success ☼ Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right

February 12, 2018

54 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

knock on wood, had a great day today, felt "normal"

content. no anxiety. no wild temperature fluctuations. just a good day. had fun with friends. have things to look forward to. this is nice.

Wonderful! Freedom from anxiety and having things to look forward to are such a blessings. So glad you are kind enough to inspire hope and share your healing success!

xo RealMe

February 16, 2018

here it is, Friday and no waves.

wow, what a great week!
I could get used to this

February 16, 2018

Just now, Happy2Heal said:

here it is, Friday and no waves.

wow, what a great week!
I could get used to this

Super

February 17, 2018

Really happy to hear this, Happy2Heal.

February 17, 2018

So happy to hear this @Happy2Heal!

February 17, 2018

thanks everyone

February 18, 2018

Such wonderful news, thank you for coming back and updating it gives me hope ❤️

February 18, 2018

Hi HDH? Do you find that the supplements you take are helping you? You seem to be doing very well! I'm interested in the Glycine and Chroium?

Thanks!

Sam

February 18, 2018

12 hours ago, samanthaelizabeth said:

Hi HDH? Do you find that the supplements you take are helping you? You seem to be doing very well! I'm interested in the Glycine and Chroium?

Thanks!

Sam

Hi Sam

Oh I need to update my signature, I am not taking glycine nor the chromium any more, I'm not quite sure when I stopped taking them.

I think the glycine may only have helped because I was not getting enough in my diet, glycine is an essential amino acid found in many foods. At certain points in my recovery I was not able to eat very much and my diet was quite limited.

Some time within the past few months, I think I must have been finally getting enough glycine in my diet. When I took the glycine capsules, instead of feeling calmer and being able to sleep better, instead I got a rush of anxiety. So I stopped taking them. One less pill to buy!!

it is VERY easy to get too much of a supplement, even something that seems relatively harmless like glycine; it's much safer and better for you to get these things from food.

at least, that's my thinking.

I don't recall exactly why I started taking the chromium but I was NOT taking it for withdrawal symptoms as I can see from my amazon purchase history, I've been buying the stuff for a long time. If memory serves (and it seldom does any more LOL) I started taking the chromium to deal with sugar cravings. I was heavily addicted to sugar and in fact, a lot of my physical as well as emotional issues were probably caused at least in part by the massive amount of sugar that I consumed daily. I would eat nothing but jelly beans for 3 days straight, just as an example. And I wondered why I was sick and tired all the time *groan*

to be honest, the things I stopped ingesting have been a lot more helpful to me overall, than any of these pills have been. I stopped eating dairy and processed foods, for the most part I don't eat meat, eggs, or fish (very little fish and the occasional bit of meat or egg) I eat a whole foods, low sodium, low sugar, plant based diet. I sometimes will eat something sweet but it messes me up for days (ramped up anxiety, trouble with sweating and stuff like that)

it's amazing how much better I feel when I eat well. Diet is very individual and what works for me, may not work for you, but I'd encourage you to test out what actually does make you feel better in the food dept.

it's the safest way to help you feel better. I knew on some level that my diet was making me sick but I honestly did not believe that eating better would make such a HUGE improvement in how I feel.

I made the changes gradually over a period of several years. I know from trial and error that the diet I'm on now is the one that makes me feel the best.

If it works, stick with it!! right?

February 19, 2018

22 minutes ago, Longestroadhome said:

I have a drawer full of supplements. I am a sucker for quick fix stories. Some I bought after reading about them here and others I bought whilst googling anxiety cures! All I will say is that the placebo factor plays an important role in whether or not something makes you feel better. At least that is my experience 😜

all throughout my 'worst year ever' (Oct 2016 to Oct 2017) I was pretty desperate at times to get relief, so I too, had a drawer full of supplements! I ended up throwing most of them out, as it upset me to see how much money I'd wasted on them. I did hold onto my various magnesium supplements (mag malate, mag citrate) just in case I run out of my mag taurate before I order more (can only find that online thru amazon)

I wanted those supplements to work so bad, and sometimes I would *think* they'd helped, only to discover that I was probably in a window, and would have felt better any way

yeh the placebo effect is a big factor!

