• Announcements

Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'withdrawal'.



More search options

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


Forums

  • Support
    • Read This First
    • Introductions and updates
    • Tapering
    • Symptoms and self-care
    • Finding meaning
    • Relationships
  • The commons
  • Current events
    • Events, controversies, actions
    • In the media
    • Success stories: Recovery from withdrawal
    • From journals and scientific sources

Found 227 results

  1. Merged topics Survey is easy, and should take about ten minutes. London university in conjunction with CEP, London and with support of Baylissa Frederick , Recovery Road, is conducting a survey about dependence and withdrawal from benzos, A/Ds, opiod painkillers or other drugs of dependence. Please, please, please reply. this is an opportunity not to be missed whatever country you live in. The results will be published in academic journals. Make it known how big this problem is and what services are needed. UK responses will inform UK policy. If we secure services in the UK other countries may follow the lead. Please share in other support groups. https://roehamptonpsych.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6gSHZN88sOmHDlr
  2. Hi all, I'm new here and would like to thank everyone for sharing their experience and helping others. I wish every one of you success on your path to recovery! My story and symptoms: 2 years ago I tapered off citalopram/escitalopram, because after 6 years taking it I built tolerance to it, as well as some unbearable sinusitis-like side effects. I was prescribed this drug for GAD treatment (for details see my signature below) During the 5th year on citalopram I started to feel its antidepressant effects slowly vanish, and I also noticed I couldn't handle much stress anymore. Actually, my working name for this problem is "impatient stress" and it's one of the most unpleasant symptoms. I would describe the feeling as a mix of impatience and stress without any apparent stressor. I rush to finish whatever I'm doing, but my muscles are clenching and I'm feeling strong physical and emotional unease, sometimes to the extent it feels I'm going to faint or have a heart attack. Kind of stress over-reaction to even simple tasks like chores. My body and mind force me to stop, although there is no apparent stressor. 2 years after getting off meds, this poor stress tolerance doesn't seem to get better, in fact it seems to be worse these days. I try to help my body deal with this artificial stress by supplementing vitamin C and magnesium, but it doesn't seem to have much effect (although it probably does help a bit) Somehow related to this is perhaps my extreme sensitivity to stimulants (tea, coffee, even chocolate). Even small doses make me agitated and anxious next day. At the moment I seem to be even more sensitive than I was a few months after withdrawal. Maybe it's because now I tend to really avoid stimulants as much as I can, which is probably making me more sensitive to them... But is my body going to readjust if I never expose it to such substances? Or is it better to avoid all stimulants and wait if my brain heals from hypersensitivity over time? What's your experience? For example, last week I tried two adaptogenic herbs (ashwagandha, rhodiola) for just a few days, in very small doses. Although I only ingested one capsule of rhodiola (which is 1/2 of recommended daily dose) it made me feel like a new person for two days in row! I felt great and focused. The next morning I had an erotic dream (which I normally don't have) and just when the dream got too exciting, I woke up with a terrible spike of agitation, which pretty much resembled the stressed-out feeling, but much more intense and terrifying. It only lasted a second, but it felt like I was losing my mind, as if I'm going to faint or vomit. Extremely unpleasant feeling. (It wasn't a panic attack though, these are completely different. I'm also familiar with these morning cortisol surges, but this was more like a momentary shock.) I could feel my heart beating strong. I never experienced such a strange shock and I was quite scared. Perhaps the single small capsule of Rhodiola (which apparently is a MAOI) messed up neurotransmitter levels too much? I would love to know what's your experience with hypersensitivity to stimulants following SSRI withdrawal. Did stimulants also trigger anxiety for you? Did you register any change over time? For the last 4 months I seem to be having some kind of anxiety episode triggered by emotional stress and accidental ingestion of green tea. The anxiety is getting worse every day, my sleep is getting shorter and shorter, giving rise to more anxiety. Is there a way to escape this vicious circle? Sometimes I have pinkeye. Not sure if it's something to worry about, I guess it's linked to sleep problems. There's also this sharp "pulling" sensation which I get from time to time in my hands or legs. Feels like if my veins were being pulled into body, shortened. Anyone experienced this? Just recently I started to have occasional chin twitches, although very subtle, hardly noticeable. I hope they'll go away once I manage the anxiety and bodily tension. And the last problem is lower back pain which I have ever since I discontinued SSRI, which makes me think that the physical damage to my back was done probably much earlier, but the pain has been temporarily suppressed by SSRI. Is it possible? Or maybe my lower back isn't damaged that much, but the elevated stress hormones intensify pain signalling in the body. I came to this hypothesis because last week, when I was in better mood for two days, the back pain almost vanished. I've practiced daily meditation for 2 years since withdrawal, I underwent 6 week CBT course, tried fasting, self-help books, supplements, etc. Meditation and CBT provided some help and I'll definitely keep using them. But still... these days I feel so anxious, sensitive, unstable... scared. Since I cannot handle any work load, I had to leave my job. I moved to my family's house, and recently I applied for disability pension (I hope I'll need it just for a few years). Everything has turned upside down for me. I feel I'm doomed to suffer for the rest of my life. I'm worried every day that the taper was too fast (I was so stupid to rush it), and I'm afraid my brain will never recover from the dependency on SSRIs, which terrifies me so much! Can you please help? Any ideas what might be happening with me in regards to the poor stress tolerance? What is actually going on there? Your experiences regarding any of these symptoms will be much appreciated! Do you think the damage is permanent? It's been 2 years now. Thank you! PS: As I'm rereading this post, it all seems so negative... But there are positives also - I'm no longer depressed these days. The depression transformed into anxiety 4 months ago, and although that's not necessarily a great thing one would desire, at least I know something is going on and I can feel motivated again.
