success ☼ Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right

[Rosetta]

Good luck, Happy!

[RealMe]

On 4/9/2018 at 10:48 AM, Happy2Heal said:

I sometimes worry that it's almost cruel to post that I'm doing so well, knowing how much others are suffering, and then I remember how much hope it gave me to go back and read and RE read and read AGAIN the small selection of success stories we have.

Oh no, Happy2Heal!  I love to read about your successes, positive attitude and words of encouragement!  Please keep on writing and reaching out the way you do.  You are such a help to me and others on this weird WD trip.

xo RM

[Soup]

Happy to heal ..... I have been reading your posts and was wondering about your reinstatement . Last november I came off my Lexapro and have been in a horrific place ever since . I see you were able to reinstate and that helped you somewhat stabilize ? How exactly did you go about this ? I am feeling quite desperate . Could use some encouragement and hope .Thanks so very much for any hope you can offer .

[Happy2Heal]

50 minutes ago, Soup said:

Happy to heal ..... I have been reading your posts and was wondering about your reinstatement . Last november I came off my Lexapro and have been in a horrific place ever since . I see you were able to reinstate and that helped you somewhat stabilize ? How exactly did you go about this ? I am feeling quite desperate . Could use some encouragement and hope .Thanks so very much for any hope you can offer .

Hi Soup,

I am so sorry you've not been doing well. 

It's been since early November that you went off the lexapro, right? so a little over 4 mos ago, right?

 

that's just around the same length of time that I was off lexapro before I reinstated.

Now you have to keep in mind two things, one is that everyone is different, so how things went for me, may not be what happens for you.

and number two, I was up and down in my dose of lexapro for many years, so I was severely destabilized. I am hoping that's not the case for you.

 

It was suggested that I reinstate at 1mg, but I was very afraid to go that high, so what I did was to take a tiny tiny TINY bit, and gradually increasing that over the course of several weeks, if I remember correctly, til  I reached a dose of 0.3mgs per day. at that dose, I could breathe better, I didn't have that awful tightness in my chest and some of the panic that I was feeling was damped down a bit.

 

If I tried to go higher than that, my symptoms increased. It was only at that dose that things levelled off a bit. I was also resistant to going much higher, anyway, because I knew that would mean longer to get off. I was stupidly obsessed with how long the process was going to take, rather than in going slowly to avoid escalating symptoms. :/

 

my symptoms took a long time to resolve, but each and every day there was some small improvement. I'm glad I reinstated. it worked out for me.

 

I hope that if this is what you choose to do, that it works for you as well. 
If you are able to get the liquid lexapro or make a solution from the pills, I would suggest using a very tiny starting dose, and waiting to see if it helps.

I felt almost immediate improvement, I mean in a matter of just a few hours; that's how  I knew that I'd made the right decision

 

but most mods will tell you that it takes up to 4 days to see a difference one way or the other.

I don't know if maybe my system metabolises things quickly or what... *shrug*

 

I hope this helps....?

 

[Soup]

Thank you very much for getting back to me . What were your main sxs that bothered you the most ? Were these resolved from reinstating ? 

[Happy2Heal]

3 hours ago, Soup said:

Thank you very much for getting back to me . What were your main sxs that bothered you the most ? Were these resolved from reinstating ? 

oh I'm sorry, I don't really recall but you can go back to my posts from that time period, which would be around October 2016 

I do know that reinstating did not make all the symptoms go away, but it made them more bearable. Please remember, I'd been on and off lexapro at least 3 times, probably a lot more (my memory is not good for those years) so I'd already caused a lot of issues for myself and my poor brain.  I would expect things to be different for someone who has kept their dosing more stable over time.

 

 

[Soup]

Thank you for your help . I am glad that you are doing better now 

[Happy2Heal]

31 minutes ago, Soup said:

Thank you for your help . I am glad that you are doing better now 

you're welcome. I wish there was more I could do, but realistically, I would expect that you will have far fewer problems than I did, so it's not really a good idea to compare us.

