☼ Junglechicken

[Junglechicken]

Flowers,

 

THANK YOU 

 

It DOES show that I AM getting well.

 

Since I haven't started my taper yet, its difficult to know what to expect with that other than potential disruption to the CNS.  However, my plan is to do the Brassmonkey slide.

 

I'm sorry that you're in a wave again, will catch up on your thread today.

 

Love, JC xxx

[Junglechicken]

Gum /tooth pain has subsided thanks to Hubby's intervention with a special flossing tool!

 

We're going to see how it goes and maybe I'll book an emergency appointment with the dentist next week.  As its a private dentist, I want to avoid the cost if I can, so will keep on flossing and hope that knocks it on the head.

[Junglechicken]

As a separate "footnote", I am struggling to deal with a toxic MIL.

 

My therapist quite rightly tells me that she occupies too much negative space in my head, which isn't good for healing or my immune system etc.,

 

Its extremely difficult, as MIL sends out her toxic barbs regardless of the fact that I minimise contact with her as much as possible and encourage my hubby to do the same.  She is a narcissistic "a piece of work", with little regard for those around her and nothing we do is right or good enough.  Her cruelty and self-absorption know no bounds.

 

We're both sensitive people (hubby perhaps even more sensitive than me), and he has grown up with this woman, who frankly only cares about herself.

 

Uggh! 

 

One of these days, I'll be able to move on and not give the old b***h a second thought......... trouble is, her parents lived into their 90s and she is early 80s 

 

Also, the sooner we both have jobs the better, as we'll be busy all day and won't be able to give her any head space.......another incentive to get back to the workplace.

[Flowers]

10 hours ago, Junglechicken said:

As a separate "footnote", I am struggling to deal with a toxic MIL.

 

My therapist quite rightly tells me that she occupies too much negative space in my head, which isn't good for healing or my immune system etc.,

 

Its extremely difficult, as MIL sends out her toxic barbs regardless of the fact that I minimise contact with her as much as possible and encourage my hubby to do the same.  She is a narcissistic "a piece of work", with little regard for those around her and nothing we do is right or good enough.  Her cruelty and self-absorption know no bounds.

 

We're both sensitive people (hubby perhaps even more sensitive than me), and he has grown up with this woman, who frankly only cares about herself.

 

Uggh! 

 

One of these days, I'll be able to move on and not give the old b***h a second thought......... trouble is, her parents lived into their 90s and she is early 80s 

 

Also, the sooner we both have jobs the better, as we'll be busy all day and won't be able to give her any head space.......another incentive to get back to the workplace.

Just popped over to see how things were with you and saw your MIL post.

 

Gosh it sounds like you  and your husband have a lot to put up with! 

 

Don't let her drag your down though. You are doing so well.

 

Love from Flowers xxx

 

 

[Junglechicken]

Flowers,

 

I'm not so "happy go lucky", lol......this is me ranting about my MIL.

 

We keep a minimal contact policy now and limit the amount of time we spend around her.  She's just too toxic.

 

Not good for healing!

 

TC,

JC xxx

[Flowers]

Good! Seems like she would be bad for one's health!

 

xxxx Flowers

[Junglechicken]

28 minutes ago, Flowers said:

Good! Seems like she would be bad for one's health!

 

xxxx Flowers

 

Oh yes!  I particularly avoided her during my detox earlier this year......

[Flowers]

3 minutes ago, Junglechicken said:

 

Oh yes!  I particularly avoided her during my detox earlier this year......

Ha Ha! 

[Frogie]

JC:

 

Stay away from her. We want you happy.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Junglechicken]

10 hours ago, Frogie said:

JC:

 

Stay away from her. We want you happy.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

Thanks Frogie,

 

Don't worry, I will......I want me happy too, lol!

 

TC,

JC xxx

[Frogie]

2 hours ago, Junglechicken said:

 

Thanks Frogie,

 

Don't worry, I will......I want me happy too, lol!

 

TC,

JC xxx

??

[Junglechicken]

Horrendous first evening with my parents.

 

Had the full force of my mother's narcissicistic rage directed at me with plenty of barbed comments beforehand.

 

Really felt her hatred of me.

 

A definite "scapegoat" child I am 

 

Told them I would spend the rest of the weekend on my own.

