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Found 231 results

  1. In late 2008, I was prescribed Cipralex for depression/anxiety issues. Earlier that year, I was on Propecia (hairloss medication) and started developing pretty bad brain fog issues (was only 21 years old), that's when I resorted asking my doctor for antidepressants (because I thought they would magically fix things). It's been since May 2017 since I stopped taking Cipralex completely, after taking it for 9+ years. Oct 2017 is when I started to feel and see my brain slowly deteriorate at an abnormally fast rate (I'm currently 30 years old). It is now Feb 2018 and I feel as though my withdrawal symptoms have been over since early January 2018, but I've just been feeling progressively worse. My cognitive function has been severely hindered, I've been neglecting all friends and family, and I am currently living a life of a disabled person and don't see a resort other than going back on this medication + possibly something else. It's a vicious cycle, I'm getting more depressed because of isolation, but I'm isolating myself being I'm "depressed". I haven't seem a lot of people recovering from anti-depressants successfully, especially after using Cipralex/Lexapro/Escitalopram long-term... And I'm starting to believe there is no way recovering from this. Seriously considering starting at a low dose and possibly adding Wellbutrin to give me the energy to change what's going on in my life... I really really don't want to take these medications, because I honestly believe Cipralex was one of the drugs that caused me to be this mentally handicapped, but I honestly don't see myself getting out of this hole without any meds... Therapy has been only doing so much for me... I'm scared guys; I don't think I'll ever do this, but suicide really does seem to be the only answer to all this. I don't want to live a life thinking about what could of been if I never took these drugs.
  2. About 4.5 months ago, I went off of Lexapro 10mg after 2 years on (was previously on for another 2.5 years prior to that as well, then off for 6 mths before I restarted). Instead of a taper, I was instructed by a psychiatrist to switch from lexapro to Prozac (bc of its longer half life) for 3 days before stopping the medication completely. I made it through the physical withdrawal and then began experiencing plenty of other symptoms: anxiety, depression, apathy, detachment, social isolation, etc. It seems to go in waves, but when I have short periods of feeling well, I feel quite fragile. Now, after 4.5 months, I have been feeling depressed for about the past 2 weeks. I’ve felt high levels of anhedonia for a while as well. I should also mention that I am planning a wedding that is 7 months away. I fear that I will continue to feel this way, and I am sad and terrified at the prospect of not feeling better, not being able to enjoy wedding planning, my bachelorette, my wedding. I chose to come off of the lexapro when I did because I didn’t want to deal with this during year 1 of marriage or while we’re trying to have children. I’ve been eating a healthier diet and I do weight training most days. I push through at work and in social situations, but this is very painful and I need to know that this won’t last for too long and that I’m doing the right thing. I don’t want to go on medication again because I don’t want to experience this again, but I also don’t want to suffer through what should be some of the most exciting parts of my life. Reading others posts on this site have been reassuring for me. Any insight, suggestions, or stories of how any of you can relate would be appreciated.
  3. SeattleKee

    I began tapering escitalopram six weeks ago (December 2017). I did so in conjunction with advice from my physician, a naturopath. I was at 20 mg. I began by reducing to 15 mg twice a week and 20 mg the remainder of the week. The sequence, then, was reduction to 15 mg three times weekly, reduction to 15 mg every other day. Then 15 mg daily. I then moved from 15 mg to 10 mg twice a week, then 10 mg every other day, then 10 mg daily. I have been at 10 mg. for about two weeks. I am now experiencing withdrawal symptoms. These symptoms include a sharp headache along the medial line between the right and left hemispheres of the brain. The intensity of the headache fluctuates, but, even at minimum, I am aware it is there. I also experience slight periodic nausea, never to point of vomiting, some irritability and a certain edginess or low level anxiety. In addition, I am noticing in increase in hypervigilance and self-critical thinking. All symptoms have been tolerable, if uncomfortable. My history with antidepressants is a long one. I started in 1982 when prescribed lithium carbonate for depression. Later, in the late 1980s, I moved to prozac. In the early 2000s I began taking Lexapro. I am choosing to taper and end medication as the stressors exasperating previous depressive episodes have been resolved for some time. I wish to be medication free in order to evaluate my psychological and emotional state in that condition. Secondarily, as I live in a state the has legalized THC and CBD. I am interested in using these for symptom relief and would like to hear from others who have tried these for self-medication. My physician is aware and supports this as a potential for symptom relief. Thank you.
  4. Hi all, I hope this finds you sane! I'm tapering off of my second time with escitalopram. The first time, in 2010, I was only on about 2 months, when I decided to come off of the drug. I used a book called "Break your prescription addicition". Since I had been taking the drug for generalized anxiety (basically, work stress sent me into what used to be called a nervous breakdown), I chose to supplement with a neurotransmitter precursor, and I was off "cold turkey" with no problems at all. I was not on very long, I was younger, it was summer. Last July, after being on the drug this time for nearly 2 years, the supplement trick was not so effective. So, in September I talked to my PCP who is a nurse practitioner. She was awesomely supportive, and suggested a S-L-O-W taper. So far so good. I'm at month 4, and for January I've taken 5 mg a day, most days. Some days I forget, really, and then I would have an episode of panic, or over-reaction. That would remind me to stick with the program. I am also making sure that I keep up with my meditation practice, and my yoga practice, and getting outside to walk. I am already starting to feel my mind coming back to me, but it sounds like the real test happens after the meds are done. Why did I want to stop? Easy. Breakthrough anxiety and the fact that I have gained 40 pounds in 2 years. And FATIGUE. So why did I go back on lexapro the second time? My mother, who has dementia, moved out here so that I, the "single" daughter, could be her caregiver. That happened early June, 2015. In July, I lost the high-paying job that had allowed me to buy the bigger home that had room for mom. I received a good severence package, and I had the summer off to leisurely seek other employment. In the fall, I was employed at my current company, but mom was getting worse. She transitioned to assisted living, and I started having massive anxiety - AFTER all the stressors were relieved. Weird. Mom's condition has worsened again, and she now needs to be in memory care - or at home with me. I opted to bring her home with me, at Christmas. It has been a challenging transition, and in spite of tapering, my inner freakouts have been short-lived and minimally disruptive. I am COPING! I'm writing a lot, and enjoying my dogs. I feel more like myself, I sleep better, and feel fairly well balanced. I hope to be completely off the drug by the Vernal Equinox. I've been listening to a really good audiobook by a woman who is a psychiatrist. She has no qualms about pointing out the lack of research proving a link between low seratonin and depression. She doesn't hesitate to point out the lack of scientific rigor in drug testing. And most alarming of all, is her confession that they don't really know what mood meds actually DO do. I'm glad I found the book (not sure if I can name it here), because I am now determined to tough out any post-taper withdrawal. That's my story, for now.
  5. Hi All, I was on Olanzipine 20mg and Escitelopram (Lexopro) 5mg for 2 years. I slowly tapered both medications in a span of 5 months and felt very good and confident but I was losing weight unintentionally. I went down from 130 lbs to 94lbs in about 7 months with no effort from my side. I can see muscle wastage. My base weight used to be around 99-100 lbs but going down below that base weight scares me. I did consultations with doctors across many departments like Gastro, Cardio, Endocrine, Neuro but they all took tests and said I am fine. I am shrinking day by day and not sure what the issue is. My blood work, endoscopy, colonoscopy, tests for lupus etc. all came normal. I even took a CT scan, X-Ray and ultrasound and everything came fine. Has anyone faced this situation? Can you please tell if this is a normal withdrawal symptom? It does feel painful on the upper back below the neck and the part of the legs below the knees periodically. I have no clue of this weight loss as everyone keeps saying this is normal. I feel anxious because of this now.
