☼ The loving, positive voice hearer turned 'ZombieMode' by antipsychotics

[powerback]

Update 10/05/2016 - The day before my next Tribunal.

 

Wish I could say I'm getting better, but glad to report I'm not really getting any worse. Just flat-lining my way through life. Every day is the same, every minute...

 

Dr Yolande Lucire & my barrister will be in attendance at tomorrow's tribunal. Doubtful of a positive result (end to the forced "treatment"), but can't really get a negative one.. Still stuck as a pincushion for the Governments poison. Aim is to reverse diagnosis from schizophrenia to drug induced psychosis. They gave me a dual diagnosis in the beginning, so lets just see how it goes.

 

On a few supplements (magnesium, P5P, zinc) which seem to be helping with digestion, but nothing amazing to report.

 

I've always been a big believer in plant medicine, and have been in contact with a few clinics in Costa Rica to do an Iboga cleanse - when I'm eventually off this crap. 

 

My understanding is that these antipsychotic drugs reduce dopamine levels and wreak (?) havoc on the endocrine system (thyroid, testes, pituitary, etc). I'm hoping that Iboga will help restore normalcy in my HPA axis/neurotransmitters. Am going to purchase Uridine, St Johns Wort, L-Tyrosine, Mucuna Pruiens and continue with the weed (against the doctors' advice), in hopes that I know whats best for myself. Will report my progress, if any. & Obviously not recommending anyone do the same.

 

Looking back on my experience and past posts - I have most certainly changed. For the worse. I still maintain to this day that there is little, if any, difference between what they call "psychosis" and what I know to be "spiritual". Sure, there's varying degrees of intensity, but nobody can convince me otherwise that I was communicating with someone or something. 

 

These "voices" or "psychic abilities" have long since left, and it is the intent of my "treatment team" (torturers) to ensure it doesn't return - completely against my will and with no regard to my desires. This is all I want from my life - the abilities I had to return. And not just in terms of my communications with archangel Michael, but the things we take for granted - thoughts, emotions, energy.... All lost, but not forgotton.

 

Am toying with the idea of some crazy homicidal event - but I could never harm another person (sounding hypocritical, but again, I maintain that my brother assaulted me first - which is what got me stuck in the system in the first place). Need to find a way to channel these thoughts in a positive way to create awareness of the dangers of psychiatry and their poison.

 

Could write for hours, sometimes. 

 

OH! I miss music most. Was always into conscious rap - can't keep up with the lyrics nowadays, but recall the last song I ever cried tears of joy to:

 

Sounds flat nowadays, but still a beautiful tune.

 

-Zombie

hi zombie , I am so dam angry reading how u been treated.on behalf of human beings I apologise .seriously like when will the human race ever cop on and get rid of the ego ,the irony is most of these quacks should be on the poison .  have u heard of will hall ,check him out on YouTube, great  man .I hope he can bring u comfort.

Great tune .its given me the buzz to get out of bed and do something thanks .

Peace and stay strong .

 

[Plshelp]

Yikes! Hallucinations sound scary! How is everyone doing? Any success coming off antipsychotics?

[ZombieMode]

hi zombie , I am so dam angry reading how u been treated.on behalf of human beings I apologise .seriously like when will the human race ever cop on and get rid of the ego ,the irony is most of these quacks should be on the poison .  have u heard of will hall ,check him out on YouTube, great  man .I hope he can bring u comfort.

Great tune .its given me the buzz to get out of bed and do something thanks .

Peace and stay strong .

Will is awesome! I'll print that guide off tomorrow and attempt to read, thanks

 

It's pretty disgusting how ive been treated, I never knew such a thing as a "mental health system" existed, prior to my experience with them... I went in quite unprepared which didn't help... I

 

Yikes! Hallucinations sound scary! How is everyone doing? Any success coming off antipsychotics?

I was always high on weed every time a psychiatrist saw me. I've been made a victim of a wrong diagnosis spiral.

