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CJAJ16

CJAJ16: So scared and lost - Escitalopram withdrawal

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Hello
I've come across this site whilst trying to find some reassurance to help me get through this hell.

I was put on AD when I was 14 (now 33) for adolescent anxiety and depression. I have been on one form of AD or another since.
I've failed many times in the past timing off these drugs, not handling the symptoms and ending up going back on a full dose.
I've lost count how many of those years I have been on Escitralopram but that is the drug I'm now withdrawing from.
I used the liquid to taper off slowly over the last year. I got down to 1mg and just over two weeks ago was the last time I took it. For a few days I felt OK but after about 4 days the evil head shocks began. They have continued along with feeling disconnected from myself, irritable, tired, tearful, dizzy and very low. The Dr said I could push on through or go back on them!
I want to beat this because my husband and I would like to try for a baby.
I've been "pushing on through" but my anxiety is getting worse. I feel on edge and keep having panic attacks.
I've also had a one sided headache/migraine for the last 5 days.
The Dr has prescribed a beta blocker to help with the anxiety but I'm scared to take something else.

I've battled health anxiety as long as I can remember and with stopping AD I'm experiencing so many physical symptoms and getting very frighten. Trying to work out its is withdrawal or something is wrong with me!?

Can anyone offer any advice or guidance on how to get through this. Are headaches/migraines withdrawal symptoms? I've read some posts on here that it can effect your heart? I'm now terrified something is going to happen to me.

I'm so scared and lost and don't know where to turn ????

Thank you for reading if you got this far. I hope someone can help me.

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Hi CJAJ,

 

Welcome to the community!

I'm also trying to survive lexapro and have been struggling for years tapering the meds to free myself.

 

Can you add your meds history to your signature with detailed time and dose? Also your tapering methods before stopping? This will help with a better understanding of what is going on.

 

I can assure you that all your symptoms are from withdrawal, all of those will eventually go away once you are healed from the shock of stopping the meds. 1mg lexapro to zero is a huge jump for most people! We all had times worrying about other health issues when we initially experience WD symptoms and all got cleared with medical examination and tests etc. as matter of fact, my initial anxiety was triggered by obsessive concern of a virus infection which led me to the meds. At the end, nothing but the meds hunts me down. So I hope you can practice self awareness and try not to add more stress by thinking in that direction.

 

You will get lots great advice and support here once more information about your. Meds history is receive.

 

Hang in just a bit,

Lex

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Hi CJAJ. Welcome to to SA!
 

Some people won the genetic lottery for going off psych drugs.  I guess you're like us -- with a losing ticket in your hand. :(

 

LexAnger suggested adding your withdrawal history to your signature.  Here's the topic that explains how to do that and what to include: Please put your withdrawal history in your signature
 
A moderator will read this thread shortly and will post an idea or two for you to consider as next steps to deal with your withdrawal symptoms. In the meantime you might find reading these 3 forum threads (at least the first 3-5 posts for now) helpful context for the moderators questions and suggestions.
What is withdrawal syndrome
About reinstating & stabilizing to reduce withdrawal
Tips for tapering off Lexapro (escitalopram)

 

Do what you can to let go of anxiety about the very long list of withdrawal symptoms --calming music, laugh-out-loud video/tv/movies, whatever works for you. I'm trying to take the approach that I'll with a symptom if and when I have it.

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Hello CJ, 

 

LexAnger and scallyway have gotten you started.  I am sorry that you are having to be here, but what you are describing is withdrawal.  As the others have suggested, it helps to know your med history, so please fill out your signature block.  Your signature shows up under all your posts throughout the forum and gives context to readers. 

 

Health anxiety in itself can be a withdrawal symptom.  I've known members who had it badly while in waves, only to have it vanish when then were in windows!

 

Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

More about withdrawal:  Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

It will help us to know the answers to LexAnger's questions. It may be that you tapered in a manner that left you with a lot of healing yet to be done when you jumped off.

 

When people encounter withdrawal after coming off, we often suggest reinstating a small amount of the drug to alleviate withdrawal symptoms.  1 mg may sound like a small amount, but it depends on a lot of factors, and SERT occupancy (serotonin receptors) may have still been blocked substantially at that dose such that jumping off left you with a lot of destabilization.

