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Love during withdrawal


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#1 bluebalu86

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Posted 20 June 2015 - 01:56 PM

What if you met the love of your life during early withdrawal (and have a long and painful journey ahead of you) but can't be together because you're too sick to function normally and have a relationship, + you don't want  to bring pain and suffering into this person's life? 


I suffer from depression, anxiety, pure-o ocd, and panic attacks since 2004. Been on multiple different psychiatric drugs since 2006. Never had a significant WD problem before, only brain zaps for a month and then I'd be fine...............Been on Cipralex (escitalopram) 15 mg and Fluanxol (flupentixol) 1 mg since Sep 2014. Stopped taking the Cipralex after a fast 20-day taper.Took the last 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 5th, 2015. Then took Seroxat (paroxetine) 10 mg for a week, and stopped it too. Severe WD started suddenly on Feb 16th. RI 5 mg Cipralex on Feb 18th, 2015. RI worked and was relatively stable for a while................April 7 - decreased Fluanxol from 1 mg to 0.5 mg and took it at this dose for a week. - BIG MISTAKE; April 13 - WD starts creeping in; April 14 - RI full dose of Fluanxol 1 mg => severe muscle twitching and jerking when trying to relax and fall asleep, overwhelming sense of doom, dread, terror, and horror, insomnia, hoping to stabilize.
Tried doing a 10% cut off Fluanxol in the end of May for a few days, but quickly updosed to full dose because the twitching returned.
Experiencing waves and windows in the following months.
Unsuccessful brief taper attempt of Fluanxol by 5% on November 1st. Symptoms hit the next day. Too scared to continue tapering, reinstate full dose.
Severe crash in November after stupidly trying a barbiturate on November 9th. Grave mistake. Sense of unshakable inescapable internal torture, like my soul is in hell being tortured, terror/horror/dread/doom (probably akathisia?) that gets especially bad when trying to relax and fall asleep, muscles twitch, jerk and move on their own, shaking, insomnia, can't eat, confusion, disorientation, brain not working normally. Never felt so bad in my entire life. Never experiment with other meds while in WD! Praying to God I stabilize and get back to my baseline.
December - things getting even worse.

January - unbearable suffering


#2 Multidrug

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Posted 22 June 2015 - 05:41 AM

Hello bluebalu,

 

oh god, that is exactly what is happening to me right now! I met the love of my life four months ago. I was in bad withdrawal but had a window and was feeling a bit better. We spent a wonderful full month together and in my head I thought, "ok,  maybe it will take a little more time but together you will make it and then you can enjoy everything and celebrate your love together. WRONG!!!!! The last time we wanted to meet (we live in different cities) I was back into a very bad wave (actually the window I was talking about before was the only window in over 6 weeks) and I thought I get a nervous breakdown in any second!!!! She took the train that took her 7 hours and came to visit me and she told me she how happy she was to see me and I knew I was so happy too and I want to look at her and be around her all the time because she is just wonderful. BUT I CANT!!!!! I was dying these 3 days because on one hand I did not want her to go and I wanted her to be with me all the time, on the other hand it was pure stress for me!!!!! 

Now we skype every night and she keeps saying she will wait for me....but I dont want that!!!! I do not want her to wait because I cannot tell her how long it will take. And I dont want her to tell me one day in the near future that this is too much for her and she cannot do it and then leave. 

I will tell her to live her life and that I will go away for as long as I am feeling so bad. And then....I will go and reach out for her again. 

Maybe others can handle this better.....and of course I would not leave her if we were together for 10 years or so. But now....that devil withdrawal monster is just to big for such a beautiful new love...I am so very sad...she is so wonderful!!

 

And how do you handle it??


2000-2010: Paroxetin 20-30mg

2010-2012: Effexor 150mg; ct Effexor in 11/12 and crossed over to Citalopram for 6 weeks (felt awful and ct after 6 weeks). Hell opened its doors. 