 

I had success coming off 400mg abilify which took 8 months recovery from the one years injection

[Loom]

Maybe you should set a goal not to come off of meds but to lower them to the lowest level as possible so you will feel your emotions and at the same time not being paranoid. 

 

 

Loom.

[Plshelp]

 

hi zombie , I am so dam angry reading how u been treated.on behalf of human beings I apologise .seriously like when will the human race ever cop on and get rid of the ego ,the irony is most of these quacks should be on the poison . have u heard of will hall ,check him out on YouTube, great man .I hope he can bring u comfort.

Great tune .its given me the buzz to get out of bed and do something thanks .

Peace and stay strong .

Will is awesome! I'll print that guide off tomorrow and attempt to read, thanks

 

It's pretty disgusting how ive been treated, I never knew such a thing as a "mental health system" existed, prior to my experience with them... I went in quite unprepared which didn't help... I

Yikes! Hallucinations sound scary! How is everyone doing? Any success coming off antipsychotics?

I was always high on weed every time a psychiatrist saw me. I've been made a victim of a wrong diagnosis spiral.

 

I had success coming off 400mg abilify which took 8 months recovery from the one years injection

Zombie mode

 

You had success? Did you have any withdrawal symptoms?

[lee337]

Hey zombiemode i have been checking your posts on here since you started. i got a million things i want to say to you. but i just saw a few days ago they got you again. i didnt check for quite a few months because you said you were recovering from the poison. im sorry to ask you this and you dont have to say anything but i would really appreciate you explaining how you got locked up this this and what is happening to you now? I would like to know because i was with you in this even though i never posted anything.

[ZombieMode]

Hey Lee, how are you?

 

I did make a full recovery from the poison. I was better than ever, 110% improvement - I couldn't believe it! I decided I would start smoking weed again as I had previously used it to achieve a deeper state of meditation, and found it helped with yoga and insights into my life.

 

My parents found out and decided that despite my previous suffering they would call the hospital. I wasn't even living with them at the time, but that was enough to get me involuntarily admitted and wrongly diagnosed as a schizoaffective person. The law in my country is that they cannot do this, yet they did. Twice.

 

So to answer your question, yes I smoked weed again, and now I'm on 1200mg epilim, 20mg zyprexa (both taken daily) and an abiljfy injection monthly.

 

I feel terrible, these "medicines" make me feel like killing myself.

 

I hope one day to emigrate to a safer country where forced mental poisoning doesn't exist, if such a place exists. All I want from life is happiness, health and a chance to explore my own spirituality (emotion & feeling). Which is not permissible in australia as proven by my case.

 

-Zombie

[ZombieMode]

Plshelp,

 

I had zero withdrawal symptoms from abilify injections. It just took a long time to recover (8months) but I did recover.

[lee337]

Ok so did you have a anger outburst? Why are you on multiple poisons now? Why didnt they release you sooner 8 weeks is a long time? How long is this order for or what is the go this time with the order. fleeing is an option.

[Plshelp]

Hey Lee, how are you?

 

I did make a full recovery from the poison. I was better than ever, 110% improvement - I couldn't believe it! I decided I would start smoking weed again as I had previously used it to achieve a deeper state of meditation, and found it helped with yoga and insights into my life.

 

My parents found out and decided that despite my previous suffering they would call the hospital. I wasn't even living with them at the time, but that was enough to get me involuntarily admitted and wrongly diagnosed as a schizoaffective person. The law in my country is that they cannot do this, yet they did. Twice.

 

So to answer your question, yes I smoked weed again, and now I'm on 1200mg epilim, 20mg zyprexa (both taken daily) and an abiljfy injection monthly.

 

I feel terrible, these "medicines" make me feel like killing myself.

 

I hope one day to emigrate to a safer country where forced mental poisoning doesn't exist, if such a place exists. All I want from life is happiness, health and a chance to explore my own spirituality (emotion & feeling). Which is not permissible in australia as proven by my case.

