Pugknows Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 ((((Lee)))) Your symptoms are classic withdrawal. The GP I saw last week for something minor, unrelated to WD, said Gabapentin withdrawal doesn't last longer than two weeks. I'm 11 months out. Pfffft!!! I should have asked her to try it out for three years, then CT. Bet she'd be singing a different tune, or screaming at the top of her lungs. You'll be fine, Lee. My advice: Stay away from doctors. They cannot help you with this. They do not believe you. Your body is fine. Your nerves are shot. They will heal eventually and you will recover 100%. Love you, Pug January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
AliG Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Lee , I totally agree. It sounds like " plain old withdrawal" !! Also agree with Pug. I find the more I stay away from doctors, the healthier I get !! LOL !! Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
divalee Posted September 12, 2015 Author Share Posted September 12, 2015 Dear Pug and AliG - yes I do stay away from doctors. This is my Endocrinologist - just go once every six months for check up is all. He tries to push me to take Zoloft again - why suffer is what he says. But I will never, ever take another SSRI or any antidepressant. I never ever took anything in my life - only Zoloft.... I don't want to complain too much - after all we are all suffering. Who am I that I am more special than someone else who is suffering as much as I am.... This blurred and double vision especially when I am out - everything seems unreal when I look at everything. Sunglasses help a bit. This light headedness. If I do something too quickly it is worse. Many of us here may be the artistic type, deep thinkers, deep wisdom like myself and we seem to suffer more than the average person - certainly never taking away anyone<s suffering - no matter how little - because for those who are suffering very little is still very much suffering for them. Just want to clear that up. Sensitive people are the most genuine and honest people you will ever meet. There is nothing they won’t tell you about themselves if they trust your kindness. However, the moment you betray them, reject them or devalue them, they will end the friendship. They live with guilt and constant pain over unresolved situations and misunderstandings. They are tortured souls that are not able to live with hatred or being hated. This type of person needs the most love anyone can give them because their soul has been constantly bruised by others. However, despite the tragedy of what they have to go through in life, they remain the most compassionate people worth knowing and the ones that often become activists for the broken-hearted, forgotten and the misunderstood. They are angels with broken wings that only fly when loved.” So many of us here are angels with broken wings helping each other - it is a great group. But I will try not to keep on repeating myself - I read back to what you have all said - and again it reassures me. When walking in hell - keep walking.....Is all we can do xxxxxx Love Lee Zoloft started for 8 years - 150 mg capsules Started tapering December 3, 2011, Off Zoloft May 17, 2013 While tapering WDS were tolerable Off Zoloft debilitating WDS the worst starting around 6 months off even worse after 18 months off Now 35 months off - still in a terrible wave for months now. Link to comment
tgirl Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Lee, Just wanted to say hello and I love," when walking in hell-keep walking..... It's all we can do". Thirl April 2014 remeron 45mg. June 2014 abilify 2.5 remeron wasn't working so abilify was then added September 2014 woke up with anxiety x 100!!!! Pdoc then took me from 45 to 7.5 within a month and took abilify from 2.5 to 0 Currently Remeron 7.5 Vitamin d 5,000 iu taking for about 3 years October 2014 added fish oil/omega 3 1000 mg per day Levothyroxitine 100 10 years or so Dec 2014 started tapering 10% every 10 days-no problems. August 2015 down to 0.1 mg Woke up with severe anxiety-sleep issues-racing thoughts-depression. 9/9/15 up dose 1 mg. Link to comment
