Christian Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 My apologies you had a window not necessarily a good day. I'll take a window! Can I have your next one ? Lexapro: started in 2002 at 10 mgs. Ambien: started as a as needed sleep aid in 2010. Quit Lexapro cold turkey in June 20015 due to contributing to low sodium issues. Restarted Lexapro in late November for a week (only 5 mgs) but quit due to dizziness side effects. Side effects worsened for 3 weeks until 12/24/15: Protracted WD hit, experienced extreme anxiety, insomnia lack of full concentration and social challenges. Reinstated Lexapro on 1/1/16 at 5 mgs. Increased per Dr to 7.5 MG. Tapered off Lexapro in March 2016. Started 50MG of Seroquel in late January 2016 for bedtime to help in eliminate Ambien. Tapered off both Seroquel and Ambien in March 2016. 2/14/16: Prescribed both Remeron (15 MG) and Temazapam (15 MG) for sleep. Also use Klonopin and Ambien again in place of Temazapam to avoid addiction. However I did take Temazapam 60 straight days 6/15/16: Stopped use of all benzo's and now use Belsomra 1-2 times a week. Still on 15 MG of Remeron 10/11/16: Off all psych medications After kindling, trying to regain my strength suffering from severe mental and physical fatigue. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus KarenB Posted January 25, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 25, 2016 Hey Rachel, If you look at your initial post in this run you said your bad days got less bad and your good days got less good. So there was a general move to the middle ground NOT to the bad days. Your CNS is trying to figure how to stabilise bit by bit, and so it's trying different things. It will get there. You could think of it as having training wobbles - you know when you take training-wheels off a kid's bike and they wobble around for a bit? Then they eventually get it? You need a big red felt-tip and a huge bit of paper. Write I will stabilise in capital letters and stick it on your wall. Because even if you did nothing to help it along, it would still eventually stabilise. You've got this Rachel. Remember back to the last time you felt positive and strong. Remember that feeling, and imagine it. Build it up again - because that is still you, under all this panic. Karen x 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg. 2011 Escitalopram 20mg. 2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS. Effexor 150mg. 2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants. Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms). 8 month hold. 2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent). 2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well. Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea. 2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops. 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.' Dr Gabor Mate. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus SquirrellyGirl Posted January 25, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 25, 2016 HI Rachel, You are definitely experiencing neuro emotions which take a hold of us and makes us forget everything today back, it seems! I think it might help you t read your thread to see that just a few days ago you were excited about a window! You are in a fragile place. Do you have someone close to you, a husband, partner, room mate? When I am having a wave, I'll tell my husband "I'm feeling a bit wavey" and then he crack a joke, tell me he's sorry I'm feeling "wavey" and give me a hug, and remind me that it won't last. In general I feel like I become more energized and motivated in the afternoons. As you journal, you'll begin to identify patterns which will help you recognize what's going on and know that it is transient. Sometimes putting my Pandora Beck station on will help bring me up. Definitely listen to some upbeat music, favorites from a time that you remember fondly. And don't forget to notice those thoughts, notice when they are running away with you and tell yourself "Hey, I don't think so! We aren't doing this now!" You're in the wobbles for sure, but they'll settle to calm - you just have to do some self-care to get through. SG Started ADs back around 1995 after bad break-up, starting with Prozac. Switched to Wellbutrin, and then to Effexor in 2002 Effexor XR 2002-2014 up to 225 mg at one point, down to 37.5 mg towards end but back up to 75 mg in 2014; now realize I had W/D as I dropped down, memory very poor about history. Extreme emotions, poor concentration as I stepped back down, didn't connect the dots! Summer 2014 reduced to 0 very quickly, was sick of anhedonia/sexual dysfunction due to meds, depression never controlled if not worse. Didn't recognize WD since symptoms built slowly (thought I had ADD! and menopausal on top of it), starting with severe sweats, very bad cog-fog and memory issues, culminating in weight loss, severe anxiety and depression, panic, severe apathy and insomnia by eight months off. Saw p-doc who put me on Remeron, increased from 7.5 mg/day to 37.5 mg by May 22, 2015; still doing very badly though able to sleep. June 1. 