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Hi, I am 55 and have had several episodes of major depression. Two of them were treated with Effexor XL. The first time (16 years ago), I came off without problems. I didn't even realize that there could be problems. About 2 years ago I went back on due to a very stressful time that I couldn't solve with my usual coping skills. I tried to wean off last summer and had significant neurological symptoms. I thought I was either going crazy or had a brain tumor. It took me almost a week to think that it might be withdrawal symptoms. (Thanks internet.) I went back on and the symptoms went away quickly. When I told my doctor, he said 'Why do you want to wean off? Why not just relax and be happy?' Sigh. I have been afraid to try again until I found this forum. I am also nervous to try at this time of year because my symptoms are always worse in the fall/winter which is approaching, but I realize this is going to have to be a very long, slow process. I have some hope now that I can do this.

Hello All, Not sure if I am posting in the right section, so apologies in advance. I am feeling quite lonely within no one to turn to on the same wave length.. I've been trying to get hold of a shrink I started seeing a few months ago. Left 3 messages asking him to confirm our regular sessions after a holiday break but he has not responded. I know that he is around, as I dialled his number by mistake yesterday and he did answer it. Unfortunately, I couldn't talk as I was not calling him. Anyway... The very sad is that the fact of him not calling me back, makes me feel,.for some ridiculous reasons, inferior and a bad person! My worth depends on whether he calls me or not! I KNOW it's ridiculous and probably due to my general feeling down and out of sorts but this awareness doesn't makes much of the difference... I also feel like a "bad " person, this feeling I'd experienced even before taking the meds so it's not a withdrawal..Probably, this badness has some routs in my childhood, whatever, now it feels real as ever... Sorry for putting it out there, I don't know who to turn too. After all, my psychotherapist is ignoring me (probably I've done something wrong, "bad girl "). Anyway, thank you for reading it and any thoughts, words of the encouragement would be appreciated... F47 PS Really, getting disappointed with the psychoanalysts here in France..

Hi everyone -- I am currently on week 7 of being off of 20 mg of Escitalopram. The issue is, I'm not getting better as far as my mood. I'm extremely weepy, have lost a desire to cook (I barely eat or feel hungry), have lost a drive for basically anything except exercise and work (because I need it to survive of course). Further, this summer (right before I quit the drugs) my boyfriend broke up with me (due to his own depression/issues), I moved into a new apartment in a new city on my own (with not many friends in said city besides my ex-boyfriends family), and my job title changed/wasn't what I expected/lacks a routine every day (which I need to feel stable.) Because of this, I am uncertain as to whether my sadness is truly depression/anxiety or if it's just a withdraw symptom that will go away. I hopped on the medicine about a year ago (September 2016) because of PMDD -- I found that i was extremely down right before my periods. I got on birth control as well to control my hormones, but I stopped that this past month as well. I got off the medicine this past July -- cutting down to 10 mg for two weeks then off. (My doctor said one week of 10 mg and then off but that scared me...) Anyway I had weird reactions as far as feeling extremely dizzy, not feeling like i was in my body, and having a hard time talking to people/interacting. (Those have since gone away) I'm needing advice on whether I should reinstate or just wait it out. I'm beginning to feel helpless because everyone says "just give it time" but when I don't feel better over time -- I begin to feel like a failure and feel worse. I now feel super hopeless and begin getting anxious about situations that may or may not be real (mostly relating back to my previous relationship.) I have friends and family who support me being off of it -- I am taking calcium, magnesium, b12 and vitamin c supplements daily. I also have friends who tell me I got off at the wrong time and think I need to be on it. Quite frankly, I feel worse now on a daily basis than I did before I even got on the medicine and I'm just regretting ever starting to be honest. Any advice from people who actually have experience on this would be so helpful. Thank you!

I have been suffering from this unique sleeping disorder. I dream whole night continuously and wake up exhausted every morning. Most of the people think it's any kind of psychological disorder even doctors just prescribe antidepressants and sleeping pills. Familly members are supportive but they could only give advice like wake early, do exercise. I nearly browsed the whole internet to get an ultimate cure for this problem but got nothing except "the change your routine"advice. There are many old forums where people discussed the similar problem but now they are closed without any conclusion. I have this problem from 2014 when I was doing my masters. During the final exams and due to other circumstances I felt some anxiety so went to a psychiatrist and he prescribed me 1.Imipramine 2.Diazapam 3.Trifluoperazine 4.Nitrazepam of different brands. After few days my exams over so I stopped taking pills suddenly from a night.From that night till today I didn't get a single dreamless sleep every morning wake up exhausted.there are many nights I did not get sleep at all. Since then I have visited many Allopathic, Homeopathic and Ayurvedic doctors, have tried several of medicines and supplements but nothing helped me. And you guys obviously aware of side effects especially in the case of allopathy like day drowsiness and brain fog.I also got my blood tested nothing significant but a deficiency of Vitamine D so started taking Vitamins. Till now no appeared benefits. It's like living in a hell, could do many things in life but first wanna get rid of this curse.I even tried spiritual ways. If you could help me in any way I will be highly grateful to you.

