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☼ Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right


Happy2Heal

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  • Mentor

thanks so much LexAnger

 

so you are on 0.02 now? and still having trouble? my goodness this is a strong drug!

I am feeling better, thank you

 

I've noticed some ringing in my ears that is lasting all day long, and have just learned that it's a side effect of the beta blocker

:/

 

I hate drugs! I'll be happy when I can reduce the dose of the beta blocker!

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Mentor

Time for a quick update and to let you know that I'm hosting a support group for folks in my area (NH) who are coming off psych meds, I will post the info in the Events section, I guess??

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/forum/23-events-controversies-actions/

 

if this is not where it belongs, please feel free to move it and let me know where something like this is supposed to go, thanks

 

 

I am coming up on the one year anniversary of my terrible "crash" last Fall.  I've been a bit nervous about the same thing happening again, which makes little sense, since I reinstated at that time and have been carefully tapering ever since, but I guess it's kind of a PTSD thing to be worried about a re occurance.

 

Overall, I would say that I'm healed, because I have very few symptoms and the ones I have a mild. However, I do still have symptoms that can't really be attributed to anything except for withdrawal, aka "recovery".

So I am not fully healed yet.

 

I am learning to deal with uncomfortable emotions. It's not always a lot of fun. It's funny when I think about my reasons for wanting to get off the meds. I wanted to FEEL things again,  my emotions were so blunted on the drugs.

Now I *can* feel, and I feel a wide range of emotions, some I barely recognize. So much seems very new to me. I feel like this is a partial re birth. At other times,I get glimpses of the person I was, decades ago, PRE drugs/meds.
I grieve for the time lost to these terrible toxic drugs, but I also wonder, how would things have been different if I had not gone on them? would things have really been better? there is NO way to know that, none. I can only guess.

Would I have been able to avoid this horrible experience of withdrawal and recovery, sure! but I'm learning so much thru it, and well, it just IS, so there's no sense really trying to figure out what might have been different.

 

It's best to use my energy for just living in the HERE and NOW

 

overall, things are good for me. I have some thing I never had before in my life, I have a great core group of friends as well as a good group of acquaintances, some who might become friends in time.


I also wanted to feel empathy again, something that can only come with feeling your own emotions, I believe. I sometimes wish for LESS empathy now, as I often feel upset, sometimes even hopeless, about the suffering of others. I know it's good to care, but sometimes it feels like too much.  Sometimes I need to withdraw from the world a bit just to re establish a balance between caring and being overwhelmed.

 

 

I am now down to 0.10 mgs of liquid lexapro. It is such a tiny tiny bit that I'm often tempted to just not take it at all, but since I am still have some mild symptoms from time to time, I'll just keep dropping it down slowly.

I think I"m at the point where I need to mix it with water, since it's so hard to draw up such a small amount in the syringe.

 

If I were to mix 5mgs with 5 mgs of water, what dose would I be taking? yes, math still confounds me lol

 

ok now to go write up the Support Group post for anyone who lives in the area, if they'd like to attend.

 

health and healing to you all,

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Mentor

support group post:

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Mentor

Hi just popping in to let you know, if you are in the north eastern part of MA or in southern NH (or thereabouts) there's a support group meeting this coming Thurs  in Manchester NH, please PM me for information if you're interested.

 

 

not much to report, except that I've gotten down to 0.05mgs and it seems like such a tiny amnt, just a drop really, that I may stop that soon.

 

I have been sleeping better and feeling as close to what I recall as my "normal" in the past week or so.

I still have waves but they are TINY and very short.

 

I am now left to deal with the issues that led me to go on all those drugs in the first place, hahaha!
I do have some work to do, but I feel like I'm up for the challenge.

 

after what I've been thru the past couple of years, I feel like I could handle almost anything.

 

I am starting to appreciate the strength that it took to get thru all this, and to feel more confident in my abilities to adjust and adapt to the changes that life brings us all.

 

there's a ton of stuff I no longer take for granted, that's for sure!

 

 

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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Great to hear about you. 

Hope the minimum remaining issues get sorted out asap.