2015 Reinstated Effexor XR 37.5 mg, Remeron dropped to 30 mg PM. Immediate relief of symptoms, like nothing had ever happened! Joined SA and began on advice of friend who recognized it was WD all along! Began tapering in July 2015. Been tapering both meds ever since, focusing on one more than the other or doing no more than 5% of each per month. 12 mg Effexor and 5.8 mg Remeron (mirtazapine SolTabs to make a solution with OraPlus) as of 5/4/2017 Update 3/14/18: 2.9 mg Remeron and 6 mg Effexor; 6/10/18: 2.6 mg Remeron and 4.9 mg Effexor My intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9313-squirrellygirl-effexor-withdrawal-etc/page-2#entry196679 This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted January 25, 2016 Author Share Posted January 25, 2016 Thank you everyone for the encouragement. I'm sorry you haven't had a window yet Christian. You will shortly. Karen and SG I negativfied myself by taking my two bad days in a row and because they were milder in intensity I then assumed this was to be my new state of being forever more and all the encouragement you gave me before and all the signs around my apartment and positive quotes in my notebook were not able to put my fears away. Just when I thought I would run screaming down the street a window opened at 8 pm and I fell safely in. I have made the new sign Karen and have made a little video reading your posts to myself and telling myself that there is a new and longer window coming, all in an attempt to be better able to cope next time. I can't thank you enough. I can't believe virtual strangers can be so caring. I love you guys and I don't even know you. I am afraid to go to bed to sleep through my window but of course I am exhausted. I don't know how to thank you. And I am starting to believe you Karen, that I will stabilise and I think this will seem more bearable now I have had bad days that are less intense because that must mean it is levelling. Thanks so much for saying the right thing. ((((((((hugs)))))))))) I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted January 25, 2016 Author Share Posted January 25, 2016 And thank you Hibari, Rachelina and Ali too.(((((())))))) I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus KarenB Posted January 25, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 25, 2016 You're welcome Rachel . I was given this same level of care when I arrived here and it has made all the difference to me. 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg. 2011 Escitalopram 20mg. 2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS. Effexor 150mg. 2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants. Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms). 8 month hold. 2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent). 2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well. Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea. 2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops. 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.' Dr Gabor Mate. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus SquirrellyGirl Posted January 25, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 25, 2016 That is wonderful news, Rachel! I'm so glad you got this break! I'm just sorry that you had to go through that. During these good times, just keep working on getting the coping mechanisms in place so that when you need the most they will hopefully start to make a difference :-) SG Started ADs back around 1995 after bad break-up, starting with Prozac. Switched to Wellbutrin, and then to Effexor in 2002 Effexor XR 2002-2014 up to 225 mg at one point, down to 37.5 mg towards end but back up to 75 mg in 2014; now realize I had W/D as I dropped down, memory very poor about history. Extreme emotions, poor concentration as I stepped back down, didn't connect the dots! Summer 2014 reduced to 0 very quickly, was sick of anhedonia/sexual dysfunction due to meds, depression never controlled if not worse. Didn't recognize WD since symptoms built slowly (thought I had ADD! and menopausal on top of it), starting with severe sweats, very bad cog-fog and memory issues, culminating in weight loss, severe anxiety and depression, panic, severe apathy and insomnia by eight months off. Saw p-doc who put me on Remeron, increased from 7.5 mg/day to 37.5 mg by May 22, 2015; still doing very badly though able to sleep. June 1. 2015 Reinstated Effexor XR 37.5 mg, Remeron dropped to 30 mg PM. Immediate relief of symptoms, like nothing had ever happened! Joined SA and began on advice of friend who recognized it was WD all along! Began tapering in July 2015. Been tapering both meds ever since, focusing on one more than the other or doing no more than 5% of each per month. 