☼ erer: CT from Cymbalta and in trouble with Zyprexa, Diazepam and Valdoxan

[rapunzel2]

I'm very happy to hear that olanzapine 5% cut went ok!

[erer]

I have almost completely begun to believe, that when something seems to be going well, then I should avoid stating it. 

 

When I was writing the last post, that indicated that I have been doing relatively well with my cut, it was crashing into an enormous wave just then. It was the 4th day I had not been feeling well and I was then still hoping things would turn around by the same evening. They didn't. 

 

I have been trying to find reasons why since Friday my life has been a living hell. My fingers don't even bend to write what is going on, I'll just say that I am scared and overwhelmed by what is happening to me.

I have come to believe that it has to have something to do with the 5 days of indigestion I experienced before it got really horrible. Perhaps the drugs didn't metabolise correctly then. This is my hypothesis. The feelings are very similar to what was happening to me when my drugs froze.

 

Now my digestion has been fine for 3 days, just hoping and praying that I will start feeling better soon. Needless to say I did not cut Olansapine on Friday.

[rapunzel2]

oh, I'm so sorry to hear that! indigestion can do that, I think. I hope it will stabilize quickly!

[erer]

Thanks, I hope so too. Right now things are really bad.

[erer]

Making a 10% Olanzapine cut tonight. It has been 5,5 weeks since the last cut.

[erer]

To my surprise, when returning to the site after months I found that someone had written to me asking if I was ok (for I had not posted for so long).

Just to check in - I am still here

[rapunzel2]

Good to know that you are here and have been able to go down to 1,4 mg with olanzapine

[erer]

Just a note to self - took my last dose of Olanzapine yesterday. No Olanzapine tonight. Feels strange. Also feeling happy.

 

Next step - confronting my psychiatrist next week to tell her I am no longer on Olanzapine and asking for liquid Diazepam.

[Altostrata]

Good for you, erer. Progress, slow but steady!

[wantrelief]

I read your thread, erer, and you have been through so much. You are such a strong and persistent person. Congratulations for successfully tapering off of olanzapine, that is quite an accomplishment and very inspiring!  

[erer]

Thank you, altostrata and wantrelief.

I am still not ready to say anything - I need enough time to have passed, before I feel that I can comment on the olanzapine taper that is now hopefully forever in the past. But if enough time has passed, I will comment on my experience. I have lots to say  And I think so far hopeful and encouraging things.

[erer]

His is what I wrote to the "Tipsof tapering off Olanzapine" thread. Thought it would be relevant to add it here as well.

I came here to say, that I am beginning to feel that it IS possible to get off it.

It has been 6 months since my last dose of Olanzapine.

 

It was hell. Taking the drug was hell. Tapering was hell. Being without Olanzapine is wonderful! I will not get into detail, but being at home for 3 years, not able to work, severely  agoraphobic, fighting for my life every single day, I started getting my life back piece by piece with every drop in Olanzapine. I would say I started to feel better after dropping below 1,4 mg. 

This whole time I used orodispersible tablets that I "dissolved" in 20 ml of water, stirring the water constantly I pulled it into a 20 ml syringe. Shaking the syringe constantly I pressed the excess liquid out (and never stored it for another time!).

 

I am happy to share my experience with anyone who wants to ask me something about it. Best of luck and all my best wishes to everyone who is tapering, about to taper or dreaming about tapering

 

[Altostrata]

Thanks so much, erer! Very glad to hear you're doing well off olanzapine.

 

What are you taking now?

 

 

[erer]

39 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Thanks so much, erer! Very glad to hear you're doing well off olanzapine.

 

What are you taking now?

 

 

 

My signature is up to date. I am taking 25 mg Valdoxan and 3,85 mg Diazepam (11 drops of the liquid).

Going down somewhat on my Diazepam due to memory problems and other side effects associated to Duazepam so I can start tapering Valdoxan.

[IanM]

On 10/13/2018 at 12:37 PM, erer said:

Olanzapine is an evil drug. Indescribably evil.

But I came here to say, that I am beginning to feel that it IS possible to get off it.

It has been 6 months since my last dose of Olanzapine.

 

It was hell. Taking the drug was hell. Tapering was hell. Being without Olanzapine is wonderful! I will not get into detail, but being at home for 3 years, not able to work, severely  agoraphobic, fighting for my life every single day, I started getting my life back piece by piece with every drop in Olanzapine. I would say I started to feel better after dropping below 1,4 mg. 