08/13 - 01/14
Olanzapine, petril MD (Clonazepam ), Dicorate ER (divalproex). Soza 10 (Zolpidem)

02/14 - 05/14
Flunil ​20mg , Divaa OD 250 mg(divalproex), Amisulpride 50mg (1-0-2), zolfresh 5 mg , Quetiapine
05/14 - 08/14 Venlafaxine 75 xr ( 1-0-1), zapiz 0.25
10/14 Zaptra 12.5mg , Oxetol xr 150mg (0-0-1)
11/14 - 08/15
Paris CR 25 (paroxetine) , Oxetol xr 600 mg (0-0-1), nitrest 5mg , Quetiapine for a month.
09/15-11 Venlafaxine XR 75 ( 1-0-1), Mirtazipine 15, Respiredal 0.5, Lamitor 25, zillion 10.
12/15-02/16 Off Meds (C.T)

03/16-Mid April Sertraline, Aripropazole, Quetiapine, Etizolam.

After that : CT and on OTC supplements (Roadback), now on Ayurveda
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A question -

Did you find sth other than omega-3 n magnesium  supplement that help ?

08/13 - 01/14
Olanzapine, petril MD (Clonazepam ), Dicorate ER (divalproex). Soza 10 (Zolpidem)

02/14 - 05/14
Flunil ​20mg , Divaa OD 250 mg(divalproex), Amisulpride 50mg (1-0-2), zolfresh 5 mg , Quetiapine
05/14 - 08/14 Venlafaxine 75 xr ( 1-0-1), zapiz 0.25
10/14 Zaptra 12.5mg , Oxetol xr 150mg (0-0-1)
11/14 - 08/15
Paris CR 25 (paroxetine) , Oxetol xr 600 mg (0-0-1), nitrest 5mg , Quetiapine for a month.
09/15-11 Venlafaxine XR 75 ( 1-0-1), Mirtazipine 15, Respiredal 0.5, Lamitor 25, zillion 10.
12/15-02/16 Off Meds (C.T)

03/16-Mid April Sertraline, Aripropazole, Quetiapine, Etizolam.

After that : CT and on OTC supplements (Roadback), now on Ayurveda
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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Mentor
On 10/8/2017 at 7:31 AM, bhasski said:

A question -

Did you find sth other than omega-3 n magnesium  supplement that help ?

 

Hi sorry I am just seeing this now


I didn't do omega 3, supplements, they made me too anxious, but I did eat fish about once a week. I  no longer eat fish that often, due to concerns about mercury.

 

the magnesium I've been taking for years, long before I started withdrawal- I take it for a heart condition.

I did notice that if I forgot it, I'd not feel as well, more anxiety mostly.

 

I did have good luck with gylcine, but many others have not. It's pretty individual, what things work and what things don't.

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Mentor

well, it was such a non event, I can't even tell you exactly what day I did it, but I'm at ZERO!

No lexapro, no lamictal, no pysch drugs at all

 

I'm FREE!

 

as was the pattern for pretty much all of my recovery, each day I felt better and better.

Even when I thought I couldn't get any better, I did.

 

That seems to be the case even now. I think, this is it, I can't improve any more, but then I have a day like today, and I see that there were still a few tiny things that needed to be tweaked.

 

 

 

I rarely have any ringing in my ears,  my appetite has returned and I sleep pretty well, for my age. I still get up a lot during the night, to go to the bathroom or check on my rats or play with my new foster cat  :)

 

after being on psych meds almost non stop since the age of 18, I am finally OFF of them FOR GOOD!

 

 

 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
changed font size

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Great news, H2H!

 

Hoping we'll see a success story soon!

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus
5 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

after being on psych meds almost non stop since the age of 18, I am finally OFF of them FOR GOOD!

 

Congratulations!

 

Remember not to lock up and lose the key to your toolkit.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • Mentor
8 hours ago, apace41 said:

Great news, H2H!

 

Hoping we'll see a success story soon!

 

Best,

 

Andy

thanks so much Andy

I thought you have to be off meds for a year before you can post a success story....?


I feel pretty much fully recovered. ;-)

 

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Mentor
3 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Congratulations!

 

Remember not to lock up and lose the key to your toolkit.

thank you so much ChessieCat

 

hehhehe, anyone who knows me, knows that I keep all of my tools out in the open where I can find them quickly and easily. I mean this both literally and figuratively

 

;-)

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

 Gradually tapered very slowly, current dose (Oct 2107) ZERO!!!

 

I think you might have been a bit excited typing ZERO and didn't realise that you had put the year as 2107.  I did the same thing at work recently.

 

 

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • Mentor
8 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 Gradually tapered very slowly, current dose (Oct 2107) ZERO!!!

 

I think you might have been a bit excited typing ZERO and didn't realise that you had put the year as 2107.  I did the same thing at work recently.

 

 

  ROFL!!

