☼ O2bhappy: 9 months off Prozac - does it get any better?

[Athena]

Hi O2b,

In my opinion, any symptom that lessens or goes away is a sign of healing. We have to savour these little victories. A symptom might come back, but less intense, and one day it's just not there anymore. That is you:1 meds:0 !!

 

I know what you mean about the head burn. I have that very much too. It might be hormonal, I feel it worse when in PMS I think, which I am right now. And of course very much in a wave, in which I am too.

 

Even if we miss the persons we really are, they are still there. The essence is there, it will never go away. Just because we suffer, and can't show who we are through our actions like before (going out, working, etc) we don't cease to be who we are. I sometimes try to go get in touch with that essence of myself, in meditation or other, but I know it's not easy.

 

I wish our waves lessen soon! Take care, and good healing vibes to you.

 

Athena

[O2bhappy]

Athena -

 

I certainly hope it is a sign of healing.  I think that is the one thing we really need during withdrawal is hope.  During a wave it is certainly easy to not have hope. 

 

I haven't thought about the head burning being hormonal.  I am in menopause and since coming off Prozac my symptoms of menopause have gotten worse.  I also don't know if the menopausal symptoms I am having are withdrawal.  The head burning is a new symptoms for me.  It started about two weeks ago.  So days it gets bad, which of course really upsets me.

 

I am hoping the person I was will shine through one of these days.  I am having a hard time accepting the person I am right now.  For some reason I equate feeling good with being happy.  Therefore since I don't feel good I am not happy.  How do you change that thought pattern?

[AliG]

I think the head burn is perhaps exaccerbated by W/D  & not so much hormonal issues. It is a W/D symptom. 

[O2bhappy]

AliG -

 

If the head burning is a withdrawal symptom is it something that will go away.  It just started a couple of weeks ago. 

[AliG]

Pretty sure it will go away ! I had the " pins & needles" - all gone!  Don't panic.

[O2bhappy]

AliG -

 

I will try not to panic. It is a very uncomfortable symptom. I wish there was something you could do for it, but one thing I have learned in withdrawal is everything takes time.

[keepinghope]

Hi O2, congrats on 16 months off. I hope you had as good a Christmas as you could. Christmas Day was good for me, but the next day I had a bit of a meltdown, the stress of putting a happy front on all day I think. 

I can totally relate to the anger - I really wish it would hurry up and go. I've said and done some awful things because of it, then feel guilty for weeks. I really struggle to control it, it's like being in the eye of a storm, powerless to do anything about it as though you don't even have control of your own actions. 

Also the waking up early/cortisol surge thing has started up again, along with anxiety and depression, so I know I'm in another wave.

[O2bhappy]

keepinghope -

 

Congratulations to you as well.  I did manage to have a nice Christmas, but when I got home from celebrating with my family I broke down crying.  It was very hard not having my golden retriever with us.  It has now been 11 weeks since we lost her and I still am really struggling and missing her.  I can relate to putting on a "happy face."

 

I would so anger that when it comes to the anger you are powerless to do anything about it.  To me it isn't "normal" anger.  Normal anger comes and goes this just hangs out and never leaves.  I have even had dreams where I am angry in the dream. 

 

The past couple of days the nonstop crying has returned.  I cry for no reason. 

 

I am hoping that this New Year brings us relief from our symptoms!

[O2bhappy]

I am now 16 months off Prozac.  16 months WOW.  I am still dealing with many symptoms.  I think the biggest one for me right now is the anxiety that I have.  I am hoping that things I am thinking about are related to the constant anxiety that I am having.  For instants, anything that has caused me to have a panic attack in the past is causing me great anxiety.  If someone tells me they are flying somewhere I start to feel anxious.  Or if someone is going to the shopping mall I start to almost have a panic attack.  I never acted like this before of while taking Prozac.  This only started happening to me over the past couple of months.  What is this?  Is this part of withdrawal.  I hope it is something that will go away.  These reactions to something I am not even doing are awful.  Any suggestions on how to deal with this would be greatly appreciated. 

[KarenB]

When I've had anxieties that I felt really stuck in, I would practice EFT (sometimes with my counselor, sometimes at home).  It always managed to reduce my anxiety level.  Other people use CBT.  You could check them out see if either resonates with you. 