I worried that feeling better due to my diet was also a placebo effect. But, I've more or less gone off and on the diet enough times to clearly see that the better I eat, the better I feel. I don't have to be obsessive about it, thank goodness, but if I stray too far off from the basic good stuff, I definitely feel it.

and yeh, meat and fats (those are big in the Paleo diet, I think...?) those are baaaadd for me and my digestion. My digestion just stops if I eat meat. It's like my colon shuts down and will not move.

I had such horrible constipation, severe constipation, that is completely gone now that I've given up dairy, meat and eggs and junk foods. In fact, when I had the opposite problem in early acute WD, when the food just ran right thru me, I would purposely eat a cheeseburger because I knew it was the one thing that would slow my digestion down. Worked every time!!

yeh, I have to say that during the early stages of WD, my good diet did not seem to affect the symptoms I had very much. I liked to think it was helping, but time what was healed me, same as for most of us. It's frustrating as all get-out to know that you can do everything "right" - but nothing except waiting it out and getting thru each day, is going to help.

I know that I've been very very lucky. I think I have good genes, to be honest. In all my life, I have healed quickly. I recall once when I was a kid, a cut healed super fast and I was disappointed because I was using it to get sympathy from my dad, hahaha. He was a sucker for "boo boo's"

I've had surgeries and recovered from those ahead of schedule, according to most drs.

anyway, I hope this finds you doing well! thanks for stopping by my thread

February 19, 2018

Hi Happy2Heal, you are really super tough. I found out mostly people here are so brave and superhero.After reading your stories of recovery and getting a lots improvement better by time passed give me a lots of hope. I really love to read your good stories to give me energy and support...Thanks.

February 19, 2018

Hey H2H

What is your diet? If you’re off meat, dairy, and eggs, do you only eat fruits and vegetables? Do you eat any carbs? Just curious what foods work best for you.

Thanks Lg

February 19, 2018

46 minutes ago, Littlegrandma said:

Hey H2H

What is your diet? If you’re off meat, dairy, and eggs, do you only eat fruits and vegetables? Do you eat any carbs? Just curious what foods work best for you.

Thanks Lg

Hi LG

I eat a lot of beans, luckily I like them. I eat oatmeal a lot with added ground flax seeds (it helps keep my blood pressure down to normal) A lot of my favorite veggies have a fair amount of carbs, but they also have a ton of good stuff like phytonutrients, vits and minerals etc.

I love peas, broccoli, all squashes, cauliflower, well, almost every veggie! I don't eat many white potatoes but I do eat a lot of sweet pots, esp in my "sweet potato chili/soup" that I make once a week.

I occasionally have a little bit of pasta with a sauce I make myself (I add veggies to it)

Um, I make these breakfast bars with rolled oats, oat flour, peanut butter, raisins and walnuts.

I try to remember to eat mushrooms, they are supposed to be very good for you.

I got most of my diet advice from Nutrition facts.org, with Dr Michael Gregor and Dr Furhman of the Eat to Live, Eat for Health, The End of Heart Disease, fame, as well as T Colin Campbell, Dr Neal Barnard, Dr Essestyn and others who are promoting a whole foods, plant based diet.

My favorite is Dr Micheal Gregor, because he is totally non profit, non commercial. He does his research as he says, as a "labor of love, as a tribute to his Grandmother".

read his story about his grandma, it's an eye opener. His grandmother was given up for dead by the drs with severe heart disease, after 3 weeks on a good diet, she went from not being able to walk across the room to walking something like 3 miles a day(? I forget the particulars but it was and is, an amazing example of how much a good diet matters to your health)

here the story in his own words:

https://nutritionfacts.org/video/the-story-of-nutritionfacts-org/

oh it was 10 miles a day!!

so yeh, check it out!

let me know what you think ok

February 19, 2018

Thank you very much!!

i will let you know.

i eat mostly raw veggies and fruits, nuts. But I do eat cheese rarely and a glass of milk a day. Also about 4 oz of meat every night-

chicken, fish, pork or beef.

