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MOD NOTE: Contents of post may be triggering for some members. (mods I am not sure where to put this so move if necessary) I just hope someone reads it. I don't know if you do trigger warnings but if you do this should have it. Hopefully the title says enough. I have been doing well in my recovery. I have had some anxiety and limited depression. I do get stuck sometimes but I have had a few work and personal successes so I need to look on the bright side. The last 2 weeks have hit me hard. I have read a lot about it and I am truly upset and disgusted by this pig of a man. I have since been thinking about my past and not feeling good. The anxiety has returned and I am having trouble eating and sleeping. Everything looks great from the outside as I have already said but not so good from the inside. I can’t stop ruminating about it. When I was 16 I was lonely and depressed. I had a few friends and wasn’t happy in school. I missed my boyfriend who broke up with me went he went to college. My parent’s lives were a mess as well. The former boyfriend of one of my friends who had moved away called and invited me to watch tv and hang out with him Sat night. I went thinking it would be a fun diversion and because I really needed a friend. I also thought he was cool and worldly because he was 21. He had a room set up in his mother's basement and we hung out and watched tv. He tried to kiss me but I just moved my head. He walked me home around 11. He invited me the next week as well. He bought rum and coke for me because he knew I liked it. I didn’t really but it was the only drink I thought I would like when we talked the week before. We watched tv and I drank. I was a lightweight and hardly drank at all. At some point I woke up and was laying on his pull out couch bed with half my clothes off. He was kissing me. I moved my head to avoid him and squirmed because I didn’t know what else to do. Then I laughed to myself. I decided the situation was ridiculous. I stood up and started to get dressed. My plan was to walk out the door and go home. I wasn’t putting up with that! He saw me getting dressed and pushed me back down on the bed. I must have hit my head on part of the bed frame or the arm of the couch. It hurt and I was scared. My confidence was gone. He took off my clothes and I didn’t do anything. He took his clothes off and I turned my head so I didn’t have to see him. He got on top of me and did his thing. I fooled around with my previous boyfriend a lot but had never gone that far. So that was my first time. It didn’t hurt that much but later I learned he was kind of small. He told me to put my arms around him which I did. Having to do that and look at him was almost as upsetting as everything else. When it was over, he drank some more and fell asleep or passed out. At that point I put my clothes on again but without the same feeling of confidence. I had to sneak up from the lower level and through the living room to the front door. I was so scared his mother would find me and know what I did. Maybe she was out, I left through the front door without knocking anything over or tripping the alarm. I ran home and got in bed. The next day I told my mom I had the flu. I couldn’t get out of bed. The next day in school I talked to a weird girl in my English class. She was strange but I thought she would be safe. She was sympathetic and that made me feel a tiny bit better. My friend who dated him was coming back to town. I wanted to tell her what happened. I somehow knew she would comfort me and everything would be all right. She and he had a wild relationship and had a lot of great sex. She told me he went down on her at the movies. The was the only detail I knew but I thought that said a lot. We went out for coffee. I screwed up my courage and told her what happened. And she laughed. I was stunned. She then told me that she wasn’t surprised because he talked about me a lot and she knew he wanted me. I don’t remember the rest of the evening but at that point the subject was over. He called me when I was sleeping. I don’t remember but my mom said I yelled at him and told him not to call me again. Another friend called to tell me she was going out with him. I wanted to warn her but she told me how much she liked him what fun they were having. He took her to brunch and I guess they did nice normal stuff. I am glad he never hurt her. They stopped seeing each other a few months later without incident. I never understood why he hurt me and not her. I think it was because he knew I was somehow more vulnerable and weak. A few weeks later I went out with the new couple and a guy for me. All I remember is I drank that night and didn’t get home too late. I know nothing bad happened. I always felt guilty and bad about myself because I saw him a second time. I have recently read that people do that to change the narrative, so it doesn’t seem so bad. That was such a relief because I always thought there was something wrong with me for seeing him again. I know this will blow over but for now it is interfering with my recovery. I have been sexually harassed at work on occasion. Nothing too bad. I had a job where I was invited to a lot of meetings and conferences. I thought it was because I was smart and had a lot to offer. Now I wonder if the old guys just invited me to have someone fun to talk to at lunch. Nothing to gross happened but there were icky comments. Does anyone have any suggestions so that I can put this behind me….again?
