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☼ The loving, positive voice hearer turned 'ZombieMode' by antipsychotics


ZombieMode

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Much appreciated JanCarol, all the links have been very informative and helpful. Don't want to risk further damagae or pain during withdrawal, so will be sure to do it properly.

UPDATE: am feeling horrible lately. Have been reading through old journals of mine from when I was happy/healthy/going through this spiritual awakening thing, quite depressing thing to do. Have lost all my intelligence, health, emotions, etc etc. The list is endless. Antipsychotics feel like poison, I feel sick, slow and drugged all the time. Occasionally have brief windows where I feel somewhat alive again, but they are minimal and quite difficult to bring about.

I've seen Dr Yolande Lucire who was great! Very knowledgeable lady, and seems to understand my position very well - have built a lot of trust with her in only an hours initial consultation. Also have another psychiatrist I am working with, who mentioned he wants to lower my dose immediately, but is a slow process with making the switch to him, as im still on a CTO.

Overall, just shocked at the damage antipsychotics have done in such a relatively short period of time (i've been on them now for 8 months, against my will of course), they have done nothing for me but cause life threatening, soul-draining side effects. I am not the person I know myself to be, I'm the epitome of my own disgust.

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I'm so sorry ZM, for what they've done to you.  I wish I could express better that I know the hurt is too much. 

 

I hope you can keep hold of some glimmer of yourself.  I don't know you personally, but I do know that simply because you are a person there will always be some beauty in you.  And that will continue to grow as you heal.

 

Sending you big hugs today,

KarenB

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops.

 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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It's unlikely Abilify is building up around your nosebone, pineal gland, or any other part of your body.

 

What do you mean by random intervals?

 

These drugs are psychoactives. Basically, it sounds to me like you're getting high from occasional Abilify. Everyone differs in their reactions. It tends to be "relaxing," if not stupefying.

It definitely seems like it is, I read an article on how it calcifies the pineal gland, what i'm hoping is that it is breaking away

i'm not exactly sure on the frequency, lately it's been happening every few days, feels fantastic!

it's certainly odd

 

One of the potential side effects of anti psychotic medication is nasal congestion. You may be experiencing a temporary clearing of your sinuses, which I'm sure would be quite a relief and pleasurable if you have been having problems breathing.

This sounds like it, hopefully it clears up when i cease the medication, taking in a deep breath has never felt so good!

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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Thanks for sharing ChessieCat, It's great to see theres others out there who can see psychosis in a different light.

I have completely lost my spirituality, which is the most painful part of all this, as it was what my life previously revolved around.

I now see "hearing voices" as "having insights", mine were into the spiritual nature of reality, and that has been taken from me.

One of my psychiatrists believes I had a "manic episode", not "schizophrenia" - it's odd, seems to describe a spiritual awakening... feeling rested on 3 hours sleep, elated moods of bliss and joy...

 

I have spent countless hours looking for a glimmer of hope that spirituality/feelings/emotions all return after stopping psych meds, but have had not much luck. Would love to hear from anyone who regained these "higher senses" of life after quitting meds.

 

Hopefully will have my hospital admission records in the next fortnight, then I can get the ball rolling with switching to a private psych for immediate tapering :) on the flip side, each day I am feeling worse, and with each injection I am getting further away from the happy, healthy person I once was and wish to be again.

 

Best wishes to all! Stay safe :)

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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Hiya Zombiemode,

 

I read your posts and others in this thread with great interest.  I do not hear voices, but I volunteer with an advocacy service in my state for people who have been hospitalised or placed on a CTO involuntarily.  I suggest you get in touch with the Mental Health Advocacy Service in NSW for some legal advice about your situation. It may be that your CTO will expire uneventfully, but it is worthwhile knowing what your rights are under the Mental Health Act.  I am personally not well acquainted with the MHA in NSW, but these people may be able to assist: http://www.legalaid.nsw.gov.au/what-we-do/civil-law/mental-health-advice

 

You do not seem unwell to me; I am unsure why you have been placed on a CTO.  In Vic you must satisfy a certain criteria - ie, have a mental illness and because of the mental illness you are a danger to yourself and/or others.

 

It is sad that people have to keep their innocent and rather beautiful peculiarities to themselves in order to be allowed to make decisions for themselves and their health.

 

Cheers

 

Happy

- Sertraline 100mg from 2002 - 2007

- Tried Effexor XR in 2004, side effects were worse, went back to Zoloft.

- quit cold turkey a number of times due to side effects

- Generic Prozac from 2007 - 2011

- Pristiq in 2011 for two months, like Effexor XR I could not tolerate the medication

- Quit cold turkey, again experienced devastating rebound depression

- Back on Sertraline 50mg and then 100mg from late 2011 - current.

- Have scheduled a taper which will take a minimum of 2 years.

5/11/15 - dropped from 100mg to 50mg.  Memory issues, which subsided.  Feeling overly 'up', scared me. Cut back on coffee, seemed to get better.  

- 22/12/15 dropped to 45mg.

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Hiya Zombiemode,

 

I read your posts and others in this thread with great interest.  I do not hear voices, but I volunteer with an advocacy service in my state for people who have been hospitalised or placed on a CTO involuntarily.  I suggest you get in touch with the Mental Health Advocacy Service in NSW for some legal advice about your situation. It may be that your CTO will expire uneventfully, but it is worthwhile knowing what your rights are under the Mental Health Act.  I am personally not well acquainted with the MHA in NSW, but these people may be able to assist: http://www.legalaid.nsw.gov.au/what-we-do/civil-law/mental-health-advice

 

You do not seem unwell to me; I am unsure why you have been placed on a CTO.  In Vic you must satisfy a certain criteria - ie, have a mental illness and because of the mental illness you are a danger to yourself and/or others.

 

It is sad that people have to keep their innocent and rather beautiful peculiarities to themselves in order to be allowed to make decisions for themselves and their health.

 

Cheers

 

Happy

 

Thanks Happy, I have been on the phone to the advocacy nearly every day lately, have found them to be extremely helpful and patient, glad you bought it up.

 

I think i'm in this position mostly due to a petty fight with my brother which landed me in hospital. Am forced to comply with the CTO for a while longer, under a S32(3A) order.

 

But whats done is done, can only move forward and hope for a full recovery.

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hey Zombie - 

 

YAY!  You are under the caring touch of Dr. Lucire!  That helps me to feel oh-so-much better about your future.  She understands tapering, and she knows how the drugs damage so many of the things about us that are "us."

 

I have spent countless hours looking for a glimmer of hope that spirituality/feelings/emotions all return after stopping psych meds, but have had not much luck. Would love to hear from anyone who regained these "higher senses" of life after quitting meds.

 

Raises hand.  I'm one.

 

I was only on Seroquel for about 3-5 years (fuzzy memory) and only on 25-100 mg / day.  It's the lithium that took my spiritual awareness away (that, and a manipulative bastid guru-guy-boyfriend who shattered all of my belief systems before leaving me in the gutter, wrecked and useless).

 

But since tapering, it's been like this:  imagine a dark, tar filled lake.  All black.  Nothing.  Hopeless, Helpless, Useless.   Me, at the bottom of the lake, breathing tar.  As I started to taper, I walked towards the shore.  At some point the water became more translucent, and I had hopes that I would see again.  When the top of my head came out of the water - I still couldn't SEE, but I could feel the warm sun on my head.  A little further along, my eyes cleared the surface of the lake.  Sometimes the dark lake would splash about my eyes and obscure - but again, my hope increased.  Next, my nose came clear, then, my mouth.  Yes, there are waves that still submerse me - but I reckon I"m about hip deep now - I see the sky most of the time, the stars, the moon, the sun - other people - the trees, the land.  It's still miles away - but I know I can get there.  It will take time.  Maybe lots of time.  