  3. Hello everyone, Short history: I have a long history of On/Off misc. antidepressant use for various periods, icluding SSRIs & SNRIs and atypicals. In previous times, when I went off medication I didn't experience withdrawal but I guess that this bombardment of my brain with various chemicals left it scarred and vulnerable. My first withdrawal occured when I went off 150mg of Effexor XR (Venlafaxine). I took it for only 2 months (July-August 2015) and I experienced withdrawal over the course of 6 months (September 2015 - February 2016), in which I was pretty much disabled and all I did was wait until things will get better. Current state: After a reoccurence of severe depression, I felt desperate and went back on antidepressants. The psychiatrist suggested Vortioxetine (Brintellix/Trintellix), a "brand new" drug. I started from a dose of 5mg which I took for 1 week, then went up to 10mg which I took for 2 weeks, after that I went up to 15mg, severe itching ensued so I dropped back to 10mg. I stopped taking it after 1 week without tapering because Vortioxetine has a long half life. All in all, I took it for 4-5 weeks, and have been off it since August 2016. About a week after discontinuing, a myriad of symptoms appeared: Tight muscles in head/traps/shoulders/stomach, hot flashes, extreme irritability and agitation, impaired cognition (no concentration, focus, memory etc...), anhedonia, no motivation, akathisia, jaw pain. In general, I feel like my brain has been fried. Currently, I feel very confused and discouraged. Sometimes it seems that it's getting slightly better, sometimes I feel that no change occured and I'm still experiencing the symptoms in the same strength. I haven't tried any other medications apart from Propranolol in an effort to reduce the akathisia but it didn't help. I'm extremely hopeless, I cannot continue my life in this manner. I will meet the psychiatrist in the next week to discuss reinstatement, although I feel it will be the final nail in my brain's coffin. If anyone has any suggestions or can share his/her Vortioxetine experience I would be happy to hear. Thanks
  4. Hi everyone. I've been dealing with severe derealization, panic, insomnia, anxiety, depression, dizziness, vertigo, migraines, agitation, irritably etc. for 3 years now. I'm scared out of my mind. I am on geodon 20 mg 2x a day zoloft (I'm weening. Just went from 25 mg to 12.5 mg) remeon 7.5 mg 2x a day scheduled Ativan (5 mg total per day) i am at at the end of my rope. I believe be chronic insomnia is at the heart of the way I feel. I have recently come to the realization that the derealization could be coming from pharmaceuticals. In an attempt to feel better, I have started weening off Zoloft- under doc approval (had to start somewhere and this medication has never helped me). I have been on Zoloft for 13 years, since the birth of my son when I developed post pardum depression. Is it it possible that going off the Zoloft will help? Or is the derealization likely to get worse? I'm still on 12.5 mg. This is my 2nd day on 12.5 from 25 mg. I believe I went from 50 mg to 37.5 in mid July. Then only went from 37.5 to 25 mg a week ago. And started 12.5 yesterday. Is this too quick? Or should I stay on 12.5 for a couple weeks and see how I do? Sounds like medication withdrawal can certainly cause DP/DR, but is it possible that coming off of them can actually help? Will things ever get bettter? Any adcice woukd be greatly appreciated.
  5. Hi All, Yet another member of the OMG SSRI's I thought they were supposed to help me - club. My story. My mother is a schizophrenic - maybe related, maybe not, not sure. In my early 20's I struggled with fairly deep depression with anxiety - no specific reason or cause - again, I think it MIGHT have been inherited something from my mother. Got through that after a few years with help of good diet, reading a lot of self-help books, and finally travel. Had a fantastic childhood, always on the go. Deep interest in technology and IT. Moved from Australia to UK to travel and see world. Met loveliest lady in Victoria in 3 months! Instantly knew we were right. Happy. Never really was a "depressive" personality, fairly introverted and normally interested in lots of things. had some mood dips, took St Johns Wort occassionally - not sure if it did much, but low moods NEVER last long for me. I'd always bounce back. But nothing major. Anyway - flashforward to about 2008. In a job in IT. Had an extremely stressful situation build and build - sought help internally in the company - wasn't really helped much. Finally my wife got me to goto her regular GP doc. She signed me off for 1 month of work, gave me some of tranquilizer which I didn't like at all, and 10mg of Lexapro. She said I might feel MORE anxious starting Lexapro - I was a bit sceptical... but went along with it. Work situation was sorted out, went back to work. Was ok. Wasn't nearly as interested though, felt less "sharp" and less switched on. Thought it was that I was just over the job. After approx 18 months (I really didn't take notice of a lot of the dates back then) I thought right lets stop the tablets. Took 5mg for 2 weeks and stopped. Started getting the brain zaps - they weren't THAT bad, thougth they were weird and interesting more than anything else. What got me was the intense muscle aches and crippling depression and extreme confusion and brain fog. After a few days of suffering with this and being very irritable, my wife said "For god sake, take your med!!" So I swallowed that 10mg tablet and a few hours later, started to feel more human again. Thats when I was like omg I'm stuck on these things. Went to see the doc who put me on them, and she completely dismissed me saying they're not addictive. I didn't see her again, got repeats from other doctors who seemed to understand the situation a bit better. I went on my merry way thinking, I'll deal with coming off them another time - later when things are better. Fast forward a few more years, in 2 newer jobs - again, struggling mentally to learn new things and retain things, and "care" about the job. Started to get dizzy spells - 5-10 seconds, tingling in feet, and growing apathy, slowly losing more and more interest in hobbies and interests, really having to push myself. Felt like I was in a rut... just felt "off", not myself, and constantly like I'm about to come down with the flu or something. Was it my teeth? Something wasn't right. Just notched it up to being in a rut, and "getting older"... not sure why I thought that, but thats how I rationalized it. I started getting SORT of brain zaps, even though I was taking my meds daily. I was doing half of a 20mg tablet for years to save costs (the 20mg cost same as 10mg here in AUS). Eventually something clicked in my brain that I wasn't feeling right, starting googling my symptoms and eventually found people on SSRI's having similar - came to various sites like survivingantidepressants and paxilprogress etc etc etc, and there were literally 10,000's of people in the same boat. Finally an answer! I still couldn't quite work out exactly what was going on with me though. As I felt bad on 10mg, the thought of DROPPING in dose scared me - and I did something very very silly (in hindsight).... and took myself upto 20mg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know, I know. I started to feel better, but my brain was still "drugged", but I was feeling as if my brain was getting oxygen. I stayed there for about 2-3 weeks, and went down to 15mg - getting quite strong waves of anxiety, but it was still better than the "nothing" I'd been feeling... also got a little "high" with a fair bit of energy - and "windows" of very clear thinking... they didn't last very long though. My aim was to "kick-start my brain" and get back to 10mg to then start tapering properly. I jumped to 20mg in around sept or oct 2014, then 3 weeks later to 15mg. when I got back to 10mg I started getting waves of muscle aches (to me that is the WORST withdrawal symptom - I literally cannot stand that feeling of deep pain in my body - same when I get the flu too). Was taking some codeine and ibuprofen to take edge off, as well as a mouthful of Omega 3, Magnesium, NAC, and Choline supplements - as well as a multivitamin. Overall, I didn't feel TOO bad, some dizziness, whooshy feelings, lightheaded, some concentration issues etc, but nothing I couldn't push through. But I was having some waves of being interested again - which I loved... although I could STILL "feel" the Lexpro suppressing my emotions and perception ability, like things don't really penetrate, like you have cotton wool around you. Anyway - I felt "stable" on 10mg again... and dropped to 7.5mg.... I was at that for about 4 weeks. I was hoping to feel stable on it, but the muscle aches kept coming and going, seeming to get a bit worse with each wave, then I started to get waves of depression along with it, each "wave" seemed to be worse than the last. After 4 weeks I thought I would be over the worst of it, and I als thought I'd be stable for Xmas time with the family. WRONG! I got good news about a new job - and was able to quit current job quickly - and spend 2 weeks at home. Great. wrong. Crashed BIG TIME, on couch - could barely move, felt incredibly depressed, felt like lead in my arms and legs, and couldn't get off couch. ARGH - not now!!! went back to 10mg tablet - started to feel a bit of relief.. but it now seems after 1 week of being on 10mg that the symptoms are getting to me aghain - slowly building muscle aches and depression... So the reason I'm here - I can't seem to get to a stable dose again... so do I need to go UP to 15mg to get "stable" and taper slowly from there? I'm really confused as to what I need to do now. I've got a bottle of liquid Lexapro, although it is 10mg /1ml which is very potent. I've got an oral syringe to help measure out the doses. But I really don't know what I should do now. Any advice??
