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☼ Rockingchaircat: recovery from psychotropic drugs that were prescribed willy nilly.


Rockingchaircat

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From my Benzo Blog:

12/15/205

It's been a week since I had my window of no anxiety ending. It was most enjoyable while it lasted. As it is now- I've got a low level of anxiousness through much of the day. And in the last few days I've also had intense dreams that end up with my waking up with a pounding heart and high blood pressure- essentially a panic attack. 

 

Four months. I've been getting them for four months now. A window now and again. It's affecting my ability to do my job. And if I can't do my job. I lose my job. I lose my job. I lose my house. I lose my medical coverage. My daughter will  lose her medical coverage.

I tried going to bed earlier last night. All it resulted in: my getting the same amount of sleep- and the C/S in the early morning hour- and surf doze with insomnia sprinkled in, just when I DON'T need them.

Depression or a depressive episode- seems to delay them temporarily. A cold delays them, so that I get some more sleep. But- when I've got a cold, I can't do my job.

 

Now do you understand why I feel like i'm trapped? So, do a reinstatement, and maybe, just maybe stabilize. And become a slave to the pill again.  Or try to push through? I read of folks who are STILL getting C/S every freaking night years on.

 

Or do I wait?  And wait for what? For how long?  Those are the questions I cannot answer.

I go back on- and it's the Obsessiveness again. Mania. Weight Gain. Sexual Dysfunction. Inability to reach orgasm. Road Rage. 

 

A few minutes ago I walk outside and try to soak up the sun and do a meditation out yonder. A National Guard jet screams over head at that exact moment.   Result- not only do I not relax, but I also get my nerves put back into overdrive.

 

I've reduced my sugar intake. I'm still out if it helps.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Then I read this: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8991-nana-trying-to-stay-off-pristiq/?hl=sleep#entry215479

 

Welcome and well done!

I did too fast a taper, suffered, but reinstating anything, or trying anythin new, is damn worse.  Stick with it, AND WELL DONE!

 

AT LEAST OFF THE DRUGS, i HAD WINDOWS, TRYING TO REINSTATE, EVERY DAY IS HELL....  day 10 ready to give up.....  the drugs making me worse, now why the crap and the bullsh*t, make you wrorse before you feel better?  BLOODY GOOD MARKETING I RECKON.

 

 

Well, there it is.  Reinstatement is no god send. No windows. Just every day hell, as opposed to the occasional day off as it is now.  

 

I will keep going.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Not all people are in hell from reinstating, lots have success, but I'm glad you are going to keep going!! You will get there. Ali

10 years citalopram 30mg- tapered down in December 15/2015- Jan 15/2016 to 20mg for two weeks, ten for one week and five for another week, then stopped, less then two weeks later, sheer hell broke lose with debilitating withdrawal symptoms.

 

Update-- reinstated 5mg of celexa on feb 5-- within hours noticed immediate difference in WD symptoms-- Holding holding and more holding.

 

Updose- March 23/16 too 10mg- relieved the harsher head symptoms- current symptoms headaches, dizzy, numbness and tingling in my head.

 

Benzos- 2015-Ativan on and off for 6 months 2mg- switched to clonazepam nov 2015- 2mg till Jan 2016 Zopiclone 7.5mg nov-dec 2015- was tapered off over 4weeks- Currently in protracted withdrawal. ????????????????????????????????

 

Update- ended up in the hospital April 18/16 major suicidal ( never had that before) was admitted/ been there ever since, put me back to full dose celexa 30mg no drugs added, IAM FINALLY STABLE AFTER 3 months of tortuous hell. Got a great physiatrist that new all about WD, he will help me taper properly in a couple of months at 5% deductions holding 8 weeks. I never want to relive that hell again.

 

Udate- stable and holding, doing things slowly is key.

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I called in sick to work today.

I was just too damnably exhausted to go in. When I got home yesterday- I tired, damned tired. I lay down for a nap and had the inevitable C/S.  I chose to go to bed early. Several hours early. I stayed in bed a couple of hours later than normal. And then dozed on the couch for a couple more. And as it turned out- the inevitable fatigue from not having enough sleep due to the night C/S tied in with the roadside store chicken salad sandwich fueled diarrhea this morning.  So even though I slept a bit more. I'm even more run down than usual.

Strangely enough for about 20 minutes I got the 'urge' which surprised the wife.  And we took care things.

I'm a bit more tired after now too. Though for some reason I'm going to keep this memory as a reminder that I am still alive and I still have certain desires and am capable of it.

 

During my 'repose' last night- I noticed a trend that has been occurring of late. I would dream, and get the inevitable C/S. But I would allow it and try not to fight it. And after the 2nd or 3rd C/S I could get at least 2 or 4 dreams going before they'd start again.  And thus managed to get some rest in- I hope.

 

I just took a nap, got the inevitable C/S for the first doze, and perhaps only a mild one for the 2nd.  

And in an effort to keep busy- I tried to step outside and instead got a dizzy spell. I went and got some chicken broth and salted it. That seems to be helping.

