divalee: 24 months off Zoloft

[divalee]

Ali  thank you so much for that piece

 

I know of Elizabeth Kubler Ross..have read much about her.

 

Please tell me how you are doing.  It isn't just about me - it is about all of us who are suffering more than we should be allowed.

 

I wish you...enough

 

Love

Lee

[AliG]

 Lee,

 

I'm getting by .  Minute by minute.   Thanks for asking . 

 

It's hard, but I'm getting there.  I had a better day, today .

 

Ali.

[divalee]

Hello Again

 

Some reassurance again -  I am not yet in menopause as my GP indicated.  The profuse sweating I have at night apparently isn't the same as menopause sweating, he said.  Because I would have sweats during the day - the sweats usually you become very hot, face gets red, and perspire some.

 

What I have is only at night- so bad that my sheets and myself are soaking throughout - even my underwear which I wear and a t shirt to bed.. are soaking wet...I wake up suddenly in a panic of crying with it also.

 

I know this is WDs  because it is written many places....I just want to know if anyone here has experienced this....

 

also my many symptoms I have described here - still remain.  It is funny though, I always feel better when night time comes -  only for everything to return again next morning.

 

Yesterday I did what I had to do -  the hardest thing I ever had to do -  and hopefully I can live without this person -  but had to leave for my own life to continue.

 

Why I am saying this is- now maybe my WDs will ease up .....Because our CNS has been attached by WDs - and also has been attacked my severe and almost impossible stress...So alleviating my life stress -  hopefully my WDs will get better too.

 

I have left the dark forest - and walking towards Emerald City, where I will find my way home again.

 

Grief is what we pay for love       and Grief is what we pay for taking these medications which we thought would help us. 

 

If happy little bluebirds fly

Beyond the Rainbow

So can........you.......and.....I.........

 

I wish every single one of you - and I know how much all of you are suffering......

 

I wish you......enough.

 

Love

Lee

 

 

[divalee]

Hello my monthly update

 

It will be 30 months in a week that I am off Zoloft.  I am still suffering side effects.  The worst of all is my head -  pins and needles, lightheaded, pressure in my head - mild headache all the time, blocked ears even though they are not blocked just feels that way.  Pressure across the bridge of my nose, visual disturbances...everything from the neck up. 

 

Now in the past week or so -  these have gotten worse, like I am very tired, depression.  Last night went to bed 8 30 pm because I was so exhausted.  I am afraid I will be like this forever -  sometimes I think this cant be withdrawals - why is it lasting so long. 

 

I am wondering if my WDs are worse because of a loss of someone I loved very much.  The door is closed permanently and the raw reality of it all is sinking in.  But we have to realise that nothing lasts forever, everything comes to an end sooner or later, but when it happens it is so hard to let go. 

 

So I have two things in my life - this horrible withdrawal and the loss of someone I loved more than anyone should be allowed to love.  

 

Maybe this is why my WDs are worse...I just don't know.  

 

We have to stay whole -  we cannot give half of ourselves away -  it is like

 

Tearing a star from out the sky....

The sky will feel blue

 

Tear a petal from a Rose

and the Rose will weep too

 

Would you take the wings from birds

So that they cant fly

 

Would you take the oceans roar

and just leave the sky

 

We must stay in the whole - but we tend to give all of ourselves to whom we love....and that can destroy us.

 

Sorry just venting here....

 

My withdrawals seem worse - but as I said it doesn't stop me from doing everything I must do.  I do it....we cannot give up.

 

Love

Lee

Do any of you have these WDs symptoms.....xxxx

[AliG]

Divalee,

 

I do believe , that any stress amplifies  symptoms . Particularly, emotional ones.   I'm so sorry for your loss. 

 

You are such a " sweet soul", and I hope you find some peace , after this.

 

Love,

 

Ali.

[divalee]

Thank you Ali -  one sweet soul meets another - thank you.

 

I am so frightened you know - but I have to know that this too will pass....We all have to know that this nightmare we are going through together will pass. 

 

I wonder what happened to Pugknows - she doesn't post any more - I do hope she is doing okay -

 

much love to you

 

Lee

xxx

[OutdoorsMan15]

 

 

It will be 30 months in a week that I am off Zoloft.  I am still suffering side effects.  The worst of all is my head -  pins and needles, lightheaded, pressure in my head - mild headache all the time, blocked ears even though they are not blocked just feels that way.  Pressure across the bridge of my nose, visual disturbances...everything from the neck up. 

 

 

Minus the headache, these have been my worst symptoms.  I am 11 months off Effexor.

