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Happy2Heal

☼ Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right

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Littlegrandma

Happy, 

so good to hear! Very happy for you that you are doing so well. It’s only up from here!! Good news 

xx lg

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Scorpio

Hi Happy2Heal

 

thank you for your reply and such good news that you are continuing to do well. I am going through a really bad wave at the moment so to read your good news gives me hope for the future. 

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apace41
2 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

I hope everyone's recovery goes as well or better than mine as has. The start was rough, and probably due to my mistakes and rapid cuts, but it's only gotten better as time went on and I'm very grateful for that.

 

H2H,

 

Considering you have a 40+ year psych med history, the fact that you are doing so well and continue to see improvements is, frankly, spectacular!

 

Keep taking it slow and easy and keep us posted as things continue to get better.

 

Very inspirational.

 

Best,

 

Andy

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brassmonkey

Very excellent update H2H.  I'm so glad you're being able to handle things so well. I have to agree that hitting "0" was a big "nonevent".

 

Brass

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Happy2Heal
On 11/29/2017 at 9:34 AM, apace41 said:

Considering you have a 40+ year psych med history, the fact that you are doing so well and continue to see improvements is, frankly, spectacular!

 

 

thanks Andy and everyone else as well for your continued good wishes and support.

 

I think about this sometimes, Andy, that  long psych med history - and am so very grateful that I've been done so well.  Those 40+ years were also full of rapid med switches and cold turkeys, plus doses going up and down and things added and removed....

My poor brain, it's no wonder I ended up in and out of hospital, I'm  100% sure now, that it was due to the drugs and not some "mental illness"

whatever issues I had in the past, I am reluctant to label. There were some that arose out of youth, ignornance and inexperience, others that came from a  very chaotic and abuse filled childhood and early adulthood. and being poor never helped anything, either :P

 

 

I wouldn't say that I am grateful for this awful experience of withdrawal and recovery, I'm not. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
BUT I do have to admit that it forced me out of my comfort zone and facilitated some much needed growth, so it wasn't all bad. 

I credit myself and doing the work for that growth; I still believe and will always believe that the drugging and over drugging that was done to me (and so many of us) bordered on criminal, if not frankly criminal. It needs to end. But enough about that, I want to have a good day! :)

 

 

I am going to make a separate post with my thoughts and advice about diet and symptoms... so that they'll be easier for me to find later on.

 

 

 

 

  

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Happy2Heal

 

a few notes on diet and symptoms of increased anxiety, dread, and early morning cortisol spikes (in other words, signs of stress but not necessarily withdrawal or recovery)


I have gone back and forth about this, how much of a role does diet play in recovery and overall health, esp "mental health"

 

we know that a good diet is crucial for good overall health and I think that holds true for mental/emotional and brain health as well.

 

there were times during recovery that it really did not seem to matter what I ate, I had symptoms. They would wax and wane according to the windows and waves pattern that we're all familiar with, and nothing I ingested, or did not ingest, as far as supplements and foods, seemed to make much difference.

I had a clear intolerance for some foods and things like caffeine, but overall, my diet only sometimes seemed to make a difference in the level of symptoms

 

now that I am totally UNdrugged, I am having a different experience. My diet does seem to have clear effect on things like mood, anxiety level, etc.

 

I've had some days with fairly broken sleep recently and chalked it up to lack of exercise.

So I increased my exercise but did not change my diet.

My sleep did not improve.

 

I am thinking that the increase in the amount of sugar that I've been eating lately may be the culprit instead. I've read that simple carbs and sugary foods (we get a lot of free sweets, like cookies, pie, etc at the Sr Center) that those things are what may be causing the increase in anxiety and sleep issues.

I have woken up at 4 am with a massive cortisol spike the last two nights

 

I am going to change my diet back to when I ate almost no sugar and see if things go back to normal. I do clearly recall that not eating sugar or bread, crackers etc, had a good effect in the past so I'm going to try that again

 

I have read in several places that eating high carb foods or anything that spikes your blood sugar can cause anxiety, sweating and other uncomfortable symptoms.