 

I envy you dear reader- you who doesn't have to deal with a Cpap.  For me I have to insure that my mask stays reasonably in position so that the seal isn't broken (which inevitably it is) and invariably the seal broken sends a jet of air directly at one of my eyes.  And to top that off, I have to use a chin strap to keep my mouth shut.  Because if I don't then I get the Cpap powered mouth farts. Which have a tendency to wake me up at the most undesirable time.  Mouth guards scare me (I'm desperately fearful of getting one down my throat). So all in all I tend to try and make sure my head is sitting on a pillow, on my side. Which doesn't always prevent said mouth farts.

 

The last couple of days- due to the C/S, and lack of restful sleep. I feel terribly jetlagged. The way that one does when one flys halfway across the world to deploy to a new place. 

It seems that I may have to go to bed earlier in an effort to combat that. Even if it's a couple of hours of stare at the ceiling.. 

I imagine that tonight I will be doing much of the same. 

Melatonin? I tried that. Twice. Both times I ended up sleeping an extra day away and having to call in sick for that day. And end up with a raging headache.

 

One day at a time. It's all I can do.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Not all people are in hell from reinstating, lots have success, but I'm glad you are going to keep going!! You will get there. Ali

 

With all due respect Ali4. I appreciate the kind words- but your own blog says it's no cake walk reinstating:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/11260-ali4-reinstating-low-dose-of-celexa/page-2?hl=ali4

Posted 04 March 2016 - 12:46 PM

Today is NOT A GOOD DAY, woke with a headache, has got progressively worse as the day goes by, comes with a very odd burning sensation in the head, accompanied by massive panic and anxiety, very restless and kinda just want to crawl in a hole and disappear. 
 
Sounds like me. All too often. I went ahead and started reading your own experiences after reinstatement.  
 
According to Brassmonkey: Posted 08 March 2016 - 12:02 PM

Hang in there Ali, it can be a rough ride getting a reinstatement to settle down.  It's only been a few weeks so it will need a little longer, but it will happen.  Try not to be frightened because the fear only serves to feed the symptoms.  Relax as best as you can and roll with it.

 

(((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))

I've been off- 8 months.  Maybe I will get better in 4, maybe not. But it doesn't look like I'll be getting much relief by reinstatement. Just the loss of 8 months of progress.

I know you meant well. But I'll pass on reinstatement.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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I'm glad your going to continue off!! That's a good idea, you have been off a long time, so sticking with it is best, my situation is very complicated, I was taken off the ad and benzo at the same time over 4 weeks, if I didn't reinstate celexa I don't think I'd be here right now, but the benzo, I will not reinstate, I will win one battle at a time!! Terrible that we have to go through it, but we will conquer. Good luck to you and keep fighting you will get there!!! Ali

10 years citalopram 30mg- tapered down in December 15/2015- Jan 15/2016 to 20mg for two weeks, ten for one week and five for another week, then stopped, less then two weeks later, sheer hell broke lose with debilitating withdrawal symptoms.

 

Update-- reinstated 5mg of celexa on feb 5-- within hours noticed immediate difference in WD symptoms-- Holding holding and more holding.

 

Updose- March 23/16 too 10mg- relieved the harsher head symptoms- current symptoms headaches, dizzy, numbness and tingling in my head.

 

Benzos- 2015-Ativan on and off for 6 months 2mg- switched to clonazepam nov 2015- 2mg till Jan 2016 Zopiclone 7.5mg nov-dec 2015- was tapered off over 4weeks- Currently in protracted withdrawal. ????????????????????????????????

 

Update- ended up in the hospital April 18/16 major suicidal ( never had that before) was admitted/ been there ever since, put me back to full dose celexa 30mg no drugs added, IAM FINALLY STABLE AFTER 3 months of tortuous hell. Got a great physiatrist that new all about WD, he will help me taper properly in a couple of months at 5% deductions holding 8 weeks. I never want to relive that hell again.

 

Udate- stable and holding, doing things slowly is key.

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My god this **** is relentless.  The C/S started in the early morning hours never the same time. But inevitably- when I needed the most restful sleep.  I tried taking aspirin in an effort to try and head it off- and it worked- for all of two nights.  And then it shifted. Shifted to every god damned dream I had and have had since!  So instead of just the after-midnight it's all freaking night long!

Last night the wife went alone to a Lorena McKennitt concert at the Hult Center. I was just not up to going. Between the fatigue and the noise- I doubt what little sanity I had remaining would've been intact. None of her friends were available to go

 

Since last monday I've been having force myself to eat.  Sometimes, very occasionally I feel something akin to hunger. But it's invariably at night, a half hour before I have to get up.  And then it's back to feeling no hunger whatsoever- unless I start eating something. Sometimes- I just grab something off of the shelf and eat that. Which may have been a mistake last thursday- I may have eaten something with cheese in it.  Result- yesterday and the day before- Utter fatigue. I call in sick yesterday after dragging myself out of bed.  And go and lay on the couch for a few hours. 

Normally the wife has less energy than I do. But ever since she's gotten her new CPAP she's been having a great deal more motivation and energy. I cannot help but envy her all that.

