success ☼ Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right

[Happy2Heal]

thanks miT, I appreciate your thoughts
 

 

I have a question in advance of something I plan to do. I am now at approx .016 mgs of liquid lexapro. I have to say approx because it is so hard for me to see this tiny amount in the syringe, I am sure there are days when I get a TINY bit more or less than 0.16

 

Fortunately, it does not seem to cause any issues, but as I get down lower, it's only going to be harder to see how much I've got in the syringe.

 

so, I ordered some graduated cylinders from ebay- super cheap and I'll get a set of 4 of them (only really needed the one, I think, but this was the best price I could find. So i'll have  10, 25, 50, and 100 ml but I guess the one I need is the 100mls??)

liquid lexapro is a 1:1 solution.

 

So my question is, and please keep in mind I have math anxiety, which is why this seems like a huge problem to me LOL

how do I go about using this cylinder to reduce my dose? (and which one do I use?)

Especially, since I am having a hard time seeing the 0.16, should I be putting MORE than that into the cylinder, say .2, since that's easy to see, and then er.............what?

add water?

remove a certain amount of the solution? and how much?

 

the math part makes my brain freeze and I become a babbling idiot, sorry.

You should see me playing cards, esp cribbage, which I love! I get all confused when the count is at, say, 26 and I have to figure out what card I can play and not go over 31, LOL

so I've taken to bringing a "cheat sheet" with me.
I'm sure if i was less anxious, I could do the math if I thought about it, but the math anxiety makes my mind go blank.

 

I am going to try to overcome my math anxiety, but that's a topic for another day and place LOL

 

so, if anyone reading this is good at math and understands the whole reducing using these graduated cylinders, I'd appreciate some assistance

 

As I said, I'm doing ok for now, and I won't have the cylinders til sometime next week, anyway, but I thought I'd plan ahead and get ready for the next step.

 

IN terms of an update- I have had some pretty icky but fortunately short lived waves. They were not super bad, nothing like the acute stuff from almost a year ago, but they were pretty unpleasant.

The GOOD news is, however, that these were immediately followed by being at a BETTER (higher? greater??) level of functioning and feeling more connected to my body, and almost symptom free.

So as awful as those short waves were, I now *almost* welcome them, because they've been followed by pleasantness that I had not thought would be possible.

 

I can see now, slow learner that I am!! LOL that going very slow and staying very steady DOES INDEED MAKE  A HUGE DIFFERENCE!!

 

yes, I am one of those dopes who has to experience these things for myself, and almost always THE HARD WAY hahahaha

 

don't be like me, take the priceless advice given here, and  GO SLOW and keep it STEADY and you will get thru recovery a LOT better than bouncing around in desperation for relief.

 

 

 

ok, gotta get back to work, I'm finally able to do some sewing! I'm THRILLED with this new development.
During recovery, sewing has been hard, and it's always been one of my favorite things to do.
So happy I am able to enjoy this hobby again!

 

hope, love and healing to all,

 

[Happy2Heal]

There are these awesome spreadsheets that a member made for us to use, and that Scallywag and others link to in their signature

 

however, the spead sheets are not working properly

 

not sure who can fix them

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1pw4tjImAJ92OIVyRvZoZYjqxiKMk7wvp-ljiIi1olRo/edit#gid=1079418909

 

Edited July 24, 2017 by scallywag
moved/merged topic

[scallywag]

H2H -- What is the specific problem you're having with the spreadsheet?

 

Ok, I think I found the problem on the microdose tab of that spreadsheet. The calculation fields were not locked and a previous user edited them, resulting in nonsensical values in the calculated doses column. I have locked the dose column so that only I can make edits. 

 

If that hasn't fixed the problem, please either post here in your topic, post in my topic (link in my sig), or send me a PM.

Edited July 24, 2017 by scallywag

[Happy2Heal]

44 minutes ago, scallywag said:

H2H -- What is the specific problem you're having with the spreadsheet?