  6. In April 2015 I began taking Wellbutrin XL 150mg (1 tab then 2 tabs a couple of weeks later) for smoking cessation for about 10 weeks total including tapering on and off. It ended up making all of my nicotine withdrawal symptoms worse so I tapered off, each week cutting my dose in half. (2 tabs to 1 to ½ to ¼) At the time I was not aware of any potential of any crazy side effects of getting off of the medication except for maybe some tiredness and fatigue. My first day of having no Wellbutrin after tapering off, I had 3 huge panic attacks back to back. I went to prompt care and was given a small prescription of Xanax until I could go to my regular doctor the next day. My Primary Care doctor told me I was having a nervous breakdown and instructed me to take short term disability and start seeing a therapist. (I had also been on Lexapro 10mg since April 2015 as well, but was still on it at this point.) So that’s what I did. I couldn’t work anymore. I could barely function. Because I couldn’t work, I couldn’t keep my place and had to move back home with my parents…at 30. I lost my home, my job, and my social life. For about 4 months I just stared at the ceiling or played a game on my phone. It took me about 3 months to find a good fit for a therapist/counselor. After about 4 months, I went to an alternative medicine doctor who told me I had Candida and Leaky Gut Syndrome. They put me on a million vitamins and probiotics and allergy shots and told me to change my diet completely. (I was used to eating pretty healthy in the past so it wasn’t new for me.) It seemed like as soon as I changed my diet and took all of these vitamins, etc. my body jump started with energy and I felt great! I started a job working from home and could slowly start to function again. I started to notice these symptoms I was having, but they could all be explained away by other things. Dizziness, extreme fatigue, gagging and nausea, heartburn. Everything seemed to have another reason. Then my depression and anxiety got worse. So my (new) primary care doctor increase my Lexapro dosage to 20mg. A few months later, my depression was worse. Doctor said I was at the max dose and the only thing to do was to switch medications. Nope! I didn’t want to be on an SSRI in the first place. A few more months go by and I start doing some research online only to find that ALL of my symptoms are side effects of Lexapro! I was done. 2.5 years I had been on it. I had been encouraged to stay on it when I wanted to get off and I was done! I looked online and found a taper schedule. Every 2 weeks, cut the dose in half. So that’s what I did. (20mg to 10mg to 5mg) November 12, 2017 was my first day Lexapro-free. The tapering process was TERRIBLE. Everything was amplified. It would be really bad for about 3-4 days after each drop in dosage and then ease up a little for a few days and then ease up even more over the next week until the next dosage drop. Symptoms: -Increased Depression -Increased Anxiety -Constant Fatigue -Suicidal thoughts (not like me AT ALL) -Extreme Dizziness -Nausea & gagging -I could barely eat or keep food down -Brain Zaps (argh) After coming completely off, I was still struggling, but it was manageable. The dizziness and nausea were the worst and those seemed to have subsided along with the increased depression and anxiety. Then about 4-5 weeks after being completely off of Lexapro “Phase II” started. And that is the hell hole that I’m in now. Here are my current symptoms: -Crippling Depression (worst in my entire life) -Out of control Anxiety (worst in my entire life) -Extreme fatigue -Nausea -Gagging from Anxiety -Inability to eat very many foods without gagging -Vomiting from Anxiety -Varied Dizziness -Weight loss -Brain Fog -Forgetfulness -Decreased brain processing time -Extremely easily overwhelmed -Constant stress -Increased heart rate that will last all day -Sensitive to loud noises -Derealization (especially right after waking up) -Depressive Rumination (This is hands down the worst symptom. A thought or set of thoughts gets stuck in your brain on an infinite loop and you can’t make it stop. It drives me to near insanity.) I feel like the “real me” is inside of me fighting like hell to get out. None of these symptoms are “me.” I’m not myself at all and it feels terrible. I feel like my brain is broken and it’s not functioning the way it normally does. I’m frustrated, mad, sad, every emotion…except happy. I feel like since finding this forum, I have gained more clarity about what is happening to me. Because none of my friends and family really completely understand this…how extreme this is. The more I learn about WHY or HOW my brain isn’t functioning correctly, the more hopeful I become. Because I can try to find coping mechanisms to help me while my brain heals. Before I found this forum, I thought I was literally going insane and I was going to be trapped inside this insane body forever. I was absolutely terrified. So I just want to say thank you to the people that created this place. I’m pretty sure you’ve saved lives.
  7. Moderator note: link to Linus' benzo thread - Linus: Klonopin question Hi everyone, I like this forum, I think the moderators are sensible people who give good advice, compared to some other websites. I have already come a long way with regards to withdrawing from Escitalopram, from 30mg to 1.8 mg. It has been hell but hey here I am I know that by now even small cuts are problematic. My first question would be if anyone has a clue as to whether there comes a point in the withdrawal where things get easier (like at 1mg or 0.8 mg) or does it stay funky all the way down to zero?
  8. Is there even one story on line about a Pharma victim actually weaning off SSRIs after being on them for several years, suffering the withdrawals, then leading a happy life like others. Seems EVERYBODY ends up back on some sort of poisonous chemical, or the same one they were on before, or suffers lifelong side effects and feel miserable? I was on 15mg cipralex for 2.5 yrs for “acute exhaustion”. Tapered down over about 10 months, took my last 2.5 mg 21 days ago and I am in way worse condition than I was 2.5 yrs ago!! Talked to 2 different pharmacists last week. One said go to emergency and get a new prescription, the other said there are NO withdrawals or side effects! “its you underlying problem coming back, has to be” She didn’t even know WHY i was put on this stuff, but immediately made a false assumption!…….. Can anyone put up links to actual success stories? In my life, I have had to get off alcohol, tobacco, adivan and zopiclone and they were a walk in the park compared to this stuff
  9. Dear Soldiers in the Fight Against Antidepressants and Benzos, December 25th 2017 marked a year without any AD and just over 3 years without Xanax, and it seems to me that quitting Lexapro was tougher than quitting Xanax, probably because I was still on other medication when I quit Xanax. I can't say that 2017 was fun. In fact, it was one of the toughest years I have ever experienced, second only to the years following my sexual assault by 5 men when I was sixteen (I'm 35 now). I was so tempted to go back and just take the meds again. The temptation was made even harder by the fact that doctors were throwing these drugs at me all year, and each and every time I had to refuse profusely and tell them that I am not taking ADs anymore. *sigh* Doctors are very disappointing. We fear illicit drug dealers but we should fear the legal drug dealers more because we have been conditioned to accept their advice as infallible due to their qualifications, not considering the fact that they are either corrupt or ignorant of the drugs they dispense to us. Anyway... I digress. I went through it all in 2017. I travelled all over the world, seeing beautiful islands, going to beautiful places, being with the most wonderful man in the world, but derived no pleasure from anything. It was an apathetic year, and apathy is worse than pain sometimes, although logically you would think otherwise. Then, 8 months after all this emptiness, I fell pregnant, and only now, in January 2018, I am starting to feel a bit more joy peering through the cracks of my grey, dreary and lifeless soul. I can't say that quitting is beneficial right now, but I can say that I have seen an improvement a little. For example, 5 months after quitting, everything came back, anxiety, insomnia, depression, and disatisfaction, all expressing itself though apathy. Then the slump lasted for another few months until I got pregnant, and then I became slightly more upbeat, less fatigued and more present. Then in November I started to feel again, crying for the first time, laughing for the first time, libido up for the first time (only a little), and basically being bombarded by being human. Now, it is more of experiencing ups and downs than total darkness. So, it is improving. I had to stop taking supplements since I became pregnant, and I struggled with sleep a lot at first, then it got better, and now it is back to weird sleeping patterns but I sleep enough at least. Maybe the hormone surge of pregnancy is helping, but I definitely am better off than before. I just wanted to share this with the forum because I wouldn't have even dared to venture into quitting and sticking to it without this community. Also, I want to convey the fact that it gets easier but it is not an easy, quick path. I have come to terms that this journey is probably going to take me 10 years to see the true light of day judging by my progress, but as long as it improves, I am willing to slug though it. Thank you, and Happy New Year to Everyone.
