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☼ Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right


Happy2Heal

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1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

keep going, even when it seems very hard and hopeless because it is NOT, it's just your messed up recovering brain telling you and making you feel like things are bad and always will be

They may not be great for you right now but they ARE getting better

This is awesome....thank you, H2H.  I am so happy for you that you keep progressing in unexpected ways!  :) 

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg

 

 

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  • Mentor

some good books to check out

 

Above my Head by Claudia L Osborn

 

A doctor's own story of head injury from the inside looking out

 

 

I picked this book up off the free book shelf at my local grocery store and I'm glad I did. while we are not technically head/brain injured, much of what this woman went thru after being hit by a car while riding her bike, is so incredibly similar to a lot of the symptoms we have going thru withdrawal.

There are times when I literally laughed out loud. Not that there's anything funny about a brain injury, but because there were things that I'd done too (like, checking to see if you really did remember to put clothes on before going out) 

This book should have made some best seller list somewhere but apparently has not. 😕

She's got a lot  to say about acceptance too.

Unlike us going thru withdrawal (we hope, at least) she had some permanent damage, while recovering in many ways. She was never able to practice medicine again. 
You will likely see yourself in much of what she goes thru, and relate to a lot of her frustration with others who don't  understand what it's really truly like (but who think they do)

 

 

Another good book deals with perceptions about the world and why we get so much wrong, how we need to update our worldview from what we learned in school, and how to combat the very  human ways we see and react to things that skew our perception of reality.

It's a new book called Factfulness by Hans Rosling. Just writing his name I am getting choked up because I had not read the book jacket before reading the book and did not know til the very end that the author had passed away while working on this book (it has co authors)

I came to be very fond of him and his gentle and non judgemental manner while reading this amazing book, so when I read that he'd gotten pancreatic cancer and died, I burst into tears. I'm glad I wasn't reading this one on the bus!!

 

There's a lot in this book that's helpful regardless if you care about the state of the entire world, so I highly recommend it.
The sub title is "Ten reasons we're wrong about the world, and why things are better than you think"
 

so now you see why I was interested!! anyone who says things are better than we think...!

the author says he is not an optimist, in fact the only place where he comes across as harsh is when he condemns optimism as being unrealistic (I don't believe it is, but I see why he tries to distance himself from that term- most think it's like looking at the world thru rose colored glasses and his main points are about seeing things as they REALLY are. He calls himself a possiblist, a term he made up.)


check it out! it's awesome. I may end up buying a copy for myself at some point (second hand, when the prices come down- it's a very new book so the prices are high now) if your library doesn't have it, suggest that they buy it. My library didn't have it and after reading about it, they decided it was something they needed in their collection!


I also requested another book they don't yet have but will buy, called Food is the Solution. I haven't gotten that one yet but I'll let you know what I think once I do.

 

 

I've gotten some crappy books too, one on Ayerveda that is very pretty but since it has so much emphasis on lentils and I hate lentils, I'll be getting rid of that one LOL

 

I have something else to say about being drugged vs being off the drugs but I"m going to put that in a different post.. um later, cuz I gotta get out and get some groceries

 

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Mentor

are you over 50 and want to help get the message out that AD WD is real and can be awful and needs to be taken seriously?

please see my post here: 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Mentor

ok so today was actually not a good day but I honestly don't know if it has/had anything to do with WD/recovery or not


I tried to do a good thing for a friend and it did not turn out the way we had hoped, she was in tears and there was no way for me to "fix" things for her.

 

 

then I wanted to console another friend who suffered two losses recently and  *I* ended up in tears and not much use to that friend either.

 

It was an emotional day. I felt pretty useless and like an all-around failure as a friend.

😕

 

but were my emotions "normal" or neuro emotions??

It makes no sense for me to try to compare now, being off all psych meds for the first time in decades, to who I was before I was on psych meds because I was only freakin 18 yrs old!!!
I was a totally different person then, I was a teenager. Teenagers are usually pretty emotional.

 

so, idk.

how do you tell if your emotions are um,  "normal" or in the normal range? is there really even such a thing as "normal" ?

 

I did have a hard time calming down when I got angry at the person who messed up the nice thing I was trying to do for the friend, but how easy or hard "should" it be? If you're angry, doesn't it make sense that you'd need some time to cool off?

 

I didn't get into any kind of emotional spiral, at least.

 

meh.

Mumma said there'd be days like this, right? :P

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Moderator Emeritus

I guess the real question, H2H, is why does it matter?  You are feeling whatever emotions you are feeling.  If you don't like them and want to blame them on the drugs, if that helps you then go for it.  If they tie to issues you feel the need to deal with then address them, neuro or otherwise.

 

I think we spend too much time wrapped up in trying to figure out what is from the drugs and what is not.  I know I do.  And I think at times it can be really counterproductive and "interrupt" trying to live normally.

 

You had a rough day and that was upsetting.  That seems pretty normal to me and something that most people, with or without meds, would experience.

