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Nadia

Nadia 5 Years Off - I Survived Antidepressants

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gigi63

Orange cat, thanks for addressing sunshine and rain. I am not off of bupropion yet and I often feel what you both have described. Things I normally love to fo, just not motivated to do. I do push myself to do walking and deep breathing and meditation. They are very helpful. I would add this, Wellbutrin / bupropion is very stimulating so I think that as sunshine and rain is off of this now and I am down to 18.75 mg, we definitely are noticing that we don't have that same push from the med. I too am very hopeful, all will come back with time and readjusting our Neuro status. Thanks.

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elbee

Just read this again, and thank you again for this post!

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ryella

This brought me out of the blackness today. Thank you so much for sharing your story of healing & recovery.

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Hopefull

Congratulations to you Nadia!

Reading your success stories is inspirational! Best wishes to you in your future endeavors! :)

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rapunzel2

thank you for sharing your success story!

 

If I may ask (if it's not too personal question) - what happened with your wish to have a baby? did you have one? I didn't have time to read through all of your threads...

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Nadia

Hi everyone! I popped by to look up some info and thought I'd say a quick hello! I'm in a bit of a rush, but wanted to let you guys know I'm doing better than ever (November will be 7 years off). I've seen a lot more advances even in the past year... like I thought I was "cured" before, but now I realize there was even more progress to make. I'll come back soon to share more details, but in the meantime, hang in there, everybody!!!! Your brain can heal from this! You can get your life back. Just get through every day, one foot after the other. You've got this!

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LexAnger

Wonderful!

Your are so kind to stop by and give hopes!!!!

 

Hugs,

Lex

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theloneranger86

Nadia

Glad to know you've come out of this. Since you suffered from Anhedonia, did you also get PSSD ? Also when did Anhedonia go away and what was the trajectory of recovery ? (overnight , slow and even, non linear)  . A little elaboration would help a lot of us 

thanks

 

I was on antidepressants for 16 years - mostly SSRIs and Wellbutrin. Today I am celebrating being off of them for 5 years. It was a very difficult road, but I am, for all intents and purposes, recovered. My life is normal now. What few symptoms I have are almost nonexistent, brief and passing, bearable. So many times through the dark tunnel to today I thought I was damned forever, but I made it out. My first answers came from this site, and I am thankful.

 

If you are in that horrible dark tunnel, hang on. Know that even if you don't see the light now, it will come. Keep walking.

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nicolantana

Great story and well done! Do speak about anhedonia a little please!

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gigi63

Hi Nadia. I have been following your story and progress since I have become a member in 2015. I am tapering Wellbutrin. I am on a long hold right now as I had too RI at 18.75mg after a too fast , 10 month taper and then a crash. I never made it to the zero mark at the time, it just all came down. However, your story has been such a beacon of light. Nadia, could you try to elaborate more about your timeline of improvement. I know we all have our own so maybe that isn't as helpful. Perhaps just giving us a good update on what healing you have experienced even over the past several years. I know you said at 5 you were there, but now, you are even better. How do? What helps make the difference? Is it mostly just time? I know all The healthy lifestyle choices are critical but could you please tell us how you see it, healing, since you have come so very far. Thank you. Looking forward to hearing from you.

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gigi63

Hi everyone! I popped by to look up some info and thought I'd say a quick hello! I'm in a bit of a rush, but wanted to let you guys know I'm doing better than ever (November will be 7 years off). I've seen a lot more advances even in the past year... like I thought I was "cured" before, but now I realize there was even more progress to make. I'll come back soon to share more details, but in the meantime, hang in there, everybody!!!! Your brain can heal from this! You can get your life back. Just get through every day, one foot after the other. You've got this!

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gigi63

Come back and share with us Nadia. ????

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Looking4peace

Nadia,

Reading your journey put into words, my journey.

I am struggling really bad right now. Just over a year off and the symptoms seem to be getting worse.

I plan on re-reading your entire journey, when I get home this evening. Is there one thing that you believed help you the most and getting through the bad thoughts & crying?

Any supplement suggestions?

Thank you so much for sharing.