I've been in a bad place lately and I could use some advice. Since April I've been going through a relapse of mental health issues, and right now they're the worst they've ever been. It started when I was coming to the end of a stressful postgrad, I started getting panic attacks, something I used to get in the past but managed to overcome through therapy. I then broke up with my girlfriend, which was a stressful affair. The month of May I spent entirely searching for a job in the field I went to school for. I did this while I battled through my symptoms, and I developed some early morning waking, bad insomnia. I couldn't sleep, or think straight (Insomnia as since resolved for the most part, or at least not as bad). I somehow managed to find a job in my field, and started at the beginning of June. The last 2 months have gone by fast, and I've felt awful for the majority of them. Still depressed, this aching feeling in the pit of my chest. Just feel very low. We found out today that they're not going to extend my contract past this month. So it's back to being unemployed, and I just don't know if I have it in me to start looking for a job in this field again. I was happier last year working an old job. I don't even know why I left it. 2016 was one of the best years of my life. I can always go back to it. But I don't know if it'll make any difference. If I'll still feel just as sh*tty. I see a psychologist which is helpful, but I'm really bad at doing my CBT homework. I find it hard to track my moods, and what causes them. I just tend to feel this way. I see a psychiatrist, and he prescribed my Trintellix, but I'm terrified of these medications. I had an extreme reaction to Zoloft in the past, and all the research I've done, i'm on the side that these medications aren't as great as they're made out to be. I don't trust psychiatry. I don't want to put on an ever growing cocktail of pills. I don't think I have something terribly wrong with my brain. But I'm aching every day. Some days are better than others. But some I just can't take it. I'm not suicidal or anything. But I'm lost, scared for the future. Worried there's no point to anything. What has helped you guys the most? Thanks for reading. I wrote a lot more than I expected too.

Thank you to the creator of this site, what a great resource! I have been through withdrawal many times and I hoping this is it. I was put on Zoloft in college for Generalized Anxiety disorder (20 years ago) and it became impossible to go off of it. I tried many times and always ended up back on because off of the meds, I was very depressed. I was not even depressed like that before I went on Zoloft in the first place. Thankfully, over the years I was able to reduce the amount I needed from 100mg to 50 then 25, and felt ok for a while. A couple of years ago it seemed the Zoloft stopped working and I was switched to Prozac,10mg. Also in the past few years I started talking to therapists, life coaches, going to workshops, reading everything self-help, meditating, etc. About 4 months ago I started doing Crossfit and exercising in some way daily, and meditating almost daily. Kundalini meditation specifically has been helpful. My body told me it is a good time to try again to stop the meds. It has been 6 weeks since my last micro-dose and I am mostly ok, besides for crying spells. It has been difficult to tell what has been from withdrawal and what is hormonal for me because I am already very sensitive and have awful periods. But in the past 2 weeks there has been a lot of sobbing that is more than normal for me. It does not last longer than 10-15 minutes usually but has been daily (sometimes 2x a day) except for today. If I can have ONE good day like today where I felt normal then I believe this is possible, even if it comes back tomorrow! I have also used many supplements before, during and after the taper/ withdrawal, if it is ok I will list them here, maybe others can do their own research on them and see if it might help them. This is all trial and error, after all of the attempts, this combination might be working. I have to add that tapering off of Prozac was much easier for me (physically) than Zoloft. Before starting taper I used supplements from the Road Back Program. This made all the difference in the world for me as far as physical withdrawal symptoms, comparing to previous tapers without it. (I am in no way affiliated with this company or any other company/supplement here) I found out there is an MTFHR gene mutation in my family so made sure all B vitamins were methylated. Thorne makes an excellent one. I use 5htp at night 100mg In the morning on an empty stomach I started taking DLPA. This helps boost dopamine and gives emotional boost for me. For energy and focus (I also have A.D.D.) I use Weyland "focus" pill at times. Lithium Orotate I am still learning about but I started that in the evening recently. (This is a mineral, NOT lithium carbonate.) Niacin 100mg I just want to send everyone going through this a huge hug, and lots of love, I hope I can help contribute in some way, and am grateful to people sharing their stories here, it has been a huge help to me knowing I am not alone (and not crazy lol) I already took the survey as well.