 

I'd leave it at that and continue to move forward as spectacularly as you have been.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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  • Mentor

great points and excellent advice Andy, thank you!

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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Avoiding the emotional spiral is very encouraging, Happy.  That is a big deal for me.  

 

Getting angry is one of those issues that bothers me a great deal.  I think that, in general, women are expected to swallow their anger.  Of course, that often causes some form of "depression."  It's okay to be angry, and it's OK to take a while to calm down.

 

As for trying to help your friends and "failing," the only requirement is that you try!  Success is not required.  Your friends will remember that you were there for them not whether your plans turned out.  Having someone to cry with is sometimes all that is needed.  

 

I doubt there is any "normal" level of anger or grief.    Our insecurity that we are not experiencing or displaying "normal" emotions is something many people try to use to earn a profit.   I suppose it's possible that the fact that you aren't sure whether your emotions were normal could mean that there are!!  But I understand why you might feel that you never reached a point in your life when you felt you had emerged from being an emotional teenager.  That's true for me, too, but I was 28 when I started Celexa.  Some people are more emotional than others, and some people show more emotion than others.  Emotional people may make those who aren't uncomfortable, but that fact doesn't determine whose emotions are normal!  I have a strong feeling that this horrible process we are suffering through will make us more capable of controlling our emotions.  I hope it also helps us realize that it's ok to have strong emotions, too, without apologizing to everyone else.  There is a time and a place for emotion, but for every culture the times and places are different!  It's an age old theme in literature about the clash of cultures.  It's also the case that culture does not have the privilege of telling us what to think or feel, but these days of culture wars a lot of people seem to want to dictate to us how to feel via psychiatry.  

 

So, I'm back to this:. You avoided the emotional spiral that results in despair and anxiety.  That's really what I hope WD will "teach" me!

 

Peace, Rosetta

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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  • Mentor

thank you so much for your reply and insights Rosetta! Very helpful!

 

I am not comfortable getting angry, in my life, ppl who got angry often acted out, or got violent, and I think I learned to fear anger as a destructive force. 

 

hmm, I think one reason I'm focused on if I"m still having WD/recovery symptoms or not is that I just can't seem to fully believe my good fortune. It *seems* like I recovered quickly but I"ve forgotten that I've been trying to get off the lexapro since 2007 (the first time I tried) In  2013 I tried again and I believe I"ve been "de stabilized" ever since, so that's a long time to be in withdrawal! I went up and down in the dose a few times but the over all trend was towards getting off it for good.

 

and I"m finally here!

when I went off cold turkey in 2007, I had severe symptoms for 7 mos and finally couldn't stand it any longer and went back on.

 

this time I know what I"m dealing with. And now, my symptoms are gone and I think I"ve finally done it!
I'm free


I guess after trying for so long, I"m a bit hesitant to declare victory, so I think it's a good thing that SA has you wait a year before writing your success story.

 

I think I'm there though, I really do. and I"m so grateful and so happy about it.

:)

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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Hi H2H, 

 

Sorry you had a rough day.  I agree with Andy on this one.  I feel like it should not make a difference if it was neuro emotions or "normal" emotions.  This is you now and if you feel happy or sad and maybe you are a little more emotional because of WD so what?  We are human and we are designed to feel.  And since all of us have been through so much we are probably more sensitive, I know I am.  I also think that since I was on medication for such a long time all of my emotions were blunted and now since they are back it is hard to "regulate" them because I am not used to that, if I am making sense here.  

 

Do not be so hard on yourself.  You tried to be helpful to your friends, and that is all that matters.  

 

Wishing you a good weekend 

 

b.

 

 

04/10 Luvox 25 mg PM, Nortriptyline 1 mg PM

03/08/19: Buspar 2.5 mg AM, 5 mg PM

01/01/19: Xanax 0.125 AM 5 times a week. Occasionally, 0.125 twice a day AM & noon

12/18 Armour Thyroid 60 mg (for hypothyroidism) 

 

Supplements: B Complex, B12 (adeno), multi-vitamin, D, Adrenal Cortex, iron

  • Lexapro 20 mg 2007 - 2013 with various attempts to stop
  • 2013 found a new Dr and started trying other meds: Prozac, Notryptoline, Effexor, Buspar, Gabapentin, Paxil, Nardil
  • Lexapro 15 mg 2015 - 04/2016
  • Vibryiid 10 - 15mg 05/16-06/16 
  • NO MEDS 07/16 - 10/31/16
  • Reinstated 10/31/16 at 2.5 mg lexapro, increased to 5 mg   
  • 1/13/17 switched to Luvox 50 mg before bed
  • 1/20/17 Luvox 37.5 mg PM
  • 12/18 Luvox 10 mg PM, Nortriptyline 2 mg (started Nortriptyline 06/17 at 10 mg)
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  • Mentor
9 minutes ago, Blondiee1915 said:

I also think that since I was on medication for such a long time all of my emotions were blunted and now since they are back it is hard to "regulate" them because I am not used to that, if I am making sense here.  

ah yes you hit the nail on the head! I think this is what I might be concerned about

 

before all these drugs, I recall being a somewhat emotional person. Of course I was also young. lol 

but I do think that I would call myself a person with strong emotions, even now. and I think that now without the numbing, I need to either find a way to 'regulate' these feelings  OR just how to accept them, since I"m not really sure what 'regulate' means hahahaha. Just "deal with them" I guess LOL

it really doesn't matter the cause. you guys are right. 