[O2bhappy]

KarenB -

 

Do you think my anxiety about other people flying or them going to the mall is caused from withdrawal? 

 

Thank you for your suggestion about EFT and CBT.  I have never heard of EFT.  I am going to like into it.  I have had some CBT training.  I am currently in therapy and my therapist uses Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).  It is hard for me to remember to practice it when I am in the middle of a wave or panic attack.

[O2bhappy]

I have noticed over the past several months that I have been very negative.  I am constantly complaining about how I feel.  Do you think my negative attitude is affecting my recovery?  Could it be making my anxiety worse?

[scallywag]

Have you read the topic on Neuro-emotions? The negativity may be a symptom of withdrawal.

[O2bhappy]

scallywag -

 

I never thought about my negativity being a symptom of withdrawal.  I will look into the neuro-emotions forum.

 

Do you think that the negativity could be making my anxiety worse?

[KarenB]

Even such a long way out people can still be having w/d symptoms.  In some ways though it doesn't matter whether it's w/d or underlying issues, or a combo - the solutions are the same.  Either way you'll want to find ways to manage it. 

 

In my experience, when you've practiced managing something for quite a while, things do start to change.  The management techniques work their way into your life and become habits.  You become adjusted into different ways of thinking and living.  It's often difficult to see as it happens, because it's so gradual, but when you look back you can see big changes.  Keeping a journal really helps you notice the progress you make.  

[O2bhappy]

KarenB -

 

I understand that it doesn't matter if it is withdrawal or an underlying issue and that the solution is the same.  For some reason I think if I knew what was causing it that I would feel better, but would it really make me feel better? 

 

How do I get out of the mindset that to be happy I have to feel good.  I equate feeling good to being happy and feeling bad to being unhappy. 

 

I do keep a journal and I have looked back at it.  I am now 16 months off Prozac and instead of celebrating that accomplishment I just focus on how I am feeling.  Maybe I need to start keeping a gratitude journal.  I have a lot of be thankful for, but I just keep dwelling on the negative.  Ugh! 

[grandmaD]

I have noticed over the past several months that I have been very negative.  I am constantly complaining about how I feel.  Do you think my negative attitude is affecting my recovery?  Could it be making my anxiety worse?

I am convinced this too is a w/d symptom.  As I look back, I have been very negative, complaining, feeling crap for all the years of w/d.  Every now and then I might have a good day and I have nothing different, and it makes me realise it must be w/d.  I have no answers, really, except to have a plan for each day and just do that and when you accomplish your goals, give yourself a pat on the back!  (mine are very simple, like get dressed, do my hair, make the bed, walk if I can, do what housework I can, do my breathing and relaxation exercises, so my daily update).

 

Even when I feel crap, I practice (have to force myself) to be thankful and if you can say it out loud, all the better (when I am walking I say I am grateful that I can still walk, can hear, can see and breathe and that the air is free and readily available - no effort to go get it!)  I try and increase the things I am grateful for each day.  Watch Pollyanna!!  That is one great movie to encourage gratefulness!

 

Apart from that, just keep plodding along and find what you can do that you enjoy.  I started doing jig-saw puzzles which gave me a sense of achievement also.  Every week my husband and I go down to the river, walk around it, take a cuppa in a thermos and I lie in the car while he sits and reads.  Sometimes I am crap, sometimes I enjoy it and mostly I am somewhere in the middle! 

 

I look forward to hearing more from you this coming year - don't give up, keep turtling on, love from another turtle!

[blackhill4]

Hi I have this issue ALL the time man. I think it is a symptom when you feel as if it will never get better, but it does. It's slow and subtle but it certainly does, I had akithisia for a very long time but it got better and I was in a living hell at the time too. Savour the good days because there are more coming!

[blackhill4]

I also don't think worrying will hurt your recovery. I worried all the time too when it was bad, i think symptom obsession is just another symptom too to be honest.

[O2bhappy]

grandmaD -

 

I need to try and be more grateful.  I journal almost everyday and when I read it all I am doing is complaining.  I should start journaling my gratitude and see if that changes my mindset.  I certainly hope this negativity is withdrawal, but now I do think it has become part of who I am.   It is hard to be positive and happy when you are not feeling well. 

