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Found 64 results

  1. Hi there, I am wanting some information on how to withdraw or at the least reduce my medications. I was initially put on lexipro for 3 months in nov 2015, it made me a lot worse and I was taken off it and put on Risperdal 1mg and cymbalta 120mg January 2016. I stayed on this for a year with slight improvement and then in December 2016 my psychiatrist reduced my rispiradol to 0.5 when I complained about oversleeping weight gain and lingering mental illness, within 2 weeks this made me very edgy and unsettled so she increased it back to 1mg and said I might have to be on it forever, she then added 30mg mirtazipine. I have been on these 3 for the last year. I am terrified of going back to how I was but I also do not like the side effects or simply being on drugs. Im hesitant to seek advise from the same psychiatrist as the last time I went there she wanted to put me on a mood stabilizer which was March 2017 I never went back... any advise please? Thank you x
  2. Hello, my name is Manny. I was diagnosed 0CD and schizophrenic in 2008, but I been taking benzos and amiptriptiline since 2005. Currently,taking abilify 20mg,risperidone 2mg,cymbalta 60mg,biperiden 4mg. I am tapering klonopin down to 0,27mg from a dose of 1,25mg. I went to see my doctor this week because a blood test that I did. He said my hepatic transaminases are high because of the medication that I take. I am assuming the APs that I take. What can I do to get my liver function well? I know, quitting the APs, but I can t cold turkey. Any advice,please.
  3. just want to thank everyone here who posts. I am managing my daughter's withdrawal. She doesn't speak much so i have to gauge her withdrawal by her eating and sleeping habits as well as when we 'see her old personality' show up for a few minutes a day. When she can concentrate on a video or a movie, play Uno, or listen to her spotify.....we know she is feeling better. THe tapering is so slow and i want her off this med, but watching her body is my only key. It is an amazing process to see this sweet child who has no idea why this is happening, go through this process. Those of you who can speak and share are my light. Peace
  4. Hi all, I am new to this forum. I want to share my experience with you guys. This is my second time trying to come off of these two medications. I want to succeed in staying off them this time. I have been off meds for four months so far. A bit of a history of my medication use. I have been on seroquel and lexparo for a total of six years. In 2014 I tried to come off of those 2 meds and did it way too fast. I was on Seroquel 600mg and the physical withdrawals got so bad that I ended up in the emergency room. At that point however I did not go back on any meds and stuck through the physical withdrawals until they went away. A few months after that I went through the emotional, clinical, and psychological post withdrawals that got so bad that after 5 months I went back on medications and ultimately to the same meds I was on before. I have been on those meds since this past year. So I was on seroquel 400mg and lexapro 10mg until this past year. I knew that I had done it too fast and too quickly the first time and I was not under any medical supervision as I had stopped seeing that doctor. I wanted to give going of medications a second attempt this time and with determination and willpower to not go back on them again. With my luck however this past April my psychiatrist told me she was moving to a different state and will be replaced. So I asked her how to wean myself off of the meds before she left and she did not agree with it but told me how. Btw after she left I just followed her instructions and did not see the people that were covering for her because i did not feel the need to since I was no longer taking any medication, they never replaced her and just had people filling in and when they did find a nurse practitioner, I was told that she has quit. But back to what my doctor said. She told me to go down from 400mg of seroquel by 50 mg every month, that was her recommendation for the slow taper. This was back in April and it would take me 8 months if I did it that way before I would be off so I did not do that and instead went down 100mg every month. She told me that that was not the safest way to do it but she could not stop me. Now that I look back I probably should have done it by 50 mg each month even if it would have took 8 months, and maybe I would not have as many problems right now. So I began the weaning process in April and by July I was off both seroquel and lexapro, seorquel 400mg and lexapro 10 mg. For the Lexapro I went from 10mg to 5mg for two months, then to 2.5mg for a few weeks, by 3 months I was off of it as well. The physical withdrawals did not last that long and I got through it. But two months in I was getting the clinical, emotional and psychological symptoms back. The very ones they were meant to treat, and each month it is getting worse and worse. I do have to mention that before I ever started any medications, the only thing I was ever diagnosed with was depression and social anxiety. I was put on an SSRI and it made me very agitated and off the walls, kind of like hypomania with anger and impulsiveness, thinking and acting reckless. Once again I was never like this before meds. So what did they do? They added seroquel to counteract those side affects of the SSRI and I stayed on that combination ever since, going as high as 600mg of seroquel at one time and these past 3 years on 400mg of seroquel. The post withdrawal affects I have been dealing with now four months off the meds has been has follows. It started as paranoia, slightly delusional, lots of anxiety and worry and nervous, can't calm down. Then came the depression, debilitating depression, it can be brutal, then came the severe ruminations and obsessions, I repeat the same stuff in my head over and over again like a broken record with anxiety, doubt, unsure jumping back and forth between thoughts, it is very time consuming and makes me feel like I am losing it. And then came the mood swings, lots of agitation and irritability, anxiety, angry thoughts, hostility, everything pisses me off, don't like myself or anyone else, thinking irrational and delusional, depressed but with lots of energy, suicidal ideations, there are moments when I feel ok or normal and am able to laugh but those don't last. And now recently when I feel totally out of it, kind of like derealization and depersonalization, where I feel disconnected from myself, everyone else, and everything around me. I don't feel anything, loss of pleasure and emotions. And it is really scaring me. I never know how I am going to be feeling on any day, it is so unpredictable and it seems to be changing and getting worse and worse. I am still going through all the symptoms I mentioned before, and they keep adding on to different or new ones but I never know how I am going to be feeling at any given moment or day, it is very unpredictable. Lately my head has been hurting and I feel I am going into cognitive decline, like I am slowly starting to lose my mind, where I can barely function. Also, I am having a lot of restless movements of my hands, feet, and legs all the time. I am having more sexual dysfunction now than when I was on meds. I feel extreme panic, worry, and desperation, severe anxiety, where I feel like I am drowning or can't breathe, and moments of intense grief and sorrow. This is an everyday thing for me, it shows no mercy and I am getting tired of it all, it seems never ending, don't know what to do but I need help. The current state that I am in is that I find it very hard to be around people, all my symptoms exacerbate around people making me feel ten times severely worse. So I don't leave the house much these days, only if I can and it is not for long. Even in the house, I am mostly in my room, being in the kitchen, or bathroom or living room makes me feel unwell, being in my room does not make me feel happy or content but it makes me feel better than being anywhere else. I know that this is all in part because of I have been off the meds four months now and that is why I am going through all this that is getting worse and worse. I ask myself if I give it more time being like this will I eventually get better? Will my brain go back to normal with time without having to go back on any medications, especially the ones I was taking? or do I need to go back on some type of medications right now to get me through this, whether they are the same ones or different ones? I wonder if I need to be hospitalized which would mean I would have to go back on meds, or if I should just go back on meds right away. I am not sure what to do at this point. My goal is to not go back on any medications and give it as much time as possible while doing things to occupy my mind and body and avoid anything that will trigger me, stress me out, or give my anxiety, which at this point it is just about anything. Another option I thought about was going back on the meds at a very low dose and than weaning off of them again at the slowest pace possible, this would be just to get me through this right now and stabilize me. Since I think 3 months weaning process was too fast considering that I was on them 6 years in total at fairly mid dose ranges. I can either wait it out longer and I wonder if i will get better or worse or stay the same, or if any emergency happens, like having serious thoughts about hurting myself or some type of episode, that I would either have to be hospitalized and go back on meds to save my life. I do take vitamins and supplements right now and I would like to think they are helping but I am really not sure. I am also exercising and watching what I eat and drink, and am getting good sleep thankfully. Can anyone relate to this at all? Have any opinions, suggestions, or advice? Thank you.