Right now I'm feeling low. Yeah no kidding. I'm sitting under the very 'happy' light that gave me so much energy and a window two months ago.  Now? Nothing. Yet it's better than nothing. The rain here is relentless. It may help me doze off, but it also blocks the sun.

 

This morning I lay down on the couch after feeding the cats. I started to doze off, and a cat jumps on my leg complete with claws.  Then after a while I start to doze off again, and then another cat decides it's time to vocalize that he's awake.

 

Eventually I manage to doze off anyways. Rain drops on the roof. 

A bit ago I got back up, telling myself that happiness isn't going to fall into my lap.  So I resolved to get up, I did and started prepping for the day, and immediately upon entering the living room I notice some cat vomit on the floor, which I step over to avoid. And my foot lands smack dab in the middle of the next pile of cat vomit.

Nothing quite like a cold pile of cat vomit on bare feet to set one off a cussing rampage.

 

This is my life. Thanks for nothing Big Pharma.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Still trying to find something to help me sleep.  My biggest concern: Cortisol Surges/spikes. (C/S).  Even the upright nap I just took allowed a C/S to occur.

 

Last night I had on average- every 60 to 90 minutes an awakening with heart pounding. Anecdotally- some of my dreams I didn't wake up immediately from. But after awakening, I could've swore that my body was vibrating due to the C/S surging.  It was like it was making up for lost time.  My body core vibrated.  That's the best way to put it.

 

I've also been trying to put on a good mood in an effort to fight off the depression. It has had limited success. But no few times I have managed to spontaneously crack a smile today.

I know if I should somehow stumble across a cortisol modulation- it won't be a cure. But it would be a help.

I've taken the time to plaster my bedroom windows with black poster board.  Which definitely cuts down on ambient light.

 

Skin burn comes and goes.  Headaches still come and go. But at least they're not migrating.

 

Yesterday I noticed something unusual about my urine- before bed- it was cloudy. Now "normally' it's been cloudy at night only for the last couple of weeks, including my last Friday Fatigue Fest. Last night- no cloudiness at all.  Strange indeed.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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I took some Niaspan before bed. I got the flush, and it seemed to make me relax a bit. At night I did sleep, and the best I recall I did seem a wee bit more rested. Though I did end up waking up every hour. I went to bed an hour early and paid for it with an hour's worth or two of restless leg.  Just can't win. I wake up at 2 in the morning and my body just refuses to sleep past that. I'm on edge no matter what relaxation techniques I try. At this point I'm ready to retry the beta blocker. I'll have to make an appointment with the doc first.

 

Numbness. I noticed that I can pinch my skin with a nail- and not feel it on my thighs. Whereas on my arms and lower legs I can.  I can pull my thigh hair and feel pain.  Strange.  My tongue surface and my hard palate has also gone numb on occasion. It's difficult for me to ascertain whether or not something is too hot to put into my mouth- I find out afterwards by the blisters on my inside mouth that it was too hot.

 

Well I'm going to retry the Taurine. Now that I'm not on coffee anymore and low sugar. Wish me luck. I'll try it once I'm at work and with an empty stomach.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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R.C.    Do you mean Niacin ?   How much are you taking ?  

 

Don't worry too much about the " wacky symptoms " , like the numbness etc. They tend to come and go with great alacrity . I would give it some more time before I threw any more drugs , into the mix .   Eight months , seems to be one of those times that is harder to navigate and seems to be a particularly tricky time for some . I had it myself , and again at 18 months.  

I hope it improves for you soon .

Ali

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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R.C.    Do you mean Niacin ?   How much are you taking ?  

 

Don't worry too much about the " wacky symptoms " , like the numbness etc. They tend to come and go with great alacrity . I would give it some more time before I threw any more drugs , into the mix .   Eight months , seems to be one of those times that is harder to navigate and seems to be a particularly tricky time for some . I had it myself , and again at 18 months.  

I hope it improves for you soon .

Ali

Niacin? Sort of. http://www.niaspan.com/ Extended release Niacin. 500mg.

Since my current hash of problems is the C/S which has the wonderful side effect of making it difficult to breathe at times...Vasoconstriction.  I thought that perhaps a Vasodilator would help- it did to some limited extent.

 

Taurine 500 mg taken with Magnesium taurate. at 0600. Perhaps I can emulate Lexhex- http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/5759-taurine-for-heart-arrhythmia/

 

General Anxiety since 0230. 

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Update- 6 hours later.

 

I noted that my underlying sense of distress - which started early this morning, abated to an almost nonexistent level within 20 minutes of taking the Taurine.  Unfortunately- I also got the 'hard to breathe' action as well as a result- exactly what I got last time I took it about a month ago. And my Blood Pressure? Down.

This time- I think I will continue to take it and see if I can get used to it. I did take an antihistamine after a couple of hours to deal with the seasonal allergy- and that seemed to help with the hard to breathe as well- a bit. As it is now I have a forehead/brow headache- low level. (Easily ignored).

 

It's been 6 hours- I note that I still have the usual concerns and fear- but only if I take the time to concentrate upon them.  My appetite has improved. Which in itself is remarkable- as I've not had an appetite for the last two weeks.  And the weird part- I'm not sleepy- yet. I gave myself the opportunity to take a nap and my body just wasn't so inclined. My sense of humor was around occasionally during this time as well.