  6. Mods feel free to move this if there's already a similar topic. I was wondering if anyone on here is trying to withdraw whilst trying to parent very small (under 10) children. I'm looking for a thread to share tips, advice, and empathy. Feel free to check out my intro thread for information on me. Thanks! Let's do this thing. =)
  7. The Council for Evidence Based Psychiatry in the UK alongside Baylissa Fredericks are conducting a survey to use for a worldwide research project into experiences of withdrawal and the services people feel would help them. It will be used in part to assist work in the UK done by the British Medical Association project into Prescribed Drug Dependence (Antidepressants, benzos, opioids / z-drugs) but will also form the basis of a research paper backed by the University of Roehampton which will seek to determine worldwide experiences of psych drug withdrawal. Please click on the link below and follow the instructions. The survey is quite detailed and asks you to recount the effect that withdrawal has had on your life. Best Wishes http://cepuk.org/2017/08/10/cep-2017-prescribed-drug-withdrawal-survey/
  8. Hi everybody. My name is Gus from Australia. I think i may have found the right site here. I've been on effexor 150mg/day (most of the time. 200mg/day at worst times, 100/day at better times)for about 11 years, was on zoloft, aropax and citolopram for short times beforehand. I wish i'd found this site earlier as it has some great advice for tapering. Too late though as i've already done that with a set of ebay scales and a calculator. Tapered over about 4 months(yeah i know, too fast according to this site). Even still, a lot slower than the doctors would have me do it. I'd just got down to 75mg and a dr told me to go on 37.5 for 2 weeks then just stop. I took his precription to avoid an arguement and threw it in the bin once i got home. Once i got down to about 60mg/day i only dropped it by about 5mg/week. I've been on zero for just over 9 weeks. If my wife hadn't suggested i try her magnesium powder(as it may help with stress) i'd be a complete mess. This stuff really helps. Are there many people out there who can please tell me how long it took to get back to where you were before you started effexor? What kind of symptoms, waves and windows you had and how often did you have each and how long did they last each time you had them? Also, i've heard omega 3's are usefull. Can anyone please tell me how so? What do they relieve and how much to take? Any informed/positive replies are very welcome. Regards, Gus.
  9. Hello fellow withdrawers (if that's a word), I'm Bokart and I'm here on a journey to quit my medication of Olanzapine. Down to 7,5 mg at the moment (see my signature). My story short: back in February 2015 I got admitted in psych ward due to psychosis (due to my destroyed sleep because of my night-shift work). There began my involuntary medication of Olanzapine, which pulled me out of a psychosis, so at least it did some good. I was released from the hospital after two weeks of being there. Now, after jojoing with my olanzapine dose (see signature), I'm finally set to quit it for good. I found this community after searching for succesfull withdrawal stories on the internet and found this community to be great, people being helpful and supportive and giving good advice... I know it can get rough when I approach smaller doses so I do know I will need support. And hopefully I can give support too and offer people hope after and during my taper. I know lots of people are in the same boat as me. Why I want to quit? I got no sexuality anymore, my motivation lacks big time, even personal hygiene is suffering because of that. I can't memorize things like before - learning is difficult. I have very little emotions left in me, basically I'm a dumbed down version of myself nowadays with this drug. I have little social skills - which I would badly need because I plan on working with children in school so some situational awareness is needed (I might have to quit my studies due to me making no progress in my studies... due to this drug). No happines, no enjoying things, lethargy and demotivation... About my psychosis, after it was gone I haven't had any symptoms of it returning (like delusions, paranoia, hallucinations), even after trying to quit my drug cold turkey once, which I see as a good sign. Now I don't want to slip into psychosis again so I need to be extra careful with my taper. After I hit 5,625 mg I will go on tapering by feeling, so no reductions until I feel stable enough. My main concern is sleep. I have a prescribed medication of temazepam (a benzodiazepine), which I can use when my insomnia has hit a threshold of needing immediate attention. I'm trying to limit my use of it to every three days to prevent tolerance and dependence (I know benzodiazepine withdrawals can be bad). But the thing is, lack of sleep led me to psychosis once, so it is a big deal to me. I need at least one night on a while to hit at least 4 hours of uniterrupted sleep, which 40 mg of temazepam does. I've tried many other sleep aids such as low to medium dose of quietiapine (no effect), low to medium dose of levomepromazine (didn't help), low dose of doxepine (no effect), even melatonine and l-tryptophan and 5-htp and none of those helped. One thing that helped me though was phenibut combined with temazepam - I slept 13 hours with that combination! So I know I have an emergency brakes on my train now (assuming that combination works again, haven't taken phenibut in 2 months to avoid tolerance and dependency), but I'm planning on limiting the use of this combination to once a month. On this dose of 7,5mg I'm currently having 2-3 hours of good uninterrupted sleep plus 3-4 hours of bad, constantly waking up kind of sleep So, thank you all for being here! And I wish a speedy recovery to those who are withdrawing from their drugs, we are all here together.