  5. I cannot talk!

    Hello, is there anyone else who struggles with talking? i can not talk? I used to be so talkative before my medication. My brain is just a huge lump of fog nowadays. Every now and then i only answer questions when asked and only with one word. I can't get any more words out of my mouth, cant even think! Will this problem go away when getting off of medication? (Risperdal) or is it just a part of anhedonia? (Emotional flatness) this problem ruins my relationship with everyone! Sorry for short post, had struggle even write this! Sorry about my english too!
  6. Hello Everyone, I am relieved to find this site, because I have been dealing with problems from my medications alone for a long time, and it's a relief to find a support system, and a place where I may be finally be able to be helpful. For context, I grew up in an unstable home. My parents were upper middle class and had no serious problems (like drug abuse), and were caring in many ways - but not in others. My mother withheld food for every reason in the book (misbehavior, being too busy, not believing I was hungry, trying to teach me a lesson about different things, like patience, and making sure I stayed super thin, and making sure I enjoyed the food she cooked more) and I was hungry all the time, though never became too unhealthy because I never exceeded 24 hours without food. But it made me extremely hunger phobic (which I still am today.) I developed insomnia and generalized anxiety at the same time. And no one in my family took it seriously - they were all disappointed in me. However, when I developed depression, my parents constantly took me to doctor's and tried numerous medications - Hydroxyzine, Prozac, Lexapro, Zoloft, Clonidine, Welbutrin, and Abilify - all to no avail. During my depression, both parents became extremely emotionally distant from me, which made things worse. Finally, my doctor prescribed Mirtazapine and convinced my parents to feed me more regularly, and my depression and insomnia went away. However, I was also prescribed Risperidone. I was told that its mood-stabilizing effects would be beneficial in helping regulate my emotions and would prevent me from overindulging in my internal fantasy world (that became a crutch for me during my depression. I was not psychotic or bipolar - my official diagnosis was major depressive disorder and I never had mania or hallucinations. Risperidone was at a low dose, .5 mg, although I was only 14. She also wanted Risperidone to be a short-term drug. However, we had to abruptly switch to a new doctor (my parents had split up, and we had to find a doctor closer to their new houses). He seemed to think Risperidone would be fine as a long-term drug; I suppose he thought it was needed to keep my depression at bay alongside Mirtazapine. Here's when the trouble began. Mirtazapine was fine (I'm still on it.) However, with Risperidone, I had to fast regularly to test for insulin resistance. This aggravated my hunger phobia, but my parents didn't take it seriously. It also exacerbated my anxiety tenfold. I became so afraid of bugs that by the the first year I was on it, I was too afraid to leave the house during the summer. Sleeping was hard because I was terrified a bug would crawl into my bed. Some of my childhood fears came back and became huge an irrational - I was terrified of vomiting and lound sounds, to name a few. My family didn't take this seriously - they didn't believe it had gotten worse; they told me I was always this anxious. My doctor mostly believed them and gave me Xanax rather than examining my medications. After six months on the drug and for the rest of my time on Risperidone, I began waking up twice during the night by extreme hunger, unlike anything I ever felt (around midnight and again between three and four in the morning) which was disastrous for my mental health because of my phobia. (I think the only way I survived was because the hunger was so extreme that it felt fake, but it hurt like hell.) I couldn't go more than two hours without getting extremely hungry, and became afraid of taking standardized tests in high school (because food wasn't allowed) and couldn't go to social outings because I was afraid my friends wouldn't stop for food. Sometimes, no matter what I did, I couldn't feel full. I stopped doing the fasting blood draws because of my phobia, despite the potential consequences. I started cutting to deal with the constant threat of hunger. My family still didn't take my deteriorating health seriously and even threatened not to feed me to get to do what they wanted, and mocked me for being scared all the time. The only thing that stopped them from not feeding me was my doctor. He told them to feed me, but he didn't take me off the drug despite the hunger-induced insomnia and anxiety. I had prolactin troubles. It gave me an intense sex drive. However, it stopped my puberty almost entirely. I had menstrual periods once every three months, but when I did have them, they could last for two weeks and were very heavy, though I had no cramps. I also began to look different - I look younger in my senior yearbook photo than I did in my eighth grade middle school photo. People who saw me around high school who didn't know me well enough asked if I was a freshmen all junior and senior year. My parents blamed me for some reason - they just said I should wear more makeup and said I got bad "genes" from the other parent. After three years on the drug, I started having serious problems with my gut. For the first three years, I had bad constipation on and off, getting progressively worse as the years went by. After the third year, I had an episode where I was constipated for ten days and had to use powerful laxatives four times to finally get some relief. After that, I had to use those laxatives regularly. I also developed an immense, cramping pain in my gut. It would get so bad that sometimes, during class I couldn't do my work at all. I had to sit there, motionless, for the full hour because the pain was so bad I couldn't move. I had trouble standing for this same reason. This was my senior year, and the intensity of and the frequency of which the pain occurred and the need to use laxatives increased. At the same time, I started having psychotic episodes. I would switch between "positive" episodes, where I had delusions that the teachers and students in one of my classes were forming a conspiracy to humiliate me, that everyone I knew was trying to collect information about my weaknesses (hence my refusal to tell anyone about the pain in my gut), that other teachers were reading my thoughts, and so on. I became terrified of small noises and believed that whispering people were always talking about me. I had a perceptual difficulty where the world looked too shiny and glass-like. In between were "negative" episodes, where I couldn't make facial expressions, everything looked gray, and I moved very slowly and either felt immensely sad or nothing at all. teachers and friends tried to help me but I was scared of them and wouldn't let them. My family be angry with me. I was living with my dad, and would accuse me of abusing my Xanax drugs when I had negative episodes, and would yell and once hit me when I got scared of him during positive