 

I'm not going to put all of my eggs in one basket. My hopes have been dashed before.  So I will try to cultivate my good mood (easier right now) and try to not be too terribly disappointed when this inevitably ends.

I'm going to point out- I'm not trying to find a cure for my symptoms- I know damned full well that the only cure for that- is time. What I'm seeking right now is a cure for one of the more disagreeable symptoms- my inability to get a decent night's rest. I'm hoping that I can at least imitate LexHex in this regard.  As it is now- I'm willing to start a beta-blocker in this, if need be.

 

Right now- take it slow. And I shall see what I can see.

 

One thing I did take note of in my explorations: that both Lexapro and Celexa withdrawal messes with the Cortisol production and control: http://forums.phoenixrising.me/index.php?threads/prozac-fluoxetine-and-other-ssris-alter-cortisol-and-cytokine-levels.23160/

 

Short term- they raise Cortisol. Long term- they lower it.

So what happens when you get off of them? Cortisol comes back....As I discovered 4 months into my w/d.

According to Dr. Lam- Serotonin increases, Cortisol increases to combat the Serotonin. If that's true then why did my C/S occur months before I found a Happy Light?

Yeah I know- everything is messed up.  Cortisol returnes to 'normal' after cessation, but not, of course, the Serotonin- on noes!

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Taurine 500 mg. One dose, 12 hours later.

 

Honestly? I'm surprised I'm still in a good place this long afterwards. Don't get me wrong- I'm still experiencing anxiety, and it flared up after lunch and dinner. But it took only a bit to get it back down low.

I'm still getting the pins and needles here and there. Some skin burn on my arms. And my tongue is still feeling numb in spots.

But lunch? Wow, that food tasted GOOD.   My appetite has increased. And I find myself satiated with what I've got.  

 

But I'm not gonna put all my eggs (hope) in one basket. There's still tonight and every subsequent tomorrow to consider. If this continues I will increase to 2x a day. More than likely- to about 5 or 6 in the evening to dose.  I'm hoping that my body will mediate it's response to the Taurine- if not then I'll be popping some Allergy pill just prior to it's swallowing for as long as it's necessary.

 

There's still tonight to be observant for. And to see what tomorrow and all of the tomorrows will bring.  It could very well be that this is just a honeymoon first day kind of thing. I'll just have to wait and see.

Blood pressure was lower for a while (good). It increased along about 2 in the afternoon. But even now it's not 'give me a headache' pounding like it's been like ...forever...

I noticed that while walking and doing some physical labor, I felt a wee bit weaker. I'm chalking that up to not having so much cortisol to burn up.

Also- my peeing has dropped off. A road trip to a spot an hour away during the last few months- has always left me desperate to find a place to pee.  This time? No problem holding.  Near normal.

The fatigue? The last couple of weeks I'd have been afraid to drive to this same spot, due to my lack of restful sleep. Today? Only slight problems. I had the opportunity to nap- and my body wouldn't- in the morning time. A time I'd 'normally' or at least lately- would have zone out for a black out nap.

I did have a wee bit of slowing down along about the usual time for the afternoon zone out.  I could've napped. But I pressed on, and it wasn't difficult to do so.

 

I did my afternoon meditation- and yeah I fell asleep then. But later than normal, and I didn't get any perceivable C/S. I did have the brain fog afterwards from a sleep deficit. But even that rapidly dissipated. 

 

This is most intriguing.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Taurine 24.5 hours later.  Second dose taken at 0500.

 

Well last night I didn't expect much sleep. I wasn't disappointed in that regard.  As to the C/S- I'm not sure if in fact I did get any.  I got to bed at the usual time 8 in the evening. But my mind is racing- it takes awhile to relax enough to fall asleep. I do so around 9:30, whereupon I awaken again within a few minutes and then it's restless leg energy for the better part of an hour. Then some muscles in my right arm twitching themselves. Then I fall asleep again, and it's restless leg energy again, this continues till midnight. And once again around 2 in the morning.

But strangely enough I think I did manage some sleep. As to dreaming- I'm not really sure.  I get the notion that my body was trying to do everything at once and took advantage of whatever the Taurine brought to finally do what was necessary for repairs and maintenance. It wasn't until my usual begin to wake up time that I started to feel enough lassitude to fall back asleep and stay there for a while. It was SOOOO tempting to do just that.  But I have scant vacation/sick days left.  It shall have to wait.

I'm feeling a bit weak, even with breakfast- it's almost as if I'm running on regular gas as opposed to the nitrous oxide I've been running on since...forever.  This morning I had a bout of diarrhea- including my drive to work- which made it a bit of a challenge.  My blood pressure right now seems to be at a good level.

This morning's taurine was taken with magnesium citrate (which may explain the diarrhea- but it started before brekky). The urine didn't appear to be cloudy this morning. And nature's call during the night was well subdued. I can state for sure that my desire for salt has dropped off considerably as well.  And the nice thing? No allergic reaction to the Taurine.  Or at least not yet.

