☼ Servadei

[servadei]

Hey, manymoretodays! Thank you! And I haven't tried that bee product yet as my friend who makes it told me she had more eneegy, could'nt really sleep and was pretty happy when she tried it. I don't think it would work with my anxiety. But I will definitely try it in the future as royal jelly seems extremely healthy.

[servadei]

Hey guys! How is everyone?

Last month I went to visit my grandma and I went to the sea and my cousins wedding. I was with my relatives but since I don't see them very often I don't know them very well but everything went fine. I went swimming and shopping and it all went without real panic attacks. I get them from thw inside but I'm able to control and honestly it surprises me how people don't see anything ans i feel crazy from the inside! I guess thats how wd messes with our heads. And at the wedding I was able to be on the whole mass and party. Food was great and I even danced. Incredible!

Anyway, I also went to WYD in Krakow. Can somebody with wd be in a place with 2 million people? You bet! We had to literally push ourselves into trains and trams. I actually heard some people crying because it was THAT stressful, yet I didn't get a single panic attack. I noticed I'm more prone to them when sitting in a caffe or restaurant then doing something 'stressful'.

After getting back I went to the radio with my friend to talk about Krakow. Boy was I scared! But in the end it went well.

 

At the end of the month I'm going to Italy. We have to bake cookies and sell them to people at church so we can go. Wish me luck!

 

I'm obv recovering altough I have days where I feel it will never go away or it feels just as bad as it was a year ago. I want to fight to see my life without all of this. Besides, I have no other choice.

Praying for everyone. ❤

[scallywag]

Great update servadei. Congratulations on your successful travels!

[servadei]

Thank you, scallywag.

[Martina23]

That is great that you will go to Italy. I like that part how you will be selling cookes people in the church ...

[servadei]

Hehe, thanks Martina!

[Shep]

I'm off to college soon. I was wondering if you could give me some tips of how to survive a day since you're working so obviously you're that much strong. 

 

 

 

Hi, Servadei.

 

I copied the above from your post on my thread so we can discuss a strategy for you on your own thread, which will be here for your own documentation.

 

 

 

Anyway, I also went to WYD in Krakow. Can somebody with wd be in a place with 2 million people? You bet! We had to literally push ourselves into trains and trams. I actually heard some people crying because it was THAT stressful, yet I didn't get a single panic attack. I noticed I'm more prone to them when sitting in a caffe or restaurant then doing something 'stressful'.

 

 

 

I want to start with this gem of insight that you posted back in August. That fact that you're more prone to panic attacks while not being stressed is a good place to start investigating what "triggers" your panic attacks.

 

How are feeling when you are quietly sitting in class? Is it the "quiet" that causes you to panic? Do you find your own thoughts projecting more loudly when everything around you is quiet? 

 

Try to pinpoint your triggers when it comes to your panic attacks, and then target your non-drug coping skills accordingly.

 

Here is a great list of non-drug coping skills:

 

Non-drug Techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

I find mindfulness to be the one that works best for me because I targeted my worse symptom, which is dp/dr, and mindfulness worked the best. Since you're dealing with panic, mindfulness and yoga might be for you. However, if you do find that being too quiet makes your feel more like panicking, then it may not. So find what works for you and keep practicing until it's habit. 

 

Here are some other kinds of techniques that may help: 

 

"Change the channel" -- dealing with cognitive symptoms    

 

Change cognitive framing - Redirect - Another Way

 

Claire Weekes' Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System

 

 

Also, are you able to take any electives? Perhaps include a class in mindfulness, CBT, yoga or nutrition in your studies. Or a martial arts class.  Or Tai Chi. There are so many things to choose! That way you can include your non-drug coping skills in your schedule at school. 

 

You really are doing so well, Servadei. Keep doing what you're already doing and then add in more of these non-drug coping skills as needed. By the time you graduate college, hopefully you'll be all healed from withdrawal and you'll have mastered the non-drug coping skills. And panic and anxiety will simply not be a problem for you.