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

I understand your desire to be off this drug so that you can conceive.  I think once you answer the questions asked, we will better be able to advise you.   

 

SG

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I wanted to add that you are not alone, here.  Many people come here very frightened, and it is a frightening experience to be in withdrawal.  

 

Withdrawal causes Neuro Emotions which can be very disturbing, but they can't hurt you; you just need to try to be aware that your feelings are due to withdrawal. We have lots of information regarding self-care to nurture yourself while experiencing these unpleasant exaggerated feelings.

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

It's going to be ok.  Once we have more information, we can better help you to feel better :-)

 

SG

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Thank you all SO much for taking the time to read my post and reply. I'm so thankful to you all.

I have added my signature and details about the drugs I've been on. Have I added enough info?

 

I am so grateful to have found this site. I've been reading some of the links you have given me today. It does help to understand what the hell is happening to me. I'm very frightened. I've battled health anxiety for many many years and have had counselling to help me but I've always also been on an AD. I'm so afraid I won't be able to cope with my anxieties and continue to function and live my life without them knowing how awful I'm feeling right now.

I'm feeling so many physical symptoms and I'm finding it hard to rationalise them as being part of WD.

I'm currently signed off work for another week and a half having already been off work a week and a half. I don't want this to take my life over. How long does it take to feel better?

Thank you everyone X

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Hi CJAJ. You are definitely not alone. I share your concern and dread around having to go through this, and get scared thinking "will I ever be my old self again?" I used to be very high functioning and motivated and now paralyzed with anxiety; I try to remember that this is temporary and reflexive anxiety and depression from withdrawal. It helps me to see the success stories on here and remember that everything will be okay (even when I think it won't be.) :).

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My GP had prescribed me the beta blocker propranolol to help with the anxiety symptoms.

I'm unsure if I should take it? I don't want another drug I have to WD from and also I know it works on the heart and my health anxiety is focused mainly around my heart.

I don't know what to do??

 

Has this helped anyone or is it something I should avoid?

 

Thank you everyone

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Hi,

 

It is hard to say whether taking another med will cause problems if you are in withdrawal.  I myself would not tempt fate as I know how hard WD can be.

 

How long have you been med free if you don't mind me asking?

 

Namaste, DC.

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Thank you for replying. The last time I took it was 20 days ago.

I am scared to cause myself more problems. I'm sure it'll calm me down but then I have to stop taking it. I don't know if it's worth it?

 

Should I try magnesium? No idea what type of magnesium is best?

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When I was in early stage WD, I took a good quality fish oil and vitamin c, but to be honest neither really improved my situation.  I have heard magnesium is a good supplement to reduce anxiety but I have never been brave enough to give it a go.  I stay well away from all kinds of pharmaceuticals and vitamins / supplements at the moment.

 

I'm sure someone else will better advise on Magnesium and whether it will be beneficial to you soon.

 

DC.

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You might want to ask your GP about magnesium.  People do find it helps with ectopic/skipped beats and insomnia and I do feel like it's helped me.  I don't know if it's helped my anxiety.  I also used to get twitchy muscles like around my eyes and the magnesium completely eliminated that.  I had my magnesium checked after I'd been taking it for about 4 months and it was normal so that to me seems to indicate it's a good supplement for me--it's not raising my levels above normal or anything.  

 

If you decide to take it, get *chelated* magnesium and no other type!  It's most often sold as magnesium oxide and that will give you diarrhea and won't help your anxiety (probably--based on what I've read anyway).  Don't jump into it too fast either--I take a 250 mg split in half, half in the morning and half in the evening.  If I skip a dose, I get skipped beats.  It's not harmful but it freaks me out so I avoid it :)  Skipped beats was the main reason I started taking it in the first place.  If I were you I would start with a small amount like 125 mg once a day and then increase it if all is well.  

 

Don't make the mistake I made and start Calcium at the same time :) Calcium can cause increased palpitations and it did for me.  Once I quit Calcium and just took Mg I saw a big improvement.  

 

Blessings…I know it's hard worrying about your heart.  Sorry I have no info about the beta blockers.  I hope your baby dreams are able to come true soon!

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Thank you both for your replies.

 

DC- I am taking a daily fish oil tablet as heard it helps with the evil head zaps.