 

-Zombie

Zombie,

 

So you're back on the poisons again? Wth! That's outrageous! Will you be able to get off anytime soon? Zyprexa is the devil. Hey, are you on fb? You should join the zyprexa and abilify should be illegal pages. Just so you know, even in Canada they can have you medicated if you're showing signs that you're a danger to yourself, or others. If you've been to the hospital, ppl can call the cops on you and have you brought there against your will. It's awful. If you try to run, they put out an apb on you that lasts for 5 years .that's how harsh the medical system is here with regards to mental illness.

[powerback]

sorry for interrupting but this is disgraceful ,and we wonder why there's so much stigma about "normal" mental illness ,let alone the situations people get into because of so called authorities      

[ZombieMode]

From the moment I was forcefully sent to a mental hospital back in 2015, I knew I had to escape. I already knew about the dangers and corruption that exist within the medical industry, plus, I knew I was innocent and never should had been sent there in the first place. During that first hospital admission, I was force fed poison which robbed me of all things positive I had in my life. I knew it was bad after just 6 short weeks.

 

I spent the following year fighting the assholes who were poisoning me out in the community - because well, the law exists to keep people in the MH system - whether that be in a hospital or out in the community its the same. Still in their control system.

 

I won. They withdrew interest in me and I was free.

 

After 8 months of an easy withdrawal, where I cold-turkey quit Abilify injections, I felt fantastic. As good as I could ever remember life being, perhaps even greater. 

 

After just 2 short months (so 10 months total off the abilify) I was forced into a hospital again. This time, for "looking up at the sun on a hot day". During hospital I performed in "rituals"; which was actually just Yoga....

 

These people are insane. They exist solely to kill a person.

 

They have come close. I am near death nowadays. No end currently in sight.

[lee337]

Look bro I been checking everyday for your reply I want to know what's going on in your life and I'm in this with you all the way back in 2015 I was with you . you did win. But now you lost again. I want to make sure you know how to win for good. Because you are right. They are killing you. I want you to live. They want you to suffer. You will learn a lot from suffering but to be honest zombie mode I wished you suffered just that little bit more the first time so much so you would have never risked another assault on your spirit and your precious soul from these putrid scum who abuse you with death. And rob you of your health. Talk to me man I'll respond.

[ZombieMode]

55 minutes ago, lee337 said:

Look bro I been checking everyday for your reply I want to know what's going on in your life and I'm in this with you all the way back in 2015 I was with you . you did win. But now you lost again. I want to make sure you know how to win for good. Because you are right. They are killing you. I want you to live. They want you to suffer. You will learn a lot from suffering but to be honest zombie mode I wished you suffered just that little bit more the first time so much so you would have never risked another assault on your spirit and your precious soul from these putrid scum who abuse you with death. And rob you of your health. Talk to me man I'll respond.

 

Sorry mate I don't remember reading your last message.. I'm a scattered mess right now, much more afflicted by these poisons than I was the first time....

 

I hope you can understand my pathetic excuse....

 

I'm not sure it is possible to permanently win. My record and reputation has obviously been tarnished... Not even going to mention my person...

 

At the time, this second admission.. I was doing everything I could to remain safe. I was admitted for "looking up at the sun" and then kept in hospital because they said I was performing weird rituals.... I was just doing yoga.

 

I'm not sure there's anything I can do to free myself and remain free from psychiatry. They apparently own my life and it is apparently unwanted by government for a citizen to experience true health and happiness. Makes sense. So they damn me to this life of plain existance where my only choice - according to them - is to passively comply for the remainder of my life.

 

**** that.

 

I missed out on enough during my younger years. I found something within myself that made my life exciting, every day, and certainly worth living.. And they say that's not allowed.

 

But even still that's all just a problem to deal with another day: recovery, I mean.

 

Right now my only hope of returning to my own life is to escape the poison. I'm open to ideas. Time is ticking for me, I don't know how much more retardation I can handle...