 

I feel ok today, the friend I tried to help says she's not mad and the person who is grieving is busy and I'm just giving that person space. 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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all's well that ends well 😊

you're doing great!

xx

1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

I feel ok today, the friend I tried to help says she's not mad and the person who is grieving is busy and I'm just giving that person space. 

 

 

went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct  back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs.

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  • Mentor

thanks DS

 

OK I'm having a problem. I've assumed that it's part of the temp dysregulation but now I"m not so sure, partly because this problem is increasing in frequency and in severity.

 

I have episodes of facial flushing that often extends to my neck, chest and even my arms.

this happens mostly after eating and tends to be worse if I've eaten a high sugar and/or high fat food. 

there's no sweating, it's a dry flush.

 

It will now happen after just drinking water or eating regular food.


It happened while playing cards the other day and was esp bad- I was told that I didn't just turn red, I turned purple. I could feel that it was more intense than normal but I didn't take out a mirror to look :P

 

menopausal type hot flashes are not flushes, they come with sweating...

this is a hot dry flush.

 

I hate drs, truly hate them now, but I'm starting to wonder if I should get this checked out.
there are very few serious causes for facial flushing like this, but as it turns out, my dad had one of them: carcinoid cancer and the "carcinoid syndrome"

 

He had other symptoms that I don't have, which helps but not all carcinoids start in the same organ, so the symptoms vary depending on if it's in your lungs, gut, liver, etc.

 

He would have worse symptoms any time he ate spicy food or drank alcohol. It took about 4 yrs for him to be diagnosed and by then, it was too late to do much for him, it had spread. Started in the mediastinum and spread from there, as I recall.

 

anyway I doubt that I have carcinoid, but then, what if I do?

 

while all my other symptoms of WD are either totally gone or are incredibly mild, this flushing thing is getting worse.

 

for others who have had the temperature dysregulation, did you have any dry flushing?

 

it only seems to happen in response to eating or drinking. 😕

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment

Mmmm, well, of course get it checked out, but I do not always sweat when I have a hot flash.  I don't know if I turn purple.  It's pretty unlikely that both you and your dad would have the same cancer.  However, you should get tested.  I think it will turn out to be WD in the end because there are so many bizarre symptoms.  Have you looked on SA for any similar stories?  - R

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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  • Mentor
21 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

Mmmm, well, of course get it checked out, but I do not always sweat when I have a hot flash.  I don't know if I turn purple.  It's pretty unlikely that both you and your dad would have the same cancer.  However, you should get tested.  I think it will turn out to be WD in the end because there are so many bizarre symptoms.  Have you looked on SA for any similar stories?  - R

ooh thanks for letting me know that you don't always have  sweating with hot flashes!
I just did a stupid google search and it seemed to be saying that there's always sweating with menopausal stuff

:P

 

Carcinoid isn't too common but several of the oncologists said there there can be a genetic component... or not! the thing is, it's still considered relatively rare, BUT the families of ppl who have it, having been made aware of it and it's symptoms, could be more likely to press their dr to be tested for it. So they are now seeing multiple family members with it...

I was told that's it actually a very common cancer to find on autopsy,  that's what's rare is to have it cause symptoms, and spread and eventually kill you (it did cause my father's death, but he had 2 cancers, squamous lung cancer and the carcinoid) 

 

If I get one of the other common symptoms, then maybe I will get it checked out, but it's probably just hot flashes. (the test for carcinoid is long and not cheap)

 

gotta cut out the cake and cookies!! 

 

thanks so much for sharing about your hot flashes. 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Mentor

did some more research

 

now looking into maybe rosacea, which my identical twin sister has

 

and I found out that all of the B vitamins can cause a flare up in rosacea, including the one I just started taking about the time these flushes started getting bad: vit B12


I need the B12 but maybe I should take it less frequently. I started by taking it only on Sundays and then I upped it to 2 or 3 times a week

 

d'oh! why didn't I even think of that? I feel stupid now

 

I bet that's what it is. I'll cut back and see if that helps

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus
On 5/12/2018 at 8:40 AM, Happy2Heal said:

hmm, I think one reason I'm focused on if I"m still having WD/recovery symptoms or not is that I just can't seem to fully believe my good fortune. It *seems* like I recovered quickly but I"ve forgotten that I've been trying to get off the lexapro since 2007 (the first time I tried) In  2013 I tried again and I believe I"ve been "de stabilized" ever since, so that's a long time to be in withdrawal! 