divalee Posted September 12, 2015 Author Share Posted September 12, 2015 Hello back to you Tgirl how are you - are you doing okay Love Lee Zoloft started for 8 years - 150 mg capsules Started tapering December 3, 2011, Off Zoloft May 17, 2013 While tapering WDS were tolerable Off Zoloft debilitating WDS the worst starting around 6 months off even worse after 18 months off Now 35 months off - still in a terrible wave for months now. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 (((Lee))) The intensity of your symptoms will start peeling away, followed by the disappearance of them altogether. I sound like a withdrawal fortune cookie. Pug January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus KarenB Posted September 15, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted September 15, 2015 (((Lee))) The intensity of your symptoms will start peeling away, followed by the disappearance of them altogether. I sound like a withdrawal fortune cookie. Pug So, will any of us meet a tall, handsome stranger? 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg. 2011 Escitalopram 20mg. 2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS. Effexor 150mg. 2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants. Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms). 8 month hold. 2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent). 2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well. Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea. 2023 December - Now on 5 micro-beads Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops. Symptoms begin to increase. 2024 April - Updosed to 6 microbeads - immediate increase in symptoms for 4 days. Decreased to 5 microbeads. 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.' Dr Gabor Mate. Link to comment
divalee Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 Thank you Pug you always give me such great hope but boy I am getting worse these days and it scares me. But I am betting on what you are saying with every bit of my being. xxxx Zoloft started for 8 years - 150 mg capsules Started tapering December 3, 2011, Off Zoloft May 17, 2013 While tapering WDS were tolerable Off Zoloft debilitating WDS the worst starting around 6 months off even worse after 18 months off Now 35 months off - still in a terrible wave for months now. Link to comment
divalee Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 Does it get worse before it gets better. Now 28 months off Zoloft - and it is just getting worse. Maybe it is because I have life issues that are so devastating that it doesn't help my WDs - I think if I could get through this life issue I would be getting better faster - I don't know, but this wave I have had for months and months now - just seem to be getting worse. I heard that it does get worse before it gets better. Please forgive me for always coming here for reassurance. This is not my character at all. I am just so surprised I am like this. Love Lee It is not just - grief is what you pay for love. Grief is what we pay for going on these drugs too. If happy little bluebirds fly Beyond the rainbow So can .......you.......and......I...... Zoloft started for 8 years - 150 mg capsules Started tapering December 3, 2011, Off Zoloft May 17, 2013 While tapering WDS were tolerable Off Zoloft debilitating WDS the worst starting around 6 months off even worse after 18 months off Now 35 months off - still in a terrible wave for months now. Link to comment
Skylarblue75 Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Just stopping by to say hi Spring of 1998 place on birth control pills for irregular bleeding, high testosterone and one ovarian cyst, stayed on until April 2004, told to take hormone holiday, conceived first son 4 months later-VERY BIG SUPRISE, was told wouldn't be able to have childern or would need reproductive doctor to help. Got pregnant again 2006 with second son easily, then was on/off birthcontrol again until October 2011, concieved 3rd son in October 2011(tried many times to get pregant again when 2nd child was close to 2yrs, hormone problems started again after 2nd child, along with thyroid enlargement. Spring of 2001 celexa 10 mgs-rx'd by pcp for complaints of chronic fatigue, irritability and weight gain, stayed on until June 2005, switched to Lexapro 20mgs for PPD, stayed on Lexapro 6-7 months, couldn't afford to see psyh dr. and Lexapro, saw PCP switched back to 20mgs celexa in 2007, remained on until November 2011, was c/t off due to 3rd pregnancy, baby had umbilical cord defect, seemed ok during pregnancy, except for crying jags here and there. Our miracle baby was born July 20th 2012, healthy except with reflux. One month later the anxiety,restlessness,horrible crying, insomnia and the deepest depression ever. That started the psyh drug nightmare-benzo's,antidepressants, sleeping pills, mood stablizers. Nothing help made me worse, doctors just kept changing the meds frequently. 4 mental health hospitalizations, rapid detox off benzos Jan 2013, horrible withdrawal and still suffering withdrawal symptoms NO ONE BELIEVES ME, I feel like ive been on one consistant drug withdrawal for the past 2 years January 2014 slow titrate up of lexapro to 20 mgs-horrible side effects!!, was just rapidly taper by current pysh off to pursade me to try an MAOI-no way!!! Was told should consider ECT Link to comment