 

This description is of the last 2 years.  I am now back into many of my spiritual practices - though it's changed.  It's not like it was before I got submersed in the dark lake (and shattered by that bastid), but it's new, fresh, forming new ideas and connections and beliefs about what I want from this life and how I want to make decisions and choose my path.  

 

IT IS NOT as kundalini blasting powerful as it was, but is more gentle, safer, sweeter in many ways.  I've realized I don't need to split my skull open in order to let God in.  And I don't always need to share this God-ness with others (that can lead to trouble, too).  It's more silent, still.  And in being still, there is more room in me for that God-ness.

 

I know it is not the same story you are telling, but I hope in sharing that story, you find at least a little hope to help you through your days.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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Hey Zombie - 

 

YAY!  You are under the caring touch of Dr. Lucire!  That helps me to feel oh-so-much better about your future.  She understands tapering, and she knows how the drugs damage so many of the things about us that are "us."

 

 

 

I have spent countless hours looking for a glimmer of hope that spirituality/feelings/emotions all return after stopping psych meds, but have had not much luck. Would love to hear from anyone who regained these "higher senses" of life after quitting meds.

 

Raises hand.  I'm one.

 

I was only on Seroquel for about 3-5 years (fuzzy memory) and only on 25-100 mg / day.  It's the lithium that took my spiritual awareness away (that, and a manipulative bastid guru-guy-boyfriend who shattered all of my belief systems before leaving me in the gutter, wrecked and useless).

 

But since tapering, it's been like this:  imagine a dark, tar filled lake.  All black.  Nothing.  Hopeless, Helpless, Useless.   Me, at the bottom of the lake, breathing tar.  As I started to taper, I walked towards the shore.  At some point the water became more translucent, and I had hopes that I would see again.  When the top of my head came out of the water - I still couldn't SEE, but I could feel the warm sun on my head.  A little further along, my eyes cleared the surface of the lake.  Sometimes the dark lake would splash about my eyes and obscure - but again, my hope increased.  Next, my nose came clear, then, my mouth.  Yes, there are waves that still submerse me - but I reckon I"m about hip deep now - I see the sky most of the time, the stars, the moon, the sun - other people - the trees, the land.  It's still miles away - but I know I can get there.  It will take time.  Maybe lots of time.  

 

This description is of the last 2 years.  I am now back into many of my spiritual practices - though it's changed.  It's not like it was before I got submersed in the dark lake (and shattered by that bastid), but it's new, fresh, forming new ideas and connections and beliefs about what I want from this life and how I want to make decisions and choose my path.  

 

IT IS NOT as kundalini blasting powerful as it was, but is more gentle, safer, sweeter in many ways.  I've realized I don't need to split my skull open in order to let God in.  And I don't always need to share this God-ness with others (that can lead to trouble, too).  It's more silent, still.  And in being still, there is more room in me for that God-ness.

 

I know it is not the same story you are telling, but I hope in sharing that story, you find at least a little hope to help you through your days.

Thanks again Jan for sharing :)

Dr Lucire sure has given me some invaluable advice and ideas on how to proceed with all this, just a matter of mustering up the courage to follow through with it all now. It's such a shame that she can't treat me on the CTO, I would have switched to her in a heartbeat, such a lovely, knowledgeable and caring lady! I recommend her to anyone in Aus!

 

Love your way of describing your journey, I can relate to it all so much, I do hope I experience another kundalini awakening as it was the most beautiful, powerful experience. Like a surge of limitless energy through my entire body, felt as light as a feather, yet as energetic and powerful as an ox, so to speak. It was as if this was how we were born to feel. I see how a less intense experience could be more beneficial in the long run, less risk of "getting caught" haha.

 

Am seeing my other psychiatrist in a couple weeks time, hopefully he's a man of his word and lets me start tapering down/quitting immediately. I'd give anything to return to my old self.

 

That said, things have been OK lately, am getting used to this new state of being. Forgotten what happiness and health feels like, as sad as that is, its got me feeling OK, not depressed over what I have lost, have come to accept it all, and am trying to move forward into recovery from these brain-disabling drugs.

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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Here's a funny thought, my "voices" (or insights/angels - which I prefer to call them), actually convinced me I could walk on water.

 

I remember waking up at 2AM in the morning, jumping in my car, blasting triple J (my favourite station at the time, which is how they communicated to me mostly) and heading down to the beach. The boomgate was unlocked, so I stripped naked, clambered down the rocks, and meditated for a bit.

They told me it would only work if I believed beyond all doubt that I could do it.

 

I didn't believe, and fell straight in.

... maybe in this regard I was a little ill? I dunno. I had fun and was laughing the whole time. Didn't even occur to me it was pitch black, was too busy focusing on the beauty of the stars that night.

 

Nowadays I still find it funny, sure, I could have drowned or hurt myself, but I didn't. They always ensured me that I was safe. They told me they visit us all from time to time.

Just thought I'd share, hope people don't judge too harshly and see it like I do: a funny, un-explainable part of life.

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Oh, I dunno - I believe sometimes we need to challenge ourselves.

 

Were you in any danger?

 

If not, it's a good way to test those voices - and maybe find out what they really want!
 

If I were interpreting your story as a dream - walking on water - I would say it is about learning to rise above your emotions (water is nearly always emotions) - about being lighter than the emotions (water), about letting the emotions buoy you up and energize you - and not pull you down and drown you.

 

When you talk to voice hearers, the voices are very rarely literal.  It's about giving words to the symbolic nature of your other-consciousness, your sub-conscious or even un-conscious mind.  

 

So while they may be talking about "walking on water," perhaps they are speaking of this symbolic surfing or floating on the surface of your emotions, rather than literally getting drenched in the ocean!  (though I like that you meditated on the water, and "tested your true belief" in the process...)

 

But - they are your voices, and I'm not a voice-hearer.  My version is only one possible interpretation of many.

 

Have you seen Mr. P-doc yet?  Is he going to be friend or adversary? If the latter, just grit your teeth and hold on.  And yes, don't "get caught!"

 

Really, really really, February isn't that far away (I'm waiting for Feb to see a specialist on something I'm worried about - maybe we can wait together?) - and you could see Dr. Lucire then?

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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Oh, I dunno - I believe sometimes we need to challenge ourselves.

 

Were you in any danger?

 

If not, it's a good way to test those voices - and maybe find out what they really want!

 

If I were interpreting your story as a dream - walking on water - I would say it is about learning to rise above your emotions (water is nearly always emotions) - about being lighter than the emotions (water), about letting the emotions buoy you up and energize you - and not pull you down and drown you.

 

When you talk to voice hearers, the voices are very rarely literal.  It's about giving words to the symbolic nature of your other-consciousness, your sub-conscious or even un-conscious mind.  

 

So while they may be talking about "walking on water," perhaps they are speaking of this symbolic surfing or floating on the surface of your emotions, rather than literally getting drenched in the ocean!  (though I like that you meditated on the water, and "tested your true belief" in the process...)

 

But - they are your voices, and I'm not a voice-hearer.  My version is only one possible interpretation of many.

 

Have you seen Mr. P-doc yet?  Is he going to be friend or adversary? If the latter, just grit your teeth and hold on.  And yes, don't "get caught!"

 

Really, really really, February isn't that far away (I'm waiting for Feb to see a specialist on something I'm worried about - maybe we can wait together?) - and you could see Dr. Lucire then?

Interesting perspective, the only time I was able to not get caught up in my emotions was around the same time I was having these insights. My dreams have always been quite odd and hard to interpret, so I have always interpreted them as being literal.