Polydrugged 2013-2014: Cymbalta, Amitryptilin, Opipramol, Doxepin, Lyrica, Elontril, Lithium (on and off, got worse and worse)

05/14-08/14: Seroquel 50mg

09/14-12/14 (including 6 weeks taper): Ativan 1mg: I feel like being in acute withdrawal still

 

drugs I am still on: Lamictal 90mg (started with 100mg for a year); started taper 2 months ago, water method, taper 5% every 4 weeks, want to change into 2,5mg every two weeks. 

Thinking about reinstating every single day because wd symptoms are too much!!!!!


#3 LoveandLight

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Posted 22 June 2015 - 06:41 AM

So difficult establishing any new kind of relationship during this and keep the existing ones!
2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.


Nightmare that could have been avoided!

#4 GardeniaBlossom

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Posted 22 June 2015 - 11:27 AM

I agree with LoveandLight. I thought I'd met someone I could enter a romantic relationship with, recently. I was wrong. The relationship went downhill very quickly. It was incredibly stressful. I've found that the normal stresses of being in a relationship are infinitely magnified during this process. In my opinion, that creates an unhealthy imbalance in the (new) relationship. There is a fantasy that love can conquer all, but for me beginning a relationship amidst this degree of turmoil would be unwise at best. I experience a depth of loneliness unlike during any other time in my life. As much as I'd love to have a partner, I don't need any more obstacles to healing than I already have.


After being on (over 25) psychiatric meds continuously during a 16 year period, I began in July 2014 to taper off 1mg Klonopin. In September 2014, I came off Brintellix, Trazadone, Zoloft, Proprityline & Hydroxyzine in 2 weeks on my own without knowledge on how to taper properly. I've been off all psych "meds" since 10/2014 and am currently experiencing protracted withdrawal.

 

Medication history: Vibryd, Wellbutrin, Lithium, Prozac, Xanax, Celexa, Cymbalta, Trileptal, Lamictal, Abilify, Zoloft, Trazadone, Citalopram, Effexor, Seroquel, Klonopin, Paxil, Brintellix, Protriptyline, Lexapro, Pristiq, Buspar, Clonidine, Lorazepam, Notriptyline, Hydroxyzine, Serzone.

 

Introduction: http://bit.ly/1SIxWwl.


#5 Aeroman

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Posted 22 June 2015 - 12:07 PM

when I was in the depths of wd, I suffered from depression and couldnt feel "love".  It was tough


Lexparo 10mg user for 2.5 years.  Last dose was 2/27/2008 after a fast 1 month taper.  Recovered around 2011.  Had issues with depression, anxiety, akathasia, inner restlessness, vertigo, insomnia, loss of appetite, eye floaters just to name a few.  Basically rode it out, employing the Dr. Claire Weekes method.

 

Took Cipro in July of 2014 and have been having set backs with nausea, vertigo, anxiety (racing thoughts), and depression the last half of 2014.


#6 InvisibleUnless

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Posted 02 July 2015 - 08:47 PM

how do you feel confident that intense interests in other people will carry through after withdrawal?  sick people sometimes want different traits in a partner than less sick or perfectly well people...  i am concerned about investing in something significantly and then healing into someone that is less fitting within that relationship.

 

before withdrawal, i would sometimes date people in really bad physical/psychological places that i knew would take some rehabilitation and a lifetime of (self-)work, but i was ok with it because i thought they/the relationship warranted that kind of sacrifice and adjustment.  but that is pretty rare in a person, im seeing, especially as we all grow older and to many single people youre either someones final destination, all dream-traits intact, or youre nothing to them.  (not the most mature view, but most relationships arent mature relationships, even though theres plenty of ones that are.)