This is going to be one very long post. I posted this on the other websites as well. Some things are changed and adapted to this whole site. Here's a person who's currently going through withdrawal syndrome and has experienced a full-blown depressive episode two times in her life that lasted for months. When you're depressed, it's important to: If you have a melancholic type of depression and have no appetite, you should, as I heard as an advice from a person who's been through depression as well, is to try your hardest to eat at least 3 meals a day. An apple for some meal ? A goddamn apple as a meal. Still something. Firstly, it would be really hard to eat and you'll need to force yourself to do it - but you still have to try your hardest to do it, which is the point of it all. Soon, after maybe a week, it would become easier and easier for you to eat because your stomach will expand for at least a bit more food than usual. Do that until you reach the normal amount of food. If you have atypical type of depression and have more appetite than usual, you usually eat when you're bored, under a lots of stress and similar. Use the method HALT (asking yourself before you do something self-destructive, because binge eating IS self-destructive -- Am I [H]ungry, [A]ngry, [L]onely or [T]ired ?). If you do match some of those things - that's probably a valid reason why you shouldn't eat at that moment (unless you're hungry of course). If you're actually hungry and tend to eat until stuffed, then try to eat slowly with hand other than the main one you use. Eliminate all the distractions around you and try to eat mindfully. Here are some tips on how to eat mindfully. This is what HALT method is. If you can't sleep at night, as people who are suffering from withdrawal, you should consider trying some natural things to help you (that are already listed here, so I'm not going to list supplements). Try avoiding nicotine and caffeine after 3-5 PM. I know that you can't exercise because your body feels too weak for that because of the psyche that's destroying you, so I'm not going to recommend that, but if you feel like you actually can do it - do it. Even 10 jumping jacks is still something. Avoid exercising 2 hours before sleep. If you feel like you're full of thoughts and emotions that are bothering you - write them down before going to bed. One also good thing is meditation before bed and meditation in general; It helps the brain heal after all. Listen to some relaxing music while you're trying to sleep in bed. I can recommend phone application called Relax Melodies (both available for iOS and Android). If you sleep too much during the day, it may be a side-effect of the medication you're on (if you are on some) and it will probably go away as soon as you get off the medication or are reducing the dose of it. (if the medication is the cause, read the common side-effects in that paper where's all the information about the medication and find out). If you aren't on the medication that could cause you hypersomnia, then I would recommend (for sleeping problems in general) - tracking your sleeping habits and just writing down how many hours a day did you sleep that day. If depression makes you forgetful, then alarm on the phone is always a solution to just write on some piece of paper a number of hours of your sleep during the day every day and see how much hours are you sleeping. What can also be helpful is writing the date and tracking for how long in general are you having sleeping problems and how are they manifesting. I myself struggled with this in withdrawal and it went away after some time of not using the medication. When it comes to motivation, it's important to start from somewhere. Is it brushing your teeth at least once in 2 or 3 days and then slowly decreasing the number of days to brushing them at least once a day ? Is it trying to do at least the lightest exercise that exists at least once in 3-4 days ? Is it forcing yourself (because yes, when it comes to lack of motivation - you just need to force yourself at the beginning) to write down what happened during that day, what your thoughts were in some important situations and how did you react, or at least one of those 3 things ? It really doesn't matter what are you deciding to do if you think that would help and if it's not anything destructive. The thing that could easily demotivate you is to try doing everything at once. Slow down, because there's a high possibility that if you force yourself to do things all at once and see that you can't because lack of motivation is one big problem, you could have another breakdown and, because of that, try only with one thing that matters to you the most. I would, personally, start with the hygiene thing, because I've had problems with it in my depressive episodes. Those were some major things when it comes to depression, now some small, little tips: Unfollow things that are triggering you into feeling even worse than you already do and follow/focus on some things that are more helpful. Reach for help on the Internet (and I encourage you to start going to the psychologist to work on some psychotherapy, since they can't prescribe medications), there's absolutely no shame in asking for help when you feel awful all the goddamn time. There are many helpful subreddits (on site called Reddit) with helpful resources on depression such as r/depressed with massive resource lists, many Tumblr blogs that are encouraging and are promoting recovery from mental disorders and many Instagram accounts that can also be helpful. Reading success stories when it comes to healing from withdrawal syndrome. I highly encourage you to do that when you feel really hopeless, that's what always helps me or at least, keeps me alive. Learn as much as you can about withdrawal syndrome and learn how it functions. Can't read and understand things because of bad cognition that is here because of W/D ? My mechanism for that is - read the same sentence, word until you process it in your mind and understand it well enough to continue reading. Try recognizing when you feel the worst: morning or evening ? Usually, it's morning, so try to create a list of coping mechanisms when you're feeling bad. Wish you the best recovery and healing. If you read this and have withdrawal syndrome - well done, you're so strong for getting it through the whole text while you can't think properly because of the W/D. That's all, my friends. I truly hope that this would be helpful for someone.

Hi Everyone, I’m a male in early 40s from Europe (Sorry for my English - it is not my native language), father of two wonderful children and married with loving wife. On year 2012 I started with generic escitalopram 10mg due to depression (lack of energy, motivation and loss of interest into the things I used to enjoy). Felt better and stopped taking them after about 10 months (two-week tapper). Had some anxiety, but that was all. After a few months, I slowly relapsed back to initial down filling. Reinstated 10mg of escitalopram, felt better and stopped (two week tapper) again after 18 months. That time I experienced more severe symptoms like anxiety, panic, fear, severe depression so I freaked up and reinstated. Felt better again, but this time continued with treatment for two years. I again felt ok and had much more energy but I also noticed emotional numbness, and that was the main reason I stopped taking ADs again after two years. This time I tapered 25% every three weeks and took last quarter of a pill in the end of January 2017. After a few days, I started to experience strange insomnia (on average I only slept 2-3 hours per night) but I was still full of energy and happy. All this changed suddenly after one month when I was introduced to the withdrawal hell that was severe beyond something I could ever imagine. Severe depression attacks mixed with panic and fear, severe insomnia, blurred vision, eye floaters, muscle twitches, constant nausea, diarrhea, weight loss, depersonalization-derealization, concentration problems, brain fog… This mixed symptoms eased a little after 2 months and I felt a little better for 2-3 weeks. After that, symptoms gradually worsened again. This time the biggest issue was crippling depression and anhedonia, but it was still mixing with other symptoms, but other symptoms was not so extreme anymore and also now I manage to sleep 6 hours per night mostly. However, depression is really bad right now and I’m really scared that I’m relapsing again with stronger than pretreatment depression. The only positive thing is, that last two months I started to experience some short windows (a few minutes to max a few hours) long windows when I suddenly fill great, optimistic and when I am able to experience emotions in such intensity that it makes me cry. This happens every few days, but then I get hit again with severe depression and tension which I think it gets deeper and deeper. Right now, I have filling that this moments of joy are only some interferences between relapsing to depression. I’m really scared right now and so tired of constant struggle to stay alive and try to function as much as possible, to be a father, husband and to somehow function in my job. I’m so afraid of relapse and I want my emotions back so much!

Hi all, I've been on and off Citalapram for the last 9 years. Its a 10mg dose and I am desperate to be rid of them. I am worried about how long this is going to take me due to how long I have been on them. Also? The sode effects and how long they will take to go. What to expect etc

Hey guys! I was diagnosed with autism (then eventually PDD nos), bipolar, GAD (generalized anxiety) and fibromyalgia. I have been on anti-depressants since I was 9 and stopped them almost a year ago at age 21. I was on sleeping pills from age 6-20. I also was on like 12 prescribed pain pills because my pain was so bad from age 17-21. I had bad withdrawls from everything (I got my doctor's guidance to safely taper). Turns out my fibro pain that caused me to be unable to barely walk for 4 years was being caused my Abilify pill. I now have no symptoms of any of these things I was diagnosed with. I took 7 years to finish high school because of my anxiety and agoraphobia. The pills seemed to make everything worse because without them I am now I'm full-time university which I never dreamed I could do. It's really hard for me because I wonder if all those years of suffering (especially with my pain and anxiety) were caused by the pills. Anyone have any experience with this?