 

I think I'm there though, I really do. and I"m so grateful and so happy about it.

:)

 

 

Happy2Heal, what a beautiful statement.

 

You know what it reminds me of? The idea of language learning (I read this somewhere--it's not my analogy): A person studies and studies, learning the language. Then when they are immersed in the language for a while, all of a sudden it seems that they are able to speak it overnight!

 

You have very much earned your healing and good fortune. I'm so glad you're sharing it with us. 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

Link to comment

Huh, that may be related to the niacin flush (Vit B 3).  I took Niacin early in WD, and my flushes were very, very intense.  They were red, burning and itching flushes.  I had to give up on it.  

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment
2 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

Huh, that may be related to the niacin flush (Vit B 3).  I took Niacin early in WD, and my flushes were very, very intense.  They were red, burning and itching flushes.  I had to give up on it.  

 

I experienced these last year, when I was still too sensitive.

 

Now I can take x2 / day high dose B12 etc., and not experience any flushes.

 

That means it DOES get better with time.

Dose History: 19 Feb 2014 - Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms faded. Held at this dose and experienced "windows and waves". 12 Oct 2017 Reduced dose to 1.25mg. 13 Mar 2018 Reduced dose to 0.625mg (approx.). 16 April 2018 0mg. Windows and waves triggered by stress (IBS/reflux, headaches, sinus issues) Aug 2019 Mirena coil fitted 6 Jan 2020 MAJOR Wave hit 19 months following last dose (protracted WD).  Symptoms listed below Mar 2020 Mirena coil removal.

Therapy: Nov 15th 2016 Re-started therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT Dec 2017 Started listening to Hypnotherapy CD (self-esteem). Nov 2019 Started couples therapy.

Supplements: "Bioglan" Biotic Balance Ultimate Flora 10 billion CFU, live Bacteria, Probiotic, suitable for Vegetarians, with Lactobacillus Acidophilus, Lactobacillus Rhamnosus, Bifidobacterium Longum"Pukka" Vitalise a unique blend of 30 energising botanicals.

Diet: 16 April 2018 Detox cleanse / anti-candida for 90 days. Jan 2020 Started "small plate" diet (i.e child size portions).

Exercise: Stretching, Yoga, Pilates, Spinning, Elliptical/upper body workout, walking.

Medical Test Results: 4 Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 24 Feb 2017 Started weight loss program 24 Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment + anti-Candida diet started due to suspected Candida Related Complex (CRC). DETOXED for 7 weeks to "re-set" gut. April 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Comprehensive Stool Analysis NEGATIVE; Full Blood Count (Normal) / Blood Cholesterol: 5.6 (Borderline) / Blood Sugar (Normal) / 28 Jun 2017 FSH 8.2 / 14 Nov 2017 FSH 17.7 Dec 2017 Blood Cholesterol: 3.9 (Normal) / Kidney Function (Normal) / Blood Sugar (Normal). December 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Food panel allergy (bloodwork) analysis - a few "VERY LOW/VL" allergens; Mar 2018 "Genova Diagnostics" SIBO urine analysis: High Level of Yeast/fungal markers found in small intestine but NO SIBO.  April 2018 Thyroid (Normal) / Full Blood Count (Normal) / FSH (Normal). 16 April 2018 Started anti-Candida diet - 3 month protocol.   25 March 2020 All test results "Normal". CRP" 5 mg/L (normal range to 0-5 mg/L).

Symptoms:  Flu-like symptoms, anxiety, anhedonia, sinus headaches right-side (severe), IBS issues/reflux (severe)**, tinnitus, fatigue, inner tremor, nausea, chills/hot flushes, pounding heart, muscular issues including stiff left hip flexor, intense anger, PSSD (ongoing).  **Histhamine intolerance (suspected).

Major Life Events: 

Re-located to UK from Canada: Jan 2016

My father died: 5:05pm, Monday 5 Feb 2018 Last Lexapro dose: 16 April 2018 (its now been over a year since I quit ADs)  Moved house: Friday 23rd February 2018  "Divorced" toxic Mother: Monday 26 March 2018 Starting working again: 19 November 2018  Diagnosed with: 5th August 2021 PTSD/C-PTSD Diagnosed with: March 2022 Interstitial Cystitis (IC)/Painful bladder syndrome

Link to comment
  • Mentor

hmmm well it seems like maybe it was the B12, I stopped taking it and I haven't had a bad flush since

 

I am having night sweats though, but that seems more "normal" to me, I mean, it's probably real hormonal post-menopausal stuff. My mom had a long period of hormonal imbalance after menopause so maybe it's genetic.

 

at any rate, I guess I had a couple of days of health anxiety there, being worried about cancer- that kind of stuff rarely crosses my mind.

 

but it's all in the past now!