They also increase inflammation in your body, which is not good at all, for any part of your body, or brain.

 

so, it's time to get with the program again LOL
I will report back on how it goes

 

 

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Miko789

Hi  H2H,

good to hear you are doing well,

Patience is key to recovery and you have it.

what did you mean over drugging from docs was criminal?

 

Good recovery,

Miko

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Zharul

did you get haldol injection ?

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Happy2Heal
On 12/3/2017 at 2:38 PM, Miko789 said:

Hi  H2H,

good to hear you are doing well,

Patience is key to recovery and you have it.

what did you mean over drugging from docs was criminal?

 

Good recovery,

Miko

hi Miko

I was given a lot of medication that I did not need, starting when I was 18 yrs old and given an anti psychotic drug when my diagnosis was "adjustment reaction" and NOT any kind of psychosis.

it just continued on from there, being given multiple meds that didn't help anything and only caused side effects. Many of the side effects were then misdiagnosed as new illnesses, and then new meds were added to treat those.

 

I feel it is criminal to give someone a drug for an illness they do not have, not to mention that these drugs do not do what they are marketed as doing. They cause brain dysfunction where there is none. They are rarely effective but cause a great deal of damage.

 

that is what I meant, I hope that helps

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Happy2Heal
On 12/3/2017 at 9:16 PM, Zharul said:

did you get haldol injection ?

hi Zharul, 
I was forced to take haldol in the hospital years ago, yes. I was also forcibly injected with other drugs

 

 

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Happy2Heal

Healing continues...

I guess the process is not completely over

 

I had decided that I wanted to move, but it would be a hard move, esp in the winter in New England, and esp since I'd not saved up for moving.
An apt  became available unexpectedly and I didn't want to miss out on it

 

but since deciding to move, I got severe insomnia again, with a lot of anxiety about how to manage such a huge move, and it felt like I was having withdrawal/recovery symptoms again

I am not sure how to distinguish them from "just stress".

 

but I do think, even if my problems are not withdrawal related, I do seem to be more sensitive to stress in general. I think that may be a lingering effect of the drugs, I don't know.

 

Last night I decided that moving would be too hard, and now I can sleep.

 

I am still struggling with acceptance of things I don't like. I think that's going to be something I need to work on, on a regular basis

 

I want to control things, and there is too much in life that can't be controlled, it can only be accepted and adjusted to, I think

 

so, the journey continues, just in a different way

 

I don't know if I am fully healed, I don't know if it's possible to know that with 100% certainty.

So many times I felt I'd reached a place that was so good, things could not get better, and then they did, so.....

 

I will hold off making any definitive statement. I guess it is a good thing to wait a year to write a success story.

 

 

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EthanC

I wish you best of luck Happy2Heal...

I want to be hopeful but I do believe these drugs (Lexapro/Cipralex in particular) cause us brain damage... especially if taken long-term.

 

I stopped in May 2017 and have been struggling ever since, mainly starting in ~October.

The morning dread that you speak of is so real... and it literally happens everyday.

Feels like death is knocking on our door, and no matter how calm or fine you feel the night before, when you wake up, it shows up.

 

How these companies are still manufacturing these and still being prescribed in such a large scale.. is beyond me.

The fact that there has been no concrete long-term studies, except from experiences coming from ones that did... are truly mind-boggling.

 

What did we do to deserve this?... 

I hope your journey improves and I hope one day these Big Pharmas take responsibility or gets punished for what they've done.

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Altostrata

EthanC, we see people recovering, there is no reason, other than a pessimistic disposition, to think you'll be different.

 

Happy2Heal has made remarkable progress herself.

 

Happy, this bout of sleeplessness may not be as dire as you think now. It can help to push yourself a bit, the nervous system needs to be exercised like any other part of your body. The winter is indeed a difficult time to move, maybe your time will come in the spring.

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Happy2Heal

Hi Ethan, I am sorry you are still struggling. I do believe wholeheartedly that we DO heal. Our entire body is set up to be a self-healing "machine". It's always working towards health and healing. We need to work with it, not against it, I think. 
Feeling good at night and bad in the morning is just an exaggeration of our body's normal rhythm of increasing hormones that help wake us up and get ready for the day, and then help us get sleepy at night. 