 

For the first 5 months, it felt as if a heavy weight was hanging off of my face.  It was like my lower lip was sagging, totally weird and uncomfortable.  At 6 months this merged with pins and needles in the bridge of my nose and the lower portion of my forehead.  At about 10 months the pins and needles are weakening but now I have awful dizziness/visual disturbances.  I keep trying to determine if I'm really getting better and the most definitive answer I can give myself is, "it's changing."

 

The windows/waves drives me nuts.  Certain stimuli like heat, sunlight, alcohol and caffeine makes these symptoms worse - drives me nuts.  It all drives me nuts.

 

I also convince myself at times that this has to be something other than drug w/d.  For the past week I've been convincing myself that I have lyme disease, even though I was tested for it a few months ago. (I'm nuts!)

 

I'm in this weird limbo where I can function pretty well throughout the day but my quality of life stinks.  Just gotta keep pressing on.  Similar story for you?

[divalee]

Very close to what you are experiencing Outdoors.....all from my chin up now....and I think like you.....maybe something else wrong with me.  I sometimes think this cannot be WDs....but what else can it be.  I  have had all the tests possible and nothing is wrong with me...No you aint nuts dear Outdoors - we all think that way after awhile when we don't see improvement day after day after day.

 

But as I have read here - it will get better - we have to believe that ...it will get better.  Many of my WDs symptoms have disappeared.....it is now just my head....but it really is terrible.....pins and needles everywhere and pressure.....light headedness and visual disturbances ....steady every day.....

 

Stay strong.....promise....and I will too.....please check in with me again and I you.......

 

Love

Lee

[Pugknows]

Lee,

 

It looks like you're getting very close to 100% healing! All your symptoms are "in your head," said the psychiatrist. Ha!

 

Now that your symptoms have all moved up north to your head, there's nowhere else for them to go but OUT.

 

Love, Pug

[divalee]

Yes exactly...thank you for this...it is so wonderful to hear from you....when we get some support it means so so much

 

Because of you

There<s a song in my heart

Because of you my life is now worthwhile

And I can smile,,,,,,because.....of.......you.....

 

xxxx

Love

Lee

[divalee]

I am sorry but I cannot find my last post it has been a few weeks so I cant find it.  So please forgive if I am in the wrong place

 

I am almost 31 months off Zoloft and I have been in this bad wave for months and months ...head pressure, ear pressure, pins and needles  head face lips...lightheadedness, visual disturbances, distorted vision, neck pain, crying spells, anxiety and mild depression....

 

Is this withdrawals still or am I going be to like this forever.  It is very hard to live like this.  Can someone tell me if they have any of these symptoms and did it get better...

 

I don't like to complain, I try very hard not to.  No one knows here how I feel because I have learned that no one really cares -  maybe they do for a while, but if you take too long to heal they disappear.  I don't blame them, no one wants to be around someone who cannot enjoy their life.

 

I am a singer, an artistic person who had such a full life - now there is nothing but emptiness...I am young, everything to live for - but really have nothing to live for feeling like this.

 

Just need some kind of encouragement is all.....I always pick myself up and am so frightened that one day on wont be able to any more.

 

Thank you for listening

Love

Lee (f)

 

 

[Fresh]

Here you go divalee

[ChessieCat]

Hi Lee,

 

The mods will move this to your Intro topic.  The link for it is divalee-24-months-off-zoloft/#entry161655

 

If you click on that link, you can add it to your favourites in your web browser OR click on the Follow Topic at the top right.

 

Sorry to hear you are not doing well.  Hopefully someone will be able to offer some suggestions.

 

CC

[KarenB]

Moved post to poster's original thread.

[KarenB]

Lee,

 

I moved this for you - hope you've found it okay with CC's link. 

 

Things always change, it's just hard to remember that when you're in the hard times.  You have a lot of strength to have got you this far, and it will help you with your next steps too.

 

Hugs,

KarenB 

[Petunia]

Hi Lee,

Its one intro/update topic per member. Karen moved your new post to your original thread. As CC suggested, if you bookmark or follow your topic, you will be able to find it again.

 

I'm sorry to hear you have been in this wave for a while now. What you describe sounds like typical withdrawal symptoms. You've had tests which have come back clear, so I think you can be assured this is withdrawal.

 

It tend to agree with what you have suggested here:

 

I am wondering if my WDs are worse because of a loss of someone I loved very much.  The door is closed permanently and the raw reality of it all is sinking in.  But we have to realise that nothing lasts forever, everything comes to an end sooner or later, but when it happens it is so hard to let go. 