  10. Hi everyone, I'm wanting advice on how to taper if my withdrawal symptoms are delayed - ie they occur several months after the taper is completely finished. If I have no symptoms during taper, should I proceed to the 'Fast Taper' guidelines (4 weeks x2, then 3weeks x2, then 2 weeks x2, then weekly until done)? In the past I have thought I was relapsing, and resumed the medication. Now I understand it was probably WD from too fast a taper (4 months). Any thoughts? Tikki Tikki
  11. Hello everyone. Although I feel like maybe I'm not as bad as many many people here, I would still like to share my story, since I have been through some suffering lately. Hope I don't bother you. Tl;dr: When I reinstated Luvox I started having depression, terrible feelings of hopelessness, dread and doom, no joy in activities or life in general, lack of purpose or meaning in life, and no love for my boyfriend, which troubles me the most. I never had depression before. Wondering if it was the Luvox and starting to taper, but afraid... So it all began when I was 9 years old. I started having severe panic attacks and anxiety out of nowhere. Afraid to die, afraid my parents would die because they were older than "normal" (used to call my mom every 5 minutes to see if she was alive), afraid of death in general. After a while, I was seeing a psychiatrist for children and started taking Clomipramine, don't know the dosage, until I was 12. I don't remember much because it was 13 years ago, but I don't recall any problems with withdrawal. From that point until I was 21, everything was fine. I would ocasionally have shortness of breath and that kind of stuff, but completely manageable. I was always a very good student (my mom told me they had an IQ test or something and they said I was "gifted", but we never explored that so I don't think it's really important), I practised sports, I learned to play the piano, I always had a great social life, very active. Now, in 2013, when I was 21 years old, everything went downhill. I was in a relationship since 2011 and it was not a great one, we would fight a lot, he would always break up with me, changing is mind about loving me on a weekly basis, insulting me, saying nobody would like me if they really knew me, etc. This relationship lasted until 2015, mainly because of my inability to let it go, as I thought I could never be happy again without him. In 2013, I had a huge anxiety and panic attacks crisis. I was also diagnosed with ocd (obsessive thoughts with mental compulsions, have little to none physical ones). Started on Sertraline but rapidly stopped because I couldn't tolerate the dizziness and nausea and it would make me more anxious. They put me on Xanax for 3 months and I tapered it in one month. Spent two horrible days with insomnia and EXTREME anxiety, but after those two days, it all subsided. Two months later (February 2014) I was worse (panic attacks, dp/dr, etc) and was put on Luvox (fluvoxamine - 50mg). It was well tolerated, and it helped me for two years, but I noticed I would still have anxiety and the obsessive, I just wouldn't reach the point of a panic attack. About a year and a half in, I started taking 25mg and everything was ok. Now where it got worse. In April 2016 I started to taper it with the help of my psychiatrist (whom doesn't really talk to me for more than 5 or 10 minutes, doesn't believe Luvox made me gain 33 pounds in under a year, and told me it usually had no bad effects). He told me to start taking it every other day (the 25mg) for a week, then every two days for a week, then every three days, etc. At this point, my previous relationship was over for a year and I was starting a new one. When I was taking it every two days, I started having SEVERE DP/DR and PANIC ATTACKS. I was told to take the 25mg everyday. It didn't work and he told me to raise to 50mg. Well, the panic attacks have stopped but the worse came. Since I was back on 50mg, I started to feel unhappy. I have a great boyfriend now, who really supports me and cares about me, I am studying psychology with very good grades, so everything is fine I guess. But I started to feel disconnected and detached. I feel no joy, no happiness in activities I used to enjoy. I reduced my going out of home very very much, sometimes spending a week without leaving my house and bed. I find no purpose in life, no sense (mybe it is an existential crisis, used to have them but not to this extent). I sometimes feel very frustrated and cry from hopelessness. I don't know what to do. Somedays I don't feel anything at all. On new years I was downtown watching the fireworks and suddenly I felt detached and very nervous and had to go home. My boyfriend came with me and it was ok after a while. But I can't stop feeling sad and with no joy. And the WORST OF ALL, sometimes I don't feel love for my boyfriend I know I love him, I think I do, but I can't feel it. I used to feel love so so so deeply and it is so strange to me. I told this to my psychiatrist and he said it was normal with the antidepressant but there was no problem and I had to keep taking it and he told me I had depression because of the anxiety, ocd and panic attacks. But I feel I just got worse since I reinstated it. I never had depression before and I had this since I was 9... Do you think maybe it is the Luvox? I am thinking of finding another psychiatrist since mine says that withdrawal from antidepressants is not usual and it was my symptoms coming back. But i reinstated it and I just got worse and worse. I sometimes think of suicide, but not in a "I want to do it" kind of way, nor finding relief in it. On the contrary, I feel so hopeless and purposeless that I fear it might come the time that there is no other way and it really scares me, since one of my great fears is dying and ceasing to exist. I want to taper it but I am afraid I am broken already and I have no hope. I don't want to feel the terrible withdrawal symptoms but I can't take this anhedonia anymore. It makes me so, so sad. I also sleep for more than 12 hours a day and sometimes I don't even see the light of day. I just want to feel happy again, but I am afraid I have no hope at that, that I will be depressed forever. What do you think? Sorry for the long post, but I needed to talk to someone that might have experienced the same as I do. Thank you so much, hope you all feeling well on your journey.
  12. http://cepuk.org/2017/08/10/cep-2017-prescribed-drug-withdrawal-survey/ This survey is being done in the UK but they are open to anyone who wants to participate. It is very thorough and provides lots of space for comments. Please have a look and pass it on.
  13. I started taking gabapentin about six years ago when a colleague of mine gave me a bottle of it. My emotions and energy did a 180 degree turn on the first dose. I think I fall into the small percentage of people who have an almost psychedelic GABA-induced reaction from gabapentin, with heightened body sensations, brightened color perception, superior cognitive abilities, and surges of creativity. I finally obtained a prescription and stayed on 900 mg per day for about three years, and then 1500 mg per day for about three more. During that time, I got addicted to Adderall for about six months after I decided to return to school. I underwent a short period of psychosis as I raised the dose and became sleep deprived/malnourished. This was about two or three years ago. My most recent addiction has been with phenibut, an OTC anxiolytic, that brings with it a "pseudo benzo" withdrawal upon discontinuation. This was about one year ago. I am now using rhodiola rosea, which is very helpful all-around. I was also born with hypothyroidism and take Synthroid and Cytomel. I have tapered down to 900 mg of gabapentin: I maintained a 1200 mg dose for a bout six months and have been on 900 for about two months. I want to stop it because it is now only a shadow of what it was in the beginning. It still sometimes offers relief from anxiety and depression, but now almost seems to be inducing both. Each time I have lowered the dose I have felt some anxiety for about a month. I am also having some nerve pain in my extremities, needles and electrical shocks. The most bothersome symptom is a rigidity and stiffness in my limbs, along with a lack of coordination. I notice it mostly at my job when standing and pivoting. I almost feel frozen as if my nerve communication is short-circuiting. Does this sound familiar to anyone as being related to the withdrawal? It seemed like it occurred before I began the taper, and that the other drugs I have taken (and since ceased) aggravated it. I am noticing it more profoundly now, and I noticed when I quit phenibut and when I was taking Vyvanse for one month. My taper plan is going to be decrease by one 300 mg capsule every four to six months: 900, 600, 300, 0. Is this doable? What can I expect in terms of withdrawal. I am using magnesium citrate and an epsom salt rinse, and it is helping significantly, especially with morning anxiety. Is there anything else I can do? I am glad to have found this forum. Any assistance is much appreciated.