laineyk Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Hi in all your symptoms do you ever get burning feeling in your head? this has started up and now is becoming daily...scares me bad I am being tested for Sjogrens because of dry eye so severe don't even ask about the woozy/off balance feeling I fight everyday either oh how I wish there was a support group where I live that I could go and cry on someones shoulder 2006-2012 50mgs zoloftskipped doses every other day for a year and started having anxiety again in March 2012back on at 50mgs Dec 2013started taper from benzos April 2014 per Heather Ashton method (c/o from kpin to diazepam)March 2015 started 1.25mg lorazepamTapered off Zoloft in May off in 4 weeks...5 weeks later crashing AGAIN. Dr wanted to start Gabapentin tried it 7 daysSymptoms :burning eyes, anxiety, pounding heart, dizzy, strange head feeling, internal shaking, Overall UNWELLTaking lorazepam 1.25mg daily Link to comment
divalee Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 Laineyk Yes my head is burning and very tight feeling.....my anxiety is sky high and visual disturbances worse than ever......I am praying this has just got to turn around.....28 months today....off Zoloft Love all this group so much .....and my precious gem Pug who lights up the darkest of roads..... Love Lee Zoloft started for 8 years - 150 mg capsules Started tapering December 3, 2011, Off Zoloft May 17, 2013 While tapering WDS were tolerable Off Zoloft debilitating WDS the worst starting around 6 months off even worse after 18 months off Now 35 months off - still in a terrible wave for months now. Link to comment
Nomoreheadmeds Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 i hope it eases for you soon 'divalee' Sertraline 100mg amytrip 60mg diazepam 4mg (and when needed) since late 90's.Reduced all meds over 6 wks (too short) last doses 13 wks ago.Still having withdrawals.I would have done it differently 5th august 2015 reinstated 5mg amytripiline.increased to 10mg amtrip 9th sept 2015. Link to comment
divalee Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 Thank you Nomoreheadmeds. How are you doing... Love Lee Zoloft started for 8 years - 150 mg capsules Started tapering December 3, 2011, Off Zoloft May 17, 2013 While tapering WDS were tolerable Off Zoloft debilitating WDS the worst starting around 6 months off even worse after 18 months off Now 35 months off - still in a terrible wave for months now. Link to comment
Nomoreheadmeds Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 still wired most of the time 'divalee' just gotta ride the wave i suppose Sertraline 100mg amytrip 60mg diazepam 4mg (and when needed) since late 90's.Reduced all meds over 6 wks (too short) last doses 13 wks ago.Still having withdrawals.I would have done it differently 5th august 2015 reinstated 5mg amytripiline.increased to 10mg amtrip 9th sept 2015. Link to comment
divalee Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 Would you tell me your symptoms , Nomore xxxxx Love Lee Zoloft started for 8 years - 150 mg capsules Started tapering December 3, 2011, Off Zoloft May 17, 2013 While tapering WDS were tolerable Off Zoloft debilitating WDS the worst starting around 6 months off even worse after 18 months off Now 35 months off - still in a terrible wave for months now. Link to comment
Nomoreheadmeds Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Sure, anxiety,depression,ocd,burning hips and back,brain fog,tiresness,insomnia,agoraphobia thats about it. Sertraline 100mg amytrip 60mg diazepam 4mg (and when needed) since late 90's.Reduced all meds over 6 wks (too short) last doses 13 wks ago.Still having withdrawals.I would have done it differently 5th august 2015 reinstated 5mg amytripiline.increased to 10mg amtrip 9th sept 2015. Link to comment
divalee Posted September 17, 2015 Author Share Posted September 17, 2015 I am sorry for your suffering Nomore - You have lots of symptoms...I have much much more....but doesn't matter how many we have...we all suffer the same amount of fear and pain. Love Lee Zoloft started for 8 years - 150 mg capsules Started tapering December 3, 2011, Off Zoloft May 17, 2013 While tapering WDS were tolerable Off Zoloft debilitating WDS the worst starting around 6 months off even worse after 18 months off Now 35 months off - still in a terrible wave for months now. Link to comment
Nomoreheadmeds Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 yes thats true lee Sertraline 100mg amytrip 60mg diazepam 4mg (and when needed) since late 90's.Reduced all meds over 6 wks (too short) last doses 13 wks ago.Still having withdrawals.I would have done it differently 5th august 2015 reinstated 5mg amytripiline.increased to 10mg amtrip 9th sept 2015. Link to comment