  10. My medication history is complicated and in all honesty my memory isnt working all that well. I cant really remember a lot of my medication journey which is a scary thing to admit. Ill do my best to summarise. I started taking diazepam in 2013 i believe. I took it for the sudden onset of panic attacks. To begin with I only used my medication sparingly (and always, always as prescribed). I was seeing a psychiatrist at the time who was trying to help me find an antidepressant to help, however after trying almost all of them, i found nothing worked. At this point my Pdoc agreed it might be wise to take a small dose of clonazepam daily while doing CBT in order to allow me to do the work which would ultimately help me heal. Unfortunately CBT never did help and i remained on a daily dose of clonazepam for about two years. After deciding my clonazepam still wasnt working well enough to help my GAD and panic, i decided to try an antidepressant again. This time i chose escitalopram. I took 10mg and it worked after the first dose. Not many people believe me when i say that, but after trying nearly every other AD available and having absolutely no success, i know it was no placebo effect. I took 10mg for about two months, and i felt pretty good but unfortunately i also felt pretty numb. I decided to quit taking it. I cant remember if i tapered. But i will say i had no issues coming off. I found myself exactly where i left off before starting it. About six months later, i decided to try escitalopram again at a lower dosage, given i was still no better in terms of managing my anxiety. It took longer to work this time around, and in actual fact i wasnt even convinced it DID work the entire next year i was on it (more on that later), but nonetheless i continued to take it. I changed dose almost every week for about three months trying to figure out what dose would be best. I would try 2.5mg one week, 7.5mg the next, 5mg the following. And so on. Eventually i settled on 5mg and remained on that dose for a year. During this year i slowly tapered off my benzodiazapine by cross tapering from cloanzepam to diazepam and then doing a daily microtaper off. I took my final dose of diazepam on the 18th August this year (2017). It was one week later that i decided to quit my 5mg escitalopram cold turkey. I thought i was on a low dose, and i wanted to be off all medication. I wasnt even convinced it ever worked so i thought it would be no big deal. I did okay for the first two months. For the most part I felt really wired. I couldnt stop moving, my thoughts wouldnt slow down. I felt hypomanic in a way. My sleep was terrible, i would bolt awake straight after falling alseep and feel a strange terror and/or rage. I struggled TERRIBLY with restless legs too. At month three is when things started to change. I started to feel really unlike myself. I started to feel disconnected from my surroundings. I would wake up and not know where i was. I started to feel like i couldnt recognize the people in my life i loved the most. And i felt scared of them too. A couple of times out of desperation i took one off doses of my escitalopram only to feel better immediately, or at least by the next day. Im now in month 4 off both drugs and this last week has been the worst week of my life. I have fallen into a deep depression. I dont recognize my life. I dont recognize my house, my pets. Intellectually I know who they are and where i am but emotionally i feel scared of everyone and everything because its all foreign. It doesnt feel like my life. And yet at the same time I feel like im in some sort of time warp where ive travelled back 7 years in time. I'm having intrusive memories of 2010/2011. Not bad ones. Theyre mosly neutral in fact, but the fact that I emotionally feel like its 2010/11 is terrifying me. Its like i cant remember the last 7 years of my life. And its not because i took medication for 7 years. I didnt. I started medication in 2013. I AM SO SCARED AND CONFUSED. Im pushing everyone i love away because im scared and i cant recognize them emotionally. My poor boyfriend. We have been together 6 years and i love him so dearly, but i dont rezognize him. He seems foreign and scary. I have had DP/DR before but this is in a league of its own. Its like its my life, but my life 7 years ago. And im not numb either, which i usually have with DP/DR. Im full of emotion. Ive been crying hysterically because i feel like ive lost my mind. Last week i couldnt take the pain anymore, and i took a 5mg dose of escitalopram. It seemed to fix everything the last few times i tried that tactic. And immediately so. I would usually feel better and immediately regret ever taking the dose and interrupting my withdrawal. But last week it didnt work. Today i had the worst day to date and again i desperately reached for my 5mg of escitalopram. It hasnt worked. Now im sitting here feeling everything i was feeling before i took it and now im even more "out of it" having taken the escitalopram. I know how dangerous it is to randomly take escitalopram here and there. I dont need a scolding. My poor brain is probably so kindled it doesnt know what to do. Im aware of the risks and that ive been playing with fire. It just shows how desperate ive got. Im not sure this post will even make sense. I can barely string my sentences together. The time frames probably dont add up. Im not trying to deceive anyone with time frames for things, im just generally too out of it cognitively to figure it out. My memory is shot anyway. But for the love of god im so scared of my symptoms and i need help desperately. My whole life is unraveling. I dont know who i am and nothing feels the same. I cant remember my life for the last 7 years and thats the worst part. Please can someone help me?? I dont know whats causing these symptoms. Not sure if its just "me" or if its escitalopram withdrawals or if its a horrible wave of my diazepam withdrawals. I thought at four months id be improving but instead im getting worse. much much worse. This cant be normal. Im wondering whether i should try and stabilize on my escitalopram and wait a few months before embarking on a 5% taper. I dont care how long it takes. i just need the pain im feeling now to stop. Please help
  11. Hi! I have been on SSRIs for 7 years to treat GAD. Last 2 years i have been on escitalopram (Lexapro) 5 mg/day. I weaned escitalopram gradually within short time (3-4 weeks). Last dos was 1,5 months ago. Brainzaps and other WD symtoms last 2 weeks but they disappeared Now i have no problem, happy and feel my self back before medication but the most problem is INSOMNIA 😭 and night anxity. I know its withdrawal symtom but don't know how much it lasts. I use phenergan which help as sleep aid. Dose it worth to reinstate Esciatalopram after being 1,5 months free? Thanks for answers, replies☺
  12. I was diagnosed with post natal depression ten years ago. The psych put me on 10mg lexapro and told me to see him again two weeks later. When I went back he asked if I felt better and I said no. He put my dose up to 15mg. Two weeks later I went back again and answered the same question with another no. He put me up to 20mg. This continued till I reached the dose of 30mg. By that stage I had learned to lie....I told him I felt much better so that he would stop increasing my dose. I later learned that the recommended dose of lexapro is 20mg. After twelve months on 30mg I cut myself down to 25mg. Basically over the following years I did the same thing until I got down to 5mg. That was two years ago. That is when my problems began. Increased anxiety and ocd. No physical symptoms thankfully. But the anxiety and ocd is awful. I have read extensively and know my symptoms are withdrawal. There are definite windows and waves. I am currently at 2mg and life is hard. I honestly can’t see how I am going to get off this drug. The withdrawal sets in about one month after a cut and honestly seems to be endless in intensity. At this stage I am in no hurry to cut any further. During a window My anxiety and ocd seems laughable and I can’t believe how silly I have been getting upset about everything. But during the waves the fear and terror is so real. It is as though my central nervous system is damaged beyond repair. I live in a constant state of hyper alert.