I will definitely read the story. Love a good success story, like yours.🤗

(Hugs). Lg

February 19, 2018

On 12/16/2015 at 8:16 PM, Happy2Heal said:

hi all, I am not sure how much info you want or need, but the short version is:
i have been on lexapro for 13yrs. I believe it was prescribed for me just a few weeks after it became available.

I had been on the highest dose of celexa before this.

my dose was quickly raised from 20mgs to 30mgs to 40 mgs, where it stayed for many years.

My insurance balked at the 40mg dose, saying that over 30mgs was not shown to have any additional effect so about 2 yrs ago, my dose was reduced to 30mgs.

I don't even know how many times I have tried to go off this drug. I do not believe it is helping me at all. It seems all I have is the side effecs but no benefit whatsoever. I have had several severe depressions in the past couple of years.

I am now commited to getting off this stuff for good. For a lot of reasons that I'm too tired to go into now.

I am down to taking about 1/8 of a 20mg tablet every couple of days, or whenever the insomnia and/or feelings of rage get to be too much.

I am very lucky, this time I have NOT had any of the brain zaps, nor that feeling of losing my balance, etc.

Primarily I am dealing with severe insomnia that may or may not be from going off the lexapro-

see, I lost my 17 yr old cat on Nov 29th and I have not been able to sleep much at all since. I think it's a really weird grief reaction, but I don't know, maybe it's partly withdrawal too....?

the rages are totally out of character for me. Part of me thinks they are due to extreme fatigue but even when I am not feeling too terribly tired, I will have these "episode" of just terrible anger out of nowhere.

it scares me. I think of doing awful terrible things, violent things. I screamed at my doctor's nurse. for no reason, really, I just felt out of control and that she was not hearing me about how bad things are.

anyway, I did not know a place like this existed, I've been on forums for ppl with mental illness before and they all get totally freaked out when you talk about going off your meds.

I hope I can find some support and help for this and mostly I hope to be able to be OFF of this drug for good!

thanks for listening to my long rambling post, off to look around the forum

It doesn't look like your drug signature is correct? You said you were on lexapro for 13 years?

February 20, 2018

2 hours ago, samanthaelizabeth said:

It doesn't look like your drug signature is correct? You said you were on lexapro for 13 years?

I don't put my full drug history in my signature, it's over four decades long and involves every class of psych meds plus drugs that aren't even psych meds (for example, I was given lyrica as an antidepressant!!)

For SSRI's, I was on zoloft first, then celexa, I'm not sure what year I started those, but I know for sure that I started on lexapro in 2002 because it was new to the market the month I started on it.

From 2002 til the present, I've tried unsuccessfully several times to get off the lexapro. Each time, I thought (and was told) that I was relapsing, my symptoms were so severe (mostly severe anxiety, and being unable to stop crying) other meds were added on for these new symptoms ("illnesses")

Most of the past 20 years is a blur to me, I was so heavily drugged.

I know for sure that my dose went up and down several times, and that I completely stopped one time for a full 7 mos.

I bounced up and down in the dose so many times, not having any idea how dangerous that was.

so, let's see, I started on lexapro in 2002 and my last tiny dose was Oct 2017, so that's what? 15 years total, but as I said, I was off for 7 mos, and I don't count the last two years of tapering (from 2015 on) I don't know *why* I don't count them, but I don't LOL

so, ok, I was on lexapro for 15 years, and I was on two other SSRI's for a few years before that. Of all the drugs that I was prescribed, I consider the SSRI's to have been the most toxic, and next to that, the seroquel, risperdal, haldol, zyprexa and stelazine. I never took the benzos and z meds on any kind of a regular basis, I hated feeling drugged. I was on lithium for a very long, went off that CT and had one very bad year but got thru it. I went back on it again after that but it seemed to have no effect, and didn't seem to cause any withdrawal when I switched from that to lamictal. But I don't know, I wasn't aware of WD so I wouldn't have been looking for it.

why do you need to know exactly how long I was on lexapro?

