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Barbarannamated: pain<-->depression...chicken<-->egg

Barbarannamated

By Barbarannamated
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Barbarannamated Newbie

Barbarannamated

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Thanks, karma and Rhi. Had a rough day... Saturdays and weekends always are. Tried to get in touch with the one friend in Texas a few times recently and felt distinctly like she is avoiding contact. She tells me to call anytime day or night. I never call during night, but talk during day a few times per week. I'm trying to not let paranoia take over, but can feel it creeping me. I have so few friends anymore and feel like they're all backing away.

 

I'm scared.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Karma

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Barb,

 

As far as your friend in Texas ... remember that you don't KNOW what is going on with her, where she might be or what challenges might be happening in her life.

 

Living here in Colorado we see wild fires, flash flooding, odd crimes ... that all keep people out of their homes and out of touch.  Then there are the less tragic things that happen to keep people from returning calls.  For me, I get busy preparing vegetables to juice the next morning, doing laundry, and checking in on SA.

 

You are telling yourself a story that she is avoiding you.  You don't know that is true.  What other reasons could there be for why she isn't answering your call?  She mis-placed her cell phone (happens to me).  Her cell phone is in her handbag and she can't hear it ringing (happens to me all the time).  The battery is low on her phone and until she can charge it she can't answer it.  A raccoon is loose in her home and she can't get back into her house to get to the phone (Ok, this one is a long-shot, but it made you laugh, right?)  She has a local friend who is in trouble and is focused on resolving that problem.  Or she has to go grocery shopping, prepare an Easter meal for family members and clean the house before the big Easter get together.

 

Thank yourself for sharing your paranoid fears and then change the channel.

 

You are loved, Barb.

 

Karma

hugging.gif

 

2007 @ 375 mg Effexor - 11/29/2011 - 43.75 mg Effexor (regular) & .625 mg Xanax

200 mg Gabapentin 2/27/21 - 194.5 mg, 5/28/21 - 183 mg, 8/2/21 - 170 mg, 11/28/21 - 150 mg, 4/19/22 - 122 mg; 8//7/22 - 100 mg; 12/17 - 75mg; 8/17 - 45 mg; 10/16 40 mg
Xanax taper: 3/11/12 - 0.9375 mg, 3/25/12 - 0.875 mg, 4/6/12 - 0.8125 mg, 4/18/12 - 0.75 ; 10/16 40mg;

1/16 0.6875 mg; at some point 0.625 mg
Effexor taper: 1/29/12 - 40.625 mg, 4/29/12 - 39.875 mg, 5/11/12 - Switched to liquid Effexor, 5/25/12 - 38 mg, 7/6/12 - 35 mg, 8/17/12 - 32 mg, 9/14/12 - 30 mg, 10/19/12 - 28 mg, 11/9/12 - 26 mg, 11/30/12 - 24 mg, 01/14/13 - 22 mg. 02/25/13 - 20.8 mg, 03/18/13 - 19.2 mg, 4/15/13 - 17.6 mg, 8/10/13 - 16.4 mg, 9/7/13 - 15.2 mg, 10/19/13 - 14 mg, 1/15/14 - 13.2 mg, 3/1/2014 - 12.6 mg, 5/4/14 - 12 mg, 8/1/14 - 11.4 mg, 8/29/14 - 10.8 mg; 10/14/14 - 10.2 mg; 12/15/14 - 10 mg, 1/11/15 - 9.5 mg, 2/8/15 - 9 mg, 3/21/15 - 8.5 mg, 5/1/15 - 8 mg, 6/9/15 - 7.5 mg, 7/8/15 - 7 mg, 8/22/15 - 6.5 mg, 10/4/15 - 6 mg; 1/1/16 - 5.6 mg; 2/6/16 - 5.2 mg; 4/9 - 4.8 mg; 7/7 4.5 mg; 10/7 4.25 mg; 11/4 4.0 mg; 11/25 3.8 mg; 4/24 3.6 mg; 5/27 3.4 mg; 7/8 3.2 mg ... 10/18 2.8 mg; 1/18 2.6 mg; 4/7 2.4 mg; 5/26 2.15mg; 8/18 1.85 mg; 10/7 1.7 mg; 12/1 1.45 mg; 3/2 1.2 mg; 5/4 0.90 mg; 6/1 0.80 mg; 6/22 0.65 mg; 08/03 0.50 mg, 08/10 0.45 mg, 10/05 0.325 mg, 11/23 0.2 mg, 12/14 0.15 mg, 12/21 0.125 mg, 02/28 0.03125 mg, 2/15 0.015625 mg, 2/29/20 0.00 mg - OFF Effexor