 

Ok, I think I found the problem on the microdose tab of that spreadsheet. The calculation fields were not locked and a previous user edited them, resulting in nonsensical values in the calculated doses column. I have locked the dose column so that only I can make edits. 

 

If that hasn't fixed the problem, please either post here in your topic, post in my topic (link in my sig), or send me a PM.

yes that's it!!

 

and now it works!! thanks so much SW!

 

 

 

 

[brassmonkey]

Hi H2H--  here are some threads that might be helpful:

 

Questions and answers about liquid medications

How to make a liquid from tablets or capsules

Using an oral syringe and other tapering techniques

Micro-taper instead of 10% or 5% decreases

 

Check those out about your micro taper water titration questions.

[Happy2Heal]

6 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

Hi H2H--  here are some threads that might be helpful:

 

Questions and answers about liquid medications

How to make a liquid from tablets or capsules

Using an oral syringe and other tapering techniques

Micro-taper instead of 10% or 5% decreases

 

Check those out about your micro taper water titration questions.

 

 

hi thanks Brass, I've read all of those and the problem I have is NOT addressed in any of those threads

 

I believe the thing I want to do is a water titration but I have no clue how to do the math

 

guess I'll just muddle thru the way I've been going.

 

[Happy2Heal]

if there's anyone good with math who understands the whole "diluting a liquid with more liquid" and using a graduated cylinder to do what I think is called liquid titration, can you please PM me?

thanks

 

all the "maths" hurts my head, hahaha

 

I am taking 0.16mgs of liquid lexapro, which is also 0.16mls (its' a 1:1 solution)

i want to get the dosing more accurate, since the measurements are so small now.

I THINK I need to mix some of the liquid I have with water, and then take some out and throw it away and then drink the rest, at least that's the way I understand it

but I have NO clue how to do the math for this.

 

They are upset with me at cribbage because I need a cheat sheet for what card you need to keep from going over 31.

 

 

[scallywag]

responded to your questions in the Q&A about liquids topic

[BAT]

Happy 2 heal,

If you feel bad everyday what kind of improvements can you look for?

Edited August 1, 2017 by scallywag
split from another member's intro topic

[Happy2Heal]

3 hours ago, BAT said:

Happy 2 heal,

If you feel bad everyday what kind of improvements can you look for?

 

 

 

by bad, what do you mean?

[tntd]

Hi Happy,

 

I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling so much better after a wave. Are you having less waves at this piont too? I'm so glad that you are getting better and better. I love to hear good stories.

 

I'm having ups and downs now too. It's better than being in a constant wave so I'll take it even though it's hard to go back into a wave. We're getting there. 

 

I hope someone was able to get you all fixed up with your math for your tapering.

 

Hugs and continued healing. 

T

[Frogie]

Hi H2H:

 

Wanted to stop by and say hi.

 

Haven't seen you on so you must be doing really well  Awesome.

 

Have a great weekend!

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Happy2Heal]

quick update,

doing great, still on the same dose (0.15mgs) with no plans to change that anytime soon

 

 

my brain doesn't always work as well as I'd like, and my memory is not great, but that could be my age as well as anything else

[Blondiee1915]

Happy2Heal - thank you for the update, that is very encouraging .  I am happy you are doing well ! Hopefully the memory will improve in time 

keep on going strong ! 

 

B 

[Happy2Heal]

Please take a few minutes to fill out this survey, it's very important, regardless of where you live.
 

https://roehamptonpsych.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6gSHZN88sOmHDlr

 

 

see this post for more info:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15507-prescribed-drug-dependence-withdrawal-survey/#comment-300095

 

[Happy2Heal]

 

a quick update on things.

 

I have been "keeping notes on paper" (what a great idea, so glad that is suggested here!!) 