  13. Hi Everyone, I want to start off saying by what an incredibly tough journey we're all going through... and I'm sorry for all of us here... These drugs were advertised to help our mental health; when in fact it damages our brain, especially when used for long periods. I don't even know what to see, other than the fact I feel pretty hopeless after reading so many articles about brain damage that these drugs did to us (mainly SSRIs). I tried stopped this medication in my mid-20s but eventually relapsed due to the terrible withdrawal symptoms. This time around in May 2017, after reading and acknowledging what these drugs do to us, seeing my drive and passions slowly fade away since I started, I decided it was time to stop poisoning myself. Currently, I feel these effects every day: 1) cognitive problems involving memory , learning, and focus 2) apathy, and lack of anyenjoyment for life 3) deterioration of emotional wellness, and unable to handle stress I am currently 30 years old, but feel my brain has rotted immensely. I truly was a talented individual growing up, was always quick witted, fast, and excelled highly in my activities and passions. Now I feel like I have cognitive function of a mentally disabled person. I feel so hurt, and angry and hopeless about what has happened... that I allowed myself to take this poison for ~10 years, listening to doctors that didn't really have an IDEA about the damage that these drugs could pose in the long-run. We are the guinea pigs that have to suffer, and there does not seem to be an end in sight. This makes me wonder if I have to start my medication again eventually to not feel like walking death every day I wake up. I'm trying to fight this... but there is just more and more recent data about what these drugs do to us long-term and I believe it has caused me brain atrophy... Please, I would love to hear some feedback and Idk, can we start fighting these Big Pharmas or are we just a big experiment for them to profit from? Regards, Ethan (PS: If there is any other info you guys which me to provide, I can do so gladly.)
  14. Kristine: Not alone

    Moderator note: link to Kristine's benzo thread - Kristine: Protracted clonazepam withdrawal? Hello, I am new to this site and would firstly like to extend my gratitude to all the people who have shared their stories and support. I now know I am not alone. My story is long and complex so I will attempt to condense it. I am 43 years old and was introduced to antidepressants 10 years ago after being diagnosed with MDD, GAD and PTSD (l do not feel comfortable with labels) by my psychiatrist. During the first 8 years of treatment multiple antidepressants and other psychotropic medications were prescribed. I will fast forward to October 2015 when I attempted to end my life (I had never been suicidal prior to taking antidepressants). I had to resign from work and was hospitalised for 1 month. At the time I had been taking citalopram for a number of years and had reached the maximum dose. My intuition told me it was not helping. I wanted to stop this medication and my psychiatrist was supportive of this decision. However, it is obvious to me now that she was inexperienced and uneducated with this process. The citalopram was ceased over one week and due to severe anxiety I was commenced on seroquel and diazepam. After leaving hospital I managed to taper off the seroquel and diazepam but became increasingly unwell both mentally and physically. My psychiatrist convinced me that my mental illness had returned and I was commenced on Parnate which was increased in dose over 3 months. Instead of improving my mental and physical ailments worsened and my psychiatrist sort a second opinion. I was hospitalised again in May 2016 under the 'care' of another psychiatrist. This was the beginning of an indescribable hell where I was treated like a human lab rat. Looking back the medications he prescribed were beyond belief and I was the victim of poly pharmacy without adequte professional rational. Unfortunally, like so many others, I was vulnerable and trusted his guidance. He treated me as both an inpatient and out patient over a one year period. Over this time I was prescribed over 14 psychotropic medication some of which were abruptly ceased and crossed over with other medications. If this wasn't enough I was subjected to 15 sessions of unnessaccery ECT. Not surprisingly, I was in a zombified state, unable to function and unable to return to work. My anxiety and depression was not alleviated and I was plagued with tremors, nausea, vomiting, fatigue and migraines. By April 2017 I ceased my appointments with this psychiatrist (he had little belief in withdraw symptoms or side effects of the medication he prescribed - he resorted to blaming me) and returned to my previous psychiatrist. Over the past eight months I have the mammoth task of withdrawing from multiple medications. These include escitalopram (completed reduction), Lithium (competed reduction), clonazepam (partial reduction), bupropion (completed reduction), seroquel (completed reduction), dexamphetamine (partial reduction) and fluoxetine (no reduction). My withdrawal symptoms are horrendous and relentless. My psychiatrist has been unable to advise me along a comfortable path. She appears to be in denial and her support has mostly evaporated. I feel abandoned, alone and frightened. I was forced to seek information independently (for which I am grateful), which continues to be a hideous realisation that for years I was in a constant state of drug withdrawal, side effects and drug interaction. I also feeling very angry about my treatment. I am tapering at the 10% rate now (one medication at a time) but even though I know road ahead will be long and rocky, I feel a sense of empowerment from educating myself. What I am experiencing is common and I am finally breaking free from the clutches of psychiatry.
  15. Hello everybody, I am new and I want to tell my little story about escitalopram (cipralex)and to share some thoughts. I have been using it for about 1,5 years back in 2013/2014 and I am now "clean" from that moment on. So, about 3, 3 years. I want to share some withdrawal symptoms I had and how I treated them ( still treating some of them) and I would love to have some feedback on it. Let's start from the first signals I got once I stopped ( I stopped really gradually and I haven't experience nothing strange at first, I mean in the first months I would say): 1)In about 5 months I gained 10 kg ( 22lbs) without changing any eating or sport habits. I haven't lost them up untill I did some food intolerance tests and I discovered many of them. I stopped eating gluten for a while ( 1,5 years) and I Iost them in the first 3 months of diet. Now ,paradoxically, I'm struggling with the opposite problem, I cannot put weight on anymore, I believe I eat 5 times the calories a normal person eat but nothing change. I am an ex- professional football player and I believe that my body now has problem to put muscles on, I would say I need about 4/5 kg of muscles to be back to normal but there is no way to achieve that. So first consideration for me, beyond the weight gain problem that is well knows, I have the impression that this drug makes it harder to put muscles on again. 2) I have some kind of permanent chronic telogen effluvium, I lost tons of hairs since I stopped that drug, but I'm not going bald. Just hairs everywhere, sometime more, sometime less. I am not able to deal with this problem and I won't go into other drugs at all. Usually hair loss occurs during medication, but for me it started right after the discontinuation... any other with same problem? 3)I have almost all the time a constant feeling of not being comfortable with my body, I mean it is difficult to explain... after that diet it improved a lot, but I still have some "signals" that my body sends to warn me that something isn't going in the right direction.... I find a lot of relief with mindfulness and sports, but still I am feeling strange physically speaking...my skin is drier and other stuff... Just to be clear, I like myself, I still like my body and I do fully accept it as it is, but there is something wrong, I know it better than anyone, it is not responding in the best way. 4) Libido stuff : a light loss of libido, and missing or weak mornig erection...During sex everything is kind of normal, I believe in a scale from 0 - to 10 I would say I feel 8,5 normal down there, but still something is going wrong. I am supplementing with ashwuaganda and I am doing 1 day water fast per week since couple of months, I feel great after it in terms of body sensations, but I am not sure it is helping with libido... 5) Alchool makes me feel a bit weird too... It is a strange effect, like I am poisoned( not drunk !!) after a glass of wine or a beer. I mean, it's not a big deal I am basically not touching alchool anymore, but I used to love wine and alchool in general, with moderation, and now there is this problem. 6) I feel I have lost a lot of motivation in life in general, to better say I need to motivate my self 300% times more than before ssri to do stuff... I am dealing with this problem again with mediatation, sport and with a second job... The sensation is that I am ok whilel I am doing stuff, but when I stop or I rest I do not feel great, I do not enjoy rest anymore as it used to be. To conclude, I would like to say that for me the first year after SSRI has been a nightmare for me.... a proper body shock, I am not sure how I managed not to take them again.... but slowly everything is going in the right direction, I still need to figure out some small problems and deal with them, but I would NEVER take them again for any reasons. I think I want to consider the fasting method more seriously, I would like to do it for 3 or 4 days in a raw in the near future, I read that many people recovering for post-SSRI syndrome found it very usefull. In these years I have taken a lot of supplements too... like curcumin, inositol, various herbs, cbd oil... a lot believe me... but I am quitting them all... I will leave the body free Maybe the post was a bit too long and boring, sorry for that... I appreciate any comments and suggestion.