AliG Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 Hi Lee, I do find that worry & stress, seems to bring on stronger waves,that seem more extreme. I've just been through it, myself. However, I'm sure these will calm down in time. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
divalee Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 AliG yes I believe that too. Thank you. Love Lee Zoloft started for 8 years - 150 mg capsules Started tapering December 3, 2011, Off Zoloft May 17, 2013 While tapering WDS were tolerable Off Zoloft debilitating WDS the worst starting around 6 months off even worse after 18 months off Now 35 months off - still in a terrible wave for months now. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 ((((Sweet Diva)))) I'm sorry you are still suffering. 28 months off drugs is a long time, which means you don't have much longer to go. I've heard many stories of people suffering debilitating symptoms all the way through post withdrawal up until the very end, so don't despair. You aren't getting worse. You are getting better. Your brain is figuring everything out and, when the mess is untangled, you will be completely healed, feeling better than you have your whole previous life. Believe it. Love, Pug January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
divalee Posted September 18, 2015 Author Share Posted September 18, 2015 Pug how I love you This morning I had a silent migraine with aura...Those are migraines with no pain you see a pattern, mine is always like a zigzag lightening bolt. It starts out very small to the left or your eye and then grows bigger and bigger until it disappears. Take about 25 minutes then it is gone. I have had many since my Wds...I have had migraine with aura before but they were maybe once a year if that...since Wds I have had many in one year and it is said it is due to the Wds too. My head feels like a brick and my visual disturbance seems worse.....I is really frightening seeing that while going off Zoloft the symptoms were not severe like they are now....it seems to be getting worse and worse. But AltoStrata I think suffered much longer - and others that I know of too. going in to my third year maybe there is a chance things will turn around. Even when off completely it wasn't this bad. It started getting bad around the 7th month off and just seemed to have gotten worse and worse. Pug thank you for not forgetting about me..I am at my darkest hours - but not the type to do anything to myself. I am a strong person - I have faced adversity all my life - and never ever thought about taking anything. It always passed. We have to face life - there are no fast fixes - Loved one dies, divorce, losing your job, etc - is all part of life - and we heal from each thing we have to face. Biggest mistake of my life going on Zoloft the only thing I ever took - I don't even take an aspirin when I have a headache - still I am suffering so much - I wonder if many here has visual disturbances or distortions like I have. I am so afraid it will never leave me - although I have excellent vision...I don't wear glasses and can see the smallest font on the pc...still I have so much problems . I read that WDs and high anxiety can do tricks to your vision..and will resolve.. Again you are a precious gem so bright it shines right through the darkest of nights Grief is what we pay for love it is said.......but grief is what we pay for taking these drugs too. Song for this group - music is my soul, and my soul is music... I cried a tear, you wiped it dry I was confused, you cleared my mind I sold my soul, you bought it back for me And held me up and gave me dignity Somehow you needed me You gave me strength to stand alone again To face the world out on my own again You put me high upon a pedestal So high that I could almost see eternity You needed me, you needed me And I can't believe it's you I can't believe it's true I needed you and you were there And I'll never leave, why should I leave, I'd be a fool 'Cause I finally found someone who really cares You held my hand when it was cold When I was lost, you took me home You gave me hope when I was at the end And turned my lies back into truth again You even called me friend You gave me strength to stand alone again To face the world out on my own again You put me high upon a pedestal So high that I could almost see eternity You needed me, you needed me You needed me, you needed me Much love, Lee Zoloft started for 8 years - 150 mg capsules Started tapering December 3, 2011, Off Zoloft May 17, 2013 While tapering WDS were tolerable Off Zoloft debilitating WDS the worst starting around 6 months off even worse after 18 months off Now 35 months off - still in a terrible wave for months now. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I love that song. Beautiful, Lee. Sweetheart, many many people suffer debilitating migraines and auras throughout the withdrawal process and they fully recover. You are not permanently damaged. You will recover 150%. You are discouraged by the length of time this has been going on. You are exhausted. You do not see an end to this. Think of your brain as the cogs in a clock. In a perfectly healthy brain, the cogs keep interlocking and clicking together to tell the accurate time. If the teeth of the cogs are worn down in places, they slip sometimes, and the clock sputters and skips and misses catching the teeth of the other cogs. It doesn't keep the correct time because the rhythm is interrupted. The difference is our brains are not pieces of metal. Our brains are alive and our cogs keep growing bigger and healthier every day. Eventually, the cogs of our brain grow teeth strong enough to catch the teeth of the other cogs perfectly. Rhythm is restored. The withdrawal is over. We are healed. The biggest problem with this withdrawal process is we have no idea "how much longer." There is no calendar, no concrete anecdotal evidence, no research data that gives us a timeline of when this suffering will end. It throws us into horrible thoughts and scenarios that it may NEVER end. But, if you read the thousands of success stories reported by Baylissa Fredricks, the British Tranquilizer Project and many other support groups, EVERYONE HEALS 100%. So you know what? We wait. And wait. And wait some more. One day, it will be OUR time for recovery. It's just not our turn yet. It is not a question of WILL I HEAL? It is a question of WHEN WILL I HEAL? In your darkest hours, think about all the sufferers who came before us and have healed 100%. The stories of recovery will buy you the strength to carry on one more day, sweetheart. You may very well be at the end of your journey. You probably are so close to the withdrawal cave's exit. I can see the daylight from here. Love you, Pug January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
divalee Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 Dearest Pug I just don't know what to say to you - what a beautiful, uplifting, encouraging and hopeful post. Yes we will carry on - we will heal 100%...just you wait and see See why I call you a precious gem - you have earned that title 1000% Thank you so much Oh PS. I heard that we mustn't take any NSAID like aspirin. I take Anacin for my headaches because it is the only thing that will take it away. But I heard going through healing process it might interefere or regress the healing process - is this true. I never take it...have not for a long time.. Would love to take one today but am so afraid to interfere in anyway the healing process. Tylenol and other headache pills do nothing for me Love Lee Zoloft started for 8 years - 150 mg capsules Started tapering December 3, 2011, Off Zoloft May 17, 2013 While tapering WDS were tolerable Off Zoloft debilitating WDS the worst starting around 6 months off even worse after 18 months off Now 35 months off - still in a terrible wave for months now. Link to comment
Horns85 Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Hi Lee, Wanted to stop by your thread. Like you I tapered what I thought was slowly. 10mg of Lexapro over a 6 month period via Liquid escitalopram. I didn't have hardly any effects while tapering. Some, but not many. Once I was off, the first 6-7 months were difficult but not unbearable. Month 8, wham!! I was sitting in my car drinking a smoothie and derealization hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn't know what it was at first. I have now had it 24/7 for almost 4 months. It varies in intensity but always feels like I am behind a glass wall. Agitation and anxiety through the roof now as well! I also have days where the bridge of nose hurts and it feels like one eye is blurry. My vision is perfect like yours and mine switches from eye to eye. I have found that the eye thing and bridge of nose thing is 100% anxiety. When I am cognizant of the nose pressure, and relax my face, it goes away. I believe you are so tense from WD anxiety and holding it all in your face muscles. I may be wrong, but that's what I think. As far as the DR, I have experienced this after panic attacks before meds. But it would only last an hour or so. The way you and I feel now, because of the WD, it's just not right and I sympathize with you!! We will heal, we will heal 200%! Time and patience. You have suffered so long that your day is just around the corner. I am sure of it my friend! Lexapro from October 2012-October 2014 10mg from Oct 2012-Feb 2013, 20mg from Feb 2013-June 2013, 10mg from July 2013-April 2014Began taper via liquid Lexapro from April 2014-September 2014(Roughly 6 month taper)---0.00 on Oct 1 2014--WD began in December 2014 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reinstated to 10mg - 10mg Tablet October 15, 2015 - Stable by Mid-January, 2016 2016 - 9mg 3/26/16....8mg 5/11/16....7mg 7/05/16....6mg 8/26/16....5mg 10/31/16 2017 - 4mg 3/06/17....3mg 6/24/17....2mg 9/07/17...1.25mg 10/21/17....1mg 11/04/2017 2018 - 0.75mg 1/21/18....0.5mg 2/18/18....0.25mg 3/13/18....0.125mg 3/27/18....0.000 4/9/18 Supplements - 15B probiotic on and off. Usually helps w/ mood but sometimes is too activating. Link to comment