 

Zombie

[lee337]

You are in such a dark place and I know how you feel. I am a victim of the same ****. At pretty much the same time in 2015 . you have options and I want to tell you them. There is a way to escape. But wherever you go you are taking yourself with you. You need to protect yourself. You need to accept that in this country they do this. I accepted it. Its wrong. And there is much wrong in this world. I'm glad you felt recovery before that means there is a good chance you will again. But part of your next recovery will be not showing your strengths which others are seeing as weaknesses. I hummed for hours. Walked 30 to 60 km a day on their treadmill in hospital . in a mental hospital setting they saw me as diseased ( pschizophrenia) and drugged me until I was bedridden and destroyed. And said I was in remission. On the outside I still now do 30 to 40 km a day with calisthenics and I'm a healthy positive human being. They are the weak ones. Using strengths of others and using them as evidence of weakness. They are dumb and deserve much pain in life. How far are you willing to go to escape? Do you have a car? Money? Is it worth it? How long are you on this order for are they telling you anything? Why more than abilify this time? Let's go through some info on what exactly is your situation this time. Do you have a passport. Are you scared? Do you want to fight back. Do you want to live in peace. Can you grow spiritually and be whoever you want to be but in private this time don't let anyone see but you and god or mother earth or whoever you believe in. Archangel Michael. I don't judge you. Just remember your in a very dark place again you need to get out of there. Don't be a victim forever. Learn from your mistakes. I'm going to talk this one out with you ok you need to work out some serious issues and I want to be here to support you bit by bit. Let me know how much you want to stick it to these horrible people. 

[ZombieMode]

1 hour ago, lee337 said:

You are in such a dark place and I know how you feel. I am a victim of the same ****. At pretty much the same time in 2015 . you have options and I want to tell you them. There is a way to escape. But wherever you go you are taking yourself with you. You need to protect yourself. You need to accept that in this country they do this. I accepted it. Its wrong. And there is much wrong in this world. I'm glad you felt recovery before that means there is a good chance you will again. But part of your next recovery will be not showing your strengths which others are seeing as weaknesses. I hummed for hours. Walked 30 to 60 km a day on their treadmill in hospital . in a mental hospital setting they saw me as diseased ( pschizophrenia) and drugged me until I was bedridden and destroyed. And said I was in remission. On the outside I still now do 30 to 40 km a day with calisthenics and I'm a healthy positive human being. They are the weak ones. Using strengths of others and using them as evidence of weakness. They are dumb and deserve much pain in life. How far are you willing to go to escape? Do you have a car? Money? Is it worth it? How long are you on this order for are they telling you anything? Why more than abilify this time? Let's go through some info on what exactly is your situation this time. Do you have a passport. Are you scared? Do you want to fight back. Do you want to live in peace. Can you grow spiritually and be whoever you want to be but in private this time don't let anyone see but you and god or mother earth or whoever you believe in. Archangel Michael. I don't judge you. Just remember your in a very dark place again you need to get out of there. Don't be a victim forever. Learn from your mistakes. I'm going to talk this one out with you ok you need to work out some serious issues and I want to be here to support you bit by bit. Let me know how much you want to stick it to these horrible people. 

 

I agree - though I'm unaware of how dark it actually is. I don't feel ****.

I understand what you're saying, lee, my top priority is to free myself from forced poisoning and then remain free. I'd do anything to live out my experience, not to have it tampered with.

 

BRILLIANT POINT man! Not showing my strengths! That's exactly what I did wrong in hospital - outward display of power. I'm nothing nowadays.

 

I don't really know how far I'd go to escape. It depends how fast I can recover because right now I feel so pathetic that I can't even stand up! Had there been no poison, I'd be off living like a cave-mann in the bush to avoid it. They will drug me indefinitely... Just business as usual for them.

 

I forget what spirituality is. I forget what life is and what it all means. I forget how to have a voice, how to move...

I'm uncomfortably numb.

 

IDK WTF to do!

 

 

 

 

 

[lee337]

Your spirit will follow you. Wherever you go. You have to make a decision. Have they told you indefinitely? Is there no end in sight? If that is the case then that's what I was told. And I want you to know there is a way out.

[ZombieMode]

Updating this thread for the sake of completeness.

 

I was on 10 months ability injections and recovered completely without any withdrawal effects after 8 months.

