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Wonkawillie

SSRI drugs made my husband crazy! out of character

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Wonkawillie   
Wonkawillie

This is a long story. How my husband got started on antidpressants. he had a routine physical and was very healthy ( about 35 years old). Doc asked him if there were any complaints and health issues he would like to address. He told the doc he had a premature ejaculation problem that was pissing me off in bed. doc said " well you have some anxiety and PE. lets try an antidepressant. it should help both."

 

Husband tried a few that clearly made him into an angry jerk within a week, and settled with celexa that seemed to calm his nerves a bit. it never helped in any way in the bedroom. about 7 years later ( yes 7 years on this stuff), he lost a lot of friends. some moved away, some lost to tragedy. this was very hard on him. Dr started to raise his dose of celexa around the same time he started hanging with a new group of local guys. The increase in celexa helped him a lot. he said he felt better. more confidant, etc. But I did notice he was a bit aggressive and short tempered. about a year on the high dose and his dr retired, we got shuffled into a new dr that refussed to give him this dose due to heart arythmia issues the fda was noticing.

 

I really wished he would get off them completelly. He said no way...almost in an aggressive way or drug addict way. I was scared as he had tried so many other drugs and it was not pretty. The dr insisted it would be safe. she put him on 100 mg of zoloft and....left the practice! Husband was not feeling well and we were forced to find a new dr fast! So we did. he thought my husbands dose was not high enough and got him up to 200mg of zoloft per day. he was becoming very angry, mean to me and the kids, talked a lot of aggressive stuff, wanted to pick fights in public....ugg it was bad. Oh by the way 200 mg still not affecting his pe problem!  

 

We told the dr he was an angry jerk and he added lamotrigene at 100 mg per day.   husband was on this for a while and he was a nasty, evil jerk at times. very up and down and freak out at the little things in life. he insisted he felt like hercules! and was getting resistant to look at the meds as being trouble. he had physical sympoms also. I did not know at the time it was the drugs, but now I know. his body was cold to the touch. Litterally cold and sweaty, clammy all the time. roll over in bed and I think I was next to a wet fish. also snoring like crazy. mania.....lots of it. obcessions, ocd. lots of stuff was going on. He CRAVED alcohol, which we onyl drink an ocational social drink. I have learned now that his new group of friends were not so good. they were nice to my face but my sixth sence went off when around them.

 

My husband went from being a very faith filled, successful businessman, father, lover, etc. to a mean, hurtful, manic, lying, jerk.

all of a sudden he began to have bedroom problems he has had really pas PE for 26 years of marriage and now he can barely keep an erection, and has difficulty with orgasm. now this may sound like the zoloft, but what it was.......cheating. people....this is so out of character for my husband! he is all about family and comittment, and is sick when people treat marriage as a throw away thing, and he was cheating!

 

We work together at our own business and we have two teenagers that we do a LOT with. how was there time for another relationship??? Well there was no time, and no relationship......he was visting escorts! UGGGGG. it hurts to tell this story but it has been a while and I have healed a LOT. if I can tell my story and possibly save a good marriage......its worth it. Part of my husbands drug mania was about risk taking ( he was getting plenty of sex at home and I am slim and attractive). We have a great business and lets just say money is not a problem. my husband could have visited with the best of the best, but he was seeing nasty, drug addicted 15 minute visit girls in nasty, filthy roach infested places.none of this makes any sense!!!!!!! the drugs!  and this group of friends, they all do this, and they are all very successful and have pretty wives and plenty of sex. they pushed my husband into this stuff. he said he told them no way for a long time, but after he got hopped up on the high doses of drugs, he said he just did not care anymore. he was directed to certain girls, given phone numbers to call, etc......

 

We found a new dr and in this messed up emotional state that I was in...I had to find answers. new dr started weaning him off the meds. took about 3 months to do it safely. he had some struggles. some very sad days.

 

 It has been about 7 months since he is completely off. HE is so differant!, so thankful that I hung in there for him. so discusted with himself. he cries a LOT..in shame. he has emotion back!!!! dont worry it is not depression. he says he feels very good, just so sad that he did this to us. we were worried that he would have a terrible time getting off the drugs, it took time but I think the very slow process is what worked. it can NOT be done overnight.