divalee Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 Horns85 Honest to God I cry when I read these posts. How much we are all suffering - Yes we will get well - reading what all of you are saying - I believe you - and I have to believe in myself too. Please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing. Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me. Love Lee Because of all of you There's a song in my heart Because of you, My life is now worthwhile And I can smile, because of you. xxxx Zoloft started for 8 years - 150 mg capsules Started tapering December 3, 2011, Off Zoloft May 17, 2013 While tapering WDS were tolerable Off Zoloft debilitating WDS the worst starting around 6 months off even worse after 18 months off Now 35 months off - still in a terrible wave for months now. Link to comment
Pugknows Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Lee, don't worry about the Tylenol. Take it if you think it may help. I think it is counterproductive for us to carry around paranoia of all medications, even OTC meds that may not throw us into a tailspin. I have taken an occasional half tablet of Unisom for insomnia when I absolutely cannot get to sleep and, within minutes, I'm out like a light. It works SO well, I'm scared to take it. It's a shame what this withdrawal has done to us, making us paranoid about trying something to help us through this process. I think many of us on the forum don't want to give advice about taking OTC meds because we would feel awful if our advice backfired and made someone worse. I can only tell you what I would do, not what you should do. If one of my symptoms was debilitating enough, and stayed around a long time, I would try something OTC that may lessen the severity of the pain. I would never take an AD, benzo, or any other hard core psyche drug that severely alters brain chemistry. What you need to keep in mind is that you are still suffering from many symptoms, which means your CNS is still in an uproar, and you may not experience the relief you are seeking, or your nerves are so sensitive that you may have a bad reaction. I wish I could be more helpful. I didn't take an AD that got me here. Maybe someone with more experience with AD withdrawal and the impact of NSAIDs will stop by and post their opinion. Please wait until someone more knowledgeable stops by to comment. Love you, Pug January 2012 - Prescribed 900mg gabapentin and 30mg Norco for lower lumber spinal stenosis pain. September 2013 - Spinal fusion surgery, 6 levels. Hospital ramped up meds 1500mg gabapentin, 100mg Norco, 80mg Oxycontin, 25mg Fentanyl patch. January 2014 - Sever nausea daily and with back pain every 4 hours. 2 trips to ER. First endoscopy found ulcer. Treated with Sucralfate and PPI. Second endo in May found no ulcers. Doctors said it was the opiates causing the nausea. CT'd Oxycontin, Fentanyl patch. July 2014 - Lost 48 lbs. due to not eating because of severe nausea. GP prescribed Prozac 20mg and Ativan 2mg prn. Tried for 4 days, quit. Two week followup GP said keep taking Prozac. 4 days, quit again. Ativan taken rarely prn for anxiety and appetite. August 2014 - Went to detox. Off opiates. Still nauseous, helmet head, drugged feeling. Doctor CT'd gabapentin. Ended up in ER. Found 2 gallstones. Gabapentin reinstated at 900mg. Tried botched up and down taper to get off Gabapentin. No tapering advice from doctor. Said to just CT again. September 2014 - Coded on table during gallbladder surgery. Developed liver biloma due to CPR by doctor. Had bile bulb inserted for 2 wks to drain. October 2014 - Gallbladder removed. Still nauseous, 3am cortisol surging, drugged helmet head, vertigo, breathlessness, whooshing head, heart palps. November 8th, 2014 - CT'd gabapentin suggested by family and 4 different doctors. Was told no withdrawal is associated with gabapentin. Have been in hell ever since. No windows, just one big tsunami every day with same symptoms for 4 months. December 26, 2014 - Found SA. At least I know I'm not insane. My family thinks I'm doing this to myself. Akathesia has become unbearable. March 10, 2015 - In absolute daily hell with no relief. Currently taking magnesium 200mg before bedtime. Link to comment