 

I feel like I am not living my life and that I am waiting to feel better to start living.  I know that is causing me to miss out on a lot of things.  I am allowing my panic and anxiety to hold me back. 

 

I will do my best to "keep turtling on"  Thank you for your encouragement. 

[O2bhappy]

blackhill4 -

 

Thank you for the reminder that this will get better. I am glad to hear that it got better for you.  I will work on savoring the good days.

[grandmaD]

I need to try and be more grateful.  I journal almost everyday and when I read it all I am doing is complaining.  I should start journaling my gratitude and see if that changes my mindset.  I certainly hope this negativity is withdrawal, but now I do think it has become part of who I am.   It is hard to be positive and happy when you are not feeling well. 

I am glad you are journaling, because I find this sis so helpful.  You can be totally honest - and YOU CAN COMPLAIN and i think it is good to GET IT OUT ON PAPER and you are not complaining to another person and bringing them down, so it's okay.  I think it is also good to END with what you can be grateful for.  It is good to look back on for encouragement, for instance I realised just recently that doing the housework is not as burdensome and huge overwhelming effort that it used to be!  We need these small little stepping stones to keep us going forward!  I am not totally convinced that being grateful will change us, I still found I was miserable, despite being thankful every day, so I think much of it is W/D.

I feel like I am not living my life and that I am waiting to feel better to start living.  I know that is causing me to miss out on a lot of things.  I am allowing my panic and anxiety to hold me back. 

I am with you on this one!  After 5 years I still feel like I am disabled or an invalid or something and not living my life.  All I can do is hope for better days and look forward to healing.  I copied and pasted Petunia's post recently and put it on the fridge it was so good!  We can only hope  our days will be lengthened and multiplied with good health down the track so we can make up for lost time.

I will do my best to "keep turtling on"  Thank you for your encouragement.

Goodonya my turtle friend!  Try and find something that does make you happy or give you peace and aim to do that every day.

[Theon]

Hello O2bhappy, I wanted to check on your thread to see how you are going.

 

I think that the negativity is not going to delay your recovery process. I think that as long as you want to get better, then the negativity is not going to be bad.

 

The bad thing is surrending and stopping wanting to get better, but I think that the negativity sometimes is just being realistic, I mean, its difficult to be optimistic when you feel bad...

 

I hope it gets better, hugs.

[O2bhappy]

grandmaD -

 

When I first started to journal all I would write about was how bad I felt and that I just wanted to get better.  I have reread things I wrote a year ago and boy was I desperate to feel better.  Now when I journal I try not to write so much about how I feel but instead about things I have done and how I felt doing them.  I tend to write more about my emotions.  My latest theme in my journal is about my anxiety.  I like your idea of ending with what I am grateful for.  I am going to start doing that.  Maybe it might help some with my negativity.

 

I never thought about myself as disable, but I would have to agree with you.  That is how I feel.  I am an able person but during the worse of the withdrawal I felt disabled.  I like Petunia's post, I had never read that before.  I need to remember it. 

 

I am working on finding what makes me happy or gives me peace.  I think that would help me on my road to recovery.

[O2bhappy]

Theon -

 

Thank you for checking on me.  That was very thoughtful of you.

 

I want to get better, but the negativity has gotten me down.  I don't know how to be less negative.  I think feeling bad for so long has just done a number on how I think.  I agree it is hard to be optimistic when you feel bad. 

 

How are you feeling?

[O2bhappy]

I have noticed changes with my symptoms and even improvements.  The one symptom that has not changed are the smell hallucinations.  I have had them over a year.  I am still smelling things that no one else can smell.  Sometimes it is a bad smell other times I smell cigarette smoke and no one around me is smoking.  Has anyone else had this symptom?  What has helped it?  Did it improve or go away?  I know it is from withdrawal.  I have had a CT scan and an MRI and both were good.  This is such a frustrating symptom. 

