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Found 5 results

  1. ADMIN NOTE Also see: Emotional numbness on and off drugs Creating a new self after withdrawal Post by BrassMonkey How many of you, apart from the whole gamut of other symptoms, are suffering from emotional numbness as of present? How does it manifest in your case?
  2. Good Day, I wish I could say that my withdrawal symptoms from quitting Lexapro are the worst, but quitting Xanax takes that title. I have been off Xanax for two years and six months. The first day was the worst, the first year was the worst, and I am not feeling any Xanax issues now except waking up in a cold sweat every night since 2014. Anyway, I have not looked back or taken Xanax ever again. During that entire ordeal, I was still on Lexapro. I didn't quit it also because I didn't want to do too much at once. I finally quit Lexapro on the 25th of Dec 2016. Side note: To help me quit Xanax, I was put on Seroquel and Neurontin at rehab, and I gained 20kgs in 6 months which I am still trying to lose. I have lost half of it, but for some reason, my metabolism is no longer the same. I can't lose weight after rehab. I quit Seroquel cold turkey and tapered off Nuerontin. I took it for about six months and stopped when the weight piled on. Back to why I am here: The first month after quitting Lexapro was alright. Just brain zaps and nothing else really. I thought, "Wow! Quitting these antidepressants is very easy! I should have done it earlier." I was basing my experience on Xanax, which is harder at the beginning and easier with time. I didn't expect things to begin falling apart later, and boy are they falling apart. Month two drug free was also not too bad, but it was filled with episodes of sadness. Month three became worse than month two, and I felt withdrawn and my lust for life started disappearing again. Month four was worse than month three and I felt myself losing more joy, being darker than I have ever been. Month five, my current situation, is a hot mess! My anxiety is back, my depression is back, and actually they are back and worse than ever. My obsessive thoughts are back. Oh, and my sexual urges are back, after years of thinking that I might be asexual. The problem is, my sexual urges are disconnected from my emotions, so as horny as I am, I still don't feel like having sex with my husband, and the whole thing is making me panic for several reasons. My insomnia is back. I am weepy and frustrated. My pessimism is back. I hate life right now. My face is braking out and for this last week, I have been unable to eat so I also feel awful due to that, I am sure. I could go on for days about how awful I feel right now. I have not left bed for a week! I have made music though. Actually, I started having the urge and will to create music around month 3 of quitting. Before that, I though I would never make music again. So, there are pros and cons to this quitting, more cons than pros though, currently. I was thinking of going back on Lexapro when I happened on this website. I have now changed my mind. I thought I was just getting worse and worse until I end up committing suicide, however from the posts I have read, it gets better apparently, and none of my torture is unusual. I was suppose to start a family this year but now I have doubts. I would wait a year but I am 35 in three months so... I am taking, and have been for over a year, Magnesium (a high dose), Iron Fumarate (I have severe anemia), Vitamin C (a very high dose), Probiotics, L-Theanine, Vitamin B Complex and Vitamin B12 on top, 5HTP and Valerian, camomile tea when I have the strength to make it. Mood: Very Blue. Like in the pic.