12 mg Effexor and 5.8 mg Remeron (mirtazapine SolTabs to make a solution with OraPlus) as of 5/4/2017 Update 3/14/18: 2.9 mg Remeron and 6 mg Effexor; 6/10/18: 2.6 mg Remeron and 4.9 mg Effexor My intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9313-squirrellygirl-effexor-withdrawal-etc/page-2#entry196679 This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 So after having these improvements, yesterday I was in a window all day even from rising which is a first except for a few anxiety spots and feeling pretty happy that my symptoms are now in a pattern and getting less and then I noticed I didn't take my estrogen tablet in the morning. I decided not to take it until this morning. I went to bed and was awakened at 1:45 with sweat all over me. I took my pill but only tossed and turned all night. In the morning I had old symptoms like chills and gagging and electricity, just like an episode last week. Only the last one was stronger. So I have not been able to function much all day and am lying on the couch reading here (which I was not doing as much). I realise I am in a wave for whatever reason and hoping it will lift tomorrow if I sleep well tonight and I can go back to improving. I had the yucky suicide thought too and I was angry about that for going there but I know those are withdrawal thoughts. There was a lovely woman who started at my workplace the same day as me who killed herself and I just do not want to end up like her. I want to live and get better. I have read over my thread and my positive notes from you guys and it has pulled me through. It's now 8:30 and I'm still not great but I accept this is just a window. I cried three times today, big howling ugly cries because my life is so different now and I'm off work and not enjoying much. Although in my happy day yesterday my mom and I shopped for a coat and it's beautiful. I enjoyed doing that so much. But I had anxiety later in the day and that is usually what happens when I forget my estrogen pill so I need to be very careful of that. I needed to vent today. Thank you so much ???? I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 Have a question...was looking at my calendar. I have been on 30 mg for just over six weeks and was at 15 mg for a week before that. Two weeks ago I was off mirtazapine for five days and on cipralex for the same five days and then on mirt for five days and on Wellbutrin for five days and now off everything except mirtazapine for two weeks (that's six and a half weeks altogether not including the five days on other things). So, have I been at 30 mg for six and a half weeks? Or do I start over and count myself at two weeks after the other drugs were removed. I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus KarenB Posted January 28, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted January 28, 2016 You really are getting a handle on all this Rachel. Getting yourself through this wave, telling yourself why you are having the difficult emotions - it's all really strong stuff. You're going to be okay - was it Petunia today who wrote that being able to calmly make decisions etc is a really good predictor of success. I'll leave your maths question to someone else - all those numbers/options do my head in . 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg. 2011 Escitalopram 20mg. 2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS. Effexor 150mg. 2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants. Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms). 8 month hold. 2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent). 2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well. Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea. 2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops. 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.' Dr Gabor Mate. Link to comment
Moderator brassmonkey Posted January 28, 2016 Moderator Share Posted January 28, 2016 The clock restarts every time there is a "dose change event" (I made that term up a few weeks ago and rather like it), because that's the way the brain sees it. So the result of all those changes would be, you've been polydrugged for 7 weeks and on mirtazapine alone for two. Because of the "noise" all the other changes would have added you need to start from the last change when figuring out how long to wait before making the next reduction. The "noise" needs to be taken into account because it will increase the time needed to stabilize. 20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013. Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks. The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better. Final Dose 0.016mg. Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017 "It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general." Stephen Hawking Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted January 29, 2016 Author Share Posted January 29, 2016 Thanks Karen; we were right about moving to a middle ground, except for my very rough wave yesterday, and haven't had one for a week like that, my other days are having less symptoms which are in a pattern but less substance every day. I am better able to tolerate the symptoms the way they are now, they are much less aggravating. I was telling my nurse practitioner today about my psychiatrist saying the only thing left for me was electroshock therapy and she said we will get rid of him soon enough lol. I told her about the website and she was very happy it is so