 

Breakfast- I actually had the urge to do more than grab something and force myself to eat. I did up some eggs (3) 2 of which were double yolked. That's a Good Luck sign. But not for the bird involved. 

 

I took a dollop of sugar in my peppermint tea- and I could feel the nervous energy start to build in my legs for a bit. And again a bit ago after taking some organic toaster pastry.  I shall endeavour to avoid sugary stuff for a bit more.

 

Upon waking this morning- no skin burn. It's since returned after breakfast. But not as intense. I'm still being triggered by my usual fears. Which I shall be working to avoid thinking about for a bit.

 

Rough Guess- I may have triggered another Window. It shall last as long as it shall last.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Doing more research- Taurine helps, but it's not a cure all. I've read of Petunia, and of Lexhex, both of whom it helped- and then it stopped working, or as working as well as it did.   So this is something I will need to face and expect. Honestly the prospect scares me.

 

But then I know it's not a cure. I just want a lessening of the symptoms to improve my sleep. That at least seems to be more or less consistent. I was on an AD for 16 years, and checking things out - I was polydrugged. Baclofen. It's a Gaba B Receptor agonist. Stuff I took to relax my esophagus when it spasmed on a bolus. And wouldn't you know it- also helped me relax enough to sleep on ever lessening intervals.

 

So for now- I may have myself a sweet spot.  A nice window that should last me a few months.  I'll take it, and go into it with my eyes wide open. The Taurine may be a Gaba A Receptor Activator- but eventually it'll my body will adapt. Just typing about this is giving me a bit of anxiety because I don't want this window to end- ever. But it will.

 

I've no idea what I've done be any different from what they've got or experienced. Coping mechanisms, Happy Light. Who knows? I noticed that Lex hex complained of her return of problems in January. But she doesn't name what exactly her symptoms were. And the fact that she was still on a beta blocker.  A med I've decided I'm going to avoid.  No guarantees what has happened to them will happen to me.  I could be permanently damaged perhaps. But the Taurine is good for the heart. And I'd rather keep that in as good a condition as I may.

 

So- move forward. And maintain my healthy lifestyle for as long as it will. Hopefully before the Taurine "poops out', I'll have healed a bit in some key places.  If anything else I cannot go back to my old me anytime soon.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Antsy- that's me. I'm feeling a bit of a downer after yesterdays- somewhat euphoric day of post nasty days. In a nutshell- I'm afraid that the Taurine window will dissipate and all hell breaks loose.

What I'm forgetting is that I wanted to settle for getting a decent night's sleep. I was willing to put up with the day to day stuffs. Taurine isn't a cure for the symptoms or the cause.

 

But the fresh air smelled and tasted so sweetly. I had a couple of instances today that got me worried about things. After about 1 I had some saltine crackers and I felt the nervousness in my legs- it took about 15 minutes to calm down from that.

And after dinner- it was deal with a pounding heartbeat under the assumption that the worst had returned.  

 

I'm overly sensitive. I shall see what tonight brings sleep wise. I cannot recall how much sleep I got last night.  But today? I think I managed a bit of a nap during my meditation. I did get some myclonic jerks during that.  

It's good to be able to enjoy the day. I don't want to lose it. But if it ends I have to remember that it's not the end of the world.   Lexhex had a year. I think a year of this would do me a lot of good improvement wise. Petunia had far less. I don't think I'm going to making calls. But reading through her intro and blog here, I'm amazed she's so functional at all. She is impressive.

 

But reading through Lexhex, I'm not reading what her day to day experiences were. I am documenting mine.

 

And yes EMT1 is also correct- Attitude is 75% of the battle.  I listened to Chessie Cat's anxiety doc audio recordings and it gave me enough hope to open a weekend window.

 

Hope.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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I stayed up till 8:30. I was yawning rather a lot then.  Result- I slept fairly well till midnight. Which was an improvement. Then I started getting the C/S with every dream. 

 

Joy.

 

Ok. I'm going to up the Taurine dose this evening to 2x a day. And see what happens. 

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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R.C.  I'm pleased you've decided to avoid adding any more drugs .  Good luck with the Taurine .   :)    I'm curious to know how it goes . Keep us posted .

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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Last evening whilst doing some more garage cleanout- I discovered some of my old excess Anti-depressants. I found a nearly full bottle of Celexa, and a 1/4 bottle of Lexapro. Part of me wanted to scream bloody murder. Part of me wanted to take some to feel better again. 

 

They all went into the trash instead.  In amongst all I rediscover that I'd had a scrpt for Promethazine. Now reading up on it- I find it's also another one of those drugs that I should never have even been allowed to see.

 

This crap just gets deeper and deeper.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

Link to comment

Daytime stressors: My worrying about getting a loan for a house repair. How long it'll be to pay for it, and what will happen to cause even more expense during that period. My mother's planned visit in a couple of weeks. My Daughter's impaired health. My Jealousy of more active co-workers. My lack of interest in hobbies. My never having any fundage for fun things I'd prefer to do. And even if I did have it- I'd not be too terribly inclined to pursue them.

 

I ate a banana, and it made me sleepy. I napped at work. For what it's worth- I'm not on edge like I have been. My blood pressure seems to have lowered a bit. It's not shaking my body like it was last night. I'm not experiencing much in the way of skin burn or tingles. But things don't seem quite so funny right now. 