ones. I didn't live with my mom at all because her abuse was worse. After graduation, the laxatives just weren't effective anymore, but I kept using them, more and more, to try and get their effect. This caused bizarre symptoms (I think.) I slept for 14 hours a day, and had trouble moving after I took one. My heart would go extremely fast for hours after taking them. At the time, I started to worry they were killing me. I knew that both Risperidone and Mirtazapine caused constipation. The hunger was bad as it had ever been, and I was having delusions based around that, and I knew that Risperidone and Mirtazapine caused increased appetite. I finally decided that I needed Mirtazapine more because it had relieved the depression symptoms first, and Risperidone was only ever supposed to be for emotional regulation help anyway. Deciding I could do without it, I quit it cold turkey. I wouldn't have done this if I was thinking straight, but I was psychotic and no one was offering any help. Within hours, my constipation was relieved and NEVER came back. My appetite dwindled within a few days, as did my anxiety about bugs. For the first time in years, I walked out into the summer heat without fear of bees, and slept without hunger. I had a wonderful feeling in my body that I can't even describe. My psychotic symptoms being to ebb immediately, and were gone entirely after a month. However, other troubles popped up. First off, I've been mildly depressed and isolated since what happened. I feel awful about how I treated my friends and teachers when I was psychotic and thought I had to protect myself from them (which usually meant rudeness or shutting them out). I reconnected with some of my friends, and they really understood. However, not with others. Also, my family is the most distant they've ever been. They don't understand what I've been through, what I'm dealing with now, or why I treated them the way I did. They think I over-exaggerate and seem to regard me as unstable and don't have a sense of the recovery I've made, they only see the shortcomings I still face. I feel like a burden to everyone - I always need something, like money for doctor's visits or emotional support. I haven't yet been able to offer much in return, and it's profoundly upsetting. There's always something going on with me and I just wish I could help others for once. Two moderate shortcomings are communication and driving. Talking has become very difficult - I'm always forgetting what I should say (like "have a nice day') and am frequently lost for words - I either stare off into space or say "um" multiple times when asked a question. My words come out jumbled. Only a couple of friends have been patient enough to learn how to communicate with me. My family says I'm less intelligent than most people my age, and my peers and professors tend to think I'm weird or rude. I'm getting better though and my writing has remained fine and is a good communication tool for me. I also still can't drive. On Risperidone, I was too afraid to drive. Now, my nutrition is bad (I'll talk about that more below) and so it makes it hard to focus on different things at once (like car speed and lights) but I'm working on it. It's slow going though because I need to get away from my family. One of those is my menstrual periods. They are regular now, but the cramps they give me are intense. So bad that they make me sick to my stomach. Sometimes so bad that I almost faint and/or see stars. The cramping extends down my legs. I experience some of the psychotic symptoms I had on risperidone, along with confusion and sometimes even hypomania (like rapid talking and over-spending.) I now take Xanax exclusively for this because it's the only way to drown out the pain. Worse, I have terrible problems with my gut. I had acid reflux for a year after quitting Risperidone, though it's now mostly gone. Risperidone may have increased my appetite, but when I quit it, I lost my appetite almost completely. I became at one point nearly ten pounds underweight. I usually ate one small meal a day with a snack. I became so underweight that at one point I had problems breathing and climbing staircases. I had strange pains in my legs and made very poor decisions. I got sick all the time. I was cold all the time too - I had the space heater running in the summer. My felt pain in my bones all over my body and sitting on hard floors was excruciating. My family noticed none of this. At one point, I had to go to the urgent care once for dehydration. But of course, the doctor and my family wrote it off as anxiety, though the doctor mentioned I needed to put on some weight. I can't eat breakfast anymore I have symptoms of severe IBS daily, and used to vomit if I didn't get enough sleep (though this has since lessened to heartburn.) I still have malnutrition problems on an off. I alternate between a week of eating normally, eating less, and then eating almost nothing at all. Doctors and family say it's anxiety, but my anxiety has been virtually gone since quitting Risperidone. On that note, I HAVE made improvements. My anxiety is the lowest it's ever been my whole life (I can pick up spiders in my bare hand!). My hunger phobia, for better or worse, is more manageable now that my appetite is unreliable. I am in college. Socializing is hard and my roommate also became verbally abusive, making fun and belittling my health problems more actively than my family. However, I've made some light acquaintances and am helping a professor with research. I'm in the honors program at my school and I have a job. Despite my pain and eating problems, I go to class and have learned to be tough about it. I'm thinking of writing a book about my experiences with Risperidone. I'm keeping hope and positivty. But to be honest, it's hard. I don't have anyone to talk to about what I've been through. The nutrition problems are bad, and no one takes them seriously. I have a better doctor now, prescribing Mirtazapine and Trazodone (for sleep), and does recognize my weight issues are a problem, but I have trouble paying for her on a regular basis, and she can't do much for me when it comes to helping the nutrition/weight problem - I need a nutritionist, which I also can't afford. And so my poor health continues to get in the way of a lot of things, but I don't many solutions and sometimes the only thing I can do is hide them and manage them the best I can without guidance. And so, I am so grateful to anyone who has read this long and personal post, and I greatly appreciate any support and want to offer all I can in return.
  7. How to taper less than .01mg at a time

    I am tapering liquid Risperdal and am trying to make a smaller cut than .01mg at a time. I am currently at 1.10mg. This is what I usually do: 1. Measure out 1 mg with a 2 ml syringe and at it to 1/2 cup water per directions from medication insert 2. Measure out .10ml with a .50 ml syringe (1ml of liquid = 1mg of Risperidone) 3. Stir then drink right away Is there a way that I can measure out an amount of liquid and then pull an amount that will give me a .005ml/mg cut? If so, can anyone provide he water to drug ratio as to how to go about making a cut this tiny? the smallest cut I can make with the .50ml syringe is a .01ml. Thank you all for your help!!