[Flowers]

8 hours ago, Junglechicken said:

Horrendous first evening with my parents.

 

Had the full force of my mother's narcissicistic rage directed at me with plenty of barbed comments beforehand.

 

Really felt her hatred of me.

 

A definite "scapegoat" child I am 

 

Told them I would spend the rest of the weekend on my own.

Oh Dear - Do you think you will be able to get through it? Is your husband with you? 

 

Flowers xxx

[Junglechicken]

HI Flowers, yes we're both down here.

 

It doesn't help that she's an alcoholic ..........

 

Last night was just too much, so need to protect myself from her.

 

Took a LONG time to get to sleep.

 

JC xxx

[Flowers]

9 hours ago, Junglechicken said:

HI Flowers, yes we're both down here.

 

It doesn't help that she's an alcoholic ..........

 

Last night was just too much, so need to protect myself from her.

 

Took a LONG time to get to sleep.

 

JC xxx

Look after yourself and don't let her get you down.  You have done so well recently - you need to preserve that.

 

Thinking of you.

 

Flowers xxx

[Junglechicken]

1 minute ago, Flowers said:

Look after yourself and don't let her get you down.  You have done so well recently - you need to preserve that.

 

Thinking of you.

 

Flowers xxx

 

Thank you Flowers,

 

I am doing better today, and enjoyed a lovely dinner on my own at a local pub (hubby is at my parents).  Tried to go for a long walk this afternoon, but there was torrential rain.  Am staying away from my mother.

 

My issue is that I'm taking a long time to accept my mother for who she is.

 

Thinking of you too!

 

Love, JC xxx

[Frogie]

JC:

 

Be yourself and don't let her poison you.

 

You are doing so well, and such a kind person.

 

Keep your chin up.  You can get through this!

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Junglechicken]

16 hours ago, Frogie said:

JC:

 

Be yourself and don't let her poison you.

 

You are doing so well, and such a kind person.

 

Keep your chin up.  You can get through this!

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

Thanks Frogie.

 

My chin is up......

 

Last night (in my absence), hubby stuck up for me big time.  My mother told him that she doesn't believe depression is a real illness - she said that "we all get depressed now and then".  She then went on to say that she thinks I'm being weak, and couldn't understand why I should have resisted the depression earlier rather than giving into it.

 

So there you have it.  A woman in her 70s thinks people with depression are weak.

 

TC,

JC xxx

[Frogie]

6 minutes ago, Junglechicken said:

 

Thanks Frogie.

 

My chin is up......

 

Last night (in my absence), hubby stuck up for me big time.  My mother told him that she doesn't believe depression is a real illness - she said that "we all get depressed now and then".  She then went on to say that she thinks I'm being weak, and couldn't understand why I should have resisted the depression earlier rather than giving into it.

 

So there you have it.  A woman in her 70s thinks people with depression are weak.

 

TC,

JC xxx

I'm glad your hubby stuck up for you. He cares for you a lot.

 

It's sad that people don't understand. If they only went through what we did.

 

Take care.

Frogie xx

[Junglechicken]

12 minutes ago, Frogie said:

I'm glad your hubby stuck up for you. He cares for you a lot.

 

It's sad that people don't understand. If they only went through what we did.

 

Take care.

Frogie xx

 

Frogie,

 

This is the irony of it all.....she IS depressed herself but doesn't realise it (depression was likely a taboo in those days) but instead self-medicates with booze and fags and is also an anorexic (4st underweight).

 

So she has a lot of mental health issues herself, but is unaware that that is what they are.  Also, she has experienced many stress related illnesses including cystitis.

 

The sad thing is, she won't find out for herself about depression and how/why it has affected me.  She is likely in denial that she is weak and depressed herself and doesn't want to "go there".

 

TC,

JC xxx

[Frogie]

Just now, Junglechicken said:

 

Frogie,

 

This is the irony of it all.....she IS depressed herself but doesn't realise it (depression was likely a taboo in those days) but instead self-medicates with booze and fags and is also an anorexic (4st underweight).

 

So she has a lot of mental health issues herself, but is unaware that that is what they are.  Also, she has experienced many stress related illnesses including cystitis.

 

The sad thing is, she won't find out for herself about depression and how/why it has affected me.  She is likely in denial that she is weak and depressed herself and doesn't want to "go there".