Hi everyone, I've been looking at this forum from the outside for a while as I'm trying so hard to taper off of Lexapro. For the past year or so I've bounced around from Prozac, Zoloft, and Lexapro (I'm definitely missing one but my memory is so whacked from these drugs). Zoloft gave me some serious emotional blunting so my GP put me on "The Mercedes of SSRIs" - Lexapro. Within 2 weeks of being on the drug, my brain was telling me that I had no reason to be on this planet anymore. I called my doctor immediately to begin tapering off of it. I'm about a week in, and I think I'm going through a weird combo of withdrawals from Zoloft AND Lexapro, which just makes things worse. I've had a migraine for the past week, the brain zaps and dizziness are so frustrating, I can't keep food down (or in, for that matter) and I feel like I'm being totally suffocated. It's like everyone in my life is a clingy ex-boyfriend and I just need to breathe... but can't. My brain gets stuck in a cycle of "what if this never gets better? whats the point of living if I'm always going to either 1. be on these drugs or 2. stuck withdrawing forever?" When it gets really bad I think about running away, but my car is currently broken. One of the main reasons I'm giving up SSRIs for good is the emotional blunting... saw Hamilton on broadway and felt literally no excitement, despite buying these tickets a year ago and being a huge theatre nerd. I have no longing for affection or sex, and as a 20 year old girl, that's wildly frustrating. Has anyone had emotional blunting/smothering as part of their SSRI withdrawal symptoms? Or am I just in really bad shape?

I've just come across this conversation by Dr Chatterjee (UK doctor who appears in BBC programme Doctor in the House) with Dr Kelly Brogan, which I thought was interesting and helpful and appears on youtube. It occurred at Kings College London, in July 2016. https://youtu.be/DKifzrD2a38

Hi! I was in the hospital a couple weeks ago and was prescribed zyprexa and treated up to 25mg. Previous to the medication I was working on an art career. I hated the side effects of the medication and when I was in the hospital I could feel and see all the creative ideas I had nearly vanishing. I want to add that I was also on an antipsychotic for depression and anxiety since my mother just died. I went from a bubbly, creative, ADHD person with a wide emotional range to flat. When I came home I didn't realize I needed to titrate off the medication and went cold turkey. It's been a couple weeks and I'm terrified this is my new normal because at first I had a lot of feelings bubbling at the surface from my mom's death that I couldn't really cope with since I couldn't really sort them out like normal. My brain is foggy and I'm upset because I used to make mental connections so easily that I was working on videos and stories and an art business! I wanted to travel and loved nature! I feel like I also put too much emotional strain on myself because I was making a lot of social plans and not really focusing on my art because of the depression as a loss of my mom. I was wondering if there was any way to fix the brain damage I suffered since I've been off the medication a couple weeks now.

Hi SA, Good to be here. I've been reading some of the stories on here with interest. Kinda makes my problems seem pretty small in comparison to others! I'm more and more horrified by what I'm discovering about discontinuation syndrome. As a postgraduate scientist, I've read a few of the papers associated with SSRI withdrawal and I can't believe how little real information is out there for patients and doctors. I think I've been depressed since I was a teenager, but I was essentially snubbed by psychiatrists at the time (apparently, cutting yourself counts as ‘teenage angst’ in the UK) and didn't get into the mental healthcare system until I was around 25 when I started having really severe panic attacks and anxiety. I'd taken a minor in psychology as an undergrad and, armed with quite a lot of information, was determined not to use drugs unless I felt I really needed to. The anxiety ebbed and flowed, but I generally did OK. After moving to the US for grad school (and embarking on a very long distance relationship), I had a nervous breakdown due to burn out and relationship anxiety at the end of 2013. I moved back home and spiraled further, and eventually my friend took me to the doctor and I decided to try medication, with a lot of skepticism. I tried propranolol (a beta blocker) for about a month or so, which just made me feel ill and didn't really help as a chronic medication. Then I I tried Mirtazipine, which left me with a completely blunted affect, incapable of feeling anything at all and making me too tired to function anyway. I quickly got off that and went on Citalopram, which I tapered up on, through some really horrible side effects (talk about red flags!). I remember the first day when the Citalopram really kicked in because I was hypomanic for about a week. It was like being on MDMA, a drug I had used heavily for about 8 years before. I also lost my sex drive entirely, got restless leg syndrome and started putting on weight. I went back to grad school in 2015 and after an initial period of motivation, and a short period of hypomania (2ish months), I gradually ended up back in a pit of despair and anxiety. I managed to stave off doctors’ attempts to put up my dosage and remained on 20mg until May last year (2016) when I decided to try and taper off as I didn’t feel like the medication was really helping with my symptoms and I’ve been sick of the sexual side effects since I started. I managed to get from 20mg down to 10mg before the withdrawal symptoms got too bad. I now realise that I tapered too rapidly . Either way, I stayed on 10mg deciding grad school wasn’t the time or place to be tapering. Just after that, I decided to Master out of my PhD program and enjoyed a 3-4 month period of hypomania where I felt completely amazing, extremely creative, was eating books and information and felt on top of the world…I even saw a slight return of my sex drive. This came crashing down again in October following another really sudden bout of relationship anxiety. Now I’m done with university, and have been unemployed for a bit, I wanted to get off the meds ASAP so that I could get on with my life. Rookie error! I tapered from 10mg to 5mg in about a month around the end of February with no real issue, but now I’m a complete mess again. I’ve struggled to get beyond 5mg, with bouts of extreme depression, mood swings and suicidal ideation. I’m currently taking 5mg/2.5mg every other day but I’m right on the verge of going back to 5mg for a second time because I’m suffering bad. I’ve been sick as a dog for 2 weeks, I think I do have genuine sinusitis and a terrible head cold, but perhaps the symptoms have been amplified due to the medication? Hard to say really. This past week I’ve had terrible depression, suicidal thoughts, crying spells and violent mood swings. I really feel like everything is crushingly pointless, that I am worthless and hopeless. I feel like my life is falling apart and that I’m going to destroy the remaining good parts because I can’t be around people most of the time, including my long-suffering partner. I feel like a complete burden on everyone. Apologies for the pity party, but this is where I am right now. I hope that this post might help someone else coming off this medication. I’m really stunned at how difficult it has been to get off it and do wonder a lot whether my continuing problems have been due to the medication rather than a continuing mental health problems.