  8. Hello, im from eu, sorry about my english. i'm going to taper my medication which is risperdal 1mg. I have had it about 1,2month. I have been taking 0,5mg for few days now so.. My earlier meds were abilify, zyprexa, truxal and levozin. I had my boozepsychosis about 7 months ago. how slowly do i need to manage with risperdal?
  9. So 2 and a half months ago i started taking trileptal because of bipolar, they never worked so my doctor decided to put me on risperdal, 1 mg at night and half in the morning, everything was great for a month, the risperdal was working but one day i started having dizziness and was feeling too tired, like i was high or something, i ended up going to the ER because i had so much anxiety and dizziness, i talked to my doctor and he told me to quit the risperdal cold turkey because those was probably causing me those symptoms, well its been 2 weeks today since i quit risperdal and im still feeling dizzy with a brain fog, i haven't had a clear mind in a while, i also quit trileptal a week ago because i started to think it was the trileptal, but nothing is improving, do i need to wait for a longer time? I hear a lot of people get better within a week of quitting the medication and others take days, but i still feel like im under the pills effects, am i going to have this brain fog for a while? When i say brain fog i mean like, i cant feel or see things too clear, things are not vivid around me, and my mind feels like is working very slow. Once again, i took risperdal for a month and trileptal for 2 months and a half, i forgot to mention that im always tired too. Could this be the mixture of both pills? Or could it be the risperdal?
  10. I'm new to the forums - currently taking 225mg Effexor, .25mg Klonopin, and .25mg Risperdal. My psychiatrist noted that the Risperdal is temporary (will be taking it for about 3 months), but after reading about withdrawal from this particular drug, I'm wondering if I shouldn't begin going off it sooner than that. It's worth noting that the depression and anxiety that I was experiencing even with Effexor and Klonopin did subside almost immediately after beginning Risperdal. At any rate, I already know I'll be beginning a taper off Klonopin soon, after successfully dropping from .5mg to .25mg without any side effects after 4 weeks - I think I got lucky there. I've been on Risperdal for 28 days, so my natural question, given that withdrawal from psychiatric drugs can occur for anyone taking them for "1 month or longer" is whether I should just stop immediately, since it's been just shy of one month and my dose is low, or if I should taper. I understand that I shouldn't expect a definitive answer to this, but I'm very interested to hear what others think and, quite frankly, very scared about what I'm about to face, given the need to taper from two different drugs. My psychiatrist will undoubtedly tell me to just stop taking it after I've been on it for 3 months, as she seems to believe that there are no withdrawal symptoms from any psych. drugs. So I kind of have to go it alone on this decision without guidance from her. Any thoughts would be much appreciated.
  11. I have been on 3 mg of Risperdal for 13 years due to drug induced psychosis for meth. I decided to finally try to get off the med and have been tapering since December. I did 0.25 mg per month for 4 months but when I hit 2 mg insomnia kicked in for a couple weeks so I waited it out for 2 months and this time went down 0.10 mg for this month. It has been 5 weeks since my last taper and my only real symptoms are fatigue, feeling completely brain dead, and occasionally my vision feels all strange kind of like a very mild acid trip. I am sleeping 9 hours a night and everything is calm I just feel completely flat emotionally, brain dead, and tired for the most part. Would it be better to continue the taper or just hold since my symptoms aren't unbearable but they are just frustrating?
  12. Hello everybody, i hope everyone is well. i would like to thank altostrata for this website and i also want to thank whoever volunteers, so thank you. anyways, i am almost fully recovered from the harmful effects of risperidone. I did not think i would recover, all in all it took 14 months to feel "normal." Here's a link of my first topic if you want more of a perspective on how i used to be: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12502-risperdalhater-my-risperdal-story-and-how-it-has-affected-my-life/#entry234527 I took risperidone for about 3 weeks, i recall starting off with 2mg doses daily then after a few days i complained about drowsiness and feeling weird so they lowered the dose to 1mg then after a few more days they worked their way up to 3mg daily and a long with that i received a long acting 7mg injection which can be taken once a month (as i recall). towards the end of me taking the drug i started feeling very very drowsy and i recall saying in a pathetic weak voice "I don't like this, i want to stop", so i dumped the risperidone in the trash and never took it again, i stopped cold turkey. the next week and a half or so i went through the worst experience of my life until that point. i had: - constant shakiness - could barely sleep - extreme sadness - seemingly a complete absence of happiness - serious muscular fatigue and weak blood flow these all disappeared after that week and a half except for the muscular fatigue and weak blood flow. the sadness/blah feeling got better at an extremely slow pace. libido died of course (pretty common with risperidone). thankfully i did not grow breasts or lactate like some of the victims of risperidone, perhaps they took it longer or took a higher dose. month 1-10 i was a fatigued wreck, people asked me why i looked so sad, i had to force my smiles etc. month 8-10 or so (as i recall) got slightly better but nothing big, just slight improvements. month 10.5 = more slight improvements in energy. nothing to be excited about though. month 11-14 is when the healing starting picking up its pace. i was hopeless at one point. i don't care if you've been on the drug for years, i still sincerely believe you will get better, just get off of the drug. taking this drug is not how a human being is supposed to live. so i started supplementing with niacin and my blood flow was better, i know because when i was at the gym i could actually get a muscle pump again, it wasn't that great but it was there. when someone is lifting weights, their blood is supposed to flow and the muscle that you're using will get filled with blood and become more vascular, i did not have this except for before i took risperidone. i've been lifting weights for 5 years, gym rat level; that being said, i could tell something was wrong when my blood flow became weak. don't worry about libido, it will return as long as you avoid those crap drugs. i personally put any drug in the category of "crap" whether it is prescribed by a doctor or not. i heard that when you show low libido, zinc can be a link.... yes i did try to make that rhyme. get your blood tested, i have heard that medicines can deplete certain vitamins/minerals. again, please get your blood tested. recovery won't happen overnight no matter how many methods you use to help yourself. supplements that helped me: Natural vitality calm magnesium: it's a powdered form of magnesium and has worked better than any magnesium i've tried. Melatonin __________________________________________________________________________________________________________ if you need help or advice, feel free to message me. at this point it has been 14 months and i am recovered, everything is back to normal. check your blood, supplement with what you need, eat good food, exercise. thanks for reading everyone.