Just remember that as hard as the mornings can be, they DO get better, and each day brings you back to a calm place as the day wears on. Keep that in your mind when you wake up feeling bad, remember "It's ONLY TEMPORARY" and the bad feelings fade and you wonder what you were so worried about.

 

Thanks Alto, I didn't really think the sleeplessness was dire, I just wondered if it was a continuation of withdrawal/recovery symptoms. I don't want to mislead anyone by saying that my symptoms are totally gone if they are not. IF these are symptoms, they are certainly mild and short lived.

 

I had some other stressors with a rescued foster cat and other relationship things going on, and that all snowballed, I think. I have re-committed to taking care of myself FIRST (something that does not come easily for me, I am always putting other's needs before my own)

but since taking better care of myself, I'm now sleeping well (even had a dream!) and feeling less wary of the future.

Trying to remember to live in the present and accept things as they come, and not try so hard to control things that are, and have always been, beyond my control.

 

I think I have a bit of a PTSD like reaction to making decisions: the  decisions I made, the impulses I gave in to, in the way I handled going off the lexapro, had dire consequences- it threw me into acute ADWD recovery and there was no turning back,  I could not undo what had been done. 

It's probably the first time in my life that a decision I made turned out so horribly. So now, I am much more careful and a LOT more anxious about making decisions, even ones that I once didn't give much thought to (but probably should have)

 

It's a process.

I am in much better shape than I'd ever hoped or imagined I could be, and I am exceedingly grateful for that.

I wish I knew what the secret was to my recovery, I am sure there are people who will want to know, what did I do, but as so many others who have gone thru this and come out the other side have said- it really seems like time, and ACCEPTANCE, are they key to recovery. And a positive outlook. If you think that things are going to go badly, if you believe that you can't recover, then, well.... you may not even notice all the signs that you ARE indeed recovering. You need to look for the GOOD, I don't think I could stress that enough. We are designed by nature to pay more attention to threats, it helped us survive way back in the beginning of time, but now, it's counter productive. We need to make a conscious deliberate effort to find good things, every day. 

There's a couple of books on this topic, I can't recall the names of them now but I've recommended them before and still do. They will give you a lot of hope. 

 

the tools and skills that you learn to help you thru withdrawal are great for dealing with the feelings and issues that may have led you to be on the drugs in the first place.

If you come thru this expecting that your life will suddenly be wonderful with no pain or stress or anxiety or grief or any of the other  stuff that's a normal part of living, you're going to be very disappointed. I think that's why so many go back on the meds. They forget that they can handle these things, or they get tired and give up and want the quick fix.


I admit to having times when I wish I could go back and choose what seemed like the "easy way" again. Then I remember, that I took these drugs for temporary emotional states that I didn't know how to deal with at the time, and had long term terrible side effects to try to treat a TEMPORARY and often relatively minor, problem.

I had more faith in the drugs than in myself.

 

Now I see how strong I am, and probably always was, and I know I can handle anything that comes my way.
Doesn't mean I want to, mind you, I'd like things to be all warm and fuzzy and wonderful all the time, just like anyone else, but I know I can face whatever life brings my way.

 

and that's a good feeling. I just need to be reminded sometimes, to re connect with that.

I did that yesterday, I saw a beloved relative, and I soaked in the feelings of connectedness, relished the bond we share and the love we have for each other and let it renew my spirit.

 

sometimes, for me at least, it's just about letting it in.

if you don't feel good about yourself, sometimes you can have a problem letting love in and getting strength and courage from that.

 

I've learned a lot in the last year or so. 

 

anyway, sorry for going on like this!

I hope that everyone can try to find the good in even the hardest day, that *does* seem to make a difference.

I know it turned around some bad days for me.

 

 

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Littlegrandma

H2H

once again..... what a wonderful post! Your upbeat optimism always seems to come when I need it most. I am saving this post for my daily reflection. 