The fear of 5 years dealing with all this is daunting.

Paul

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kara100

Hi Nadia, I read your story many times and it gives me hope that one day I will be fully recovered too. You can read my story on the partial recovery story.  You mentioned that you are doing better than ever now? Can you please come again on the forum and write more about your recovery?  Also, when did you start exercising? And what type of excercise you do? Please let me know about your sleeping pattern as insomnia with palpitations is my worst symptom. Thank you so much for spending time with us and writing periodically about your recovery. 

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Nadia

Hello everyone,

 

Once again I am terribly sorry I "posted and ran" last time as well. As you can imagine, after such an intense life experience, I have some trauma about revisiting (and am sometimes afraid talking about all of this too much will put me back there). I mean to come back more often than I do, and I definitely meant to come back to answer questions. But alas, several months have passed since I logged in.

 

theloneranger86: While I was on Zoloft, I had trouble orgasming (I could do it for the most part if my dose wasn't too high but it would take FOREVER). This improved after quitting. Almost immediately. I don't orgasm as easily as I did before I was ever on meds, but I'd say I'm in a normal range! And sometimes it's so fast I amaze myself. But I think I also had to "train" myself back from overstimulating. Like I got rid of my vibrator, haha... After that I allowed myself to become more sensitive. =) As for anhedonia... I think the worst of it was the first two years. Then it would come and go.

 

gigi63: I'm having trouble answering about the timeline. Overall I would say I went through an extreme crisis that lasted a few months. This was about 3 months after I quit cold turkey, and it was exacerbated by taking an antibiotic for ameobas that is known to cause nervous system issues (as it turned out, my diarrhea and dizziness was because of withdrawal, not amoebas!). That made me go from anxiety to extreme depersonalization and dread and inability to sleep. I'd have panic attacks if I even lay down. I felt completely unfettered from reality, like a bad nightmare or hallucination. I couldn't recognize my sense of self, nothing seemed enjoyable, not even sitting in the sun or feeling warmth. It was horrible. Then over the next year and a half I gradually got better, but it was not linear. I would have periods where I was slightly better, and then feel worse than ever for another bit. Some symptoms, like tinnitus, I developed later. Other symptoms, like the extreme dizziness, mostly went away after a year. After two years I was "functional", but still suffering. I didn't feel like I could declare success until the 5th year.

 

I'm nearing 7 years now, and I have realized I am still prone to having a bad spell if pushed too far, though nothing major. Just a small reminder of what was... for example, if I get really, really stressed, I'll have tinnitus for a day or two. Or I'll have trouble staying asleep past dawn (usually when this happens, I read a bit and then can go back to sleep for a few hours again - certainly not something I was able to do consistently before!). Nothing that affects me greatly or that impedes my functioning. I say I've improved even in the past year or so, though, because about year 5 I remember feeling very anxious when I was applying to a job,. Panic, "deer in the headlights" anxious. And this year I'm applying to a bunch of jobs and I'm fine!! I mean, I get nervous and stressed, but that crazy withdrawal anxiety is gone. I think the important thing is to remember, like you said, YES... we're all different, and your recovery may not look like mine! And recovery isn't linear. And there's probably always going to be a way in which we're a little more susceptible to stressors after this. What we lived is still part of our brain! The neural pathways that developed around the panic and stuff are still there. It reminds me of something I read about PTSD... that even people who recover from it don't "remove" the neural pathways that cause panic, they just build bridges around them. Some weeks ago I got the weird muscle tension I used to get for example, which may or may not be related to withdrawal. But I hadn't had it in years! Then, it just went away.