Reviewing my history- Withdrawal- 8 months or 2 years?  8 months since jump off of Celexa. 2 years since my C/T jump then reinstatement hell. 

 

First half of night last night- slept fairly well. Second half of night- return of C/S for sure. Just like old times before I started mucking about with Aspirin in an effort to reduce my Cortisol. I imagine that this won't last either. 

03/30/15

All in all a pretty decent weekend. I got to enjoy some yard chores, and I learned the importance of wearing appropriate leg wear when using a weed-eater (ouch!!!). 
I had a healthy appetite. I slept well, and more or less felt refreshed in the morning. I had some grumpy times, I had some not so grumpy times.  I look forwards towards a more normal life.
 
 

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

Link to comment

I'm still waiting for that 'more normal life' a year on.

 

It's  a sunny dry warm spring day. And I've got anhedonia. I remember a time about 3 years ago I'd have used this as an excuse to go driving around some of the more outlying sites. 

I just helped with a cargo delivery and the driver was banging away with her liftgate- it drove my anxiety up. 

 

When?  When will I become more normal?  

I try to extend empathy to others here on SA. And I still try to help out on BB. But I find folks at work seem to be treating me like I'm made of glass. I guess the meltdowns around them didn't help.  The Daily Struggle- trying to accept where I'm at.  

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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An agonist is a chemical that binds to a receptor and activates the receptor to produce a biological response. Whereas an agonist causes an action, an antagonist blocks the action of the agonist and aninverse agonist causes an action opposite to that of the agonist.

Benzos are Gaba A Receptor Agonists.  Their effect is often sedation.

Gaba Receptor Antagonists/ are drugs that inhibit the action of Gaba. Their effect is often stimulation.

 

In order for GABAA receptors to be sensitive to the action of benzodiazepines they need to contain an α and a γ subunit, between which the benzodiazepine binds. Once bound, the benzodiazepine locks the GABAA receptor into a conformation where the neurotransmitter GABA has much higher affinity for the GABAA receptor, increasing the frequency of opening of the associated chloride ion channel and hyperpolarising the membrane. This potentiates the inhibitory effect of the available GABA leading to sedative and anxiolytic effects.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GABAA_receptor

 

Taurine is a Gaba Receptor Activator. Taurine is a potent activator of extrasynaptic GABA(A) receptors in the thalamus

http://www.wellnessresources.com/studies/taurine_activates_gaba_receptors/

 

SSRI's attach to Gaba B Receptors http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3012402/

SSRI's are neither agonist nor antagonist exactly: So what is the difference? Both antagonists and agonists act on the post-synaptic neuron.  Antagonists and agonists will "pretend" to be serotonin and engage the 5-HT receptors. (5-HT reuptakes serotonin)  

The agonist will activate the receptor as serotonin would and the antagonist will not activate the receptor but will block serotonin from from acting on the receptor. https://www.quora.com/Is-an-SSRI-a-serotonin-agonist-or-antagonist

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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I'm still waiting for that 'more normal life' a year on.

 

It's  a sunny dry warm spring day. And I've got anhedonia. I remember a time about 3 years ago I'd have used this as an excuse to go driving around some of the more outlying sites. 

I just helped with a cargo delivery and the driver was banging away with her liftgate- it drove my anxiety up. 

 

When?  When will I become more normal?  

I try to extend empathy to others here on SA. And I still try to help out on BB. But I find folks at work seem to be treating me like I'm made of glass. I guess the meltdowns around them didn't help.  The Daily Struggle- trying to accept where I'm at.  

What's the point of all this? This time- about a year ago was when I last felt half way 'normal'. I'd gotten 2 months off of my benzo and I was enjoying life to some extent.

 

I realize now that I should've tapered much more slowly on the Celexa.  The whole 10% of the previous dose and then hold until I felt better. 20/20 Hindsight. 

I'm in the 9th month of my too rapid taper (TRT?). And I think about what I could've done quite often. Perhaps too often.

 

But you see, the Psych Nurse that gave me my Benzo Taper plan, that worked more or less well, was also the one who gave me the Anti-D taper plan.  So....naturally...I'd thought that since I'd done so very well with my Benzo W/D...

She Got Me. I've been Had.  And the Medicos are so very good at doing that.

 

And I think one of my biggest objections to reinstating: in addition to cessation of symptoms- I also get the obsessive B.S. as well. Or as I think of it- The Stupids.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Yesterday after work I took an old friend out to dinner at a Korean restaurant. (Noodle Bowl). She's been having a really tough time of late. (Her husband has cancer, and it's aggressive). She helped me through some dark days, so I try to do what I can for her.  And apparently the way they cook the food there- doesn't trigger her colitis.  So, she had a couple of hours to get away from her troubles. :)

 

I've decided to hold off taking a second dose (of Taurine) during the day for now. As I do seem to be getting sleepy a couple hours after taking one.