  16. G'day SA community My name is Anthony and I have been lurking on this site for a few weeks and thought it time that I start my contribution. And hopefully get some well needed support without being too selfish. I would firstly like to preface my intro by thanking all the members, staff, moderators and founders of this site. It is helping me get through a dark time in my life that I have never ever experienced before. And it has been and still is scary. My story is long (as is most sufferers) so I will do my utmost to be as concise yet brief as possible without losing the important information. I would also like to take the opportunity to thank Aeroman in particular as His success story is what I have needed and his time and investment in answering all the questions from the members relating to his journey has been inspiring to say the least. I won't go into the usual diatribe about how I suffered as a child in a dysfunctional home from physical, emotional and mental abuse of which was the case but my story is more about the incompetent people in white coats we see as all knowing, professional, caring and are in their chosen field because they like helping people and not the money! It all started when I was 21 years old. I had recently finished my apprenticeship with a National Manufacturer as a HVAC & R Technician (Heating, Ventilation, Air Conditioning and Refrigeration) and was around two years into starting my own business. Things were going very well when all of a sudden and out of nowhere my heart started racing and I was feeling faint. It was fortunate and by coincidence that I was working next door to a Medical Centre. I literally crawled into the Medical Centre and was dragged by a lovely receptionist wo a consultation room. She got me glass of water and informed a doctor. Unfortunately by the time the doctor arrived my heart had suddenly reverted back to normal and I was feeling fine. Tired but, well. He did all the usual work up of tests, including a 24hr Holter monitor to check my heart but basically put it down to either dehydration (as it was the middle of summer here in Australia) or anxiety/stress. Anyway, I was given the all clear. A couple of years later, with out any warning, the same thing happened again. And then again. and then again and again and again. There would be sporadic episodes of this that would last from anywhere from 3 minutes to as long as three hours. It would also involve many Emergency Department visits, ambulance call outs, blood tests, tests for this or that, tests for something else more visits with a GP and yet nothing could be found other than that old chestnut. ANXIETY......STRESS......DEPRESSION. Duh...of course I'm stressed out, I am as anxious as all get up because I feel like my heart is either about to stop or beat so fast its going flop out of my chest.......and nobody can find what the...is wrong with me. So fast forward a couple more years and with still no answers I decided to start seeing psychologists, Chinese medicine Practioners, hypnotists, more GP's, more Psychologists, even a Psychiatrist who suggested the bad word.....Anti Depressants.........of which I have never been one to even take a paracetamol for a headache let alone nasty stuff like that. Well, they all promised they could resolve my anxiety and stress related heart problems but none of them ever did. I was eventually convinced by a psychologist (and my wife) to try Zoloft because I was one of those people that was either born with a chemical imbalance or I acquired one due to my childhood traumas. Well lets just say that those three days were what I thought at that time to be pure hell on earth. Stopped CT and straight in the bin with the free sample. With all the money I spent over the years I could have bought my own little Island retreat somewhere in the Pacific Islands. Fast Forward a few more years and continually dealing with my heart palpitations I got married, had two daughters, multiple businesses and generally a reasonably good time even though that this heart issue was hanging over my head constantly my Quality of Life was very restricted. Fast forward a few more years and Feeling pretty bad about this and being at that age where I wanted more out of life I hunted down a new GP who was the mother of my daughters best friend at school, I had known her a few years personally and my wife thought she would be able to help with this trouble that I was enduring. Well now is where trouble really starts but I did know that till recently. Into the first consultation and boom, out comes the Mental assessment questionnaire and what do you know, I have anxiety and stress bordering on depression. WTF? Being tired of all this I caved in, desperate for my heart to be normal I took the free sample of Lexapro with my tail between my legs, went home and told my wife who was ecstatic (in her defence she only wanted the best for me and a happy life with her husband and the big house and cars and white picket fence and she believed all the doctors saying I was mental blah blah blah). Sucked back my first tablet and went back to my life. Yeah, I thought my life was coming back and that these medicines really do work, why didn't I persist last time because I don't even think about my heart anymore.......A year down the track I went back to my doctor and told her that it feels like it wasn't working like it was 6 months ago, boom, up my dosed from 10mg to 20mg. Well well well, wouldn't you know it. 11pm on a Tuesday night I woke up, my heart was going crazy, I was ill, vomiting, fainting and feeling like I was going to die. Told myself to suck it up, it was all mental, I was mental, I have something seriously mentally wrong with me, the doctors and everyone said so.........three hours later I called for an ambulance, woke up my wife and kids and told them what was happening, my kids were freaking out......The ambulance arrived and as the paramedics came into my bedroom a thud and my heart slowed down to normal, I felt okay, all the stress and anxiety and ill feeling gone just like that. A two day stay in hospital with all the usual tests again and the doctor comes to see me, "Yep, unable to find anything, must be stress or anxiety". Great I thought. So much for Lexapro, time to get off this rubbish because I don't feel anything anymore, no fun, no anger, no happiness, nada......Two weeks later I tapered as per doctors advice and against her wishes I was off the AD's for good. Three months later I was back in her office begging for some relief, I was in bad shape, out of work and my wife again seriously wanted to go back on the meds or there would be repercussions maritally speaking. This time the Doctor said I now had Major Depression Disorder, those words alone stressed me out. Anyway, time to start the heavy hitting SNRI now, I was in bad shape she said..........Well two days later I ended up having another heart episode that was the worst I had ever had, I really thought that I was going to die, I screamed at my wife to call the ambulance, my kids started crying immediately, the Ambulance sent an Urgent care Hi-Priority paramedic who was in my bedroom hooking my with ECG leads all over my body, cannulas in both arms and then said quite casually..."It okay mate, no worries, your not dying....you got SVT. Just relax and Ill fix it for you in a minute I just have to get this ECG trace to show the docs and will get it done" What? SVT? Did I eat something bad, what is SVT. Isn't it anxiety? I asked the Paramedic. 'Nah" he says. Got nothing to do with anxiety. you may have anxiety from having this but having this is definitely not from anxiety" Anyway, a few valslva manoeuvres and a couple of jokes when the transport ambo turns up later I'm feeling quite calm. Off to the hospital for further tests and the Paramedics hang around for a while and with the Doctor explain to me what SVT is. Also known as PSVT (Paroxysmal Supra Ventricular Tachycardia). 