  13. i stopped risperdal 4MG "Cold Turkey" and because of that that i can sleep only 3 hours per night. i am wondering regarding 2 issues: 1. How long will it last without start again and tapering ? 2. Can it make permanent damage to the brain so even after slow tapering the problem will persist permanently? If someone did the same, couldn't sleep and can share with his experience it will be great! Thanks
  14. do APs and/or anti-depressants deplete vitamins/minerals? i have heard that they have and i am beginning to believe that they do. any ideas?
  15. I began tapering risperdol Feb 2017. It's been about 6 weeks now. I taper 5% every week. My original dose was 1mg each night. I am now at .70mg. I have no physical symptoms but the mental symptoms are the same as the side effects only much worse. The side effects are derealization, severe brain fog, severe depression, emotional flatness and what feels like lowered I.Q. I am sleeping fine and my appetite is good. I didn't gain any weight while on this poison and instead lost quite a bit. I have been taking risperdol for 3 years. I started at 2mg and lowered the dose to 1mg about one year ago. I was told by my pdoc that I could go off of it and I jumped at the chance. He tapered me way too fast and I think I experienced a psychosis or extremely high anxiety. I reinstated at that time. (I hope this post makes sense. I'm not thinking too clearly.) My question is, will these side effects start to diminish while I'm tapering? Will this start to go away as I am ingesting less and less drug? I've read many horror stories online and I'm really reaching for some success stories. I'm very afraid that these side effects will last long after the taper is complete. I am so depressed and do very little but sit on the sofa. I have to force myself to do anything and I have no interest in anything at all. Nothing brings me joy and I cannot feel love anymore. I don't laugh and I don't cry. I am zombie like. It is completely miserable. I've lost everything since I started this med. I've made very bad choices and lost my relationship, my job and my home. I am now living with my grown daughter and her husband. Without them I'd be homeless. Any advice would be very much welcome and appreciated. Thank you.
  16. Last year November, I was diagnosed with depression and given benzhexol along with risperidone. By December, I began feeling dependent on Benzhexol and could rarely do stuff without it especially reading, talking to folks around me,etc. I always felt too anxious without it,also I wouldn't sleep properly, then gradually my body begins to feel horrible, headaches along with a terrible body feelings, confusion. I knew there was a problem and complained about it to my Doctor. He dismissed it as I was becoming anxious, it's a mild side effect, etc basically I would be fine and he increased my dosage to take a tablet twice daily, then I felt better but only during the drugs. By January the drug wasn't making me feel better, I then began complaining further but this time I also tried stopping, I would stop for a few days, usually lying down thinking my discomforts would go away, it doesn't then I would use a pill, I could reduce my use to a pill, then half, I spoke to my doctor further, so now I'm taking half a pill daily, but it feels like hell and I often wish I never should have started using pill as I only feel worse.
  17. Hello. I am twenty years old and had been on antidepressants since I was ten. From then on through my teenage years, all I knew was I needed to take my medicine . Once I was diagnosed with high-functioning autism, my pediatrician referred me to a neurologist. The neurologist then put me on respiradone and strattera. I don't remember if I had any behavior problems or not, but my neurologist told me I would have to be on medicine for the rest of my life. I stayed on those two meds until I got into high school. My first two years of high school, I couldn't stop crying. I cried day and night. My neurologist put me on celexa. When that didn't work, my neurologist told me he could no longer help me and referred me to a psychiatrist. I saw the new psychiatrist my junior year of high school who told me I had depression and anxiety that needed to be treated. I was taken off respiradone and strattera and put on pristiq and adderall. When pristiq wouldn't work, I was switched back to celexa. So it went on, switching back and forth between antidepressants. There were so many different ones I can't remember many of them. Every time I asked my psychiatrist if the next time it would work, he assured me it would. There was no chance to talk when I saw my psychiatrist. It would result in a new prescription every time. During my senior year, I helplessly slept through every class, sometimes falling out on the floor asleep. I had a good school counselor who allowed me to pass because she knew it was the medicine and I got plenty of sleep. I also cried uncontrollably almost every day in front of everyone and it was very humiliating as I would stir up a lot of attention. My senior pictures of me showed a person with a puffed up and swollen face. I was switched to lexapro again and stayed on it my whole first year of college. Then the crying returned. During my second year, I was switched to Abilify for depression. I still trusted my psychiatrist as he again promised me it would work. Out of all my experiences with antidepressants, there is nothing that could ever have compared to this. As soon as I took the first dose of Abilify, my brain signaled to me something was very, very wrong. I began receiving no sleep. My psychiatrist put me on trazadone for that, but when I took it, my body fell completely limp, my heartbeat slowed down to almost nothing, and I went numb while my body shut itself down. I stopped it after two nights. Meanwhile, with abilify, I began spending all my time obsessing over things I would normally never touch. I believed I was an alien hybrid sent from outer space to save the planet. I also believed the human race are all aliens in disguise. Then I started going mad. I didn't want to be a human anymore. I wanted to be a supernatural creature with otherworldly capabilities. This was all extremely terrifying to me, but I couldn't stop myself. I lost my common sense as I believed these nonsensical theories. My mind was overpowering me with racing thoughts such as these listed. I couldn't think clearly. I was almost always in a state of rage. Reasoning had left me. For reasons I do not remember, I stopped Abilify by myself cold turkey. My psychiatrist had told me before that I never needed to worry about tapering because the antidepressants I took were all in the same family. He never mentioned stopping completely. Withdrawal symptoms didn't show up until a week later. My psychiatrist told me they would last 15 days. They were relatively minor, and I didn't worry much about them. However, nothing could have ever prepared me for the horror I underwent next. Every horror I could have never imagined bestowed me over the course of a month. I received no sleep. I was very lucky if I got one hour. The nights soon got from bad to worse. I developed REM sleep disorder. I was unable to tell the difference between being awake and asleep. As my mind was drifting, I jumped up in the air, screamed, swung