 

So I have two things in my life - this horrible withdrawal and the loss of someone I loved more than anyone should be allowed to love.  

 

Maybe this is why my WDs are worse...I just don't know.  

 

 

Grieving for the loss of a loved one can be incredibly stressful and increased stress can increase withdrawal symptoms. Perhaps you might consider counseling to help you with this loss.

[apace41]

I am a singer, an artistic person who had such a full life, and will have a full life again once I'm through with withdrawal - now there is nothing but emptiness for the time being I feel a little bit empty sometimes but I know that I am recovering and this is temporary...I am young, everything to live for - but really have nothing to live for feeling like this.

 

Good news, Lee!

 

I fixed your post!!!

 

 

Believe that you are healing because you are.  This wave will be over soon and you will continue to improve.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[divalee]

_{Thank all of you for your replies they help so so much....Thank you...and will continue this hard journey....will not give up...}

 

_{Somewhere over the rainbow}

_{Skies are blue}

 

_{If happy little bluebirds fly}

_{Beyond the rainbow}

_{so can......you.....and.......I..........just you wait and see}

_xxx

[divalee]

Hello here I am again

 

Now going on 32 months off Zoloft...and I have been in a wave for months now....just doesn't seem to get better at all.

 

What I am enduring is

 

Pins and needles in my head, face lips and pressure bridge of nose

Head pressure all the time...my head never clears

have lightheadedness and if I move around too quickly I feel worse

visual disturbances...

Depression

Crying

Anxiety

ear pressure

 

Has anyone any of these symptoms....this is so long....and there is no let up....could there be something else wrong...I have had all the tests..always comes out normal.

 

Thank you for listening   I hate coming here to complain - b ut sometimes there is no where to turn...and so I come here....

 

The visual disturbances are bad too...does anyone have that  xxx

Love

Lee

[AliG]

Hi Lee,

 

This is all perfectly normal in withdrawal. It's the windows and waves pattern of healing.I experience similar symptoms. Some are disconcerting but I can feel the intensity starting to lower. Eventually, they will disappear altogether.

[divalee]

Thank you AliG

 

I get so scared thinking this will never go away..i struggle to do everything - albeit I do everything I am suppose to do but just cry doing it....it is horrible..32 months....and just got worse not better.....

 

It is the double vision and the head thing that is the worse.....xxx

 

Thank you again

Love

Lee

[AliG]

Lee,

 

It will go away. I have no doubts, whatsoever.  However , it will take some time. 

[divalee]

Thank you AliG......how are you doing are you in WD or are you still tapering...are you free of side effects now.  I am sorry I haven't been keeping up feeling so awful these days.

 

Please tell me how you are doing

 

love

Lee

[divalee]

Hello Everyone

 

Yesterday was 32 months off Zoloft....I have been in this last wave for months and months...nothing seems to be getting better.  I realise that I have had two severe losses in the last two months -  but I am starting to cope much better now...One loss was my son whom I had lost many years ago due to his marriage -  so when he passed in December, it was very difficult indeed - just the thought I never having the hope of seeing him again - was sheer torture - but I have never controlled his life - and always gave him the freedom to make his dreams come true...all I wanted was his happiness -  true love for him.  I was abandoned at 3 years old by my mother and sent to an orphanage.  I know abandonment very very well.  I had him when I was very very young, a child bringing up a child....but when he was born I told him I would never ever leave him...and did not...but always he made his own choices in life - and I never ever clung to him....When I was told he wasn't going to make it I had not seen him in 8 years - his choice to stick by his wife who was very very good to him - but kept him away from all of us.   I am grateful  he loved her = and she was good to him. 

 

I was allowed to see him - he lives in another province -  when I sat next to him in his hospital room....I looked at my beloved son whom I loved dearly and said..Jay take me with you -  I just don't want to be here any more -  I know I never ever clung to you and never made you feel I was a burden to you - I made sure of that -  but I have lost another in my life too - A very very good friend whom I have lost forever.  Three abandonments in my life - 

 

So I suppose this is not helping my withdrawals -  CNS is working overtime....my migraines are worse, distorted vision is worse, pins and needles all over my face and around my eyes and pressure across the bridge of my nose, lightheadedness, ear pressure, crying and fear are my constant companions...

 

Do any of you have these symptoms - sometimes I think they are not withdrawals at all - it has been so long now....but I was assured they were.....

 

Thank you for listening.....has anyone here had withdrawals 32 months or more - when I read here I don't see anyone who has...I would feel so much better if I knew someone else had it this long.....not that I wish that on anyone ever....but just to know that this is withdrawals and not anything more.