You were on a much lower dose for a much shorter time, and even though you came off too fast, you're not likely to have as many problems nor to have them for as long.

 

at least, that's my hope.
ps I posted on your thread

[Soup]

Thank you for your kindness very much.I guess in some ways I am healing as the outright terror and akathasia has passed now I just feel like a zombie which is actually worse .Thank you again 

[Happy2Heal]

On 4/18/2018 at 12:42 PM, Soup said:

Thank you for your kindness very much.I guess in some ways I am healing as the outright terror and akathasia has passed now I just feel like a zombie which is actually worse .Thank you again 

oh just hang on, the zombie feeling will end, just as the terror and akathisia did!! 

it's awful going thru it, I know but it's only temporary.

[Happy2Heal]

update:

everything is continuing to go well except for me getting my diet cleaned up, grrrrrr!

I went off my usual diet and ate baked goods every day for at least a week.

Now I am having a hard time getting back to 'clean' eating

 

I eat well all day but at night, I am still feeling hungry, well not really hungry, I'm usually full, but I am craving things that are not on my diet

 

the craving is awful! I think I am trying to meet emotional needs with food, which won't work of course

 

so now I gotta figure out what those emotional needs are, and how to meet them in a healthier way

 

otherwise, things are going great! the work in my apt is all done, I've got a new ceiling and light in my bedroom, freshly painted walls and a new carpet too!

 

not much else to say.

 

[Soup]

Really it will end I feel like I am in purgatory and  terrified 😭 I feel trapped and not sure what to do . Before all I did was cry now I hardly cry at all ..... 

[Soup]

Oh and I am very happy you are doing great 👍

[Soup]

So you went thru the zombie stage ? 

[Rosetta]

Glad to hear you have a new ceiling and carpet!! I know that had been bugging you. - Rosetta

[Happy2Heal]

On 4/22/2018 at 1:56 PM, Soup said:

So you went thru the zombie stage ? 

hi soup, sorry I'm just seeing this now

 

when you say zombie stage, what do you mean?

if you mean feeling dead and like you have no interest in doing anything, or having anhedonia, which means you get no pleasure out of anything you do, yes I went thru that

 

is that what you meant?

how are you doing now?

[Happy2Heal]

On 4/22/2018 at 6:29 PM, Rosetta said:

Glad to hear you have a new ceiling and carpet!! I know that had been bugging you. - Rosetta

yes it had been bugging me (the ceiling) for 22 years!! I think I must have the patience of a saint to have lived with it this long LOL

now that it's done, sad to say, I already almost take it for granted.

I see how easy it is to get used to having things I once went without and not feeling as grateful for them as perhaps I *should* (although I am not fond of "should's") 

 

I was feeling so well, I kind of over did things, and had a couple of "ick" days, not bad, just not good, ya know?

now I'm slowing myself down some and feel a lot better. I get frustrated that I can't cram as much into each day as I used to. When I lost all that weight, I also lost muscle and a lot of my strength and I really need to work on getting that back.

I'm not really sure how to go about that, though. 
That's on my long list of things to do! LOL

 

how are you doing Rosetta?

[Soup]

I am not doing well at all. I truly feel like I am dead 😭 Can't sleep but can't do anything either . Can't eat hardly at all . Can't really feel my body well ....... 

[Happy2Heal]

oh I am so sorry Soup, but hang in there, you ARE going to feel your body again and feel like you are in it, you will be able to sleep and to eat again

 

is there anything you're up to doing to distract yourself?

 

[Rosetta]

I'm ok.  Having a reprieve from anxiety with more exhaustion and lethargy than usual.  It's as if my systems are all on low.   It's hard to move, but I'm glad the anxiety is low.  That's such a huge relief, I'm not upset about the complete lack of energy.