 

This time I am on ability injections again plus epilim. I am about 1.5yrs total psych drugging and have completely lost all hope and will and desire to continue my life.

 

I live in NSW, Australia and am on a forced community treatment order. I cannot get off no matter how hard I try. They want to kill me and they have nearly succeeded.

 

Bye

[powerback]

is  there any type of human rights council there that can help with such a case ,this is disgusting to blame a so called condition .when your brain is obviously suffering from the meds .

on belalf of the  human races  ignorance I apologise .

journalist need to be  taking these stories up rather than the vacuous pointless celebrities they write about .

[Martina23]

1 hour ago, powerback said:

is  there any type of human rights council there that can help with such a case ,this is disgusting to blame a so called condition .when your brain is obviously suffering from the meds .

on belalf of the  human races  ignorance I apologise .

journalist need to be  taking these stories up rather than the vacuous pointless celebrities they write about .

I agree about the pointless celebrities. Zombie, for how long do you have to stay on that forced order?

[ZombieMode]

How do you find motivation to do anything?

 

All I have ever wanted to do was run and hide to give myself my right to not be poisoned by these scumbags...

 

Yet I am so deeply affected by their filthy drugs that I cannot even sit straight, let alone walk... Let alone run and hide in a new location.

 

I'm so lost. My heart needs to flee, my head is so scattered..

 

Someone please . SOS.

[powerback]

 Hi zombie I'm floating around here myself today very tired in bed only on a micro taper and getting worse .

making myself useful trying to save my brother from medical doctors.but he's being pig headed even after seeing what's happened to me ,I know its mad .

Is there even a place to complain in that country for the abuse you've got ,seriously it sounds like the fifties there .

the hardest thing mite be to play them at there own game ,as much as it angers you ,fake it around the doctors ,take the meds and slowly taper on your own ,its a mine field though because we think were loosing our minds on them .

the worst thing to do is show aggression and if that's what got you in there for[no judgement ] ,its there baseline to show you are ill .

these people are truly idiots to think there helping .its up to us to do the research .you see humans are hard wired to flee from aggression .I punched the door the other day ,no one around .I just let temper out like we breathe .but to idiots that's a problem .

[powerback]

17 minutes ago, ZombieMode said:

How do you find motivation to do anything?

 

All I have ever wanted to do was run and hide to give myself my right to not be poisoned by these scumbags...

 

Yet I am so deeply affected by their filthy drugs that I cannot even sit straight, let alone walk... Let alone run and hide in a new location.

 

I'm so lost. My heart needs to flee, my head is so scattered..

 

Someone please . SOS.

there's a survey to do here, could fill some time ,I know the last thing you want  to be reminded of   is dugs .

[Plshelp]

Zombiemode. I'm sorry to hear that you're back on the meds. I hope that you can get off them soon. We're here for you. 

[lee337]

Hey bro I can't get ur msg you ok what's happening

[Martina23]

Zombie, you should hold on. You will win again. Life is so long. Just try to survive it until the court will free you. Write about that a book. Put it to the media that everyone knows about it. When you can leave, move far from your parents somewhere where they cant see you -so you can not be poisoned again. There are so many tough things in life, try just to survive until you leave. They can not keep you there forever.

 

I wish you luck

[lee337]

 hey man how are you are you OK how long have you got left till your next tribunal how do you think it's all going to go

[ZombieMode]

Hello All :-)

 

In April this year I will be discharged from the forced treatment order.

 

That's a little over three years forced neuroleptic & other psychiatric drugs.

 

I do carry with me huge regret for not running away from this MH system - the fear at the time would have been much more pleasureable than the end result I now live with.

 

I wish I never complied, conformed. 

 

Sure, I'll be free. But I never knew that the 'I' would be different: I'm not me anymore. I'm nothing now.

[Martina23]

Zombie, that is great that you will be released. You'll see after you are released you will taper off this garbage and after some time you will be ok. But this time please try that the parents will never catch you by yoga or any things which may look like that you are different to the majority of population. I know it is not negative,but some people can not grasp it,so that you dont end there again.

