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  1. Every time I run my hand through my hair, sick to my stomach at the sight of my precious hairs falling, maybe never to grow back, I think about it. I know how stupid this sounds -- you can't turn back time. But I can't stop going back to the moment I took my first pill. If I only knew what ensued. I'd give anything to be back, facing the hardships I had at that time, the silly thoughts that drove me here, they seem so petty now. I used to brag about how I never regret anything, I wasn't lying, I truly didn't. Now, the first time I truly experience regret, it seems like the hardest emotion I ever had to tolerate. However silly, unreal, nonsensical this is, I can't stop imagining turning back time. Sometimes I'm trying to talk god into making a bargain; I'd trade all my achievements and talents for the undoing of this one critical moment. Then I release a bitter chuckle, It's futile. Still, I experience it as though it could happen, every single day. Does anybody else feel this way? I'd love to hear your experiences with regret

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