February 20, 2018

I'm sorry,let me explain. I see that you are doing very well and just want someone comparable to myself as far as years on an SSRI. Some one to give me some hope that it's possible. You're doing great!

February 20, 2018

On 12/18/2015 at 2:11 PM, Happy2Heal said:

Hi Altostrata

I think you are confusing my medication HISTORY with my current meds

I think I should remove that from my signature, it's too long and depressing and I was afraid ppl would be confused by it, so yeh,
I'll delete all the stuff that's not needed

My current meds are:

verapamil for high blood pressure, it is NOT an optoin to go off this med. I had untreated high blood pressure caused in part by seroquel, and now have mild but permanent heart damage from it

eliquis - an anti coagulatant, for stroke prevention. I do not want to take this but my cardiologist tells me my risk for a stroke is very high.

generic celebrex for pain.

generic prevacid PRN for symptoms of acid reflux, I do not take this unless I have symptoms, there are major problems wiht taking these meds daily or long term

generic lexapro the med I am tapering off of

I have prescriptions for drugs to use as needed (antihistimines, etc) but since I RARELY use them, I will leave them out to try to keep things clearer.

I do not currently take zyprexa, and I do not want to take zyprexa daily, I requested a PRN of no more than 3 low dose pills, that's all. My doctor has prescribed this for me in the past in this exact same way, as a PRN, but she is not willing to do that now.

I *was* on zyprexa for about 6 mos but that almost 20yrs ago. I will take zyprexa on a regular basis

On 12/18/2015 at 2:11 PM, Happy2Heal said:

I

So are you currently taking zyprexa?

February 20, 2018

20 minutes ago, samanthaelizabeth said:

I'm sorry,let me explain. I see that you are doing very well and just want someone comparable to myself as far as years on an SSRI. Some one to give me some hope that it's possible. You're doing great!

oh I see

well I was on zoloft in 1995 and switched to celexa a couple of years later (I know where I was living when I started on zoloft, so I went thru my rental records and found out when I lived at that address)

so ,um, math is not my best subject, but that makes, what? over 20 years I guess...?

how many years have you been on SSRI's?

I'm pretty sure there's folks here who were on SSRi's longer than I was, and they've recovered.

I'll try to find them in the next couple of days, I went to a party tonight and overate and got a stomach ache, gotta go lay down!

you're going to do fine Samantha, it's very hard at first but it does definitely get better.

just please go slow, those who do that have the easiest time overall

<3

I'm sending you a private message on a totally different topic, ok

February 20, 2018

Ok :mellow:

February 20, 2018

11 minutes ago, samanthaelizabeth said:

So are you currently taking zyprexa?

no I am not taking zyprexa

I got this as a rescue med from the ER in mid Jan 2107. I got only a few tablets of the very lowest dose available. I took a TINY tiny bit of one tablet and it seemed to help me sleep (I had severe insomnia at the time, DP/DR and was in utter terror all the time, was feeling suicidal but not in the normal sense, I didn't want to die, I just wanted to the awful images in my head to stop)

the very first little bit of zyprexa seemed to help, and I thought it was a miracle, but then, as is so often the case with WD, it turned paradoxical on me and made me feel WORSE

I was desperate and I don't regret giving it a try, it bought me a few days more time to get a handle on my symptoms. I suffered terribly all of last winter but I managed to find something every single day that was getting better and I held on tightly to each tiny sign of progress

It helped to get me thru it.

I would have done a LOT better if I'd only gone a LOT slower in my taper and learned to acknowledge, accept and float a lot sooner!

