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Found 27 results

  1. Well, here it goes. I was on Zoloft for 8 years following a year of intense anxiety after my 1st son was born. I generally felt good on Zoloft, though I would have blips in which I would up or lower my dose and I would balance back out. For the majority of the 8 years I was on 50mgs (the "lowest" dose according to my doctor). Well almost exactly a year ago I was doing so well, and figured since I was on the "lowest" dose I would simply stop taking it. Felt a little weird (light-headed, tearing up for no reason, spacey) for about 3 weeks, then I felt normal. Had a great holiday season with my family and so happy to be off meds and doing well. I started to feel a little bit of an anxiety blip at the end of February and figured I would be proactive and resume my 50 mgs of Zoloft for the rest of the winter, then get off again in the spring or summer...then disaster struck. I woke up the next morning with my mind racing, feeling like adrenal glands had been switched to overdrive, and 10 months later, I still haven't been able to turn them down. From the 1st night of taking the Zoloft I have not had a day without a huge wave on anxiety hitting me at some point. For most of these 10 months I have been waking at 4-5 AM with anxiety bordering or exceeding panic. Since I was prescribed the Zyprexa, I still wake feeling "keyed up" but it is not as bad and not as early (usually don't wake til 7 or 7:30AM). I was on the Zoloft for 6 weeks, being told that it can increase anxiety at the start, but then it will subside and I will go back to normal. When that didn't happen at 6 weeks I was told Lexapro works faster and is better for anxiety anyway...so I started it. One week at 5mgs then 10mgs for 7 weeks. When that didn't help I decided "enough of these meds, I have never had anxiety this bad, I will just get off." Well unfortunately my month off of Lexapro was no better, still waking early, still having extreme anxiety, wondering what the heck had happened to me. I was talked into giving Paxil a try by my doctor saying "it was the least activating" of the SSRIs and it could actually help me sleep...I didn't and I really felt no different on it than the other two. After two months of Paxil and feeling no better the doctor decided I just hadn't got to a "therapeutic" dose of Paxil for my severe anxiety, so he recommended going up to 40 and then if no improvement 60 on Paxil, in the meantime he gave me Zyprexa to help sleep and morning panic. To be honest I have been better since August, I am assuming the Zyprexa is calming down my overactive nervous system, but I am far from "stable." I went to 60 MGs of Paxil and felt a little better than I did at 40 for a week or two (probably placebo) then back to how I have felt since August (which admittedly is much better than Spring and Early Summer). Since I don't think the Paxil is helping, and actually may be "activating" and counteracting the Zyprexa (I hate even typing Zyprexa, I NEVER thought I would ever take an anti-psychotic, but here I am, and unfortunately I have to admit it has helped) I want to go lower and off the Paxil. From looking over this site it seems I have attempted what you would call a "reinstatement" of Paxil, that clearly hasn't worked. Seems I have four choices and would welcome and recommendations you could give. 1. Stay at 50mgs of Paxil with the 2.5mgs of Zyprexa hoping I will "stabilize" even though I haven't yet in my two months at both 40mgs and 60mgs of Paxil. 2. Realize the Paxil has never helped me and could in fact be "activating" and further hurting my chances to let my brain heal from my Zoloft CT and simply quit. 3. Go back up to 60mgs of Paxil and stay there until I "stabilize" even though I am two-months at this dose with no sign of leveling out. 4. Slowly wean myself off the Paxil, even though I am not stable as it is just a likely it is doing as much harm as good. I have read on this site that I shouldn't get off the Zyprexa until after dealing with the Paxil as it is a "brakes" medication and could help with whatever has happened to me this year. I really hate that I am taking Zyprexa and honestly the side-effect profile terrifies me, I have already gained about 15 lbs, but noticed this quickly and have been able to maintain my weight at 205 at 6'2", so it isn't a HUGE problem...yet. I welcome any thoughts, opinions, and insights. I have been very impressed with this site and am learning a lot about what has happened to me and what may be the best course of action moving forward.
  2. Hi everyone, I wish we wouldn't have to meet under these unfortunate circumstances, but here we are. I want to give a full introduction of myself and my situation in hopes that someone can please shine some light on me or atleast tell me I will be fine again, one day. I am a 24 year old female that has found herself nearly disabled by SSRIs. This is going to be long and i apologize. When i was 17-18 I smoked marijuana almost every day for 1-2 years. When I moved away to college I decided to "get my act together" and focus on school. I quit smoking cold turkey and this set the stage for a very frightening panic disorder leading me to quit school and move home becoming nearly agoraphobic for a few months. Obviously was depressed as well and spent my days sleeping to escape. After 3 months I went to the Doctor and started on Zoloft and within 2 months was back on my feet working full-time. Still had some anxiety but kept living. I stayed on Zoloft for 4 years from ages 18-22 and everything was fine. I felt emotionally cut-off but figured that was the price i had to pay to not have panic attacks. Also, I completely lost my sex drive. Because of these reasons (and my boyfriend calling me a zombie) I slowly tapered down to 25 mg and stayed on that for many months before quitting. For a few weeks after quitting a had annoying 'brain zaps' but nothing major, kept working full time and doing online college. I quit Zoloft in February 2015. Everything was fine until a year later when i started feeling 'not right'. It was during a very stressful time in my life. Working 65 hours a week and keeping good grades in very challenging nursing classes. I started feeling dizzy, off balance, pressure headaches, fatigued and a LOT of derealization (which I didn't even know was a thing at the time so I didn't know how to explain it. All i could say was massive brain fog). Not knowing what the heck was going on with me I went to the doctor after weeks and weeks of my symptoms persisting. I was told I had vertigo and tried motion sickness medicine (didn't help), I did physical therapy on my neck for months to relieve the headaches. They got better but i still felt so 'off'. Like something was missing, it almost felt like when i needed a cigarette after not smoking for 12+ hours but when i smoked it wouldn't help. Like my brain was just stuck in this weird dreamy fog. This feeling after 6 months was giving me anxiety related to my health. I knew something wasn't right but had NO idea. I mean, i thought it could be a brain tumor or something. It really started taking a toll on me. Finally, 6 months after these symptoms started my Doctor told me it was stress and seeing that I had a past history of Panic attacks he told me I needed my zoloft again or it could get out of control. Well, i certainly didn't want to relive my 'breakdown' of 2010 so I listened thinking, what the heck, if this doesn't help, then it isn't stress and its just one thing to cross of the list. BOY WAS I WRONG!!!! This started a HORRIBLE HELLISH experience that I don't know if I can come back from. July 2016- Re-enstated zoloft after being off for 1.5 years. One dose of 25 mg sent me into constant panic within hours. I was pacing the house and out of nowhere I get intrusive mental suicidal images. Scared the pants off me and off to the ER i went the next day. The ER doctor told me to keep taking it. I told him there was NO way in hell I would ever take that pill again, It was that terrifying of an experience. I had to call off work and had major insomnia for a week. My body felt like it was physically vibrating on the inside. So after that experience I go back to my doctor and he puts me on Paxil. August 2016- Took paxil for 19 days. Each day I got worse and worse. I went from working and being a good friend/girlfriend/sister/daughter to feeling no emotions except fear, despair and panic. I became horribly horribly depressed