 

gotta fix that, thanks

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment

H2H - such amazing news ! Congratulations, you so deserve it .  I think around this time in October I joined this site and you were so supportive while going through tough times yourself .  Looking forward to reading your success story and please stay in touch 

 

04/10 Luvox 25 mg PM, Nortriptyline 1 mg PM

03/08/19: Buspar 2.5 mg AM, 5 mg PM

01/01/19: Xanax 0.125 AM 5 times a week. Occasionally, 0.125 twice a day AM & noon

12/18 Armour Thyroid 60 mg (for hypothyroidism) 

 

Supplements: B Complex, B12 (adeno), multi-vitamin, D, Adrenal Cortex, iron

  • Lexapro 20 mg 2007 - 2013 with various attempts to stop
  • 2013 found a new Dr and started trying other meds: Prozac, Notryptoline, Effexor, Buspar, Gabapentin, Paxil, Nardil
  • Lexapro 15 mg 2015 - 04/2016
  • Vibryiid 10 - 15mg 05/16-06/16 
  • NO MEDS 07/16 - 10/31/16
  • Reinstated 10/31/16 at 2.5 mg lexapro, increased to 5 mg   
  • 1/13/17 switched to Luvox 50 mg before bed
  • 1/20/17 Luvox 37.5 mg PM
  • 12/18 Luvox 10 mg PM, Nortriptyline 2 mg (started Nortriptyline 06/17 at 10 mg)
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Congratulations!  So happy for you, this is a big accomplishment.  

9/2013-4/2014:  After moms death, was prescribed a series of meds for short periods of time that didn't work. Zoloft, Lexapro,  Nortriptyline, Liquid Prozac, Cymbalta. 

1/2014-9/2014. Clonzapam: Given Lamictal, stopped Clonzapam at .125mgs  

1/2015-4 2017 Remeron: 41.25 -0.025mgs

7/2015-11/2018 Lamictal: 200mgs-0.05 mgs Had paradoxical reaction to Lamictal wd, broke my heart to take a benzo but wasn't sleeping. 

3/28/2019 -2/5/ 2021  Clonazapam: 0.625mgs-.00115 Med Free 

July 27th, 2022**Severe Setback due to surgery/ anesthesia. 

9/7/22-10/4/22 Trazadone 50-100mgs for sleep, 10/13/22-11/13/22 Trazadone 1 mg to stabilize

10/4/22-11/20/22 Remeron 7.5mgs (for sleep doesn't work) 11/20/22 7.3 - 12/31/22 6.3 

2023: 1/18/23 6.1 - 6/6/23 3.6  6/16 3.4  6/28 3.0 7/12 2.7  7/28 2.5 8/11 2.2 8/23 2.0  9/5 1.8  9/16 1.6  9/30 1.4  10/13 1.2  10/26 1.0  11/9 0.8  11/22 0.6  12/6 0.4  12/23 0.2.

2024 1/4/24  Remeron/Mirtazapine free 

Additional Support:  Armour Thyroid 75mgs, Magnesium Glycinate 300-500mgs,  L-theanine 

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  • Moderator

Congratulations Happy2Heal. Welcome to your new life.

 

((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

 

Brass

 

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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I read your thread today and am so impressed with your ability to get through so much and make it to zero.  Very inspirational - congratulations!!

-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper (essentially CT); withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin after 4 mos. Several unsuccessful slow tapers of Zoloft; went up and down in dose a lot

-Spring 2013 back on 1 mg Klonopin to counter WD symptoms; switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to 35 mg citalopram
-Two attempts at slow tapering citalopram, always increased dose due to WD; also increased Klonopin to 1.25 mg in 2014, then to 1.5 mg in 2015

-8/17-9/17: After holding one year at 20 mg, feeling withdrawal symptoms due to stress - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg I 2020: 10.89 mg - 7.9 mg I 2021: 7.8 mg - 5.26 mg I 2022: 5.2 mg - 3.36 mg I 2023: 3.3 mg - 1.47 mg 2024: 1/5/24: 1.44 mg; 1/19/24: 1.40 mg; 1/26/24: 1.37 mg; 2/2/24: 1.34 mg; 2/9/24: 1.31 mg; 2/23/24: 1.28 mg; 3/1/24: 1.25 mg; 3/8/24: 1.22 mg; 3/15/24: 1.19 mg

 

 

Link to comment

nice to read some good news.

it's inspiring...thanks.