 

i dont know if i could find someone genuinely interested in me, given how sick i am and might be for a while.  and, as others have voiced, i share that fear of finding someone there is mutual interest with and then being unable to be as present and supportive as i usually am in a romantic relationship.  it sucks to feel like the incapable one, though i guess feeling like the capable one never worked out either.


from 2005-2012, i spent 7 years taking 17 different psychotropic medications covering several classes.  i would be taking 3-7 medications at a time, and 6 out of the 17 medications listed below were maxed or overmaxed in clinical dosage before i moved on to trying the next unhelpful cocktail.
 
antidepressants (SSRIs, SNRIs, NDRIs, tetracyclics): zoloft, wellbutrin, effexor, lexapro, prozac, cymbalta, remeron
antipsychotics (atypical): abilify, zyprexa, risperdal, geodon
sleep aids (benzos, off-label antidepressants & antipsychotics, hypnotics): seroquel, temazepam, trazodone, ambien
anxiolytics: buspar
anticonvulsants: topamax
 
i tapered off all psychotropics from late 2011 through early 2013, one by one.  for all 5 years since quitting, ive been cycling through severe, disabling withdrawal symptoms spanning the gamut of the serious, less serious, and rather worrisome side effects of these assorted medications.  previous cross-tapering and medication or dosage changes had also caused undiagnosed withdrawal symptoms.
 
brainpan addlepation


#7 rapunzel2

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Posted 07 July 2015 - 10:25 PM

I'm facing the same dilemma.. actually there's someone who is interested in me but he doesn't know how sick I am. as my condition is fluctating, I'm better off some days/periods of time, and I seem "normal". now suddenly he is so interested and I have to tell him how sick I am. it's really complicated, how to do that?

 

and even more complicated is going into withdrawal and at the same time trying to explain why I can't do things etc. I think that people might THINK they understand, but when it actually happens they don't understand exactly. because I appear "normal". 


in 2002- cipramil for half a year, ended it uneventfully. in 2006 - citalopram for half a year, ended in horrific state, ditched the drugs CT. 2006-2008 not feeling well but drug free. in 2008 prozac 20mg + quetiapine 25mg. 2009 tried to stop, ended up in hole after couple of months, started zoloft. 2009-2011 zoloft 50mg. went to 25mg in 2011 summer, it resulted in half a year horrible suffering. reinstated, changed drugs, nothing happened. by 2012 beginning suddenly felt great and CT meds. after 4 months came suddenly most horrible human suffering that's possible. started tapering slowly, GFCF diet and Hardy Nutritionals vitamins in 2013 summer. 

current medications: 1) fluoxetine and quetiapine since Aug 2012; 2) Daily Essential Nutrients by Hardy Nutritionals 10 capsules / since May 2013 + omega3; 3) Gluten-free-casein-free diet since june 2013; 4) free form amino acid complex 3 capsules 5) milk thistle 6) niacin 1500mg

25. april'13 fluoxetine 40mg -> 36mg (10%); 25. may'13 fluoxetine 36mg -> 32mg (1 month inbetween, 11%); 4. july'13 fluoxetine 32mg-> 28mg (5,5 weeks, 13%); 27. july'13 quetiapine 50 -> 45mg (10%); 15. aug'13 fluoxetine 28mg -> 24mg (6 weeks, 14%); 29. sept'13 quetiapine 45 -> 40mg (1,5 months, 11%); 14. oct'13 quetiapine 40mg -> 35mg (2 weeks, 13%); 16. oct'13 quetiapine 35mg -> 40mg; 17. oct'13 fluoxetine 24mg -> 22 mg (8%); 4. feb’14 fluoxetine 22mg -> 21mg (3,5 months hold inbetween, 5% cut); 21. feb'14 fluoxetine 21mg -> 20,5mg (2,5 weeks, 2,4% cut); 27 feb'14 fluoxetine 20,5mg -> 20mg (1 week, 2,4% cut); 30 mar'14 fluoxetine 20mg -> 19,5mg (4,5 weeks, 2,4% cut); 17 may'14 quetiapine 40mg -> 31mg (22% cut); 31 may'14 fluoxetine 19,5mg -> 17,56mg (9,9%); 13 july'14 quetiapine 31mg -> 25mg (19% cut); 19 july'14 quetiapine 25mg -> 18, 75mg (25% cut, 6 days); 28. july'14 quetiapine 18,75mg -> 22mg (-15%); 9. aug'14 fluoxetine 17,52mg -> 17,12mg (2,3% cut, 10 weeks, over 2 months); 19. aug'14 back to 17,52mg due to bad withdrawal symptoms; 20. oct'14 fluoxetine 17,52 -> 17,2mg (1,8% cut); 28. nov'14 fluoxetine 17,2 -> 15,6 (9,8%); 9. feb’15 fluoxetine 15,6 -> 14,4 (7,7%); 3. may’15 quetiapine 22mg -> 19mg (-14%); 27. may’15 fluoxetine 14,4mg -> 12,6mg (-12,5%, 1,8mg); 2. july’15 fluoxetine 12,6mg -> 10,6mg (15,9%, 2mg); 26. oct'15 fluoxetine 10,6mg - 9mg (15%, 1,6mg); 18. jan'16 quetiapine 18mg -> 15mg (17%); 16. mar'16 fluoxetine 9mg -> 7,4mg (18%); 22.may'16 fluoxetine 7,4mg -> 6mg (19%); 19.sept'16 quetiapine 12,5 -> 11,25 (10%); 26. sept'16 quetiapine 11,25 -> 10,25 (9%), 3 oct'16 quetiapine 10,25 -> 9,25 (10%); 10 oc'16 quetiapine 9,25-> 8,25mg (11%), 14 nov'16 quetiapine 8,25 -> 7,25 (12%); 9 Jan'17 fluoxetine 6mg -> 5,8mg (3%): 18 jan fluoxetine 5,8mg -> 5,6mg (3%); 6 feb fluoxetine 5,6mg -> 5,4mg (4%); 19 feb fluoxetine 5,4mg -> 5,2mg (4%)