 

I guess I am the queen of forgiveness, but I knew something was wrong with him. I must give him this chance. He is back! He is calm and gentle and loving and sorrowful and back to going to church with us and full of hope.

to anyone reading this.....please give them a chance. these drugs are terribly dangerous!!!!! the change was black and white!

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Darwin   
Darwin

yeah. the pharmaceutical industry and the leaders who help keep them running are the devil. stick to things found in nature. seriously. and happy your husband found his way back.

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manymoretodays   
manymoretodays

That's a sad story.  I am sorry for your loss of healthy physical intimacy with your husband for so long.  Did he ever recover from his own frustration and the intial problem?  Given the time line and resentments that must have occurred.

 

Did he lie in other ways as well?  Or was it just the anger and cheating?  I just always wonder when people say manic what exactly they are describing. 

 

How might you tell other wives how to cope best?  During the medication phase?  During the withdrawal phase?  With husbands or partners with premature ejaculation and ED?  With sexual obsessions.   Actually.......you don't have to go into that.......sorry........ :).

 

I don't know.  Your story was a bit hard to follow.  And he came off meds. in 7 mos.?  Did he titrate down?  Did you guys use this site as a resource?

 

And of course the emotionality could be a symptom of withdrawal as well.  We call that neuroemotions.  How does he manage his depressive tendencies?  This is important because men of a certain age are high risk for suicide. 

 

Sounds like you just wanted to vent your side of the story.  Good job.  You might wish to share at other mental health sites as well.

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alchemist   
alchemist

Hi Wonka, sorry that you had to go through that horrible time. I have created a Facebook group for those whos marriages have been affected by these drugs. If possible, please come share your story with us. You can find the group here https://www.facebook.com/groups/439450402922935/. Thank you!

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JanCarol   
JanCarol

Hey Wonka, I am so sorry to hear your story.

 

It sounds like you could report it.

 

SSRI Stories collects stories such as these, and Rxisk.org.  If you look around the site, there may be other opportunities to report what you have suffered from these drugs.  

 

You are right, people need to know!  If I, in a public place, hear about a suicide - and say - "Well, the antidepressants could drive one to suicide," it is the end of the conversation as the others start twirling their fingers around their ears.  And yet - after what you've experienced, would you have any trouble believing that more violence and suicides happen as a result of these drugs?  

 

I also need to caution you - he came off nearly a decade of these drugs in just 3 months.  That is what we call a "fast taper," and is only slightly better than cold turkey.  His emotional states and experiences now - may still be part of the withdrawal, even 7 months later.  Maybe for up to another year from now.  If you read around this forum, you will see that there is a delayed response to coming off of these drugs which is unlike any other drug (like heroin or speed or even tobacco) anywhere.  It is because of the way they are entwined with our neurons and neurotransmitter circuits.  Our Rhi described it like this:  Rhi's description of healing the brain

 

If there is anything we can do to help you and your husband with his withdrawal, please post here.

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Wonkawillie   
Wonkawillie

First off, I am not just venting frustration here. I am posting because someone else may be searching for answers and ready to kick out a spouse for something as extreme as this. Maybe this would encourage them to forgive and get extra medical help to save a marriage worth saving.

So you feel my husband was weaned off this too quickly?  This was done exactly as ordered by his dr. He had some rough days during the transition but the damage to our marriage was playing a part in this as well. hell I had rough days and I have never been on any medication or withdraw!

Someone asked if he was lying about other stuff well yes and no. He lied about some expensive stuff he did to his truck. Told me the truck was out for oil change. Normally I would not care what he did with his truck so why did he hide it??? drugs.

Did he have other strange behaviors? you bet. selfish in so many ways, obcessive, mean, all explained in my first post.

How did he deal with being depressed? Not sure he really ever was depressed. dr started him on SSRI with hopes it may calm his PE problem. dose was increased years later when his mom died and two cousins were tragicly killed. Was he depressed from that???? or just normal mourning? I think drs are too quick to put you on meds to fix a NORMAL response to tragidy and death. My husband does not really tend to be depressed.

If Im watching a sad moving and it makes me think of my love for my kids and such....soon I am sobbing. does this make me depressed person?  My husband tears mean he is depressed? How about someone who kicks a herion habit and then cries tears of shame for all the hurt they caused thier loved ones? There not depressed, just emotional about what they have done.

My husband takes no meds now, we run a multi million dollar business together. He is doing great.