I was diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder in 2002. Since then, I've been essentially maxed-out on my Wellbutrin dose (450 mg/day) and have had some supplemental SSRI treatment with Prozac, Zoloft and other psychotropic meds like Lamictal, Ambien, and Provigil (guess who was working a night shift!) I decided to cut off the Zoloft (which was supposed to help with severe PMS) after a pretty acute manic episode in December that scared the hell out of me. I realized that I'd just had medication thrown at me for 15 years, since I was a sophomore in college. I'd always trusted the "adults" who told me I should take the meds - but should SAD be treated with such a heavy hand? It seemed like I was being grossly overmedicated. Of course, I take some responsibility for this. I've moved from place to place during the past 15 years and haven't maintained good continuity of care between providers. This means that my health info largely fell through the cracks - and it led to physicians simply carrying on with the initial diagnosis and prescription, which became woefully outdated. Piling on more and more psychotropic medication didn't help. Now, I'm done tapering off of sertraline, though it's been a painful process. I've decided to stop taking the Wellbutrin to see what I'm like off of the drugs. So far, after about a month, I'm making good progress. I feel more focused, clear-headed, and generally happier with the help of a proficient counselor. Looking forward to using this support network.

I am 54 years old, and experienced my first manic episode, starting 1st November of last year, requiring a month of involuntary hospitalisation starting 14th November brought on by numerous stressors. I was on Lithium and Haloperidol, from the 15th Nov, then ±900mg Lithium and 0.5mg Risperidone from the 15th Jan . I started tapering the Risperidone from the Feb 16th. My last dose was 0.125mg on 15 March. How long will the withdrawal symptoms last? The reason why I'm asking is I'd also like to know if I am experiencing withdrawal symptoms or bipolar depression? The intense depressive feelings arrive and leave suddenly and unexpectedly, sometimes lasting a few minutes, sometimes a few hours, after which I feel mildly depressed again, which is a general state. I am able to be lifted, for example by gardening, good cooking, humour etc, during this general milder state. I have general anxiety about several factors which triggered the original mania, namely money (increased now, due to difficulty working), accommodation for my and my spouse's ageing parents who are both difficult to work with, those being by far the most major among other stressors. I have found that very carefully-considered and rare - perhaps twice a week - use of Diazepam can also return me to this state from the more intense state. I intended to start tapering the Lithium once I feel more stable and know myself better after this current tapering. I apologise if this has been covered before, but I find reading and writing about my condition extremely stress inducing, which is to say getting to this point has not been easy. I am eternally grateful in advance for the help.

just signed up. information and advice is overwhelming!!!! I can only take in some information at t time. I can't believe this isn't more common knowledge. it is a horrible existence. but God is good and He heals. *1991-2003: 12 years on increasing amounts of Prozac, then *2003-2013: 10 years on increasing amounts of Effexor alchohol abuse issues throughout along with nicotine addiction *2013: pscychMD guided 5 month taper from 300MG to zero Effexor while quitting alcohol and nicotine at about the same time ( awful process , so painful and scary)Dr had me adding prozac to reduce the "discontinuation side effects" *then November 2013, not on anything... ------Bad bad bad ( probably and unknowingly, tapered way way way too fast and unknowingly into some Med PAWS and paws from alcohol ( 8 months without etoh at this time, 4 years now ) * Ran to psychMD and he put me on Latuda then Brintellix ( now called trintellix) *4 months later those about killed me and landed me 3 days in the hospital and then in intensive treatment for depression/anxiety for 5 months. During that time they tried different things too fast and furious with a lot of bad reactions to stuff. Chemical Assaults!!!! this included seroquel, Depakote Summer 2014 finishing up intensive treatment ("pills and skills" what a crock...): I ended up on a cocktail of xoloft, Wellbutrin and elavil. I didn't need more drugs. I was suffering from protracted w/d and chemical assault shock/ptsd. the medical community has no idea. they say "your mental illness is chronic and progressive so you have to manage it continually with drug additions/changes". you can't make this stuff up for a horror movie. *At this time (summer of 2014) I was diagnosed with MS (significant brain lesions and positive other tests for MS) and told I had to go off Humira. I had been on Humira or Enbrel for 13 years, as well as anti inflammatories for arthritis. I stopped these. One year later I started a 4 month taper of these psych drugs. This was way too fast and probably caused more damage/ptsd March 2017: Now I am 14 months total medicine free and dealing with recovery from the damage caused by the actions above. I don't know what is what in terms of cause and effect. I only know that it has been and continues to be awful. a hellish relentless anguish of a myriad of symptoms, an awful existence...after having lost my marriage, family, career possibilities, life...other than faith...I still have my faith in Jesus Christ and God's promises of who HE is, what He's like, and who I am. God Loves me and has taken and continues to take care of me in miraculous ways... He just hasn't healed me fully yet. Is it MS? Immune dysfunction? ANS dysfunction? Damage while taking medicines and self medicating with alcohol ? PAWS from alcohol? PAWS from psych drugs? Chicken, egg or road? It amazes me how after not being on meds for a while, we can suddenly get drastically worse with new or worsening symptoms. 25 years of pschych drug chemical assault and 2 way too abrupt tapers have left me in this state. not to mention MS. Such a mess. Hell on earth. Anguish. So many symptoms.