divalee Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 Dearest Pug Yes this is all true what you have said. You ask your GP and he says or sure you can take - never thinking at all. You always give such sound advice - and think deeper than most. Our Auras match so well. What brought you here if it were not AD. Benzos maybe. They are just as bad. Thank you once more for your uplifting words - you said you wouldn't forget me...I knew you wouldn't. Love Lee We are not whole when we are in this place. Tear a star from out the sky And the Sky Feels Blue Tear a petal from a Rose and The Rose Weeps too.... Would you take the wings from Birds So that they cant fly Would you take the oceans Roar And just leave the sky.... We need to be whole no matter who and what we are. Zoloft started for 8 years - 150 mg capsules Started tapering December 3, 2011, Off Zoloft May 17, 2013 While tapering WDS were tolerable Off Zoloft debilitating WDS the worst starting around 6 months off even worse after 18 months off Now 35 months off - still in a terrible wave for months now. Link to comment
divalee Posted September 27, 2015 Author Share Posted September 27, 2015 Hello I know I cant come here complaining all the time. Scare and wondering if this is withdrawal or am I going to be like this the rest of my life. I cant keep doing that. But I have no other place to go to. I have learned that friends will listen for a while but then they don't understand and come around less and less. I have learned not to say anything any more. Well being like this I have become more or less a recluse. I really don't want to see anyone. My parents are dead, my brother has died, my son has died of leukemia. I am only 44 years old - All through adversity I never took a single anti-depressant - life is life - we have to face obstacle - and each time the pain goes away. Not the person ever - but each time we face adversity we come out a stronger person. Anti-depressants are not the way to go. So why, I will never understand did I take them when first finding out my son had leukemia. I guess this was a challenge I could not face and thus fell for this quick fix. It never worked. It did nothing for me those 8 9 years on Zoloft but leave me with no emotions, nothing at all. So I took a year and a half to go off them, apparently not slow enough. Now I am 28 months off and seems to be getting worse, not better. My main complaints are distorted vision, head pressure bridge of nose pressure, well I have mentioned it all here before - migraines constantly, DP...depression feelings of just giving up. All the things most of us here are going through. I am really just venting. I hope this is allowed here. I lost the sunshine and roses I lost the heaven so blue I lost the beautiful rainbow I lost the morning dew I lost the angels who gave me Summer the whole winter through I lost the gladness that turned in to sadness When I .....lost.....me.....through this anti-depressant Love Lee Zoloft started for 8 years - 150 mg capsules Started tapering December 3, 2011, Off Zoloft May 17, 2013 While tapering WDS were tolerable Off Zoloft debilitating WDS the worst starting around 6 months off even worse after 18 months off Now 35 months off - still in a terrible wave for months now. Link to comment
direstraits Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 so sorry you're suffering so much,DivaLee,I'm back in the hole ,too. so sorry for your loss..I also lost achild to a rare genetic disorder... I know how hard it is to live with...pm me if you want,anytime...sending love & hugs your way. went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs. Link to comment
divalee Posted September 27, 2015 Author Share Posted September 27, 2015 aww Direstraits my heart goes out to you. Bless you and we will walk this road together - only those who have walked in our shoes know..... Much love to you........grief is what we pay for love.....and what we pay for taking this poison. Zoloft started for 8 years - 150 mg capsules Started tapering December 3, 2011, Off Zoloft May 17, 2013 While tapering WDS were tolerable Off Zoloft debilitating WDS the worst starting around 6 months off even worse after 18 months off Now 35 months off - still in a terrible wave for months now. Link to comment