 


#8 sadandconfused

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Posted 13 November 2016 - 06:35 AM


Hello everyone, hope everyone is doing okay. Sorry for the length, but literally if anyone can help me I'd be so grateful. I've never been a depressed person although I've always struggled with severe anxiety. Last August I was into my senior year of nursing school and was incredibly stressed out so I was put on 10 mg of Lexapro by my doctor. About a month on the pills I met an amazing guy. Oh my goodness, I had never felt that way about anybody. I knew after a few months that he was the one and we could not have had a stronger love. Things continued to be great and about 10 months on the pills I decided I no longer needed them and I quit cold turkey. I did not have any major WD at first but a couple weeks passed by and I noticed my anxiety was insane. I could barely go to the grocery store without sweating and shaking, and I hated work meetings cause we had to talk in front of people, but it all would go away as soon as I was alone again so I didn't think much of it. But then about a month later something had changed. I woke up one morning and the man I had loved more than anything was almost a stranger to me. I felt nothing. It was like the love I had for him was all gone. I cried and vomited nonstop for the next two days just from pure panic. To say it was awful would be an understatement. It's been almost exactly 4 months since that day and I just don't understand. How can I be so close and so attached to someone and then just nothing. Completely dead when it comes to love and romance. I just want to sleep all the time and not talk to anyone. It's just crazy cause literally two weeks before I had lost feelings, I was watching proposal videos and just crying cause I could not wait for that moment. I want my happiness back with him so bad, I would do anything. Please let me know if you've felt this way because of these pills or withdrawl and if the loving feeling will return. I don't know how much longer I can take it. Thank you in advance!
End of August 2015 was put on 10mg Lexapro for anxiety.
Quit cold turkey in June 2016.

#9 Lindux

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Posted 15 November 2016 - 05:17 AM

What I have read is that people become extremely emotionless. I think it is best to not take emotions in full when on withdrawal. Just live very peaceful until the storm passes :)



#10 sadandconfused

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Posted 18 November 2016 - 09:00 AM

Thank you so much for your reply! I pray it gets better and I really think it will. It's just so hard cause I feel like I'm living such a lie these past few months. But I know it's the pills making me not feel anything.
End of August 2015 was put on 10mg Lexapro for anxiety.
Quit cold turkey in June 2016.