 

I just basically record good days, bad days and ok days (the bad days are NOT entire bad days, they are days when I have symptoms that I really struggled iwht or that lasted a few hours or so, I have had NO days as bad as the acute withdrawal/crash that I had almost a year ago, thankfully!)

so, for June, there were 6 "bad days" (again, that means just a matter of hours that were difficult) and 5 ok days (some mild symptoms that were quite manageable) the rest of the month, over 20 days, were good days

 

for July, there was one bad day and 3 ok days, the rest of the days were good ones.

 

and so far for this month, we're 19 days in and I have not had a single bad day.  I've even had some days I would consider great.

 

Now, does this mean I feel wonderful all the time? no.

 

Actually, I have finally gotten just what I wanted when I decided to go off this damn drug- I have gotten my feelings back. Sometimes the feelings get a bit out of hand, usually anger, occasionally anxiety and only once, a feeling of depression. These don't last long, thankfully.

 

I do find that stress/anxiety will affect me but in predictable ways, now. If I am anxious about what others are thinking of me, in a social situation, my brain seems to go "off line" and I can't think well.
For example, I play cards a few times a week with a group at the Sr Center. I am not good at math normally, I have math anxiety, but if someone makes a negative comment about how long it takes me to add something, or if I make a mistake with the card I played and my partner gets upset, I get anxious and my brain stops working. It kind of freezes.

 

This and other social issues, are all things that I never got to work on, never had a reason to work on, all the time that I was medicated/over medicated. I had no social life, no friends, and due to the traumatic family situation and early adulthood that I had, I never learned how to make friends and be around people and stuff like that.

 

so now I'm learning all that. At 61 years old!! it's awkward and embarrassing but I figure, better late than never, right?? the recovery/ WD symptoms make it a bit more difficult but not horribly so.

I am finding ways to work around it.

 

The other thing I wanted out of going off the lexapro, was to stop sleeping so much,  and boy did I ever get that LOL I got massive insomnia but even that is gradually improving.

it's just funny to think that a couple of years ago, I  was sleeping so much, my password for a one of my message boards was "sleep24 7" LOL

be careful what you wish for! I didn't want to sleep SO much, but geez, I would like a wee bit more sleep than I get now.

 

but I'm sure that will happen in time.

 

I  have been at .0.15mgs for some time now, and don't plan to reduce that dose at all.

I want at good 6 mos of stability before I even think about going down in the dose.

 

I know 0.15 seems like such a tiny amount, and it is, it's so small I can barely taste the stuff any more (It does not taste great but you get used to it lol)

 

but it's such strong stuff, this lexapro.

I knew that when I reinstated last Oct and felt a difference with only 1/20 of a mg (0.05!!)

plus, I am assuming, that going up and down in the dose over the past 15 or more years has made me super sensitive to it, as well, so you got a strong drug and super sensitive system, you need to be careful.

 

and that is what I'm doing now. There's no reason to rush ahead.

I will get to the end, to zero, eventually. For now, I just want to enjoy feeling good and feeling more like my self.

NOT my old self, mind you, since my "old" self would be decades younger!! I am an older, more tired but somewhat wiser version of that old self.

I am having to deal with my insecurities and other small quirks and it's a lot of work but it's what I asked for, really, when I signed up for this journey. I wanted to know who I was off drugs.

and while I"m not totally off yet, I am feeling much more secure in the sense that most of what I am dealing with now is just life's normal ups and downs and NOT withdrawal symptoms

 

to avoid being more upset by the freezes that my brain does, I just think to myself that it's an age related phenomenon, something that others my age have to deal with, and that helps me relax and recover quicker. I just say, oops, having a Sr moment and everyone laughs it off.

 

guess this was not all that quick or short, eh

[direstraits]

sounds like you're doing great, Happy!...this is so inspiring....keep up the good work.

 

I can relate to the not being socialized properly when younger and not really knowing how to be in the world(very dysfunctional family).

but it's great you're getting out there now and doing things,good for you!

 

and I understand the feeling of brain freeze...I just feel like a dope sometimes but we have to try not to be so hard on ourselves.

like you say,we're having a "senior moment". 

