Cosette Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Hello everybody I am happy to have found this forum (Thanks Neuroplastic). That's my story: I have had OCD and big anxiety since childhood. At the age of 16 I experienced derealization and depersonalisation.It was terrible but my parents led me to an homeopath-acupunctor and the problems have gone away.. I had another huge access of derealisation several years later and I was put on SSRIs ,I stopped easily a few months later .Nevertheless my life has not been easy : my husband committed suicide(He was paranoid schizophrenic) and I was put on Prozac several times (Without any W/D effets). After that I have adopted 2 children.The elder who had cerebral palsy died in 2000..I was put on SSRIs again (Paxil) for 7 years.In may 2008 I decided to quit cold turkey which was a big mistake but I had no idea of the W/D side effects.My W/D was Hell but the worse symptome has been agoraphobia which appeared during the second year and the balance problems which do not allow me to go outside alone.. I feel better now but I still have bad waves and I have not fully recovered Link to comment
Neuroplastic Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 Hey, Cosette! So great to see you here! Welcome to the forum. You've been very very brave. You keep healing day and night, even if the symptoms want to convince you to the contrary. Their presence at that point of WD time-continuum is absolutely normal. But, believe me, it will all eventually clear up. Now focus on what has already improved. Keep walking! 2000-2008 Paxil for a situational depression 2008 - Paxil c/t Severe protracted WD syndrome ever since; improving “The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once” Albert Einstein "Add signature to your profile. This way we can help you even better!" Surviving Antidepressants And, above all, ... keep walking. Just keep walking. Link to comment
stan Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 welcome french Cosette ! for anxiety 12 years paxil - cold turkey 1,5 month - switch celexa 1 year taper; total 13 years on brain meds 67 years old - 9 years med free in protracted withdrawal rigidity standing and walking, dryness gougerot-szoegren, sleep deteriorate, function as have a lack of nerves, improving have been very little Link to comment
Healing Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 So glad you're here, Cosette! You're on a long, challenging, rich mission, Cosette. You have learned so much and helped so many people. I think, when you get to the point of feeling a bit better, it might become more clear to you how all of your experiences will conspire to help you in some big, creative way. You had a good experience with homeopathy earlier in your life. Have you tried it again since then? 1996-97 - Paxil x 9 months, tapered, suffered 8 months withdrawal but didn't know it was withdrawal, so... 1998-2001 - Zoloft, tapered, again unwittingly went into withdrawal, so... 2002-03 - Paxil x 20 months, developed severe headaches, so... Sep 03 - May 05 - Paxil taper took 20 months, severe physical, moderate psychological symptoms Sep 03 - Jun 05 - took Prozac to help with Paxil taper - not recommended Jul 05 to date - post-taper, severe psychological, moderate physical symptoms, improving very slowly Link to comment
Cosette Posted April 1, 2011 Author Share Posted April 1, 2011 So glad you're here, Cosette! You're on a long, challenging, rich mission, Cosette. You have learned so much and helped so many people. I think, when you get to the point of feeling a bit better, it might become more clear to you how all of your experiences will conspire to help you in some big, creative way. You had a good experience with homeopathy earlier in your life. Have you tried it again since then? Thanks Healing for your answer which gives me some hope at the moment because I am again in a very bad wave and I feel desperate. I wonder when all these symptomes will go away for ever.One month ago I could believe that I had fully recovered :my life was almost "normal" again! But insidiously the worst symptomes have come back: sadness, depressive ideas, fatigue , and huge pain in knees and back. I stayed at home most of the time because I feel too tired . Happily I still am creative (I like painting). I live day after day and I cannot imagine my future. These "up and down" are discouraging I try to convince me that it is only a bad wave. Link to comment
Healing Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 It *is* only a bad wave. It's a terrific sign that you felt almost normal a month ago. Those islands of normality will grow into an archipelago, and then into a continent! Maybe it's too early for this, but let me ask -- If you try to imagine that this is happening to *help* you get on the right track for your mission, does anything come to mind that you think you might be destined to do in the future when you have recovered more? Forgive me if it's the wrong time for this question. 1996-97 - Paxil x 9 months, tapered, suffered 8 months withdrawal but didn't know it was withdrawal, so... 1998-2001 - Zoloft, tapered, again unwittingly went into withdrawal, so... 2002-03 - Paxil x 20 months, developed severe headaches, so... Sep 03 - May 05 - Paxil taper took 20 months, severe physical, moderate psychological symptoms Sep 03 - Jun 05 - took Prozac to help with Paxil taper - not recommended Jul 05 to date - post-taper, severe psychological, moderate physical symptoms, improving very slowly Link to comment