#11 sadandconfused

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Posted 29 November 2016 - 09:21 AM

Can anyone tell me honestly if they got their feelings back and how long it took? I fell madly in love with my boyfriend while on lexapro. I loved him more than I ever thought I could love something. And then I quit lexapro 10 mg cold turkey and a month later I felt nothing. It's been almost 5 months and I can't help but get discouraged. I reinstated 5 mg lexapro so I'm praying that will help but I just don't know. He's tired of waiting, but I think I still have a ways to go. I cannot feel anything :( has anyone fallen in love on pills and felt like you fell out of love during withdrawal? I can't take it anymore :(
End of August 2015 was put on 10mg Lexapro for anxiety.
Quit cold turkey in June 2016.

#12 Faithgrl

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Posted 30 November 2016 - 11:28 PM

I hear you. I started cipramil 11 years ago and met my boyfriend 10 years ago. This is my third go at coming off. For the first time I don't feel like reciprocating and I feel nothing. For him, for food, for shopping even. But its been 10 years. And love is a choice. So for me, I am going to act as if and continu to build the relatioship because I want to and I believe the feelings will return. He has been so good to me in the last year with my up and downs and he said he aint going.

Prescribed Lexapro in 2003 and switched to Cipramil (5-10mg per day) 2004 with Lamictal.

Stopped Lamictal cold turkey with no withdrawals in 2014 with support of a Paleo diet. 

2003-2015 Cipramil only: 5mg 21 Dec 15: 2.5mg 28 Dec 15: 2.25mg 4 Jan 16: 1.575mg 10 Jan 16: 1.1025 11 Jan 16: 0.7875 25 Jan 16: 0.9, 1 Feb: 0.8, 8 Feb 0.75, 15 Feb 0.5, 29 Feb 0.25, 21 March 0.17, 4 April: 0.10, 25 April 0.05, 8 May 2016 0.05, 15 May 2016 NIL 21 June 2016 0.1, 5 Sep 16: 0.2 7 Sep 16: 0.15 16 Sep 16: 0.075 3 Oct 16: 0.015 17 October: 0.015, 14 Nov 2016: Reinstate 0.005, 26 Dec 16 0.0045

Supplements/Lifestyle: Paleo/AIP protocol, daily exercise, probiotic, B6, Zinc, biotin, Chromium, Vit C, Pharma Mag Forte, Molybdenum, cod liver oil, low histamine and salicylate diet. Therapy once a month, and member of OA and ACA.

 

 


#13 sadandconfused

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Posted 05 December 2016 - 02:13 PM

Thank you for replying! I'm so sorry you are having to go through this too. It's been awful. But yes like you said love is a choice and I KNOW how I felt for him for all those months and I just cannot imagined that would've ever changed. I'm just gonna pray and believe that feelings will come back the way they were. This has been a nightmare and I'm hoping before too long we will be back to our old selves.
End of August 2015 was put on 10mg Lexapro for anxiety.
Quit cold turkey in June 2016.

#14 sadandconfused

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Posted 11 December 2016 - 02:27 PM

Hello everyone, I don't mean to bombard everyone with questions but I would love to get feedback on anyone who has experienced this. If I had any earthly idea that antidepressants would affect love, I would have never started them. I was into my last year of nursing school and was very stressed out so I went to my doctor and he prescribed me 10 mg of Lexapro. I started taking the pills at the end of August 2015. In September I met the love of my life. Omg I loved him so so much. I couldn't believe I had met someone like him and I just felt so incredibly blessed to finally find my soulmate. Just thinking about him would make me tear up. I loved him so so much. We had an incredible, amazing 9 months together and I was done with school so I decided to get off the lexapro. I quit cold turkey around May 2016 cause I thought I could handle it and wasn't really concerned about withdrawl. Stupid I know. The next 6 weeks or so went great. I had maybe had a couple headaches and been extra tired but nothing that I couldn't handle. My anxiety had increased but I still felt good, very happy. And then out of nowhere, my world fell apart. I woke up one morning to realize my world turned upside down. I looked at the man I had been so crazy about and I felt nothing. He kissed and hugged me before he went to work and I had no feelings whatsoever for him. Just like that. I immediately felt dizzy and ran to the bathroom and threw up. I couldn't believe what I was feeling. The man I was certain I couldn't wait to marry and love more than anything. I felt nothing for him. I cried and cried. It has been 5 months since that day and the feelings still have not returned. I am terrified. I cry so often. I hate everything. I cannot believe what I'm feeling. I was so so happy and now this. I got even more terrified when I had read something about people sometimes fall in love with people they normally wouldn't if they weren't on pills. This makes me literally sick. I loved him so much on the pills, I just cannot even began to believe that the 9 months with him were a lie or all caused by some pills. I wish I would have never started lexapro or stopped them cold turkey. I pray with all my heart and soul that this is only from withdrawl and that my love for him will return as this gets better. I don't know what to do. It's getting so hard to fake it but we have so many amazing memories together. Please please please if anyone has experienced this please let me know. Even if it didn't get better, I would like to know what I should maybe expect or if I should plan on getting them back. I really need some help. I'm afraid if I keep going on feeling this miserable, I'll end up in a mental hospital somewhere. I apologize for the length, but I didn't know how to shorten my story. Please let me know if anyone fell in love while on pills and if you felt like you fell out of love during withdrawl. Thank you so much in advance.