 

take care,ds

[Happy2Heal]

another update,

just got back from the emergency dept at the hospital, after many months of not having any cortisol spikes or only brief ones now and again, I woke up at quarter to 5 with my heart beating erratically and had a feeling it was NOT a cortisol spike, so I got dressed and walked down to the hospital.

I am in afib! 

 with "rapid ventricular response",  as they put it in med-speak, or in other words, with a very high heart rate.

 

they immediately wanted to do all sorts of interventions BUT I am so proud of myself! I stayed calm (as calm as one can be when doctors are eager to shoot electricity thru your heart!!) and advocated for myself, telling them that all of the interventions that they have done in the past, made things worse, and that for ME personally, it is better to let me go home and convert back to normal rhythm on my own. The ER doc (not a cardiologist) tells me, in 10 years I've never seen ANYONE convert from afib on their own (I was thinking, "that's probably because you never give them the chance" but I held my tongue and just told her that I was sure that cardiologists see this often)

 

My heart rate was spiking over 225 though, so I did consent to a very small dose of a beta blocker IV.  they wanted to give me 10 to 15 mgs, the usual dose. I managed to convince them that a LOWER dose would be safer and wiser for me, if they gave me what they wanted to, my BP would plummet and I'd be stuck not being able to get home.

So I watched the nurse administer the beta blocker, while she monitored my BP and I monitored my heart rate, and when it came down to 150,I told her to stop, By then she'd  only given me 2 mgs but I knew it was going to be enough.

 

I am still in afib, and now have to see a cardiologist and find out what blood thinner to use, and when, because being in afib for a certain length of time, can cause clots to form in the atria/ atrium? and then that can cause a stroke....

 

but I managed to get out of there without them doing anything more that would likely have been harmful to me.

 

I did have to sign out AMA as they didn't want me to leave til my heart rate was under 100, but I can monitor that myself at home. My heart rate didn't shoot up too high until AFTER I got to the ER and learned that I was actually in afib.

I had been working under the theory that my afib was caused by the high doses of ADs, esp the SSRIs, but now I am not so sure.

 

 

Otherwise, I'm doing ok. The nurse tried to manipulate me into taking more of the beta blocker, saying that I was making her feel bad, and I told her, well if you really cared, as you claim, you would respect my wishes to have the LEAST amount of drugs that are effective.
When she tried to make me feel bad for her again, I said, well, as a rape survivor, what goes IN to my body is very much something I need to control.

That shut her up!!! (yes I am a rape and incest survivor)

 

 

so, fun morning... NOT

 

otherwise things are going well. I was able to sleep a total of 8 hrs just the  night before last, for the first time in about a year, that was awesome!
 

one bad night is not going to spoil that for me!!

 

 

[Frogie]

OMG!

 

Are you ok?

 

You were doing so well yesterday, and this this morning. Please, please, call the cardiologist and get this taken care of.

 

Rest and take care of yourself. I'll be thinking of you.

 

I guess we have to be sick at the same time lol...

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Happy2Heal]

I'm not sick, I just have an irregular heart beat, that is very common

 

I'm fine!! No worries!!

these damn doctors often just make things worse, so I am checking with the people in the AFib forum to find out if and when I need anticoagulant therapy to avoid a stroke

 

that's the only risk factor, the afib itself is more or less harmless, just annoying.

[direstraits]

glad you're OK.....that sounds scary.

((((((((((H2H)))))))))

[Frogie]

18 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

I'm not sick, I just have an irregular heart beat, that is very common

 

I'm fine!! No worries!!

these damn doctors often just make things worse, so I am checking with the people in the AFib forum to find out if and when I need anticoagulant therapy to avoid a stroke

 

that's the only risk factor, the afib itself is more or less harmless, just annoying.

Keep me up to date how you are doing.