I am not a medical professional - this is not medical advice. My suggestions are based on personal experience, reading, observation and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers

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Barbarannamated Newbie

Barbarannamated

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This is the friend whose life is very similar to mine except she has no spouse. No local friends or own family, no job, stays home even more than I do, isn't having Easter dinner, etc. That's why we do relate and talk a few times per week.

 

I DO appreciate your point to not make paranoid assumptions, though. They creep in very easily with so few contacts and so much free time. For me, anyway.

 

Thank you, Karma. I do not mean for this post to come across as sharp. I think it's difficult to imagine what it's like to have a full life of professional and social contacts and then have only 2 or 3. I don't know how others handle solitude as well as they do.

 

Hugs.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Karma

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The tone of your response is not sharp, it is fine :).  I was just trying to illustrate that you don't know what might be keeping your friend from responding to you.  (I thought the raccoon in the house might make you laugh ;)).

 

This is something that I struggle with ... I assume a story about why the other person did what they did and I get all worked up about it.  9 times out of 10 my story is wrong and I was completely off base.  Then I realize I wasted all the time worrying about it.  I was just trying to give you the possibility of a different picture.

 

I can't imagine how difficult it is to be in your space.  If I didn't have the opportunities to connect that I do through my work, I can't imagine where I would be.  Some people do fine with solitude ... I need human energy ... at least that much I can relate to.

 

Here is a couple of Karma hugs because I care and I can't give you a real hug with the warm and energy you deserve.

hugging.gif hugging.gif

 

 

2007 @ 375 mg Effexor - 11/29/2011 - 43.75 mg Effexor (regular) & .625 mg Xanax

200 mg Gabapentin 2/27/21 - 194.5 mg, 5/28/21 - 183 mg, 8/2/21 - 170 mg, 11/28/21 - 150 mg, 4/19/22 - 122 mg; 8//7/22 - 100 mg; 12/17 - 75mg; 8/17 - 45 mg; 10/16 40 mg
Xanax taper: 3/11/12 - 0.9375 mg, 3/25/12 - 0.875 mg, 4/6/12 - 0.8125 mg, 4/18/12 - 0.75 ; 10/16 40mg;

1/16 0.6875 mg; at some point 0.625 mg
Effexor taper: 1/29/12 - 40.625 mg, 4/29/12 - 39.875 mg, 5/11/12 - Switched to liquid Effexor, 5/25/12 - 38 mg, 7/6/12 - 35 mg, 8/17/12 - 32 mg, 9/14/12 - 30 mg, 10/19/12 - 28 mg, 11/9/12 - 26 mg, 11/30/12 - 24 mg, 01/14/13 - 22 mg. 02/25/13 - 20.8 mg, 03/18/13 - 19.2 mg, 4/15/13 - 17.6 mg, 8/10/13 - 16.4 mg, 9/7/13 - 15.2 mg, 10/19/13 - 14 mg, 1/15/14 - 13.2 mg, 3/1/2014 - 12.6 mg, 5/4/14 - 12 mg, 8/1/14 - 11.4 mg, 8/29/14 - 10.8 mg; 10/14/14 - 10.2 mg; 12/15/14 - 10 mg, 1/11/15 - 9.5 mg, 2/8/15 - 9 mg, 3/21/15 - 8.5 mg, 5/1/15 - 8 mg, 6/9/15 - 7.5 mg, 7/8/15 - 7 mg, 8/22/15 - 6.5 mg, 10/4/15 - 6 mg; 1/1/16 - 5.6 mg; 2/6/16 - 5.2 mg; 4/9 - 4.8 mg; 7/7 4.5 mg; 10/7 4.25 mg; 11/4 4.0 mg; 11/25 3.8 mg; 4/24 3.6 mg; 5/27 3.4 mg; 7/8 3.2 mg ... 10/18 2.8 mg; 1/18 2.6 mg; 4/7 2.4 mg; 5/26 2.15mg; 8/18 1.85 mg; 10/7 1.7 mg; 12/1 1.45 mg; 3/2 1.2 mg; 5/4 0.90 mg; 6/1 0.80 mg; 6/22 0.65 mg; 08/03 0.50 mg, 08/10 0.45 mg, 10/05 0.325 mg, 11/23 0.2 mg, 12/14 0.15 mg, 12/21 0.125 mg, 02/28 0.03125 mg, 2/15 0.015625 mg, 2/29/20 0.00 mg - OFF Effexor