Neuroplastic Posted April 1, 2011 Share Posted April 1, 2011 I try to convince me that it is only a bad wave. It is, Businka. It is. Every time when in the bad wave we go into a "not again mode". It's so normal. But the GOOD moments were already there, so a matter of time is for them to be back. And any day now. It's so great to hear about your creativity. As you can see, despite some symptoms being temporarily back, some have improved - the Rubik's Cube metaphor has been one of the most apt as far as WD goes. 2000-2008 Paxil for a situational depression 2008 - Paxil c/t Severe protracted WD syndrome ever since; improving “The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once” Albert Einstein "Add signature to your profile. This way we can help you even better!" Surviving Antidepressants And, above all, ... keep walking. Just keep walking. Link to comment
Cosette Posted April 4, 2011 Author Share Posted April 4, 2011 It *is* only a bad wave. It's a terrific sign that you felt almost normal a month ago. Those islands of normality will grow into an archipelago, and then into a continent! Maybe it's too early for this, but let me ask -- If you try to imagine that this is happening to *help* you get on the right track for your mission, does anything come to mind that you think you might be destined to do in the future when you have recovered more? Forgive me if it's the wrong time for this question. Thanks Healing for your answer.To answer your question :no, it's not the wrong time for it. When I shall have recovered more I shall travel again and my first destination will be the United Staes because I have a friend in S.Dakota who is waiting for me. Link to comment
Healing Posted April 5, 2011 Share Posted April 5, 2011 Thanks for sharing this, Businka, you little Russian muppet! That's lovely to hear that you *do* have a vision for a first step into the next phase of your mission! All you need to do is trust your vision, and follow it from one step to the next. Et voila -- we will be hearing about interesting discoveries from the creative Businka! 1996-97 - Paxil x 9 months, tapered, suffered 8 months withdrawal but didn't know it was withdrawal, so... 1998-2001 - Zoloft, tapered, again unwittingly went into withdrawal, so... 2002-03 - Paxil x 20 months, developed severe headaches, so... Sep 03 - May 05 - Paxil taper took 20 months, severe physical, moderate psychological symptoms Sep 03 - Jun 05 - took Prozac to help with Paxil taper - not recommended Jul 05 to date - post-taper, severe psychological, moderate physical symptoms, improving very slowly Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Rhiannon Posted April 26, 2011 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 26, 2011 It *is* only a bad wave. It's a terrific sign that you felt almost normal a month ago. Those islands of normality will grow into an archipelago, and then into a continent! Maybe it's too early for this, but let me ask -- If you try to imagine that this is happening to *help* you get on the right track for your mission, does anything come to mind that you think you might be destined to do in the future when you have recovered more? Forgive me if it's the wrong time for this question. Good question. Good way to think about it. Thank you. Started on Prozac and Xanax in 1992 for PTSD after an assault. One drug led to more, the usual story. Got sicker and sicker, but believed I needed the drugs for my "underlying disease". Long story...lost everything. Life savings, home, physical and mental health, relationships, friendships, ability to work, everything. Amitryptiline, Prozac, bupropion, buspirone, flurazepam, diazepam, alprazolam, Paxil, citalopram, lamotrigine, gabapentin...probably more I've forgotten. Started multidrug taper in Feb 2010. Doing a very slow microtaper, down to low doses now and feeling SO much better, getting my old personality and my brain back! Able to work full time, have a full social life, and cope with stress better than ever. Not perfect, but much better. After 23 lost years. Big Pharma has a lot to answer for. And "medicine for profit" is just not a great idea. Feb 15 2010: 300 mg Neurontin 200 Lamictal 10 Celexa 0.65 Xanax and 5 mg Ambien Feb 10 2014: 62 Lamictal 1.1 Celexa 0.135 Xanax 1.8 Valium Feb 10 2015: 50 Lamictal 0.875 Celexa 0.11 Xanax 1.5 Valium Feb 15 2016: 47.5 Lamictal 0.75 Celexa 0.0875 Xanax 1.42 Valium 2/12/20 12 0.045 0.007 1 May 2021 7 0.01 0.0037 1 Feb 2022 6 0!!! 0.00167 0.98 2.5 mg Ambien Oct 2022 4.5 mg Lamictal (off Celexa, off Xanax) 0.95 Valium Ambien, 1/4 to 1/2 of a 5 mg tablet I'm not a doctor. Any advice I give is just my civilian opinion. Link to comment
Cosette Posted May 29, 2011 Author Share Posted May 29, 2011 Hi my friends, I am back again and I had not forgotten you but the last weeks have been hard with a lot of symptomes which had gone away and returned. I often feel desperate, or angry and I wonder when I shall heal. I have already lost 3 years of my life ... At this time my worse symptomes are huge anxiety and muscle weakness.One day it's a little better and the second day it's worse. I feel so tired of this fighting. To be honest I must say that I have had real improvements especially about agoraphobia . But I still have a long way to go... Link to comment
Healing Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 Great to see you, Businka née Cosette! I've been thinking about you. I'm glad you can see you've had improvement, but, oh yes, it is so frustrating, and so slow. It's kind of unbelievable how we all keep going despite the exhausting strain. You sound like you're in a pretty accepting place, even though it's still very hard. You seem to have an unusual amount of patience for special needs humans and cats. Is that true, or is it harder for you than I realize? If it is true, do you think you have more patience and faith about them than you do about yourself? You and I are *temporarily* special needs. What do you think? 1996-97 - Paxil x 9 months, tapered, suffered 8 months withdrawal but didn't know it was withdrawal, so... 1998-2001 - Zoloft, tapered, again unwittingly went into withdrawal, so... 2002-03 - Paxil x 20 months, developed severe headaches, so... Sep 03 - May 05 - Paxil taper took 20 months, severe physical, moderate psychological symptoms Sep 03 - Jun 05 - took Prozac to help with Paxil taper - not recommended Jul 05 to date - post-taper, severe psychological, moderate physical symptoms, improving very slowly Link to comment