positive. I love the analogy of the broken leg and hurt brain. It takes 6-8 weeks just for the bone to join together and several months after that to finish healing it. And that the dark thoughts are not mine and are not what I wish for myself, just my brain is hurt. I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted January 29, 2016 Author Share Posted January 29, 2016 Thanks Brass I agree with you, I am starting fresh, mind you a lot of healing happened those first weeks before my crazy polydrugging misadventure, but I am only tracking for the past two weeks of just 30 mg of mirt. I will not be tapering for a long long time until I am much better; months and months from now. But I am looking forward to being drug free and just me again, even with the estrogen at some point. I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Share Posted February 3, 2016 I just want to give a little cautious update. I have not had a bad day for a week. I am still foggy here and there but except for those few hours my head is clear. I still don't feel well, especially in the morning, and have some negative thoughts and anxiety and feel very weak and tired but my symptoms are lessening. The prickles and stings are barely noticeable now. I still feel like I have been pulled through a sick cow backwards but my cognitive abilities are growing a bit. I am able to do more things and a little less ruminating. I can't thank you guys enough for keeping the faith for me when I had none of my own. I just don't know how to express my gratitude Karen, Ali, Rachelina, SJ and everyone else. For the first time I believe I will get better from this and for the first time I want to live. I'm still pretty frightened. ???????????? I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
AliG Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 Rachel. You are doing so well . I'm so happy for you . you will come out of this, a more compassionate and enlightened person. After this , everything else will seem so easy , in comparison. You are probably having a window , which is great , however you might still have some rocky times ahead of you . This is to be expected, and when and if it happens, you will still have support here. You will get better, over time and in increments. If you go through hard times, you can look back on this window , as a sign of healing. I hope it keeps up for you . Hugs, Ali. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Share Posted February 3, 2016 I don't think I was clear in my post. I have no intention of going anywhere from here until I am healed and my taper is complete and then a couple of years after that; maybe six years or so. And I'm not in Windows; I am still having the same awful symptoms every day, they are just getting a little more bearable. I am having Windows in the evenings from about 6 pm on where I fell very tired but almost human. A 'bad' day for me is the awful overwhelming feeling of being in a black hole. It is that feeling that I have not had for a week; I still feel very sad but just not the intensity and not for as many hours; now it is about 1 pm for a half hour, 5-6 pm for another instead of a whole day. For the past couple of weeks those 'bad' day feelings have been for a few hours in the morning and a few in the afternoon. My Windows before were a whole day where I had no symptoms and felt very very clear. I don't have this either. I think what is happening is that I am starting to stabilise. The symptoms are slowly lessening but mostly the same every day with Windows 'feeling human', in the evening. Is that not stabilising? I already appreciate every joy of my life, when I recover from this it will only be sweeter. I know it is quite possible I will trigger some bad days but when I think of what a bad day used to be like (suicide ideation all day long, weeping all day, the heavy physical lump of sorrow in my throat all day), I haven't had that lump for 2 weeks. I will never be far from here and I just wanted to express how much I appreciate everyone's help so far, I'm sure not going anywhere lol! I will appreciate it in the future too! ???? I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Share Posted February 3, 2016 The fogginess used to last all day, the past couple of weeks I have had Windows away from it in the evenings about 7-8 on, now the fog is only a couple of hours in the morning, sometimes an hour in the afternoon, some days only for a few minutes here and there. I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Share Posted February 3, 2016 I still feel nauseous and sad and overwhelmed most mornings but lesser. I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Share Posted February 3, 2016 And a bit wobbly and shaky and my fingers are tingling at the end of them which is new the past few days. And I haven't had the electric feelings for a week either. I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Share Posted February 3, 2016 Now the electrical feelings are more like a slight headache with water sloshing around in my brain. Still not nice but not scaring the heck out of me. I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Share Posted February 3, 2016 As for increased cognitive abilities I only mean I can watch a couple of hours of tv instead of none; everything else is still a chore to push through. But the lessening of symptoms has made me feel hopeful and more able to manage. I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