 

Id like to bring you home with me. 

Have a wonderful day. 

Thank you!!! Lg

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apace41
19 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

anyway, sorry for going on like this!

 

It's all good stuff, H2H.  I know that part of you REALLY wants to write a success story but you are waiting because you understand there is a 1 year rule (that plenty have violated) and you don't want to jinx things anyway.   I view this as a "rough draft."  

 

Glad you are able to view this in many ways as a journey of self-discovery.

 

Continued healing.

 

Andy

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Happy2Heal
6 minutes ago, Littlegrandma said:

H2H

once again..... what a wonderful post! Your upbeat optimism always seems to come when I need it most. I am saving this post for my daily reflection. 

 

Id like to bring you home with me. 

Have a wonderful day. 

Thank you!!! Lg

oh Lg,

you don't know how much this means to me!! If I can bring some hope to just one person, it makes *me* feel good, so thank you for letting me know that this helps

 

sometimes I feel like maybe I am going on in a preachy way and I dont' mean to do that! 

 

I would love to come home with you! LOL  It feels so good to be appreciated

:)

you have a wonderful day too!! 

 

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Happy2Heal
4 minutes ago, apace41 said:

 

It's all good stuff, H2H.  I know that part of you REALLY wants to write a success story but you are waiting because you understand there is a 1 year rule (that plenty have violated) and you don't want to jinx things anyway.   I view this as a "rough draft."  

 

Glad you are able to view this in many ways as a journey of self-discovery.

 

Continued healing.

 

Andy

 thanks so much Andy

I truly understand the reason for the one year rule. It's only fair to all concerned. I do sometimes get a flash of anxiety, esp after reading of other's struggles, that some where down the line, acute WD symptoms may come rushing back, but nothing in my history shows that that's likely. I try to stay optimistic, but that's a choice, it's not really a core of my personality.

Although when I tell people who know me well,  they disagree, they tell me that I've always been optimistic !!

 

so the journey of self discovery goes on ;-)

 

I hope you are doing well, I"m sorry I'm not on here much and have not  kept up with anyone

I will try to do that soon.

 

all the best!! 

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Happy2Heal

Hi all, 

just popping in with a little update.

I think I have to admit that I am having lingering small waves of symptoms.

I have some anxiety, some morning dread, some cortisol spikes (esp if I eat too late at night) some lack of motivation, no appetite.

I want to think of these things as just normal fluctuations in mood and emotions, totally un related to pysch drug withdrawal, but these are the same symptoms I've had for the past couple of years, just now, in much much milder form.

So I am guessing that my brain is still remodeling itself, which makes sense.

I was on the lexapro for over 10yrs, and on all sorts of psych drugs for over 40 yrs, so of course it's going to take time for things to sort themselves out completely.

 

I continue to take good care of myself and to look for the positive in every situation. It helps to keep from going down that slippery slope of despair that things won't improve...

because they ALWAYS DO improve!

it's just waiting it out and finding ways to fill the time while waiting.


I have no interest in the things that usually bring me pleasure, which makes the days pretty long and boring, but I continue to get out and play cards and such at the Sr Center, meet with friends to do things and do some small volunteer jobs here and there. Whatever keeps me busy and out of trouble! lol

 

I'll be rat sitting for someone for a couple of weeks, that should be fun, Rats are such joyful little creatures. 

 

I've had an increase in palpitations and PVCs PACs which often signal a possible impending afib episode so I'm watching my sodium intake and keeping hydrated; doing yoga and trying to get back into meditating. All things to try to calm down my irritable heart  ;-)

 

I am finding it hard to be around certain people, people who are always on edge and who keep giving warnings about this that and the other thing. I know they well, but it's not helpful to me. It brings on anxiety that I don't need. I try to find calm confident people to hang out with, but they are not easy to find!! 

 

well this is more of me "emptying my brain" of my current thoughts and not really much of an update I guess.

 

all is well, even when it doesn't always feel that way. I am happy to have gotten to this point, it's **so** much better than things were this time last year!!

 

 

 

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