  3. Dear Soldiers in the Fight Against Antidepressants and Benzos, December 25th 2017 marked a year without any AD and just over 3 years without Xanax, and it seems to me that quitting Lexapro was tougher than quitting Xanax, probably because I was still on other medication when I quit Xanax. I can't say that 2017 was fun. In fact, it was one of the toughest years I have ever experienced, second only to the years following my sexual assault by 5 men when I was sixteen (I'm 35 now). I was so tempted to go back and just take the meds again. The temptation was made even harder by the fact that doctors were throwing these drugs at me all year, and each and every time I had to refuse profusely and tell them that I am not taking ADs anymore. *sigh* Doctors are very disappointing. We fear illicit drug dealers but we should fear the legal drug dealers more because we have been conditioned to accept their advice as infallible due to their qualifications, not considering the fact that they are either corrupt or ignorant of the drugs they dispense to us. Anyway... I digress. I went through it all in 2017. I travelled all over the world, seeing beautiful islands, going to beautiful places, being with the most wonderful man in the world, but derived no pleasure from anything. It was an apathetic year, and apathy is worse than pain sometimes, although logically you would think otherwise. Then, 8 months after all this emptiness, I fell pregnant, and only now, in January 2018, I am starting to feel a bit more joy peering through the cracks of my grey, dreary and lifeless soul. I can't say that quitting is beneficial right now, but I can say that I have seen an improvement a little. For example, 5 months after quitting, everything came back, anxiety, insomnia, depression, and disatisfaction, all expressing itself though apathy. Then the slump lasted for another few months until I got pregnant, and then I became slightly more upbeat, less fatigued and more present. Then in November I started to feel again, crying for the first time, laughing for the first time, libido up for the first time (only a little), and basically being bombarded by being human. Now, it is more of experiencing ups and downs than total darkness. So, it is improving. I had to stop taking supplements since I became pregnant, and I struggled with sleep a lot at first, then it got better, and now it is back to weird sleeping patterns but I sleep enough at least. Maybe the hormone surge of pregnancy is helping, but I definitely am better off than before. I just wanted to share this with the forum because I wouldn't have even dared to venture into quitting and sticking to it without this community. Also, I want to convey the fact that it gets easier but it is not an easy, quick path. I have come to terms that this journey is probably going to take me 10 years to see the true light of day judging by my progress, but as long as it improves, I am willing to slug though it. Thank you, and Happy New Year to Everyone.
  4. Anyone know how to distinguish between amotivational syndrome while on SSRIs vs. poop out—especially in atypical depression? I've always suffered from atypical depression, with fatigue and loss of motivation being key symptoms during depression episodes. SSRIs helped even me out emotionally, but they never did much for my energy levels which was always my main complaint (and in fact, looking back, I think they contributed to my fatigue and lack of vitality). Now I'm considering the last 3 or so years I was on Prozac. I came off it mainly because I wanted to get pregnant, but also I knew the pills simply weren't helping me. I work from home, and was doing all of it from bed. I had no motivation to pursue creative hobbies that I used to love or to get out with friends. Plus, I had zero energy. I let my house get out of control. I just didn't seem to care about anything—even my career, despite the fact that I've always been ambitious. I wasn't depressed. There were no feelings of hopelessness or sadness. Nothing really bothered me. My husband said it felt like I was in my own closed off dream world. Now that I'm dealing with withdrawal, it's the complete opposite. Before, I didn't have a care in the world (although I should have), and now I'm anxious about everything! It's like I'm finally awake to my life, but now I'm overreacting to everything to the point that I'm such a mess I can't do anything constructive! I think what I experienced on the last years on the meds sounds like amotivational syndrome. But some of the symptoms of that overlap with atypical depression. So is it possible that, instead, I was suffering from SSRI tolerance or poop-out? How do I tell the difference? I wonder, because amotivational syndrome is supposed to go away when you take away the drug. But if it was due to poop-out, I'm wondering how that might effect what I can expect in withdrawal.
  5. My apathy and inability to care about anything makes me too docile and easily abused by others. I have always been a nice guy, the kind of guy that seems easily abused, but I have always had enough self-love to stop people abusing me, like whenever I saw that someone was socially abusing me in whatever, I knew how to defend myself. I had something inside me to prevent me from being abused. Now the prozac-induced apathy/indifference has made me very very easy to abuse, because I just don't care. Yesterday I was with my friends, and I noticed that I was paying more than them for a shared dinner, and that is something that I would have been pissed off in the past, but yesterday I simply didn't care and I just paid more. Also, some of my friends tend to be a bit abusive sometimes to get what they want. Yesterday one of my friends liked one good-looking girl that we didn't know and he told me to go there and talk to her and then introduce him to her, because he didn't dare to go alone. That's something that I wouldn't do so easily, because I know he wouldn't do that for me, but yesterday I went there and introduced that beautiful girl to him because I just didn't care. The girl liked me more than him and wanted to talk with me (I am more attractive than him, sorry if I sound arrogant, but its just true) but I let them talking alone because I didn't care. If I didn't get paid in a part-time job that I am doing now while finishing my university degree, I wouldn't care. Someone could come and steal me my almost done engineering university degree and I probably wouldn't care neither. Someone could insult me, or said to me absolutely whatever without making me feel bad. He could even punch me in the face, and I think I wouldn't care at all. If I knew for sure that this is temporary and that in for example 6 months I will regain my ability to care, then it would be ok. But I just don't want to stay like this forever
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