 

[Happy2Heal]

there won't be any news Frogie and I don't come on here often so don't be watching for anything

after all this time dealing with recovery I just want to get on with my life and leave all this stuff behind me

 

 

[Frogie]

Just now, Happy2Heal said:

there won't be any news Frogie and I don't come on here often so don't be watching for anything

after all this time dealing with recovery I just want to get on with my life and leave all this stuff behind me

 

 

I don't blame you. Just want to know you are doing ok. 

[Happy2Heal]

thanks Frogie, and thank you for calling to check on me (I just now found the voice message)

 

on Friday, after consulting with the afib forum, I got a ride from a friend to a different hospital ER and was admitted to the cardiac ward.
Stupid me, a heart rate that is persistently over 140 or so *while* also being in afib, is dangerous, and my heart rate was in the 180 to 225 range.

I was told that there were signs of an impending heart attack on my EKG, that scared me a bit. OK it scared me a lot. I burst into tears and asked if I could call my family. *blush*

They immediately prepared me to be electro cardoverted (shocking the heart with those paddles like you see on tv) But said they'd only do that if things got worse. Thankfully, things never got worse!

They gave me more IV beta blockers and monitored me til yesterday morning. I finally converted back to normal heart rhythm around 9 or 10 am.  and was discharged shortly after that. I've got to take a blood thinner, and low dose aspirin (only until they've done more tests to assess my heart attack risk; aspirin does NOT help prevent strokes that are caused by afib, only a blood thinner like warfarin or eliquis or xeralto can do that)

I was also put on twice daily lopressor, (metoprol) which is a beta blocker, but I am going to see if I can start to taper off that, since my heart rate is only high WHEN I am in afib, and I only have afib episodes every 4 to 8 YEARS. (at least, up til now, this may change as I get older, who knows?)
Still, it doesn't make sense to me, to be taking a rate control drug all the time, when I have so few episodes.

I will ask my new cardiologist.

I am also going to switch my regular primary care doctor. Right now the one I have is affiliated with the hospital that gave me the worst care, so I want to switch to a dr who works with the other hospital!

 

 

yes DS it did turn out to be scary, once I realized that my heart was dangerously high.  I am so bad with numbers, 100 and 200 register in my brain as "not all that different" so I wasn't as alarmed as I should have been by a heart rate over 200

 

 

but it's fine now, and with any luck, will stay fine for at least another 4 years!

 

 

[Frogie]

2 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

thanks Frogie, and thank you for calling to check on me (I just now found the voice message)

 

on Friday, after consulting with the afib forum, I got a ride from a friend to a different hospital ER and was admitted to the cardiac ward.
Stupid me, a heart rate that is persistently over 140 or so *while* also being in afib, is dangerous, and my heart rate was in the 180 to 225 range.

I was told that there were signs of an impending heart attack on my EKG, that scared me a bit. OK it scared me a lot. I burst into tears and asked if I could call my family. *blush*

They immediately prepared me to be electro cardoverted (shocking the heart with those paddles like you see on tv) But said they'd only do that if things got worse. Thankfully, things never got worse!

They gave me more IV beta blockers and monitored me til yesterday morning. I finally converted back to normal heart rhythm around 9 or 10 am.  and was discharged shortly after that. I've got to take a blood thinner, and low dose aspirin (only until they've done more tests to assess my heart attack risk; aspirin does NOT help prevent strokes that are caused by afib, only a blood thinner like warfarin or eliquis or xeralto can do that)

I was also put on twice daily lopressor, (metoprol) which is a beta blocker, but I am going to see if I can start to taper off that, since my heart rate is only high WHEN I am in afib, and I only have afib episodes every 4 to 8 YEARS. (at least, up til now, this may change as I get older, who knows?)
Still, it doesn't make sense to me, to be taking a rate control drug all the time, when I have so few episodes.

I will ask my new cardiologist.

I am also going to switch my regular primary care doctor. Right now the one I have is affiliated with the hospital that gave me the worst care, so I want to switch to a dr who works with the other hospital!