Edited by scallywag, 11 December 2016 - 07:57 PM.
merged topics

End of August 2015 was put on 10mg Lexapro for anxiety.
Quit cold turkey in June 2016.

#15 Stormstrong

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Posted 12 December 2016 - 10:27 AM

Thank universe for this thread. 

My almost 2 year relationship is ending, I feel. The romantic part of it. He's got many of his own issues and it's too much for him. He's too concerned that I've become like a vegetable, though he didn't directly state that. 

:(


2000: Paxil, low dose. ​2001?: stopped Paxil cold-turkey. ​2006?: Zoloft, 25mg? 2007?: Wellbutrin, low dose. Discontinued after a week or a month. 2007-2009: Zoloft, increasing dose (up to 75mg?). 2009-2011: Zoloft, numerous withdrawal attempts (cold-turkey; fast tapering). ​2009-2011: Trying out Cymbalta, Celexa, Prozac, Lexapro, Ambien, Ativan, and Xanax for different periods of time. ​2012-2015: Zoloft, 100mg to 200mg. ​2013-current: Trazadone for Zoloft-induced insomnia, 25mg to 50mg.  ​2015: Trileptal, don't remember dose, but I withdrew. Started on Bupropion, up to 200mg. ​2016: Zoloft, 137mg, Bupropion, 150mg, Trazodone, 25mg.

​05/21/16: Began Zoloft taper - 10% from 150mg - 137ish mg

06/23/16: Zoloft taper - 125mg

07/08/16: Zoloft taper - 5% up to 131ish mg

07/22/16: Zoloft taper - back to 125mg

08/03/16: Bupropion XL taper - cut 150mg pill in crude half (mistake)

10/31: Zoloft successfully down to 100mg. Staying on 100mg for 2-3 months to let my brain rest. Symptoms: Good appetite, good mood, some energy.

11/09: Wellbutrin SR prescribed, 150mg once a day, for withdrawal. Current symptoms: Agoraphobia, completely nonfunctional, feeling of doom.

12/11: Wellbutrin SR, twice daily - minus 18ishmg = 112.50mg

 


#16 AnaTheCat

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Posted 12 December 2016 - 12:40 PM

During six years on paroxetine, I had no feelings toward any man. None, zero. When withdrawal syndrome came punching me right in the face, I actually fell in love. Then, I had to went back on my meds (paroxetine) and feelings begun to fade away. I felt like literally fighting to keep them. I'm dropping again, feelings were coming and going. Now, as I'm struggling with depression, I feel like all is left to do is put to put some flowers on my feeling's grave. Well, crap... at least I'm able to grieve them. It was good to have them.


I don't want much with life. I want it leave me alone.