I now think that the stuff is indeed stimulating at first- which is why Monday I was so buzzed, and Tuesday less so. Yesterday was a bit of a downer. Last night something out of the ordinary happened during my sleep. But I cannot quite put my finger on it. The usual wake up two hours before get up time and stare at the ceiling for an hour. Afterwards I dozed so much this morning that I came close to over sleeping. 

 

My skin burn is almost imperceptible at this time.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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That which I couldn't quite put my finger on?

 

C/S in the night. They seem to have either alleviated, or been scaled back something fierce.   Result- my sleep is much improved. :)

 

The other symptoms seem to have shifted in response. My skin burn seems to have dialed back to the point that it's nearly not noticeable if at all. Morning anxiety has returned in small spurts, and likes to start up in the wee hours. But it's still at a manageable level. 

It's only two nights. But that's two nights of NO Cortisol Surges. I'm not calling this a window- because I still have many other symptoms. Two nights of significantly improved sleep.  Yesterday I drove out to Newport to assist some cooworkers. I had some fish and chips (fresh halibut).  But probably too much salt on the chips. As my blood pressure simply wouldn't drop until late last night. I still wake up multiple times during the night, but I still desire to sleep in, in the morning- something I will do tomorrow. And something I intend to indulge in a bit more on my vacation the week after next.

 

This morning- cloudy urine again, that smelled of halibut.

 

So- the changes I've instituted: Taurine (500mg) 1x day. Fish oil (1,000 mg) 2x day. Vitamin C (1,000 mg) 2x day. B- stress formula tab 2x day. (The B-vitamin stress formula is different from the B-Complex in that it contains B5 and significantly more B6. Both of which is recommended for stress- and not getting adequate sleep qualifies IMHO). Vitamin D 4,000 IU 1xday. A Magnesium/Calcium/Zinc tab 2x day.  Daily exercise either aerobic or weight lifting. I've eliminated coffee, reduced sugar significantly, and I've taken to reducing but not eliminating salt. Apparently too much salt in one's diet can also lead to excessive cortisol - in a vicious cycle. A Happy Light use every morning upon awakening.

My hopes involve that the Taurine has helped in the C/S. And I think I'm going to avoid upping the dosage for now.  I don't want it to suddenly stop working. 

 

Wish me luck.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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R.C.    Two nights of no  C/S   !   :)      Therefore - improved sleep .   I would at least call this a  "  mini - window  "  !  LOL.    I hope it keeps up for you .  

Ali 

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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3rd night of no C/S. I did not recall seeing the clock read 2 this time.  Definitely a good change.  A bit of anxiety in me after sleeping in, I've always have had that, though today it felt a bit more intense. Last night I also felt some hunger pangs. My appetite has increased a bit more.  Not quite so inclined to force myself to eat in the morning upon arising.

 

I have been worrying about the future, but not the debilitating level it has been for the last 6 months.  Though I am finding myself angry with life. And the Big Pharma/Medical profession.  And Murphy.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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4th night of no C/S.  It's good to get a halfway decent night's sleep for a change.  Naturally I've been working on catching up on chores that have gone to the wayside the last couple of years.

 

It was tempting to drink some coffee this morning with breakfast- but I held off.  That will only be tested a couple of months along.

 

I do have some morning anxiety in between falling asleep- but all in all, it's neither long lasting nor too terribly intense. I do find myself a bit sensitized at times.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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5th night of no C/S. I came close to oversleeping this morning.  which may be due to all of the chores I've been working on catching up on yesterday. I've got a bed load of tree limbs that will be going to the county dump after work.  Including some wood chunks from 10 years ago.  It's nice to have some energy. All those chores, some aerobic exercise, grocery shopping, breakfast out with the wife, and taking the kid to a flea market.

 

How nice it is to not feel like a zombie due to a lack of sleep.

 

I did have a small surge of anxiety about 4 minutes ago.

 

Quite the improvement. 

 

I look forward towards next week- vacation time!

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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6th night of no C/S.

I did have a wee bit of a nightmare issue last night. And I'm still getting a bit of anxiety/depression in the morning. But all in all, I find myself getting a decent night's sleep so far. About the only problem I've encountered: Sleep Deficit. I've run up a major one. Luckily I will be on vacation next week- so that I can do something about it. I'm getting caught up with the house chores for the first time in 2 years, and I've noticed that no few tasks don't seem quite so overwhelming as they did before.

Additionally- my Lumosity Brain Training scores seem to be mostly improving. My hand/eye coordination still needs work.  

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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7th night of no C/S. Though I am getting a bit of morning anxiety along about 2:30 in the morning. Which makes it difficult to sleep.  The previous morning I woke up mildly refreshed.  Today- not so much. I did have a wee bit too much in the salt department with dinner last night. So I'll be cutting back on that tonight and see what happens.

Last two nights- cloudy urine at night.

This morning- I feel a wee bit out of sorts- a mild bit of trepidation. But I also realize that 2:30 in the morning is approximately 22 hours after my morning dose of Taurine- mayhap I'll need to take a dose after dinner as well. I'll see what the next couple of days brings before I take that step.

 

Yesterday- during meditation- I didn't fall asleep like I've been doing regularly for I don't know how long.

 

As I type this- I'm under my happy light. And I'm feeling- unusual. It's difficult to describe. I 'might' be anxious. It's hard to pin down what I'm feeling.