 

I saw Mr Pdoc last week, he mentioned theres not much he can do by the way of transferring my treatment to him at this stage (I would have to convince the notoriously-hard-to-convince tribunal, which is something I'm arranging for the new year). He can help to challenge my diagnosis and advocate for dosage reductions.

 

Dr Lucire was extremely helpful, gave me much advice and confirmed my suspicions about the mental health system.

 

From speaking with numerous psychiatrists, lawyers and many people online, it seems the best way out of this crap is non-compliance. In the new year I will very much likely (pending the tribunal) do a runner. So as to be over-safe and not alert the authorities I think I may have to cold turkey the drugs im on - I'm being as cautious as possible, not sure if there is a way they could track prescriptions back to my location.

 

Besides, would be hard to voluntarily take this ****.

 

In total I will have been on 400mg of Abilify injection for around a years time.Am looking forward to some gnarly withdrawals, even the pain of withdrawal seems more appealing than feeling nothing at all.

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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  • Administrator

Please do not cold turkey anything. Withdrawal symptoms can look like psychosis. If your behavior stands out in any way, you'll be back in the system again.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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As I slept tonight, it occurred to me:  "Naked in public park" = "could get caught."

 

I find it hard to believe - that with February as your upcoming date - that the rational solution is to "do a runner."

 

The whiplash from the Abilify - well.  Have you heard of Cornelia Rau?  She ended up in prison, then immigration detention (she spoke fluent enough German to pass for an illegal) - she's like the ultimate "got caught" in Australia, and it wasn't pretty.  I recently did a follow up on her, and she is got caught in Jordan - fortunately, after the embarrassing debacle, the Aussie government intervened on her behalf - but she does time after time on "closed wards" because of her runners.  I'd like to know more about her drugs - but - it's pretty safe to say that when she is on the run, she has no medication.

 

Doing a runner seems to me the least rational solution.  Because it almost guarantees "getting caught" unless you have your own private desert island you can use to recover from the huge whiplash that a cold turkey entails.  Or maybe family with a huge outback station where you can just run wild until you settle down.

 

Because a CT - well, it's endangering.  

 

Let's look at the good side of where you are:

 

When do you come up for reevaluation?  I seem to remember February - just two short months away.

Where are you staying - do you have food and a roof over your head, and a safe place to go when you need to be alone?

You have a computer where you are - you can keep in touch with us and the kind Dr. Lucire.

Do you have family around you?  What is your living arrangement?  (i.e., you are not incarcerated in a jail, hospital, or heaven forbid, immigration facility)

 

Did Lucire advise you to "do a runner"?  What exactly did she advise you that was so helpful?

 

Here's my imaginary scenario:  you asked Lucire & lawyers & people online:  what are my chances of coming off the stuff?  And they all said No, no, no, it can't be done, not legally.  You just have to "serve the time."

 

And the idea came to you to do a runner.  Because surely nobody would advise you to do that.  Or if they did - who did?  

 

Believe me when I say, a slow taper - and you come down off the cliff gently - will hurt far less than hurtling over the cliff at full speed (CT) - and the great thing is - the view as you are abseiling down off the dose-cliff - improves.  You get better, as the dose decreases.  You don't have to be all the way off to feel again.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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Please do not cold turkey anything. Withdrawal symptoms can look like psychosis. If your behavior stands out in any way, you'll be back in the system again.

 

I understand and respect your opinion. For me, "psychosis" (or, spirituality), was the most positive thing I had ever experienced. It put meaning into my life and is what made me, me. I understand the need to control my behaviours, and conform to a state of normalcy, which is something I will ensure I do.

 

As I slept tonight, it occurred to me:  "Naked in public park" = "could get caught."

 

I find it hard to believe - that with February as your upcoming date - that the rational solution is to "do a runner."

 

The whiplash from the Abilify - well.  Have you heard of Cornelia Rau?  She ended up in prison, then immigration detention (she spoke fluent enough German to pass for an illegal) - she's like the ultimate "got caught" in Australia, and it wasn't pretty.  I recently did a follow up on her, and she is got caught in Jordan - fortunately, after the embarrassing debacle, the Aussie government intervened on her behalf - but she does time after time on "closed wards" because of her runners.  I'd like to know more about her drugs - but - it's pretty safe to say that when she is on the run, she has no medication.

 

Doing a runner seems to me the least rational solution.  Because it almost guarantees "getting caught" unless you have your own private desert island you can use to recover from the huge whiplash that a cold turkey entails.  Or maybe family with a huge outback station where you can just run wild until you settle down.

 

Because a CT - well, it's endangering.  

 

Let's look at the good side of where you are:

 

When do you come up for reevaluation?  I seem to remember February - just two short months away.

Where are you staying - do you have food and a roof over your head, and a safe place to go when you need to be alone?

You have a computer where you are - you can keep in touch with us and the kind Dr. Lucire.

Do you have family around you?  What is your living arrangement?  (i.e., you are not incarcerated in a jail, hospital, or heaven forbid, immigration facility)

 

Did Lucire advise you to "do a runner"?  What exactly did she advise you that was so helpful?

 

Here's my imaginary scenario:  you asked Lucire & lawyers & people online:  what are my chances of coming off the stuff?  And they all said No, no, no, it can't be done, not legally.  You just have to "serve the time."

 

And the idea came to you to do a runner.  Because surely nobody would advise you to do that.  Or if they did - who did?  

 

Believe me when I say, a slow taper - and you come down off the cliff gently - will hurt far less than hurtling over the cliff at full speed (CT) - and the great thing is - the view as you are abseiling down off the dose-cliff - improves.  You get better, as the dose decreases.  You don't have to be all the way off to feel again.

Definitely agree, though it was 2am in the morning and nobody was around, would never in my wildest imaginations have done this if there were people around and it was daylight.

 

I hadn't heard of her, but did a quick google search. I'm not an immigrant and from speaking with the Mental Health advocacy in my state, am not "high on the police wanted list", if I were to do a runner. My behaviour was pale in comparison to what I imagine hers to be, wasn't hospitalized anywhere near as long as her.

 

I have friends and family spread across Australia, ranging from typical residential housing, to farmsteads.

 

I have read Breggin's "Withdrawing from Psychiatric Drugs", and have done much research on the topic. I agree it is less than ideal and possibly dangerous, but for a chance at spiritual recovery (or, re-emerging "psychosis"), it is worth it. Especially when taking into account the damage I have suffered from these antipsychotic drugs.

 

I don't want to pin-point an exact date or information which may be traceable back at this stage. My next tribunal review is in the middle of next year, though I plan on applying to revoke it much sooner.

Living arrangements are standard at present; with family in a "normal" home.

 

The legal advice I was given by the advocacy and my private lawyer was that:

"you can apply to revoke it, there is chances of success especially with other psychiatrists' challenging the diagnosis - of which I have 4", I also have 2 GPs who support me.

 

I have asked what my likelihood of being caught is, they all say very low, depending on where I go. I was told this is a frequent thing that happens all the time. I can understand why.

 

Yolande alluded to this also. Her words "it's a shame you don't have contacts in another state", little did she know...

 

I suspect I will look back on this thread in the future and pity myself for not following your advice, but at this stage I'm looking forward to withdrawals and return of the symptoms that got me labelled in the first place - they really were THAT positive for me. For the record, i'll be away from mainstream society regardless of where I go, to ensure I don't flip and become dangerous to another person (for the first time in my life).

 

I am doing my best to get out of the system the right way, have been doing so since I got out of hospital, haven't really made much progress. This seems to be the quickest way to get my life back from psychiatry.