I am not a medical professional - this is not medical advice. My suggestions are based on personal experience, reading, observation and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers

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  • 2 weeks later...
Barbarannamated Newbie

Barbarannamated

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Having a terrible wave of anxiety and panic since returning from PA and having brief window. Husband had gotten increasingly intolerant and downright mean to me. I feel as if I'm being verbally whipped by his tone of voice constantly. I can't continue to live in this stress but am afraid to be away from him, too, as he is my only "family" aside from sister.

 

I never heard back from VA volunteer department and have been too stressed to pursue it further.

 

I did part with one of my horses last Saturday. A trainer friend took him and it was very difficult. His buddy faced the street the trailer left by and cried for him all night and the next day. Heartbreaking.

 

I feel trapped in this stress and isolation. I am breaking down more than ever. It seems that everything I try (supplements) is acting paradoxically. I don't know if it's my imagination or not, but I'm afraid to try anything.

 

Any veterans who have advice, please chime in. I did this all wrong and I'm trapped in protracted w/d and isolated with this stress-filled life. I consider moving to Texas, but honestly dont know if I'm capable of taking care of myself. I might get better out from under this stress or I might feel this odd need to run back to husband like I did in PA. I feel so screwed up.

 

I got together briefly with an old horse friend today, but had to bail due to severe anxiety.

 

I apologize that this is far beyond the scope of this forum; it began because of drugs and worsened dramatically during protracted withdrawal.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Newbie

cymbaltawithdrawal5600

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The only veteran I am is one who is trapped in the same kind of situation but I have had no windows of feeling better at all. I have no advice to offer that you haven't heard before, such as getting out more and moving around.

 

I just want you to know that your post broke my heart. Parting with an animal is never comfortable. All I can offer are wimpy words of consolation, words on a computer screen. Little comfort, I know. But they are heart-fully meant nonetheless.

 

I wish things were better for you. None of us deserves this, least of all you. You did nothing wrong.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Barbarannamated Newbie

Barbarannamated

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Thanks for your reply, CW.

 

I cringe when I look back at what I've written over and over on this forum. :(

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Newbie

cymbaltawithdrawal5600

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Barb,

 

I cringe too, especially what I wrote when I first got here. But you've said some very good things when you were feeling better. I think we all do it, especially when we are despairing of things ever changing. It is so hard when other people are involved.

 

The future isn't here yet...

 

I have people around me who are so sure that I will recover, but I don't believe it because I am living in it day after day. Maybe you feel that way too. I have made so many mistakes in my life and all of my memories are colored with shame and regret. I don't know how one gets past their 'past'. There have been other times in my life when I felt bad and I did something. I changed jobs many times, moved, whatever. But I brought the same person with me. Now I have nowhere to go, and because I don't have the drugs to numb me out I am stuck with me. I hope you don't feel like that too, it's a daily misery.

 

I wish I had the answers. The future and my possible recovery seems so far away. Maybe yours is right around the corner. I am sorry I am so little comfort except to say I wish there was something I could do.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Barbarannamated Newbie

Barbarannamated

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CW,

 

I feel I sometimes document things with the sense of "in case someone wants to read about a marriage on drugs". My husband has been medicated almost as much as I have, minus the pain treatments. He tapered Effexor over 6-8 weeks about 2 years ago after ~15 years on SS/NRIs. I don't know what current behavior is due to that. Still on an AD, ADHD drug, 2 sleepers. Hard to tell who either of us is underneath it all.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • 2 weeks later...
mattinsmom Newbie

mattinsmom

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Barb, I only wish I had something to offer that would lift you high into the sky so that you could see how strong you are, how many people you've helped (myself included), and to find that silver lining. It is out there. I hear you say you don't see it or feel it. I am sorry that your husband continues to be a poop. I wish, I wish I could help you to feel better. Please know that you are in my prayers. 