 

I did something wild and crazy!! I bought a bike!  single speed with coaster brakes, like I used to have as a teen


I love it! I just took it out for a ride this morning on the rail trail. I"ll never ride in the street, there's too much traffic in the city and it's really not that kind of bike, it's a cruising bike, they call it. Fat tires, heavy bike, made for things like paved trails.

 

I woke up around 5:30 all excited, and jumped out of bed, had tea and set off before 6 am



I did ride the bike down the sidewalk cuz there was literally no one out, and coasted down a steep hill, oh what fun!!

Then I rode on the trail for about 35-40 mins and walked back (all up hill, that was the hard part, hahahaha)

In spite of walking a lot, my legs were not nearly as strong as I expected them to  be, I really had a hard time pedalling up even the smallest incline.

 

but I loved it!
can't wait to go back but it's supposed to rain tomorrow, but hopefully Sunday will be good

 

I haven't ridden  a bike since I was maybe 15-16 yrs old and I am now 62

I'd say that I feel like a kid again if it weren't for how sore my legs are LOL

 

I need to get  a few things for it, a holder for a water bottle (didn't expect to get so thirsty!!) and a bell, and um, maybe a lock although I don't see anyone stealing it, it's a heavy bike in bright purple, rose and pink LOL 

and I'm being urged to get a helmet but I dont' think I"ll ever wear it so.......

Oh and I"ll need a little pouch to carry stuff in, and a bike pump in case I need air in the tires

 

what else...? It's been decades since I've had a bike, I don't even know

lol

 

I feel like a totally different person in so many respects.  some days I miss the comfort and familiarity of the "old me" but then I remember how limited my life was, as that past version of myself and I try to embrace all the changes, even the uncomfortable ones.

 

:)

:)

:)

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment

Yay! H2H, I always think its a big "win" if we find something that gives us joy.

 

The more you go out on your bike, the stronger your legs will get, so stick at it!

 

TC,

JC xx

Dose History: 19 Feb 2014 - Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms faded. Held at this dose and experienced "windows and waves". 12 Oct 2017 Reduced dose to 1.25mg. 13 Mar 2018 Reduced dose to 0.625mg (approx.). 16 April 2018 0mg. Windows and waves triggered by stress (IBS/reflux, headaches, sinus issues) Aug 2019 Mirena coil fitted 6 Jan 2020 MAJOR Wave hit 19 months following last dose (protracted WD).  Symptoms listed below Mar 2020 Mirena coil removal.

Therapy: Nov 15th 2016 Re-started therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT Dec 2017 Started listening to Hypnotherapy CD (self-esteem). Nov 2019 Started couples therapy.

Supplements: "Bioglan" Biotic Balance Ultimate Flora 10 billion CFU, live Bacteria, Probiotic, suitable for Vegetarians, with Lactobacillus Acidophilus, Lactobacillus Rhamnosus, Bifidobacterium Longum"Pukka" Vitalise a unique blend of 30 energising botanicals.

Diet: 16 April 2018 Detox cleanse / anti-candida for 90 days. Jan 2020 Started "small plate" diet (i.e child size portions).

Exercise: Stretching, Yoga, Pilates, Spinning, Elliptical/upper body workout, walking.

Medical Test Results: 4 Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 24 Feb 2017 Started weight loss program 24 Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment + anti-Candida diet started due to suspected Candida Related Complex (CRC). DETOXED for 7 weeks to "re-set" gut. April 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Comprehensive Stool Analysis NEGATIVE; Full Blood Count (Normal) / Blood Cholesterol: 5.6 (Borderline) / Blood Sugar (Normal) / 28 Jun 2017 FSH 8.2 / 14 Nov 2017 FSH 17.7 Dec 2017 Blood Cholesterol: 3.9 (Normal) / Kidney Function (Normal) / Blood Sugar (Normal). December 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Food panel allergy (bloodwork) analysis - a few "VERY LOW/VL" allergens; Mar 2018 "Genova Diagnostics" SIBO urine analysis: High Level of Yeast/fungal markers found in small intestine but NO SIBO.  April 2018 Thyroid (Normal) / Full Blood Count (Normal) / FSH (Normal). 16 April 2018 Started anti-Candida diet - 3 month protocol.   25 March 2020 All test results "Normal". CRP" 5 mg/L (normal range to 0-5 mg/L).

Symptoms:  Flu-like symptoms, anxiety, anhedonia, sinus headaches right-side (severe), IBS issues/reflux (severe)**, tinnitus, fatigue, inner tremor, nausea, chills/hot flushes, pounding heart, muscular issues including stiff left hip flexor, intense anger, PSSD (ongoing).  **Histhamine intolerance (suspected).

Major Life Events: 

Re-located to UK from Canada: Jan 2016

My father died: 5:05pm, Monday 5 Feb 2018 Last Lexapro dose: 16 April 2018 (its now been over a year since I quit ADs)  Moved house: Friday 23rd February 2018  "Divorced" toxic Mother: Monday 26 March 2018 Starting working again: 19 November 2018  Diagnosed with: 5th August 2021 PTSD/C-PTSD Diagnosed with: March 2022 Interstitial Cystitis (IC)/Painful bladder syndrome

Link to comment

So happy you are continuing to enjoy life, despite some (minor) setbacks.  Keep on going!