February 20, 2018

1 minute ago, Happy2Heal said:

no I am not taking zyprexa

I got this as a rescue med from the ER in mid Jan 2107. I got only a few tablets of the very lowest dose available. I took a TINY tiny bit of one tablet and it seemed to help me sleep (I had severe insomnia at the time, DP/DR and was in utter terror all the time, was feeling suicidal but not in the normal sense, I didn't want to die, I just wanted to the awful images in my head to stop)

the very first little bit of zyprexa seemed to help, and I thought it was a miracle, but then, as is so often the case with WD, it turned paradoxical on me and made me feel WORSE

I was desperate and I don't regret giving it a try, it bought me a few days more time to get a handle on my symptoms. I suffered terribly all of last winter but I managed to find something every single day that was getting better and I held on tightly to each tiny sign of progress

It helped to get me thru it.

I would have done a LOT better if I'd only gone a LOT slower in my taper and learned to acknowledge, accept and float a lot sooner!

Makes sense, I would've done the same !

February 20, 2018

https://nutritionfacts.org/2018/02/20/the-risks-of-fish-oil-supplements/?utm_source=NutritionFacts.org&utm_campaign=270d4c807b-RSS_BLOG_DAILY&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_40f9e497d1-270d4c807b-23428565&mc_cid=270d4c807b&mc_eid=18558a9b97

just putting this here to save and read later

February 20, 2018

So happy for your healing : but you can't trust everything that you read ~ there are often larger interests at play ~ We have to take it all with a grain of salt ~ Just saying.

February 20, 2018

24 minutes ago, AliG said:

So happy for your healing : but you can't trust everything that you read ~ there are often larger interests at play ~ We have to take it all with a grain of salt ~ Just saying.

of course I don't trust everything I read, but I've not read that yet.

Nutrition facts.org is a non profit site, so I trust it far more than others, but I am also aware of the fact that Dr Michael Gregor is a vegan and an environmentalist, and knows/believes, as many do, that the production of animal products is harming the environment. Reasonable people are free to disagree and debate the issue, but I didn't put this here to debate it, I just wanted to remember to review it

I have afib so the mention of that peaked my interest

still haven't read it, I need some free "head space" to do that, but I've read other posts that talk about fish oil not being all it's cracked up to be. It's big business as well, so...

:/

there's always competing interests. I can't take fish oil, myself, as it's very activating for me, but I'd be relieved if I learned that I may be better off without it.

several other whole foods doctors recommend plant based sources......ooops gotta catch a bus!

thanks Ali

February 20, 2018

Sorry H2H ~ of course it's each to their own ~ I'm so cynical , these days ~ It's no reflection on you , I'm just so very careful and dubious of almost everything LOL.

That aside, I'm so happy about your progress ~ you have really come ahead in leaps and bounds. Well done.

Thank you so much for sharing your healing ... It's inspirational.

February 20, 2018

On 12/16/2015 at 8:16 PM, Happy2Heal said:

hi all, I am not sure how much info you want or need, but the short version is:
i have been on lexapro for 13yrs. I believe it was prescribed for me just a few weeks after it became available.

I had been on the highest dose of celexa before this.

my dose was quickly raised from 20mgs to 30mgs to 40 mgs, where it stayed for many years.

My insurance balked at the 40mg dose, saying that over 30mgs was not shown to have any additional effect so about 2 yrs ago, my dose was reduced to 30mgs.

I don't even know how many times I have tried to go off this drug. I do not believe it is helping me at all. It seems all I have is the side effecs but no benefit whatsoever. I have had several severe depressions in the past couple of years.

I am now commited to getting off this stuff for good. For a lot of reasons that I'm too tired to go into now.

I am down to taking about 1/8 of a 20mg tablet every couple of days, or whenever the insomnia and/or feelings of rage get to be too much.

I am very lucky, this time I have NOT had any of the brain zaps, nor that feeling of losing my balance, etc.

Primarily I am dealing with severe insomnia that may or may not be from going off the lexapro-

see, I lost my 17 yr old cat on Nov 29th and I have not been able to sleep much at all since. I think it's a really weird grief reaction, but I don't know, maybe it's partly withdrawal too....?

the rages are totally out of character for me. Part of me thinks they are due to extreme fatigue but even when I am not feeling too terribly tired, I will have these "episode" of just terrible anger out of nowhere.

it scares me. I think of doing awful terrible things, violent things. I screamed at my doctor's nurse. for no reason, really, I just felt out of control and that she was not hearing me about how bad things are.

anyway, I did not know a place like this existed, I've been on forums for ppl with mental illness before and they all get totally freaked out when you talk about going off your meds.