I had been on Effexor XR for fifteen years before making the decision to get off this terrible drug. My concern is that I waited too long. I was tired of the feelings if I missed a dose, the sexual side effects and the general lack of emotions. Had I know how difficult and painful this journey was going to be I would have stayed on the poison just to avoid all of the difficulty. In the beginning of coming off the drug I had all the symptoms others have described. The crying, the brain zaps, the panic attacks at night all were just the tip of the iceberg with coming off. I unfortunately came off too fast. I did the standard weaning described by my doctor from 150, 75 to 37.5. What I should have done was to open the capsules and count the beads. I also should have lengthened the time between each drop in dose. I would say after 3 months in I had it beat, I felt litter but that was short lived. I then began my journey of trying to find other alternatives. I tried Accupunture, Counseling, LDA therapy, NAC, Inositol, heavy doses of vitamin D, magnesium, zinc, omega fish oil, restore, brain octane...... I then , after 9 months off Effexor, decided to try Prozac in order to cope with life. Everything has become insurmountable and my thoughts are all negative. I have never been so pessimist as I am right now. Now only to I judge myself against all others, I internally do the same with my children and their accomplishments. Nothing is ever good enough. I feel perhaps that Effexor has damaged me somehow. My once optimistic trial and error ways have turned to a pessimistic future. My next journey is to try CBD in the hopes that I can return to some normal aspect off life. I welcome all comments, ideas, stories or pep talks to get me through!

On the 18th December, 2016, I took my last Lexapro and within days, I started feeling excessively tired and in January I got very sick with infections and have been really low. A week ago my Lyrica was reduced from 200mg to 100mg due to weight gain. My head is all over the shop at present, OMG.. so low. Having death visions of like me [details removed by moderator] How the hell do I get out of this?? Want to give it a go without the Lexapro (SSRI's) as I have been on them 10 years on and off for GAD and hear very bad reports about Lyrica for weight gain and brain fog...

Hello everyone. Although I feel like maybe I'm not as bad as many many people here, I would still like to share my story, since I have been through some suffering lately. Hope I don't bother you. Tl;dr: When I reinstated Luvox I started having depression, terrible feelings of hopelessness, dread and doom, no joy in activities or life in general, lack of purpose or meaning in life, and no love for my boyfriend, which troubles me the most. I never had depression before. Wondering if it was the Luvox and starting to taper, but afraid... So it all began when I was 9 years old. I started having severe panic attacks and anxiety out of nowhere. Afraid to die, afraid my parents would die because they were older than "normal" (used to call my mom every 5 minutes to see if she was alive), afraid of death in general. After a while, I was seeing a psychiatrist for children and started taking Clomipramine, don't know the dosage, until I was 12. I don't remember much because it was 13 years ago, but I don't recall any problems with withdrawal. From that point until I was 21, everything was fine. I would ocasionally have shortness of breath and that kind of stuff, but completely manageable. I was always a very good student (my mom told me they had an IQ test or something and they said I was "gifted", but we never explored that so I don't think it's really important), I practised sports, I learned to play the piano, I always had a great social life, very active. Now, in 2013, when I was 21 years old, everything went downhill. I was in a relationship since 2011 and it was not a great one, we would fight a lot, he would always break up with me, changing is mind about loving me on a weekly basis, insulting me, saying nobody would like me if they really knew me, etc. This relationship lasted until 2015, mainly because of my inability to let it go, as I thought I could never be happy again without him. In 2013, I had a huge anxiety and panic attacks crisis. I was also diagnosed with ocd (obsessive thoughts with mental compulsions, have little to none physical ones). Started on Sertraline but rapidly stopped because I couldn't tolerate the dizziness and nausea and it would make me more anxious. They put me on Xanax for 3 months and I tapered it in one month. Spent two horrible days with insomnia and EXTREME anxiety, but after those two days, it all subsided. Two months later (February 2014) I was worse (panic attacks, dp/dr, etc) and was put on Luvox (fluvoxamine - 50mg). It was well tolerated, and it helped me for two years, but I noticed I would still have anxiety and the obsessive, I just wouldn't reach the point of a panic attack. About a year and a half in, I started taking 25mg and everything was ok. Now where it got worse. In April 2016 I started to taper it with the help of my psychiatrist (whom doesn't really talk to me for more than 5 or 10 minutes, doesn't believe Luvox made me gain 33 pounds in under a year, and told me it usually had no bad effects). He told me to start taking it every other day (the 25mg) for a week, then every two days for a week, then every three days, etc. At this point, my previous relationship was over for a year and I was starting a new one. When I was taking it every two days, I started having SEVERE DP/DR and PANIC ATTACKS. I was told to take the 25mg everyday. It didn't work and he told me to raise to 50mg. Well, the panic attacks have stopped but the worse came. Since I was back on 50mg, I started to feel unhappy. I have a great boyfriend now, who really supports me and cares about me, I am studying psychology with very good grades, so everything is fine I guess. But I started to feel disconnected and detached. I feel no joy, no happiness in activities I used to enjoy. I reduced my going out of home very very much, sometimes spending a week without leaving my house and bed. I find no purpose in life, no sense (mybe it is an existential crisis, used to have them but not to this extent). I sometimes feel very frustrated and cry from hopelessness. I don't know what to do. Somedays I don't feel anything at all. On new years I was downtown watching the fireworks and suddenly I felt detached and very nervous and had to go home. My boyfriend came with me and it was ok after a while. But I can't stop feeling sad and with no joy. And the WORST OF ALL, sometimes I don't feel love for my boyfriend I know I love him, I think I do, but I can't feel it. I used to feel love so so so deeply and it is so strange to me. I told this to my psychiatrist and he said it was normal with the antidepressant but there was no problem and I had to keep taking it and he told me I had depression because of the anxiety, ocd and panic attacks. But I feel I just got worse since I reinstated it. I never had depression before and I had this since I was 9... Do you think maybe it is the Luvox? I am thinking of finding another psychiatrist since mine says that withdrawal from antidepressants is not usual and it was my symptoms coming back. But i reinstated it and I just got worse and worse. I sometimes think of suicide, but not in a "I want to do it" kind of way, nor finding relief in it. On the contrary, I feel so hopeless and purposeless that I fear it might come the time that there is no other way and it really scares me, since one of my great fears is dying and ceasing to exist. I want to taper it but I am afraid I am broken already and I have no hope. I don't want to feel the terrible withdrawal symptoms but I can't take this anhedonia anymore. It makes me so, so sad. I also sleep for more than 12 hours a day and sometimes I don't even see the light of day. I just want to feel happy again, but I am afraid I have no hope at that, that I will be depressed forever. What do you think? Sorry for the long post, but I needed to talk to someone that might have experienced the same as I do. Thank you so much, hope you all feeling well on your journey.

