success Hibari: tapering Remeron and want to start tapering Lamictal

[Hibari]

Today is a tough day for me. Feeling the effects of my recent cuts. Feeling depressed, pessimistic, angry and hopeless. I know this is wd and it's the pattern of my wd but it just sucks.

 

I can't think straight, and I feel sedated and foggy. On top of that, we are away at our house and today I woke up hounded by allergies.

 

I am taking an herbal antihistamine because I don't want to add anymore to the antihistamine effect that Mirtazapine has. I know it also could be the histamine effect of being lower on Mirt as well.

[Rachel1963]

I keep trying to say hello to you Hibari but my posts don't seem to make it. Anyhow, I hope you are doing well and I just want to tell you I'm inspired by you!

[Hibari]

Thank you Rachel.

[leahy]

Me too. Inspired by you, Hibari, your strong determination and the measured way you analyze everything. Even when you are angry.

[Hibari]

[Hibari]

Feelimg more stable. Feel some omens of sadness and grief but the depressed feeling has lifted.

Waking up with some hot flashes and a couple times of day I break out into a sweat.

 

Looking forward to making a Remeron cut towards the end of the month.

 

Getting closer.

[Hibari]

Feeling kind of blah. Really tired and not mentally crisp. I have started exercising again and I think that is adding to my being tired and a little emotional.

 

The emotions that have been held in my body as I go through this are breaking free-that and ongoing withdrawal stuff. So tired of this process.

[leahy]

From 200/41.25 to 25/4... Hmm... 

 

You may be exhausted, 

 

But you are a Winner, Hibari!

 

Bravo!

 

You may not realize it yet but this has been a happy summer for you. So much progress.

[Hibari]

Thanks Leahy. I just feel so close and so far at the same time. It goes against my instinct to slow down as I approach the finish line and not speed up.

 

How are you feeling?

[leahy]

I have had days of sleeping well - feeling "normal" as a result but then wd has a way of sneaking up behind me and hitting me over the head.

 

I joined Weight Watchers again. I lost 4 lbs the past two weeks. A drop in the bucket but better than the alternative - gaining 4 lbs.

 

I am very uncomfortable in this body. Very.

 

Try to ride things out, Hibari. You are healing every day and will be free from this in due time. Remember you are better now than you were before. This is only a slump. Try to take a walk in the sun.

[Hibari]

Have really struggled with my last Lamictal cut.  I know it is wd and that I need to ride it through but wow.  Mainly sweating, headache, nausea , low level depression and high level of anxiety in reaction to not feeling well.    As usual, I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not going back into depression but this is all withdrawal.  At least my mind is able to note the difference. 

 

When I was walking the dog this morning, I was thinking.  As opposed to viewing my body as betraying me, I want to re- frame what is happening at least on the physical level.  My body is sweating and straining to shake off the recent drop and regroup.  I can't pretend that I am at peace with it, but it's helps me not to freak out at how crazy I feel. 

 

It's also too difficult to meditate at this point but going to a meeting today after a vacation absence will help.

[Santino]

HI Hibari

 

I liked a lot the sentence going to a meeting today after a vacation absence will help. Today i woke up with anxiety myself, came to work and as long as i entered in the office one colleague came and said we re supposed to meet regarding some issue. I started having breathing difficulties and stuff but with just a short meditation and autosugestion I entered to the meeting and all went OK. Indeed it deed me good... i went and have a fish lunch at the seaside with some of my friends after... :-)

 

These withdrawals are a tricky stuff. I am into 11Mg Remeron now. The last 1Mg cut 3 days ago... so far so good. I am definitely a lot better than when i was on 15 MG. I can not believe i am striking 2-3 good days in a row nowadays.... THANKS GOD...

 

All the best buddy and keep it up.

[Hibari]

Thank you for your support Santino. 

[leahy]

I wonder if compounded Remeron loses potency in the refrigerator as the weeks go by? My new pdoc told me today that he thinks that does lose potency.

 

If it does become less potent as the weeks go by, we could be making cuts without realizing it...

[Hibari]

I was thinking that too.  Just go my new batch today so I will see what happens when I take it tonight.

 

I also think this is Lamictal related.  I think I been a little naive about Lamictal's wd symptoms and while similar to Remeron, they are different. 

 

I always feel better as the day goes on-something about cortisol that effects me.

 

The meeting helped today and tomorrow I have acupuncture after not having it for about 2 months.   I think it will help.

 

How are you doing my friend?

[leahy]

I am doing well. Miraculously.

[Hibari]

I am doing well. Miraculously.

I am so glad Leahy!  So happy you are doing well. 

[Hibari]

Even though I may be stabilizing a tiny bit today, I have such a bleak attitude about the future.  Bleak in the sense of having fought depression and now wd, it's hard to remember feeling generally optimistic about life.  I am not suicidal nor even at the lowest low today.  It's just this lack of viewing things or feeling pleasure about life.

 

I am thinking that my dopamine has been affected in a big way and I'm hoping my neurotransmitters will repair themselves so I can feel pleasure more consistently again.

[AliG]

Hibari. I have had many days like this. Don't despair. It's all part of the process. It can change. Just keep on. I know it can be hard at times. I've experienced it too.

Ali

[Hibari]

Thank you Ali.   It's good to know it's part of the process and not who I am as a person. 