with akathisia. I had to quit my job. The intrusive thoughts were back and i was told to 'hang in there' by my doctor and that sometimes anxiety gets worse in the beginning. I was so confused because my first time on zoloft I had no start up effects that i remember. On paxil i lost my appetite, severe stomach pains, constant diarrhea, insomnia, akathisia, constant panic, intrusive thoughts, derealization, depersonalization, depression, crying, literally could not function. At this point my doctor wanted to UP the dose and I said no way! He then asked me if i wanted to go to a psych ward because my anxiety was getting out of hand. He told me to stop the paxil and gave me 90 pills of xanax. I tried the xanax 1 time. At this point i was so screwed up that 1/4 of a 0.25mg knocked me out and made me feel so depressed and like I didn't have it in me to even talk! Very sensitive. September 2016- got a referral to see a p-doc (symptoms got a little better for 2 weeks off paxil but came back with a vengance) intrusive thoughts and diarrhea went away. but was left with so many debilitating symptoms the worst was the derealization that i still didn't know how to explain. October 2016- Still having horrible symptoms, but now getting some vision changes as well (small sparkles of light in vision) saw p-doc who told me i could be bi-polar type 3. (what is that?! Anxiety runs strong in my family but not bi-polar and i wasn't having mood swings, I was catapulted into severe 24/7 anxiety HELL) November 2016- p-doc decided to start me on a low dose of celexa and buspar. I only made it 11 days on celexa before the akathisia and intrusive thoughts made me literally want to die. I added buspar on the 11th day and had a serotonin syndrome reaction with confusion, shivering, muscle jerking, goosebumps, severe anxiety, severe restlessness, zero sleep and felt like I was going to die at any given second. I have never felt so close to death in my life. My p-doc told me to quit taking everything and gave me Ativan. December 2016- p-doc doesn't know what to diagnose me with but wants to try an anticonvulsant (lamictal). I start lamictal and within 4 days my skin and eyes were burning, i had chills and a low grade fever and I freaked out because this drug can cause a deadly rash. This med also made my intrusive thoughts constant. I quit this drug and cried my eyes out for days not knowing what the hell has happened to me. I go back to the p-doc and she wants to try a liquid medication at a very low dose because I am so sensitive to everything. She said Prozac or Tegretol (another anticonvulsant) I told her i was too scared to start another SSRI, so i got Tegretol. Tegretol can also cause a LOT of deadly side effects such as a deadly skin rash, liver failure, aplastic anemia etc... I have NOT started taking the tegretol even though i was supposed to 2 weeks ago. However, i am STILL very sick from the lamictal. Holy Crap! In july i was a little dizzy with derealization and now i can't function! What i am guessing is that i was going through a protracted withdrawal from Zoloft and putting me back on it (and all these other things) just added to the fire. I feel like i am never going to get better. I just got engaged 2 days ago and cried because of how bad i've become and can't enjoy anything. My p-doc never even diagnosed me. She said i have some bi-polar traits because the SSRIs made me worse but she said it looks like severe anxiety and told me to take up to 4 ativan a day. I stay away from those because i don't need any further damage. I have been off any SSRI for about 6 weeks and the lamictal for 2 weeks. My symptoms are: Intrusive thoughts (never had before restarting zoloft) This is probably my absolute worst symptom. it is like my brain keeps trying to tell me there is danger but rationally i know there isn't any. unbelievable anxiety that isn't connected to anything. It is just here (my panic disorder of 2010 wasn't anywhere near this bad because the anxiety would end after the panic attack, this feels like constant) insomnia (never had before) cant focus on Anything/ poor concentration ( can't watch TV or lose myself in anything to distract myself) no appetite & GI problems that this creates Lost 20 pounds in the past 6 months, I have been drinking ensure plus to get in calories muscle tremors and twitches dizziness feeling disconnected seeing sparkles in vision every now and then derealization loss of pleasure, joy, contentment or any positive emotions depersonalization depression and crying (because of how drastically my life has changed) ruminations about what is happening to me not interested in anything feeling of doom terrible memory sensitivity to loud noises, bright lights, commotion etc. my heart rate takes off whenever it feels like it fatigue zero sex drive ringing in ears sweaty & cold hands and feet and last but not least a fear that i am completely losing my mind. I know a lot of you have been through a lot. I don't know where else to turn. The doctors just made everything 1000x worse. I am currently not working and had to quit college. I don't feel like myself, i know i am in there deep down but all my symptoms debilitate me. Does this sound like an adverse reaction or have I all of a sudden developed a worse mental illness? I do not intend to go back to my p-doc or take any medications. I want my body to heal and go back to who i was 6 months ago. Does anyone please have any advice? I feel so alone and scared that i permanently screwed up my brain. If you are reading all of this thank you and bless you. I never even knew someone could feel so bad mentally and physically. I wish i would have never restarted zoloft in july. I don't know what to do. I need hope that this will get better.
  3. Hi i am new here so let me introduce myself and give you the history of why i have become member. I originally got tinnitus about 18 months ago from noise. I was a sound engineer when younger so my past had caught me up. I went and had all tests and was told nothing could be done. I started to get headaches and siatic pain down left side which seem to come on at same time thetinntus did. The doctors prescrided me 20mg of amitriptyline to be taken at night to help prevent migraines and help with sleep. I took it for about 11months but for last couple months i started feeling anxious, paranoid and suicidal in waves. I attended to A&E department who said that only way to tell if the symptoms were side effects of drug was to come off them and that i would have see GP. I went see the GP who didn' t believe the drugs were causing issues and that i had aggitated depression and needed to take different anti-depressent and stop the amitriptyline. I wasnt feeling well and did what GP had said and stoped the amitriptyline with no taper and started citrolpam. I took citrolpam for 4 days but just felt out of it so i stopped it. I didn't sleep for 14 days and had massive waves of syptoms. Went back doctors and he said i was ill like he had said and looked anxious. Tryed get him understand it was withdrawl syptoms. Doctor told me i needed to go back on amitriptyline but 50mg this time. I questioned the dose increase but as i wasn't feeling mentally or physically well i got tablets. I reinstated back onto the amitriptyline but only took 25mg for first week. The withdrawl symtems were still there but slowing a little. Decided to take the 50mg as doctor said as i really didnt know what i was doing by then. Made feel even worse than i was feeling. Friends told me to go back to GP but get second opinon from different doctor. Changed doctor and explained i was in withdrawl and i wanted to come off amitriptyline due side effects. She listened but still really didn't want say it was in withdrawl altho see did agree if i felt i wasnt depressed i should drop back to the 25mg as only been on 50mg for few days. I have had to take 9 weeks off work and am taking 25mg amitriptyline hoping i will stabilise to some kinda human being. At first i was having the windows and waves were as last few weeks i feel like the windows are getting smaller and waves bigger. I saw the mental health team who again avoided the whole withdrawl thing and tryed blame me. I advised her i want get off the drugs and after reading many forums realise i need to do a very slow taper as i am super sensative. I come here as many do in hope of some feeling like i will be able to come off the amitriptyline at some point and regain the person that i feel i have lost.