Neuroplastic Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 Great to hear from you, Cosette! Visit us more often. I so know what you mean by the whole process being so slow. But it's still improving. So glad to read your agoraphobia has been getting better. Take it step by step. You will get there. 2000-2008 Paxil for a situational depression 2008 - Paxil c/t Severe protracted WD syndrome ever since; improving “The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once” Albert Einstein "Add signature to your profile. This way we can help you even better!" Surviving Antidepressants And, above all, ... keep walking. Just keep walking. Link to comment
stan Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 hi Cosette, 36 months off today ! still some improvements and you will be fine for anxiety 12 years paxil - cold turkey 1,5 month - switch celexa 1 year taper; total 13 years on brain meds 67 years old - 9 years med free in protracted withdrawal rigidity standing and walking, dryness gougerot-szoegren, sleep deteriorate, function as have a lack of nerves, improving have been very little Link to comment
angie007 Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 Hi Cossette, lovely to see you here, 3yrs off , thats a fantastic achievement. i would like to join with everyone else here and wish you more healing energy. Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011. Link to comment
Claudius Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Hang on Cosette! I am also at more than 3 years off now and still having a rough time. It is a long and arduous road but we have no other choice than keeping walking. I know from several people that big progression can still be made in the 4th or 5th year. So never lose hope! 10 mg Paxil/Seroxat since 2002 several attempts to quit since 2004 Quit c/t again Oktober 2007, in protracted w/d since then after 3.5 years slight improvement but still on the road after 6 years pretty much recovered but still some nasty residual sypmtons after 8.5 years working again on a 90% base and basically functioning normally again! Link to comment
Cosette Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 Great to see you, Businka née Cosette! I've been thinking about you. I'm glad you can see you've had improvement, but, oh yes, it is so frustrating, and so slow. It's kind of unbelievable how we all keep going despite the exhausting strain. You sound like you're in a pretty accepting place, even though it's still very hard. You seem to have an unusual amount of patience for special needs humans and cats. Is that true, or is it harder for you than I realize? If it is true, do you think you have more patience and faith about them than you do about yourself? You and I are *temporarily* special needs. What do you think? You are right Healing! I have real patience and love for "special needs" humans and cats .My elder adoptive son had severe cerebral palsy and passed away at an early age. At the time I am thinking about the best way to help disabled children in Vietnam: My link I hope that my W/D will soon let me able to travel to Vietnam because I'd want to see the children I sponsor. Helping another people helps me a lot.In W/D I often had anhedonia and I need to find a sense in my life. But on the other hand and to answer you:it's harder for me to admit that I am disabled too because of the W/D and I have no empathy for the person whom I became (Temporarily I hope)! Link to comment
Cosette Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 Hang on Cosette! I am also at more than 3 years off now and still having a rough time. It is a long and arduous road but we have no other choice than keeping walking. I know from several people that big progression can still be made in the 4th or 5th year. So never lose hope! Thank you so much, Claudius. I must always remember that I shall never lose hope even if it is sometimes very difficult. Link to comment
Healing Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 I remember about your son, and I'm very sorry for your loss. Wow, that program to help Vietnamese children dealing with Agent Orange looks superb. Cosette, you really have some kind of powerful mission in this life. You really do. Helping others is generally a very good therapy for any convalescent person -- it really helps the self-esteem after feeling "invalid" for a long time. But you take it to an art form. There's something powerful brewing in you. I feel that there is some important insight to be had from looking at your lack of empathy for yourself in contrast to your extraordinary empathy for others who are suffering. I don't know you very well, and it's not my place to guess what the insight is, but I really think that if you can study your self-criticism about being ill, it will lead you to take a quantum leap in your mission to love others. There is a connection between the two. It's not a zero-sum game -- being kind to ourselves doesn't rob others of our kindness. Au contraire, it is a win-win game -- the more we can manage to feel genuine kindness towards ourselves, the more we overflow with kindness for others. Please keep telling us how your thinking about it all unfolds.... 1996-97 - Paxil x 9 months, tapered, suffered 8 months withdrawal but didn't know it was withdrawal, so... 1998-2001 - Zoloft, tapered, again unwittingly went into withdrawal, so... 2002-03 - Paxil x 20 months, developed severe headaches, so... Sep 03 - May 05 - Paxil taper took 20 months, severe physical, moderate psychological symptoms Sep 03 - Jun 05 - took Prozac to help with Paxil taper - not recommended Jul 05 to date - post-taper, severe psychological, moderate physical symptoms, improving very slowly Link to comment