[Hibari]

Have moved more into what I think is stabilizing.  Not in the depths of despair or sadness.    Still feeling flat and fragile but able to function.  I'm not ruminating as much and that is a good thing.   Still puffed up, cognitively fuzzy and clumsy but again better than two days ago.

 

Am making a conscious effort to increase my Vitamin C.  Read in the tapering forum that someone is having success using it to combat the morning cortisol spike.   Will report if I feel  difference. 

[Hibari]

Another day of feeling stable. I had acupuncture on Wednesday, which helped along with brain adjusting to the lower dose of Lamictal.

 

I'm documenting these days so that when I make my next cut, I can look back and remember that I do come through it.

 

Continuing with the Vitamin C protocol, taking 500mgs in divided doses throughout the day. I'm seeing how 2000-2500 will work for a period of time. Will gauge how my body reacts and drop back if necessary.

[freespirit]

Good to hear you're having some moments of stability Hibari. Hopefully, you can come back and see this, when you're in a wave and feel that it won't change.

 

I'll be curious to hear your results with Vitamin C. Let us know how it goes.

[Hibari]

So, I am struggling with a missed dose issue.  On Saturday night, I returned from being away and set out all my vitamins and medication by my bedside.   I took my usual Remeron dose and then just as I was falling asleep, I thought did I take my Lamictal?  I wasn't sure and because I didn't want to take any more than I normally do, I thought better to not take a double dose.

 

The next morning when I woke up, I knew I had missed my dose.  I decided to wait till that night and just get back to my consistent dose.  Well I have been in wd sickness for two days and it just sucks.  

 

My question is, do I just wait till I stabilize or do I take slightly less now because I may be sensitive to the dosage because I missed one?   Any insight would be appreciated. 

[scallywag]

Hibari -- sorry to hear that you're paying the price for one little hiccup.  After missing one dose, it's probably best to just continue with the dose you were holding at until you stabilize.

[Hibari]

Thank you Scallywag.  Yes, it was a shock to feel it so quickly but now I''m thinking that Lamictal must have a short half-life.  Going to look it up.

 

I see you are making really steady progress with your taper.  Hope you are feeling well.

 

H

[AliG]

Hibari.  I hope you stabilize quickly after this  " blip". You seemed to be traveling along quite well . How are you feeling now ? 

[Hibari]

Still emotional but less physically sick.  I just want to cry and cry but I am trying to keep myself moving.  I cried really hard on Monday when I first felt the cut.

 

Can't wait till I'm off of these meds Ali!

[Santino]

Hibari... Take it easy buddy.

 

You are one of the most patient ones here. You have come sooo far and you are really near the end now.

 

One incident is just one incident... for sure it will pass. Just hang on there... One day we will be free buddy.

 

Good Luck

 

Weekend Ahead... :-)))) Enjoy

[Hibari]

Thank you Santino.

 

I think I am starting to stabilize a bit-I always feel better in the afternoon/evening.  

 

I appreciate your encouraging words.

[Hibari]

Just have been hit with the wd delay that happens after I make a cut to my Remeron.    What I notice the most these days is how sensitive and reactive I am to things.  My ability to handle stress or my startle response is huge.  I'm always gasping or giving a small scream when I am caught off guard.  I also feel any question that is asked of me has a hidden criticism. 

 

I feel extremely think skinned and clumsy.   

 

Just need to write it out. 

[AliG]

Hibari.  I know and I get it. You are doing so well .    You will be off them soon enough but I can understand the impatience.

Cheering you on. You will get there. You have come such a long way.

Hugs,

Ali

[Hibari]

Thank you Ali.  It feels good to cheered on!

[Hibari]

I want to know if people, both men and women who had hot flashes during wd, found them to disappear when they were med free?

 

  I'm really curious about men who had them and what they noticed about them.   I've always chalked them up to a never ending menopause but perhaps it's the temperature regulation issue. 

 

I wake up everyday with a hot flash.   Sometimes I sweat but mostly it's a heat wave.    Would really like them to go away once I am off meds.   Still taking my Vitamin C and seeing how that will affect my adrenals.

[Hibari]

What a tough couple of days and they aren't totally related to wd.  On Monday, I was hit in the forehead by a tall divider screen in my bedroom.  Bruised forehead and small black eye.  Thank goodness by skull stopped my eye from being damaged and the increase of Vitamin C I have been taking. 

 

Now, hit with the flu starting Friday night.   I feel very vulnerable because my health has been compromised for the past two years due to wd and before that starting in late 2013 I went into a depression for 8 months.   I really want to know that I can feel healthy again once all of this is over.

[freespirit]

Hibari, 

 

Sorry to hear about the recent events. I know it feels like adding insult to injury, having to cope with even more, on top of WD. I can appreciate the weariness that comes with dealing with one thing after another too. Before all this, you had a long haul caring for your mother. Of course you'd feel worn down by the whole thing. 

 

None of us can know the future. But I think you'll know good health again. Keep riding the waves and let yourself sit down once in awhile too. It's okay I believe, to have the occasional time of pulling the covers over your head. A friend shared that she did that last week, a day of feeling sorry for herself, spent in bed watching netflix and crying. By the next day, she'd popped out into a different place. She's not dealing with Wd, but other health issues and a recent death in her family. 

 

Though my health is less than perfect, many things have improved over the past year. I haven't had a cold or the flu in almost 3 years (knock on wood). When I was on the drug, I used to get a bad cold or the flu at least once a year. You'll pass through this too, and find your way forward. Be kind to yourself when you don't feel well. Hang in there...things will change again.