Current:

Lorazapam: 2mg: 4/9/15: 2mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/14: 50mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

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  • 7 months later...
mattinsmom Newbie

mattinsmom

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Merry Christmas. 

Current:

Lorazapam: 2mg: 4/9/15: 2mg - 1.5mg: already sick/nothing noticed. No changes in sleep noted after illness.  

Lamictal: 7/27/13 - 8/6/13: 400mg - 500mg(dr order) mouth sores, headache, cognitive/balance, heart palp...8/7/13 - 8/23/13: 500mg - 400mg; symptoms↓...10/10/13: 350mg; fever/flu-like <2-weeks...12/30/13: 325mg; fever/flu-like symptoms <1-week...2/10/17: 300mg; no significant changes noted. 

 

Discontinued:

Omeprazole: 09/2103 40mg...5/1/14: 20mg... 8/21/14 = 0

Wellbutrin: 11/22/13: 300mg – 225mg...12/6/13 delayed reaction- mood swings, weight↓, heart palp/chest pain, alerting...12/14/13: 187mg; physical symptoms↓, neuro emotions ↑, weight stable...12/20/13: 225mg; physical symptoms return, emotions stable <1-week, weight↓...4/21/14: 187mg; weight↑...5/17/14 (neurologist ordered discontinue asap):168mg; headache, mood swings, ↑weight, sleep flux...5/24/14: 150mg; headache, mood swings, ↓cognitive/balance...6/2/14: 112mg; see above, weight stable, <3-weeks... 6/28/14: 100mg; moody...7/25/14: 87.5mg; family troubles... 8/4/14: 75mg; headaches; moody... 8/9/14: 50mg headaches... 8/12/14: 37.5mg; 8/17/14: 25mg...8/26/14 = 0

Hydroxyzine; 10mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. Mood changes/rage 

Buspirone: 7.5mg: 5/20/15 *prn 4/5 times then dc'd. No changes.

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Karma Contributor

Karma

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Hi Barb

 

Just checking in with you ... I know this time of year is difficult for you, but wanted to pop in and send you some love and light.  hugging.gif

 

Karma

2007 @ 375 mg Effexor - 11/29/2011 - 43.75 mg Effexor (regular) & .625 mg Xanax

200 mg Gabapentin 2/27/21 - 194.5 mg, 5/28/21 - 183 mg, 8/2/21 - 170 mg, 11/28/21 - 150 mg, 4/19/22 - 122 mg; 8//7/22 - 100 mg; 12/17 - 75mg; 8/17 - 45 mg; 10/16 40 mg
Xanax taper: 3/11/12 - 0.9375 mg, 3/25/12 - 0.875 mg, 4/6/12 - 0.8125 mg, 4/18/12 - 0.75 ; 10/16 40mg;

1/16 0.6875 mg; at some point 0.625 mg
Effexor taper: 1/29/12 - 40.625 mg, 4/29/12 - 39.875 mg, 5/11/12 - Switched to liquid Effexor, 5/25/12 - 38 mg, 7/6/12 - 35 mg, 8/17/12 - 32 mg, 9/14/12 - 30 mg, 10/19/12 - 28 mg, 11/9/12 - 26 mg, 11/30/12 - 24 mg, 01/14/13 - 22 mg. 02/25/13 - 20.8 mg, 03/18/13 - 19.2 mg, 4/15/13 - 17.6 mg, 8/10/13 - 16.4 mg, 9/7/13 - 15.2 mg, 10/19/13 - 14 mg, 1/15/14 - 13.2 mg, 3/1/2014 - 12.6 mg, 5/4/14 - 12 mg, 8/1/14 - 11.4 mg, 8/29/14 - 10.8 mg; 10/14/14 - 10.2 mg; 12/15/14 - 10 mg, 1/11/15 - 9.5 mg, 2/8/15 - 9 mg, 3/21/15 - 8.5 mg, 5/1/15 - 8 mg, 6/9/15 - 7.5 mg, 7/8/15 - 7 mg, 8/22/15 - 6.5 mg, 10/4/15 - 6 mg; 1/1/16 - 5.6 mg; 2/6/16 - 5.2 mg; 4/9 - 4.8 mg; 7/7 4.5 mg; 10/7 4.25 mg; 11/4 4.0 mg; 11/25 3.8 mg; 4/24 3.6 mg; 5/27 3.4 mg; 7/8 3.2 mg ... 10/18 2.8 mg; 1/18 2.6 mg; 4/7 2.4 mg; 5/26 2.15mg; 8/18 1.85 mg; 10/7 1.7 mg; 12/1 1.45 mg; 3/2 1.2 mg; 5/4 0.90 mg; 6/1 0.80 mg; 6/22 0.65 mg; 08/03 0.50 mg, 08/10 0.45 mg, 10/05 0.325 mg, 11/23 0.2 mg, 12/14 0.15 mg, 12/21 0.125 mg, 02/28 0.03125 mg, 2/15 0.015625 mg, 2/29/20 0.00 mg - OFF Effexor