Neuroplastic Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 You're doing *incredible* things, Cosette. Oh, how different the world would be, if there were more Cosettes. 2000-2008 Paxil for a situational depression 2008 - Paxil c/t Severe protracted WD syndrome ever since; improving “The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once” Albert Einstein "Add signature to your profile. This way we can help you even better!" Surviving Antidepressants And, above all, ... keep walking. Just keep walking. Link to comment
Healing Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 This is for you, Cosette! (Other SA’ers – has a happy ending, but only watch if you feel prepared to see severe tornado property damage….) 1996-97 - Paxil x 9 months, tapered, suffered 8 months withdrawal but didn't know it was withdrawal, so... 1998-2001 - Zoloft, tapered, again unwittingly went into withdrawal, so... 2002-03 - Paxil x 20 months, developed severe headaches, so... Sep 03 - May 05 - Paxil taper took 20 months, severe physical, moderate psychological symptoms Sep 03 - Jun 05 - took Prozac to help with Paxil taper - not recommended Jul 05 to date - post-taper, severe psychological, moderate physical symptoms, improving very slowly Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted April 3, 2015 Administrator Share Posted April 3, 2015 Cosette, how are you? This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
Cosette Posted April 14, 2015 Author Share Posted April 14, 2015 I registered 4 years ago and posted seceral topics but my email address has changed so I had to register again. I have had OCD and big anxiety since childhood. At the age of 16 I experienced derealization and depersonalisation.It was terrible but my parents led me to an homeopath-acupunctor and the problems have gone away.. I had another huge access of derealisation several years later and I was put on SSRIs ,I stopped easily a few months later .Nevertheless my life has not been easy : my husband committed suicide(He was paranoid schizophrenic) and I was put on Prozac several times (Without any W/D effets). After that I have adopted 2 children.The elder who had cerebral palsy died in 2000..I was put on SSRIs again (Paxil) for 7 years.In may 2008 I decided to quit cold turkey which was a big mistake but I had no idea of the W/D side effects.My W/D was Hell but the worse symptome has been agoraphobia which appeared during the second year and the balance problems which do not allow me to go outside alone. .I still have neurologic problems:hemiparesy and off-balance. I have never fully recovered . Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus Petunia Posted April 14, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 14, 2015 Welcome back Cosette, I found your old introduction thread and joined it with this one. I'm so sorry for everything you have been through, 7 years is a long time to have to endure withdrawal, have you had any improvements at all? Do you still have complete agoraphobia and are not able to go out at all? Are you still getting windows and waves? Do you take any supplements? Do you find that anything makes your symptoms worse/better? There are a few members here who still haven't recovered after many years, I'm going on 4 years now, but I've had some improvement. I've been agoraphobic too, but its quite a bit better now. There are others who have been in protracted withdrawal for longer. Could I ask you to put your put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature. Putting a short version of your drug and tapering history in your signature helps people understand your context, it appears below each of your posts. Here are instructions for how to do it: http://survivinganti...your-signature/ I hope you will visit more often now and let us know how you are doing. Petunia. I'm not a doctor. My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one. My Introduction Thread Full Drug and Withdrawal History Brief Summary Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects 2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010 Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal) May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins. Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens. Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days. April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close. VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from? VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made? VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes? VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects? VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes Link to comment
Administrator Altostrata Posted April 14, 2015 Administrator Share Posted April 14, 2015 Thank you for stopping by, Cosette. (I merged your two accounts, use the most recent information to log in.) I am sorry to hear you are still having problems. Is hemiparesy a formal diagnosis? This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein All postings © copyrighted. Link to comment
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