This whole time I used orodispersible tablets that I "dissolved" in 20 ml of water, stirring the water constantly I pulled it into a 20 ml syringe. Shaking the syringe constantly I pressed the excess liquid out (and never stored it for another time!).

 

I am happy to share my experience with anyone who wants to ask me something about it. Best of luck and all my best wishes to everyone who is tapering, about to taper or dreaming about tapering

 

 

 

Hello erer. So glad to read your story, as mine parallels yours almost exactly. I have been on various doses of Olanzapine for over a year, and am currently at 2.5mg for the last three months or so. I am deeply agorophobic and have been pretty much completely housebound for almost a year. And the 'head' aspect of being on the drug continues to threaten my life... deep, dark depression on a level that words cannot properly describe, along with bouts of horrible rage that take every ounce of my soul to control.

I would really like to hear more of your story, and what symtoms you had and how you coped with them. I'm feeling hopeless and desperate at the moment, and looking for hopeful lifelines.

Thanks.

Edit: could you provide more details about your taper, like how much your drops were and how frequently? 

[Spideygsm]

1 hour ago, IanM said:

And the 'head' aspect of being on the drug continues to threaten my life... deep, dark depression on a level that words cannot properly describe, along with bouts of horrible rage that take every ounce of my soul to control.

IanM,

 

Sounds so familiar. I was on Zyprexa for 15 years. Started at 2.5 mg and got up as high as 30mg. I was put in the awful drug to control Mania Psychosis. It helped and also helped with other issues when I was first put on the drug while hospitalized in 2003. However, the entire time I took the drug experienced bad depression because I hated how the drug made me feel. I also had really bad insomnia. I felt too sedated and my body resisted that feeling. 

 

In in a nutshell, while in Zyprexa my depression was horrible, anger issues, insomnia, anxiety. However, as I went up in dose I started getting negative physical sides as well. High cholesterol, high liver panels, high blood pressure, and pre-diabetes just to name a few. 

 

My Doctor took me off the drug very quickly do to my physical side effects. It was horrible. The worst withdrawals occurred after I got to and went below 2.5mg. My last dose was over 6 months ago. I feel much better. I’m not 100% but I don’t have the over medicated feeling while on Zyprexa. I still have pretty bad insomnia (which I’ve had most of my life, just not this bad), I have an uncontrollable twitch in my head which I’ve never had before, my eyes will twitch and blink hard and uncontrolled. My Doctor said this might be temporary since it started about a month ago and said it is probably a side effect from the Zyprexa. I never realized how many things Zyprexa effects in the body. Sleep, central nervous system, digestion, weight, fatigue...

 

I’m slowly recovering. I believe it would have been best to be able to taper slower. Can’t look backwards. I would rather live with what I call minor inconveniences now than how I felt on Zyprexa. Since getting off the drug I have much more energy, I’ve lost 40 lbs, all of my bloodwork is normal, and I can think. 

 

The thing that’s helped me the most is exercise, water, and eating better. For me, getting the endorphins going helps me feel so much better. Even if for only a few hours a day feeling whatever normal means. 

 

I could write a book and this is already too long. Sorry erer for stepping in. I just wanted to say something positive and wish you both luck

[IanM]

Hi erer. I made the above post without knowing about the accounting of your long, harrowing experience outlined in this thread. It's quite a ride you've had, and I'm so pleased you may be/are seeing some light at the end of the tunnel.

Would you say that it was the olanzapine that caused all of your distress? I sure feel that way about my situation, which is still acute and life-threatening. 

[IanM]

16 minutes ago, Spideygsm said:

IanM,

 

Sounds so familiar. I was on Zyprexa for 15 years. Started at 2.5 mg and got up as high as 30mg. I was put in the awful drug to control Mania Psychosis. It helped and also helped with other issues when I was first put on the drug while hospitalized in 2003. However, the entire time I took the drug experienced bad depression because I hated how the drug made me feel. I also had really bad insomnia. I felt too sedated and my body resisted that feeling. 

 

In in a nutshell, while in Zyprexa my depression was horrible, anger issues, insomnia, anxiety. However, as I went up in dose I started getting negative physical sides as well. High cholesterol, high liver panels, high blood pressure, and pre-diabetes just to name a few. 