AliG Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 Rachel. It does sound like you're stabilizing, a little. Maybe , it's not a window , for you . All the same , it's positive. Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014 Psych Drug - free since May 2014 . Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Share Posted February 3, 2016 Thanks Ali I read on here that the sometimes a little better is the difference between despair and moving forward. I think it was someone named Ardwen who said this. I suspect it will be several more months to feel a lot better. Thanks Ali for your encouragement! I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus SquirrellyGirl Posted February 3, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 3, 2016 I already appreciate every joy of my life, when I recover from this it will only be sweeter. I know it is quite possible I will trigger some bad days but when I think of what a bad day used to be like (suicide ideation all day long, weeping all day, the heavy physical lump of sorrow in my throat all day), I haven't had that lump for 2 weeks. I will never be far from here and I just wanted to express how much I appreciate everyone's help so far, I'm sure not going anywhere lol! I will appreciate it in the future too! Rachel, you are an inspiration to me! I think I'm in a sort of wave because I have been very tearful lately, and reading this brought me to that place again. But it is a good tearfulness - it is wonderful to be able to FEAL!! I feel very happy and grateful that you are moving in the right direction <3 SG Started ADs back around 1995 after bad break-up, starting with Prozac. Switched to Wellbutrin, and then to Effexor in 2002 Effexor XR 2002-2014 up to 225 mg at one point, down to 37.5 mg towards end but back up to 75 mg in 2014; now realize I had W/D as I dropped down, memory very poor about history. Extreme emotions, poor concentration as I stepped back down, didn't connect the dots! Summer 2014 reduced to 0 very quickly, was sick of anhedonia/sexual dysfunction due to meds, depression never controlled if not worse. Didn't recognize WD since symptoms built slowly (thought I had ADD! and menopausal on top of it), starting with severe sweats, very bad cog-fog and memory issues, culminating in weight loss, severe anxiety and depression, panic, severe apathy and insomnia by eight months off. Saw p-doc who put me on Remeron, increased from 7.5 mg/day to 37.5 mg by May 22, 2015; still doing very badly though able to sleep. June 1. 2015 Reinstated Effexor XR 37.5 mg, Remeron dropped to 30 mg PM. Immediate relief of symptoms, like nothing had ever happened! Joined SA and began on advice of friend who recognized it was WD all along! Began tapering in July 2015. Been tapering both meds ever since, focusing on one more than the other or doing no more than 5% of each per month. 12 mg Effexor and 5.8 mg Remeron (mirtazapine SolTabs to make a solution with OraPlus) as of 5/4/2017 Update 3/14/18: 2.9 mg Remeron and 6 mg Effexor; 6/10/18: 2.6 mg Remeron and 4.9 mg Effexor My intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9313-squirrellygirl-effexor-withdrawal-etc/page-2#entry196679 This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Share Posted February 3, 2016 SG you are the inspiration! Please don't ever forget that! The encouragements you have given people I'm sure have made the difference between life and death! I remember when I tapered off benzos, the lower I got the more I became like me; with the highs and lows of being human...it was so different but so wonderful! You know, I used to have a phobia about going on airplanes; I sat there with horrible anxiety waiting for the plane to drop out of the sky at any moment. After I recovered from a life threatening illness and a 2 1/2 year benzo taper I lost that phobia completely. Now when I'm taking off in an airplane I pretend I'm being flung up into the arms of God...lol I'm so silly! You're so awesome SG! I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Christian Posted February 3, 2016 Share Posted February 3, 2016 That's wonderful Rachel! Lexapro: started in 2002 at 10 mgs. Ambien: started as a as needed sleep aid in 2010. Quit Lexapro cold turkey in June 20015 due to contributing to low sodium issues. Restarted Lexapro in late November for a week (only 5 mgs) but quit due to dizziness side effects. Side effects worsened for 3 weeks until 12/24/15: Protracted WD hit, experienced extreme anxiety, insomnia lack of full concentration and social challenges. Reinstated Lexapro on 1/1/16 at 5 mgs. Increased per Dr to 7.5 MG. Tapered off Lexapro in March 2016. Started 50MG of Seroquel in late January 2016 for bedtime to help in eliminate Ambien. Tapered off both Seroquel and Ambien in March 2016. 