24 years of my life chasing this, never not once did any medical or other professional suggest I go see a cardiologist but they were all too willing to take my money...............For those of you who don't know what PSVT is or don't want to use google, I had AVNRT (Atrio ventricular nodal re-entrant tachycardia) type of heart arrhythmia, there are several, of which I had an additional pathway next to my AV node causing my heart electrical conduction system to short circuit causing my heart to beat at extremely high rates which was captured on the ECG at 230bpm. Diagnosis meant that it was not life threatening, just very unpredictable and uncomfortable...No Joke! After my hospital stay I was referred to a cardiologist for follow but decided I should see my GP so I can stop the Prisitq because I have found out, after 24 years, that I am not mental, or at least the reason why I am a bit skiddish is because the actual heart problem. Again, my wife and GP convince me to stay on the Pristiq to just help get over the next couple of months until I sort out this heart arrhythmia and me, after all these years being brainwashed what did I do....I agreed, good idea, just to get me over the next hurdle because now I have to go and have a heart operation I need to be in the right mindset..............how stoopid am I? I am now back at home waiting to see the specialist cardiologist and everyday my mood is getting worse and worse. I am constantly crying, panicking, thinking I am going to die and I haven't even seen the cardiologist yet. This snowballs to the point that during my Consultation with the Cardio I was in a very bad emotional state my wife had to talk for me. When the Cardiologist found out I was on Prisitq he asked me why I was on this junk, I should get off it as quickly as possible, and medications like these are only for people who are in dire need of help and in Hospital. The Heart operation, Electrophysiology Study and Cather Abalation will resolve the heart issues and I won't have to worry about heart arrhythmias ever again. I informed him that my GP told me I needed to stay on them, well after that there was some correspondence back and forth from my Cardioligist and GP about this and finally my Cardiologist gave up. Operation day arrives and I go to the hospital, supposed to be a day procedure, should be home that night.......Two procedures and two weeks later I am sent home with some complications that the Electrophysiologist had some trouble sorting out. I wouldn't want to go into detail but I was an emotional wreck, my kids were destroyed emotionally as well I am happy to delve further into the complications during and after the procedure if anyone wants to know but, .Lets just say that I had almost, almost was going to have a pacemaker installed but thankfully it was found out that I had some complications from some "Medications" Namely a SNRI Pristiq. Basically I am still not right after three months and I am diagnosed with a condition called Inappropriate sinus tachycardia that needs to be controlled with some heart medications. Hopefully this will resolve with time. Nonetheless, I was totally traumatised by that event and I am struggling with it mentally still. So out of hospital I meet with my GP as I had lots of Chest pain, and irregular heartbeats etc etc and to finally get off the Prisitq. But no. now that I am in pretty much an uncontrollable state she suggests and refers me to a Psychiatrist to re-evaluate and possibly change medications and wants me to look at going to a Mental Hospital and to help get through the next few days while I am waiting for the Psych Doc appointment that I should start on Valium and Sleeping tabs to get me through. Wait, what. Now I'm treating this med with another med. Anyway, I'm so desperate ill do whatever......... Finally see the Psych doctor and she DSM's me as Panic Disorder only, stops the Pristiq immediately, but after three days break I need to start Lexapro again at 10mgs and then three days after that start 20mgs. Oh by the way, its because you have a chemical imbalance disease in your brain, you will need these the rest of your life, its like insulin for diabetics, most people are on these now, its what you need to live and get by........................................These nasty people play on your vulnerability!. Well I stopped the pristiq on a Wednesday. Thursday morning I woke up like a new person. No Crying, energy back, no dizziness, my heart was beating regularly and slowly and I felt brilliant. I told my wife that I didn't want to go on the Lexapro again but after some heated discussion, what she and the kids had been through recently and the potential issues going forward I handed my genitals back to her to put in her purse for safe keeping..........Start sucking those poison pills down again as directed by all those who had never been on this rubbish, two more weeks in bed feeling like death warmed up, headache, nausea, sore mouth, teeth sore everything, could not talk could not eat, that's when I woke up one morning and trashed the lot of pills in the bin. That was the day I Cold Turkey again Wrong move I know but boy, was I sick. The suicide ideation, the gory vivid dreams, the grim reaper and death is all thought about for those two weeks mixed in with insomnia. Well, I haven't recovered from these two weeks of Lexapro, they have changed something in me and I didn't get the relief I got from when I stopped Pristiq. This time Lexapro, only for two weeks has done something to me and I feel these withdrawal symptoms are going to take something special from me to get through...................These drug pushers need punishment for their actions. All these years of feeling intimidated by these charlatans and all along I had an issue that should have been resolved with a day procedure. Yes it was heart surgery nonetheless but still, my family and I are in a world of hurt now that was unnecessary. Thank You for letting me to get this out, I needed it. I am struggling with the WD side effects and I am concerned for the future and pain that is coming from this but I will no longer be controlled by these poison pills..........................
  17. Hi guys im gonna show you my intresting story, im not a long time ssri user and my withrawal may be not happen or wil be minimal. But my experience can help you guys to survive withrawal. this escitalopram thing is worked like a charm on me 2 hours after poping first 5mg pill. its aiitng like a benzo on me may be because of proven ''synergistic and on set speed up'' properties of my gym suplements. when i and my gf realized my male member* is getting smaller and im having wrinkles all over my face i freaked out and went cold turkey. i was using 2.5mg ritalin + 25mg sildenafil before sex on 10mg because it is making my libido disappear its giving priapism a wrong time long erection. Used about 11 weeks of 10mg lexapro for anxiety and depression first 3 weeks was 5mg . went off cold turkey today 5. day and no brain zaps no dysphoria, libido is going highger day by day and feeling a little euphoric. when i was on i was careless as hell but now im a little bit less careless. may be i will experience withrawal later BUT : im using these things on and off about 2 years : 50 to 200mg zinc 200 - 100mg magnesium sulbutiamine, thiamine, hydroxocobalamine 5 grams creatine 1-5 grams of fish oil 300-1000 ml filter coffe every morning 1800mg (3x600) to 10800mg (3x3600) NAC going off for 3-5 days and restarting pseudoephedrine, ritalin sometimes as needed drinking loads of water im going gym 3 times fullbody, other days doing gpp work, have very high work capacity (good for my adhd) and im very strong. i dont know what is responsible for my ''no withrawal as now'' story but there is studies about pshcopharmalogic effects of these things you know and creatine is speeding up onset effect of ssris and synergistic nac magnesium zinc fish oil too. if i feel bad i will write here and inform you guys. may be this can be helpful for other people just pop these suplemental pils and get rid of ssri without or minimal withrawal. edit: BTW im 78kg (172lbs) %15-18 bf and athletic as hell. may be my diet is important too because when i started listening dr charles parker and eat shitlaods of protein and carbs at breakfast my adhd drug started to work at very very low dosages. my diet is about 2800 to 3600 calories as i bulk cut or maintain- recomp daily 150 gram protein, daily 25-45 grams of fat maximum. majority of it come from egg yolk and taking fish oils you know. my macros like morning : 70-100 gram protein from egg whites, one egg white,fatless milk, bread.etc 1 kilos of fruit + 1-2 vegetable white bread, honey..etc just 300 grams of carbs. afternoon or evening : 70-50 gram protein- 100-200 grams of carbs, little fat. a lot of fruits, vegetables. dont eat this amount of carb as a sedentary people you can get insulin resistance eat around your TDEE at healty bodyfat.