 

My Doctor took me off the drug very quickly do to my physical side effects. It was horrible. The worst withdrawals occurred after I got to and went below 2.5mg. My last dose was over 6 months ago. I feel much better. I’m not 100% but I don’t have the over medicated feeling while on Zyprexa. I still have pretty bad insomnia (which I’ve had most of my life, just not this bad), I have an uncontrollable twitch in my head which I’ve never had before, my eyes will twitch and blink hard and uncontrolled. My Doctor said this might be temporary since it started about a month ago and said it is probably a side effect from the Zyprexa. I never realized how many things Zyprexa effects in the body. Sleep, central nervous system, digestion, weight, fatigue...

 

I’m slowly recovering. I believe it would have been best to be able to taper slower. Can’t look backwards. I would rather live with what I call minor inconveniences now than how I felt on Zyprexa. Since getting off the drug I have much more energy, I’ve lost 40 lbs, all of my bloodwork is normal, and I can think. 

 

The thing that’s helped me the most is exercise, water, and eating better. For me, getting the endorphins going helps me feel so much better. Even if for only a few hours a day feeling whatever normal means. 

 

I could write a book and this is already too long. Sorry erer for stepping in. I just wanted to say something positive and wish you both luck

 

Thanks, Spideygsm. How fast did you come off the drug? 

I agree that exercising is good, but unfortunately, it makes my symptoms much, much worse. The best I can do is light stretching and continuous breathing exercises.

[Spideygsm]

IanM,

 

Long story. Please visit my intro post 

 

I don’t want to take over erer’s topic. Please feel to ask questions in my post or send me a message if you want to keep it private.

[erer]

On 10/17/2018 at 1:28 AM, Spideygsm said:

 

, I have an uncontrollable twitch in my head which I’ve never had before, my eyes will twitch and blink hard and uncontrolled. My Doctor said this might be temporary since it started about a month ago and said it is probably a side effect from the Zyprexa. I never realized how many things Zyprexa effects in the body.

I read somewhere about a study that measured Olanzapine in the body after stopping the grug and it was still found in the body 2 years after the last dose.
So I would guess it is no wonder it is till playing tricks on you.
I do sincerely hope things will improve for you. I for one do believe this will happen. I have seen what it can do and I did not believe any of it could pass. SO many things did (and the rest, I am hoping, are due to my continued cocktail of Diazepam and Valdoxan).

[erer]

On 10/16/2018 at 11:36 PM, IanM said:

 

I would really like to hear more of your story, and what symtoms you had and how you coped with them. I'm feeling hopeless and desperate at the moment, and looking for hopeful lifelines.

Thanks.

Edit: could you provide more details about your taper, like how much your drops were and how frequently?  /---/ Would you say that it was the olanzapine that caused all of your distress? I sure feel that way about my situation, which is still acute and life-threatening. 

 

Hi IanM

 

I am very sorry to hear you are struggling. I think I am allowed to say I know what this drug can do and how it can destroy a life. I can sincerely say that during these 3 and 1/2 years I was on Olanzapine I fought for my life every day. I don't think I could ever describe it to anyone. I am sure you know from personal experience though.

What I can say is that I had lost 99% of all hope that I would ever go out of the house by myself ever again. I did not think I would ever walk down the road, go to a store, drive a car or even ride a bus. Now that I am doing those things again I can actually understand what all those people and "gurus" who keep saying appreciate every minute have been talking about. I literally go out of my house and I look around me with eyes wide open like a newborn baby. I am taking steps on the sidewalk bursting with feelings of gratefulness and such pride - "It is ME, I AM WALKING OUTSIDE ON MY OWN!". I cannot believe it. 
This is just one little example, but to me it is the most vivid one.

 

As to my symptoms, I do feel I surpress a lot of the memories about how bad it was. What I like to compare it to is that for years EVERY DAY of my life was fighting with symptoms that "regular" people would not doubt to call an ambulance for. Every day. I do have a list of symptoms that have disappeared that I made when I went to my psychiatrist to tell her I have quit Olanzapine. If I find it, I will send it to you. (In the meantime if you feel like you want to ask me about specific symptoms feel free to PM me.) It is a looooong list. For almost 2 years for example I could hardly see from one eye. I mean I had vision (and even got tested and my sight was great), but I had the sensation like the eye was all foggy and I had distorted vision. I cannot begin to describe how disturbing that was. Sometimes I could only move about in my flat by memory or by touching the walls. But yes, looking back, that was just one small detail in the sea of what is suffering from Olanzapine.