  14. Hi everyone, just wanted to share my story (and hopefully my eventual recovery). I am 20 years old, and was 19 when I started on 50mg of Sertraline I was prescribed it in Feb 2015 for social anxiety and took it for a month. Quit cold turkey because I felt pretty depersonalised, and cause of the sexual side effects. All of my symptoms came on during my time on the drug or shortly afterwards. They are: Dulling of emotion/Anhedonia - Have felt sadness a few times, and anger a few times. No joy, no passion, maybe some flashes of love but that's it. Unable to relate to characters in books/TV. Dimunition of visual imagination - I used to daydream constantly prior to taking the drug. Since cold turkeying the pictures in my mind are very blurred and I am no longer able to daydream. Loss of creativity - Before the drug I used to read a lot, and when I read I always felt like ideas were constantly popping into my brain. Since I stopped medication this no longer happens. I feel like I am reading the words on the page very superficially.. Physical numbness in brain - Feels like there's a great pressure in the frontal lobe of my head, almost like it is torn (but there is no pain) PSSD - No libido, anorgasmia, difficulty getting and maintaining erections (too much information but I want to be thorough here) No fatigue behind eyes - this one isn't necessarily negative, but since stopping the drug my eyes never get tired regardless of how much time I spend using screens or reading. Possible other symptoms that could be unrelated: Muscle twinges (very mild), worsening of eyesight (20/20 vision pre medication), urine delay (is considerably better now) Improvements - I saw very positive changes when it came to anorgasmia and erections around 6 months into my withdrawal. Unfortunately it seems like in the past 2 months things have gone back to square one. The physical pressure in my head varies a lot, and is definitely much better than it was at the start of my withdrawal (though it still gets very bad). I couldn't read for the first 6 months of this withdrawal because I got absolutely no enjoyment out of it and that was depressing because I used to love reading prior to the drug. Now I read a bit, and it feels nicer than doing nothing I guess, but seriously if that's an improvement in my anhedonia then it's 0% to 1%, because I still have zero positive emotion. General - I feel hopeless about recovery a lot of the time. I have suicidal thoughts but would never commit suicide because of the effect that would have on my mum. I browse through the forums looking for recovery stories, but it seems like most people who recover haven't had this constant anhedonia, and were in a more turbulent emotional withdrawal. If anyone who is in my position, or anyone who was in my position but recovered, could reply I'd be very grateful. Many thanks, Raven
  15. I am 54 years old, and experienced my first manic episode, starting 1st November of last year, requiring a month of involuntary hospitalisation starting 14th November brought on by numerous stressors. I was on Lithium and Haloperidol, from the 15th Nov, then ±900mg Lithium and 0.5mg Risperidone from the 15th Jan . I started tapering the Risperidone from the Feb 16th. My last dose was 0.125mg on 15 March. How long will the withdrawal symptoms last? The reason why I'm asking is I'd also like to know if I am experiencing withdrawal symptoms or bipolar depression? The intense depressive feelings arrive and leave suddenly and unexpectedly, sometimes lasting a few minutes, sometimes a few hours, after which I feel mildly depressed again, which is a general state. I am able to be lifted, for example by gardening, good cooking, humour etc, during this general milder state. I have general anxiety about several factors which triggered the original mania, namely money (increased now, due to difficulty working), accommodation for my and my spouse's ageing parents who are both difficult to work with, those being by far the most major among other stressors. I have found that very carefully-considered and rare - perhaps twice a week - use of Diazepam can also return me to this state from the more intense state. I intended to start tapering the Lithium once I feel more stable and know myself better after this current tapering. I apologise if this has been covered before, but I find reading and writing about my condition extremely stress inducing, which is to say getting to this point has not been easy. I am eternally grateful in advance for the help.
  16. G'day folks! I've only just arrived, I've read a few threads here, but not had much to say. I've been lucky, really. Because I'm not heavily medicated and never have been - I've fought that every step of the way. Likewise, I've never been hospitalized or jailed - I've fought against that every step of the way. It started in my 20's when Doc's decided that my depression would clear up better with a bit of Prozac. Just to help me "over the bump" until I had frank hallucinations, watching Bigfoot amble about in traffic and around town. Time to get off the Prozac. So I go off, and persist in an empty marriage with unfulfilling work. So the Doc's (I can't even remember which Doctors did this, it's strange because I was in a new town in Indiana, and you'd think I"d remember going to the clinic or Doc's office, but oh well) prescribe Zooloft. I get jittery and palpitations, so I go off again. Over the next 10 years, from about 25-35, I'm prescribed various antidepressants, and most of them fail. The only one to stick was Wellbutrin, but I get ahead of myself. So after these 3 month each infusions of brain chemical bursts, for 10 years, is it any wonder that when the marriage fell apart in 1995 I went full blown, psychotic mad manic? At the time I described it as if a weight that I had held on my shoulders for years and years was suddenly pulled away and I came unstuck. I was talking to bees (and making contracts with them), stalking potential lovers, stripping my clothes off in the woods so as to be "invisible," paranoid that the lights in my windows were UFO's. This was not treated by medical doctors as mania. Nor was it treated as psychosis at any time: because here is the key - even though I was mad and manic, I was LUCID. I could tell you, "This just isn't right, I need to get help." Ergo, I escaped hospitalization, and the overdrugging that happens there. This was treated with yet another antidepressant (Wellbutrin?) and antianxiety meds (likely Xanax). I met a yoga guru at about that time, and he "cleaned me up" and stabilized me but that was another abusive relationship - because now I "owed him" my life. I was on Wellbutrin for 3 years after this, but the depression just kept sinking deeper and deeper as I had sold my soul to this yogi. When I told the yogi, finally, to go away, that I would be happier without him telling me "who to be," and "how to be it," I got marginally better. At the same time I met my birthfamily, Birth Mom, birth aunt, a sister and 2 brothers. When I got the family history and heard about great-grandma hanging in the shower, and grandma finding her, and the resultant paranoia about menopause this caused....when I heard about the uncles who were chameleons and bigamists....I thought, well. Maybe I am "manic depressive" or "bipolar." So again: with lucidity and clarity I presented myself to the hospital charity system for treatment. to be continued.......