I have been on a few medications, but never tapered off any before (or not any that took this long). I have quit and that was that. This time I am tapering off Effexor XR, and while I wouldn't call it hell, it has at times been quite uncomfortable. I have a very good and patient psychiatrist in my corner, and she has put the brake on a few times, when I wanted to "get on with it". I have been on Effexor XR 375 mg since October 2009, with a diagnosis of Chronic Major Depression. Currently I Am also on Lithicarb 250 x 2, Valproate 500 mg x5, Dothep 100 mg, Aleoam 30 mg PRN, Stilnox 10 mg PRN - also various pain killers. I started tapering down about 7 months ago and I am down to 37.5. This last jump was probably a bit premature, but I want to get it over with. The plan is to get me on Valdoxin (a Melatonin derivate), to see if it will make me sleep long term. And I cannot wait, so I am pushing as much as I dare, but I have also read a lot about how hard it can be to take the last step. My most uncomfortable withdrawal symptom I'll call "the shakes" - it is an involuntary body shake, almost like a wet dog shaking itself, it comes in a series of about 5-7, and I often end up, unwittingly, moaning as well, because it presses the air out of the lungs. It scares the living daylight out of my dog, and is very uncomfortable. The shakes starts about 2 weeks into the new, lowered dosis and continues for a couple of weeks. Alepam seems to help, but nothing else, and I have made sure, not to lower the dosis, until they are well out of the way. I am not keen on the Alepam as support, as that will be another drug to get off. I have had vertigo, with light sensitivity and the feeling something was crawling on me. I have had serious mood dips, but not as bad as I expected, given my history with depression. Suicidal thoughts have been under control, something I had feared. The Dothep seems to be doing a great job. I am short of breath, and sweating (but it is also summer here). My other symptoms cannot clearly be associated with the reduction of Effexor, as I suffer from them regularly : Diarrhoea, Insomnia, Fatigue, Lack of motivation For 2017 : I am going to try the fish oil suggested on this site, and I am going to see a naturopath, to find out if some of my stomach problems are food related. And I going to get off Effexor !

Hello guys! I have always been an extremely positive person with a wonderful outlook on life. However, I've had problems with social anxiety for about 3 years. My SA definitely wasn't severe, I would say it was mild to moderate, I would only experience it in certain situations. However, it would bring me down occasionally so I decided to seek help. My GP prescribed me with 50 mg of generic Sertraline. I took my first 50mg pill on September 1st, 2016 and felt just as usual except for hand trembling and quite lifted energy levels. I took another pills on September 2nd and this is when the hell started. I suddenly woke up at 6am in the morning feeling weird. After a few seconds I started experiencing my first ever panic attack. It was really intense and really severe. I could not breathe, eat, drink and I could not calm myself down no matter what. It took 2 hours for the panic attack to subside. I decided to not take any pills, thinking my panic attacks would stop. Oh, how wrong I was. I had another panic attack in the evening, which started at 10pm and continued till 4am. I had one Xanax pill so I took that one and my panic attack subsided just a little. Somehow I managed to fall asleep, but I woke up 2 hours later having a panic attack AGAIN. I went to the hospital, where they did some tests. My heart was totally fine so they just sent me home. I went back home, slept for another 2 hours and went to my friends house to relax a bit. I felt extremely anxious and experienced hot flushes 24/7. At 8pm I had a full on panic attack again, my friends called the ambulance as I was hysterically crying on the bed feeling like I was about to die or kill myself. I ended up in a psych ward, where I experienced panic attacks every morning and every night. No one believed me when I said I had never felt suicidal or experienced panic attacks before taking Sertraline and OF COURSE no one believed me. They actually insisted on me taking Sertraline again, which I refused as taking Sertraline in the first place was the biggest mistake of my life. Surprisingly, the panic attacks have suddenly ended on September 8th and I was stupid enough to think that was the end to my suffering. Hell no. Severe depressive episode had followed. The things Ive experienced to this date - depression, anxiety, DR, DP, paranoia, anger, irritability, crying spells, apettite loss hot flushes, extreme trembling, inner trembling, jitteriness, suicidal thoughts, self harm thoughts, migraine headaches, fatigue, dizziness, mental impairment, insomnia, vivid weird dreams, sensitivity to light and sound etc. I felt like I was going crazy. Taking any supplements would send my anxiety to the roof. Symptoms would rapidly come, go away and come back again. Depression and anxiety are still here. I get some mild episodes of DR and DP. My insomnia got better, but it is still here as well.I have almost committed myself to a mental hospital three times. The symptom I am most worried about is tinnitus. I do not even know if it is somehow related to this adverse reaction. I developed my tinnitus on November 1st, 2016. At first it was almost unnoticeable until I had a migraine headache on November 4th, which made my tinnitus 3 times worse. It is not severe, but I am quite mentally unstable at the moment and it really brings me down. I have not exposed myself to unusually loud music or anything. Tinnitus seems to be quite a common symptoms for those in a benzo withdrawal, but I have not really heard anything about antidepressants. Mine sounds more like a metallic hiss in my head and is usually quiet in the morning. All I want is for this pain to go away. I hate myself for taking those tablets as I was absolutely fine without them. I used to be so happy. Great relationship with my parents, tons of close friends, partying, travelling, career prospects. I had so many plans but my life seems to be ruined and I am only 20 years old. I will never forgive myself. Have a peaceful day.