  4. Hello. I'm "Trinity" from PaxilProgress, which shut down last year without my knowledge. I'll try not to go into a long-winded summary of my life, but.... Depression began to manifest itself during puberty; episodes became more dramatic the older I got. I began Paxil in 1998, during a depressive episode that had taken total control over my life. I started on 10mg and went to 20mg perhaps a week later. I changed into a new person almost immediately. I could be jovial and outgoing, but lost all sense of priority. I lost most sexual function within two weeks of starting the drug. I was reckless and exhibited very poor decision-making. I couldn't think clearly or quickly. I slept poorly. While I had enough energy for work, I could spend entire days and weekends sleeping. It was as if I were drunk most of the time. I had them before, and I continued to have ugly temper tantrums regularly, just like a two-year-old. Around 2006, I fed up with being tired and stupid, so I dropped from 20mg to 10mg. I suffered the “electrical shocks,” dizziness, and other typical withdrawals, but I got through them and achieved a greater presence of mind—though I was absolutely not myself. I still had temper tantrums at least monthly. The side-effects I described, above, improved, but did not disappear. Not at all. I planned the next withdrawal for summer vacation, when I would have less stress. In June of 2014, I went from 10mg to 5mg. The withdrawals wore the same face, but weren’t as strong as before. This was an awful time for me, as I had an abusive, hostile boss who clearly took delight in tormenting employees she didn't "like." I became exceedingly emotional. Once I got upset, I stayed upset for a long time, unable to bounce back from anything. I would obsess over setbacks, conversations, and my professional standing in the community. This obsessiveness caused me a lot of heartache. On the positive side, the temper tantrums largely stopped, and I didn’t feel tired all the time. I didn’t need to sleep or nap like before. I planned the next withdrawal for summer vacation, when I would have less stress. In June of 2015, I stopped taking Paroxetine altogether. I suffered very little in the way of physical side-effects, just a little something for a few days. My mind is gradually clearing, as if someone had taken a wet, heavy blanket off my brain. My perception and reasoning has improved by leaps and bounds. I experience a wider range of emotions. I cried while listening to a love song that reminded me of my wife, when I had not been able to cry in years. Though she continues trying, my boss isn’t able to upset me as easily as before. I don’t care about her the way I used to. I’m more able to recognize what she is doing and dismiss it. Things that would wound me so deeply before aren’t much more than noise, now. I am able to see my past from a new perspective, with renewed clarity. I apologized to people I had offended over the years with my clumsy, highly emotional and unreasonable behavior. I am far from happy-go-lucky, and I doubt I’ll never be just that. There is a darkness that calls to me. I think my mother had this, as well, and would busy herself like a madwoman, because that sort of behavior works very well to preoccupy the mind. I really need some productive obsessions right now! A lot of emotional improvement I’m enjoying could just be the effects of age—I’m not a kid, anymore. However, and without a doubt, the drug was confining my emotions to a certain range and limiting my ability to overcome adversity. I feel it heightened negative emotions and fears and robbed me of the emotional recovery normal people enjoy. My mind is free, which is at once liberating and terrifying. “What if?” That creeps into my brain more often than I would wish. I want a new job. Not so easy a thing to do, here in a cesspool of economic despair, but I want to make the world a better place, and I don’t think I can do that where I am, doing what I do now. A bucket of crabs comes to mind, and that’s not the sort of energy I want in my life right now. So, there we have it: A rambling summary of my nearly two decade dependency upon psychotropic medication. While it saw me through a particularly hurtful period in my life, the loss of cognitive, emotional, and sexual function for the following 17 years was NOT worth the price of admission. I clearly should have been doing something different, because people aren’t meant to live life in a stupor.
  5. Been quietly observing and reading other peoples posts and finally decided to post my story. My path with AD started with a full blown panic attack. I had never in my life experienced a panic attack so it was very difficult at the beginning. Everybody's different. My panic attacks were debilitating lasting for several hours. Went to see my doctor and was quickly put on benzos. Started with xanax 0.5 mg and was quickly raised to 2.0 mg. Later it was switched out to klonopin 2.0 mg. It did control my panic attacks and my anxiety attacks. Later on I was told to add an AD to further control my panic attacks. This was the fun part where I became my own guinea pig where I had to "FIND THE RIGHT MED" for myself. Initially started with lexapro and was told that it could take up to 4 months for the drug to kick in. 4 months past by and it did nothing. lexapro had no effect on me. Tried viibryd, celexa, paxil, and prozac. Settled with paxil and klonopin for a long time. Towards the end made the jump to cymbalta and klonopin. If it wasn't for people around me telling me how I've changed, over the time frame that I was on these drugs, I would have probably continued taking these drugs. I've lost all emotions nothing in the world gave me any enjoyment. Started drinking heavily to the point where I was drinking every day. Spent money like money grew on trees. I had no apathy at all towards others. I became completely indifferent towards the entire world. I have so much respect towards people here that are maintaining their strict taper schedule. I tried to slowly taper from my drugs but I could never keep it myself. At the first sign of withdrawal I kept running back to my drugs. I decided to throw all my meds out and go the cold turkey route. I fell into a dark abyss. I didn't bother going to no doctor because I knew it was my fight and my fight alone. Woke up with severe panic and dread. It was as if all my nerves were fired up. Every person was associated with a flash back from the past with a very negative flash back from my past. For example, my dad was asking me how I felt and I had a really bizarre flash back from the past where my dad was not so kind to me when I was a kid. It was a memory from the past that I had forgotten for a very long time. This flash back resulted in me with a rage like emotion towards him. Pretty much everyone I met, that had an unkind past with me, brought up these negative flash backs. Entire body feels numb. Light/noise sensitivity. Blurry vision as if I'm surrounded by fog. All my muscles were sore, aching and shaking. Tingling burning sensation on the skin. Itchy anus. Joint pain like I've never experienced before. Difficulty breathing. Flu like symptoms. Severe headaches. Head felt really heavy as if there was a rock embedded in my brain. Messed up sinus. Weak legs. Weak neck. Difficulty speaking. Difficulty balancing myself. Coordination skills severely impaired. Severe tinnitus. Body feels heavy as if gravity increased. Severe dp/dr. One day I spilled my entire plate while eating and I could see my plate fall down in slow motion in 3-D. One day I was cooking and accidentally burnt my hand and I could feel the pain from my hand travel all the way to my brain. I'm pretty sure there were a lot more symptoms that I really can't remember them all. It's been six months now that I've gone cold turkey. I'm still a long ways from recovery but looking back sure as hell feels like I've made some progress. Going cold turkey put my body in full reboot mode and slowly one by one I get to feel parts of my body come alive one by one.