I am not a medical professional - this is not medical advice. My suggestions are based on personal experience, reading, observation and anecdotal information posted by other sufferers

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  • 5 months later...
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Petunia Newbie

Petunia

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Hi Barb,

I often think about you and hope you are ok, I miss your posts. I just noticed a comment you made on another thread and was happy to see you had logged on.

 

Sending hugs

Petu

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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cymbaltawithdrawal5600 Newbie

cymbaltawithdrawal5600

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Ditto.

What happened and how I arrived here: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4243-cymbaltawithdrawal5600-introduction/#entry50878

 

July 2016 I have decided to leave my story here at SA unfinished. I have left my contact information in my profile for anyone who wishes to talk to me. I have a posting history spanning nearly 4 years and 3000+ posts all over the site.

 

Thank you to all who participated in my recovery. I'll miss talking to you but know that I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines, suffering and rejoicing with you in spirit, as you go on in your journey.

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Meimeiquest Newbie

Meimeiquest

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Me too

1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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  • 1 year later...
  • Moderator Emeritus
JanCarol Contributor

JanCarol

Posted
  • Moderator Emeritus
Posted

Hey Barbara - 

 

I was just talking about pain / depression / chicken / egg with someone here in PM - and I realized that is the TITLE of your thread.

 

We likely have a lot in common.  That and the time impairment thing (big time)

 

I haven't seen you around for a few months, are you okay?  

 

I hope you see the Sun today.

 

JanCarol

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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  • 1 year later...
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Altostrata Grand Master

Altostrata

Posted
  • Administrator
Posted

Hi, B. How are you doing these days?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Barbarannamated Newbie

Barbarannamated

Posted
  • Author
Posted
On 2/16/2018 at 6:33 PM, Altostrata said:

Hi, B. How are you doing these days?

 

Hi Alto and everyone who checked in on me!  I just recently saw the messages.  

 

I want to be careful about how I present things.  My history is VERY complex with significant psychosocial factors. 

 

With the help of a few Integrative and Functional Medicine doctors, reviews of (missed) labwork since being on approximately 50 different drugs since Zoloft in 1993, and some hints from genetic testing, it's more apparent that I had a severe neuromuscular movement reaction to Zoloft (followed by MANY more SS/NRIs, neuroleptics, etc) which was not linked until the past few years.  Markers for muscle damage, pancreatitis, lupus, and others were missed.  

 

I sloppily tapered Pristiq over a year or so (2011), but did not have the amazing knowledge and advice of Alto and this group until after I was completely off and reinstatement did not work.  

 

 I think I'm doing a bit better.  It differs day to day, morning to night, ability to get out and among people, and significant stressors (isolation, family, isolation with family). 

 

I'm still on several drugs, also.  (Klonopin, trazodone, Vyvanse, Fetzima, Wellbutrin). 

 

I still have difficulty in the mornings (dread, anxiety) and often into the afternoon.  It's much worse if I sleep "hard".  

Motivation and sense of (good) anticipation is very low.  I haven't had a regular schedule or work since 2001, but was able to find something to get me moving prior to Pristiq withdrawal (my horses and interacting at the boarding ranch). 

 

The neck issue is cervical dystonia, a movement disorder that can be caused by SSRIs.  It began around the time I started Zoloft.  Severe bruxism (also a movement disorder known to occur with serotonergic drugs) started at roughly the same time.  I was carrying a heavy computer daily, so that is a factor.