https://www.madinamerica.com/2016/11/frenzy-lobbying-21st-century-cures/ “A Frenzy Of Lobbying On 21st Century Cures” Kaiser Health News and NPR report on the immense lobbying effort aimed at passing the "21st Century Cures" Act which would fast-track FDA approval of drugs and devices. "The 21st Century Cures Act set for a House vote Wednesday is one of the most-lobbied health care bills in recent history, with nearly three lobbyists working for its passage or defeat for every member on Capitol Hill. More than 1,455 lobbyists representing 400 companies, universities and other organizations pushed for or against an earlier House version of a Cures bill this congressional cycle, according to federal disclosure forms compiled by the Center for Responsive Politics. A compromise version was released over the holiday weekend." More at above link, including comments on how to oppose the bill.

I don't know how people last as long as many of you have, because I just so badly want to end this all. In my current state of mind I can't foresee ever being better. Partial recovery stories and stories of people in wd years out terrify me. Also terrified because I haven't found any recovery stories of people who had some serious hormone issues because of the drugs. I care less and less about my family and friends. They're all that's left from my pre-drug life, and even they're affected by wd. College is near impossible, but if I drop out then the one real thing I have left to live for (friends) goes away. Scared that a real taper will be a year+, meanwhile all the initial side effects will continue to cause (irreversible in my eyes) havoc. Scared that friends, which have kept me alive up until now, no longer seem to have the same pull on me. I realize at the moment of writing I feel crazed, but I'm afraid if it lasts too long I'll do something stupid (but reaching out for help isn't an option; a panic attack in april led me to a psych hold, which led to citalopram, which led to this whole damn mess). How the hell do you guys get out of this hole of hopelessness, shame, and despair (shame is probably the worst part)? As much as I want health, I don't foresee it and part of me would rather die than go through this (not to be overdramatic, I'm serious).

Hi Everyone. I am obviously new to this forum, and this is also my very first post on any forum on the internet, so it will be very interesting for me. I have suffered with bouts of depression for a long time, but they have gotten worse over the years. I don't think the anti-depressants have helped me at all. At the start of this year i decided i had enough of being on medication, i had been on fluoxetine for a period of 3.5 years, and had steadily deteriorated over that time. It changed me profoundly, i became more depressed, more agressive in my arrogance which affected my relationships, i put on weight even though i eat very healthily, i lacked the ability to get pleasure from many things, and said no, more and more to other people as i new i would not enjoy the activities suggested. As i had been on antidepressants twice before, i new the gp prescribed way of come off them and in my arrogance, did it without the aid of my gp. Through my history with gp's i had a different one every time due to staff turnover at my local surgery, this did not help me, and i feel i did not receive the support i needed, i was never once advised about the dangers of long term usage, and was fobbed off whenever i suggested any of my side effects were due to the medication. So, having only just found this forum, i can see that i may have tapered my medication in much too short a time. At that particular time i was going through a rough patch anyway, so couldn't clearly see how good or bad i was doing at each reduction in dosage. Over this year my depression has become worse than i have ever experienced, and i also am suffering from severe anhedonia. Inability to make decisions has been a major problem, and also believing that what i had was not what i wanted, and that i wanted something else has been a problem, as when i get that other thing, it is not what i imagined it to be. Subsequently, i have lost my beautiful, amazing long term partner through it. I struggle to spend time with anyone, as i don't feel anything while with them. I was working on a house renovation with my partners support, and now i am truly on my own trying to work everyday through the tears. So i have a few questions that if anyone would care to give any input/advice on it would be most appreciated. My last dosage was early april this year, now bearing in mind i tapered so quickly, would i benefit from going back on the meds and tapering more slowly, or as i have been free of the meds for 7/8 months, should i just ride it out hoping that things will improve soon? As my current situation is feelings of great loss, and loneliness, are the daily bouts of crying etc. (Which i know are normal reactions) an indication that i am starting to feel things again, and my anhedonia is lifting, or could i still be feeling this way while still being anhedonic in general? Over this year i have been fluctuating between bouts of severe depression and bouts of severe anhedonia, is this normal? Have people experienced anhedonia while on medication, as i believe during the last year and half of being on the meds i have been anhedonic? This is evidenced by that fact that my father was diagnosed with cancer during that time (he has thankfully recovered fully) and i felt very little. I obviously wanted him to live longer because i love him dearly, but i experienced no worry, and actually felt irritable at times that there was extra help required of myself, in terms of taking him to the hospital etc. When i realised i was so apathetic about the situation i felt disgusted with myself obviously. I realise this is a relatively long post, but as it is my first ever post, i am not sure how to do this type of thing, and the protocols required. I have read the posting advice, but if the moderators feel there is too much or too little, or other information required please let me know and i will alter the post if required. This is a dreadful time for me as i see it can be for others, and the fact that i have found this site and see how others are going through similar things and some recovering, it brings me hope. Presently i feel life is very strange. Thanks all. September 2004 - July 2006 - Ecitalopram 20mg. July 2006 - September 2006 - Tapered to nothing. July 2008 - April 2009 - Citalopram 20mg. April 2009 - June 2009 - Tapered to nothing. October 2012 - Started 20mg Fluoxetine. March 2013 - Increased to 40mg Fluoxetine. February 2016 - April 2016 - Tapered to nothing.