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Found 7 results

  1. Moderator note: Link to GregoryReboot's benzo thread - GregoryReboot: Switching from Clonazepam to Diazepam? Hey Everyone. 3 months ago I finished my taper off of SSRIs. The agony I have gone through is well appreciated by this group. That’s why I’m here. There are still days I wonder if I can make it BUT I am also getting to the point though where it is hard to imagine “going back” (on SSRIs). I am getting some “glimmers” of hope. I have good days or even multiple days. I smelled a candle last night and couldn’t believe how rich it smelled. A song with sounds you can “feel”. Beautiful. All my senses were dulled on antidepressants. I didn’t even realize it and had just gotten so used to it. Now I feel things again. Sure sometimes that feels like way too much BUT I’m starting to think it’s worth those bad “waves” to get my brain and emotions back. Having a good day today. Hope you all are too. I’m taking some time off work to get my head back and heal through some of this build up. I’m overwhelmed by my life but am happy to be “back in it”! Any encouragement or wisdom is welcome. One of the lingering symptoms for me is sleep. I am getting better but still waking up too early and restless and racing.
  2. Moderator note: link to Waterfall's members-only benzo thread - Waterfall: What dose to try now: Taking Clonazepam on AD withdrawal Wow. I feel nervous. Like I've just stepped out onto a big stage. With big lights. And the crowd beyond the edge, of the lights, of the stage, is all fuzzy and indistinct, sitting out there in the dark. Is this microphone on? I chose Waterfall for my name, because it's one of those things that can be seen from so many different perspectives. A waterfall can be seen as a wonderful thing of beauty. It can also be seen as destructive, a changing force. It can be a small trickle. I can also be a torrent. They can bring life sustaining water, or they can bring a flood. Some of the greatest waterfalls are considered some of natures greatest wonders. But close up they can also be noisy and wet. It's all in how you look at it. And which waterfall you meet. Anyway. Me. Who am I? Well. A waterfall. Pretty in my own way. And also messy. Changed by the floods and droughts of life. I'm also philosophical, apparently. And I talk a lot. Especially when I am nervous. I've struggled with anxiety since I was 5, or so I'm told. It's been there as long as I can remember. The details blur over the years, but I think the first time I also struggled with depression, that I'm aware of, was in my teens. I've always struggled. Always wondered why I felt so broken compared to everyone else. And why everything seemed extra hard for me. I was first prescribed Wellbutrin as a teen. I no longer remember what I told that doctor. Whether it was more about anxiety. Or depression. But I didn't take it. I was next prescribed Prozac when I was pregnant with my first child, at 21. I didn't take it then either. I first actually took something when I was in my twenties, I took Wellbutrin for 6-9 months. I no longer remember exactly. But other than feeling euphoric about doing something, when I first started it, I never noticed any other change. And since I wasn't supposed to take it and be pregnant, I quit, cold turkey, to become pregnant with my second child in 2010. I have always thought that I felt no symptoms after stopping. None. But now I wonder. I started a downturn in my health mid-pregnancy, beginning a sudden flare up of something akin to eczema or atopic dermatitis, in response to a cream that I had previously never reacted to. In the following months, I reacted to just about everything. Ever soap or cream or perfume I touched. I continued to struggle with general feelings of ill health, for the next several years, until I was pregnant with my 4th in 2014. The whole pregnancy was really tough. I had been pregnant three times before, but this... this time was complete misery. I told myself to survive until the baby was born. And he was. And I crashed. Hard. Really hard. I panicked. And couldn't sleep. And couldn't stay calm. And I was weak. And shaky. And so after a bit of trial and error, they put me on Clonazapam and Citalopram near the end of the year. I used the Clonazapam for a few weeks while they slowly upped the Citalopram to 40 mg. And there I stayed. It was still a struggle for quite some time, but I slowly improved. In 2016, I moved. Spring 2017, I felt like I was slipping again. Slowly feeling worse and worse, and afraid, because I was already on drugs, what would I do if I crashed now? So I went to see a different doctor. She started me on Gaba. And a few other supplements to help with sleep and general health. And then, oh, clever me, I stopped citalopram. In June. Cold turkey. Stupid. I know. I don't know anymore what I was thinking. I only remember that I thought it was a really good idea at the time. And it wasn't a planned thing. I'd missed renewing my prescription, so I hadn't taken it for about a week, so I consulted with this new doctor, and asked her if it made sense to just keep not taking it. She agreed. Gave me a prescription anyway, in case I needed some again, or if I couldn't handle it. I never took any. After that I had a decent summer. I thought all was well. I still struggled, but considering that I can't remember not struggling. Ever. I thought on the whole I was doing pretty good. Kept busy, for me anyway. I've never been able to be as busy as most people seem to be. But