 

Thank you for listening and please someone answer me if you have the time.

Love

Lee (f)

[KarenB]

Hello Lee,

 

I hardly know what to write - I just wish I was there to hug you and make you a cup of tea, and then sit with you.  

 

These traumas you have been through will absolutely be ramping up your w/d symptoms - everything is connected, especially through our hormones.  

 

Have a look at NZ11's thread - he's been drug-free 5 years and still in w/d. 

 

All of the symptoms you list are common w/d, but I can understand why you'd question it, being so far out.  These drugs should never have been allowed. 

 

Keep on Lee, you will surely find peace one day,

Karen

x

[divalee]

Thank you Karen - just hearing from you is enough....I hope you are doing well and not suffering too much - no one should be allowed to suffer so much.....no one.......xxxx

Love

Lee

[Fresh]

Hi divalee ,  I'm so sorry to hear of your recent losses.  Your son was still your son , even if you had separate lives.

 

David Healy talks about delayed onset of symptoms in "Shooting  the Odds Revisited"  here:  http://www.madinamerica.com/2014/07/shooting-odds-revisited/

.

 

 "While it is difficult to determine cause and effect, to some extent it appears that the late-onset symptoms are related to an excessive reaction to a stressor.  Another patient had late onset symptoms of severe anxiety after a fairly mild earthquake.  The patient commented to me that despite having been through earthquakes in the past, they had never had a fear of earthquakes before.  It seemed out of proportion to the patient.

My experience is that reinstatement of the drug shortly after onset of late withdrawal symptoms works well.  I typically reinstate slowly. It appears that the duration of drug use is unrelated to success of reinstatement.  On the other hand, the longer the late onset withdrawal symptoms persist before reinstatement, the more likely it is that reinstatement is not going to help and may hurt. "

 

Try to be as gentle with yourself as possible.  You're going through a normal grieving process on top of everything else.

It's wonderful if you can use this safe place to help process your feelings over the next months , as things settle down.

[divalee]

Thank you fresh you have been very helpful.

 

I am just wondering.....I never ever taken anything at all ....but sometimes my migraines get too much and I was wondering...

 

I will take an Anacin very rarely, but sometimes I have to......I am 32 months off Zoloft now and I wonder if anacin will interfere with my healing process....I am so frightened to take anything at all......

 

Can someone please help me with  this

 

Thank you

 

Love

Lee

[apace41]

Lee,

 

Anacin is aspirin plus caffeine.  It's hard to say whether you would react to either of them.  We have plenty of members who take both without problem and others who have been triggered by each of them.

 

Wish it were easier and could just say "go for it" or "don't do it" but nothing is easy in withdrawal.

 

I think taking care of the pain is important and that it is not likely going to do anything significant to your healing.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[divalee]

Thank you Andy...I didn't think so , it is just that I am suffering so much =  32 months off Zoloft, never took anything else ever...don't take vitamins nor any fast fixes that we think will help but I know just time will heal me.....But am at the edge with these side effects..

 

But thank you so much for taking the time to answer me.

 

I hope you are doing well....my prayers are for every single one of us here and those who have not found us yet.

 

Love

Lee

[divalee]

PUGKNOWS WHERE ARE YOU....

 

you wrote this to me a while back.  I have not seen you here for a while now -  It seems wonderful people like you disappear for some reason.  I hope you are not going through terrible withdrawals.  I pray for you all the time because you have helped me so much...gave me so much courage -

 

You wrote and I still read:

 

Sweetheart, many many people suffer debilitating migraines and auras throughout the withdrawal process and they fully recover. You are not permanently damaged. You will recover 150%. You are discouraged by the length of time this has been going on. You are exhausted. You do not see an end to this.

Think of your brain as the cogs in a clock. In a perfectly healthy brain, the cogs keep interlocking and clicking together to tell the accurate time. If the teeth of the cogs are worn down in places, they slip sometimes, and the clock sputters and skips and misses catching the teeth of the other cogs. It doesn't keep the correct time because the rhythm is interrupted.

The difference is our brains are not pieces of metal. Our brains are alive and our cogs keep growing bigger and healthier every day. Eventually, the cogs of our brain grow teeth strong enough to catch the teeth of the other cogs perfectly. Rhythm is restored. The withdrawal is over. We are healed.