  6. Hi, I will try to keep it brief, but I am in desperate need of advice. I am a 34YO Male, my 1st bout of anxiety happened 10 years ago when I experienced a very stressful time in my life. I had my 1st child, started MBA school, and opened my own business all within a 3 month span. Had a panic attack one night, and what followed was a year of high general anxiety, with some intrusive OCDish thoughts sprinkled in. After a year I decided I would give meds a try. Tried Buspar...did nothing except make me dizzy. Tried Zoloft, and this was the magic bullet for me. Felt my anxiety lesson (after a brief increase) after about 3-4 weeks and after a few months I was back to myself. During this time I would have blips (one to two week periods when my anxiety would resurface, usually requiring a dose tweak and then would go back to normal. These would usually happen when I was eating bad, not exercising ect). At the start of my Zoloft experience I at one point got up to 150mgs, but in the last 4-5 years was on the minimum dose of 50mgs after I got generally healthier and added a multivitamin and fish oil supplement. Because of these blips, and the fact I was afraid to go back to the year of anxiety, I stayed on the Zoloft probably longer than I should have. It was 8 years later (October 2016) when I finally said, "heck I don't need these anymore". My prescription ran out and I just decided not to refill it. I went through most of the withdrawl symptoms, some brain-zaps, lots of light-headedness and dizziness, ect. That went away after about 3 weeks and for 3 months I felt great, totally off meds and totally back to normal. At the end of January this year, I started to have another "blip." I wasn't eating healthy and not exercising as much and decided I would be "proactive" and resume the Zoloft at my previous dose of 50mgs to nip it in the bud. This sent my anxiety through the roof but thought my body would adjust so I continued taking them. I was so scared of the increased anxiety though I didn't give it a fair shot and kept increasing and decreasing the dosage from 25 to 50mgs every week or so. Finally got into a p-doc and he gave me Lexapro, 5mgs for the 1st week and 10mgs after that...long story short, it did the same thing as the Zoloft and wasn't much better after 7 weeks. At this point I figured, "wow I wasn't this bad before, I will just go off of these!" Well unfortunately my month of no meds did not return me to my January self, in fact it was probably worse than on the meds! So then the doctor gave me pregabalin, which helped a little, but is crazy expensive and not covered by insurance. So on June 1st I started Paxil, 10 mgs for the 1st week and 20mgs after that, hoping the pregabalin can help me to get on them. I really want to be off meds, but don't think I am mentally able to at this point. It seems quitting the Zoloft cold turkey, then reinstating, I am much more sensitive to these drugs, does that make any sense? So I am hopeful I can eventually give a med (Paxil) enough time that my body will desensitize to it, and I can be on it for a bit to get stable again, then get off. Anybody experienced anything like this? Will my body desensitize? I am so desperate to feel normal again, I am a father of 3 (10YO Boy, 7YO Boy, 3YO Girl), a husband to an amazing wife, and they need their Dad and Husband back! What should I do? Give Paxil the time to desensitize, then get off after a few months? Is the fish-oil supplement that I still take that helped me reduce my dose of Zoloft causing me to be more sensitive? Quit everything and see what happens? Thanks in advance for reading my story and giving any advice or encouragement.
  7. Hi, you can call me AprilShowers. I was put on Venlafaxine (Effexor) in the millenium due to a period of depression. Was on it two years and tapered off with no problem and gradually depression got managable and life went on. Then my mother died of cancer and my depression came back more suicidal and severe. I tried citalopram with horrible side effects and continuous suicidal feelings before being changed to venlafaxine which had worked for me before. And it worked again, more or less. I got stabilised and although it took a long time the suicidal thoughts receded and I just had bad depression. Last year after five years on venlafaxine I was having bad heart palpitations and my psychiatrist thought it might be beneficial to change medications as I thought it might be being caused by being on an SNRI. I switched to mirtazapine which I was on a couple of weeks and felt good at first before it made me very suicidal. Panicing and needing to not feel that way anymore I stopped taking it cold turkey. After I began to have withdrawal issues I tried to get onto prozac (fluoxetine) in the hope that it would help, it didn't, it exacerbated the symptoms. I was in full withdrawal syndrome, massive dumps of cortisol turned my body to acid, I was urinating blood, I couldn't eat or sleep and the shakes were exhausting. It was completely debilitating and I did little but lay on the sofa for five months trying to distract myself with TV shows. Life got a little better in increments and with the help of this site which I read without joining I was able to understand what was happening to me and try to support my body. I thought maybe I'd been lucky to have gotten through this and was hoping to build my life back to some semblance of normal. I managed to get back to the point I'd been on while I was on the antidepressants. Still depressed, still not coping well with life but able to function a bit. I had hoped to build on that. A couple of weeks ago I started getting mad anxiety, possibly triggered by the shock of the news of terrorist attacks in Paris although I guess if I'm honest I was feeling a bit overwhelmed before that. Whatever happened, I was having a hard time and took a couple of small doses of lorazepam two nights running to get some sleep and mellow the panicy feelings. Of course they got worse after that and now I have the full cortisol dumping into my system again and I'm back on the sofa wishing for a different life and a better body. I've been in touch with my care co-ordinator who isn't seeing me until next week and she says that without me being willing to take medication there's not much she can do. I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow to try to rule out any underlying medical reasons (I had an infection before all this happened and have recently become diabetic, have PCOS and have had previous anemias, heart palpitations and thyroid blips) but I'm not holding out much hope and unsure how to try an explain to the doc what is happening with cortisol dumping into my body. I know all they can offer for the symptoms is lorazepam or similar drugs and I think that would just make my problem worse. The early morning shuddering and feeling of waking in abject terror is the pits, the shudders are exhausting, like parkinsons and then taper off during the day but still with a low level of tremor and feeling of panic. I've got no saliva, I go hot and cold, my stomach is acid, I'm wetting myself with the level of fear hormones in my system and am having to wear pads and I'm constantly going to the bathroom, I'm not doing very well at all. The fact that this is happening for the second time is extremely disappointing, I've had thoughts of not wanting to live like this. I feel very alone, I live alone and I'm scared of losing all I've gained. I'm here to find hope. I need to give this awful life I'm forced into some value and give myself some value. After five years living on benefits, trying to overcome depression and not really coping with life I feel like I have nowhere to turn but here to find people who believe and understand what I'm going through. I am desperate to believe this is just a blip and won't last as long as before but it's been getting worse every day like the reverse of when it happened the first time when it was very bad and I gradually felt relief. I'm finding it hard to trust I will recover. I have nothing to do but hope I can again. Supplements I take omega 3 in a high dose which has helped me manage my depression. vitamin C magnesium with calcium. Occasional other supplements. Am thinking of just stopping all but the omega 3.