 

The agoraphobia, no doubt was 100% brought on by Olanzapine. And it went away with it as unbelievable as it sounds. I am still recovering from all the trauma experienced while being agoraphobic and due to all the anxietis it caused, but I can safely say I am not agoraphobic any more. It will take time to mentally and emotionally recover from this experience, but I am hopeful.

 

As to your question whether I believe Olanzapine was responsible for my suffering - yes and no. I had a lot of damage done by previous drugs and taking them for about 13 years etc - I believe you read my thread. But I think with Olanzapine (in a cocktail with Diazepam and Valdoxan) a new torture began. So yes, a lot of the symptoms I have experienced over the past 3 years, Olanzapine is responsible for a great bunch of them. If not for a few debilitating symptoms I have at the moment (constant air hunger for the past 1,5 years, severe and extreme) I would say I could live a normal life now that I am off Olanzapine. Yes, there are a lot of difficulties and hardships, but they are not comparable to what I experienced over the past 3 years while on Olanzapine.

 

And Ian, coming from extreme panic (extreme!) every day since my CT from Cymbalta and sleeping pills, now, off Olanzapine I have not had "chemical" anxiety at all. The anxiety I have felt has been "normal" anxiety as a response to life's situations. And man, I enjoy that anxiety! It is such a boo-hoo little baby compared to what has been that I can almost laugh at it. (I do have a lot of tapering ahead of me, but it feels nice to not have anxiety for the present time). I think I mentioned it in my thread how one day after dropping a dose I suddenly felt thoughts pouring back into my head. It was exactly like that. I am still getting acquainted to feeling "human feelings"

 

I had DR/DP most of the time while on the drug. I do get bouts of it now, but as I said it is not comparable to years of feeling like you are in a syrreal bubble not able to contact the external world. 

Well, this post is very hectic, I just poured out some thoughts that came first. I will try and find you that list of major symptoms (because I do try and not remember them day to day) and I will add my schedule here. (translation: nädalat - weeks, algannus - starting dose, kuupäev - date, kuud - months). As you can see in the beginning I was not able to reduce very regularly, I even had to hold for 5 months because of acute symptoms etc. It got easier once on lower doses. I felt much better since dropping to 1,3 mg.

 

[IanM]

 

Thank you erer for your lengthy reply. I can relate so much to the "chemical" anxiety and DP/DR, and the terrifying agorophobia...olanzapine is truly an evil, evil drug. I would definitely be interested in seeing your symptom list, if ever you find it.

I don't know if I can survive the lengthy taper process that you did, though, and am seriously considering a fast-track exit from the drug, and propping myself up through it using a benzo. I am that desperate. The sensation in my brain is intolerable, and I need off the drug NOW.

Thanks again for your reply.

 

Edited October 22, 2018 by ChessieCat
removed quote

[ChessieCat]

I've moved the discussion between IanM and Spideygsm to IanM's Intro topic. to keep erer's Intro free of unrelated posts.

[Spideygsm]

Erer

 

Sorry about the hijack. I tried to steer the questions unrelated to your topic elsewhere. My apologies. 

 

I read your topic. Wow!  So familiar. If I get engaged with somebody about getting off Zyprexa I recommend a slow taper because it seems like it would be the safest way to get off the drug. However, similar to you, my body and brain went nuts when I did my first dose reduction. I think there’s some people like you and me where it’s best to either CT or rapid taper. 

 

You mentioned a symptom about your vision. I started swimming in February to deal the horrible withdrawals. I noticed when I was swimming my vision became very distorted almost to the point of wanting to vomit. This slowly went away. I wonder if it was caused by Zyprexa?

 

You've done a good job of trying to describe how you feel know you’re off Zyprexa. It’s impossible to fully describe how much better I feel off the drug. My underlying problems that I had before Zyprexa are still there. But now I’m stuck with uncontrollable head twitching and eye movements. My Psychiatrist says that these  uncontrollable movements are caused by Zyprexa and might be permanent. I wish people understood Zyprexa cures nothing. It’s a dangerous bandaid.

 

Like you, it feels better to deal with my underlying issues without Zyprexa, always feeling medicated, feeling dull, having drug induced feelings. Indescribable. 

 

Glad to hear success stories. It takes a strong person to do what you’ve done. You made your decision about what was best for you and you did it. Well done!

[erer]

On 10/21/2018 at 8:31 PM, IanM said:

 

 

I don't know if I can survive the lengthy taper process that you did, though, and am seriously considering a fast-track exit from the drug, and propping myself up through it using a benzo.