congrats!  ds

went on Prozac 1994-99,60mg.poopout ct  back on 2001-2002,prozac weekly 2002,not working,Effexor 75 mg.?2003-mar.2004 gaining weight 8wk. taper,wellbutrin 150 mg.mar. -may 2004 ctmedfree til july 2005 back to Prozac gaining weight again,back on wellbutrin jan.2006150-300 mg.bad constipation.also was taking aygestin(hormone)perimenopausal irregular bleeding.back on Prozac around sept,?2006,hysterectomy jan30.2007(adenomyosis)off&on Prozac til 2009,citalopram about 1 mo, April 2010 no effect,Effexor again may -mar, 2011.ct,Prozac aug,-dec, 2011 &sept-nov 2012,paroxetine oct,23 2013-may 4 2014 20 mgs.tapered 6 wks.-failed RI in Oct.2014-in protracted WD.started 10 mgs. Fluoxetine May 25 2021 .Stopped fluoxetine May 2022 at 5 mgs.

Link to comment
  • Mentor

thanks everyone

 

well soon I will have a real test of my recovery and my non drug coping skills

 

 

there are about 5 small trees along the side of the apt building where I live. I have enjoyed them, their shade, and the birds and squirrels that live in them.

But they have gotten too big and are hitting the bldg, causing damage to it.

The city inspector told the landlord he has to take them down.

 

I love trees,  and I cry when they are cut down.  We have lost 3 beautiful trees since I moved in here over 20yrs ago, and each time I was quite depressed about the loss.

 

Now we are losing the only ones left, the ones along the north side of my apt.

 

I am already sad about, it, but once it really  happens, I anticipate it's going to be a big adjustment for me.

I'll have more light in my apt, this is true, which is nice for the Fall and winter. but  next summer- ew!

 

and no more beautiful leaves and singing birds and frolicking squirrels.

 

I am going to have to find a way to handle the sadness. I hope to just grieve for the loss without getting depressed. Grief is a good thing, but depression, I can't see anything good about that.

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Mentor

I am amazed-

I thought I was fully recovered, that I could not get any better......

 

and yet, almost every day since getting to "zero",  I've felt better than the day before. I don't mean, happy or anything like that, just overall better.

More settled in my own body. My vision is improving every day. I rarely have any ringing in my ears. My sleep improves each night too.
I don't sleep super well, but that's at least in part due to the fact that right now I'm taking care of a very sick rat, and need to check on her thru the night. that has thrown my schedule off, so I'm eating too late at night sometimes (that interferes with good sleep) and of course, having to put lights on for a half hour or so thru out the night, that throws off melatonin production, etc etc

 

but overall, I keep feeling stronger, more calm, more optimistic about the future and more confident.


I have had a few instances that could have been very emotional, where in the past, I would have been overwhelmed and possibly gone into  an emotional spiral, but I handled this situations well

 

I am glad that I stopped reading other people's stories, here, for awhile. They were very helpful at first, to reassure me that what I was going thru was "normal" for withdrawal

and the support I got thru the rough patches- I am so grateful for!!

 

but there comes a time in recovery where you need to think more about your life and less about the withdrawal and the symptoms and just dive in and LIVE.

 

it's hard, but you have to give up the fear and take the plunge.

 

I had days, hell, I had weeks, when I was sure I was doomed to that awful life of symptoms for the rest of my life. I had days when I was worried I would not survive this ordeal.

 


I am so glad I stuck it out, because the life I have now is SO much better than anything I've had in the past. SO MUCH BETTER!! 

 

 

I still have moments, esp if I've watched the news, when a bit of those feelings of gloom and doom creep in, but they are short lived. And I know now, that feeling like things are "doomed" does not mean that anything actually IS doomed- it's JUST A FEELING. that's all. It will pass.

 

my notes to myself on my fridge that said "my thoughts can't hurt me"  "the past can't hurt me" got me thru those times when I was scared and panicking

 

 

I'd love to write my success story, but I don't know if there's some rule about that, I thought I'd read that you need to be a year off the meds..........?

if someone can please let me know, that would be great

 

I'd love to be able to give someone who is struggling as I was just a short year ago, some hope.

 

 

now off to make my costume for the Halloween party today!! I'm going as a black NYC alley cat who caught Pizza rat.
Goggle PIZZA rat if you don't know what I"m talking about LOL

 

there's a video of the real rat and lots of funny comments too

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment

That's fantastic. I'm so happy for you as I know we all are. You are a success story already but if memory serves me, I think it is a year off medication before we encourage posting a success story. In the meantime, you can always write here ...

 

I'm sure there are many who could use some of your encouragement and positivity. It's always so lovely to see one of our's get back to a meaningful and happy life.