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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  • Administrator

Please look carefully at your assumptions and behavior and consider if perhaps you might have a tendency to sabotage yourself.

 

From my vantage point, and I agree I am not you, your plan seems to be high-risk with low chance of success.

 

Right now, you feel confident you can control your behavior, but withdrawal syndrome can be extremely stressful and not what you imagine at all.

 

We often see people here who, despite our advice and warnings, panicked under the weight of withdrawal syndrome and went to the hospital begging for help. They generally come back with an even larger drug burden.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

The legal advice I was given by the advocacy and my private lawyer was that:

"you can apply to revoke it, there is chances of success especially with other psychiatrists' challenging the diagnosis - of which I have 4", I also have 2 GPs who support me.

 

Waitaminute - WHAT?  You have 6 doctors who will help you and advocate for revocation of the order?   :o

 

Then why run at all?  Just start proceedings to revoke the order! ? ? ?   :excl:

 

I hear you that your symptoms were "positive."  They also landed you in the drink the other night.  Naked.  Park closed.  Nobody around.  (but boom gates open).  And they also got you "caught" before.

 

Cornelia Rau's run-ins with the law weren't that horrific.  And she's just ONE case.   :ph34r:    Here at SA, we see hundreds, many of whom are on similar drugs to yourself.  We know what can happen.

 

Please read Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker before you decide.  It's in your public library.

 

Because it will tell you - that however "positive" you claim your symptoms are - they will return 3 fold or 10 fold - exponentially increased - to what you had before the drugs.  You will have less control than ever before.  The drugs have restructured your receptors.  The loving positive experiences you've had - may not be there anymore.  After the drugs, your baseline changes.

 

Nearly all of us would give our right hand just to have a taste of what we remember about ourselves before the drugs.  The spirituality, the energy, the motivation, the focus, the desires, the dreams, the passions - all of that is changed.  I'm not saying it's gone, it's just different.  The memory you are clinging to before the drugs, is now in the past.  It is like NeverNeverLand, once you grow up, you can't go back.   :unsure:

 

Please, I won't tell you any more about your situation, read the book.  Let us know what you think, after reading it.  I know you've read Breggin, but that's only one piece of the picture, and some of us think he's biased in a certain direction.  Whitaker, as a science reporter (not a doctor) presents it like a crime thriller, unbiased, reporting from the scenes of the crimes.  He expected to find that our "new ways" of treating "mental illness" to have changed our world for the better - what he found was otherwise.

 

I know the drug is difficult.  You're on it; you know.  But think about the price you have to pay before paying it.  Cold turkey off of depot is about the roughest path you can choose.  Think about that exponential increase in symptoms - probably both negative and positive - if you go cold turkey.  

 

I write this with caring in my heart, and no fear of your spiritual state, no desire to "stop" those things you place value in.  I am considering your safety until you are free to make your own choices about your health again.  And I'm hopeful you will choose a safer course of action.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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Hello Zombie, 

 

I read your posts with great interest. I have also had a psychosis last year, followed by depression and feeling like a zombie. I have never heard voices though, and, unlike you, I do not look back on my psychosis as a positive experience.

 

After 14 months I am slowly improving. Part of the reason for why I am improving is, indeed, that I quit my medicines. I have quit Haldol (an antipsychotic) for about 4 months now and am currently tapering of my sleeping medicine. This helps. I constantly feel better. The process is very slow, but improvement is there. I still need to taper of an antidepressant, but I will wait for a couple of months before doing so. 

 

However, I do not  believe quitting the medicines has been the only factor in my improvement. I have resumed work and I also believe that my body and mind are still naturally recovering after all this time. I have found that, when you feel sick, you tend to look for one cause of this feeling, instead of recognising that there are multiple causes. I often pointed to the medicines as being the one cause for feeling like a zombie, but now I believe that there are more factors involved. 

 

If I am right, it might be that there are more factors that are causing you to feel the way that you are. Quitting the medicines may not be the miracle solution you are looking for, although I agree that it is always better to try to come of them. I also fully agree with what JanCarol wrote below:  

 

 

 

Nearly all of us would give our right hand just to have a taste of what we remember about ourselves before the drugs.  The spirituality, the energy, the motivation, the focus, the desires, the dreams, the passions - all of that is changed.  I'm not saying it's gone, it's just different.  The memory you are clinging to before the drugs, is now in the past.  It is like NeverNeverLand, once you grow up, you can't go back.   :unsure:

 

 

 

I am feeling a lot better, but I am not the same person I was before. I have changed. After a while you start to accept this, a lot of stuff just fades to the background. I used to want to regain my old self, but now I am starting to think that this will not happen (my psychiatrist actually told me this would not happen a month after I had my psychosis). This is not necessarily a bad thing. You are constantly changing and you will definitely achieve a state that feels good. It's just different.  

 

You said you only heard voices for two months. Whether you quit the drugs or not, there is a chance that you will not relive the positive experiences you had. The best thing to do, I think, is slowly taper of the meds and let time run its course. You will slowly improve over time.

 

Whatever you decide, good luck!     

Aug 2014-Aug2015: 2 to 4 mg Haldol (quit completely Aug2015)

Aug 2014-Oct2014: 30 mg flurazepam (switched to Lormetazepam)

Nov-2014 - November 2015: 2 mg Lormetazepam (currently tapering, see below). 

December 2015: 1.5 mg Lormetazepam (quit completely Jan 2016 after taper) 

April 2015 - present: 30 mg Mirtazipine (not yet tapering)

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am very confused about how to proceed of late.

Yes I have supporting doctors, my lawyer doesn't seem to want to use a report from Yolande, but he's overseas at present so won't be able to speak to him till sometime in the New Year.

One of the psychiatrists in the private sector I saw mentioned it would be near impossible to revoke the order. That fighting is futile.

My lawyer, on the other hand mentioned he has had recent success with a case simiar to mine. There's always the option of legal aid.

Truth is, I am becoming quite ill on these drugs, so will go to extreme measures to get off.

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

When you say you are becoming quite ill on the drugs, what do you mean?

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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When you say you are becoming quite ill on the drugs, what do you mean?

Yolande told me I am experiencing ALL possible side effects from abilify. Akathisia, TD, libido loss, anhedonia, all of it. It's only mild, but is getting worse with each injection.

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Oh Zombie, I'm so sorry!  This is a cruel thing, to force you to do this - it's like a prison sentence.  It must feel like you have very little control over you life, your body, your mind, due to these shots.

 

But really, a jailbreak will only lead to more problems.

 

Please, what is the soonest possible date that your Order will expire?

 

Can you possibly switch to daily tablets instead of the depot shot?  The problem with the depot shot is you will have cycling of symptoms over the month, as the levels are metabolized from the shot.  There will be a week of intense drugging, and also a week where the drugging is quite weak, just before you are due to go again.

 

BUT if you switched to tablets, would you take them?  Because to not take them, would put you back on depot shots again and maybe extend your order.

 

Follow the attorney who thinks he can get you off the shot.  That's your best bet.

 

Dr. Lucire has run into some court battles in the past, her credibility as an "expert witness" might be compromised by some things that have happened by her refusal to drug others in distress.  The court didn't look favorably on that, since drugging the unhappy seems to be status quo.

 

Please keep in touch, please - write about your feelings and thoughts and maybe you can achieve some small good, just from journalling here.  

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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I'd imagine it to be worse than a prison sentence, at least that way I'd have kept my health and good spirits. Your exactly right though, I appreciate your understanding Jan :)

I can't see how, something in me just wants to do it to show them how little respect I have for this whole system... The real motivation is to save myself, it's not like money, or a job, or a friend.. it's my LIFE, and they have taken that from me. And I'm not exaggerating here.