His words of how he felt when he was all pumped up on this prescribed stuff " I felt almost like my thoughts, my words, my actions....nothing matched anymore".

should we expect a delayed reaction to getting off this too quickly???  

as far as the term mania.....risk taking, feeling like you can do anything and have zero consiquence for it. above the law even. very common to be driving fast in your car, road rage, hyper...so many things that my husband was. and he would go manic and stay manic.  sometimes the change in him was so quick from one minute to the next that I would ask him is he had coffee or something. ( he does not drink coffee but he acted like he drank a whole pot and the caffine just kicked in)

 

 

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manymoretodays   
manymoretodays

My apologies if you took offense about the venting statement.  Not my intent.  Thank you for your other clarifications.  I, for one, cannot give you any absolute answer, to your final question as to what to expect.

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JanCarol   
JanCarol

No worries.  We see doctors pull people off the drugs too quickly all the time.  Common as dirt, really.  (we subscribe to a 10% taper, one drug at a time, at about 4 week intervals - so much slower than what he went through.  This usually takes a minimum of 6-10 months, depending on symptoms.)

 

After all, it was doctors who put him on the stuff to begin with - even though he had a physical problem - not a mental illness at all!  The information that the doctors get about these drugs - and the information they are willing to accept - is woefully thin.  Out of tens of thousands of doctors worldwide, there are just a handful - maybe a hundred - who understand the real problems with these drugs.

 

You asked:  

 

 

should we expect a delayed reaction to getting off this too quickly??? 

 

No.  Don't expect one.  But if one comes, don't call it a "relapse" or let him go to a psychiatrist for it - they will only offer more drugs.

 

Maybe he will be one of the lucky ones who do not have a delayed response.  But be sensitive.  For the next year or so, he may still be finding his feet again, his identity.  You can help provide some of the context of that, but there will be some internal adjustments for awhile after this.

 

Please read:  Rhi's description of healing the brain

 

How did he come to see that he needed to get off the drugs?  It is difficult for someone who hasn't experienced the drugs to even accept what happens on them.  Did he start having other side effects that bothered him?  (like the PSSD, for example?)  Usually, someone who is flying so high is unwilling to come off until they hit bottom.

 

I agree - this is a testimony to the power of love.  So many of us have lost relationships because of these drugs.  And more.  Careers, homes, lives, lost to these drugs.  So many of us wish that our partners had stood by us throughout the drugged time - and the withdrawal time.  Some partners insist that the drug is better than the withdrawal, and insist that the "patient" go back on the drug.  

 

Thank you for sharing your willingness to work with him through this.

 

I still encourage you to report on Rxisk.org, and look at SSRI stories.  There are other links here:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9831-report-your-side-effects-from-a-drug/

 

More people need to know that these can be dangerous drugs.  

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JanCarol   
JanCarol

PS - your husband's doctor was more conservative than most.  Most doctors say "cut it in half for 2 weeks, then quit."  They consider that to be a taper. (and we catch the fallout here in SA)

 

 So your doctor was wiser than most, even if the taper was still pretty fast.

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Wonkawillie   
Wonkawillie

Jan, than you for your reply.

It has been a rough road for me. Lucky I am a strong lady.

I was going to leave my husband..but I knew something was wrong. Cheating was NOT in his nature, his family and his kids mean everything to him. some of the gals he was cheating with were lower walks of life ( obviously to do what they do). The type of girls......uggg, drug addicted, cigarette smoking, everything he hates. 

Something had been very wrong for a while. in one year I must have asked him 1000 times why he was so angry, I also asked why he was swearing like a satin possessed freak in need of an excorsism LOL!! No kidding, my faith filled loving family man was very wierd.

After I found out what he was up to, we found a new Therapyst who came highly recommended and she is great. All out of pocket, no insurance accepted and we have spend about 6000.00 so far, but she is worth it. in one of our first despirate sessions she asked if my husband took any meds as his change in behavior seemed chemical. Yes! and recently changed meds and huge dose increases! Bingo! Life is crazy, we have a HUGE business we run ourselves, a farm and two homes. we dont have help we do everything ourselves. Can find help in this state!

So life got in the way of me researching my husbands crazy changes and some of me chalked it up to being just busy and stressed...until we got hit in the face.

he was angry all the time, hurtful, lashing out at us for nothing. selfish beyond belief and risk taking in every way. Picking fights with strangers in public.