 

Another thing I've noticed in the past year... last December/January, I had my first real depression in ages, and I no longer have periods of feeling manic -- as if my whole system is going back down to a baseline more like I used to be before meds. I have to admit, the mania was kind of nice sometimes, but now I recognize it was also a part of recovery. After living through years of withdrawal, having little bursts of feeling on top of the world was amazing. It never got to point that it was a problem, but I notice now I'm on the whole way more level! I AM going through perimenopause, so around the time I ovulate and when I'm going to get my period I have stronger PMS than I used to have, but even then I'm not bad in the way I was bad with withdrawal. I'm crabby and moody and sensitive. And DEFINITELY no anhedonia or depersonalization or anything like that. The depression I got happened I think in part because it was winter, and I got sick, and I wasn't able to exercise. The plus side is I slept WONDERFULLY... I could sleep 9 or 10 hours! Like old times! And then when I was able to start exercising it lifted. And that's how it used to be for me. I guess I'm closer to being the old me, if that even makes sense. I wonder if I'll see new changes in the years to come. I am way less cautious about what I consume now, like I can drink now and feel OK, and take kava tea, and eat more sugar... but I've realized that if I want to stay centered, exercise and nutrition are key.

 

Looking4peace: I re-read what I posted earlier in this thread about what helped me, and it is still spot on! I also really, really recommend the book The Happiness Trap. It helped me while I was in withdrawal, but I re-read it recently to help me through some difficult times at work, and it is remarkable how well that approach works for me. It has helped me make room for my more challenging emotions. I'm such a sensitive person, and I always tried to squash that down. It's what led to me going on antidepressants in the first place! Now I try to embrace myself in all my sensitivity. I make room for my emotions, but I don't let them define my actions. No matter what, as the book mentions, there is this part of ourselves that can always be OK... the observing self. Once you realize that, it gets a lot easier! You can read the book in small increments... I hope it works for you as well as it did for me! It helped me more than ANY other method of cognitive behavioral therapy and self help approaches. The key was not rejecting what I was feeling.

 

kara100:  I started by just walking and doing some very simple pilates. I would do what I could each day. Walking more than anything! Eventually, maybe after the first year, I was able to start jogging, too, and to do more advanced yoga. I tried Chi Kung as well. I can't remember the exact timeline, but the important part is to keep at it and to ramp up gradually. If I overdid it I would get flu-like symptoms. Exercise in the morning, not at night. Push yourself, but be mindful that some days are better than others. Don't panic if you get strange symptoms. Just take it a little easier and keep at it. You're not doing longterm harm from overdoing it, but in general you'll get better results if you keep it to under 45 mins a day at first. Now I can do anything! I alternate days of running for 45 minutes and going to a power yoga class the other days. Exercise makes me feel amazing, and keeps me sane.

 

Sooo... it's been a really long week and I'm exhausted so this is not my best writing... I hope I'm making sense. I'm wishing all of you a speedy recovery, and a lot of patience and fortitude in your journey. Sometimes I look back and wonder how I survived those years. I feel incredibly lucky to be where I am now! To be healed, to be able to lead a normal life, to be better than ever in my life in how I deal with my tendencies toward depression. So much of getting better had to do with believing in could happen and finding purpose (even if it didn't feel "real" at first) to survive. Help others. Keep walking. Keep breathing... if you're going through hell, keep going! You may not see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it's there. If it was there for me, it can be there for you, too. Believe in neuroplasticity and healing. It's real. You will get there. It will be a bumpy ride, BUT YOU WILL GET THERE.

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gigi63

Thank you Nadia. So good to hear you are free and living well!!!!

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rupa

Dear Nadia

Did you ever experience dreams(hallucinations)and Disturbed sleep in your seven years journey?

If yes ,when did they stop?

Are they still bothering your sleep?

Kindly reply.

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Nadia
On 11/2/2017 at 10:27 AM, rupa said:

Dear Nadia

Did you ever experience dreams(hallucinations)and Disturbed sleep in your seven years journey?

If yes ,when did they stop?

Are they still bothering your sleep?

Kindly reply.

 

Hi Rupa,

 

I definitely had disturbed sleep, and vivid... impressions, not quite hallucinations. Happened more with sound than anything, like suddenly hearing a sentence or a piece of music. But in almost every case I could tell it was not real, just things stuck in my head.

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delsol

I saw this thread when I did a search for "perimenopause." Perimenopause + withdrawal = AWFUL. I feel like I am in a netherworld. The meds changed my body, and now my body is changing so much on its own. The combination leaves me feeling so emotional and confused. I am trying to do some bodily-affirming things like going to women's circles and doing yoga, etc. 

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