 

The autonomic dysfunction and leaden fatigue are still present.  I was hospitalized for bradycardia (30ish BPM) in 2012.  I now tend toward postural tachycardia and hypERtension, unlike POTS.  My heart rate will go from 60 to 130 within a minute of standing up.  BP also goes from normal to high.  Showering is EXTREMELY difficult and I ended up in an ambulance to the ER not too long ago. Everything looked fine by the time I got there. 

I've learned that difficulty showering (especially with hot water) is common with dysautonomia as well as adrenal insufficiency.  

 

I'm trying to hang in there, but being unable to get out easily makes it difficult. I feel MUCH better when out and among people.  I'm slated to move to Florida asap where I'm leasing a house near the beach with friends.  Traveling is tough, but I hope the change will jumpstart me.  Much more to do there.  

 

I hope everyone is doing better.  For those of you in the thick of it, hang in there. You have the very best resources and support here in this forum.  Several people have referred me back here when I've shared my story!  

 

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Altostrata Grand Master

Altostrata

Posted
  • Administrator
Posted

Barb, it's good to hear from you. You actually sound better. The move to Florida sounds like a good one.

 

Have acupuncture, chiro, or osteopathic manual treatment helped the cervical dystonia at all?

 

Do you plan to go off the other drugs?

 

Please do let us know how you're doing.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Barbarannamated Newbie

Barbarannamated

Posted
  • Author
Posted
10 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Barb, it's good to hear from you. You actually sound better. The move to Florida sounds like a good one.

 

Have acupuncture, chiro, or osteopathic manual treatment helped the cervical dystonia at all?

 

Do you plan to go off the other drugs?

 

Please do let us know how you're doing.

 

I'm too weak and undernourished to even think about changing anything else, even though I know they're probably making me worse.  I'm at about 80# (5'3") and have lost all muscle.  I spend all of my time in bed unless I really have to get out.  

 

I've done acupuncture, chiro, osteopathic manipulation for many years.  I also have a condition called DISH in which my spinal ligaments are becoming like bone.  

 

I'm living with my 90yo father, sister (Stage 4 lung cancer), and husband who came to PA to help me get to Florida, but we never got out.  I have no other real life *support*.  It's a terrible situation.  My dad wants us out, as do I, but I am too weak to pack and travel.  I have no idea what will happen.  

 

Life has been very very very long.  

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Altostrata Grand Master

Altostrata

Posted
  • Administrator
Posted

Oh, dear, I wish I could bring you some soup! Please do feed yourself as much as possible. I wish there was more I could do.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Barbarannamated Newbie

Barbarannamated

Posted
  • Author
Posted
On 2/24/2018 at 2:02 AM, Altostrata said:

Oh, dear, I wish I could bring you some soup! Please do feed yourself as much as possible. I wish there was more I could do.

 

Aaaww! Thanks, Alto!  I'm doing my best to eat or drink Orgain nutrition drinks.  I don't think I've lost anymore weight.  

 

Since my recent update, my dad relapsed and is now diagnosed with cancer (lymphoma or leukemia, he wants no more testing).  So, now both he and my sister are in bad shape and I'm worn out completely trying to care for him.  My husband is here and is really stepping up, but he's worn out, too.  My dad fell in the kitchen the other night and DH heard it and handled it really well.  Then, told me very carefully to not alarm me.  Must give credit where it's due. 

 

I'm still planning on going to Florida asap. (sea turtle season!).  I'm searching for someone to take care of my dad and sister.  It's tough to find help unless you're destitute.  

This situation is BRUTAL on my emotional and physical health.  My emotions are all over the place....worry, anger, grief, feeling trapped.  

Major errors were made at the hospital and I don't deal with that well. My dormant, but assertive, patient advocate came out strong.  It felt good!  All of those years dealing with doctors and researchers comes in handy!  I keep seeing how ill-informed and narrowly educated they really are. Scary!

My dad's home health nurse did give me credit for diagnosing a reaction to (long term) Levaquin <<shudder>>.   I realized how desperately I miss being valued for my mind and knowledge.  