[ZombieMode]

Thanks Martina :-)

Yeah I guess it's good to be nearing the end of this order. I think it's because they know I've reached a point of non-recovery. Meaning that I'll never be able to recover myself after taking this stuff for 3 years.

 

I'm not even alive.

[Happy2Heal]

12 hours ago, ZombieMode said:

Thanks Martina :-)

Yeah I guess it's good to be nearing the end of this order. I think it's because they know I've reached a point of non-recovery. Meaning that I'll never be able to recover myself after taking this stuff for 3 years.

 

I'm not even alive.

 

 

You will be able to recover, ZM, you WILL.

I was forced to take haldol and stelazine and then voluntarily, not knowing they were toxins, took many MANY other psych meds for over 40yrs

I'm now off all drugs, after tapering a bit too fast (DON"T DO THIS! go slow, it will be much easier on you) and I"m doing great. I'm not fully recovered but I'm almost there.

 

you will recover "yourself"- You are still there, your brain has just been a bit scrambled by the chemicals, but your brain wants to heal and it will.

believe that!

it's not false hope, you will have a good life in time. 

[Plshelp]

On 03/02/2018 at 10:36 PM, ZombieMode said:

Thanks Martina :-)

Yeah I guess it's good to be nearing the end of this order. I think it's because they know I've reached a point of non-recovery. Meaning that I'll never be able to recover myself after taking this stuff for 3 years.

 

I'm not even alive.

Zombie, I know how you feel. I feel dead inside on so many levels. I took these poisons as they were forced upon me also for 9 months. I'm 7 months off and still not well. Nothing has improved. I'm severely disabled and barely function. And....i turned to the dark side and started taking an antidepressant 3 months ago, bcus suicide was on my every waking breath. I hope that you can get off and maybe something will change. There are some ppl who have miraculous recoveries. 

On 04/02/2018 at 10:55 AM, Happy2Heal said:

 

 

You will be able to recover, ZM, you WILL.

I was forced to take haldol and stelazine and then voluntarily, not knowing they were toxins, took many MANY other psych meds for over 40yrs

I'm now off all drugs, after tapering a bit too fast (DON"T DO THIS! go slow, it will be much easier on you) and I"m doing great. I'm not fully recovered but I'm almost there.

 

you will recover "yourself"- You are still there, your brain has just been a bit scrambled by the chemicals, but your brain wants to heal and it will.

believe that!

it's not false hope, you will have a good life in time. 

Happy 2 heal, you're one of the lucky few who have regained themselves back. I wish I was as fortunate as you. Best of luck in your recovery. 

[Happy2Heal]

8 hours ago, Plshelp said:

Zombie, I know how you feel. I feel dead inside on so many levels. I took these poisons as they were forced upon me also for 9 months. I'm 7 months off and still not well. Nothing has improved. I'm severely disabled and barely function. And....i turned to the dark side and started taking an antidepressant 3 months ago, bcus suicide was on my every waking breath. I hope that you can get off and maybe something will change. There are some ppl who have miraculous recoveries. 

Happy 2 heal, you're one of the lucky few who have regained themselves back. I wish I was as fortunate as you. Best of luck in your recovery. 

 

 

I don't believe that I'm one of the few, Plshelp, I believe I'm one of the MANY. What you see on a forum online for people having difficulty going off psych meds is NOT representative of the whole vast population who has successfully gone off these drugs, 

instead, it's the portion of them that are having troubles with it.

There are thousands or tens of thousands of people just like me who got off successfully.

 

Having a good outlook can help you to do better. 

7 mos off is not very long.

It takes time for the brain to heal but it DOES heal.

 

I hope that you are able to give it another go when you're feeling stronger, if that's what you want to do,, that is.

 

all the best, 

[ZombieMode]

@Plshelp, it took 8 months off ability injections for me to completely recover and it happened almost overnight - you may be a lot closer than it seems!