 

TC,

JC xxx

Like you said "back then", they weren't depressed.

 

I can remember one set of my grandparents drinking non stop. I'm sure my grandmother was severely depressed.

 

My fiancé and I just quit smoking 16 months ago after over 30 years. That could be some of my nausea too, even though it's been over a year, my body still is getting rid of 30 years worth of the awful stuff.we can't even be around anyone that smokes. It smells so bad, it makes us sick.

 

I wish they understood. But like you said they are in denial. It's easier to self medicate.

 

If the they only knew.

 

Take care.

Frogie xx

[Junglechicken]

Frogie,

 

Believe it or not, I think you've just hit on the root cause of your nausea after all these months of suffering.

 

Its nicotine WD rather than AD WD.....which makes a lot of sense considering how long you smoked.  When did it first dawn on you that that could be the root cause of your nausea?

 

I did a LOT of reading on the side effects of detoxing, and everyone's body reacts differently depending on what their "poison(s)" were.  You could experience any number of symptoms when you start to "clean up" your diet, and your body is able to rid itself of accumulated toxicity.

 

You are actually making huge progress in improving your health then.  It's also possible that your recent weight loss is connected to your body getting rid of "waste".

 

Anyway, going back to parental issues.....she isn't coping at all.  My parents were very vibrant who did a lot, and now my mother's world (my father etc.,) is falling apart around her.  In addition to that, I was always treated as inferior to her (hence the narcissistic reference).

 

TC,

JC xxx

 

 

 

 

[Flowers]

Yes Frogie - I had a friend who had nausea when they gave up smoking - took awhile to go away. Everything in the body has to adjust without the nicotine! Well done for sticking it out - you are so strong!

 

JC - Your husband is so lovely!

 

In later years my favourite Aunt and her husband became alcoholics. They had always enjoyed partying and drinking but never to that extent! My Aunty had depression all her life but when my Uncle became ill with dementia she just turned to alcohol and he did too! She used to bump into me in the village where we lived and say she was on her way to the 'off licence' to get her lunch! It was usually a bottle of whisky! They hardly ate much at all but did smoke! It was all so sad but the alcohol did affect her and she could be very aggressive sometimes. To be honest I don't think she knew what she was saying.  A few months after my Uncle died after having to go  into care she was found at home after suffering a massive stroke. She didn't survive and the house was littered with empty booze bottles. I was living over here by then so couldn't really help but it was so sad.

 

It isn't fair of your mother to be so cruel to you. She must be very unhappy. It is hurtful but try not to let it upset you too much. If she is looking for someone to lash out to or blame it isn't your fault what has happened to her.

 

You cannot fight depression! It is what it is and has affected so many strong people. You are not weak - on the contrary you have managed to get yourself back into a fairly good state of health.

 

Hope you manage to get through today and are able to leave asap!!!

 

Sending hugs.

 

Flowers xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Frogie]

27 minutes ago, Junglechicken said:

Frogie,

 

Believe it or not, I think you've just hit on the root cause of your nausea after all these months of suffering.

 

Its nicotine WD rather than AD WD.....which makes a lot of sense considering how long you smoked.  When did it first dawn on you that that could be the root cause of your nausea?

 

I did a LOT of reading on the side effects of detoxing, and everyone's body reacts differently depending on what their "poison(s)" were.  You could experience any number of symptoms when you start to "clean up" your diet, and your body is able to rid itself of accumulated toxicity.

 

You are actually making huge progress in improving your health then.  It's also possible that your recent weight loss is connected to your body getting rid of "waste".

 

Anyway, going back to parental issues.....she isn't coping at all.  My parents were very vibrant who did a lot, and now my mother's world (my father etc.,) is falling apart around her.  In addition to that, I was always treated as inferior to her (hence the narcissistic reference).

 

TC,

JC xxx

 

 

 

 

JC:

 

I never thought about being nauseaous because I quit smoking. But my nausea started about the same time we quit so it does make sense. Thanks! You are a great thinker.

 

I'm sure your moms world is falling apart in front of her and you are the easiest person to take it out on because she knows how vulnerable you are, especially since your hubby stood up for you.