  17. Hi all, I could really use anyone's experience or advice here as i'm in a very fragile mental state. My history I was diagnosed with OCD and severe anxiety in 2011. I was put on SSRI's and they did eliminate my symptoms but it also resulted in several other symptoms such as chronic fatigue and motivation and emotional blunting. I tried cycling through the SSRI's (see history below) to see if I could do better but none of them ended up removing the side effects. In the past I had tried tapering off the antidepressants (usually over the course of a month with no success, I used to get severe brain zaps and anxiety). My history of SSRI/SNRI's are below: 2011-2013 (Lexapro 20mg)2013-2014 (Sertraline 200mg, Prozac 20mg, Luvox 50mg, cycled through with help of psychiatrist, stopped due to other side effects such as sleep issues or anxiety)2014-2016 (Lexapro 20mg then Prozac 20mg)2017 June (Pristiq 50mg)2017 June - Now (Not medicated) My Journey Getting of SSRI/SNRI I have been on SSRI's and SNRI's for a total of 7 years when I decided to go see a wholistic doctor who said he could help me get off anti-depressants using high dose vitamins (Pfieffer technique) (I can provide doses of the vitamins if interested, some of the doses are very high Vitamin b6 250mg, Zinc 75mg etc.) I started the vitamins in May 2017 and was able to slowly stop Pristiq. It did help blocking the withdrawal symptoms (brain zaps). After stopping (and still taking the vitamins) I still felt the effects of the anti depressants (emotional numbing, no sex drive) but I also had no anxiety and no suicidal thoughts (I was unhappy but stable). The anti depressant effects had persisted after I stopped taking them. I thought all was fixed and I had to wait months for the negative side effects to reverse (no sex drive, fatigue). The event that triggered severe symptoms and relapse In July, I went overseas and had several very stressful events (breaking up with girlfriend, anxiety of being in a new country, a death in the family) and it is as if my brain delayed the withdrawal symptoms. It changed me. I now have severe general anxiety and depression (including suicidal thoughts and intense feelings of loneliness). The main symptom that is worrying me is a constant feeling that my perception is restricted/blurred and constantly feel disoriented, it is as if i'm feeling drunk all day and it is hard to process anything, people will talk to me and sometimes nothing registers. This is really worrying me (has anyone heard of anything like this? Is it withdrawal?) It is very hard to get through a day of work. It is okay in the morning and gets progressively worse as the day goes on. I'm not getting brain zaps so i'm not sure if it is withdrawal symptoms but I'm very worried right now. The only thing I can think of is to go back on 10mg Lexapro to see if the anxiety/depression and disorientation disappear. I have tried Omega 3 and it has not resolved the disorientation, I am already taking high dose Magnesium as well. Can anyone provide any information regarding these symptoms and if they have experienced it before? (Especially the drunk and disoriented feeling)? Has anyone had a stressful life event completely change the symptoms they were feeling? I don't know what to do. Thank you, LogicalScout from Sydney
  18. Hi - I have used this site as a non-member for about two years now. Finally I have joined. I am almost three years out from the last time I took "meds" - in this case 10mgs of Lexapro. My story is that in Jan 2011 I started Lexapro 10 mg after a 10 minutes' consultation with a doctor. The basis for the prescription was that I had started having feelings of anxiety in confined spaces and had had anxiety attacks on plane and underground. In retrospect I should have relied on counselling as I was being bullied at work. I remained on that dosage until July 2014. It had had the effect of lessening feelings felt at both ends of the scale - fear and pleasure. I become more numb. I gained weight. Other things changed. Family thought I'd become someone else - harsher. I didn't even cry when my Nan died. At that point I wanted to be free from the stuff. Tapered following a doctor's schedule; with drops of 2.5 mg each three weeks. Once stopped in early Sept 2014, I had severe withdrawals. I was then prescribed Prozac and took it in Oct 2014 for three weeks but had adverse reaction and CT it. I've had protracted withdrawal ever since Sept 2014. Supplement I now take are magnesium, fish oil, turmeric, vit D, melatonin (but recently it's made me depressed), castus vitex capsule with ginger, withania, Vit E, zinc, Lutein for PMS. Most distressing symptoms remaining are DP/DR, anxiety, sensitivities e.g. supplements like melatonin that can affect mood/anxiety, light sensitivity and to a lesser extent noise and movement sensitivity (can bring on anxiety and DP), concentration issues, also don't like crowds or feeling trapped, fatigue and stress intolerence (lose it at the smallest emotional things).
  19. Hi, So quick background.. i took LUVOX (fluvoxamine) a few years ago and was able to come off of it safely and with minimum withdrawal. (I reduced 50mg at a time over a few months) (I know this wasn’t the right way to taper but I didnt know at the time) I took Luvox again this year and as I been withdrwaling, I realize it is MUCH harder. I can BARELY withdrawal 10mg at a time and I strongly feel the withdrawal. I been withdrawing less than 5% to. It just does not make sense to me that I withdrew much faster and easier before and now it is so much harder the second time... I don’t think it has todo with my diet or stress. If you Any thoughts as to why this is, it would be great thanks...
  20. After successfully being on 20mg citaloprom having become depressed after the sudden death of my mother for about 8 years it pooped out sending me into dizziness,panic attacks etc for a couple of weeks then I felt fine. That was about 2 years ago. Three months later developed rash on face and diarrhoea, sleep disturbances, cramps and bruising on arms. Put on different drugs by gp none of which got rid of these symptoms then gp decided it was probably anxiety so prescribed ssri's again. Each one he tried me on I had dreadful reactions to. Sent to a psychiatrist who prescribed cipralex in drop form to build up slowly and then my hell for the past two and a half years started. From the onset of taking the drug increasing by one drop every third day I would have 24 hour panic/anxiety no appetite nausea fatigue. This went on for about three months and then what I now know as a window appeared for about a week only to plunge straight down again. That is how my life has been until last summer my gp told me I needed to see a psychologist as still suffering badly. Rang my psychiatrist to ask him and he said he felt my problems were not in the head but probably systemic so to see an endocrinologist. After various tests for adrenal thyroid etc he said all fine but felt steroid inhaler I had been on for about 4 years could be causing problems. Looked up side effects of inhaler and yes skin rash anxiety etc all matched. September last year came off the rash, cramps etc all disappeared and even put on a few of the 10 pounds weight I had lost since this started. Felt fine for a couple of weeks then crash back into another wave and that is how it has been ever since with severe waves of anxiety, loss of appetite, nausea, extreme fatigue. Then paid privately to see a gp in the hope he would help. His decision was the cipralex was aggravating me and to stop the eight drops a day immediately. I dropped a drop every two days and felt brilliant for five weeks apart from the brain zaps, nightmares,insomnia, dizziness then back came the raging anxiety, extreme fatigue, panic, nausea, loss of appetite. I have given in this morning and taken two drops of cipralex I don't know if I have done a stupid thing or not, whether it is too little or I should have just suffered for longer. Since this first started I seem incapable of taking any drugs or antibiotics without severe reaction Can anyone help?