 

I am a mess right now

These drugs have absolutely ruined my life, the most disturbing is the loss of my ability to communicate. I'd settle to just be able to speak normally, accepting that my previous ability may never return

 

The fact that these people say it's a part of an illness I don't have not exists... Is an insult I'm close to retaliating over

 

[Plshelp]

59 minutes ago, ZombieMode said:

@Plshelp, it took 8 months off ability injections for me to completely recover and it happened almost overnight - you may be a lot closer than it seems!

 

I am a mess right now

These drugs have absolutely ruined my life, the most disturbing is the loss of my ability to communicate. I'd settle to just be able to speak normally, accepting that my previous ability may never return

 

The fact that these people say it's a part of an illness I don't have not exists... Is an insult I'm close to retaliating over

 

8 months off? How long were you on the abilify injections? I know a girl that really struggled off Seroquel for 8 months. Tried committing suicide multiple times a day and was unsuccessful. Then, one day, she woke up and it was like a switch flipped in her brain. She's still struggling with some symptoms, but not like before. I just feel so dead inside on so many levels. 

 

I also find all these things to be very disturbing. Like, all the issues I have are what ppl who are schizophrenic "supposedly" have. But what most ppl don't realize, is, the antipsychotics actually cause all these issues. And it's not just schizophrenic ppl that have the same symptoms. Any person who has been put on antipsychotics displays these issues. 

 

I'm sorry you're struggling with alogia. It's not fun. I can relate. 

 

Are you still on the poison? Idk if I'm going to heal by being on antidepressants. I'm trying to look into legal suicide. I can't live like this anymore. This is not life. I'm also contacting lawyers to see if I can sue for medical malpractice. I am severely disabled and I miss my life immensely. I miss being able to feel anything. 

 

I hope things can somehow improve for you zombiemode. <3

[Happy2Heal]

8 hours ago, Plshelp said:

Are you still on the poison? Idk if I'm going to heal by being on antidepressants. I'm trying to look into legal suicide. I can't live like this anymore. This is not life. I'm also contacting lawyers to see if I can sue for medical malpractice. I am severely disabled and I miss my life immensely. I miss being able to feel anything. 

 

 

hi Plshelp

 

If your signature is true and you truly want help, I am going to say something that may sound harsh but is NOT meant to be.

if you want to heal, you must stop thinking and talking about suicide.

You also need to stop thinking of yourself as severely disabled. I don't doubt that you are suffering, but believe me, if you were in fact severely disabled, you would not have been able to write that sentence so coherently.

 

I know you read other people's threads, I'm sure you've seen some that are difficult to read, as those people are going thru a part of their recovery process where being able to write about what is happening is so difficult, what they write is nearly incomprehensible sometimes. Or at best, hard to understand.

 

You are GOING to get your life back, you are GOING to be able to feel things again, and all that it's going to take is a little bit of time, and the belief that it will happen.

 

in order to help the process along, it's very very helpful to give up saying and thinking negative things, and try to look for ANY small shred of good in your day, in the last hour, in your life at all.

I KNOW this is hard, I've been where you are (as have most of us) 

 

I am no one special, I don't have any special power, beyond the desire to heal and the belief that it will happen.

 

You have this same power. You can tap into it RIGHT now and change your life by changing how you look at it.

 

think of something you are grateful for. No, seriously! If it helps any, think of someone or many people who are MUCH worse off than you are right now,  like innocent children in a war torn country. 

think of how much we have that they don't.

 

I'm not discounting your suffering, but if ALL you focus on is your suffering, it will NOT go away. 

it will be all you see.

 

there are many good books that might help you, such as Hardwiring Happiness (I think it's called, I'll have to check, right now I"ve got to catch a bus but I'll be back later to answer your message)

 

please think about looking for something positive, something good and hopeful in your life TODAY

I can say with absolute certainty that it's there, you just haven't looked for it yet.

 

Zombiemode, I am sorry to have hijacked your thread somewhat. but maybe this will help you too

 

I have been on massive doses of anti psychotics as well as ADs, and I've recovered. You will too, and it seems esp with the anti psychotics, that it can happen fairly quickly. 

 

just hold on a little bit longer, you're almost there

 

 

find something to distract yourself. it helps to pass the time.