 

It's already expired once - they just made another. Case manager said they want it for around 2-3 years in total. There's no chance i'll let that happen - my mind is made up, i HAVE to run.For my own sake.

 

Good point, I'll raise that at my next doctor's meeting.

 

He's still on holidays, just spending my days waiting to hear from him.. Have never been so lost and alone in my life.

 

It's messed up - she's got it all right, has confirmed everything I knew. It's a corrupt world we live in..

 

I suppose what keeps me going is the hopes that my spiritual feelings, happiness and emotions will return. I have nothing else to live for, these are the things which underpinned my entire life. My soul is my guiding compass which gave me direction, purpose and meaning. That has been taken from me.

 

I spoke with a lawyer about suing today. Apparently the damage must be permanent - so I'll have to be off the injections for a while to find out, Yolande said it's probably something I shouldn't focus on for the time being.

 

Due for my jab this week - dreading it. 

 

My posts are so scattered, intelligence has gone along with everything else. 

 

I'm afraid the damage to my gentiles might be permanent, am experiencing dysfunction of all kinds, shrinkage.. it's horrible. 

 

I just want to get even with the people who have done this to me, and the first step is to give them the middle finger and go into hiding.

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

Link to comment

I've always wanted to contribute and help others, in a spiritual sense. Maybe someday someone in a similar position will look at this thread. Out of all this **** that I'm experiencing at present, I do have some positive news.. I've been smoking weed daily again, voices (or, insights) are muffled but still somewhat there. They can try, but they can't completely eliminate ones' soul. I feel as if a recovery is possible, occasionally feel life force energy flowing throughout my body again. Very brief, but almost as intense as it once was.

 

There's no doubt in my mind that hearing voices/psychosis IS spirituality. It's exactly the same thing. I communed with guardian angels/the spiritual realm, I did NOT have a brain imbalance (I do now, thanks to forced neuroleptic drugging). I could talk till I'm blue in the face about how corrupt the system is, but that'd do no good, it really has to be seen through ones' own eyes to realize as truth.

 

I've been taking my supplements on and off, not sure if there's been benefit, but have cut out the junk food and think im actually loosing fat, which is great!

 

As far as exercise goes, I do the occasional walk around the streets.. Or should I say.. I shuffle around staring at the ground talking to myself (in my mind).

 

I am forgetting old memories and what its like to experience joy, bliss and happiness. This hurts.

 

I never would have guessed this to happen to me, but have learnt to "not get caught", not openly profess my spirituality, and just in general be more private/quiet around others I don't know that well. I suppose a little paranoia is healthy in this insane world.

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Like Jan, I'm also really sorry this has been done to you Zombie. Thinking of it like being imprisoned for a crime you didn't commit is an analogy which rings true for me too. This does happen in our imperfect system. Its not fair and those who are treated unjustly have to figure out how to live with the reality, how to survive and have the chance of a quality of life when the time has been served.

 

I'm angry on your behalf, but one positive which has come from this is that you have learned how not to get caught again. I don't want to see you make things worse for yourself. If you run, there's a good chance you will get caught, and then it will get worse. If you have to live like this for 2 - 3 years, you can do that. As distasteful as this is, cooperating and making it appear like you agree with the treatment, may get you released sooner. Your soul has not been silenced completely, you still have your voices/insights just not so strongly. I've been living without my spirit guides for over 3 years now, its been difficult, but I've managed.

 

Perhaps you could spend this time building a formal spiritual practice with the help of a good teacher, then when you come off your medication, you will have a solid grounding for you to continue your spiritual journey. For spiritual advancement to be of benefit, it has to be grounded in this physical dimension and be able to serve the wider human evolution in some way, that means learning how to integrate and function here in this imperfect world. We may not be of this world, but we have to figure out how to be in it if our own spiritual growth is going to be of value to anything but our own individual soul journey. You have written that you want to help others and this seems to be a way you could do that.

 

You are right that there's a lot of corruption and I agree with your analysis of this world being insane. But its the only world we've got right now, for whatever reason, we were all born down here on this big asylum floating through space, so we might as well do our best to figure out what's going on, learn how to play by the rules and do something positive with the time we spend here. Who knows, it might all become perfectly clear one day.

 

Hang in there

(hugs)

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hey Zombie:

I'm afraid the damage to my gentiles might be permanent, am experiencing dysfunction of all kinds, shrinkage.. it's horrible. 

 

It may seem that way - but actually - there are a number of people who have recovered from PSSD and genital problems, once off the drug.  But - I'm sure it's alarming, especially for a guy.  IMO, the best thing to do is leave the genitals alone for awhile - trying to "make it work" will only increase your frustration and anxiety - and feedback loops will make things worse.

 

Please see the Australia Members thread - I've posted an itinerary which may bring me close to your home (I'll be in Port for a couple of days).  Maybe we can meet for a cuppa and have a hug face to face.

 

Thinking of you.  Please, re-read your thread and look at all of the spiritual sites like "Bipolar Awakenings" and "Shades of Awakening" and voice hearing networks to find other support for your experiences.  There's hours of entertainment, upliftment and hope in there.

 

Will Hall says we need to heal from where we are right now.  Right now, you're on an Order.  What you need is support to help you get through that Order, as Petunia said.  If you put the disciplines and practices in place now, it will help you so much when the time comes for you to get off the drug.  The relapse rates on CT's of these drugs is atrocious - which is why I keep saying - switch to tablets and taper.

 

Is that a possibility for you?

 

Happy New Year, J

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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  • 1 month later...

Update February 2016.

I had a mental health review tribunal recently but was unsuccessful with my revoke application. I have learnt a lot more about how the system works in my state and the best ways to proceed. The tribunal (deciders of if a treatment order should be made), don't really care for medication induced side effects. This is the job of the psychiatrist in the community team. Seems quite paradoxical though, how these people are the ones who are forcingit into me and have yet to relent with dosages, etc. I digress.

 

The best way to revoke a CTO in NSW is to have a private psychiatrist backing you up with a written report which either (a) challenges your diagnosis, and/or (B) can show that there is "treatment" available if there was no CTO in place. I am still in the process of working with mine and plan to apply to revoke the order when adequately prepared.

 

Legal aid and the mental health advocacy service have been great - beginning to question whether or not I will need my private lawyer for a revoke application. Something to decide on.

 

--

 

As far as I am going otherwise, it feels as if the tides are turning in my life - there are a lot of options available for me with regards to work, relocating, etc. I have a girlfriend now who has been extremely understanding and supportive, even though she hasn't even met the "real me" yet. My erections feel weak, ejaculate looks like water, and I can barely last 2 or 3 seconds (maybe an exaggeration - much much less than I used to). This is leading me to think of trying something stupid like viagra. I was also a heavy stoner, marijuana made me happy, gave me guidance, energy, creativity, etc. All this has changed, which has got me down. I am feeling stupid and wish to escape the prison of emotional-bluntedness, numbness, and nothingness... I've been reading up on Xanax and Valium - mostly for the fun of it I guess, but suppose I am also experiencing mild anxiety. Which again, I attribute to the antipsychotics.

 

Some great news though, I re-trialled a herbal tea by the name of Mucuna Pruiens (which is a dopamine booster, AFAIK). Had two teas yesterday with nothing to eat (in the morning i took a B12 supplement which was from my GP). Literally felt like I was high. The most happy and energetic I have been in the 10 months since coming out of hospital on antipsychotics. Didn't drink any today though because they taste foul, but will definitely be implementing into my daily routine.

 

I feel I have changed for the negative since being forced to take antipsychotics and am desperately holding onto hope that my emotions, health, happiness and spirituality most of all, will return. I'm so scattered, which is why I just feel like throwing it away and trying xanax/valium/viagra. I mean I'm already ruined what more harm could it do.