  18. Hi everybody! I started taking Lorazepam 0.5mg and escitalopram (Lexapro) 10mg for anxiety attacks back in Sep 2016 after 4 months of one-per-month short vertigo episodes, dizziness, imbalance and (unconfirmed later) misdiagnosis of Meniere's "Syndrome"). I never reached the prescribed limits started with 1/2 pill -> 3/4 pill of Lorazepam and 2.5 -> 5 ->7.5 mg of Lexapro. I wasn't feeling good. Constant dizziness, sometimes a bit of nausea and overall while feeling less anxious not feeling good most of the time (a bit dizzy in some situations like elevators or driving). Then, I think in Feb 2017 I decided to start tapering off scared by all the withdrawal descriptions I've read and no being able to have tests for my vestibular system. I bought mg scales, and I think for two months I tapered off Lorazepam, and then May 26 was my last day of escitalopram. For 2 weeks or more I felt more or less okay. Then, things started getting worse. In mid-July 2017, after a stress I felt really dizzy, and my anxiety attacks got back to me. I started having strange sensations of posture imbalance, like my feet were not in accordance with the rest of my body. I thought I have a chronic subjective dizziness, took some vestibular therapy (they said I have a perfect objective balance), it seemed to help, but still I was having difficulty concentrating, sitting in front of a computer, felt constant eye muscle pain and anxiety. Strange feet sensation / imbalance was more perceivable when I was standing. Then I started having sort of "excitement"/"dizziness" zaps in my brain like you are on a rollercoaster for a second. Then roughly 3 weeks ago it got gradually accompanied by tingling, numbness in my feet and also tingling/ hypersensitivity in my arms / body and all over the body. For a couple of nights I felt extremely fatigue and felt weakness in my leg muscles and overall body, went to bed 2 hours before my wife, woke up a couple of time in a cold sweat. I started thinking I was developing an MS and all that made me completely freaked out (not mentioning chronic subjective dizziness and prospective to taking ADs again). I'm doing MRI in a couple of weeks, MRI from Sep 2016 showed no lesions. A couple of days ago, maybe a week, I started feeling odd taste in my mouth, I searched for it and yes, the closest description is "metallic". These three months were the worst, I think I'm in depression now (my psychotherapist kind of shares my view), really preparing for the life with MS and, well, the joy of life has gone So I'd like to ask community a couple of questions and ask for support, because it seems my CNS is waving me a goodbye 1. Do you think I tapered too fast? 2. Was the dose good enough to "justify" what was going on? 3. Is all this more likely WD than suddenly appearing MS? 4. I'm taking Fish Oil, magnesium, Turmeric, taking St. John's Wort (800mg) right now. Should I add / remove anything from the list? 5. I'm doing yoga warm-up every day, try to visit yoga classes a couple of times per week With hope, citydweller.
  19. Moderator note: Link to Nikki74's benzo thread: lexapro kindling akasthesia Mirtazipine diazepam Help. i recently stopped lexapro after a short taper from ten to five mg over 9 days. i had been on 20mg since 2011 then tapered quickly in June and stopped. This was a few weeks after stopping pregabalin 150mg v abruptly. all this time I was also on 15mg Mirtazipine. my anxiety went crazy and gp told me to double Mirtazipine dose to 30. I lasted 3 weeks of hellish symptoms and was put on diazepam and Zopiclone. im now off Zopiclone which was tough. 6 weeks ago GP told me to go back to 15mg Mirtazipine and add in 10mg lexapro. This didn't help so now have stopped lexapro three days ago but took 2.5 mg last night as am feeling withdrawal. gp wants me to start tapering diazepam as I'm getting worse akasthesia when it wears off or even a paradoxical reaction to it. i have akasthesia. Insomnia. Severe anxiety. Shaking. Muscle weakness. Obsessive thoughts and suicidal ideation as cannot go on like this. The only brief ride break I get is the 15mg Mirtazipine which calms me for 2-3 hours. How can I go on? i am a single mum and have CFS already for many years. do I stay off the Lexapro now? How do I cope with withdrawals, akasthesia, and tapering diazepam?? I take 7mg a day been on it three months. i can't stop in one place and am smoking (just tobacco) every half hour. i got sober in 2013. this is hell.
  20. Hi, I really need some help.. I started to taking Seroplex 10 mg (lexapro, escitalopram in other name) and Nordaz 5 mg during 2 years In France, after my traumatic childhood and adulthood. I came to foreign country (France) to rescue myself. I was taking these drugs alone last 1 year, without a psy cause i met a real disaster one. I stoped taking drugs since 4 months cause i suddenly felt no need, i don't know how to describe. I took 1 month to stop them and after I was literraly in a hell physically for the first one month, and from seconde, in a hell except my body and nowadays I feel completely lost and the headache doesn't stop. It feels like squeezed hard enough and i can feel the pressure goes up in my head cause my ears go pop up like i was in the airplane and my nose get the pressure too, it pops up sometimes. I can concentrate on NOTHING, i'm just lost. When people talk to me I don't know what to answer, actually i don't even understand why they are talking. I feel totally disconnected from everything. I don't know what to do when i wake up in the morning till sleeping, I can't work neither. I become more and more real alone cause i have no one to rely on in this cold country..
  21. Hello All, Not sure if I am posting in the right section, so apologies in advance. I am feeling quite lonely within no one to turn to on the same wave length.. I've been trying to get hold of a shrink I started seeing a few months ago. Left 3 messages asking him to confirm our regular sessions after a holiday break but he has not responded. I know that he is around, as I dialled his number by mistake yesterday and he did answer it. Unfortunately, I couldn't talk as I was not calling him. Anyway... The very sad is that the fact of him not calling me back, makes me feel,.for some ridiculous reasons, inferior and a bad person! My worth depends on whether he calls me or not! I KNOW it's ridiculous and probably due to my general feeling down and out of sorts but this awareness doesn't makes much of the difference... I also feel like a "bad " person, this feeling I'd experienced even before taking the meds so it's not a withdrawal..Probably, this badness has some routs in my childhood, whatever, now it feels real as ever... Sorry for putting it out there, I don't know who to turn too. After all, my psychotherapist is ignoring me (probably I've done something wrong, "bad girl "). Anyway, thank you for reading it and any thoughts, words of the encouragement would be appreciated... F47 PS Really, getting disappointed with the psychoanalysts here in France..