I hope I can find some support and help for this and mostly I hope to be able to be OFF of this drug for good!

thanks for listening to my long rambling post, off to look around the forum

You seem to be doing so well. I have been on Zoloft for 19 years, it's not helping me anymore but I am afraid to taper. Are you happy now?

February 21, 2018

18 hours ago, samanthaelizabeth said:

You seem to be doing so well. I have been on Zoloft for 19 years, it's not helping me anymore but I am afraid to taper. Are you happy now?

Hi Sam, when I wrote that, I didn't know that antidepressants have not been shown to have much, if any, real benefit for depression and in fact, most if not all of the supposed benefits are probably the placebo effect. For great information about this, please read: https://www.theinnercompass.org/learn-unlearn/intervention/antidepressants

it's pretty long and has a LOT of info, so it can take some time to digest it all, but it's quite an eye opener. take your time reading it. It may be a bit upsetting but it's very well researched and very good info to know. I never would have taken these drugs if I had known the truth about them!!

It is not known how any of these psych meds "work"- all that is known is that they have some "effect" and some find that "effect" to be a positive one. And that may be because ppl expect it to help, and/or the effect that they get is one that they prefer over how they were feeling before they took the drug.

My feelings were very raw when I first started on SSRis, and after going thru my drug history, in fact, to try to answer some of your questions, I realized that I was first put on them after my dad died. That hit me very hard, I was very close to him.

The antidepressants gave me energy, I thought, and they numbed my feelings.

Over time, and with increases in doses, they also made it extremely difficult to sleep, made me anxious and jittery, and numbed my feelings so much that I didn't much care about anything or anyone. I stayed in my house, by myself, and rarely went out. Almost all of my social contact was online, a very poor substitute for a real social life. I gained weight and slept a lot, and I mean a LOT. I could sleep for up to 20 hrs a day. This was during the last few years of being on the lexapro. I do not know why lexapro at first made it hard to sleep and then later, made me sleep all the time- I did go up and down in the dose a LOT and had tried to stop it several times, so that could be a factor.

It's really impossible to know how these drugs are going to effect people in the long term, they were approved without any studies being done on long term use. They seem to effect different people in different ways, but overall the effects do not appear to be good ones.

I understand being afraid to taper off the zoloft. In my experience, and from all that I've read on this forum and in other places, zoloft is a much weaker drug than lexapro, and many many ppl have been able to successfully taper off lexapro, so I think it can be done.

It's a very personal decision, however; you have to decide if it's worth it to you.

IF you go very slowly, you can minimize the withdrawal symptoms and have very few symptoms or possibly none at all.

Remember it's NOT a race! go slow and keep it steady and simple!

That advice is the BEST advice going, I regret that I didn't follow it!!!

am I happy? well, no, not all the time. LOL I have all my emotions now, and so I have to take the bad with the good

I am happy that I went off the lexapro, at least on most days, hahaha. When I am having a bad day, or am hit with a strong negative emotion, I do find myself thinking wistfully of the cocoon of numbness I was enveloped in when I was on the drug. But I was DRUGGED and I knew it, I felt drugged. None of my feelings seemed or felt real.

Now they are, and they can sometimes be very sharp and distressing, and I have to learn how to handle those uncomfortable feelings.

You may wish to do some work on coping skills and self care techniques before you taper. It could be easier to do this in advance. I don't know.
I some times think that I would never have been able to motivate myself to make all the healthy changes in my life if i had not been literally FORCED to do so, by the WD symptoms. I guess I was just lazy. I don't know. I will never know.