  8. HI, My wife was on antidepressants starting with prozac for 20 years. As time went on she had side effects that were treated as independent issues, so was given meds for each such as antipsychotics, headache meds, ambien for sleep, pain meds, muscle relaxers, etc.. and finally benzos for a few years. Eventually she read a book written by someone who said a vagal nerve implant helped. She had the implant for a few years, going in to have it adjusted regularly, and never helped, so had it removed. Unfortunately the wire around her vagal nerve could not be removed so it still there. Finally we were told the ECT actually worked for everyone but was only as a last resort due to the nature of the process. So she had 13 ECT treatments. What a nightmare. They were not a cure. Lastly she found the book Your Drug May Be Your Problem and decided to stop ALL meds cold turkey, except noted that benzos should be tapered. So 7.5 years ago she stopped all other drugs and started a nightmare 18 month taper off benzoes. It was probably a nightmare due to cold turkey off all the other meds, but we did not know or understand. Shortly she will have been off benzos for 6 years and therefore 7.5 years off all other meds. She is still what we describe as acute in her suffering. I was on benzo buddies for a few years and we also communicated with an internationally known therapist who was in England, came to USA for a while so we had her visit us and help us, but recently she went back to UK. She has published books, has website, etc and everyone probably knows who it is, Anyway, of everything I ever read, the symptoms reported by Alto Strata were the closest I ever noted to what suffering my wife is experiencing. Above is the background. My wife believes she will never heal so I am trying to find any information that I can give her that people that have been protracted withdrawal for 7.5 years off all other drugs, and 6 years off the benzos, do actually heal. We cannot find any success stories by people going this long. There is a Monica who has videos and blogs who went on about this long , but that is all we can find of long term withdrawal. Does anyone have any helpful information? Thank you, Dufffer
  9. Hi all I need advice please on how to move forward due to being cold turkeyed off all medication. I have tried to reinstate olanzapine 5mg but feel so much worse and been refered to gp and been advised medication wont help.Psychiatrists have advised it all psychological after 4 years of medication roulette and various diagnoses. My brain and central nervous system are a total mess and im severely debilitated. I have put in my drug record to the best of my knowledge the last 5 years are a blur! Im at the point where im now scared to take anymore meds and just try to survive. Thanks Beyond help
  10. I'm shaking as I write this. Long story short, went on antidepressants about 9 years ago for disthymia, GAD, and Panic Disorder. Started on Lexapro. It worked fairly well and had no startup side effects. PDoc added Welbutrin. It worked well too. Switched from Lexapro to another SSRI briefly without problems. Switched to Zoloft and stayed on it for about 8 years. Smooth sailing aside from the sexual side effects, which caused me (stupidly) to quit cold turkey in November of 2016. From then to January 2017 I felt fine except for brain zaps. Those eventually went away and haven't returned. February 2017 I started getting weird chest tightness and heaviness, accompanied by a stinging in the mouth and tongue. Had EKG, echo, chest xray, all fine. Saw a new PDoc on March 3rd who said chest symptoms were anxiety and put me on Trintellix and Klonopin. Was hesitant to start these drugs so I waited awhile. Took a friend's 0.25 Xanax on occasion during March to combat relatively mild anxiety from chest symptoms. Anxiety was getting worse so I decided to try the Klons. Was prescribed 0.5 to 1 every night before bed. Started doing that about March 16 with varied results. One day it seemed to work like a charm while the next day not at all, or even seemed to make anxiety worse. March 24 decided to try the Trintellix. March 25, 26 went by without side effects then BAM on March 27 I began what I can only describe as an unending and unrelenting panic attack that has only ceased briefly a few times since. I kept taking it anyway until March 29 when I called PDoc who told me to stop taking it and take something else. I told him F that, I want to go back to Zoloft and Welbutrin, at least I know that works. Been taking the Zoloft and Welbutrin since then. Saturday April 1st, 10:00pm I took 0.5 Clonazepam and fell asleep for 4 hours. Sunday April 2 2:00am awoke in a state of severe anxiety, about a 9.5/10, worse than I had ever felt. 5:00am went to the ER. 9:00am given Ativan at ER. Did not help. Voluntarily admitted to psych ER. In holding area until 11:00pm then transported by ambulance to a psych ward an hour away. Psych ward was a nightmare and drove my anxiety even higher which I didn't think was even possible. Monday April 3 evening, anxiety at 9.5. Blood pressure 177 systolic. Nurse gives 0.5 Xanax. Blood pressure drops to normal. Anxiety drops to 7.5. An hour later, anxiety up to 10!!! Nerves feel like they're on fire, heart pounding fast, muscles very weak, brain feels like it's being electrocuted. Given Hydroxyzine. An hour later, still 10. Given 2mg Xanax and wheelchaired back to room, or rather empty jail cell. Passed out. Tuesday April 4 awoke feeling drugged and anxiety at 5. Discharged at 1pm. Anxiety drops to 3. Arrive home, anxiety drops to 2. I was hopeful that the nightmare was over. Nope. Yesterday Wednesday April 5 morning, anxiety at 3. By noon anxiety climbed to 7. Is fluctuating between 5 and 7. Called PDoc in a panic. PDoc says keep taking Zoloft and Welbutrin and also prescribes Neurontin and Valium to be taken 3x per day, 2x dosage at bedtime. Picked up scripts that evening and took the bedtime dose. About a half hour later started feeling weird but good. Didn't last long though. Had a rough night. Today April 6 morning I felt very weird, but not in a good way. Tremors in my facial muscles, derealization, slow thinking. Looked up Neurontin on the Internet and learned how bad it is. Decided not to take morning dose and called PDoc and left message. I did take the morning Valium though, and that helped for a few hours. Took the afternoon Valium and it seemed to increase my anxiety and make me dizzy. PDoc hasn't called back. This is HELL. There's no end to my anxiety attack. I cannot function. I'm going to lose my job, my health insurance. Please tell me there's an end to this suffering. Please give me some hope. Some advice. What is happening to me? Is my life over?
  11. in 2014 I got off all SSRI's after being on them intermittently for 20 years. I was probably on them half of the time. In 2013 I went on Trazodone for 3 years for insomnia. Started on 200mg and went down to 100 over the first year. I did not take it daily as my doc said it was not an SSRI so I should take it as needed. I would take it 4-5 nights a week and take Sominex on weekends. I tried to taper down to 75mg but couldn't function at work the next day so I held at 100mg. In Mid June I took a month off from work and decided to bite the metaphorical bullet and stop Trazodone cold turkey. I know it was a bad idea, but I needed a med free month to establish a sleep pattern. It worked but I'm paying for it as I knew I would. Dealing with weird pains in my chest and back, mostly esophageal pain. My personality has definitely changed, but it changed before I got off Trazodone which is one of the reasons I got off, just seems worse now. The other expected side effects showed up, depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation. I'm able to handle all of these because I am FINALLY sleeping med free for the first time in years, I was just wondering if anyone else had gone cold turkey from 100mg and how long until I start feeling like myself again. Thanks in advance. And yes I know cold turkey was a bad idea but under the circumstances it was the best choice.