 

 

yes DS it did turn out to be scary, once I realized that my heart was dangerously high.  I am so bad with numbers, 100 and 200 register in my brain as "not all that different" so I wasn't as alarmed as I should have been by a heart rate over 200

 

 

but it's fine now, and with any luck, will stay fine for at least another 4 years!

 

 

I am so glad you are ok. You scared me girl!

 

Keep me up to date on what's going on.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Happy2Heal]

nothing "going on"  here except life

 

 

just livin life and enjoying it!

and staying as far away from negative stuff as possible

 

that turns out to be much harder than one would think- seems everyone has some bad news or tragic story or the like that they just feel the need to talk about, and usually non stop

 

searching for upbeat positive people is my mission, and it's turning out to be quite the project!!

 

 

[Frogie]

You must be better, you seem to be upbeat.

 

I'm glad you're doing better.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Hibari]

Good to hear you are all right after all you have gone through these past few days.  .

 

I hear you about the search for positive people.  For years I hung out with frustrated, negative people including me!  Realized after some good therapy and this wd experience that I kept recreating versions of my mother (who I did love).  Now it's all about building positivity within myself even during these icky days of wd. 

 

Wishing you continued and steady healing. 

 

H

[Happy2Heal]

just popping in with an update

 

things continue to improve, even though I didn't think that was possible

 

I feel almost totally healed and back to "normal" whatever that is, LOL

 

Met the new cardiologist, he said I could discontinue the aspirin, stop the blood thinners when I finish the month's worth I got, and then we'll start reducing the beta blocker

 

I discontinued the lamictal and the only thing I noticed was some increased ringing in my ears, mostly when it's quiet.

 

hope this finds everyone doing well.

 

[Alice1]

That's so wonderful H2H . I really am glad you are feeling so well .. I'm jealous..

[Frogie]

1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

just popping in with an update

 

things continue to improve, even though I didn't think that was possible

 

I feel almost totally healed and back to "normal" whatever that is, LOL

 

Met the new cardiologist, he said I could discontinue the aspirin, stop the blood thinners when I finish the month's worth I got, and then we'll start reducing the beta blocker

 

I discontinued the lamictal and the only thing I noticed was some increased ringing in my ears, mostly when it's quiet.

 

hope this finds everyone doing well.

 

I'm glad everything's going so well for you!

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Hibari]

Great to hear you news and I wish you the best over this next period.  More healing of whatever needs healing over the period.

 

So nice to hear you are feeling well.

[Happy2Heal]

13 hours ago, Hibari said:

More healing of whatever needs healing over the period.

 

 

thanks Hibari, Frogie and Alice1

 

 

 

 

Hibari, I don't know what else might need to heal. I feel like there isn't anything that could improve, but then, I've felt that way in the past, only to suddenly feel better and be surprised that I was living with a symptom I wasn't even aware of. That should give you an idea of how mild the symptom had to be!

 

I do have some ringing in my ears from time to time, but I honestly don't know if I had that before, and it's just annoying.

 

I am able to sleep well now, I have even taken a day time nap.

I have a good appetite and have stopped losing weight. I no longer get night sweats or chills.

 

I think I might still be sensitive to stress, but considering that I was put on psych meds as a teenager, chances are I've always been "sensitive" to stress. I have def suffered many traumas in my life but in spite of them I am doing well.

 

I started this journey in to get off lexapro in June of 2015

I had tried a few times before then, to go off this evil drug, and felt so bad I went right back on it. This time I was determined to get this poison out of my system.

 

It's been a challenging couple of years but I feel like I've finally entered the final stretch. I imagine my brain is still "fine tuning" things and is not fully healed, and may not be fully healed for some time yet, but at least there are no longer any distressing symptoms. Really, no symptoms at all, as far as I can tell!!

 

and for that I am very grateful.

 

although I held out hope that I would recover, there were times when things looked so bleak, I was worried that I might not make it thru this.

Now I have renewed confidence in my body's ability to heal itself.