We are together all the time...in order to cheat ( 15 minute visit with an escort in the city), he had to drive like 70 MPH to get there and get back without me suspecting anything.

Now that he is out of the fog or mostly out... he agrees he was speeding like crazy and almost WANTING the cops to chase him as he would outrun them!!!!! He said he felt untouchable!

So we went to the shrink and I TOLD HIM, I thought the meds made my husband manic and crazy. I explained things going on and he said " wow, if your husband was only honest with me I would have suspected this as well". My husband says he told this guy that his family thinks he is an angry ass and how mean he has been to the kids., but he did not tell him about the cheating with call girls. Funny he did tell him how important I was and how much he loved me and could not live without me!

So crazy sexual acting out and major risk taking in many differant ways....mania.

getting off the drugs....The dr told us how to do it. we actually took it slower than he said to!!!! I knew slower was safer.

My husband had major electric stuff going on, and some bouts of feeling very sad and mixed up, but hell he cheated with 40 differant women in 9 months time! scum bags, and his kids knew and he felt awful about it, so some sadness came from the shame ( faithful for 26 years!). But all in all, with so much going on..he did really well. We did find that having any alcohol during this time REALLY MADE HIM Emotional for the next few days even! Just FYI.

No more electric shocks, and all in all he feels great. 

His cholesterol came down like 60 points also!!!! This stuff really messes up your health! Lots of possative changes in him. I hope we are moving forward. I hope sharing wiill give others hope. I think these meds are way over prescribed and possibly for the wrong reasons at times. I think with todays crazy world of health care, the drs are overworked and we are just numbers to them.

My husband symptoms we not just behavior changes he many many physical ones as well. all of which are gone now. 

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JanCarol   
JanCarol

Wow, kudos to the therapist for "catching" that "manic wasn't normal."  And thinking about psych drugs as a cause.  

 

That's interesting about the cholesterol, too.  Lots of people here have noted how the psych drugs drive up their cholesterol, obesity, insulin resistance - lots of physical things.

 

Thank you so much for sharing your story.  If we can help, please let us know!

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DevastatedWife   
DevastatedWife

Thanks for sharing your story Wonka.  It''s eerily similar to mine as well as some others on here.  My husband was manic........ spent all of our money, cheated, was in trouble with the law over speeding (didn't pay the tickets or show up to court), aggressive etc.  We are 2 years out from it.  He went to a rehab to get off of the prescriptions.  In the beginning while he was in withdrawal, I was told he was bipolar.  That is a crock - it was the medications.  I was never consulted prior to that diagnosis which I find disturbing.

 

You are a very strong person for enduring what you have.  It's good that you are in counseling. This whole experience has left me traumatized even to this day. My husband would probably be living under some bridge now if he had not gotten the help he needed. I used to think it couldn't get much worse until I started finding the stories about these drugs and quickly realized how much worse it can get.  But that doesn't really change the damage that it did to our families does it?  How are your kids doing?  Mine were super angry, one still is and one has slowly come around.

 

When I was 7 months out from it all - I was a wreck. He was getting better but I was sinking. Once there is infidelity, financial, sexual, any kind for that matter; it is a long road back!  I never get to have a marriage free of that, it has forever changed our relationship.  The ONE and ONLY reason I was willing to try was because he was out of his mind and I knew he was manic.  

 

As far as his quick taper, my husband was detoxed off of everything within 2 weeks of entering the rehab but they gave him lithium which he took for about 5 months before tapering off that as well. He had brain zaps for quite a while but that and the other physical side effects have mostly subsided with the except is testosterone level is still low so he goes to a low T center for injections but we are looking at foods and he is doing a new workout so he can get off of that.  Your husband should get his levels checked as those drugs can lower those levels.

 

I agree that these drugs are over prescribed - unfortunately, I keep seeing the worst with them.  One of my co-workers recently lost her husband to suicide after being put on an antidepressant.  He first became violent and she kicked him out then she found him dead in his new apartment.  Completely out of character for him and they had been married for many many years.  The whole ordeal started and ended within a 3-4 month time frame from being put on the drug.  That's how I know it can always be worse!

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manymoretodays   
manymoretodays

Yup.......I lost one to suicide.  Not my husband but a loved one, just the same.  Pretty bizarre behavior after coming off an SSNRI.......poor mental health management......etc.