But I have to remind myself- that the daytime problems didn't go away completely on the Taurine. I was just hoping to take care of the sleep issues from the C/S.

This may be the C/S trying to fight it's way back up from the depths. My body has proven itself to be VERY contrary.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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It's been a couple of hours. I did feel a wee bit of anxiety on the drive over here to work. But it appears that my Taurine has kicked in. Trepidation is gone. I don't like it, but it appears that i'll have to take another dose in the late afternoon/evening to avoid a repeat of the early morning hours.

 

And to be fair- I have increased the amount of activity during the day the last few days. I've been using the window to get as much done as I can before the next wave. Though like everyone else- I don't want this to end. 

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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The end of the day- I'm tired. I don't think  I"m gonna push myself doing a work out with weight training. I did push myself driving today- over 200 miles. I did pull over and take a nap of a sorts. It was either that or not drive due to the slight dizziness I felt today. I felt better after the nap. And was able to drive the remainder.

 

I'm gonna hold off taking a Taurine tonight. Because this day has been weird in so many ways. I've been getting anxiety attacks, that last all of 5 minutes. About 5 or 6 of them today. My skin got itchy at times. And edema in my lower legs has come and gone.  I've been hungry almost the entire day. I've had a bit of a salt craving, but it's something that I've only lightly indulged in. Not the handfuls of pretzels or saltines I'd normally do. Urinating has been either 'hollow leg' or nervous bladder. A twenty second bout of heart palpitations- and then nothing. I've had myclonic whole body jerks when I took a nap or falling asleep the last couple of days. But not restless leg, or restless leg energy at bed time. This morning I did have a bit (at work)- but it went away. I had a bout or two of hypotension as well. 

 

It's almost as if the body is determined to punish me for this window, a window I'm determined to keep going. I have to remember that no matter how good I feel- I'm still recovering.

 

Increasing the dose of Taurine is something I don't want to do if I can avoid it. I'm going to wait and see what tonight brings and go from there.

 

I will reinstate drinking some chamomille tea before bed- something I didn't do the last couple of nights.

 

All in all- the 'usual' symptoms seem to have been shifted. If I had to make a guess- the story of comparing a healing brain to a 9/11 building being reconstructed and still open for business as usual comes to mind.  The brain has been putting in some new elevator shafts.

 

Taurine,  unlike a beta blocker or an antidepressant- is something the body needs.  Why do they call it a 'nonessential' amino acid is beyond me.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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I am SOOOO going to take an evening dose tonight. Most of the night- my sleep was ....fair. But two hours before getting up- insomnia with energy. Not the 'get up and go' energy of being rested, no noes. It's the- 'feels like C/S' background energy.  Even so- I still manage to surf/doze occasionally during those two hours. A minute or so worth of dream time, apparent after the fact. But nowhere near long enough to be satisfying.  I hate to do this, but damn it! I need some sleep. Why does our body push back against our needs?

In between the allergy and what's going on with the fatigue- I'd almost say I've got a cold or something.  But like Benzo withdrawal, A/D withdrawals make it difficult to be sure.  One weird symptom- my cheek muscles are sore. It's like I overworked my cheek muscles by smiling or some such weird thing. But the way I've been feeling for the last couple of years- it's plausible. The whole 'face would crack' if I smiled...

Taking note of other symptoms- I've definitely got some skin burn going on in my arms. It feels like a sunburn exposed to the sun. I'd say the happy light has something to do with that- except where it burns is under the shirt sleeve.

Today and tomorrow- then vacation begins. I'm sure something will happen to keep me from enjoying life then.  Last week, tires on my car were replaced and they found some brake problems. $$$. This week the wife finds some brake problems on her car. $$$.  Can't win for losing.

 

Before time off- vacation plans: let's spend a night on the coast, see some tourist traps. Getting close to vacation- day trip to coast. At vacation- reminisce of past coast trips when we had money.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Anxiety level- almost nonexistent. Occasional spurts. 

 

Strangely enough- this is annoying. Because what I was working for was the improvement in sleep. I did get it for a bit. Now I have the C/S return. I mean c'mon. WHY does the body have to be so darned contrary? Give me adequate sleep and I can put up with just about anything.  But NO!

 

Yes the C/S is at a lower level, but still. I'd have prefer it go away completely. It's like the body resists healing. 

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Last night's Chamomille tea- didn't seem to do much if anything.  6-7 days- max. For any window. I mean- c'mon here!  I read of other folks who have been getting worse who have been on far higher doses getting more relief!  i've had myself fall asleep a couple of times this morning.  I still have some anxiety, and some skin burn. But everything is muted.

 

I noticed that during the rereading of my posts for the last couple of weeks that Taurine seems to be making me sleepy in the morning (after I take it). Well since it's gonna do that for about 6-7 hours I may as well let it do so at night before bed.  And see what happens if i don't take a morning dose. 

 

2 years. That's what apparently the minimum most folks at my experience of W/D and time on SSRI's can expect to maybe see significant improvements.  Some how, some way I'm going to have to figure out a way to get through it. For me that means 15 more months.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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