 

Best wishes,

Ali

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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Congratulations!  Am a little jealous of the "I'm free" ;)!  Best wishes on continued healing.  Keep us updated on how you are doing.

PAST

Gabapentin:  about 6 months in 2015, 300-900 mg, cold turkeyed Sept 2015 (at same time dc'd Klonopin)

Klonopin: June 2014- Sept 2015; 1mg tapered over 6 mths, dc'd at 0.25mg, withdrawal hellish (perhaps because of concurrent dc of gabapentin)

Mirtazepine: Jumped off at 2.4 mg. (stable in 8 months).

Seroquel:  June 14 - July 24, 2016, 25 mg alternate nights; smaller doses for shorter periods. Total use about 3 months 

Lamictal: March 19, 2018 - 1 mg; March 23 - 1.25 mg; April 6 - 2mg. Discontinued at 2 mgJuly 1, 2018 due to Steven Johnson Syndrome.

 

CURRENT

Supplements: Vit D, turmeric

Naturethroid: 65 mcg for hypothyroidism

Trazodone: Oct 2015 - June 2016; 75 mg tapered over 2 mths, intense w/d after 3 weeks. Reinstatement: 07/25/16 - 25 mg; updosed 08/03/16 - 50 mg;  10/01/16-  62mg; 03/24/17 dropped to 50 mg (stable in 2.5 months)

                           Current psych meds: Trazodone 50 mg

Link to comment
  • Mentor

thanks AliG and Survivor1

I totally understand now why so many people get off the meds and never come back here. Recovery was like a trauma,  one you really want to put in the past.

 

plus once you are finally able to live your life again, you get super busy!

 

but I will try to come back from time to time.

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Administrator

Very happy to hear you're doing better.

 

I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbo l☼ to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Hello happy2heal

i just wanted to write and say thank you for posting how much better you are. As I am still trying to get some stability from 1mg lexapro you have definitely given me hope for the future. I have always taken my dose in a little water so presumably that’s ok as I see you resorted to doing that when reducing.  If I ever get stable long enough to reduce then I will look out for the tiny 1mg measuring syringe. 

2006 After sudden death of mother put on 20mg of citaloprom for depression. 

2014 Drug stopped working after two weeks of panic attacks felt fine. 

Aug 2014. Doctor put me on lyrica for rash on face, diarrhoea, sleeplessness,muscle cramp, bruising. Initial dose too strong, halved dose.  Stopped taking it 22/10/14

2014 severe anxiety after several ssri's attempted, seem to have developed severe  sensitivity to any drug, but giving severe  reactions put on cipralex drop form.started on 2 drops and had to increase by 1 drop every 3 days. Eventually got to 12 drops and had to stop as side effects every step of the way dreadful. Psychiatrist kept telling me to stick with it and my body would get used to it.  Eventually down to 8 drops. Bad reactions throughout the time I was on it

Have been on this until may 2017. Stopped over two weeks. Felt fine for 5 weeks after initial dizziness, nightmares, nausea, insomnia.  

Given diazepam by gp and told to take them when anxiety bad. Have only taken them very rarely as they frighten me. 

Last two weeks severe anxiety returned and feeling hopeless 

11July 2017. Cipralex 2mg. Anxiety, nausea still severe

13 July 2017 Cipralex 1mg due to advice of too high dosage  by kind person on thus site. so dropped from 2mg to 1mg and feelings of anxiety still at severe. As well as nausea, headaches, fatigue. 

15 July still feeling extremely anxious verging on panic. Nausea, feelings of fainting, fatigue. Lots of head pains 

3 August. Three weeks into trying to stabilise on one drop of cipralex. Still have waking from 4am. Sporadic upset stomach. Nausea.  High anxiety.  Throbbing/burning in nether regions seems to have eased for time being but stabbing/burning in calves of legs. Tinnitus. Occasional half to whole better days but mainly still struggling. Fatigue   

Link to comment

Hi happy2 heal

i also say thank you for posting your healing story. It is exactly what I needed to hear today!!

 Congratulations. I am so happy for you.  I wish you a very happy drug free life. 

  I love your attitude......lg

Lex  4.3mg,  3/2/18  Ativan ,5 mg,  lunesta 2 mg , toprol  25 mg                                                            

 

Oct 16-28 2018 C/O to 19 mg V from 1.5 mg Ativan, 1.3 mg lunesta 

jan 22 2019- 11 mg V

jan 23 - pneumonia, 2 AB’s. 