  

 

On 10/22/2018 at 2:31 PM, Spideygsm said:

I think there’s some people like you and me where it’s best to either CT or rapid taper. 

 

 

Just to be clear... I am not sure if there was anything in my posts to suggest that I think CT or rapid taper for Olanzapine is a good idea. I certainly do not! I would not have survived that. No benzo, not anything can take away the extreme symptoms that arise from a CT or rapid taper and I am certain I would not have survived and healed as much had I done a rapid taper or CT from Olanzapine. The symptoms I got from my first (too large) cut were debilitating and haunted me for years. 
So this is my bottom line: I do not recommend a rapid taper.
Pheew, I hope this got cleared up now.

[Igor1287]

Erer, I wanted to ask you, how was your sleep before starting olanzapine taper, did you wake frequently at night? In my case I wake every 3 hours, the interesting thing I don't feel sedated from the drug, never was, and I don't gain weight I am even loosing even though I am close to 10% body fat.

[erer]

3 hours ago, Igor1287 said:

Erer, I wanted to ask you, how was your sleep before starting olanzapine taper, did you wake frequently at night? In my case I wake every 3 hours, the interesting thing I don't feel sedated from the drug, never was, and I don't gain weight I am even loosing even though I am close to 10% body fat.

Hello, Igor,

 

My sleep was hectic. Or, in a way, it was reglular - meaning I would wake up during the night a lot, but these wakings occucrred in a strangely regular pattern. I never felt sedation from the grug either. But I would fall asleep and as clockwork wake up 2 hours later. Every night. I would get intense RLS not only in my legs, but entire body (one side usually) and would have to get up, walk around, stretch, do push-ups etc. I would get up several times during the night, every couple of hours. I would also eat something, at first I felt stong appetite, but later when the doses were smaller I did not feel appetite any more, but realised my blood sugar would drop low during sleep and I'd need to eat some carbohydrates to go back to sleep.

RLS improved tremendously with magnesium threonate, but now since I am off olanzapine I have not waken up to RLS even once. I usually just wake up once during the night and go to pee. Then I fall right bact to sleep.

 

 

[Igor1287]

12 minutes ago, erer said:

Hello, Igor,

 

My sleep was hectic. Or, in a way, it was reglular - meaning I would wake up during the night a lot, but these wakings occucrred in a strangely regular pattern. I never felt sedation from the grug either. But I would fall asleep and as clockwork wake up 2 hours later. Every night. I would get intense RLS not only in my legs, but entire body (one side usually) and would have to get up, walk around, stretch, do push-ups etc. I would get up several times during the night, every couple of hours. I would also eat something, at first I felt stong appetite, but later when the doses were smaller I did not feel appetite any more, but realised my blood sugar would drop low during sleep and I'd need to eat some carbohydrates to go back to sleep.

RLS improved tremendously with magnesium threonate, but now since I am off olanzapine I have not waken up to RLS even once. I usually just wake up once during the night and go to pee. Then I fall right bact to sleep.

 

 

 

except for RLS, I have the same sleeping pattern and I suspect it is blood sugar.

thanks for responding, I'll be using your method of taper and I hope you are completely free one day.

[erer]

3 hours ago, Igor1287 said:

 

except for RLS, I have the same sleeping pattern and I suspect it is blood sugar.

thanks for responding, I'll be using your method of taper and I hope you are completely free one day.

I read your intro. If you have any questions regarding my olanzapine taper along the way of your own taper please feel free to contact me here or via PM. I sincerely hope you can be free of your meds one day.

[Tanha]

On 6/4/2015 at 3:55 PM, erer said:

Hi.

 

I just wanted to say to those who were worried, that yes, I am alive. 

I am not sure whether it is appropriate to discuss here in this forum (please delete it if it isn't), but I am alive after attempting suicide and spending a month in hospital.

I am hanging on day by day and sometimes hour by hour. At home from hospital since yesterday.

 

I am off Cymbalta (cold turkey in ER intensive care and ever since after that). First weeks in hospital were...

Well, my state is still so very fragile and I am not sure I will ever find the strength to describe to someone what I have been through. 

Erer, than you for sharing all this.

 

your last post to me seemed as if things are much better now.

i am so terrified of the akathisia and am still on many drugs. Can akathisia heal while on drugs?

i ct cymbalta in March and after that never stabilized. I am most of the time bedridden. 