 

Aardvark- I've just been into Holland & Barrett and they only had two types of magnesium, oxide and citrate. I chose the citrate as I read the other can cause upset tummy.

I get palpitations also and hate them! They make me panic. I hope the magnesium will help me. They are 100g tablets and says 3 a day but I thought I'd start at 1 a day.

Will the citrate be ok?

 

Thank you again

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you could also try (as an alternative) Epsom salt baths, they would contain Mg as well.

 

DC.

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I have moved your new thread to your existing intro, it is one thread per person in the introductions forum to keep members posts together for consistency.

 

I took propranolol for a while for hypertension but had side effects and still had high BP along with skipped beats.  It was swapped for atenolol which I took for years and also had side effects. It would need tapering if taken for a length of time. I found a topic for tapering beta blockers that might help. 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/7144-tapering-beta-blockers-or-alpha-blockers/?hl=%2Balpha+%2Bblocker#entry103359

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I would definitely try the mag before the propranolol.  Great response from Aardvark!  

 

You can search SA more effectively for others' experiences with whatever, prop or magnesium, by using Google.  Type in survivingantidepressants.org propranolol, for instance. Works better than our search box above, though you can use that, too.

 

SG

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Mamma- sorry I didn't realise, thank you for moving it to the correct place.

 

Squirrelly- thank you for the tip!

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Can anyone shed some light on this weird sensation I keep having in my tummy?

It's like an excited, butterflies feeling that keeps coming in waves. Like an adrenaline surge?

It's worse in the evenings, it's horrible :(

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Is it dangerous? These surges? Do I need to go to the hospital??

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Have you considered reinstating a tiny dose of ecitalopram? 1mg could be enough to help the withdrawal, if it helps you can then slowly taper from that 1ml by using the liquid and diluting it to get the low doses. The last few mg are the hardest and many of us went too fast at the end instead of slowing down ( myself included! ).

It would mean still being on it but you could be more comfortable for the time it takes to taper it. Withdrawal can last that long anyway so you may as well be a bit more comfortable. The feelings in your tummy could be adrenalin as you said, withdrawal causes all kinds of weird symptoms while the brain is trying to gain stability. Try not to panic, they are not dangerous and will pass. All this will get better, it just takes time, reinstating could ease some of the symptoms but if you decide to ride it out it will get better, you will get your life back and the family you are looking forward to.  :)

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Thank you for replying Mamma.

I did consider going back on a low dose but I've gone through nearly three weeks of hell, I don't want it to be all for nothing :(

 

I just wondered if anyone else had experienced these symptoms in the tummy and if I can do anything to ease it?

 

It is so frightening. I feel so let down by my Dr and angry at myself for not realising what I was putting into my body :(

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CJA,

 

Let me echo the welcome to the site you already received from the other members.  Sorry you are in this predicament but, as you can see, you are not alone.  You are now in the best place to understand and address what you are experiencing.

 

 

I did consider going back on a low dose but I've gone through nearly three weeks of hell, I don't want it to be all for nothing :(

 

It would not be for nothing.  You were originally on 20mg.  Going back on 1mg and doing a proper, slow taper off that would leave you at 5% of your original dose.  Don't look at it as binary, i.e., on or off.  If you are struggling you should seriously consider reinstatement while the window for that is still open.

 

I just wondered if anyone else had experienced these symptoms in the tummy and if I can do anything to ease it?

 

As you suggested, the most likely cause of this sensation is adrenaline or cortisol which is part of the "fight or flight" response triggered by the body's parasympathetic nervous system.  When we withdraw from an SSRI one of the primary side effects that results for most people (the list of possible side effects is pages and pages) is high anxiety that feels "chemical" in nature.  It is anxiety that is not necessarily tied to anything happening in your life that would ordinarily cause you to be anxious.  That, in turn, triggers anxiety about ones health status and the cycle deepens.  Magnesium can be helpful for you as can any number of non-drug methods for coping.  People have found success with yoga, meditation, breathing exercises, walking, exercising, visualization, journaling, etc.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1112-non-drug-techniques-to-cope-with-emotional-symptoms/

 

It is so frightening. I feel so let down by my Dr and angry at myself for not realising what I was putting into my body :(          

 

 

One of the hardest things to do in this situation is to drop the anger we harbor towards ourselves.  Being self-compassionate can go a long way toward calming your central nervous system at a time that it desperately needs a little TLC.  You are not to blame for what has happened to you.  For the most part your doctor is not to blame either.  The pharmaceutical industry coupled with the new paradigm medical model that looks for "one pill for every ill" is what has led to this iatrogenic damage for all of us. 