 

Remember, the same brain chemicals that channel and fuel anxiety also channel and fuel excitement, so try to re-frame your thoughts that way. After all, you're off your meds, you're healing beautifully, and you're getting an education. You've got so many great things to look forward to now. 

 

I hope this is helpful. Please keep us updated.

 

Sending healing vibes your way. 

[servadei]

Ah thank you for this Shep!! I would rather not do yoga or martial arts since I am Catholic but mindfulness and CBT sound good. But there is a priest on my college who happens to be a psychologist. He also wrote a piece called 'Creativity as a source of joy in life' so I may look into that. I just hope he'll have time for me since he travels a lot.

 

I also noticed with anxiety that my brain doesn't know the difference between fear amd excitement, yes. I will definitely try to reframe my thoughts.

 

I don't know how will I sit through all of the classes but I decided to bring an extra notebook in which I will start writing my thought out if I get panicky. I think that my help to distract me. Also, I have a park just across the street from my college so going for a run might distress me and therefore ease my anxiety.

 

I just hope people will not think I'm weird or boring. I always seem to talk about my problems. I also have a feeling I will do something embarassing like getting out of control or suddenly have a psychotic breakdown in front of everyone. I also hate dp/dr...People look weird and I have no connection to anyone.

 

I was wondering does your dp make you feel embarassed of yourself? I often feel as though I'm watching myself and I feel stupid. I'm always like 'Oh, this is me in my body'. Now these thoughts don't brother me like they used to but a normal human being shouldn't have them.

 

Once again, thank you so much Shep, for taking time and write all these tips for me!!

[Martina23]

Hallo Servadei,

 

I have also these thoughts to lose control in front of other people, I think it is because of OCD, or in too little rooms, like on public toilet, it is crazy.But till now I am not psychotic. You have just to come in the classroom and after few times you dont get so much fear. I think we have too little serotonin therefore we get such problems. Just dont worry, you will manage it. DP/DR will go away.

[servadei]

Yeah, I know it's not going to happen but I'm still afraid.

Thank you for encouraging words, Martina.

[Shep]

I was wondering does your dp make you feel embarassed of yourself? I often feel as though I'm watching myself and I feel stupid. I'm always like 'Oh, this is me in my body'. Now these thoughts don't brother me like they used to but a normal human being shouldn't have them.

 

 

 

 

Hi, Servadei.

 

My dp/dr is still so severe, I'm usually just trying to navigate the bending building and moving sidewalks. 

 

It sounds like you're already handling those thoughts well, as they aren't bothering you as much. Do you think your thoughts are also coming from neuro emotions? 

 

I went through a long phase where I had the thoughts you're talking about. I felt more than incompetent. But it's really just withdrawal playing tricks on your mind.  This thread helped me understand more about it:

 

Neuro Emotions

 

Your post about having a notebook to journal your thoughts and having a nearby park to escape to sounds like you are coming up with some great ways of getting through withdrawal while at college.

 

Please keep writing updates. I think you're going to do great at college. 

[servadei]

Thank you Shep!! I hope so too.

Oh, I know Neuro-Emotions all too well. My mom died in 2009, and wd made me feel like it was happening all over again. I also noticed I react way to intensely and when I wait I see that situation wasn't that serious. I guess neuro-emotions are improving but slowly.

 

I will write an update after first week of college.

[Shep]

Oh Servadei, I'm sorry about your mom. Withdrawal makes us push the re-wind button and we have to re-live a lot of so many sad memories. 

 

You really are doing an awesome job of non-drug coping skills. Yes, please do write an update after your first week of college.

 

And if you need us, write one sooner. 

[Martina23]

Servadei, I hope you feel already better. I am sure you will excel in the school, you are very wise and have talent for talking to people, especially when they are suffering. What you will be after your studies - a priest? And for which religion? It is for me so interesting, the work of priests. I think most of the priests are the men, but I am sure also a woman can be a good priest.

 

I hope your depression is already better and that you dont have to suffer with such intrusive thoughts like me. By me they are now worse, maybe because of sore throat. I dont know, but I am from this all already quite tired.