    Hold taper

july 5- 10.72 V

July 6- 11 mg V- ugly bad

july 11- 10.72 mg V, 4.3 lex, 

              25 mg toprol

 

Link to comment
  • Mentor

hi Scorpio and Littlegrandma

 

I'm glad my story helps in some small way

 

I am continuing to do extremely well and in fact, still notice positive changes. They aren't huge things but they are notable enough that I feel a difference.


I am feeling stronger every day and more optimistic about the future.

I will have the occasional fleeting worry that things could suddenly go south, but then I remember what I've been thru already and realize, even *if* things were to get bad, I can handle it!
I am a lot stronger than I ever knew.

 

I am hopeful that everyone gets to this place of healing quickly, and hopefully also with a lot less suffering than what I went thru

 

a year ago, I was a quivering mass of jangled nerves, despair and  just horrendous symptoms... dozens of them.

 

and here I sit, comfortable, confident, content with my life.

 

and in many ways, I've never been this content before.

 

I will keep you all in my thoughts as you travel this most difficult journey

 

just know that it DOES get better and that things will be really GOOD once again

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Moderator
1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

hi Scorpio and Littlegrandma

 

I'm glad my story helps in some small way

 

I am continuing to do extremely well and in fact, still notice positive changes. They aren't huge things but they are notable enough that I feel a difference.


I am feeling stronger every day and more optimistic about the future.

I will have the occasional fleeting worry that things could suddenly go south, but then I remember what I've been thru already and realize, even *if* things were to get bad, I can handle it!
I am a lot stronger than I ever knew.

 

I am hopeful that everyone gets to this place of healing quickly, and hopefully also with a lot less suffering than what I went thru

 

a year ago, I was a quivering mass of jangled nerves, despair and  just horrendous symptoms... dozens of them.

 

and here I sit, comfortable, confident, content with my life.

 

and in many ways, I've never been this content before.

 

I will keep you all in my thoughts as you travel this most difficult journey

 

just know that it DOES get better and that things will be really GOOD once again

 

 

Congrats! You deserve the "sun", all you went through.

 

I just hope I can have as smooth recovery as you.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

Link to comment

Hi happy2heal

thank you again. You are inspiring and so strong after going through such a long hard journey. It does make me feel more optimistic that life will get so much better after this nightmare drug is eventually gone.  

2006 After sudden death of mother put on 20mg of citaloprom for depression. 

2014 Drug stopped working after two weeks of panic attacks felt fine. 

Aug 2014. Doctor put me on lyrica for rash on face, diarrhoea, sleeplessness,muscle cramp, bruising. Initial dose too strong, halved dose.  Stopped taking it 22/10/14

2014 severe anxiety after several ssri's attempted, seem to have developed severe  sensitivity to any drug, but giving severe  reactions put on cipralex drop form.started on 2 drops and had to increase by 1 drop every 3 days. Eventually got to 12 drops and had to stop as side effects every step of the way dreadful. Psychiatrist kept telling me to stick with it and my body would get used to it.  Eventually down to 8 drops. Bad reactions throughout the time I was on it

Have been on this until may 2017. Stopped over two weeks. Felt fine for 5 weeks after initial dizziness, nightmares, nausea, insomnia.  

Given diazepam by gp and told to take them when anxiety bad. Have only taken them very rarely as they frighten me. 

Last two weeks severe anxiety returned and feeling hopeless 

11July 2017. Cipralex 2mg. Anxiety, nausea still severe

13 July 2017 Cipralex 1mg due to advice of too high dosage  by kind person on thus site. so dropped from 2mg to 1mg and feelings of anxiety still at severe. As well as nausea, headaches, fatigue. 

15 July still feeling extremely anxious verging on panic. Nausea, feelings of fainting, fatigue. Lots of head pains 

3 August. Three weeks into trying to stabilise on one drop of cipralex. Still have waking from 4am. Sporadic upset stomach. Nausea.  High anxiety.  Throbbing/burning in nether regions seems to have eased for time being but stabbing/burning in calves of legs. Tinnitus. Occasional half to whole better days but mainly still struggling. Fatigue   

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Mentor

thought I'd pop in with an update I've been disappointed but not surprised that I have had some waves of WD/Recovery symptoms


They are fairly mild but annoying. Some loss of appetite (severe loss, like I don't want to eat anything) and some morning dread and anxiety.

a few emotional spirals.

 

overall though, I"m doing well. So much better than this time last year!

 

this is a rough time of year for me in general, anniversaries of traumas  so I am being kind and gentle with myself, or at least, trying to be!