  12. Hi! English is not my first language so I apologize if my texts are confusing, same with my signature. I quit the last 5 mg escitalopram/cipralex 3 weeks ago. When I went down from 10 to 5 mg nothing got better so I started reading about tardive dysphoria which made me very eager to quit my medication completely. I also found out about 6 months ago that quitting 5 mg at a time is way too drastic for someone who has been using the medication for years, but I figured i'd just endure this last time. The problem is that I've now found out from reading on this site and on other places that some of the side effects might become permanent. So my question now is, should I go back up to 5-4 mg, and then slowly go down 1 mg at a time from there? Or should I just wait this out when it has already been 3 weeks. I'm willing to wait it out if it gets better. But if there are big risks about doing what i'm doing right now i'm gonna go back up if that's your advice. Ps: I do feel horrible physically and mentally and can practically not be around people, but as I said i'm willing to endure it if it gets better. I can't trust my doctors anymore, they want to make me go back up to max dosage with both voxra and cipralex + start giving me more benzo for no good reason. Which is why I'm asking here, the people here seem to have good knowledge about this. TL;DR: Go back up to 5 mg and go down 1 mg at a time or endure this and wait for it to get better?
  13. Hi everyone, My shrink recently did not get my Lamotrigine refill to me on time, so I was forced to suddenly stop taking it for 6 days. It messed me up a bit, but not too much. I decided I was going to begin tapering off the Sertraline and Lamotrigine (all info in signature). More recently, she did not get my Diazepam refill to me on time, so I was again forced to go cold turkey, but this time on a benzo. After feeling like total crap for the first 2 days or so, I began to feel better, so I decided to continue the cold turkey of the diazepam. i am 6 days in and the severity and number of withdrawal symptoms are growing. I want to continue and be done with it. It's awful, but not unbearable. Hopefully it won't get to that. I understand that Diazepam (Valium) has a long elimination half-life and that the worse may be yet to come seeing that the w/d peak at about 2 weeks. Still, i want to keep going. I am at a place in my life where I am able to stay home, and ride it out. I know i need a new shrink and i should be doing this under medical supervision. I know this was probably not the most ideal decision. However, it is what it is. I wanted to begin tapering down anyway since my sleeping had stabilized for long enough and this was supported by my therapist (psychologist), but since the 2 "hiccups" with the shrink (total negligence, really) I decided I would bite the bullet and take the plunge with all my meds. I am fully aware that you guys are not medical professionals. I came here to get some support and advice, and to hear your thoughts and experiences to help me get through this. Real stories from real people are so much more valuable than a medical professional's opinion, who very likely has no idea what we're going through. I know going cold turkey is not recommended but what's done is done. For the record the meds are Sertraline (Zoloft SSRI), Lamotrigine (Lamictal - mood stabilizer), Oxcarbazepine (Trilpetal - anticonvulsant) and Diazepam (Valium - benzodiazepine). Thank you
  14. hello, so about 5 years ago i was taking bath salts(stupid, i know), a lot of bath salts, and i developed a symptom like bulging eyes which destroyed my life this symptom lasted for one month but already i developed an obsession with how my eyes looked to other people which is still present in my life so i got depressed and isolated still obsessing over my eyes so what to do next? with my mother persisting in going to get help i ended in a psychiatric hospital, after 5 minutes of describing the symptoms and telling the cause (bath salts) to the psy I've got my identity and the sentence, I've got BDD, body dysmorphic disorder and the sentence was 2 zoloft in the morning 1 solian(antipsychotic) in the evening we all know whats coming next, after months on this treatment I've got worse, another diagnose, bi-polar - 2 zoloft + 3 norset + 1 abylyfy + 1 solian and an extra 4 serestra and that went for 5 years which comes with psychotic episodes, attempted suicides, forced psy hospitals stays, violent behavior, unable to form thoughts and without emotions, drug use, drinking and in the process i lost my soul and after only two years I've started hearing voices, pretty scary, but i was afraid talking with my psy because of another diagnose which all know that they say is for life, schizophrenia. And after all the suffering caused by this treatment they wanted to give me more powerful dosages I'm not going in to the details, i don't want to remember, it's hard not trusting your doctor, thinking is the devil, which he is imo. It's pretty hard for me to get off this drugs because I'm being forced in to the treatment and watched every day, there are nurses which came every day to give me the meds because of my attempted suicides, so they give me a glass of water and watch me if i swallow the meds , pretty scary, i know. The doctor it's convinced that i need the treatment all my life because of my behavior. So how i came off without anyone knowing? One night (of many) without sleep i went on YouTube watching movies reviews and by divine luck I've come across a video about big pharma an psychiatric drugs which changed everything and going deep into the subject i discovered the truth, which at the time seemed fantastic and scary. I mean you think all the time that your doctor wants to help you and has years of studying this thing in school and there is the ''science'' to back all this, come on! it's a doctor, a psychiatrist, he must know things, no? and suddenly you see the other face of the coin and here comes the rage. It's hard for me to tamper because i don't have the drugs, they give me the drugs, so my only option it's going cold turkey, made them think that i swallowed the drugs, hiding them in my hand. So now I'm two weeks in cold turkey, trying to stay ''normal'' for family and doctors not to give away that you are in withdrawal, it's pretty hard. I'm going trough hell here and it's been only two weeks. I've been searching for information all this time, when I'm not in severe depression. I've found 5-htp which I'm on for 3 days now and it's good, placebo? i will take everything which will help me I've found meditation which make sense for me, but to try to concentrate on your breath for 5 minutes right now seems pretty hard, reading books on the subject helps me, I'm gonna do everything that i can to stay off the meds even if i need to die in the process.