we went to the beach a few times. Visits to the splash pad. Some quiet days at home. Somewhere in there the new doctor started me on something called MoodRx that apparently has St. John's Wort in it. Apparently couldn't start that until I had been long enough off of the citalopram. Spent the end of the summer getting lots of veggies and berries into the freezer. Started to get a bit stressed about a visit from the in-laws. Turned my house upside-down in anticipation of their visit. And they came. And all was going well. I felt on top of the world. And then. And then I crashed. Hard. Again. Sept 18. I was spending the day with the kids and my in-laws. First I felt a bit off. But I soldiered on. I panicked in the grocery store. Felt super nauseated. But I calmed down again. Struggled off and on throughout the day until school pick-up for the kids off the bus. Then I lost it. Panicked. And couldn't calm down. Felt absolutely horrible. And I've been struggling hard ever since. Sometimes I think I'm starting to feel better. Other times I think I feel worse than ever. When it first happened, I went to the doctor a lot. We stopped the St. John's Wort stuff. Still not sure if I was having a bad reaction to it, or not. I also stopped, over time, taking everything else. At this point, the only thing I'm taking is 0.25mg of citalopram each morning, just to help me to survive. And I'm starting to try to take some vitamins and minerals again, in the hopes that it will help with some of the symptoms. At this point what makes the most sense to me, particularly in light of what I have read on this site, is that I'm suffering from withdrawal from the citalopram that I stopped back in June. And possibly made worse by a reaction to the St. John's Wort. But I really don't know what' going on. I'm scared. And I just wish I knew what was going on, and what the right thing to do was. One of the biggest things I struggle with is the fear and panic. My biggest trigger is health and physical symptoms. If I had read this site first, maybe I'd have done things differently. I like to think I would have. I also periodically have crying binges, where I just can't seem to help crying, and crying, and crying. And I'm not one who normally cries a lot. But once I've cried for a while, it seems to pass again. I've had some of the darkest, most depressed thoughts. About everything being hopeless. And pointless. Sometimes I just get irritable. One of the other major symptoms is a chest pain I have. They've already listened to my heart. Checked my blood pressure. I've had a general blood work-up twice in the last year. Once this past spring, and once last fall. Nothing came up. My iron isn't low. My blood sugar level is fine. My heart enzymes are good. But my chest hurts. This last week, my heart has started a sort of swoony/weird/almost like a flutter but not really kinda feeling. And this morning I woke up with pain in my back and neck and arm and chest. The worst I've had yet. I could barely get up this morning and I almost couldn't turn my neck. Sometimes when I did, it felt like someone was stabbing in my ear, or in my throat or chest bone. I also struggle with lot of numbness and tingling in my hands and feet. And sometimes my muscles all hurt. And sometimes my joints hurt. And I feel weak. And sometimes shaky. And did I mention panicky? And emotional? Sometimes my vision seems a little funny. Or my hearing. But it comes and then goes quickly. And is gone again. I've developed a cough, and I'm scared because I had bronchitis and strep throat 2 or 3 times last year. And that was still on the meds. And how could I forget the heart pounding? Oh, I have lots of heart pounding. Sometimes I do things, and nothing happens. But so often when I stand up. Or go up the stairs. Or wake up in the morning. Or lie down at night, my heart pounds. And pounds. I don'y know what's causing what. I just want to feel better. I've seen several different doctors. I've also seen a couple different therapists. Mostly they say there is nothing at all wrong with me, except in my head. One told me maybe it was lyme disease. Or maybe not. My main doctor wants me back on more drugs. The second lady I saw recently also wanteed me back on citalopram. I tried. I can't. If I take it. Even one 10mg pill, no matter what time of day, I wake up the following morning, early, panicking, and burning/tingling from head to toe. So my main doctor wants me to try another antidepressant. I don't want more drugs, but I'm not sure I can do without them. I just don't know what to do. Today was one of the roughest days yet. I'm in pain, and I'm panicky, and depressed and it all feels so hopeless. Since 2014, when I saw someone who gave me, for the first time, a diagnosis, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and prescription, after which I improved, my husband now believes that's the answer. My brain is broken, and I need drugs. Don't I see it? That's the only answer. So he's always pushing me to take more drugs. Take more of the clonazapam. Go back on citalopram. Get a new prescription. Just take something already! But I don't want to. Most days i can make it through with only the one Clonzapam. And that's it. But I am having a tough time. I've tried different diet options. I've tired a few different supplements. I just don't know what else to do. I don't know who's ideology to follow. So like I said. Right now, I'm taking 0.25mg Clonazapam every morning. Just to survive the day. And I don't eat dairy, or use any perfume, in order to keep the