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

Link to comment

Hi Zombie

 

Really sorry to read about what has happened to you. I heard voices during the two espisodes of psychosis that I had, they were quite negative and critical of me and confused the hell out of me at times, but were related to what was happening to me at the time. Some of my psychosis was also quite spiritual and profound but I was also quite dillusional - I thought people were against me and that my food and water were being poisoned amongst other things. I didn't tell the doctors about my dillusions and managed to hold it together so I got treated in the community. I stayed with my family while I recovered and I was put on 2 mg of Respiridone tablets and the voices went away. That was too much for me and I reduced to 1.5mg after about a month so I can't imagine what a depot injection is doing to you.

 

I've also read Will Hall and Eleanor Longdon. The Icarus Project Harm Reduction Guide to withdrawing from psychiatric drugs , written by Will Hall is excellent and I took a printed copy to show my doctors when I wanted to start tapering off Respiridone. It also talks about tapering to reduce your dose to a minimum dose that works for you if tapering off completely doesn't work. I talked about this to doctors and friends who had concerns about my taper- it helps calm fears.

 

I also read this report about Schizophrenia and Psychosis and hearing voices by the British Psychological Society back in the summer and found it very helpful. Gives the alternative perspective to hearing voices

https://www.bps.org.uk/system/files/user-files/Division%20of%20Clinical%20Psychology/public/understanding_psychosis_-_final_19th_nov_2014.pdf

Sorry If the link doesn't come out as one you can click on.

 

I still take some Respiridone though my long term aim is to taper off.

Anyway good luck. I wish you all the best in your fight against your order. Unfortunately you can't go cold turkey with anti psychotics, you'll end up back to square one. I relapsed two months after withdrawing from just 1 mg of Respiridone. I was really ill with Psychosis and couldn't work or function properly. You have to withdraw slowly and gradually unfortunately.

 

Best wishes

Camper

Prescribed Respiridone 1.5 mg January 2014

Tapered to 1 mg May 2014

Switched to liquid Respiridone and tapered to 0.9 ml March 2015

Tapered to 0.8 ml 3 June 2015

Tapered to 0.7 ml 8 July 2015

Tapered to 0.6 ml 2 November 2015

Tapered to 0.55ml 30 November 2015

Tapered to 0.5ml 11 January 2016. Held at 0.5ml for the whole of 2016 until February 2017. Tapered to 0.45 ml 13 Feb 2017. Tapered to 0.4 ml 2 April 2017. Tapered to 0.35ml 24 July 2017. 0.33 ml end Jan 2018. 0.30ml 18 Feb 2018. 0.27ml 18 March 2018. 0.25ml 8 April 2018. 0.23 ml  1 July 2018. 0.20ml 5 August 2018. 0.17 ml 13 September 2018. 0.15ml 12 October 2018. Updosed to 0.20ml 21 November 2018 Tapered to 0.18ml 28 Jan 2019. 0.15ml 25 Feb 2019 0.13ml 29 April 2019. 0.10ml 1 June 2019. End of July 2019 relapsed now taking 3mg Respiridone daily

Supplements magnesium and fish oil and folic acid, vitamin D

started HRT transdermal patches 18 Sept 2018 Evorel Sequi (estradiol) and Evorel Conti (estradiol & .norethisterone) . 4 Dec 7.5mg mirtazapine stopped immediately due to side affects. Stopped HRT 13.12.18. Gluten free since 30.11.18

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hey Zombie - in many ways you sound better.  The sex thing sucks, especially in a new relationship.  But it also sounds like your attitude is more positive, more looking towards hope and release instead of focusing on the prison.

 

It sounds like pursuing the "side effects" angle might be a good tack with the tribunal.  You can do this!

 

Camper, that's awesome advice - I have deep respect for Will Hall and how he's found his spiritual side through "psychotic" emergencies.  I also like Sean Blackwell for exploring these things (he focuses more on "manic" rather than "psychotic" or voice hearing.

 

I hope you see the sun today!

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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Hey Zombie,

 

I sent you a message in your message box.  I was just wondering about the Mucana tea.  Did you try it again after that first time?

 

Poet Jester

Court committed to take Prozac, Paxci, and Respiradol from 8/95 to 3/96.   developed severe akithisia and brain damage.  Was unable to speak and walking in circles 15 hours a day.  Went in for 5 sessions of ECT during a 10 day period in March of '96 and my forced medication was discontinued at that time.  My akithisia and brain damage cleared up within a few days of stopping the meds.

 

On Zoloft (200 mg) and Zyprexa (17.5 mg) March 1998- Feb 2014

In between was placed on Effexor 200 mg and Abilify for six months in 2004.  Developed mild akithisia which went away once I stopped the Abilify.  Developed severe GI issues in Dec 2001 and from that time on suffered from fatigue and hypersomnia where I would sleep between 12 and 20 hours a day and rarely ever left my apartment. 

 

Had tapered to 100 mg of Zoloft and 7.5 mg of Zyprexa at the time of going cold turkey Feb. 2014

Went 5 days without sleep at the beginning while vomiting all over my apt.  Had brain zaps for a number of weeks and also lightheadedness which both eventually went away.  However 2 1/2 yrs later I still struggle with insomnia, depression, and fatigue.

 

 

 

 

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Hi Zombie

 

Really sorry to read about what has happened to you. I heard voices during the two espisodes of psychosis that I had, they were quite negative and critical of me and confused the hell out of me at times, but were related to what was happening to me at the time. Some of my psychosis was also quite spiritual and profound but I was also quite dillusional - I thought people were against me and that my food and water were being poisoned amongst other things. I didn't tell the doctors about my dillusions and managed to hold it together so I got treated in the community. I stayed with my family while I recovered and I was put on 2 mg of Respiridone tablets and the voices went away. That was too much for me and I reduced to 1.5mg after about a month so I can't imagine what a depot injection is doing to you.

 

I've also read Will Hall and Eleanor Longdon. The Icarus Project Harm Reduction Guide to withdrawing from psychiatric drugs , written by Will Hall is excellent and I took a printed copy to show my doctors when I wanted to start tapering off Respiridone. It also talks about tapering to reduce your dose to a minimum dose that works for you if tapering off completely doesn't work. I talked about this to doctors and friends who had concerns about my taper- it helps calm fears.

 

I also read this report about Schizophrenia and Psychosis and hearing voices by the British Psychological Society back in the summer and found it very helpful. Gives the alternative perspective to hearing voices

https://www.bps.org.uk/system/files/user-files/Division%20of%20Clinical%20Psychology/public/understanding_psychosis_-_final_19th_nov_2014.pdf

Sorry If the link doesn't come out as one you can click on.

 

I still take some Respiridone though my long term aim is to taper off.

Anyway good luck. I wish you all the best in your fight against your order. Unfortunately you can't go cold turkey with anti psychotics, you'll end up back to square one. I relapsed two months after withdrawing from just 1 mg of Respiridone. I was really ill with Psychosis and couldn't work or function properly. You have to withdraw slowly and gradually unfortunately.

 

Best wishes

Camper

 

Hey Camper, thanks for your post :) 

I too thought my food and water was being poisoned, and on further research still believe this to be the case. Have you heard about the dangers of fluoride in water? GMOs/Pesticides in food? The movie Food Inc is very informative and insightful into the food industry. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKqdL7A_aUI

 

Thanks for sharing the link & harm reduction guide - much appreciated. I'll look into respiridone, hopefully I can make the switch over :) 

 

Hey Zombie - in many ways you sound better.  The sex thing sucks, especially in a new relationship.  But it also sounds like your attitude is more positive, more looking towards hope and release instead of focusing on the prison.