PAST

Gabapentin:  about 6 months in 2015, 300-900 mg, cold turkeyed Sept 2015 (at same time dc'd Klonopin)

Klonopin: June 2014- Sept 2015; 1mg tapered over 6 mths, dc'd at 0.25mg, withdrawal hellish (perhaps because of concurrent dc of gabapentin)

Mirtazepine: Jumped off at 2.4 mg. (stable in 8 months).

Seroquel:  June 14 - July 24, 2016, 25 mg alternate nights; smaller doses for shorter periods. Total use about 3 months 

Lamictal: March 19, 2018 - 1 mg; March 23 - 1.25 mg; April 6 - 2mg. Discontinued at 2 mgJuly 1, 2018 due to Steven Johnson Syndrome.

 

CURRENT

Supplements: Vit D, turmeric

Naturethroid: 65 mcg for hypothyroidism

Trazodone: Oct 2015 - June 2016; 75 mg tapered over 2 mths, intense w/d after 3 weeks. Reinstatement: 07/25/16 - 25 mg; updosed 08/03/16 - 50 mg;  10/01/16-  62mg; 03/24/17 dropped to 50 mg (stable in 2.5 months)

                           Current psych meds: Trazodone 50 mg

Link to comment
  • Mentor
On 5/18/2018 at 7:38 AM, Junglechicken said:

The more you go out on your bike, the stronger your legs will get, so stick at it!

thanks JC
I sure hope that's true. I didn't have any pain, even though I was sure I'd be hurting the next day

nope, I was fine

whew!!

been raining so I won't get to go out again til maybe tomorrow

I"m going to need to get some accessories like a thing to hold a water bottle and um, a pump and maybe a bell and some sort of pouch to put stuff in (keys, phone, snacks lol)

I want to try going a bit further next time

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Mentor
On 5/18/2018 at 8:50 AM, Survivor1 said:

So happy you are continuing to enjoy life, despite some (minor) setbacks.  Keep on going!

thanks

how have you been?

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Mentor

I thought I had a wave the other day, I woke up with this feeling of dread like I used to get and just didn't want to be home alone and felt crappy.........

 

but! I talked to my sister later in the day and she felt exactly the same way, and she's NOT going thru WD

 

we recently lost some relatives, not close ones, mind you but one was near our age and that makes you more aware of your mortality...

so I guess that's what put us in that funk

 

it's odd sometimes to realize that the stuff you go thru during WD/recovery can be so similar to just 'normal' emotional ups and downs of life.

 

It scares me, as it probably does most of us, when I have those feelings because I don't want to have that long term mass of symptoms that I went thru in the past, and I worry if I might go back 'there'....  it's hard not to worry

 

But I have to remind myself that awful feelings, whether from a wave or just "life", they are all temporary and I know ways to get thru this stuff

 

just acknowledge, accept and float thru the icky parts, or distract, or do whatever works...

 

I feel a lot better now but most of yesterday was crappy until I got together with friends to play Bingo.

so yeh, one day of feeling crappy, nothing to fret about!!

 

I got spoiled I guess. The whole deal with being off the meds so that I can FEEL again is that I have to take the bad with the good, and the neutral and everything in between!!

 

:)

 

right?

right!

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment

As always, you keep refilling my hope, H2H!  Thank you!!! - Rosetta

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...
  • Mentor

ok quick update-

basically life is good! 

 

I think if I look for it very hard, I can see that I *might* be having super mini and super short "waves"...

OR  it may be a PTSD type reaction

 

something will trigger a memory of last year when things were not nearly as good as they are now, and I will feel like I am back there. I think that's mostly what it is. Just a short lived "icky" feeling I don't like

 

overall, however, I feel better than I have for the majority of my life previous to now! it's amazing.

I am healthier both physically and emotionally and also now socially active, which is a  huge change for me

 

yep, as most of my tshirts say, LIFE IS GOOD (it's a brand of tshirt with happy sayings on them)
:)
:)
:)

 

hope this finds everyone well and healing as quickly as your body will allow

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
3 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

ok quick update-

basically life is good! 

 

I think if I look for it very hard, I can see that I *might* be having super mini and super short "waves"...

OR  it may be a PTSD type reaction

 

something will trigger a memory of last year when things were not nearly as good as they are now, and I will feel like I am back there. I think that's mostly what it is. Just a short lived "icky" feeling I don't like

 

overall, however, I feel better than I have for the majority of my life previous to now! it's amazing.

I am healthier both physically and emotionally and also now socially active, which is a  huge change for me

 

yep, as most of my tshirts say, LIFE IS GOOD (it's a brand of tshirt with happy sayings on them)
:)
:)
:)

 

hope this finds everyone well and healing as quickly as your body will allow

 

 

fantastic update, well done!