reactions in my skin to a minimum. I'm trying to take a multivitamin , plus vitamin D, a vitamin B complex, and a multi mineral. I'm most afraid of this chest/neck/back/arm pain right now. I could really use some encouragement and some help deciding which course of action to take. I've done some reading on here already and found some helpful stuff. I'm just wondering what people might have to say that's specific to my case. Feel free to point out specific threads on here that people have already written that may be helpful. And in advance, thank you. Whatever you have to offer, thank you. It's been really tough, and I can use every little bit of help I can get. And to all of you who have struggled and are struggling, I wish you all the best. I wish you health and strength. Some of you are amazing, what you've been through, or are going through, and still making it through the day, I applaud you. Some of the stuff you've dealt with sounds so much worse than what I'm dealing with. I only wish I could be half as tough as some of you are. Keep on keeping on.
  3. Juanita: Australia

    Hi, my name is Juanita from Australia. Swapped over to prozac to do a withdrawal over a year ago and have become so apathetic and feeling fearful and paranoid I can no longer leave my lounge chair. I also have to come off rivotril or clonazapam at least half. I am 63 years old and have been on benzos and antidepressants since I was 22 with 8 attempts to get off these drugs at various times during my life but only for brief periods before I restarted their use. I now have supports in place and am about to attempt reducing and eventually getting off these drugs. I would love to know of anyone around my age who has been able to get off these drugs either or both, as I could certainly use the support. I have pulmonary hypertension and have had blood clots and this is making it more scary because I know you can get a racing heart coming off these drugs.
  4. Fair warning: my journey revolves around PMDD (my menstruation cycle). If this is not your cup of tea, turn back now. Hi! I'm so happy to be here! Here's the short version of my story... I was misdiagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder when in fact I had PMDD. At first, the symptoms were bearable, but after my last child, everything changed. Suddenly, I was not able to make myself or my children food, not showering, not able to pick my kids up from school. Not only that but my self-esteem was shot and anxiety soaring, and I had about one week a month where I could gather myself back up and try to heal before everything started all over again. This went on for over three years. I was completely broken. During all of this, my Psych started throwing meds at me to see what would stick. Unfortunately, nothing would work, and I ended up on 6 meds for depression and anxiety. Finally, I had had enough and approached my Psych and my Gyn about a full hysterectomy and BSO (ovary removal) to stop the fluctuation in my hormones. By this time I had tried all methods of care ranging from DBT to exercise, birth control to relaxation techniques, and so much more. Anyway, I had the surgery, and I felt (and feel) amazing. Like I had been missing out on living. Unfortunately, I was still stuck on all six meds. And so began the titration. I began titrating risperidone at the beginning of 2015. It is important to me to get off this med because I believe it to be the most dangerous. I started at 1 mg, and currently, I am at 0.18 mg. I am taking a break on my titration but intend to jump after my summer vacation and be done with this demon of a drug once and for all. Here is a list of my other meds: Morning: Zoloft 200 mg Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Lorazepam 0.5 mg and 0.375 mg ( also take around 3 pm) Night: Clonazepam 1 mg Trazadone 50 mg Risperidone 0.18 mg (liquid) StuckOnMeds
  5. 'm new to the forum and feel like I've found a place where I can get some well informed answers. You all seem amazing! I'm trying to taper off Buspar (25mg- 5 weeks) and clonazapam (7 weeks - made it to .25 mg and am stuck). Which should I do first? I just read on this forum about tapering off ADs before Benzos and wonder what holds true for Buspar? I know Buspar affects seratonin in some way, but don't understand the mechanism and know it's different than ADs so maybe I should go for the Benzo first? While I have not been on them very long, it is clear to me that for some odd reason I have an extremely sensitive nervous system. I tried to go off the benzo twice and failed miserably. I had horrible incapacitating symptoms (I was on Ativan for 3 weeks and cold turkey-ed off at my doctors insistence which was a huge mistake) Then she switched me to clonazapam and after getting more stable i was able to go down from .5mg). My doc and psychiatrist are pushing Zoloft or lexapro and doesn't believe these symptoms are due to withdrawal but i really feel that I am stable now (had a stressful event in Aug/Sept which is gone and felt good at the start of Oct) and just anxious about the tapering down and withdrawal symptoms since both times I tried to stop they were so incredibly traumatic. Psychiatrist told me To just stop Buspar cold turkey but there is no way. I've tried reducing the dose by 10% the past 2 nights and it's been rough- not like the benzo but I can tell it isn't going to be easy. (Super nauseous and increased anxiety, physical symptoms). I've got more background but wanted to keep it shorter! Thanks for thoughts about which one to stop first!