[servadei]

Thank you Shep, yes wd definitely made me relive a lot of memories, but I guess I would rather face them off than mask them with some kind of pills. So maybe that is good for the long run. To be able to grieve like a human being should and then, at some point, just move on. I do hope I have enough non drug coping skills. But we will see, soon enough. Wish me luck!

 

Martina, in Catholic Church women cannot be priests. I will be a catehist.

Oh Martina, I hope you're taking care of yourself. Intrusive thoughs are bad but that's about it. They are not real, they're just bad. Find comfort in taking care od yourself, drink tea and take vitamin C and if you're tired just lay down for a bit and close your eyes. You don't have to sleep, you can imagine your life when this is all over and how much stronger you're going to be.

I have a sore throat too, I guess it's the season because everyone around me is a bit sick. It will go aways soon. Tak care.

[Shep]

Thank you Shep, yes wd definitely made me relive a lot of memories, but I guess I would rather face them off than mask them with some kind of pills. So maybe that is good for the long run. To be able to grieve like a human being should and then, at some point, just move on. I do hope I have enough non drug coping skills. But we will see, soon enough. Wish me luck!

 

 

 

 

I'm sure you're going to be just fine.

 

This is a great list of non-drug coping resources from the Beyond Meds site. It's a Toolbox of non-drug coping goodies. Perfect for college. 

 

https://beyondmeds.com/2011/12/12/toolbox/

[servadei]

Hey guys. The first week at uni was, well, I'm afraid to say I liked it in case anything happens haha. The classes were interesting and I didn't get panicky at all. Just weird and intrusive thoughts but it didn't come to panic attack. Except today, I got a little panicky because there was a small earthquake during philosophy class. This is my second earthquake during wd actually haha I was in Italy during the end of August when it happened there too. I didn't get panick attack but I ended up writing with shaky hand the rest of my clasd, which I think is actually pretty normal reaction. I nade friends and I get along really well with this girl I met. I told her I have mental health issues and she told me to come by her room if I need to talk which was really sweet.

So yeah, for now, professors are good, classes interesting and people are really nice. I hope it won't ever get bad like last year, when I could't even keep my eyes open at nightmare that my life has become. So today, I got home for weekend and when to the store. I didn't sleep really good for 2 days, and I was really hungry. I have tingling in my head and spine (spine started tingling about 2 months ago) but I'm no longer afraid of them. However I felt faint and thats when I got scared. I wanted to get out of the store but I realized this could be panic attack so I started breathing deeply and continued shopping.

Also, I started going to evening masses again, where I stand with my choir and the church is usually full. I was going in the morning when there are less people and I could sit.

I thank the Lord for this, and the opportunity to go to uni, and the people I met.

Yed, I'm not healed, I still have problems (a lot of them) but I'm much stronger.

 

I hope this post helps someone. There is hope. But the hope is outside of your bed. You have to get up and look for it instead letting your thoughts eat you.

 

Wishing you all the best!

[servadei]

"If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward."

[brassmonkey]

I'm so glad the first week went so well. It's usually the toughest. Being at university is an extremely exciting time of life with a new and challenging experiences every day.  Do make sure that you eat properly and regularly it makes a huge difference in how you can handle things.

 

((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

[servadei]

Thank you brassmonkey. Yes, I bought more food now, since I usually eat smaller portions but often. At uni I didn't usually have breakfast, huge lunch and small dinner or non at all. I will eat morr often now.

[manymoretodays]

Thanks servadei.........what a great update!!! 

[servadei]

Why, thank you, manymoretodays!!

[Shep]

Thank you brassmonkey. Yes, I bought more food now, since I usually eat smaller portions but often. At uni I didn't usually have breakfast, huge lunch and small dinner or non at all. I will eat morr often now.

 

Hi, servadei.

 

I'm so happy to hear you're doing well at the university. You are very resilient and I wish you the best. 

 

I do worry about you not eating breakfast, though. As Brassmonkey said, it does make a huge difference.

 

Many of us find we have blood sugar fluctuations due to withdrawal and well into recovery. So if you can manage to get a few bites down, having some protein in the morning may really make a difference. Low blood sugar symptoms mimic withdrawal (anxiety, headaches, fatigue, etc). So it can be difficult to separate which is which if you're not eating throughout the day. 