[Happy2Heal]

11 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

I'm ok.  Having a reprieve from anxiety with more exhaustion and lethargy than usual.  It's as if my systems are all on low.   It's hard to move, but I'm glad the anxiety is low.  That's such a huge relief, I'm not upset about the complete lack of energy.

hmm so weird, I'm having a day with lethargy and just feeling heavy and tired...

I am just gonna lay down and enjoy feeling tired- there was a time not so long ago that I could not feel ANYTHING at all, so this is good, in a twisted kind of way lol

 

yes i'd take no energy over anxiety anytime

Listen to your body, it's probably telling you you need rest

 

I think mine is saying the same thing to me lol

[Soup]

Oh how I would love to feel tired ......

[Rosetta]

Good idea, Happy.  Rest.  I got sleepy again today right before I had to go to get my daughter from school.  @Soup You will someday, and you will appreciate it so much more than you would have before WD.  Hang in there. 

[Soup]

Nothing seems to change I just seem stuck in suspended animation with an occasional freak out of anger 😭😭😭 I am beyond knowing what to do anymore . 

[Happy2Heal]

5 hours ago, Soup said:

Nothing seems to change I just seem stuck in suspended animation with an occasional freak out of anger 😭😭😭 I am beyond knowing what to do anymore . 

just wait it out Soup, try to distract yourself when you can, work on gathering up a tool box full of self care techniques, that's about all you can do.

it's so hard going thru it but it does get better

 

in the meantime try to find at least one good thing each day, one thing that got better or is no longer a problem, no matter how small it is

 

I really think that focusing on the progress one is making helps to bring more progress. And even if it doesn't, focusing on pleasant things, on the good, that is never a bad thing to do, it can't hurt you, right?

 

[Soup]

Thank you for your encouragement really bad day with wicked bad emotions today . But head clanging not here so I am grateful for that . But these wicked emotions are brutal .... doing lots of grounding exercises and walking in my yard trying hard to distract so hard . Husband is beside himself with me can't blame him .... 

[Happy2Heal]

just a quick update-

apparently I am still healing, even though I've been totally off the lexapro now for um, coming up on 7 mos.

I don't notice that I've had symptoms til they are gone... for example, I felt super calm and relaxed on Sunday and realized that for a few days, I'd had a very very low level of anxiousness and a tiny bit of dread. On Sunday it was gone and it was like the sun coming out.

 

but if you had asked me on Saturday how I was doing, I would have told you I was going great, and truly I was, because the level of anxiety was so low it barely registered, you know? it was way way off in the background.

 

So, in the interest of full disclosure I guess you could say I'm still recovering. Or I don't know, maybe that was just garden variety anxiety that had nothing to do with past AD use, I have no idea how one tells the difference.

 

but overall, I'm doing great. I cleaned up my diet and the joint pain I had is mostly gone now, so I feel confident that it was the extra sugary crap I was eating that brought on the pain.

you can detox from food the same as you detox from drugs; it just takes time. and varies from person to person (I've been studying nutrition again, from world famous nutrition experts)

 

so much for quick, eh? LOL

 

I"m getting some new foster rats soon- for the first time in about a year, I'm getting some girls! 

crazy busy little nutballs! should be fun! I hope I have the energy to keep up with them

 

 

all the best to you all dear friends ❤️

 

[Rosetta]

Thanks for a positive update.  Today is tough for me, but reading your thread reminds me that I will heal. Thank you!

[Soup]

So happy to hear  this . I am almost 6 months o;;  and not doing good at all  feeling very trapped and not sure which way to turn😭

[Happy2Heal]

aww Rosetta and Soup, sorry to hear you're not where you want to be YET

 

but you will get there.

 

I sometimes still feel bad about posting about how good I feel  😶

 

but a year ago, I felt sooo soo bad. Even back a few months ago, I was not doing as well as I am now.
I seem to follow much more of a linear pattern than the windows and waves... even from the start, I would notice improvements all the time, and then things didn't ever get worse. Symptoms always got less and less in intensity, duration and frequency.

I am blessed, truly blessed.