at the air, and thrashed violently all over. In addition, my head would suddenly snap up and I would shout melancholy indistinguishable language and suck in sharp breaths. I was aware of everything, but I had no control over it, and it was very disturbing to me. Then came the uncontrollable muscle movements. My lips drew up on the sides, my mouth gaped open, my lips puckered and pouted, my teeth bared, my tongue stuck out, my neck extended, my eyes bulged, my eyebrows rose and lowered, my hands flapped, my arms swung, my knees jerked, my head jerked side to side, and my fingers extended. Shouts, grunts, moans, and gasps escaped my mouth. Several weeks went by as more horrendous symptoms appeared. Every day I was a zombie. I could only do basic human activities. I had no awareness of the passage of time. At night while drifting off, a dark shadowy presence swept over me. I was aware of where I was in real time while drifting, but I sensed a sudden danger. I jumped up alert every time. I heard a voice I believed to be God's telling me why I was like this and what I needed to do. It spoke to me relentlessly for days. When this occurred, an otherworldly and overwhelming sense of peace filled my every being. But it was always soon replaced by a terror so surreal I could not function. During this time, I could "see" my brain and I believed I was in control of what I allowed to be let in. After four days of this, I ordered the voice to "Get out!" It did and did not come back. Right after this, a veil suddenly covered my mind and I was disengaged from reality. I had no sense of where I was and I had no connection with my parents. I was always mad, crying most of the time, and my head was always jerking. I saw my psychiatrist for the last time two months ago. The doctor who had been nice to me all this time suddenly turned mean. He told me he refused to see me unless I got on medicine. By this time, I had found this site and many other websites about withdrawal. I knew I wanted to try living a better life and I was not backing down. I never took the newly prescribed anti psychotic he prescribed me. A week later, my parents, exasperated with how I was doing and on their last straw, called my psychiatrist. My dad told the psychiatrist I had read on the internet how long the withdrawal really is and the doctor spoke with me on the phone. My psychiatrist told me that the withdrawal symptoms I was describing were "all in my head" because the medicine would already be out of my system now six weeks later. He told me I needed to get on medicine right now because "I needed help". He told me my quality of life was not as good without the medicine. I was in another rage episode by this time, and unlike me, I confronted him. I said "Well why are a lot of these the same symptoms I experienced during the so-called withdrawal time?" He said he didn't know and preceded to ask me was I on drugs. I was in disbelief that anyone would ask such a thing. I have not spoken to that psychiatrist since. I am dealing currently with a lot of physical and mental symptoms but none I would describe as severe as that horrible nightmare of a month. (That month just happened to be timed perfectly with my Christmas break.) My mouth, head, and fingers jerk, but never as exaggerated as they were the first month. I dealt with extremely numb fingers, feet, and ankles up until two weeks ago. My ankles at times felt like they were hanging by a single nail. My feet, bluish-green, were so numb and swollen I had no feeling and shooting pains shot up my legs. I was extremely dizzy for so long. My gp told me I have low blood pressure. I started having panic attacks. Anxiety crept over me for no apparent reason. I cried a lot. I felt hopeless. I am dealing with apathy, anhedonia, akathisia, and cognitive problems. My memory has not been well during this whole time. I am not aware; I'm just wherever I am. I have lost perception of sight, hearing, and touch. I do things I'm supposed to do because I know that's what I've always done. I cannot connect feelings to memories; I have to rely on pictures and journals from over the years. I had to look back in my journal to refresh my memory of this whole experience which I happened to write down. I have been disconnected with myself...it was worse in the beginning. I would look at pictures of myself and couldn't connect that it was me. The whole first month of withdrawal my face was so puffed up I thought my skin would fall off. Sometimes things look bigger or smaller than they appear. My thinking ability is limited. I went to my gp again three weeks ago and I was low on vitamin D. I am currently on iron medicine, vitamin d supplements, allergy medicine, and multivitamins. Although the numbness has gone away, I am extremely faint and have weak tremors every day. At night I'm miserably exhausted. My heart is always beating fast and hard. I get chills and my body tenses up. I'm not sure if I should be concerned about any of this. I cold-turkeyed Abilify four months ago. I have managed to keep my grades up in college since then and so far have maintained a perfect attendance. Some days are harder than others, but I try to count my blessings as I've heard stories far worse than my own. I am only beginning to understand what I am dealing with. The last thing I would want is to ever take another antidepressant and hinder this process. I feel like I have a real sense of myself now and I feel more in control. I have no idea how long this will last or if it will ever go away but I try to maintain a positive attitude about it as things slowly get better. I have faced the fact that I can't change my past but I can certainly shape my future. I apologize for the long story. It is difficult to get my thoughts together.
  18. Hi all. I have been on a combo of Risperdal and Zoloft since 2012. I reached 3mg risperdal and 200mg zoloft in early 2016, tried to taper off both starting in June of that year, and had a bout of insomnia in November, at which time I reinstated along with an additional 15mg remeron. Adding the remeron, I've learned, was a huge mistake and most likely unnecessary. Since then I've slept at most 6 hours instead of my usual 8. For the first 2 months on remeron I avoided caffeine and tobacco. Then, after picking up both again, my sleep suffered, and I eventually had nights with 2-3 hours. I've since learned that caffeine and tobacco induce the enzyme CYP1A2, which metabolizes remeron, explaining this. By abstaining from both, my sleep has returned. I have also tried shaving a sliver off my 15mg pill with no luck...getting a full night without sleep. I would like to be able to drink coffee and smoke again. That leaves me with 2 options, get off the remeron (seemingly impossible) or tolerate the lack of sleep. If I do the latter, will my sleep eventually not recover even when abstinent due to repeated withdrawals? I had been planning to use coffee and cigs only sporadically, letting my sleep return before using them again, or using only on the weekends. If I that is not sustainable, then how do you recommend I get off the remeron, given my sensitivity to even a small dose decrease? My doc has suggested trazodone as a replacement, but that med interacts with my other meds and a post about it here scared me away. Thank you so much for your help.