 

I know when my father was alive (he passed away 4 years ago), but he knew exactly how to push my buttons and so did his wife. I would go home crying. And now before my father passed away, he and his wife has my youngest son completely turned against me. That I was a horrible mother, ect... Haven't spoken to him in eight years. And I didn't think I was a bad mom, I had 2 boys. I worked a full time job and 2 part time jobs to make sure we lived in a very nice apt, they had the best of everything I could afford. But my youngest doesn't remember the good only the bad everyone tells him.

 

Once again, thanks for thinking about the nicotine. I'm sure you are right. It's not my WD it's the toxins coming out of my body and 30+ years worth. My fiancé works outside, so he sweats it out and isn't on any meds except high blood pressure meds, so that has to be it! You're a great detective

 

Just stay away from your mom for now so she doesn't bring you down. Think of this at least you aren't sick enough that you can't go for walks and shopping. What I wouldn't give to go shopping.

 

We only have a very small grocery store, hardware store and gas station with a convenient store. Have to drive 16 miles to a very very very small expensive Walmart type store 2 dollar stores, and a grocery store that's a little bigger, but no deli or bakery.  live in a town of 600 people. 

 

But I think my fiancé sees how it's affecting me. He says hold on a couple more years, then our loans will be paid off. Then we can afford to move home. I think I can do that to know I'm going home.

 

Sorry to vent, I just kept going on and on.

 

Keep your chin up, at least your hubby has your back and loves you.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

P.S. We went shopping yesterday. No sweets, chips or anything like that. I got out the good old cookbooks of meals that are good for you and am going to make 5 meals this week out of the cookbook. If we like them, we are going to try more. So we are at least eating better than we were.

[Junglechicken]

Flowers,

 

You are so lovely   Thank you 

 

We actually left Somerset this morning as it was pissing it down with rain, and decided to head back here......I managed to get in 50 mins indoor rowing after we got back and now feel that post-exercise glow.....a POSITIVE feeling!

 

I think Frogie is making better progress than she realises, and her body is doing a clean up job as it is supposed to, which means everything's working fine.  She would really benefit from being supervised by a nutritionist from the point of view of the supplements that SHE needs and also, MAYBE even having her gut health assessed.

 

Yes, it's easy to play the victim in this situation (which you could say I was), as she really went for the jugular and frankly (as I heard the conversation she had with hubby from behind a door).  She bitched about me behind my back and tried to manipulate him into agreeing with her that I was "difficult" to deal with most particularly because of the depression.

 

However, I have to take into account that she is losing her husband ...... They will have been married 50 yrs in September.  I am finding it easier to bounce back from bad interactions with people now....maybe with the exception of my MIL who is even crueler.  

 

My hubby is a 1 in a Million that's for sure......I am very lucky, and appreciate everything he does for me.  If it wasn't for him, I would have probably been dead last year.

 

Sorry to hear about the demise of your favourite auntie and uncle Flowers......that's too sad . It goes to show we all have relatives who have mental issues of one sort or another.

 

Love and hugs,

JC xxx

[Junglechicken]

Still trying to come to terms with the fact my mother never liked me.

 

Guess I can discuss all this on Wednesday in therapy.

 

Hey ho.

[Frogie]

2 hours ago, Junglechicken said:

Still trying to come to terms with the fact my mother never liked me.

 

Guess I can discuss all this on Wednesday in therapy.

 

Hey ho.

Don't feel bad JC:

My dad never liked me. I was an only child. I had 2 boys and 1 granddaughter.

When he passed away, all of his wives children and grandchildren were mentioned in the obituary, but not me, my children or my granddaughter.

He passed away 4 years ago and still haven't cried.

 

I'm sure she loves you. Like you said, her life is crumbling in front of her and you are the closest to her to take it out on.

 

Keep your chin up.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

 

[Junglechicken]

Thanks Frogie,

 

I'm just trying to digest things.......have told my brother and his family to keep their distance (when they come over to visit in a couple of weeks) until my aunt (my mother's twin sister) arrives.

 

Sorry about your father  wow, did you see that coming?

 

Doing my best to keep my chin up.

 

TC,

JC xxx

[Frogie]

3 hours ago, Junglechicken said:

Thanks Frogie,

 

I'm just trying to digest things.......have told my brother and his family to keep their distance (when they come over to visit in a couple of weeks) until my aunt (my mother's twin sister) arrives.