I have akathisia all day long but not as bad as in May when I cut lorazepam from 0,5 to 0 mg. 

I din‘t Know the cause of my akathisia. 

Could be cymbalta ct, could be lorazepam ct, could be the medication I was put on in March/April: quetiapine (similar to olanzapin), mirtazapine, diazepam, (bupropion for a short while, switched to diazepam in May, took levomepromazine aug-nov this year). 

 

I am so afraid of reducing anything because I fear worsening of akathisia so much.

From your experience: 

How did the olanzapine make withdrawl and other symptoms worse?

you said so.

 

i taper quetiapine at the moment (similar to olanzapine) and have to do that for a very long time. 

I have the same problem as you have in that my severe withdrawl symptoms never lessen no matter how long I wait (5 weeks was the longest hold). 

I am everyday in constant pain an nausea and muscleweakness. Anxiety 

can barely walk. Fluelike. 

I am in psychiatric hospital since May and lost touch with everythinG. 

 

If you could tell me again how you survived or how you would have done things differently to reduce suffering.

What do you mean by „not trying too hard push trough the tapering timeline“? 

If withdrawlsymptoms are that bad I as they are now I cannot survive 

Three years of tapering quetiapine and then diazepam one year and then mirtazapin two years.

 

i am afraid that I cannot Even do the quetiapine taper

[Tanha]

On 10/16/2018 at 10:36 PM, IanM said:

 

Hello erer. So glad to read your story, as mine parallels yours almost exactly. I have been on various doses of Olanzapine for over a year, and am currently at 2.5mg for the last three months or so. I am deeply agorophobic and have been pretty much completely housebound for almost a year. And the 'head' aspect of being on the drug continues to threaten my life... deep, dark depression on a level that words cannot properly describe, along with bouts of horrible rage that take every ounce of my soul to control.

I would really like to hear more of your story, and what symtoms you had and how you coped with them. I'm feeling hopeless and desperate at the moment, and looking for hopeful lifelines.

Thanks.

Edit: could you provide more details about your taper, like how much your drops were and how frequently? 

Dear ianM

i know this terrible depression. It is from the meds.

how are you now?

[Tanha]

On 10/21/2018 at 6:34 PM, erer said:

 

Hi IanM

 

I am very sorry to hear you are struggling. I think I am allowed to say I know what this drug can do and how it can destroy a life. I can sincerely say that during these 3 and 1/2 years I was on Olanzapine I fought for my life every day. I don't think I could ever describe it to anyone. I am sure you know from personal experience though.

What I can say is that I had lost 99% of all hope that I would ever go out of the house by myself ever again. I did not think I would ever walk down the road, go to a store, drive a car or even ride a bus. Now that I am doing those things again I can actually understand what all those people and "gurus" who keep saying appreciate every minute have been talking about. I literally go out of my house and I look around me with eyes wide open like a newborn baby. I am taking steps on the sidewalk bursting with feelings of gratefulness and such pride - "It is ME, I AM WALKING OUTSIDE ON MY OWN!". I cannot believe it. 
This is just one little example, but to me it is the most vivid one.

 

As to my symptoms, I do feel I surpress a lot of the memories about how bad it was. What I like to compare it to is that for years EVERY DAY of my life was fighting with symptoms that "regular" people would not doubt to call an ambulance for. Every day. I do have a list of symptoms that have disappeared that I made when I went to my psychiatrist to tell her I have quit Olanzapine. If I find it, I will send it to you. (In the meantime if you feel like you want to ask me about specific symptoms feel free to PM me.) It is a looooong list. For almost 2 years for example I could hardly see from one eye. I mean I had vision (and even got tested and my sight was great), but I had the sensation like the eye was all foggy and I had distorted vision. I cannot begin to describe how disturbing that was. Sometimes I could only move about in my flat by memory or by touching the walls. But yes, looking back, that was just one small detail in the sea of what is suffering from Olanzapine.

 

The agoraphobia, no doubt was 100% brought on by Olanzapine. And it went away with it as unbelievable as it sounds. I am still recovering from all the trauma experienced while being agoraphobic and due to all the anxietis it caused, but I can safely say I am not agoraphobic any more. It will take time to mentally and emotionally recover from this experience, but I am hopeful.