 

It sounds like pursuing the "side effects" angle might be a good tack with the tribunal.  You can do this!

 

Camper, that's awesome advice - I have deep respect for Will Hall and how he's found his spiritual side through "psychotic" emergencies.  I also like Sean Blackwell for exploring these things (he focuses more on "manic" rather than "psychotic" or voice hearing.

 

I hope you see the sun today!

 

Thanks JanCarol! Definitely feeling more positive about my future knowing that theres a very real possibility that I will begin my taper next month. Whilst I am definitely experiencing horrible side effects, I am clinging onto the hope that I will recover - looking forward to the day I can "feel" music and enjoy it. Keeps me pushing on :)

 

Hey Zombie,

 

I sent you a message in your message box.  I was just wondering about the Mucana tea.  Did you try it again after that first time?

 

Poet Jester

Hey Poet :) Will check this now, haven't tried the tea since, think it was more the fast from bad foods that gave me energy and happiness again. Was recommended to try mapacho ciggarettes also to resensitize dopamine neurotransmitters. Will keep you updated on how these go. My GP has me on a vegetable-based supplement which includes zinc, magnesium, P5P and vitamin-C, which I'm about to start tonight. Hope you've been well mate, always a pleasure to hear from you :)

 

--

 

Zombie

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hey Zombie - if you are already a smoker, nicotiana rustica (mapacho) might be a more natural, additive free alternative to commercial cigarettes..  But if you are not a smoker - I do not advise mapacho, as it is addicting like any tobacco product.

 

I was initiated into many of the Indigenous American ways, and it is vitally important - especially with tobacco (rustica included) - to respect the spirit of the plant.  Tobacco is an especially vital plant for worship.  To take it in as a substance disrespects the spirit of the plant.  To take it in prayer, that is another thing.  If you want to use this substance (and I am NOT recommending it:  it is addictive) then I recommend that you learn about the 4 directions, the 6 directions, the 7 directions. The qualities of East South West North Above Below, and Within.  When you incorporate Nicotiana Rustica in prayer, it can be transformative.  But to just inhale the smoke in hope of it "doing something," I doubt it.  Since you are in Australia, this is particularly tricky - I've had difficulty adapting many of my North American plant rituals to this continent.  

 

Nicotiana Rustica is also available in Asia, especially Vietnam.  I do not know the practices around the plant there.  I'm concerned - when I investigated Australian law, I found that I could get in MORE trouble for untaxed tobacco, growing my own, than I could for growing my own cannabis.  Where does one get nicotina rustica?  

 

Please, really, consider not adding to your brain load.  Please consider natural practices such as breathing, yoga, meditation, shamanic dance & journeys, storytelling, writing, painting, drawing - in order to enhance you healing.

 

Feel the Chi!

 

The Food, Inc. stuff changed my life, too.  I got a filter to get the fluoride out of my drinking water.  I think it's criminal to put those industrial chemicals into the drinking supply.  But do take care - while much of our world has been polluted with pesticides, herbicides, hormones, etc - you live in a fairly pure part of the world.  Watching what you eat should - as you have discovered - help you immensely.  

 

Simple things like washing fruits & veg before preparing or eating them, can take away 98% of the problems.  And we are lucky in Australia:  hormones in meat and milk are illegal, GMO's must be labeled.  So it's not as bad as the US, for example (where Food Inc was made).

 

I hope you see the sun today!
 

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

Link to comment

Hey Zombie - if you are already a smoker, nicotiana rustica (mapacho) might be a more natural, additive free alternative to commercial cigarettes..  But if you are not a smoker - I do not advise mapacho, as it is addicting like any tobacco product.

 

I was initiated into many of the Indigenous American ways, and it is vitally important - especially with tobacco (rustica included) - to respect the spirit of the plant.  Tobacco is an especially vital plant for worship.  To take it in as a substance disrespects the spirit of the plant.  To take it in prayer, that is another thing.  If you want to use this substance (and I am NOT recommending it:  it is addictive) then I recommend that you learn about the 4 directions, the 6 directions, the 7 directions. The qualities of East South West North Above Below, and Within.  When you incorporate Nicotiana Rustica in prayer, it can be transformative.  But to just inhale the smoke in hope of it "doing something," I doubt it.  Since you are in Australia, this is particularly tricky - I've had difficulty adapting many of my North American plant rituals to this continent.  

 

Nicotiana Rustica is also available in Asia, especially Vietnam.  I do not know the practices around the plant there.  I'm concerned - when I investigated Australian law, I found that I could get in MORE trouble for untaxed tobacco, growing my own, than I could for growing my own cannabis.  Where does one get nicotina rustica?  

 

Please, really, consider not adding to your brain load.  Please consider natural practices such as breathing, yoga, meditation, shamanic dance & journeys, storytelling, writing, painting, drawing - in order to enhance you healing.

 

Feel the Chi!

 

The Food, Inc. stuff changed my life, too.  I got a filter to get the fluoride out of my drinking water.  I think it's criminal to put those industrial chemicals into the drinking supply.  But do take care - while much of our world has been polluted with pesticides, herbicides, hormones, etc - you live in a fairly pure part of the world.  Watching what you eat should - as you have discovered - help you immensely.  

 

Simple things like washing fruits & veg before preparing or eating them, can take away 98% of the problems.  And we are lucky in Australia:  hormones in meat and milk are illegal, GMO's must be labeled.  So it's not as bad as the US, for example (where Food Inc was made).

 

I hope you see the sun today!

 

I am so grateful for your posts JanCarol - always insightful and informative. It's comforting to hear that others too can see the things I see. My family never really have supported me through all this in the way I needed, though they'd say they did. Thankyou :)

 

I am a heavy smoker, apparently it breaks down the enzymes of Abilify in my system. So I smoke as much as I possibly can, when I heard that.

 

UPDATE 8/3/16:

Saw DR LUCIRE yesterday with my mum who diagnosed me with 'cannabis withdrawal psychosis', which sounds a lot closer to the mark in my mind. I'm going to have another tribunal, and pending on how I am treated by the community team over the next months, will take Yolande's advice and run away, tapering slowly under her guidance. Very real possibility that I have had my final injection, which is great, though I'm feeling depressed of late knowing how long it may be before music sounds good, can feel happiness again, and HOPEFULLY that I can hear voices again to follow my spiritual journey in life.

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

UPDATE 20/3/16:

Not sure if indecision is a result of the antipsychotics, never had so much difficulty with deciding important things prior to meds...

I've finally reached a turning point in my life and have to decide between two options;
1) flee to another state, switch to orals immediately and begin tapering off - this will have no effect on my compulsory treatment order other than not being able to return to my home state for a while (not sure exactly how long at the time of writing). Advantage of this is obviously being off meds and recovering soonest.

I was granted a lowered dose - am now at 300mg injections by the community team psychiatrist last week.

 

2) Let the compulsory treatment order run its course - they are beginning to lower my injection, but no end date in sight - could be 6-12months away. 

-

I have never bought into psychiatry's definition of mental illness, and do not consider myself ill (even though I have become ill by taking their poisonous drugs). I raised the point that there is no difference between spirituality and schizophrenia with my community doctor, who surprisngly agreed. He says i need to have insight into the need for meds, which is tough, as they have only done me harm.

 

-

I am really keen to hear from someone who has been on antipsychotics for a period of 1 or 2 years and how their recovery has gone.

Am doing OKAY otherwise. Passing time is getting more difficult each day, but ive got another few weeks before i need to decide on what to do.