  21. I'm not saying that it is, but what if it were? I was watching videos and reading articles from MIA about the evils of ECT. I wanted to update and figure out my views because I've been so depressed at times that I would have accepted a tradeoff: 10% of my memories and functioning just for the pain to end. The evil tradeoff of neuroleptics and ECT. I remember being called by a friend, a father, and he was in tears over his 18 yo daughter's episode and hospitalization, as he told me "They want to give her ECT." And I, in my ignorance, said what mainstream medicine was saying at the time (and still): "ECT isn't like it used to be. It can be effective. Ultimately you will have to decide. There can be memory loss, but it can 'reboot the brain.'" Yes. I said that. So I have an interest in getting it right, how bad, how dangerous, what effects, and, the perverse one: HOW many shocks of HOW high over HOW LONG a period? (this always makes my heart sink) So I was thinking about ECT, and the "it's better now" phenomenon, supposedly improved by the use of anesthetics and oxygen. Then my brain leaped to Irving Kirsch and: A psych drug is no better than placebo (I mentioned this to my Pdoc who was quite flustered over drug info I was providing her that was going to change her practice - discontinuation of Reboxetine in the Australian market, and why - side effects, ineffective) A psych drug is no better than placebo. In one video I watched the psychologist said that there were studies done with "placebo" shocks. How does one do that, exactly? Then I thought about all the elements, and lit on OXYGEN. What if people who were withdrawing had access to oxygen, and could take 10 minutes 2x a day. Flooding the brain, cleansing it out, cleansing the blood. I wasn't even thinking about the fancy, heavy duty, ever popular hyperbaric chamber oxygen. I was just talking about a tank like Grandma used to have after her heart attack. Just a little restful time with the mask. It might teach you some mindfulness and stillness, as you sat with your tank. It might improve your organ function, including your brain. It might even help you emote (emote means: to move, or, take those feelings and MOVE them instead of sitting on them, churning with them, etc.). And here's the clincher: HOW could it be harmful? I mean compared to all of the other therapies that are offered now. I was thinking specifically about psych drug withdrawal, but if that is successful, maybe it could expand to depression? Or help with something like PTSD as combined with other therapies - it may even make a difference in autism or schizophrenia (I know, but they medicate for autism, too) Has it ever been studied before? I'm not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, surely someone smart has thought of it? Tried it? Maybe I've just wasted your time, but I was intrigued by this thought and don't know where else I could share it. JC
  22. Hello, I am new to this site and not sure how it works. Need some info and perhaps some reassurance.; I've been having a history depression and anxiety since my teenage years, I am 49 years old, which I have been able to manage it more or less. I attempted to use the antidepressants but also had an adverse reaction that I was not able/ready to put up with. Yet, living with the depression isn't easy either. In short, yet again, I started taking Lexapro last October in order to deal with the painful state of depression, and did seem to work in the past. I increased the dose very slowly from 2 mg and started feeling much better in January, at the 7 mg. At the same time I started some problems with my memory (to the point of a few seconds of blackouts) , persistent fatigue and lingering morning anxiety, and problems with the night sleep. The psychiatrist dismissed my memory problems, attributed my fatigue to the depression and decided to see if my sleep would approve. He also told me to increase my dose slowly aiming for 15 mg at some point. However, when I reached 8.9 mg, I could hardly function: feelings of being very unwell and under the weather allowed me to function only until lunch time, after which I would need to recline somewhere for the rest of the day. I started tapering on the 24 Mars and today is the 2nd day of 4.25 mg of Lexapro. I didn't follow the 10 per cent protocol, and my doses were fluctuating within 0.5 - 1 mg depending on my physical and emotional symptoms. However, in the last 10 days I've started having a strange heavy sensation in my head, it's difficult to describe, They are not brain-zaps, just uncomfortable feeling: a mix of resembling kind of heaviness, fogginess, slight headache and feeling/sensation. I have put this down to cutting down sugar and change in my diet (transitioning to being vegan). However, this sensation 8 days later is still there. In addition, I have got muscle ache at the minimum effort, have been unable to jog and do much of the physical activities for the past 3 days: stopped exercising, want to isolate, difficult to concentrate and get on with my daily activities. I do have "waves" when I do feel better for an hour upon awaking and yesterday, after I spent 3 hours on the sofa! We are in the process of moving , also need to book a holiday but I am feeling incapable of doing anything. So frustrating! Emotionally, I am not depressed though.... In addition, feeling rather scared, is it due to the antidepressants and will my brain heal and gets "remodeled" back? Have I got some other serious medical condition? In ideal world I would like to get off this drugs that do not work well for me and find some ways of dealing with the anxiety and depression, unfortunately, I did manage in the past to taper off the meds without too many problems only to get depressed 4-9 months later and be back on them. If this is what I feel are withdrawals, I am quite surprised why I had not experienced them in my past tapers? I would really welcome and would greatly appreciate any feedback and input! I also would like to know, if I should wait it out and stabilise on 4.25mg of Lexapro or need to updose it? Thank you in advance F47
  23. Hello, After a couple of months of reading some of the posts on this forum, I have decided to join, because basically it seems that I have PSSD. As you will see from my signature strip, I have been on escitalopram at various doses for just over 7 years (finally came off in January of this year (2017)). My history on this drug probably looks a bit confusing. Basically I went on the drug late in 2009 for anxiety that I was suffering. I only intended to be on it for a short time – maybe 6 months – whilst I made some important decisions about my future. But my doctor at that time provided no guidance on coming off the drug. I came off very quickly and crashed. It basically took me about 3 attempts like this to finally realise I could not come off it quickly. In the end it has been a long and slow process with some bumps along the way, but finally I am off the drug – but it took 7 years. I am male and now in my mid-thirties. Anyway, whilst on the drug I suffered from sexual side effects, which from what I have read is very common. But it was in late 2013 that I found out just how much the drug was affecting me. I started a relationship with a girl who although I liked much, I could feel no deep emotion with. Basically I could not fall in love with her. At first I could not understand what was wrong with me, but one day shortly into our relationship I suspected the drug. After a simple ‘Google search’ I had the answer. This combined with the sexual side effects of the drug just made it impossible for me really and in early 2014 we split up. It was at this point that I realised no matter what, I had to get off the drug. It took 2 further attempts of slow tapering but finally I have managed it. I am now almost 5 months off the drug, but seems I have PSSD. At the end of December 2016 I reduced from 10mg every other day to just 5mg every third day. A few days after doing this I could feel something changing