 

As to your question whether I believe Olanzapine was responsible for my suffering - yes and no. I had a lot of damage done by previous drugs and taking them for about 13 years etc - I believe you read my thread. But I think with Olanzapine (in a cocktail with Diazepam and Valdoxan) a new torture began. So yes, a lot of the symptoms I have experienced over the past 3 years, Olanzapine is responsible for a great bunch of them. If not for a few debilitating symptoms I have at the moment (constant air hunger for the past 1,5 years, severe and extreme) I would say I could live a normal life now that I am off Olanzapine. Yes, there are a lot of difficulties and hardships, but they are not comparable to what I experienced over the past 3 years while on Olanzapine.

 

And Ian, coming from extreme panic (extreme!) every day since my CT from Cymbalta and sleeping pills, now, off Olanzapine I have not had "chemical" anxiety at all. The anxiety I have felt has been "normal" anxiety as a response to life's situations. And man, I enjoy that anxiety! It is such a boo-hoo little baby compared to what has been that I can almost laugh at it. (I do have a lot of tapering ahead of me, but it feels nice to not have anxiety for the present time). I think I mentioned it in my thread how one day after dropping a dose I suddenly felt thoughts pouring back into my head. It was exactly like that. I am still getting acquainted to feeling "human feelings"

 

I had DR/DP most of the time while on the drug. I do get bouts of it now, but as I said it is not comparable to years of feeling like you are in a syrreal bubble not able to contact the external world. 

Well, this post is very hectic, I just poured out some thoughts that came first. I will try and find you that list of major symptoms (because I do try and not remember them day to day) and I will add my schedule here. (translation: nädalat - weeks, algannus - starting dose, kuupäev - date, kuud - months). As you can see in the beginning I was not able to reduce very regularly, I even had to hold for 5 months because of acute symptoms etc. It got easier once on lower doses. I felt much better since dropping to 1,3 mg.

 

Yes, do/dr is no fun.

 

thanx for sharing all this.

i / we need your story, your recollection of your way through it to find hope Again. Please do not stop telling your story.

 

Tanha

[erer]

On 12/21/2018 at 12:26 PM, Tanha said:

Erer, than you for sharing all this.

 

your last post to me seemed as if things are much better now.

i am so terrified of the akathisia and am still on many drugs. Can akathisia heal while on drugs?

i ct cymbalta in March and after that never stabilized. I am most of the time bedridden. 

I have akathisia all day long but not as bad as in May when I cut lorazepam from 0,5 to 0 mg. 

I din‘t Know the cause of my akathisia. 

 Could be cymbalta ct, could be lorazepam ct, could be the medication I was put on in March/April: quetiapine (similar to olanzapin), mirtazapine, diazepam, (bupropion for a short while, switched to diazepam in May, took levomepromazine aug-nov this year). 

 

I am so afraid of reducing anything because I fear worsening of akathisia so much.

From your experience: 

How did the olanzapine make withdrawl and other symptoms worse?

you said so.

 

i taper quetiapine at the moment (similar to olanzapine) and have to do that for a very long time. 

I have the same problem as you have in that my severe withdrawl symptoms never lessen no matter how long I wait (5 weeks was the longest hold). 

I am everyday in constant pain an nausea and muscleweakness. Anxiety 

can barely walk. Fluelike. 

I am in psychiatric hospital since May and lost touch with everythinG. 

 

If you could tell me again how you survived or how you would have done things differently to reduce suffering.

What do you mean by „not trying too hard push trough the tapering timeline“? 

If withdrawlsymptoms are that bad I as they are now I cannot survive 

Three years of tapering quetiapine and then diazepam one year and then mirtazapin two years.

 

i am afraid that I cannot Even do the quetiapine taper

I hope these questions were answered in PMs. Let me know if thre was anything I didn't address.

[Altostrata]

Hello, erer, how are you doing?

 

@Tanha please be careful not to dominate the Intro topics of other people with your own concerns.

[Tanha]

11 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Hello, erer, how are you doing?

 

@Tanha please be careful not to dominate the Intro topics of other people with your own concerns.

I am sorry, 

It came to my mind only afterwards that I wasn‘t on my thread. 

 

Dear erer, 

sorry for overwhelming you. I am embarrassed that I wrote to you such a lengthy list of personal questions, then.

 

Thanks for your answers. Yes, you are right. You addressed my topics. I was really bad that day when I asked you all this. IT seems that i tried to calm my stress by filling your thread with my fears and couldn‘t help pouring over.

 

All the best to you and thank you so much for sharing your experience.

[Carmie]

Hi errer , How are you doing?💚