 

I'm glad you bought more food and are going to try to eat more often. That's a great plan. Eating small meals throughout the day is really healthy, especially when you're dealing with withdrawal. This is the best way to maintain a steady blood sugar supply and will help keep you alert and focused.

 

You know we are like over-protective mothers around here, so please, don't forget your breakfast! 

[servadei]

Hehe, thanks Shep. I won't be forgetting breakfast anymore!

[servadei]

I have real problems with dizziness this week. And I know why is that because every time it happens im scared it an earthquake

Even though i know kr won't happen it still scares me, and the dizziness is uncomfortable.

Anyone knows how to get rid of this? Any tip is welcomed.

[Shep]

Hi, servadei.

 

I'm sorry you're dealing with dizziness. That is a very common withdrawal symptom. You may find some helpful information in this thread on dizziness and vertigo:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7997-dizziness-vertigo-lightheaded-etc/

 

I just re-read a few of your earlier posts, so I must ask - are you eating throughout the day now? Low blood sugar can also cause dizziness, so I just have to ask. 

 

I hope you get some relief from this symptom soon. 

 

Sending healing vibes your way. I hope all is well at your university and your studies are going well. 

[servadei]

I know it's common, I used to have it really bad before.

However, I believe it's not a symptom of WD anymore rather than a reaction of an anxious mind to earthquakes I experienced. When I feel dizzy I'm scared its another earthquake.

So i would call this post earthquake dizziness? Hehe

I'm interested in how to stop being afraid of that and if my theory is right the dizziness should also stop.

 

I eating pretty well now, I.also went running today.

Thank you so much Shep!!

[Shep]

Are there a lot of earthquakes in your part of the world now, servadei? Sorry, I'm not sure if you're having catastrophic thoughts or if you're still experiencing earthquakes or aftershocks.

 

I survived one earthquake back in 2011. It only caused minimal damage, but it was scary, nonetheless. And the days and days of aftershocks can wear you down with worry. 

 

Are there a lot of aftershocks that are triggering your anxiety? 

 

Perhaps guided meditations and the "Change the channel" -- dealing with cognitive symptoms techniques might help. If the dizziness is being triggered by your thoughts, best to get your thoughts attached to some activity to distract yourself. 

 

I hope you're safe now and far away from earthquakes and aftershocks. And that the dizziness isn't interfering with your university life. 

 

[servadei]

They weren't even scary and they lasted a few second, but I believe my anxious mind ataches to everything. There aren't a lot of earthquakes here. My first one was in Italy and I was scared a bit but when o came back to my country I eventually forgot about it. It happened again at uni while in class and lasted only 5 seconds, but enough to leave me thinking

 

Thank you Shep, I will try that. It is not interfering but it is rather annoying,.and I hope it will not become more interfering.

[Altostrata]

Very happy to hear you're doing better. I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol

☼

to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

[Shep]

Congratulations on getting your sun symbol, servadei! I'm so happy you're in school, doing well, and conquering your fears.

 

I know you're still struggling with some symptoms, but you really have handled this very well, and I enjoy ready your updates. 

 

Sending healing vibes your way. I hope you're doing well this weekend. 

[servadei]

Ah thank you so much, Alto and Shep!!

And Shep, you are very brave yourself, I

love how you find meaning on everything. My Weekend went well, hope yours did too.

 

Happy for the sun!

[servadei]

Hey guys, didn't post an update for a while but I want people to see that I am recovering. Slowly, but I am. I managed to pass all of my exams, and I can't wait for summer when the days will last longer. ^^ 

I hope everyone is doing okay, and I know this experience is very, deeply, hurtful and that you couldn't imagine a human could suffer that much, but it will be okay, you will be okay. I have managed to grow in a ways I did not know I could. I hope someday, this will all be gone, and only a little, ugly memory will be left.

[Madeleine]

Good to hear your positive news. Thanks for posting.

[Hopefull]

Congratulations Servadai!

Best wishes to you, Hopefull!

[servadei]

Thank you guys. Keep hoping