 

Medical history:

2005 - 2006 – diagnosis: OCD. Meds: sertraline (Setaloft), from 30 mg to 120 mg. Side effects: insomnia, anorexia (psychic inabillity to eat), obesity; some sleep medication (don't remember the name), side effects: halucination. 2007 – sertraline withdrawal by myself. Reducing the dose slowly (120 mg – 90 mg – 60 mg – 30 mg – 0 mg). Felt great for about a year. 2008 – diazepam, taking ocasionally if needed. 2010 – paroxetine (Seroxat, then: Parogen) for OCD. From 20 mg to 40 mg. Side effects: none. Piracetamum (Memotropil), side effects: general weakness. Withdrawal of piracetamum: after two years (none withdrawal syndrome). 2016 – attempt to withdraw paroxetine. Severe depression after month and a half. Insomnia, nervousness, loss of weight. Suicide thoughts. Returning to paroxetine in march. From 10 mg to 20 mg. Side effects: sudden suicide thoughts, serotonine syndrome, panic attacks. Other meds: Clonazepam 0,5 mg for three days (benzodiazepam), side effects: none; Alprazolamum (Xanax): from 0,25 mg to 0,5 mg; side effects: obstruction, acne, period stoppage. Withdraw after a month, side effects: one-day lasting histeria; Trazodonum (Trittico CR): from 75 mg to 25 mg. Side effects: somnolance. 2016, June – dropping the dose of paroxetine from 40 mg to 30 mg. Side effects: mood swings. Withdrawing Trazodonum from 25 mg to 0 mg. Side effects: wide mood swings and fretfulness for about a week; too rapid, don't recommend. Went back to 25 mg of trazodone and 40 mg of paroxetine. 2016, July - dropped trazodone by 10 %, went back to 25 mg after two weeks (cause: depresion). 2016, October - 10% paroxetine drop, leaving trazodone at 25 mg. 2016, November - second 10% paroxetine drop.

Suplements: vitamins – C (600 mg), D3 (4500 IU), K2 (6400 IU), B15 (50 mg); hawaiian spirulina; fish collagen; fish oil (1 spoon); probiotic; magnesium (50 mg), selenium (200 mcg); flaxseed (1-2 spoons/day); minced milk thistle (1 spoon/day).

Diet: mostly vegan, gluten-free due to doctor's advice. Drinks: water, green tea, cistus incantus.

Books I recommendYour Body Many Cries for Water by Fereydoon Batmanghelidj; Hidden Therapies by Jerzy Zięba; Deadly Medicine and Organized Denial by Peter C. Gøtzsche; The Microbiom Solution by Robynne Chutkan; Urban Shaman and Mastering Your Hidden Self  by Serge Kahili King.


#17 sadandconfused

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Posted 13 December 2016 - 11:19 AM

I'm so sorry yall have felt this too. It's been so devastating. I'm still very confused as to how I fell in love on them and then felt like I fell out of love during withdrawl. It seems like I had the opposite effect of the majority of stories I've read :/ I pray that once my awful withdrawl is over, I will get my feelings back but some days I just don't know. I cannot understand how I can be so so in love with someone for 9 months and then just wake up one day and literally care less about them. It makes me sick :( I feel uneasy about the future but I cry when I think about a life without him so I'm really hoping that means deep down I do still love this amazing person. I hope all of us get better cause this is devastating.
End of August 2015 was put on 10mg Lexapro for anxiety.
Quit cold turkey in June 2016.

#18 rowinghippy

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 12:03 AM

Just another experience. Met my first love prior to meds. Between the depression and near suicide caused by the meds/withdrawal, we ended things. It was one of the worst things to see lost from the withdrawal, although everything in my life has gone to hell and pieces. I've resolved to not bother with relationships until this is all over. That's a hard pill to swallow, but there are so many hard things to accept so what's another.

 

My heart goes out to all of you. Losing love because of this sucks, which is an understatement.