 

Sorry about your father  wow, did you see that coming?

 

Doing my best to keep my chin up.

 

TC,

JC xxx

Hi JC:

 

I didn't see it coming per se, my father and I hadn't had a relationship for quite a while, but never thought all that would happen.

 

Hopefully your aunt, brother and other family will help you through this.

 

I'm sorry to hear about all of this. But hopefully it will work out.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Flowers]

JC

 

You are a lovely person and are very likeable! Your mum probably doesn't know what she feels about anything if she is an alcoholic. It changes the brain and emotions. 

 

Have you read the short poem by Philip Larkin? It's called This be the Verse and is very appropriate to your situation. A bit of swearing in it though!

 

My husband wasn't hugely loved by his mother - his sister was the favourite!  She is now deceased but we have had a lot to deal with over the years and this poem always makes him smile!

 

Flowers xxx

[Junglechicken]

1 hour ago, Flowers said:

JC

 

You are a lovely person and are very likeable! Your mum probably doesn't know what she feels about anything if she is an alcoholic. It changes the brain and emotions. 

 

Have you read the short poem by Philip Larkin? It's called This be the Verse and is very appropriate to your situation. A bit of swearing in it though!

 

My husband wasn't hugely loved by his mother - his sister was the favourite!  She is now deceased but we have had a lot to deal with over the years and this poem always makes him smile!

 

Flowers xxx

 

I appreciate that Flowers, thank you 

 

She has been drinking "hard" for about a decade now......since my father's Parkinsonism diagnosis and their last financial crisis really kicked in.  She is a time bomb ready to explode if there is a perception of any provocation.

 

She also has a death wish when my father dies, so is aiming to self-destruct and doesn't care about me or my brother.

 

ANYWAY, I'll be sure to check out that Phillip Larkin poem!

 

Love and hugs, JC xxx

[Junglechicken]

I know that poem Flowers!  Very apt 

 

Hubby read it to me a few weeks ago, lol!

[Flowers]

3 hours ago, Junglechicken said:

I know that poem Flowers!  Very apt 

 

Hubby read it to me a few weeks ago, lol!

Thought it was quite appropriate!

 

xxxxx

[Junglechicken]

This is REALLY bad.

 

My gums and teeth are too painful to eat on. 

 

Yesterday I booked a dental check-up.......God knows what I've done to my mouth.  Did a thorough flossing last night and they are even more painful.  They are painful when I'm not eating.....time to take the Ibuprofen me thinks   Oh yes, and I had a hygienist appointment maybe a month ago?

 

Hubby is at a major interview today and will be gone a few hours.....he really wants this job, and the progression and training within the company is good too.  I pray he gets this.

 

So, my therapy session revealed that my mother IS highly narcissistic and that I really haven't had the mother I wanted.  She cares more about social status, and appearances rather than having a financially secure old age.  She is also a very difficult person to deal with.  Possibly why hubby and I "get" each other, as out mother's are both very difficult, self-centred and want everything for themselves.

 

More to digest then..................................

 

[Junglechicken]

Moved my dentist appointment this afternoon

 

Very painful area upper left molar(s) and a large sensitive patch of soft tissue.............have no idea what's going on in there.  Never had anything like this before unless its to do with bruxism which I know can cause a lot of problems.

 

Wish me luck!

[Junglechicken]

Other update is, I'm going to be gradually switching over to the FODMAPs diet.

 

FODMAPs are short chain carbohydrates that are poorly absorbed in the small intestine. They include short chain oligo-saccharide polymers of fructose (fructans) and galactooligosaccharides (GOS, stachyose, raffinose), disaccharides (lactose), monosaccharides (fructose), and sugar alcohols (polyols), such as sorbitol, mannitol, xylitol and maltitol.^[1][2][3]

 

The term FODMAP is an acronym, derived from "Fermentable, Oligo-, Di-, Mono-saccharides And Polyols".^[1] Although FODMAPs are naturally present in food and the human diet, FODMAP restriction has been found to improve symptom control in people with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and other functional gastrointestinal disorders (FGID).^{[4][5][6][7][8][9]} Prior to the formation of the FODMAP concept, diet was seldom used as first line therapy for management of IBS and other FGID.

 

Lets hope this works.