  15. Hello Everyone, I am Pug and this is my story: I found this forum on 12-31-2014 and I wrote, but did not post, this about me piece on 01-12-2015: Greetings Everyone, First I would like to say that I have nothing but respect for the immense courage and strength of everyone who is sharing here, and it is a testament to the best of what makes us human, and is very powerful. Second, I think that the human body, mind, and spirit are incredibly resilient and capable of amazing displays of recovery and healing. I keep the above thoughts in mind as I wade through the haze of withdrawal this is my life currently. My suffering is nothing compared to so many of you here that I hesitate to even add my story. But, I figure that the more people that speak up and document what they are experiencing, the better the chance that this movement will continue to shed light on these very dangerous substances. A quick history to explain my situation: I started on Zoloft in the early 90's for anxiety and depression; by my primary care physician. He did not direct me to seek any counseling or psychiatric care, he just said to take the medication. My condition improved, whether due to the medication or due to time passing, but I did not question anything and dutifully stated on the medication. I was put on 50 mg and was cycled between 50 and 100 mg depending on how I was feeling. I did not understand that I could quit the medication and did not know I had other options. I felt alone with no one to talk to about my situation, so I was a good patient and took my medicine (if only the internet was around back then). I suffered all of the common side effects of Zoloft which made being on the medication as bad as being off of it. Fast forward 20 some years to March 2014 and I am still dutifully taking my medication, my health is poor; I am obese, sleep very poorly, suffer minimized libido, feel totally flat emotionally, and just accept that this is my lot in life. I get a new primary care physician and she suggests that I try coming off of the medication; (I was thought, "what? I can stop taking it? That is ok? ) She said I could taper or go cold turkey, so knowing no better I went cold turkey and that is when the rollercoaster of withdrawal and misery started. During the next 5 months I hung on although I had no idea what withdrawal was, thinking that maybe it was the return of my symptoms. During that 5 months I had several personal life changing events happen and by the August 2014 I was in bad shape and sure that depression and anxiety had returned full force. My primary care physician put me on Prozac 20 mg and things got even worse as the restart was absolute living hell. I have no idea how I managed to keep a job, care for myself, or stay alive because it was truly nasty. If not for family I would have been doomed. I rode out the restart and after a couple months started to get a bit of relief. That lasted a few weeks and then out of the blue it all went bad and I either had a reaction to the Prozac or it pooped out, as I was immediately plunged back into start up symptoms that were complete hell. I called my new primary care physician but they could not see me for two weeks and I was advised to go to immediate care/emergency. My state of mind was very bad, so I just decided to quit once again cold turkey and forget the doctors. I am now 1.5 months out from stopping cold turkey and I am once again suffering. I found this forum a few weeks back and it has been a life saver, and I really mean that. Discovering my symptoms were not unusual: Insomnia, night terrors, waking up with suicidal thoughts, hot and cold body fluctuation, burning skin, tinnitus, brain zaps, anhedonia, mood swings, extreme fatigue, extreme agitation, hopelessness, lack of mental clarity, poor decision making, and lack of motivation just to name a few. Without this forum I would not know that it is the withdrawal from the medication that is causing all of this, and that I am not relapsing or going insane. What a tremendous benefit to know that I am still somewhere under all these symptoms, and that I can hope of recovery. I have been working hard to help myself, I am practicing mindfulness/meditation, started seeing a psychologist, stopped watching TV, avoid listening to the news or reading the newspaper, read uplifting stories and articles, eat healthy and exercise as much as I can; connect with family, and read the success stories here and elsewhere. It has all added up to helping me make it through the hell that is withdrawal, and that is hopefully leading to recovery. I have somehow managed to stay alive, keep a job, and for the most part appear to be a functioning human as far as most people know. I even sometimes have a little hope. I would not choose this for my worst enemy, that would be too cruel. I don't know any way to get out of this other than to just go through it. Thank you for listening.
  16. *moved from symptoms forum I'm 5 years now completel y med free, still have withdrawal, but symptoms come and go quickly, but the minute it gets cold weather, I start having brutal static electricity, Even my bottom of my leg touches car and gets shocked, i have of course had static electricity before withdrawal before. It seems worse since I went into withdrawal, has anyone else experienced this in withdrawal, a worsening of static electricity, and has anyone still had this worsening at 5 years?
  17. Hi All, I am 32 year-old who just passed ten years of being off SSRI's. While I no longer have any desire to return to them, the past decade has been mixed, with a low-grade depression nearly constant. I've worked with multiple therapists, used supplements, etc., and while I feel stable and am basically functional, I also feel like only a shred of my former self. I'm wondering if there are any others out there like me: - I took SSRIs for about 10 years, from around age 12-22. - My response was positive for about 7 years, but then I developed depression around age 19. - I spent about 3 years from 19-22 on major doses of SSRIs trying to tamp down the depression, but nothing consistently worked. - I quit cold turkey in 2007. Feelings were first very acute, but then became really muted. Of course I worried then as now about permanent damage. The fact of depression emerging while under treatment, and my condition basically becoming treatment-resistant scares the you know what out of me. (Tardive dysphoria?). Basically, I've been managing the specter of permanent damage since I got off. While I remain optimistic that things are not completely hopeless, I also have to be honest about the fact that I still feel unwhole.
  18. Hello to my fellow SSRIs survivors out there! It's been one hell of a ride for all of us, hasn't it? The good news is that the healing does happen. I'm one of you - many years spent on the drugs and then after going off of those experiencing the protracted WD-syndrome. I've been off of SSRIs for more than two years now - the improvement is undeniable, yet many symptoms are still present. Judging by the progress so far, though, the healing willl eventually take place. Good luck to everybody!
  19. ozzyz

    Need some advice. Was given 15 milligrams Zyprexa in the hospital for anxiety and depression. Been on 15 milligrams for one month. Stopped taking it because of restless legs and now my anxiety is back very high. Should I have tapered off after only being on 4 One month. Is this just my withdrawal or original anxiety returning. My doctor wasn't much help he basically just said that I could have anxiety again after stopping the medication but did not tell me that I needed to taper from it. Also taking Prozac for a past 5 weeks 20 milligrams a day. And two milligrams clonazepam.
  20. I'm a 54 year old female that has been on Cymbalta for about 7 years. I started at 120 mgs. and that was lowered to 90 mgs. because it raised my blood pressure. I stayed on 90 mgs. for quite a while. Last fall I stupidly stopped taking this drug because I didn't think it was working. I didn't know the dangers of cold turkey. I reinstated it 2 months after being off it. I'm now on 60 mgs. I take 30 mgs. 2 x a day. I've been back on it for 4 months trying to reinstate past the 2-3 week reinstatement time frame. I feel that the Cymbalta is no longer working. I have a lot of anxiety and feeling nausea. And diarrhea. I do also take a benzo. I just don't know what to do now. I can't cold turkey it again but I'm not feeling good. I need help! Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.
  21. I took Wellbutrin XL for eleven years. The first couple of years at 150 mg, then up to 300 mg. About 5 years ago, 1/2 of a 2 mg Abilify every 3 days was added to the mix. I actually felt fine on the meds for the most part. I briefly went off of the Wellbutrin about 6 or 7 years ago, and then went right back on because I felt like crap. I'm actually only off the drugs now because my insurance changed, and I couldn't afford the drugs out of pocket. So when I ran out, I (FOOLISHLY) quit taking them. Cold turkey. I actually still have some of the Abilify, but I didn't want to take it without the Wellbutrin. It's been about 5 long weeks, but I no longer feel like I'm living underwater. However, I still have days or stretches of the day where I have brain fog, low motivation, and anhedonia. I know I should have tapered, but I didn't. The first two weeks, I ate like a pig--totally uncontrollable, especially at night--and felt like I was in molasses. I gained weight, which has become a problem. I've never had a weight problem my entire life, and then the last 3 years, I've gained 30 lbs. Then, I started taking L-Dopa and Tyrosine, which I think helped. But now, I'm looking to rebalance my brain without more brain altering substances that leave me dependent. For the past week (on tyrosine only, decided to take a break from the L-dopa), I've been unexpectedly tearful at certain moments, which I hadn't experienced since the year after my mother died (6 years ago). These have been prompted by real emotional situations (one friend's father died and we were commiserating about losing parents; another friend's dog died and one of my dogs died a year ago December). I'm realizing that I've been partially blunted by medication for so long, I'm not sure who I am emotionally or how who I am right now will shift as my brain continues to reboot. Right now, I'm trying to focus on eating a really healthy diet and weaning off of sugar and flour. I'm still drinking alcohol, which is my next thing to try to eliminate as I try to get my brain to function "normally" and to lose weight. I fear I may have monkeyed terribly with how my brain functioned and that I may not be able to get back to the way I was 10-12 years ago, which was going through some depression, but otherwise functioning well with eating, weight, motivation, exercise, etc.