  22. Hi everyone -- I am currently on week 7 of being off of 20 mg of Escitalopram. The issue is, I'm not getting better as far as my mood. I'm extremely weepy, have lost a desire to cook (I barely eat or feel hungry), have lost a drive for basically anything except exercise and work (because I need it to survive of course). Further, this summer (right before I quit the drugs) my boyfriend broke up with me (due to his own depression/issues), I moved into a new apartment in a new city on my own (with not many friends in said city besides my ex-boyfriends family), and my job title changed/wasn't what I expected/lacks a routine every day (which I need to feel stable.) Because of this, I am uncertain as to whether my sadness is truly depression/anxiety or if it's just a withdraw symptom that will go away. I hopped on the medicine about a year ago (September 2016) because of PMDD -- I found that i was extremely down right before my periods. I got on birth control as well to control my hormones, but I stopped that this past month as well. I got off the medicine this past July -- cutting down to 10 mg for two weeks then off. (My doctor said one week of 10 mg and then off but that scared me...) Anyway I had weird reactions as far as feeling extremely dizzy, not feeling like i was in my body, and having a hard time talking to people/interacting. (Those have since gone away) I'm needing advice on whether I should reinstate or just wait it out. I'm beginning to feel helpless because everyone says "just give it time" but when I don't feel better over time -- I begin to feel like a failure and feel worse. I now feel super hopeless and begin getting anxious about situations that may or may not be real (mostly relating back to my previous relationship.) I have friends and family who support me being off of it -- I am taking calcium, magnesium, b12 and vitamin c supplements daily. I also have friends who tell me I got off at the wrong time and think I need to be on it. Quite frankly, I feel worse now on a daily basis than I did before I even got on the medicine and I'm just regretting ever starting to be honest. Any advice from people who actually have experience on this would be so helpful. Thank you!
  23. Hello all- i just want to introduce myself to the group. I have been a long time reader and follower. I just decided to create account. I will be totally honest.\ Back in 2014 Started using steroids to enhance my body building. I never used before but all my coworkers used them and so i started a 8 week cycle. After stopping them and going through the whole post cycle therapy, i started to experience what i did not know at the time was anxiety attacks for no apparent reason. Please note i never had panic or anxiety attacks before. On July 4, 2014 i experienced a full panic attack while sitting down watching TV. This panic attack felt like i was going to die! I was short of breath, sweating, dizzy, like i was about to faint. Right after that attack i was not the same. I felt the after effects. i was scared to have another one, i had brain fog, anxiety, Depersonalization, suicidal thought which scared me to my wits. I became depressed because i didn't know what was wrong with me. I stayed that way for two days, until i went to urgent care. I was given a injection and calmed down for the rest of the day. I was sent home with xanax, and instructions to see a Psychiatrist. Once i seen the doctor she diagnosed me with GAD. Wrote me prescription for Escitalopram 10mg, and xanax 0.25mg as needed. I started taking the Escitalopram 10 mg at night and immediately couldn't sleep, had racing thoughts, and was more anxious. Next day she instructed me to take it in the morning. That seem to do work better than taking it at night. Eventually my symptoms were gone except that i was tired alot and my libido was down. She prescribed me Bupropion SR 150 which i made me feel like my mind was going 100 mph. I stopped Bupropion SR 150 and she switched me to Bupropion Xl 150 and then 300 mg which combated the tiredness. At this dose of Bupropion XL i had motivation, my libidio returned, and my energy level improved. Fast forward to last year November 2016 when i decided i want to give it a shot and taper off lexapro first. With my doctor agreeing with me, i started to cut the 10 mg pill into 4 pieces. I weaned myself down to the point that i couldn't cut the 5mg pills to get a accurate dose. That's when i researched on SAD on how turn Escitalopram into a liquid form. See my signature for my tapering doses. Recently my employer started restructuring the company, Unsure of my future i started interviewing and testing for other potential employers. During the interviews i was so nervous i took 0.25mg xanax to calm me down. This was last month in August 2017. My latest taper was on August 14, 2017 i was at 0.7mg and reduced to 0.6mg/1.2ml - 2:1 ratio of Escitalopram. During on of the testing for this new job i was on the verge of having a panic attack. Not sure why since i was not nervous nor worried about the testing portion. I had no choice but to push through since we could not leave the room at all! I managed to finish the test but i was not feeling to good, so i took 0.25mg of Xanax which helped. After the testing episode i have been noticing that when i go into a important meeting i start to panic. i get dizzy, sweaty, and anxious. I feel like i want to run out of there. It got to the point that before one certain interview with a potential employer i have taken 0.125mg of xanax to get through it. And after all that i actually go the job! I decided to return to my latest dose i felt i was stable at which was 0.7mg/1.4ml of Escitalopram in liquid form. I increased my dose on September 10, 2017 I was hoping this will help. I was ok for 3 days until i had to make more liquid Escitalopram with distilled water. I bought some 10ml bottles so just in case i have to travel i have a small enough jar or vial to carry around. So after this mixture the new ratio will be 1:1. I crushed two 5mg pill of Escitalopram and added 10ml of distilled water. After a couple of hours i took my dose at 0.7ml = 0.7 mg 1:1 ratio. I am not sure what happened but maybe the powder that sits at bottom didn't have enough space to properly mix with the water, because right after i took this dose i was on the verge of having a panic attack and i haven't been the same since. I had to do breathing techniques. That worked for like 15 minutes but i was very irritated, i couldn't stay still, i had racing thoughts coming into my head, heart was pounding, i felt dizzy. I had to take 0.25mg to calm down to be able to sleep. i woke up around 1100pm the same night and felt anxious and i took a extra 0.125 mg of xanax again to fall asleep. I had to call in sick to a golf tournament with my new boss, and some clients. Now ever since then i have been on edge, i feel ok one moment and the next, i am anxious, i get racing thoughts, my left eye is twitching a lot. i worry that i won't be able to perform at my new job which is very demanding. Yesterday i did my original mixture of Escitalopram 2:1 ration in a slightly larger jar and i took my dose at 1.4ml/0.7mg of Escitalopram and bupropion xl 300 mg. I did not have the same episode i did the previous night. I this point i don't know what to do. Should i stay at my current dose and try to stabilize, lower my dose, ??? your help and input is much appreciated. Thanks
  24. I was on 10 mg ciprelax for 6 years. I tapered off for 6 weeks and finally stopped. All was well for about 3 weeks then all hell broke loose. Night sweats, loss of appetite, restlessness, suicidal thoughts. I have had non stop burning, prickly pins and needles tingling in my head, hands, and feet for 3 months now. Went and got all checked out and everything came back normal. Found this web site and showed it to my Dr. He believes this is what I am going through. I have tried everything from fish oil, magnesium, to CBD oils. I even tried going back on a low dose to no avail. I need to know this will end some day. My relationship with my wife and friends are getting bad as I just can not do much. Please share your get well stories as I really need to know I will one day get better.
  25. hi all my name is Miguel and i have a question about Lexapro here is the medication I took and the time lines Sertraline 50 mg on 5/10/15 and took Trazodona, 150 mg then i stopped continued on sertraline Mexazolam, 1 mg 1/12/15 on 6/6/16 I went to 100 mg Sertraline then 03-10-2016 i changed to Escitalopram, 20 mg and Xanax 0.5 and took it until i stopped on 28/5/2017 by my own bad mistake I did a super fast tampering of 20 15 10 5 0 in 1 mouth ^^ and i whent back on it on 7/08/2017 owe my one whit out saying to the doctor but i am now at 10 mg and i have an appointment whit a psychiatrist and gonna ask him to taper me off slowly But I am afraid that cuz i started whit 16 almost 17 y old that it's gone be hard or that I am hooked for life I did cold turkey and i wasn't dat bad until it all hit me at once ty for your help i will be posting regulary about my situation Love you all Miguel
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