 

I am also living a very stress free life, though- no job, no serious money issues, I don't have any family issues, I don't have to move or do any of those other stressful things. I have a good group of friends and things that I'm interested in...so, I mean, as it says on my favorite T shirts "Life is Good"

 

just keep looking ahead to when you're going to be where I am now, because you ARE going to get here. 

and try to find the things that make each day more bearable. That's what I did, anyway.

When I stopped wishing for things to be different, and just accepted the way that things were, even when things were really bad, it just seemed to free up a lot of my energy to put towards actually healing.

at least, that's the way it seem to me. idk, I could have it all wrong

 

[Soup]

Thanks Hun trying so hard to believe .... yea I don't really have the window wave pattern I just seem to be stuck now ..... although the burning, akathasia and head spinning is gone so I guess that is something but I just feel like a zombie like my soul was sucked out 😭😭😭😭😭 and keep writing about how good you feel it keeps me going . I to am lucky lots of support not really any stress except what I put on myself but I try to be kind to myself . 

[Carmie]

16 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

just a quick update-

apparently I am still healing, even though I've been totally off the lexapro now for um, coming up on 7 mos.

I don't notice that I've had symptoms til they are gone... for example, I felt super calm and relaxed on Sunday and realized that for a few days, I'd had a very very low level of anxiousness and a tiny bit of dread. On Sunday it was gone and it was like the sun coming out.

 

but if you had asked me on Saturday how I was doing, I would have told you I was going great, and truly I was, because the level of anxiety was so low it barely registered, you know? it was way way off in the background.

 

So, in the interest of full disclosure I guess you could say I'm still recovering. Or I don't know, maybe that was just garden variety anxiety that had nothing to do with past AD use, I have no idea how one tells the difference.

 

but overall, I'm doing great. I cleaned up my diet and the joint pain I had is mostly gone now, so I feel confident that it was the extra sugary crap I was eating that brought on the pain.

you can detox from food the same as you detox from drugs; it just takes time. and varies from person to person (I've been studying nutrition again, from world famous nutrition experts)

 

so much for quick, eh? LOL

 

I"m getting some new foster rats soon- for the first time in about a year, I'm getting some girls! 

crazy busy little nutballs! should be fun! I hope I have the energy to keep up with them

 

 

all the best to you all dear friends ❤️

 

 

 

What a wonderful update Happy2heal, 

 

I hope everyone reads this. 

 

Thank u sooooo much for sharing💚💚

[SkyBlue]

On 4/30/2018 at 12:35 PM, Happy2Heal said:

 

I sometimes still feel bad about posting about how good I feel  😶

 

 

Happy2heal,

Please continue with the updates and don't feel bad at all for posting about doing well. That buoys everyone's spirits. It's very valuable and helps people remember that there is hope.

[Rosetta]

Yes, please keep posting.  I need to see your progress!  Thanks.

[Happy2Heal]

hi guys

well I am confused.

Every time I think that things can't get better, they actually do.

 

I think what is happening is that my issues now are not really drug withdrawal issues, they are issues of faulty thinking, and perspectives and stuff that would probably be good to work on in something like cognitive behavioral therapy.

 

i make new discoveries about how the ways that i think about things affect how I feel about things, and it's like a new world has opened up to me

 

so that appears to be the reason why things seem to be getting better. I think...? LOL

It's not that I'm still going thru any physical or physiological recovery, it's more like a growth process and learning/ progress instead.

 

I continue to read non fiction books and will have a list to recommend soon, but in the meantime, I continue to have great days and am amazed at how wonderful life is now, when it was just so incredibly awful at this same time last year.

Even just a few months ago, I could never have imagined that I'd arrive where I am now

 

keep going, even when it seems very hard and hopeless because it is NOT, it's just your messed up recovering brain telling you and making you feel like things are bad and always will be

They may not be great for you right now but they ARE getting better and if you look for it, you will be able to find the signs of progress and healing.

 

 

[Soup]

Thank you for this I am struggling so badly so this hope really does help ......