It seems important to post something daily.
Honestly.......I am playing around with both the trileptal and adderal now as I can't seem to stick to records or recording much. On the adderal I think the highest dose taken is a total of 5mg. Some days 2.5mg. Trileptal I just used yesterday.......I tried 2 doses of 150mg.
At most a good stretch of a 4 hr. total sleep. No dreams. And then often to a semi fugue state for several more hours.
State of mind stays pretty relaxed. Neck and sometimes back pain is difficult but manageable. Random headaches.
Weight loss. Not good for me........no reason to weigh what I did 3 decades ago. I wasn't heavy going into this. I'm sure nobody has some kind of high calorie meal plan with tolerated vitamins and proteins for the simple mind. I mean I do my best. Generally by noon I eat something.........banana........maybe a sandwich or cereal. Dinner is usually whatever.......frozen.........take out.
So non the less. Not panicked. I was able to do some previously soaking dishes and get them in the dishwasher. Hoping to put them away and stay on top of them. Not sure if I will get to the counters. Or even one load of laundry would be a coup.
I think comfortably numb to most of my symptoms is probably a good way to put it. Headaches sometimes.
Not sure anymore if anyone understands this.......me........my whys. My mother couldn't get how I could not go to see a Dr. for the hemorrhoid.........you know......take action, etc. After reading some lighter success stories.........I am sure folks get this..........this general "can't see the doctor" thing anymore.
My psychiatrist appt. is looming........5 more days. I am hoping to take somebody with me at least...........I need more adderal for sure. In tablets that are lower doses. I am just hoping to be able to stay focused and peaceful......... I think after the last hospitalization at least they have me pegged more as "ultra drug/medication sensitive" rather than non-compliant. She is no worse than most psychiatrists. She was the one who saw me shortly after coming off of MAOI's in maybe the year 2000. Took me off a mini Zoloft dose from my previous doc and ramped me up with Effexor and Remeron........bipolarized me basically. Started the first of the antipsychotics. Now she has me listed as "depression" again........I think that keeps her safe. And I mean I am safe at this point. Suicidal ideation gone. Doing my best to stay alive.
I mean I am not going to apologize as I know that you guys get it.........how hard it is to keep records right now and write stuff down.........and get a nice merry(ha ha) organized life going again. When I think about the other withdrawals that at the time I often didn't even know were withdrawals..........it just seems I would get to a point several mos. in to be a bit more courageous about life and do more of what I consider living vs. this present surviving.
Oh the ironic thing of her. Her Buddhist teachings. Really helpful sometimes. But I know she is aware of the harm she has done to many but just can't change her lifestyle, etc. I don't know. I could quietly ask if she would be willing to change my diagnosis to ????
A lot of rambling. I know. I had to try.
Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.
AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once?, Gabapentin........probably more. Ask me?......I probably was on it. Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.
10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary). I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.
5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)
12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs. My last psycho med ever!
3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today. 11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine 12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! optimistic
Omega3's,EPA +DHA= approx. 1200/day. Magnesium citrate orally,diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn. Vit. C and E. B12, melatonin 3mcg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually. Trace mineral drops. L-lysine. L-methylfolate=300 mcg. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way. Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship. Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.