2/14/16: Prescribed both Remeron (15 MG) and Temazapam (15 MG) for sleep. Also use Klonopin and Ambien again in place of Temazapam to avoid addiction. However I did take Temazapam 60 straight days 6/15/16: Stopped use of all benzo's and now use Belsomra 1-2 times a week. Still on 15 MG of Remeron 10/11/16: Off all psych medications After kindling, trying to regain my strength suffering from severe mental and physical fatigue. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 3, 2016 Author Share Posted February 3, 2016 Thanks Christian! I know there's still a long way to go but having the feeling that things are finally a little more bearable and manageable is good. I hope you are feeling a little better too. I read your thread yesterday and i saw that you said things are starting to ease a little bit. I have a feeling we will both get there and be okay! I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus KarenB Posted February 4, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 4, 2016 I'm really happy for you Rachel - you are managing this whole ordeal. It's so good to see the strength and hope building up in you. Karen x 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg. 2011 Escitalopram 20mg. 2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS. Effexor 150mg. 2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants. Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms). 8 month hold. 2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent). 2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well. Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea. 2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops. 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.' Dr Gabor Mate. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 Kare you have given me so much strength...You always know the right thing to say...???? I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 Oops I changed your name lol! I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 You're the best Karen!!!! I am so grateful for you for seeing me through the darkest part and showing me how to be gentle with myself. I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 Also, I just noticed my tinnitus has barely been perceptible the past few days, just a tiny zing once a day as opposed to three full operas a day in the past. I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Moderator Emeritus KarenB Posted February 4, 2016 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted February 4, 2016 You're very welcome. Hey - my tinnitus is right down to minimal these days too . 2010 Fluoxetine 20mg. 2011 Escitalopram 20mg. 2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS. Effexor 150mg. 2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants. Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms). 8 month hold. 2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent). 2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well. Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea. 2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops. 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.' Dr Gabor Mate. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 That's such good news Karen! I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 So I've noticed a couple of other small improvements. I used to get a good day and then a bad day or two bad days and a good evening. The past six days I have got two good days and one bad day and repeat. This is also a first! And as mentioned my bad days used to last the whole day and I was feeling crushed by sadness. Now I am feeling blue a couple of times and foggy until about six and then it starts to go away and I feel okay the rest of the day. I even manage to laugh on my 'foggy' days sometimes. The other change I've noticed is that my right eye has stopped twitching for a few days. I mean it looked darn creepy! I am slowly getting better, no doubt about it. It's almost 10 weeks now. My interests are coming back a wee bit too. And the past two days I haven't felt as sad upon waking up. Patience! I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
Rachel1963 Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 I'm saying patience to myself by the way! I was on Mirtazapine 30 mg for 2.5 years because of severe debilitating menopause related depression and physical symptoms. I tapered down to zero in 2.5 months. Five weeks off on November 10, I started having severe withdrawal symptoms. Took small reinstatement and continued updosing until 30 mg Nov. 30, 2015 as nothing seemed to be getting better and I was impatient. Made a desperate mistake and tried two other ssri's for eight days, bad side effects and stopped. Went back to 30 mg of Mirtazapine and nothing else as of January 14, 2016. Slowly started getting better. After two months symptoms became manageable and continue to slowly fade. I also take 1.25 mg Premarin/Climara patch for menopause symptoms and have to wean off that too. Link to comment
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