2001 - 2005 prozac,  2001 - 2017 various benzos, mainly diazapem and zanex,  2002 - 2017 olanzapine or seroquel,  2002 -2017 propanolol, 2005 - 2009 venlafaxine 75mg , forced to go cold turkey off venlafaxine as moved Thailand, doctor cut me off and couldn't get it there, severely ill for over 2 years, countered withdrawals with more zanex and seroquel

2014 returned to UK, mainly to get treatment getting off meds

doctor advised to taper seroquel over a few weeks, severely ill and bed bed-bound so reinstated it, 2015 tapered seroquel myself slower over a few months, was off it 2 months and was too ill so went on olanzapine, became zombie and too tired to get out of bed, went back on seroquel, very depressed so went back on venlafaxine, didnt work  so doctor swapped to zoloft became very agitated so back on venlafaxine

June 2016 - felt strong enough to begin tapering again, started what I thought was a slow taper of all meds,  2016 July Not had any alcoholic drink since this date, 

2016 October completely off diazepem, 2017 Feb completely off seroquel, 2017 March completely off proponanlol, 2017 April (day before birthday) completely off venlafaxine, OFF ALL MEDS 11/4/2017, was fine for nearly 3 months and then delayed withdrawal hit,

supplements taking: turmeric capsules, NiaCel (nicotinamide riboside), Vit B12 sublingual, Vit B3, Vit B6, Vit B1, apple cider vinegar, manuka umf 10 honey, camu camu powder,  melatonin when needed, epsom salt baths, juices, smoothies, 

Intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15175-dj2010-off-all-meds-for-3-months-and-been-fine-now-bad-insomnia/

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  • Mentor

thanks DJ

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment

Awesome to hear that! - R

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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So happy for you happy !

 

enjoy 😎😎

 

John 

John

Zoloft 2001-2003 forget MG's taken, tapered slowly (so I thought) to 0MG in 2003

Withdrawal led me to go on Lexapro 2003

Lexapro 15MG (15 years) 2003-2018

Tapered to 5MG over the last year and 1/2 From 01-2017 thru 04-2018 in 2MG tapers roughly a month each some 2 months or more to stabilize 

5MG Pill  to 4ML/MG Liquid Solution on 03/26/18

04-26-2018 re-upped to 4.4 ML due to withdrawal symptoms

05-06-2018 re-upped to 4.8ML due to withdrawal symptoms

05-07-2018 went to 5MG pill

 

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  • Mentor

thanks guys!!

I do feel like, even though I have nearly no symptoms, that my brain is still working on getting back to it's pre drugged state

 

also, I've made a lot of changes to my diet and lifestyle so that I am now quite literally healthier than I've even been before in my life.

It's amazing what a decent diet can do for you!!

 

just as I'll never go back on drugs of any kind ("medications") I won't go back to the junk food, sugar, fat and processed foods either.

 

esp since I realize now that the symptoms for which I was originally medicated were almost all due to an extremely poor diet.

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment

That's so true!  A poor diet is the main issue. I'm really happy you have made the change.  Can you share with us what you eat?

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

Link to comment
  • Mentor
34 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

That's so true!  A poor diet is the main issue. I'm really happy you have made the change.  Can you share with us what you eat?

 

sure, but I have to add that while I was in active recovery, I did need to eat a bit differently than I do now. I did seem to "need" to eat some fish and meat. I don't eat any now.

I was losing wt so fast I could eat some very high calorie foods including some high fat foods and still the wt was just falling off me!

 

I've done hundreds of hours (not exaggerating here) of research on diet and nutrition over the past 4 to 5 yrs. and I keep perfecting my diet as I learn more and as I adjust to a healthier way of eating. Also new info on nutrition comes out daily in the medical literature (NOT the media, that's all garbage news)

 

My tastes changed gradually. I can't imagine eating NOW what I was eating even a year ago, my tastes have changed that much. What used to taste good to me would now taste horribly greasy.

 

so for right now I eat mostly vegetables (I eat more vegetables in a day than most ppl eat in a month, and that's not just because my diet is so good but  because theirs is so bad :( ) , some fruit esp berries (I've never been a big fruit eater). beans and other legumes (dried peas, chick peas etc) whole grains esp oatmeal and some rice or pasta, and some nuts and seeds. It's a very easy diet to follow. no measuring, no counting anything.

 

I mainly follow the guidelines for a diet developed by Dr Esselstyn to help prevent and reverse heart disease (I don't have heart disease but I also don't want to get it LOL)

 

the guidelines are:

no dairy of any kind, but non dairy milks are fine (soy, almond, rice, hemp milk, etc)

no eggs

no fish, no meat, no foul, no animal products of any kind

no OIL (this is hard, and this is new for me)

if you've got heart disease already: NO Nuts or avocados, you are allowed 2TBs of ground flax seeds or chia seeds per day, in fact it's recommended.I don't have heart disease so I do eat walnuts and all natural peanut butter (just peanuts, no oils or added salt or sugar) it's expensive but it's worth it cuz I love peanut butter LOL

 

no processed foods at all. (I have a hard time sticking to this, esp when out of the house)

no or low added salt and sugar (the Esselstyn diet allows small amnts maple syrup- which I find fascinating, since it's so sweet!)