The biggest problem with this withdrawal process is we have no idea "how much longer." There is no calendar, no concrete anecdotal evidence, no research data that gives us a timeline of when this suffering will end. It throws us into horrible thoughts and scenarios that it may NEVER end. But, if you read the thousands of success stories reported by Baylissa Fredricks, the British Tranquilizer Project and many other support groups, EVERYONE HEALS 100%.

So you know what? We wait. And wait. And wait some more. One day, it will be OUR time for recovery. It's just not our turn yet. It is not a question of WILL I HEAL? It is a question of WHEN WILL I HEAL?

In your darkest hours, think about all the sufferers who came before us and have healed 100%. The stories of recovery will buy you the strength to carry on one more day, sweetheart. You may very well be at the end of your journey. You probably are so close to the withdrawal cave's exit. I can see the daylight from here.

Love you, Pug          

 

32 months Pug and I am not getting any better...but I have courage every time I read this. 

 

Thank you where ever you are and I hope you are doing well.

 

If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow

 

So can......you......and........I .......

 

Love

Lee

[Fresh]

This is from pugknows' thread divalee:

 

Posted 13 November 2015 - 07:07 AM

Thank you all for your concern about Pugknows and your interest in her Intro topic.

 

Because of prior issues, Pugknows and I have come to an agreement that she will no longer participate here.

 

We all wish Pugknows well in her healing journey.

[divalee]

Oh maaan.....She was the greatest...why does this always happen to people who reach out so successfully to others....You were there like a precious gem to lit my darkest hours. xxxx

 

Pugknows   I wish you well.....and you are always wished the precious things that mean the most to you. 

 

Love

Lee

[divalee]

Hello again

 

You know I no longer think these are withdrawals.....I don't get any windows -  head pressure, dizziness, pins and needles face head lips tongue, visual disturbances...depression now,,,,,night sweats....migraines, none of this leaves me.....

 

I have no where else to go but here....I am 32 months off.....I dont see anyone here that long off so I dont know if it really is possible to still be like this after 32 months....

 

Do any of you have these symptoms.....My blood pressure goes up and down too at that worries me...last night I had such cramps in my stomach and my face and ears were beet red....I got so scared....I dont have that today.....what is wrong....I cry all the time..and cant wait for night time to go to bed....

 

I hope I am not being a pain in the neck here - but I have no where else to go....and I dont tell anyone here what I am going through because they dont understand....and I found out too that even your friends after a while if you take too long to heal...they are gone too.....It is understandable I suppose...human nature.....but this is hell on this earth...Please tell me it is still withdrawals...It just seems that it isn't...

 

If you think that I might be looking for sympathy I am not -  I never talk about this to anyone....I am looking for some hope....just some hope is all.....

 

Love

Lee

[apace41]

Lee,

 

First, I feel for you and your suffering.  It's not fair and there is nothing wrong with needing to shout that to the rafters from time to time.  You are not someone who whines and complains about what is clearly a very difficult hand you have been dealt.  I truly admire your courage and grace under these circumstances.

 

You may not have found them but there are many people who are 2-3 years off and not doing as well as one would hope or expect in this situation.  We don't really know why some people's CNS takes much longer than others to heal.  Sometimes it is related to length of time on the medicine, size of dose, etc., but sometimes it seems very random.  Everyone's brain and body chemistry is unique and some are hit harder than others in this process and for longer times.  I do believe, however, that in the absence of any other underlying, organic illness, the effects of withdrawal are not permanent and will reverse themselves at some point.  You will heal, Lee.  You have to believe that and keep your hope alive because the mind is important to the healing process.

 

While we at SA (and others who deal with withdrawal recovery generally) like to refer to windows and waves, it is important to know that not everyone heals in that pattern.  I have read numerous success stories from people like you who were in one big wave for a very long time only to begin a healing process that felt more like one slow window that opened wider and wider once it started opening.  This is one of the most unpredictable processes known to science and man so you should not expect that it will happen in any particular way. 

 

When you get down, Lee, read success stories and remind yourself of how many other people have been through this process and are leading happy, productive lives at this point.

 

You will heal, Lee.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[AliG]

Dear Lee.  I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard that has been , for you. My heart goes out to you, as a mother and as a friend.

As far as withdrawal goes, there are quite a few who are experiencing protracted withdrawal symptoms.

Petunia , has been doing this a long time. I myself, am about 21 months. ( I've lost count). LOL. There are others. We have all experienced these same symptoms. I say this , not to minimize your pain , but to give you a sense of " not being alone" , and also hope. There are many success stories , here, as well .

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/28-success-stories-recovery-from-withdrawal/

Please read them , Lee.

Hugs,

Alison.