4/24/16: 20 mg citalopram     |     8/1/16: 15 mg     |     8/22/16: 10 mg

9/16/16: reinstated to 12 mg     |     12/1/16: 11 mg     |     2/22/17: 10 mg

 

Constant: high prolactin/gynecomastiaedema, malaise, extreme fatigue, messed hunger cuesextreme hunger, sibo/leaky gut, food intolerances, weight gain/hypercortisolism, increased hair growth, stretch marks, suicidal, insomnia, body odor

On/off: acne, vomiting, headachesmuscle pain, increased sweating, depressionpssd, concentration problems, hot flashes, extreme thirst, pins and needles

Dormant: nausea, galactorrhea, heartburn, dpdr, blood sugar problems, anhedonia, neuro-emotions, wired feeling, muscle pain, dry heaving, cracking lips

 

Supplements: fish oil, multivitamin, digestive enzymes, probiotic, magnesium, glutamine, chinese herbs as needed


#19 sadandconfused

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Posted 12 January 2017 - 08:19 PM

I'm so sorry you lost your relationship due to this awful withdrawl. It really has been hell on earth. 6 months ago I had my dream life. Literally everything I ever wanted and now, I've left a good job, I isolate myself, I don't spend time with my family, and I cannot feel love. I just don't get it. This is so not me and I just wanna get back to myself and my relationship the way it was but I just don't know when that will be. I want my life back. I'm hoping the best for every single one of yall pray everyone will heal.
End of August 2015 was put on 10mg Lexapro for anxiety.
Quit cold turkey in June 2016.

#20 Barbarannamated

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Posted 15 January 2017 - 02:54 PM

My heart goes out to everyone here.

I wonder if this is a form of depersonalization / derealization. I say this because it happened to me long before I started any drugs.

It was my first love, extremely intense, the summer before my senior year of high school. He was a year olde. When he was preparing to leave for college several hours away, my feelings just shut off and I felt like I was in a bubble, alone. When people asked me about him, it sometimes took a few seconds for me to recognize his name! I told him what was going on and this sweet man did research at his University library and sent me a long handwritten excerpt explaining Depersonalization. It was SPOT ON.

As Depersonalization / dissociation are common in withdrawal, I suspect there may be a connection to my subconscious defense type experience before drugs.

It was terrible to lose that feeling. I tried to force it for many months which only made things worse. The feelings eventually returned.

I've experienced this with different drug changes over the years, though not as profoundly. The connection to friends, family, beloved pets is broken, but I know that I still love them.

Just throwing this in in case it helps to make any sense of it as a stress response.
Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

#21 sadandconfused

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Posted 30 January 2017 - 05:38 PM

Thank you very much for this! That does sound like some of what I was feeling so maybe depersonalization could be associated with withdrawl? I was so so head over heels for him. And then withdrawl hit and I honestly just don't even enjoy being around him :( ugh it's so awful. There are times where I'll be in my own little world at work or something and then I'm like wait I have a boyfriend.. And it's like i have to remind myself. I'm not giving up cause I was so so in love with him for so many months. It just doesn't seem to be easing up any but I know it can take a long time to feel the old feelings again. I'll do anything to be in love with him anything. I just want my feelings back so bad :( but I'm not giving up
End of August 2015 was put on 10mg Lexapro for anxiety.
Quit cold turkey in June 2016.

#22 Floral

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Posted 20 February 2017 - 01:09 AM

Hi everyone,

The stories I've read on here resonates so close to my heart. Unfortunately my relationship ended recently after 3 long hard years. It was a decision that my partner made as he was battling severe withdrawals. I tried my best to stay by his side but I know that for most of the time he felt inadequate to be in a relationship because of what he was struggling with. Though I tried to reassure him that I loved him and intended to stay by his side through it all, it was not enough. We had gone through so much together and at the end of it all, it just became too much for him. I am no longer in contact with him as he wants nothing to do with me anymore. All I can do is pray that he stays safe, stays strong and that he pulls through.
Sending you all lots of hugs xxx

#23 sadandconfused

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Posted 20 February 2017 - 07:48 AM

I'm really sorry to hear about this. I'm on the opposite side of this situation and I know I'm putting my boyfriend through hell without even meaning to. It's awful, I feel like such a cold hearted person. I just hope and it pray it gets better for all of us.
End of August 2015 was put on 10mg Lexapro for anxiety.
Quit cold turkey in June 2016.