 

I lost my pain treating doc (PCP) when I missed an appointment when my dad was in the hospital.  Have not even looked for another and I'm suffering badly.  This is happening to ALOT of chronic pain patients; being dismissed as patients after years of appropriate treatment, following the rules, complying with contracts, urine drug screens, not going to other docs or asking for early refills. There's no concern for chronic pain patients trying to be as functional as possible.  All are judged by the actions of the partyers/abusers who are rescued repeatedly only to find drugs on the street again.  The anger in me is so strong because this whole neuromuscular movement disorder pain began with Zoloft prescribed inappropriately for mild fatigue, NOT depression or anxiety.  😈. 

I MAY lose my disability income and medical benefits if doc won't fill out paperwork (private company).  Sometimes, I think that might be the best thing to happen.  

 

I feel extremely defeated, wondering why I'm being consistently punished from every angle (mostly illness and family).  WHY do I have to prove every year (17 now) that I'm disabled when I never sought it or had any part of the determination that was made by my employer?  The new disability person called this week to let me know the papers were sent to me and my doctors.  Last year, the adjuster said I wouldn't have to go through this for several years since I'd been disabled for so long and stable. I told new adjuster that THE COMPANY should have to prove that I can or cannot work since they determined I couldn't in the first place when they forced me into Involuntary Medical Retirement.  

 It feels like some new punishment every day after always playing by the rules all my life.  

I wish I'd had the instincts and confidence to question authority and be NONcompliant.  

 

I did want to mention that I volunteered at a community theatre in Palm Springs in 2015.  It was totally spontaneous.  I was driving around, saw that A Chorus Line was coming up (my favorite show) and I walked in and filled out volunteer application and started the next day.  I was an Usher and LOVED the interaction with people, the cast and crew.  I was in my element.  DH came one night.  The Lead Usher, prominent in the volunteering community, told him how much they loved me.  After watching me in action, DH said "you really come to life when you're around people".  REALLY?!?!  Only 20 years to realize that...  😱

I lasted until it got extremely hot in the desert and I deteriorated and crashed.  

 

 

 

 

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • 3 weeks later...
Barbarannamated Newbie

Barbarannamated

Posted
  • Author
Posted

There seems to be no rhyme or reason to cardiovascular issues.  For the last few months, I've been running high BP and HR.  More recently, BP has been very low, especially in the early morning.  75/40 or thereabouts.  HR is 95 -110, which is low for me.  Gotta love autonomic dysfunction. 

I'm not going to any allopathic docs for this.  Been there, hospitalized at one point.  I'll just eat salt.  

 

Frustrated.  

 

 

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • 1 month later...
bubbles Contributor

bubbles

Posted
Posted

How are you feeling now, Barb?

2005 St John's Wort / 2006-2012 Lexapro 20mg, 2 failed attempts to stop, tapered over 4.5 months in early 2012

January 2013 started Sertraline, over time worked up to 100mg

July 2014 Sertraline dropped from 100mg to 75mg, held for six months, slower tapering until 2019 22 Dec 3.2mg

2020 Sertraline 19 Jan 3.1mg, 26 Jan 3.0mg; 1 Mar 2.9, 7 Mar 2.8, May (some drops here) 24 May 2.5, May 29 2.4, June 21 2.3, June 28 2.2mg,  July 4 2.1mg, July 24 (or maybe a bit before) 2mg, early Nov switched to home made suspension; 29 Nov 1.8mg; approx 25 Dec 1.6mg)

2021 Some time in about Jan/Feb realised probably on more like 1.8mg and poss mixing error in making suspension; doses after 10 Feb accurate; 10 Feb 1.6mg; 7 Mar 1.4, continued monthly

10% drops until 1mg, then dropped 0.1mg monthly.

May 2022,0.1mg, now dropping 0.01mg per week

29 August 2022 - first day of zero!

My thread here at SA: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1775-bubbles/page/21/

Current: Armour Thyroid

 

 

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Barbarannamated Newbie

Barbarannamated

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I'm in Florida now.  Definitely a better area, though it's been very stressful in many ways.  I have zero stress tolerance to deal with even minor changes that I HAVE to deal with.  I haven't been able to go to docs.  I have such PTSD that I just can't force myself through.  I'm still on several meds and found a telemedicine doc for Vyvanse, but even skipped an appointment with him this week.  I'm trapped by all of this, plus chronic pain treatment.  Completely lost, but trapped at the same time. 