divalee Posted October 18, 2015 Author Share Posted October 18, 2015 Hello again Today I am off Zoloft 2 years and 5 months - 29 months. I am still struggling with all these symptoms Head pressure Distorted vision Blurred vision Pressure bridge of nose paresthesia face, head, tingling corner of mouth and tongue (not all the time) Migraines Morning anxiety with crying Profuse sweating at night where my sheets and myself are soaking wet weight loss , went from 122 pounds to 106 lbs. cannot gain no matter what I do Pressure in ears All this does not stop me from doing what I have to do. I do my shopping, clean my house albeit crying doing it sometimes. But I do it..I wont let this stop me. I take an elderly lady to do her weekly grocery shopping every Saturday with great anxiety but do it anyway. I don't know when all this will end - if it ever will. I know I have a great loss - one a few months ago....but another huge loss that will happen tomorrow.... I suppose the stresses of life other than WDs doesn't help the WDs at all. Cause anxiety and hopelessness of trying to face your life with so many losses is bound to attack our Central Nervous System just as WDs attack our CNS. I will not give up - we mustn't give up. Face fear straight in the face and carry on. My life from age 3 was of abandonment and rejection - orphanage - I am an artistic person who is a deep thinker, a musician and writer - and my soul is always in pain. It isn't the clinical depression type it is a soul who just knows so so much - and carries the world on its shoulders. So with so much pain for humanity, for so much pain of all of my losses...I think that is why my WDs are taking so long to leave me. No one should be allowed to suffer so much - no one....but maybe when the suffering has ended we are stronger for it - on a different level of evolution - maybe it is all worth it after all. One day the world will realise that love is all there is and is all that is needed. I don't know what love is - but I know how to give it. Love Lee I wish all of you.....enough Zoloft started for 8 years - 150 mg capsules Started tapering December 3, 2011, Off Zoloft May 17, 2013 While tapering WDS were tolerable Off Zoloft debilitating WDS the worst starting around 6 months off even worse after 18 months off Now 35 months off - still in a terrible wave for months now. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus KarenB Posted October 18, 2015 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted October 18, 2015 Oh Lee, Hugs and hugs and hugs for you. What strength there is in your words, and what sadness too. You are right - there is love, and there is goodness too. I do believe the symptoms will end, but I know you have waited so long already, and I don't want to end up writing cheap words. You deserve more. You have my ears, and my empathy, and my strong belief that healing will continue to happen for you. Love, Karen 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg. 2011 Escitalopram 20mg. 2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS. Effexor 150mg. 2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants. Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms). 8 month hold. 2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent). 2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well. Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea. 2023 December - Now on 5 micro-beads Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops. Symptoms begin to increase. 2024 April - Updosed to 6 microbeads - immediate increase in symptoms for 4 days. Decreased to 5 microbeads. 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.' Dr Gabor Mate. Link to comment
divalee Posted October 19, 2015 Author Share Posted October 19, 2015 Karen Thank you so much for your kind words. All we need is a cuddle sometimes - not sympathy but just a cuddle and you have given me that. I hope that what you are having to endure on this road so difficult that only us who are on it can understand will ease soon for you. That is why this group is so important for all of us. We must help each along the road when we stumble too much. It is okay to cry because it just means that we have been strong for too long. Thank you again Karen Love Lee Zoloft started for 8 years - 150 mg capsules Started tapering December 3, 2011, Off Zoloft May 17, 2013 While tapering WDS were tolerable Off Zoloft debilitating WDS the worst starting around 6 months off even worse after 18 months off Now 35 months off - still in a terrible wave for months now. Link to comment
AliG Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 Lee, I admire your strength & fortitude. You have an admirable courage, and " dogged " determination , to " carry" on, no matter what. You keep doing what you have to do, despite everything. I like your positive attitude. It exudes strong will, on your part. I'm sorry for your losses, and I do think the stress of all that , exacerbates the withdrawal process, and can bring on many waves. A veritable " tsunami", in fact. . I've been there, too, so I understand. I have this quote on my thread that seems appropriate, here, as well. " The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen" . Elisabeth Kubler Ross. You are indeed, a beautiful person, Lee. Hugs, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
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