 

I wonder sometimes if the things I call symptoms are just "normal" fluctuations in mood but some things, like the severe lack of appetite, those seem outside the realm of normal to me.

 

so now it's just learning to live "un drugged" and finding new and better ways to deal with the rough patches.

 

it's a challenge and sometimes I find myself wistful for the days of oblivion, but that's just a passing thought.  and a bad one LOL

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment

Hi happy to heal

its so good to hear you are still recovering from your long ordeal. The loss of appetite is also what I have each time I nosedive. I’ve given up trying to think I will put on weight until such time as I actually achieve a window. 

Its not long at all since you went to zero so some hiccups are probably exactly what you would expect. You are a shining light to the rest of us so please keep letting us know how you are doing. 

2006 After sudden death of mother put on 20mg of citaloprom for depression. 

2014 Drug stopped working after two weeks of panic attacks felt fine. 

Aug 2014. Doctor put me on lyrica for rash on face, diarrhoea, sleeplessness,muscle cramp, bruising. Initial dose too strong, halved dose.  Stopped taking it 22/10/14

2014 severe anxiety after several ssri's attempted, seem to have developed severe  sensitivity to any drug, but giving severe  reactions put on cipralex drop form.started on 2 drops and had to increase by 1 drop every 3 days. Eventually got to 12 drops and had to stop as side effects every step of the way dreadful. Psychiatrist kept telling me to stick with it and my body would get used to it.  Eventually down to 8 drops. Bad reactions throughout the time I was on it

Have been on this until may 2017. Stopped over two weeks. Felt fine for 5 weeks after initial dizziness, nightmares, nausea, insomnia.  

Given diazepam by gp and told to take them when anxiety bad. Have only taken them very rarely as they frighten me. 

Last two weeks severe anxiety returned and feeling hopeless 

11July 2017. Cipralex 2mg. Anxiety, nausea still severe

13 July 2017 Cipralex 1mg due to advice of too high dosage  by kind person on thus site. so dropped from 2mg to 1mg and feelings of anxiety still at severe. As well as nausea, headaches, fatigue. 

15 July still feeling extremely anxious verging on panic. Nausea, feelings of fainting, fatigue. Lots of head pains 

3 August. Three weeks into trying to stabilise on one drop of cipralex. Still have waking from 4am. Sporadic upset stomach. Nausea.  High anxiety.  Throbbing/burning in nether regions seems to have eased for time being but stabbing/burning in calves of legs. Tinnitus. Occasional half to whole better days but mainly still struggling. Fatigue   

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Mentor

 

Thanks Scorpio, sorry for the delayed response

 

 

I get my appetite back in spurts, and then I do put some weight back on. I will up about 5lbs and then level off. Then I lose my appetite and lose those 5lbs again. That's not bad, really.

at least I"m not going down to where I feel uncomfortably thin and almost frail.

 

I see from your signature you've had a rough time of it. How are you doing now?
better, I hope!!

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
Link to comment
  • Mentor

another little update. I am doing better than I thought I would be- even without withdrawal/recovery, I have a hard time from Thanksgiving til into mid January. It's the time of a severe trauma in my life and my siblings'  lives and we all have struggled thru this time period with PTSD symptoms and depression.

 

I actually just seem to have mild anxiety about the chance of having bad symptoms of PTSD and that's about it. So far anyway. I try to stay in the present and deal with just one day at at time and that helps a lot.

 

now that I am un drugged I am much more aware of what is going on around me and in the world, although I try to block it out and not watch/listen to the news, it's impossible not to hear about things from others in conversations, etc. and I have a lot of anxiety about the current events and where things are headed, as I"m sure so many of us do. That is not recovery related, it's just life and it sucks.

But I pull out my tools for dealing with anxiety, and try to find a way to adjust to changes that I don't like. What other choice is there? 

 

 

My emotions are evening out more. I am better able to stop an emotional spiral from happening or getting out of control. I have had a few losses and have been dealing with those well.

 

Overall, getting to zero still seems to be anti climatic, nothing dramatic has happened at all. I continue to see small improvements and I continue to get very small, very short waves that could very well be normal fluctuations in mood and feelings, etc.
The only time I feel sure that it's a wave is when I have a sudden dramatic loss of appetite. 


Right now, my appetite is normal, my sleep is pretty decent (not as good as I'd like but I am not as physically active as I probably should be)  and life is pretty good.

 

nothing dramatic, that's a nice change. the word that seems to describe things best is just "even".