  19. I've been going through AD withdrawals now for going on 3 years, and I've recently turned a corner and began noticing very noticeable improvements since last August. I'm soOoo thankful for that! I've told everyone that will listen how much of a nightmare this has been and how I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Well, now my 11 year old niece is going through a nightmare of her own. She was taking Evekeo (a stimulant ADHD med) for about 3 years until the Dr. switched her over to a "non-habit" forming adhd med, and then back to a different stimulant adhd med and then stopped all together. They started switching up her meds around last July-August, and booM! She started exhibiting different symptoms of withdrawal. At the time, I had no idea that stimulant ADHD meds could cause withdrawals so we thought she was just going through pre-teen phases. But her behavior starting changing, and then she started having hallucinations and delusions. Hearing voices, seeing "shadow people...very scary stuff for an 11 year old. I know this is an antidepressant forum, but I was wondering if anyone here has experience with ADHD withdrawals, or if someone could point me to a message board similar to this one? She has started cutting herself and has had suicidal thoughts. I believe she is having delusions of incidences happening in the home that she has reported to the school counselor. So, now dfcs is involved and has required her to see a psychiatrist at "their" hospital. They are now prescribing her Risperdal and Trileptal. One is for treating bipolar disorder and the other is for seizures. Prior to stopping her ADHD medicine, she never exhibited signs of any mental health issues. Just ADHD. They recently tried a bipolar med for 2 weeks last month and took her off since it did not help. They have not officially diagnosed her as bipolar and she's never had a seizure, but the physicians assistant decided to prescribe and treat her anyway for these things. If they dont do what the Dr. tells them, dfcs steps in and will try to intervene and possibly remove her from her home. I know without a doubt this is adhd stimulant withdrawals, so it's easy to assume that it's just like SSRI withdrawals...but I am not educated enough on it. My sister (her mom) has been grasping at straws trying to figure out what's going on, and in my gut I had a feeling what it was. I came across something with a little more information on it (the above link), and I believe I finally have her convinced that her daughter isn't sick...she's just going through pretty much exactly what I've been going through, minus the hallucinations and delusions. Sorry that was long! Any ideas on where to go from here? Is this also a wait and heal type of thing? I told her they need to take her off those new meds immediately, but it's a sticky situation. We all feel completely helpless. I absolutely feel that I HAVE to speak for her on her behalf and protect her from the white coats before they make things worse. They are already trying to treat symptoms instead of doing their due diligence and ask the right questions. It's all right under their noses, I just cant believe they are this naive about withdrawals. Thanks in advance for any help!
  20. I thought I would make a post here. I was sectioned in august 2016 in a way that caused me huge trauma. ( I never should have been medicated as I never needed it and was in withdrawal from weed) I got out 3 weeks later after being a 'good boy' I 2mg risperidone for two weeks then they upped it to 4mg when I told them the other patients were talking about me. BIG MISTAKE. I felt like a piece of lead in my body, energy, breathing, mind, emotions, cognitive abilities and MY WORLD just felt sinking into void not what it once was I was 'gone'. As Alan Watts says and made me go though this stage faster 'who are you really?' I know this was true as who the ***** was I ? This sh*tty chemical had made me feel a spark of my former self who you are afraid to let ignite and warm your whole being from its true and familiar glow. I got home and kept waking with intense huge panics in the morning waking in shock like my whole being couldnt comprehed the torture this so called 'mental health' system had endured on me. I felt like I had a Nelson Mandela imprisonment level of psyche trauma rolled into a few blurry weeks. I researched the 'medication' and it caused me huge panic and terror. I quickly tapered in around 2 months and finished around november 2016 after tapering to nothing. It was a scary journey, I maybe tapered slightly too fast but my feelings were I wanted to get this crap out of my system as soon as possible with out cold turkey. I felt the worst I ever felt in my life, feelings of akathasia and anhedonia and fear of 'relapsing' fear of how evil these crazy quacks were who prescribed this poison. Disgust at the world. Disgust at how we glorify a 'free equal society' in ways like 'ahhh we are not racist' anymore - look we got a black president. Or had. So many bull **** distractions from real hidden atrocities in this world. Ohhh it makes my blood boil!!! Except we treat people who have unusual mental experiences with 'magic medications' and near psychic psychiatry with their lists of symptoms but no evidenced physical test for diagnosis. Yes I felt bitter and numb to the world and still do. We blame them for things in the media we make teach our kids to be afraid of them when the real people to be afraid of nowadays are really your teachers or doctors who can push bull **** meds onto the poor kids and teens. Although lately I have been choosing hope and letting its fire burn and light my own soul afire again. In the hope one day the people who are responsible for these mal practices will be put to justice. The more powerful good peoples sons daughters fathers mothers get caught in this sick web will make us stronger. With greed you can only carry so much profit, liability, food before the stomach bursts like all bubbles do! That is my belief. Any how I have been around 3 months free of Risperidone. I have felt at least 75% of the time numb and a whirlwind of horrible fearful dark feelings on top of this. Just numb, like my old life is dead where do I go from here type of mantra of feeling. When its quite on a bad day it is also quite and my mind completely quite unless doing something. Can you relate? I used to meditate to get to this quite but this is like a chemical quite? Or a fear that it is a chemical silence in my head. Maybe its just a fear of the worst but the fact is some times I have read of guys with the same description of feelings. The anhedonia is the worst. I have inner akathasia also although I don't pace the house anymore like a zombie. My sleep pattern is always changing aswell. Sleeping though the day for 12-14 hours some times. Some times 10pm to 9 am. I watched a program on the placebo effect last night and I realised it is little more than believing in magic. If it works it just means magic is just a science or technology that we have not discovered yet. I really do believe prayer, ecstatic dance, HOPE FOR HUMANITY and healing of your self all work and are true. I believe that these drugs really are evil and a form of torture and human rights abuses invented to push people to the dark side and go mad with its horrendous side effects to just profit out of them. I say this because the treatment I got from the mental health service in the UK made my state of mind go 1000% worse or more..... Any way I just wanted to say the past day I watched a few nice films and also these videos of stray dogs in India getting rescued and cared for and the transformation is a miracle. After feeling in a place where I feel I cant trust anyone any more for most of the past 6 months those dogs really made me feel love and hope. I noticed when I have a really numb anhedonic and miserable day I go to bed and some times have dreams where it is like I feel all the emotions I did before all this happened or its just the deepest layer of me which is running and flying in those dreams joyfully and it gives me some hope that atleast I feel good some times in my dreams when I am in a bad window or wave. Do you guys relate? Some times I get dreams that I am being chased and I used to wake up terrified of these some times before taking these crap medications. Now