  22. Hello all, Wow am I grateful to find this resource. Thank you all for being here. I abruptly ceased my lexapro (40mg) about three weeks ago. I know I should have tapered but I did not. I felt confident as I rode the first week of headaches out and things were okay. Week 2 was all about nausea, anxiety, dizziness and week three was similar but morning sickness vitamins helped eased my nausea. I have windows - sometimes they're almost a whole day, or half a day, and the more frequent they occur the more I start to believe I can push through this. I'm so grateful for these moments. The hard parts though...they're hard. I cried at work (never usually a crier) because I just didn't know when this will stop and if I can put up with it. The fact I don't know how long it will take makes it challenging. I read 2-3 weeks on science sites but the reality here is SO varied. And symptoms come back?? I thought once the nausea was gone that was it. I have a phobia of vomit (emetophobia) so naturally am sensitive to body signals, and easily distressed. My management? Initially medication (Valium, beta blockers, vitamins) but I want to use them less and I'm keeping hydrated, rested, nourishing myself with good food. I'm doing lots of relaxation, deep breathing because I feel anxiety is the root of all this. Lots of cognitive work and trying to "accept" the symptoms instead of struggle. I guess being here I'm struck by the enormity of the fact nobody knows when this will end, not even a rough idea, and that scares me. (Additional: I do have doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist and social supports to help me through). Thank you for reading. I welcome any dialogue!
  23. Hi Everyone. I'm new to the site. I have suffered from depression for 16 years and have not been on a forum like this before but am feeling very desperate for advice at the moment and as my doctors are useless i thought maybe someone on here who understands could help me. I have a Psychiatrist appointment but not for a month yet! Anyway i have been on anti depressants for 16 years. I was on Citalopram(60mg) for 10 years and then Nortriptyline (150)mg for 6 years. Now 3 months ago i did something i know was very stupid and not recommended and came off the Nortriptyline cold turkey. I did this because at this point i was just desperate to get them out my system. I believe they have caused all my mental problems which include memory and concentration problems, jerking, seizures, electric shock feelings, brain pressure and constant sleeping. It was starting to scare me and that is why i did it. Anyway at first i experienced what i expected horrific physical withdrawal symptoms where to be honest i did just want to die but i was determined and after 3 weeks these faded. I then experienced a weird depression i had not had before where i couldn't even move for a while and then that passed. I am now at a stage where my depression is basically back to how it used to be but at its worst. My depression has always been up and down and the drugs never worked but i just cant seem to get out of this major low and its been longer than normal. I am really worried this is going to ruin my relationship as i don't want to see my boyfriend and just spend the whole time crying and sleeping and i feel like there is no way out anymore. Part of me just wanst to start taking some drugs again to see if it improves but part of me is scared to go back on them again as i know how hard they were to get off. I know the Psychiatrist will be able to advise me on this but i don't think i can carry on like this for that long. Do you think i should just try and stick it out and it will improve as this is just withdrawal or start taking a small dose of drugs again. Thanks so much for reading this
  24. 16 months off , cold turkey . Although some sypmtoms began progressing slowly , other ones are just getting worse : constant anxiety , monsterous irritability ( even the sound of a door opening drives me crazy ) and this triggers physical symptoms ( severe head pressure most of the time ) . I'm right now dealing with so many stressors and I know this has a huge impact on recovery , I constantly doubt if my mind can ever heal with my unmeasurable anxiety and the never stopping surges of stress hormones Is there hope ? can the brain still heal with so much stress and anxiety ?
  25. Hoping I'm not alone (although I wouldn't wish this on anyone else). I was taken off citalopram and mirtazapine a few years ago. I can't remember the dosage but I had been on them for at least a year and it was the second time I had come off them, the first was a tapered withdrawal as I felt well this second time was cold turkey. I was in hospital after collapsing and I was taken off them literally overnight - one day my dosage was as usual, the next day nil. I had really bad withdrawal symptoms for months especially brain zaps and spine zaps, feeling of delay between moving body and senses catching up, inability to regulate body temperature, constant crying, nausea, abdominal pain, body pain, insomnia. I was also eating poorly and severely dehydrated for a considerable period of time before and after. I'm now questioning whether the continued unexplained neuropathy that I developed at some point is related to any of this. I can't remember when the neuropathy started but it felt debilitating several months after coming out of hospital. So much of it is such a blur that I can't recall with any certainty when I noticed symptoms. I know I had symptoms of restless legs, especially knees that I felt I constantly had to twist and fold and refold endlessly to try to find a position that I could remain comfortable with, while on medication and a feeling of utter inward stomach churning heart wrenching terror and inability to focus and concentrate for many many months but that this was treated as a psychological symptom rather than anything of medical concern. Whilst the inability to concentrate and anxiety lessened over the years (although still acute at times), the neuropathy has worsened with recurring episodes of days of spinning head and feelings of delay between movement and senses, daily nerve pain and burning tingling in legs, feeling of rushing water down spine, zaps at back of neck on moving head, recurrent migraines, tinnitus, one leg feels hotter than other but not to touch, feeling that ideally want legs trapped under an iceberg(!) in bed and have to wedge them under piles of cushion to get pressure, head spinning (feels like spinning clockwise at slight angle) and brain that goes to sludge when have to concentrate or interact with people for any length of time. The symptoms are variable and each day brings a different combination. But it's not going. I was referred to a neurologist a year or so ago but, having had a bad experience of hospitals and doctors, cancelled the appointments for further testing as nothing abnormal apparent on basic physical exam and have not sought medical advice since as I'm a) afraid afraid c) afraid and d) afraid. Oh and e) alone and f) afraid of opening the whole mental health issue again with another dr. I also have long term digestive problems and a fairly constant background suicidal feeling that I have to tolerate as it comes and goes in waves and has done for about seven years now. I'm pretty good at hiding most of this but it does make it hard to function. Amitriptaline makes the nerve pain more tolerable although toward late afternoon and evening it gets worse and night time it sometimes keeps me awake. Has anyone else here been made to stop meds overnight and if so what happened to you after? I don't know what is "me" anymore and what is left over from before.
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