 

I hope everyone's recovery goes as well or better than mine as has. The start was rough, and probably due to my mistakes and rapid cuts, but it's only gotten better as time went on and I'm very grateful for that.

 

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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On 11/20/2017 at 6:33 PM, Happy2Heal said:

some morning dread and anxiety.

a few emotional spirals.

 

overall though, I"m doing well. So much better than this time last year!

 

this is a rough time of year for me in general, anniversaries of traumas  so I am being kind and gentle with myself, or at least, trying to be!

Hi H2H,

I can relate  to it literally , though I also suffer severe rage mood swings.

But yes ofcourse, much better than last year so that I think myself able to sit for 2-3 hours  straight as an achievement.

 

I think going outside doctor's loop and sticking with this useful info has paid.

 

Still there is a long road to go to get better and mend what is broken with those evils.

 

Wishes 

Bhasski

08/13 - 01/14
Olanzapine, petril MD (Clonazepam ), Dicorate ER (divalproex). Soza 10 (Zolpidem)

02/14 - 05/14
Flunil ​20mg , Divaa OD 250 mg(divalproex), Amisulpride 50mg (1-0-2), zolfresh 5 mg , Quetiapine
05/14 - 08/14 Venlafaxine 75 xr ( 1-0-1), zapiz 0.25
10/14 Zaptra 12.5mg , Oxetol xr 150mg (0-0-1)
11/14 - 08/15
Paris CR 25 (paroxetine) , Oxetol xr 600 mg (0-0-1), nitrest 5mg , Quetiapine for a month.
09/15-11 Venlafaxine XR 75 ( 1-0-1), Mirtazipine 15, Respiredal 0.5, Lamitor 25, zillion 10.
12/15-02/16 Off Meds (C.T)

03/16-Mid April Sertraline, Aripropazole, Quetiapine, Etizolam.

After that : CT and on OTC supplements (Roadback), now on Ayurveda
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1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

another little update. I am doing better than I thought I would be- even without withdrawal/recovery, I have a hard time from Thanksgiving til into mid January. It's the time of a severe trauma in my life and my siblings'  lives and we all have struggled thru this time period with PTSD symptoms and depression.

 

I actually just seem to have mild anxiety about the chance of having bad symptoms of PTSD and that's about it. So far anyway. I try to stay in the present and deal with just one day at at time and that helps a lot.

 

now that I am un drugged I am much more aware of what is going on around me and in the world, although I try to block it out and not watch/listen to the news, it's impossible not to hear about things from others in conversations, etc. and I have a lot of anxiety about the current events and where things are headed, as I"m sure so many of us do. That is not recovery related, it's just life and it sucks.

But I pull out my tools for dealing with anxiety, and try to find a way to adjust to changes that I don't like. What other choice is there? 

 

 

My emotions are evening out more. I am better able to stop an emotional spiral from happening or getting out of control. I have had a few losses and have been dealing with those well.

 

Overall, getting to zero still seems to be anti climatic, nothing dramatic has happened at all. I continue to see small improvements and I continue to get very small, very short waves that could very well be normal fluctuations in mood and feelings, etc.
The only time I feel sure that it's a wave is when I have a sudden dramatic loss of appetite. 


Right now, my appetite is normal, my sleep is pretty decent (not as good as I'd like but I am not as physically active as I probably should be)  and life is pretty good.

 

nothing dramatic, that's a nice change. the word that seems to describe things best is just "even".

 

I hope everyone's recovery goes as well or better than mine as has. The start was rough, and probably due to my mistakes and rapid cuts, but it's only gotten better as time went on and I'm very grateful for that.

 

 

 

I'm glad you are doing so well. Haven't heard anything, so I figured you've been busy living a drug free life. Lucky you. I'll get there little by little. I'm glad you got your appetite back, eat what you feel like eating don't lose weight! You need to keep your weight where you are, that's where you feel the best.

 

My fiancé is in the middle of ripping out the bathroom finally. And nothing is going as planned. But it never does lol...  I just hope it gets done soon.

 

Good to know you are doing well.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal, Prilosec and Zantac from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3, Levothyroxine 25mcg, Vitamin C, Krill oil.

Xanax 1mg 3x day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) 3x day to .003 grams 3x day. April 1, 2021 went back on 1mg a day. Started tapering May 19, 2023. July 28, 2023-approximately .87mg. Dr. fast tapered me at the end and realized he messed up. Prescribe it again and I am doing "slower than a turtle" taper.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!! (total Xanax taper was 15-1/2 months-1-June, 2019-19-September, 2020)

I am not a medical professional.

The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

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