But I did it, and that's good.

take your time and do what is right for YOU. Only YOU will know what that is. Don't compare yourself too much to others here. It won't help. For instance, when I read about the long struggles some people had here, I was scared and didn't think I could get thru that. But it was *their* withdrawal story and not MINE. Everyone is different. There will be some common threads, some things that are very similar for a lot of us, but how you do is going to be a very individual thing.

It is better to spend your time working on ways to improve your coping skills and things like that.

hope that helps!

February 21, 2018

On 2/20/2018 at 1:04 PM, AliG said:

Sorry H2H ~ of course it's each to their own ~ I'm so cynical , these days ~ It's no reflection on you , I'm just so very careful and dubious of almost everything LOL.

That aside, I'm so happy about your progress ~ you have really come ahead in leaps and bounds. Well done.

Thank you so much for sharing your healing ... It's inspirational.

nothing to apologize for Ali!!! In fact, I felt I should apologize as I was writing quickly and what I wrote may have come off sounding like I thought you wanted to debate the fish oil issue, and I didn't think that at all. You are quite right to say we should be cautious about what we read and hear and do our own research!

Oh, I'm very cynical too, now, sometimes to the point of almost paranoia (like, if there's any money to be made, how much is this company/person/organization trying to screw me/us over?) I still think that the manufacturers of lexapro purposely made the drug as hard to come off of, as possible... and I won't be at all surprised if that's what they someday learn. We all know now what happened with the tobacco industry and what is now going on with the food industry. They are purposely making food that people get addicted to, it's sinful, as these "foods" are all processed junk that they are passing off as food.

I noticed something when I go food shopping. Not including things that are clearly non food items, like cleaners, paper products etc, more than half of the aisles in most grocery stores are dedicated to things that I no longer consider foods: heavily processed snacks, packaged foods, sweets and bread and baked goods of all sorts, canned meals high in sodium and not much else, and on and on. I shop basically the produce aisle. frozen veggies and berries, and then pick my way thru to find things like spices, no salt added canned beans and toms and some whole grains like rolled oats or whole grain pasta, all natural peanut butter, walnuts, flax seeds and a bit of dried fruits (raisin, dates) I get some almond milk but am considering trying to drink my herbal tea plain without it. I've been hearing about how expensive it is, and how much water it uses, to grow almonds. Not to mention, there are very few almonds in almond milk, hahaha.

anyway!! no worries. I'm an ethical vegan and it was hard for me but I had to eat some meat and fish during withdrawal. or at least it seemed that way to me.

thank you so much for your kind compliments. I couldn't be happier with the way my recovery is going. It's a huge relief, I was worried that I'd have very long term severe symptoms, just going by my long drug history. But, knock on wood, I seem to have escaped that fate.

I will continue to be grateful for my blessings and try not to be too disappointed if I get hit with some large waves in the days ahead. I'm only a few months off, and I know it's a possibility.

thanks for all your help throughout this journey!

February 21, 2018

Just when I am sure that things could not get any better; they do!

I didn't realize I was having any symptoms at all but apparently I was. Today I am in an even better place, more in my own body, feel more in control of my life, mentally alert, none of the memory issues that I've struggled with and thought were due to my age. I feel all of my emotions are, I don't know... my own?? like they are true to the present and not at all neuro emotions caused by wd/recovery. I just feel stronger and more stable overall.

it's not all good news, though, I am having some mild physical stuff: I feel physically weak- walking up my hill and stairs felt hard, when just a few days ago, this seemed super easy. So I've got some kind of fatigue or something??? I recall that before tapering off the lexapro, I would get something similar as we got closer to spring. I would be physically tired and feel heavy. I read somewhere that it's because your body is "throwing off" stored heat that it had been holding onto to keep you warm thru the winter. That kinda makes sense, since the past two days have been usually warm here.

I just didn't think that I had any further to go, and then I did. My motivation to do things is improved, I am getting even more interested in my old hobbies, I am excited about getting two new foster rats soon. I am making plans and not being worried that symptoms are going to mess things up.