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[grandmaD]

I think Theon's point about surrendering is a very valid one, well in theory it sounds good - but how do you do it you ask?  Also his point about the negativity being realistic, so perhaps we can TRY and combine BOTH.  We can admit every day we are crap, want to get better, hate where we are, but then we could tell ourself we will surrender all that JUST FOR TODAY (because ONE DAY is all we can handle) and accept what comes our way TODAY and HOPE it gets better.  How's that sound?  Any other ideas about HOW to surrender that wanting to be better would be appreciated!

 

O2BHappy, how does your anxiety translate?  Is it physical symptoms or emotional or both?  How does it make you feel?

[blackhill4]

I had a plan for each month i kept on a list, i had activities i wanted to do for each day and even hours of each day. i kept myself as distracted as possible and tried to focus on what task i was going to do. I watched movies, went for walks, played video games, even did some cleaning. It's not as joyous as it sounds however, I was suffering greatly and felt like freaking out so I had to be distracted. So I know it seems impossible but it's doable, one day and hour at a time. Just like grandma d said, one thing at a time, I hope my suggestion helps but everyone is different and it may not work for you but just throwing it out there

[O2bhappy]

grandmaD -

 

I like your idea on how to surrender.  I try allowing and surrendering to my feelings but some days are very difficult.  Over the past couple of days I have been crying a lot for no reason.  For some of the time I can allow the crying and accepted it but then I get tired and fed up that I am still dealing with these symptoms.  I just want them to go away.  I know those thoughts are not beneficial.  I am grateful that some of my symptoms have improved but I just want them all to improve and go away. 

 

I am sorry that I am complaining and sound whinny.  Just having one of those days. 

[O2bhappy]

blackhill4 -

 

Thank you for all your suggestions on how you distracted yourself.  Those are all great idea.  Unfortunately, I am at a point right now that I don't want to do anything.  All I want is for these symptoms to go away.  I am not in a good place.  I think I am back in another wave.  I am just very frustrated with how I am feeling and I am not enjoying anything. 

 

Sorry to vent and complain.

[O2bhappy]

grandmaD -

 

O2BHappy, how does your anxiety translate?  Is it physical symptoms or emotional or both?  How does it make you feel?

 

Sorry I didn't answer that question earlier.  My anxiety is both physical and emotional.  I can go from feeling the internal shaking really bad one moment and then start crying or getting anger the next.  The meditation hasn't been helping me lately. 

[O2bhappy]

I have been struggling the past couple of days.  I am back to crying for no reason.  The other night I actually cried myself to sleep.  I assume that I must be in another wave.  Sometimes I try to hold the crying in but after awhile it just comes out.  These are the times I really start missing my dog and wish I had her to cuddle.  I feel like I don't have anything that provides me comfort.  Sometimes I just want someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay.  I think my family and friends are sick of hearing me talk about how I am feeling.

 

I am stuck in the thought of "is this going to get any better?"  I know I was on Prozac a long time and it is going to take my brain a long time to heal but I am just done right now feeling bad.

 

I am sorry for complaining.  Just having an off day and could really use some encouragement. 

[O2bhappy]

Some days I feel like my family would be better off without me and today is one of those days.

 

I cannot stop crying. I keep getting hit with these waves of emotion and I just start crying.

[Flowers]

Hi 02b

 

So sorry you are going through all this.

 

I feel exactly the same as you when I am in a wave. So many feelings racing around in my head. That is all they are though - just feelings. 

 

 

I am going to give you an 'internet hug' and tell you that these feelings will go away and we will feel better. Tomorrow may be a better day.

 

I am sure your family and friends care a lot about you but it is probably hard for them to imagine what WD is like. You have us here to support you as we know what you are going through. Just one day at a time, one step at a time.......you can do it.

 

Love from Flowers xxx

[scallywag]

O2b -- remember that it's the medication and its w/d effects making you weep and feel resigned or not hopeful, just the same as a laxative makes you poop. (hope I made you smile with that attempt at humor, but you may be immune to such sophmoric bait.)

[grandmaD]

Big hug from grandmaD, remember what scallywag said - it isn't you - it is the w/d affect.  Last time I talked to you, you were angry all the time... has that gone now and been replaced with crying?  If so, sounds like a swing from anxiety/anger to depression/crying which I believe is quite normal with w/d.