 

try to keep fat to 12% of total calorie intake or less. There's fat in vegetables and beans, it's not a NO fat diet, that's impossible. The great thing about getting your fat intake that low is that you LOSE the craving for fat!! 

there's more than enough protein in this diet, in fact there's an epidemic of kidney disease now related to ppl eating far too much protein. 😕

Recent research shows that our bodies only use 3% protein (not sure if that's by wt or calories, I'll have to check) and the rest is wasted and can be  harmful!! 

 

I've gone on and off this diet (and the variations of it) enough to know, without a shadow of doubt, that I FEEL so much better the more I stick to the diet.
I also knew when I read about it, that it most likely had to be good for you, because it's based on some of the least favorite foods for most ppl LOL Vegetables? most ppl don't care for them. I'm lucky, I do like most of them. 

 



Before I started eating this way, I had IBS and GERD and non alcoholic fatty liver disease NAFLD)and all sorts of digestive issues.  I was obese and in pain and on tons of meds. high blood pressure pills, pain killers, allegy meds, PPIs, you name it, I was on it.

Now I take NO meds of any kinds (I just stopped all supplements too, I dont' need them, I get everything  I need from food)

I've reversed my fatty liver disease (something my dr said was impossible- boy was she wrong! & I have the ultra sounds to prove it! My liver is now NORMAL and so is all my blood work. it's awesome actually. yes I'm bragging LOL)

 

I've also been reading about the best diet to prevent alzheimers and as it turns out, there's a lot of overlap with the one I'm on now. I'm 62 and I do have a lot of issues with short term memory, not sure if that's age or WD/Recovery or possibly permanent brain damage (had 2 concussions and was on psych meds for ~40yrs)

 

OH dear, sorry! talk about a true believer, eh? 
guess this is probably a bit more than you needed to know, eh?

 

I may start writing what I eat daily on my thread as I'd like to track it a bit better and also to help keep me accountable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

H2H,

 

It's great that you are doing so well -- your healing has been an inspiration for many on the board, including me.

 

Since you have done hundreds of hours of research on diet, what I am about to say will not be news to you but will hopefully be useful for others.  What works for one person in terms of diet may not work nearly as well for another.  Your diet has a lot of healthy elements to it but there are many people who I respect a great deal (Mark Hyman comes to mind) who would go 180 degrees from Dr. Esselstyn with regard to his "virtually no fat" approach.  Their view is that healthy fats, like avocados and seeds and olive oil are an important part of a complete diet.  As I said, however, my belief is that each person has an ideal diet for them and only by trial and error, which you have been doing, can you find the "right" diet for you.  

 

I only want to post to make sure that people don't think that all fat should be vilified for all people.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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  • Mentor

oh hells yes Andy LOL

 I think the very low diet is mostly for people with confirmed heart disease, ppl who have had stents and coronary by pass and previous heart attacks, you know? they have probably been eating an enormous amount of fat for years and years and can't risk adding to their body's burden. 

& I think those are probably some of the only ppl who would even be motivated to keep their fat intake that low, to be honest. It's not easy to do! 


I want to keep mine down because I end up craving it, and I have found, thru trial and error, that the lower I get it, the less I crave it. there does seem to be a tipping point, at least for me. I was happy to hear that they seem to have it figured at around 12% but I do have to look up if that's by calories or what... :P

 

 


I also tailor my diet to my ever changing situation, & other ppl are going to have totally different situations, lifestyles, genetic make up, likes/dislikes, beliefs etc

 

Ppl are far too different for diet to ever be "one size fits all" 

 

and even for myself, there are times I need more of one thing or another, and times I simply want something that may not be considered the "healthiest" thing on the planet but for my emotional health at the time, it might be worth it 😊

 

anyway, good points 😉

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus
1 minute ago, Happy2Heal said:

I want to keep mine down because I end up craving it, and I have found, thru trial and error, that the lower I get it, the less I crave it. there does seem to be a tipping point, at least for me. I was happy to hear that they seem to have it figured at around 12% but I do have to look up if that's by calories or what... :P

 

I hear you, H2H, but you complain about cognitive issues --

  

31 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

I'm 62 and I do have a lot of issues with short term memory, not sure if that's age or WD/Recovery or possibly permanent brain damage (had 2 concussions and was on psych meds for ~40yrs)

 

There has been some good research suggesting MCT's and other "healthy fats" may have a beneficial effect on the brain and, in particular, its internal communications.

 

See, e.g. the study cited in this article.

 

https://www.onnit.com/academy/mct-fats-found-in-coconut-oil-boost-brain-function/

 

Seems worth considering at least in moderation for you.

 

Best,


Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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