I am getting even more enjoyment out of things that I accomplish, so apparently I've had some mild anhedonia that I wasn't even aware of.

oh, and I'm finally able to perspire! for over a year, I've not been able to sweat. all last summer, I was worried I'd overheat because I never sweat at all. I didn't even need deodorant. And all winter, my feet didn't sweat, when normally I have very sweaty feet.

I'm not crazy about being a sweaty person, but it's a lot better to have your body perspire to cool you off than to get heat stroke or something. so this is another good thing.

so many good things!!

it's funny, I never expected to ever go thru anything as awful as what I went thru from Oct 2016 to Oct 2017.

then I never expected that I would feel this much better so soon after all that.

I know, a year seems like a long time, and it surely felt like it at the time, but it actually went by pretty fast and in spite of some really severe symptoms, I had a lot of good, or at least, tolerable times. It was not all bad 24/7. I am very grateful for that.

February 21, 2018

Wow! This is an amazing update. I so hope to feel everything you are describing some day. Congratulations on your recovery, H2H!!

February 22, 2018

so great to read of even more improvements for you!

very encouraging to us older folks that maybe a lot of this is really WD related ,not aging.

weakness has been and continues to be one of my most persistent symptoms...takes a toll after a while..

I found it interesting when you mentioned not being able to sweat,I've had this too,...just feeling like if I could sweat it would be a relief?

maybe it's related to temp. dysregulation.

you continue to give us a lot of hope ,thank you.

best,ds

February 22, 2018

34 minutes ago, direstraits said:

maybe it's related to temp. dysregulation.

yeh I don't know but that was my thinking. I usually have a hard time in the summer, the heat bothers me and while I know it's a good thing, I hate getting all sweaty. So while I was worried about heat stroke, I was actually a lot more comfy last summer than I usually am.

I had a bad winter, I didn't tolerate the cold as well as I used to. I needed to jack up the heat and wear layers, cuz every night, my temp would go up (It seemed to happen after I'd been laying on the sofa for awhile)

I also had hot flashes during the day (sometimes followed by feeling very cold) but that has evened out and doesn't happen as much. Drinking soy milk seemed to trigger that for me, and also anything sweet/sugary.

I'd forgotten that we are close to the same age. yeh, I never seem to know what is age related and what isn't. I had such an awful problem with short term memory but I assumed it was my age, now I know it's not- my memory suddenly and dramatically improved!

my mom had a lot of trouble with hot flashes, so I assume I'll be the same way (she had them well past menopause) but maybe not, maybe that is WD/recovery too.

the weakness caught me by surprise. I'm not all that upset about it, because as I feel better, I want to do more, and I tend to over do things

so this may keep me from getting injured, hahahaha. I'm like a bull in a china shop sometimes, I just charge into something, move furniture and stuff, and end up being in rough shape the next day. But I won't remember why LOL

can't stand up straight??? oh, right, I tried to lift that 60lb+ A/C by myself. uh huh.

anyway, thanks so much for stopping by!

how are you doing?

February 22, 2018

I think I might still be recovering from the anesthesia...a bit worse lately.

hoping for better days soon...fingers crossed!

take care,ds

xx

February 22, 2018

On 2/19/2018 at 11:28 AM, Happy2Heal said:

https://nutritionfacts.org/video/the-story-of-nutritionfacts-org/

Definitely going to check this out. In the past few years I have cut way back on meat, especially red meat. I don't eat flour, sugar, potatoes, diet soda, nitrates. I eat more fish (brain food?). I can't do all vegetables, and I don't really like to cook. I used to like cooking for holidays, but on a regular basis, I like easy food prep.

February 22, 2018

1 hour ago, RealMe said:

Definitely going to check this out. In the past few years I have cut way back on meat, especially red meat. I don't eat flour, sugar, potatoes, diet soda, nitrates. I eat more fish (brain food?). I can't do all vegetables, and I don't really like to cook. I used to like cooking for holidays, but on a regular basis, I like easy food prep.

I follow he's youtube channel ,very knowledgeable .keeping up the practice is never ending though .he can get very extreme but its a great resource.

success ☼ Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right

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