sexually – more normal feeling was coming back. And about a week later I had a couple of days of what I would say was completely normal function returning. However this only lasted a couple of days. Shortly after this I took the last tablet. I was now off the drug. About 2 weeks later I once again had a couple of days of everything returning to normal sexually. Again this only lasted temporarily. Then a period of 3 weeks of the numbness and erection difficulties. Then - 5 weeks after taking the last tablet - I again had a period of 2 days of normal functioning – this time I thought it was going to be for good, but unfortunately not. And that was the last time I experienced what I consider everything being normal. Since then I have returned to the numbness, lack of drive and erection difficulties that I had whilst on the drug. I have had the odd day or two in recent weeks where the numbness reduces a bit and there is a little bit of sensitivity, but only a very tiny improvement for a day or so. Then back to full numbness. Also I have developed a ache/pain in my testicles that radiates at times into the top of my legs and buttocks. I can’t remember exactly when this started but I think it was around 6 weeks after being off the drug. I also feel emotionally flat – I don’t think I could fall in love with somebody. I think that issue is still there. I can cry at times, but can’t feel any real happiness for anything. I guess like so many people here I feel the most desperate I have ever done in my life and just looking to talk with others in a similar situation. These past months have seemed like an eternity and every day is such a struggle. I am hoping somebody can give me some hope, because right now I can’t feel much of it. Also I do have a few questions which if anybody can give some sort of an answer to I would be so grateful. 1) Why did I have 3 separate periods of normal sexual function in the immediate period of coming off the drug (first 5 weeks) and then nothing further? 2) the ache/pain that I feel in the testicles – is this part of PSSD? 3) one of the things that really worries me is the fact that I noticed a change to my sexual function after taking just one tablet (God only knows why I did not stop taking them there and then) but as I only planned to be on the medication for a short time, it did not bother me too much. Does this immediate reaction to the drug combined with my long-term use of it mean it more likely my recovery will be a very long time, or worse still that I never recover? Thanks very much for reading.
  24. Hello everyone.. I am 5.5 months into withdrawal from effexor and my eye/visual symptoms have only gotten worse by every month/week and I'm getting really worried. Is it possible to completely lose my vision in withdrawal? Has anyone become blind because of this medicine or can I rest my mind in that it will get better when the other symptoms disappear? My symtoms are very much similar to what another member described in this forum: it is the sensation that my eyes cannot accept the input of the objects presented before them: a strained type of feeling upon visual stimulation. pushing a child on a swing will cause great strain on my eyes as my eyes struggles to maintain proper focus on the moving object. Also, everything looks very sharp and it feels like my eyes can not really "cover the whole picture." Wierdly enough, my vision was back to 100% after the last pill and it lasted for something like 2 weeks before it got worse again.. Please, I'm desperate, if you know anything then let me know. I have googled on the internet but have not found any information about someone who have lost their vision due to effexor or other ssri's.
  25. Hi everyone! I'm new here, I'm an 18 year old girl, will be 19 soon, and I took Zoloft from when I was about 16 and a half to when I was just about 17, so a year and 4 months. I've been clean of the poison since August 28th, 2016, so ten and a half months now. Since I don't think the drugs were good for me to be on to begin with because they caused a whole host of strange behaviors and feelings, like sedation and mania at times, as well as periods of complete apathy and feeling sick, not to mention the sexual problems, I decided to get off of them. Here's how things went: Felt better when initially coming off Zoloft. Much better. Perhaps more negative, but more energy, felt more normal, looked better, etc. Less headaches and other side effects. Happier...almost manic sorta. Sex drive increase and no problems with prolactin overloads. Continued like this (with adaptogenic herb, B6, inositol, and other supplementation) until December 2016. Sometimes wanted to "crawl out of my skin" also and getting more frustrated when my best friend wouldn't call me, less worried about what he thought. December 2016, my life crashed. My best friend and I had a falling out and he was distant for a while. Worst depression I have EVER felt for 2 weeks straight. I was stuck in my body, it was the worst feeling I have ever EVER had, profound depression, profound pain, I could not deal with it..so incredibly horrible. Definitely would not have been nearly as bad if I weren't only 4 months off Zoloft. Probably wouldn't have been bad at all if I were still on Zoloft..scary. Extreme disconnection from the body. This scared me because the issue was generally pretty mild--a friend being distant. The fact that it caused such a terrible horrible depression made me realize how hard this journey was going to be for me...my ability to handle stress and emotions have been greatly diminished. January--February were blahhh. He texted me again, didn't switch schools, we were friends. I also started taking tryptophan for serotonin deficiencies and the pain went away but the horror of what had happened still lingered and left me exhausted and terrified of another episode. I felt extremely out of control of myself and my life. Never would have felt this way on zoloft. March was terrible. He ignored me again, again intense anxiety, worse than I could possibly describe. Literally horror. Started taking ashwaghanda which, along with him reconnecting with me, made April and May more bearable. Sometimes felt GOOD in those two months..other times not, but it was really not horrible. A couple periods of intense pain, usually from relationship stress, but I recovered when things went back to normal. June..was fine. I'm living. In college now. Was pretty intent on committing suicide a couple of days ago..thoroughly convinced myself that I would do it and that I need to do it. Didn't do it. Probably won't this week. Can't take the unbearable social pain any longer though..it's putting a hole in my heart. I refuse to go back on those meds. Ever. They're awful and they still are affecting my sex drive..PSSD is there. Realizing that I'm at the end of adolescence and never had a true, hormonal, exciting sexual experience and the ability to experience that kind of thing will go away when teenage hormones go away. I may never be normal again. I'm incredibly upset and worried and cursing myself for taking those pills. Also feel really alone because nobody understands and I can't talk to anyone about it. If I weren't in a fine mood, I'd be ready to pull the friggin plug. All of my sexual experiences are awkward and bad, make guys feel like rapists, never result in orgasm, always lose excitement once any touching of the genitals is involved, and end up very VERY bad. Masturbation is 100X better but it still takes longer and isn't as easy to cum.. I feel hopeless and screwed, scared and worried. The same mechanism affects your ability to fall in love..I need hope. When will these things get better? Note: One thing I can say is the intense feeling of being disconnected from my body or wanting to crawl out of my skin has gotten better, which makes me realize that my brain is normalizing itself. I'm just worried that things will never be the same again, because of receptor problems or permanent brain damage, especially in the sexual department... Help?