because I have felt real terror being put in hospital and chased by police and put in some horrible cage like 72 hour confinement we have here in the UK. I don't feel this fear anymore. I actually have little fear of death and 'scary things' I fear the most not helping get this tragedy put to the light. It is like I am more strong in front of the evil real crazy people in the world.... I am also very close to writing a book on a topic known as topical steroid withdrawal. Which is the same thing as withdrawal from anti psychotics except its for the treatment of 'skin condition' where the hydrocortisone actually causes flare ups stronger and stronger when you stop taking them. I also want to write books on this kind of withdrawal and say my story and tips. As well as a conspiracy theorist type book. I am rambling.... I also felt like I was reborn and everything was new to me even though I knew it was not. It was like the changes chemically and from trauma made me react to everything differently or I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Or be happy or angry I was feeling so many things at once which were also numbed or were they? I mean who knows who can measure it? Its like a psychic raping and trauma caused by the mental health system. I often wonder and believe I was suffering PTSD as the first few months I was really depersonalised and derelised like the world were full of robots going around all smiley while the ******* world is going to ****!!!! This has decreased hugely, I felt in limbo or something it was very weird and scary. I feel like I went through a crawling stage mentally then a toddler and I am now seeing the first days of teenager today. I FEEL ANGRY HAPPY AND REBELLIOUS although I wont tell my CBT worker this as she may try to say I am bi polar as I keep having small windows of anger and happiness then numbness and crying.... The thing that triggered this beautiful window for me was listening to Kerrang Radio station you know the teenager rebellious skater music. I used to love this music then I went in to old school rock , blues, jazz, funk and 'real music' This raw skater type Linkin Park, Papa Roach, Nickelback type 90s and early 00s music was a big part of my high school years I some what loathed and loved. I also recommend staying mad at the man! Never lose hope as we will see these sick fu cks put to justice and revenge will be sweet. I was laughing hugely also as I felt there is a 'crazier' guy out there that everyone loves in Alex Jones on Joe Rogan show. The latest episode is amazing I suggest you watch it. I feel a lot of hope from it. Tell me what you think guys if you can relate to anything.. I will try to post on my feelings and keep you updated. Also I took a break from ashwaghanda and then used it last night and maybe it has helped? Your friend Peter Oh and thai massage helps open great windows some times. I also plan to do a course of 2 weeks every day acupuncture and I will report the results here. Its gota be non detoxing and non stimulating I heard on here? A calming treatment? Thanks!
  21. Hello everyone, it's been a while.. Last year, I was in the Introductions forum and asking for advice on how to taper off Risperdal, as well as questions on what Lexapro might have done to me. My doctor, and the people around me, pushed me to taper off quicker, so.. I tapered off Risperdal as per my doctor's instructions. Meaning I began at 0.5mg, went down to 0.25mg, and then, several months later... down to 0mg. May 5 2016 marks the date that I went down to 0mg. I felt great again for quite a while. I was more active than i'd ever been, traversing around the country and socializing with friends. And that lasted for months. But my life was full of stressful factors... and it got more and more stressful... and I felt very anxious... and eventually, at the peak of it all... I got taken to the hospital by ambulance due to a sudden heart rhythm attack, which got diagnosed as Superventricular Tachycardia (SVT)... Basically, my heart went above 200BPM, and didn't snap back into it's normal rhythm... this caused various symptoms that required immediate medical attention (next to the SVT itself) I've had this earlier in life too, but back then, the SVT would stop in a few minutes. I didn't know what it was back then, and people assumed I was hyperventilating, or that it was a panic attack. But this time, it didn't stop and I had to be taken away with an ambulance. Now i've been wondering if this might be related to the risperdal and/or lexapro somehow... I've searched the net a bit, and found out that Tachycardia is a fairly common side effect.. I'm not completely sure whether it is related, but I now know that there is a chance that it is.. I also know anxiety/panic and SVT are interrelated. What do I do?... Is there a chance I will ever heal from that tachycardia, IF it is medicine-induced? The doctors say it was most likely there since birth and I would need an operation to remove it, but I am not 100% sure.... I have experienced the symptoms earlier in life, yes, but only after I got on risperdal.... I don't remember any heart palpitations before that... though that may also be because I was very young when I got put on risperdal (we're talking around 12 years old) And is there a way to find out whether this tachycardia is the result of risperdal?..
  22. Sky320

    Have been on multiple anti-psychotic drugs for the past 8 years. Had a nervous breakdown, was put on anti-psychotic. Tried coming off before knowing any better. Now on Risperdal Consta 37.5mg. Want to switch to Risperidone tablets or liquid. Have lost all emotions, become lifeless and constantly tired. Want to get my life back. Read on the forum about switch. Would 37.5 mg injection be equivalent to 3mg tablets or 3ml liquid started 5 weeks after last injection? Has anyone successfully made a switch and tapered off Risperdal? Thank you for any help. Also does anyone know of a good doctor in NJ who may be able to help?
  23. hello,everybody. im verygrateful i found this site.it is so informative and helpful. can anyone give as many tips for coming of/tapering from risperidone? I currently take 2mg of risperidone and i have seen my doctor and she has agreed to allow me to taper from the drug. Any reccomendations in terms of diet,sleep and rest would be grateful especially in response to the withdrawal period. Im eating well and including good nutrition in my diet such as beans,meat fish, eggs and plenty of vegetables as well as plenty of complex carbohydrates.My diet is not restrictive. I also drink milk. I also now eat alot of good fats like coconut oil,omega 3. I eat a very nutritious diet and im aware that diet is very important. I also know that sleep deprivation is something to be aware of and that i need to sleep well and sleep long enough. I also make sure i rest. i do yoga, aqua aerobics and pilates so i do activities that are helping my mind and well being. My living situation is very good and i feel safe though i live on my own. i dont smoke,i dont drink any form of alcohol, and i dont drink fizzy drinks. i also dont drink tea or coffeee. I drink herbal teas. Any useful information that offers more clarity and insight would be very beneficial as well as supportive. Thank you Celery
  24. Risperdal Legos - seen in many pediatrician offices around the country. This is a great historical account of Risperdal and how Johnson & Johnson broke laws to make and market this drug: America's Most Admired Lawbreaker Note: Click on the middle icon on the left of the screen and it will open the contents page. There are 14 chapters in total. There's also a timeline on the left where you can get Johnson & Johnson's historical data from 1886 to 2015. Recently in the news is the story of Johnson & Johnson being given an ethics award. "Should a drug company that’s agreed to pay billions in criminal and civil fines for illegally marketing its drugs to children and dementia patients be honored with an ethics prize?" Ever feel like the world is spinning backwards?
  25. this is my attempt to create an anti-risperidone movement and an anti AP movement. i've seen too much lives being destroyed by these drugs. follow my twitter account @AntiRisperdal i'm gonna do what i can. i hope the moderators allow this post.

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