*Forced* drugging history:

  • Unknown cocktail during 2x admissions
  • 400mg aripiprazole monohydrate monthly injections: 2015 - present
  • 1,200mg sodium valproate orals daily: 2017 - present

 

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Hi ZM --- I've been on antipsychotics for a very long time ~ 15 yrs. I recently decided to taper without the help of my docs. They don't think it's a good thing. But YES--- difficulty making any decisions or having any initiative to do much of anything is probably because of the antipsychotic. I speak from experience when I say tapering from my atypical antipsychotic has been an awakening. I was extremely passive, mentally slowed, just kinda a hunk of meat getting by from day to day. I certainly don't want to live this life of mine like that. Now I'm down more than half of what I used to take and my personality is leafing out again. My physical health is better too. I'm naturally a very creative person. That was seriously compromised with meds. I think many people are uncomfortable with the folks who demonstrate behavior that doesn't fall in the 40% - 60% range ( non violent behavior of course). So their answer is " make them more like me"..... Which usually means meds for us. ZM - take hope! It can be much brighter for you. I do wish that you come to a decision that fits into your life at this time. Just so you know, it took me two years to decide to taper off meds in earnest.

Best of everything to you!

1998: Diagnosed Bipolar 1

9/15/15:  abilify 3 mg, down from 10 mg. started the reduction in 5/15. On Effexor 150 mg down from 300mg. in that time, my psychiatrist wanted me to try Latuda, which I tried then quit after 5 days. Then there was the Rexulti .5 mg for 3 days. I quit that, too.

11/4/15: increased abilify from 3mg to 4mg at behest of docs because I was feeling extremely detached + volatile + moods vascillating wildly

3/19/16: 3mg abilify, 150 mg effexor -12beads.  

9/13/17 - 1st day off of venlafaxine in ~ 12 yrs

 10/4/17 : 2 mg abilify

 

    

Supplements:  Magnesium Citrate ~300mg

"it's not rotten, it's a good brain!"

------Young Frankenstein------

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  • Mentor

 

Hi Zombie

 

Really sorry to read about what has happened to you. I heard voices during the two espisodes of psychosis that I had, they were quite negative and critical of me and confused the hell out of me at times, but were related to what was happening to me at the time. Some of my psychosis was also quite spiritual and profound but I was also quite dillusional - I thought people were against me and that my food and water were being poisoned amongst other things. I didn't tell the doctors about my dillusions and managed to hold it together so I got treated in the community. I stayed with my family while I recovered and I was put on 2 mg of Respiridone tablets and the voices went away. That was too much for me and I reduced to 1.5mg after about a month so I can't imagine what a depot injection is doing to you.

 

I've also read Will Hall and Eleanor Longdon. The Icarus Project Harm Reduction Guide to withdrawing from psychiatric drugs , written by Will Hall is excellent and I took a printed copy to show my doctors when I wanted to start tapering off Respiridone. It also talks about tapering to reduce your dose to a minimum dose that works for you if tapering off completely doesn't work. I talked about this to doctors and friends who had concerns about my taper- it helps calm fears.

 

I also read this report about Schizophrenia and Psychosis and hearing voices by the British Psychological Society back in the summer and found it very helpful. Gives the alternative perspective to hearing voices

https://www.bps.org.uk/system/files/user-files/Division%20of%20Clinical%20Psychology/public/understanding_psychosis_-_final_19th_nov_2014.pdf

Sorry If the link doesn't come out as one you can click on.

 

I still take some Respiridone though my long term aim is to taper off.

Anyway good luck. I wish you all the best in your fight against your order. Unfortunately you can't go cold turkey with anti psychotics, you'll end up back to square one. I relapsed two months after withdrawing from just 1 mg of Respiridone. I was really ill with Psychosis and couldn't work or function properly. You have to withdraw slowly and gradually unfortunately.

 

Best wishes

Camper

 

Hey Camper, thanks for your post :) 

I too thought my food and water was being poisoned, and on further research still believe this to be the case. Have you heard about the dangers of fluoride in water? GMOs/Pesticides in food? The movie Food Inc is very informative and insightful into the food industry. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKqdL7A_aUI

 

Thanks for sharing the link & harm reduction guide - much appreciated. I'll look into respiridone, hopefully I can make the switch over :) 

 

Hey Zombie - in many ways you sound better.  The sex thing sucks, especially in a new relationship.  But it also sounds like your attitude is more positive, more looking towards hope and release instead of focusing on the prison.

 

It sounds like pursuing the "side effects" angle might be a good tack with the tribunal.  You can do this!

 

Camper, that's awesome advice - I have deep respect for Will Hall and how he's found his spiritual side through "psychotic" emergencies.  I also like Sean Blackwell for exploring these things (he focuses more on "manic" rather than "psychotic" or voice hearing.

 

I hope you see the sun today!

 

Thanks JanCarol! Definitely feeling more positive about my future knowing that theres a very real possibility that I will begin my taper next month. Whilst I am definitely experiencing horrible side effects, I am clinging onto the hope that I will recover - looking forward to the day I can "feel" music and enjoy it. Keeps me pushing on :)

 

Hey Zombie,

 

I sent you a message in your message box.  I was just wondering about the Mucana tea.  Did you try it again after that first time?

 

Poet Jester

Hey Poet :) Will check this now, haven't tried the tea since, think it was more the fast from bad foods that gave me energy and happiness again. Was recommended to try mapacho ciggarettes also to resensitize dopamine neurotransmitters. Will keep you updated on how these go. My GP has me on a vegetable-based supplement which includes zinc, magnesium, P5P and vitamin-C, which I'm about to start tonight. Hope you've been well mate, always a pleasure to hear from you :)

 

--

 

Zombie

 

Interested in fluoride............................. will watch when i CAN.................... 

1992 Dothiepin 375mg 8 weeks, exhaustion/depression.  Serotonin syndrome, oh yes!  seizures . Fell pregnant, 3rd baby, Nitrous Oxide, 3 weeks mental hospital pp psychosis. zoloft tegretol.

Feb 1996 ct tegretol, tapered Zoloft 8 weeks. as (unexpectedly)  pregnant. Steven died after 3 days.(Zolft HLHS baby).  98 had run in with Paxil, 2 tablets, 3 weeks taper, survived.
2005..menopause? exhausted again. Zyprexa, mad in three days, fallout....  Seroquel, Effexor, tegretol,   and 8 years of self destruction. Failed taper.
Damn 1/4 valium... nuts again! .fallout, zoloft 100mg  seroquol 400mg mirtazapine 45 mg  tegretol 400mg.  Mid 14 3 month taper. Nov 14 CRASH.
Mid 15 ....   75mg  seroquel,  3 x 1800mg SJW  2 week window end of December followed by 6 week wave
5/2 68mg seroquel, 2.5 x 1800mg SJW::::20/2 61mg seroquel, 2.5 x  SJW::: 26/2 54mg seroquel, 2 x SJW::::21/3 43mg seroquel, 1 x 2700SJW :::: 23/4 36mg seroquel 1 x 1800 SJW
15/5 33mg seroquel, 1 x SJW::::   28/5 30mg seroquel, 1 x SJW::::;  18/6 25mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::::, 11/7 21mg seroquel 1/2 SJW::, 26/7 18mg seroquel 1/2 SJW:::, 9/8 12mg seroquel :::, 16/8 6mg seroquel ;;;;, 12/9 0 jump.

23/9  3mg.....,  27/9 0mg.  Reinstated, 6mg, then 12mg.............  LIGHTBULB MOMENT,  I have  MTHFR 2x mutations.  CFS and issues with MOULD in my home. So I left home, and working 150km away during week, loving it.

Oh was hard, panic attacks first week, gone now, along with the mould issues.

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