  6. Hi All, I'm in dire straits. Trying so hard to wean off of klonopin. Was at a high of 2 mgs for a month or so, after starting down this horrible road back in November of 2013 ("1 mg - as needed"). This eventually turned into 1-1.5 mgs "as needed" which was just about every day. Currently stuck at 1.25 mgs with too many physical and mental symptoms to list. My first sign of tolerance - slight ringing in the ears - began in January 2015. The docs told me it was just stress. Had a complete breakdown in late May 2015 and was bumped up to 2 mgs of klonopin and also 25-then-50 mgs of zoloft. That's when the insomnia kicked in. Gradually weaned off the zoloft by mid-August, while also dropping back down to 1.5 mgs klonopin. Within a couple weeks I was down to 1.25 klonopin. Then back up to 1.35 for 6 weeks (symptoms got a little better), and now stuck at 1.25 for the past month and suffering miserably. Somehow still working, but barely, and only because I have a family to support. In summary: due to the improvement is sleep once Zoloft was removed, I likely tapered the klonopin too aggressively in the beginning. As mentioned above, I've been holding at 1.25 for a month now. Never really stable throughout the entire process. Working with a compounding pharmacy to provide 3 equal doses per day. Not sure what to do, other than hold at this dose, pray for some stability, and then start reducing *very* gradually. Others have mentioned a crossover to valium (Ashton method), thinking that perhaps klonopin is just too difficult for my body and brain to heal from. Stuck and miserable and afraid.
  7. Hello Everyone, I'm so grateful for this site, everyone on it and all the valuable information here. I've been reading SA for the last 3 months, but I have just now gotten up the courage to post. I'm currently trying to taper off of 1.7 mgs of risperdal and .25 mgs of clonazapam that I've been on since November 2013. However my history with psych drugs goes back 13 years when I was put on Paxil for depression. One drug led to another and another and another and I found myself hospitalized multiple times along the way (please see my signature). I experienced what I consider to be psych drug induced psychosis several times which has left me bitter and angry at psychiatry but I am trying to find ways to dispel those feelings as I taper so that my body, mind and spirit can heal. Unfortunately, time is not on my side. In about two years my husband and I will be selling our home and moving to another state. I am terrified at the thought of being in withdrawal leading up to, during and after the move. From reading this site, Beyond Meds, and my own instincts I know that risperdal is a monster of a drug to withdrawal from as is clonazapam. It's clear that going very, very slowly is key but as I mentioned above life is going to get pretty crazy in about two years. Right now I am exhausted all the time, I experience mild depression and flashes of anger that seem to come out of nowhere and I have to force myself to do just about everything. Supplements are not an option for me as I tried everything from mag to omega 3s to amino acids to herbs and on, and on. Everything seems to be too stimulating or makes me feel otherwise out of it. Food, too is and issue of sensitivity, but I've made a concerted effort to pay attention to my body and what certain foods do to me. I've pretty much eliminated sugar, as it now makes me feel like I'm speeding, yet depressed. It appears that wheat and some of the other grains make me feel angry. Again, thank you so much Alto for starting this site and to all the people who contribute. What a wealth of information and support!
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