 

I have every reason to believe that we can all heal from the toxic effects of these chemicals.

I hope that everyone recovers quickly

 

I have to say that focusing on the positives did help, and it continues to help me in my every day life.
If I start to feel a bit down, as everyone does from time to time, I will remind myself to think of what is going RIGHT and not all the bad things that have happened, or worse, MIGHT happen :/ and this brings my mood up right away.

It may not bring my mood all the way up to "happy" , it seems sometimes only chocolate can do that, hahaha, , but it keeps me on an even keel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Happy2Heal]

 

 

Omgoodness, how could I have forgotten just how strong this stupid drug is!?!

I got a bit *too* optimistic, thinking, since I was doing so well, I could speed up the taper a bit.

 

um. no.
Just no.

 

morning dread and anxiety back, night sweats and chills too.  I dropped from 0.12 to 0.10 but have gone right back to 0.12 and will just hold for a few more weeks before attempting another drop.

 

I was feeling so well, I honestly thought that I was done with this whole ordeal.

I should know better, I suppose, especially when you see what small doses I've been on (and many others as well)  It's just astonishing how strong these chemicals are. I shudder to think what they've done to my/our brains, and how remarkable it is that we do heal from this chemical assault.

 

 

well, back on the 0.12, I  was able to sleep well last night,.I actually fell asleep around 6 pm while I had company, how embarrassing! but woke up to see him off, and then fell back asleep til 4 am!

 

so, I guess I will just trudge along at this snail's pace, hoping to finish up the taper by next June I guess. These smaller doses are hard to draw up so I think I'm going to have to mix the liquid with water.

 

I have several extra bottles of liquid lexapro so I no longer need to go to the mental health center to get more, and have discontinued "therapy". It wasn't the least bit helpful.  The mental health system seems to work on the theory that there is something "wrong" with us that needs their "assistance" to "fix".
I have learned that even if there are things that I need to work on, having someone point out what they think are my flaws and shortcomings, is completely counter productive.

It doesn't really take all that much skill, I believe, to find fault, to look for what is "wrong", basically, to judge. We can all do that easily enough, and some of us, with more sensitive dispositions, tend to judge ourselves especially harshly. I know I do.

I need, or at least, I want, to surround myself with people who are able to see what is good about me, and others, and in day to day life as well. To focus on the positive.

It is a much harder but far more rewarding pursuit.

 

My new goal is now to find the good in other people, not just "good things" in general. It is so easy to notice the things that annoy us or disappoint us about the people around us. But I've noticed a huge difference in  how people respond when I compliment them sincerely.  I see how they brighten up and start to look at themselves in a more positive manner.  It is taking a lot of work to find the words, the language, of sincere compliments. I grew up with nothing but harsh criticism and judgements. So it's like learning a foreign language. But it's worth the effort, I think.

If I can be kinder to others, hopefully that will rub off on me, and I might learn to treat myself a bit more kindly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[LexAnger]

13 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

I should know better, I suppose, especially when you see what small doses I've been on (and many others as well)  It's just astonishing how strong these chemicals are. I shudder to think what they've done to my/our brains, and how remarkable it is that we do heal from this chemical assault.

 

I feel exact the same about how crazy these drugs are and am always amazed by the healing ability of the huma brain!

So so many of us are finding the extreme difficulties tapering at the very tiny doses. I too felt things couldn't go any worse dropping doses like 0.02 mg from the previous 0.04mg, boom, I have been in the worst situation ever since for the past month without any sign of stabilizing even I usually do fairly quickly. No one would believe how powerful the incredible tiny dose can do to a sensitized CNS, or probably how sensitized a CNS can become from the trauma caused by these drugs. If not for the trial and error test, we would never know how much is too much to taper at the tiny dose.

 

You are lucky in that you can go back to the previous dose. Once I made a drop, going back would cause even greater harm from reaction. 

 

Hope you stabilize quickly at 0.12mg.