 

I encourage you both to make your voices heard somewhere.........with the prescribing Dr.'s, the therapists that you or they see now, etc.  Ask for full disclosure in prescribing these medications, ask them to come look at all the evidence, ask them to stop overdiagnosing and overmedicating our society.  Ask for information to be given to patients and families as to what withdrawal can look like and how to best treat it.........this would be after they pay attention and care.......  Ask for services that actually promote mental and medical health.  For all people.

 

We don't recommend detox centers or rehab, I don't believe, as they are pretty uninformed........just the same I am glad that worked well for your family.........and guessing that you had no choice, and were all pretty shook.

 

Okay.......off my soapbox.

 

I refer you to Robert Whittaker's(?sp) book........Anatomy of an Epidemic.  And all of our stories here.  And don't forget to donate to this site, if at all possible so we can get our research done, and published, as well as help others through.  Help us make our voices heard.  Save the children.  Ooops......not quite off my soapbox.  :)

 

Thank you for sharing your information. 

 

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mylifeisback   
mylifeisback

This story has help me to understand better than I did,it is a shame what these drugs do my husband and I are living prof. Now if I could just get myself to understand like you have and believe that the drugs did this to us. It has been three years sense my life was turned upside down and I still struggle everyday. Thank you so much for posting your story.

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Wonkawillie   
Wonkawillie

It has been a very long time since I posted here. Fast forward 2 years. Husband doing VERY well off these stupid drugs.

Just the other day, he said " I just feel so good". I asked him to elaborate on that because for someone to say just how good they feel, they normally remember a time where they felt terrible.

he said he just feels calm and peaceful. he thinks back to when he was running around and sneaking and lieing, and looking at it today he has no idea how he ever fit everything in.

Honestly he does not remember a lot of the cruel stuff he said or did. I am able to talk with him about it, and he is shocked with some of the things he hears. Imagine not remembering what you said that made your 18 year old son cry?

Some one asked earlier if I could see how these drugs would easily contribute to agressive behavior, mass shootings, suicide, etc. There is no doubt in my mind....no doubt. I slowly watch a good guy turn into a dangerous man.

Another person asked how he was able to realize that he had to come off the medications. Because manic people feel incredible! powerful, unstopable, and they dont want to change that confidence. Well long story short. Our financial planner wanted him to come off these meds if there was any chance he really did not need them. Life insuarnce and disabliity insurance will not accept you if you are on these drugs. I wanted him off of them, but when I asked him, he refused. So some truth behind them feeling great even though we all see them acting crazy.

Now although being manic and taking risk and feeling good on the drugs ( inside himself at the time), his brain still knew that visiting crack whores for sex was something very wrong. he knew something was wrong. Hate to be so discriptive here but its important. he says some girls were so gross he could not even get an erection. Now this in itself is a big kick to any mans ego. Cant perform in bed? Its just so embarrasing to any guy. And for MY husband this is REALLY important. So he would have a sexual failure with some tramp, but yet he would go back to see her again. He was embarassed, he wasted his time, she was unattractive, and actually repulsive, but yet he went back to her again. This is so odd, but when I ask him about it all, he says " you know it was more about the risk. The risk of getting caught, the risk involved in making the phone calls with you around ( sometimes txting girls right in front of me was part of his manic thrill), the risk of them being gross and having disease, the risk of them being caught for drugs while I was with them, the risk of driving fast to visit them and getting a speeding ticket and challenging the cops, the risk of my car being stollen in the trashy dangerous areas. It was not so much about the sex. I got that at home plenty. "

So what convinced him the drugs were a problem and he needed to stop? well he knew what he was doing was very wrong. he saw how we lost some good friends during this time due to his rude, agressive attitude. And of course me finding out about the cheating, the tears, our great kids finding out, and their tears, the fact that at first I was considering divorce and he was losing me. Oh and how I finally got proof that something was going on sexually?....I got an STD. No denying it now! and I asked him why I was not feeling well down there and he lied to me for one month or more!   I could have died, as infection can get blood born and kill me. So he got hit in the face with a lot. His brain knew it was VERY very messed up, and he was willing to try to fix it. maybe IM a lucky one? He says the STD is what made him realize he had something very wrong going on. His beautiful wife at the dr getting tested for an STD. That grossed him out and made him realize I guess.

These drugs are VERY very bad. Big pharma is ruining lives for $ and this is all.

 

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