Hi all!iam new to this site also new on antipsycotics. i believe you do great work about helping people from what i saw until now and i would like to say my problem to see if someone has experienced it and how can i possible deal with it.ok lets start recently my mother had an appoinment with her psyc doctor about me to talk about some issues.the days before that i did a minimun dose of MDMA .when i was on the docs office i started feeling fear and i said to him everything about what drugs i tried in the past.i was unable to conCetrate or talk normally i was feeling intense fear and panic for something bad will happen.the doctor said that iam on a psycosis episode and he told my mother that he needs to hospitalize me and to investigate what is happening to me.he prescribed me zyprexa about 10mg a day and after 3 days i went in to start the "therapy".the 1st days was ok the doctors was asking me things (for only 15-20 min a day) and i was really thinking that is a way to do good to myself cause i didnt knew. now the bad part begins. in day 10-12 on zyprexa i noticed changes in my breast start to grow but i didnt gave so much weight cause i was eating like a beast.then i started feeling like i could not have sex at all.i said these things to doctors and they were like "oh you might have that but they will go away".then i asked to stop the "therapy" but the doctor said he can not let me go out cause he thought i have an episode or something.my mother agreed and they kept me 5 more days in against my will.i refused to take anymore the zyprexa pill so they convinced me to take invega instead for 3 days.i took it cause i was something weird was goin on inside my head and i was convinced i need the pill cause iam mentally ill.anyway from that day i knew that keeping me in against my will and giving meds is illegal and the only thing i want was to go out and stop the pills(extremely difficult).at least i did it i went out of there but on the 17 day with a lot of pressure SO it might be a short time(21 days zyprexa and invega)taking that pills but i noticed these symptoms and i want your help (ITS BEEN A MONTH IAM OUT OF THESE DRUGS )BUT STILL HAVE THOSE SYMPTOMS my breast grew (not noticable from others but i believe that is the start of man boob thing) i have no libido lack of motivation lack of concentration anhedonia muscle stiffness some tremors on muscle still anhedonia depression more than ever feeling like a zombie lying in a bed all day suicidal thinking i want you to focus on the breast enlargement (man boob thing) and and the sexual dusfuntion am i have to be like this forever?anyone had gone through it ? also i have to say that i did hormonal test and my prolactin levels was back to normal and the testosterone levels was good too but my breast is still bigger and my libido and my sex drive is still messed up. i now that is not a serious thing to talk about but i need help and iam despaired i dont know what to do my parents and doctors dont believe me about all these things. also dont forget to say iam a mucisian iam playing drums and have a lot of interest on sports like skate and football.its like i lost my skills my interest i cant listen to music like i did and i cerntailny believe my legs are damaged due to the movement disorders now iam stucked in home crying and do nothing only searcing for other cases like me to reliefe the pain HELP I THINK MY LIFE SCREWED FOR EVER NOT LOVE MY SELFE ANYMORE ETC AND ALL THAT FOR 20 DAYS thank you for listening me
Hey, everyone. I thought I'd post this here because the site seems great so far. I was put on 80 mg of Prozac when I was 19. I'm trying to get off the drug now at 42. The Prozac has had a paradoxical effect on me but I never knew it (it's so obvious now it's beyond doubt) and I was wondering if it's also affected anyone else's around dating and sex. The short version is this: A. Way too much Prozac caused generalized anxiety/panic/hypervigilance at 19 years old. B. The anxiety destroyed my self-esteem around women and made made me desperate to prove to myself that women found me attractive C. I dated/slept with many women that I didn't even find attractive or knew weren't a good match for me all to prove to myself I had value as a person and as a man. D. I'd be super anxious during the date, then anxiety-free in bed, then anxious again after. When internet dating came along in the 1990s I went bonkers, like a kid in a candy store. E. All of this just disappeared when I hit 15 mg of Prozac a few months ago. I've deleted all my dating accounts and just seeing the icons makes me cringe. Reducing the dose has made me feel like a core part of who I am has been ripped out, but honestly, I'm happy to see it go. I recently went on a date at 15 mg with a woman who I know isn't a good match, and instead of obsessively thinking "It doesn't matter if she's a good match, all that matters is that I get to sleep with her" I found myself thinking, "Why am I on a date with this woman? She's young, blonde, and cute, but so what?" Has anyone else had their dating/sex lives impacted like this? None of my friends can relate, but they say they are trying to understand. I'm struggling with guilt and shame about some of the things I've done and the damage this has caused to my friendships and relationships, but at least knowing now that it's been caused by the drug has alleviated a lot of it. This has affected my entire adult life, so looking at a woman without wanting to sleep with her to boost my self worth is a totally new experience for me.
RegainingTheEdge posted a topic in Events, controversies, actionsI'm working on a book on antidepressants and intimacy - Regaining The Edge. We all know that antidepressants can blunt emotions and cause physical side effects, many of which interfere with intimate relationships directly (sexual side effects) and indirectly (e.g.., weight gain, nausea, diarrhoea, etc...). I want to fill the book with people's stories, the wisdom of experience. I am interested in strategies that worked to manage these side effects (and why and how they worked), as well as highlighting the daily struggle that many of us being treated for depression and other mental ills face, both with our mental health, but also the consequences of our treatment. There is a questionnaire on my site at RegainingTheEdge.com, as well as a contact form. I am also interviewing people one-on-one, either face-to-face if you live on the east coast of Australia, or via Skype or email if you live elsewhere. You can follow me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/regaintheedge. Please take the time to share your story with me - this is an important issue, one that has received scant regard to date. Michael