 

I'm TIRED.  Life tired.  I've been dealing with all of this since 1993 when I first had the neuromuscular injury from Zoloft.   I can't jump through any more hoops for docs or lawyers or new RX rules. 

 

I just stay in bed for the most part.  

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Barbarannamated Newbie

Barbarannamated

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I always want to clarify for anyone who may read this that this is not only withdrawal, but started with an immediate neuromuscular movement disorder and injury from Zoloft in 1993.  It was RXd for mild fatigue during a very good and busy time of life.  More and more drugs piled on. Nobody put it all together until I was forced to medically retire when I was 39 (2001).  I lost everything, or it seems that way, and I've never been able to feel grounded and purposeful since.  

 

Trying to establish residency in Florida from California with a 2 year stopever in Pennsylvania is beyond me right now.  I left everything in CA -- house, cars, horses -- and I'm not going back.  

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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bubbles Contributor

bubbles

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry that you're not feeling well, Barb. Sending virtual hugs.

2005 St John's Wort / 2006-2012 Lexapro 20mg, 2 failed attempts to stop, tapered over 4.5 months in early 2012

January 2013 started Sertraline, over time worked up to 100mg

July 2014 Sertraline dropped from 100mg to 75mg, held for six months, slower tapering until 2019 22 Dec 3.2mg

2020 Sertraline 19 Jan 3.1mg, 26 Jan 3.0mg; 1 Mar 2.9, 7 Mar 2.8, May (some drops here) 24 May 2.5, May 29 2.4, June 21 2.3, June 28 2.2mg,  July 4 2.1mg, July 24 (or maybe a bit before) 2mg, early Nov switched to home made suspension; 29 Nov 1.8mg; approx 25 Dec 1.6mg)

2021 Some time in about Jan/Feb realised probably on more like 1.8mg and poss mixing error in making suspension; doses after 10 Feb accurate; 10 Feb 1.6mg; 7 Mar 1.4, continued monthly

10% drops until 1mg, then dropped 0.1mg monthly.

May 2022,0.1mg, now dropping 0.01mg per week

29 August 2022 - first day of zero!

My thread here at SA: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1775-bubbles/page/21/

Current: Armour Thyroid

 

 

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Barbarannamated Newbie

Barbarannamated

Posted
  • Author
Posted
On 6/4/2018 at 11:11 PM, bubbles said:

I'm so sorry that you're not feeling well, Barb. Sending virtual hugs.

 

Thank you, Bubbles.  💞

 

This move was too much for me. It's definitely a better area. It's beautiful with much more to do. But, I can't find the motivation or will to do anything. Last Friday night, my husband heard music from across the river/ Intracoastal Waterway and called me out from the RV.  I felt a mild sense of interest for long enough to find out -through Google maps and a few calls - where the music was coming from.  I mark my calendar for events, but never follow through.  

 

I really need someone to help me find a doctor, make an appointment, gether my medical records, and get me there. I have tried and tried, but I just cannot seem to get from Point A (slight interest motivated by fear of withdrawal) to an actual appointment. 

I KNOW people like that exist.  I had an advocate during the work comp case back in the 90s, but that was litigious and arranged by insurer with a stake in the matter. 

 

What I really need is someone who cares enough if I live or die to go out of their way to help me.  I don't have that.  It looks to people like I'm not trying, but I really AM.  

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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  • 8 months later...
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Altostrata Grand Master

Altostrata

Posted
  • Administrator
Posted

How are you doing, Barb?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • 3 years later...
Ariel Veteran

Ariel

Posted
Posted

@Barbarannamated

Hello,

I see that it's been over half a year since you last logged on. 

Nonetheless I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your posts site-wide. 

I often come across something you've written and read it with interest and gratitude. 

You've left a real legacy of support for all of us to benefit from, and I thank you for that. 

I'm sorry for the harrowing years you've been through. You are so brave. 

I wonder how you're faring these days...

If you ever feel like logging in to share an update, you'd have a willing and welcoming audience.

Sending you love and gratitude and very best wishes for peace and healing,

A. 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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  • 1 month later...
Ariel Veteran

Ariel

Posted
Posted

Hi @Barbarannamated

Thinking of you <3

I know we haven't "met" but I feel like you're still here with us.  

Whenever I come across one of your posts I beam gratitude and well wishes in your direction. 

Sending hugs and healing vibes <3

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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