 

We all grew up in a model that said, "if you are sick, go to the doctor."  We trusted that notion and it is only now, after the pigs are out, that we are left to try to close the barn door.  Accepting where you are and what is happening is difficult and frightening, but it is also necessary.

 

You will heal but it will take time and self-caring to get there.

 

You have a forum of people willing to provide support.  Take advantage of that.

 

Best,

 

Andy

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Thank you Andy for such a long supportive reply. It helps so much to know I'm not alone and what I'm experiencing is to be expected.

I'm going to try very hard to stop being so angry with myself, you're right it's not going to help.

Thank you for helping me understand what's happening to me, I can't tell you how much it helps me and how much I appreciate it! :)

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Hi again and I'm sorry I'm just now replying about Magnesium citrate.  My impression when I researched it for myself was that citrate would definitely be better than oxide, so I started with citrate as well--but I did have some digestive symptoms with citrate, so I tracked down chelated and have had no problems with that.  Here in the US we have speciality health stores that have a wider array of supplements and I'm sure you have those too but I don't know what the names would be--?  Or, you could try online--but only if you have trouble with the citrate, I think.  It seemed like some people can take it just fine.  

 

The surge you described sounds like adrenaline to me as well.  Have you read _Hope and Help for your Nerves_?  I got it on my kindle based on recommendations here and have been tearing through it, it is SO GOOD.  (Except that she is more positive about sedatives than I believe most of us here would agree with--but it's decades old)  She speaks very specifically about churning feelings in the abdomen.  She also talks specifically about palpitations and skipped beats as part of "nervous illness" and it's very reassuring!  I think this book would encourage you.

 

LOVE what Andy wrote.  That really speaks to me about forgiving myself for the situation and being self-compassionate.  Thank you so much for that Andy.

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Help me please....

 

Feel like I've slipped into a black hole of depression and anxiety. Physically symptoms have eased a lot but I now feel so low and on edge. Just seen Dr who has said if these feelings don't lift I will need to go back on meds!

We dream of having a baby, I cannot be on meds to do that and I'm not getting any younger! But cannot begin to imagine being able to be pregnant or have a baby feeling as awful as I do.

 

Is there really life after antidepressants? Can I life a happy life without them?

 

I'm so lost and sad :(

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I have those headaches.. 5 day headaches for this 3 wk timeline... and brain zaps to me say go back on the drug at a reduced dose..

 

I know you don't want to as this 3 wks of suffering could be for nothing..but it could be 3wks for nothing or 3 months for nothing... that is my opinion it could also be much longer... best to cut your losses and go back on.

 

adding a new drug in my opinion is the worst thing you can do other than pain control for head aches if they are that bad who can live with a 5 day migraine med free I can't do it... that said cold packs are my first line of treatment for these... and coffee yes coffee but there was a time in wd I could not drink a coffee without falling on the floor... so take your own situation into account before trying coffee 

 

All the great tapering you have done is getting thrown out the window now near the end... why is that?  

 

please know the lower the dose the more affect the drugs have on the body... I put a link is this post here yesterday and tried to explain it tho I am not myself just now... I gave it a shot understanding this is very important in the late stages of wd...

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8870-dan998-cold-turkey-reinstatement-and-tapering-citalopram/page-15

post 531 it has the science and my explanation of it .. which may be odd... but it is what we see here all the time...

 

low doses may seem not so important but they may be the most important of the entire process ... I agree with Mamma her advice is solid she has been doing this a long time and unlike me has the tapering experience... unlike me she can take atenolol.. some people have bad reactions to this drug I was one of them I suggest staying well away from it... beta blockers once your on them long term need to be tapered too imo.. they are another way of mishandling wd if you don't need them stay well away... further altering your system is a mistake imo... if it can be helped it can't always be helped... but in your case I will guess that going back on will stop this ... 

 

slow slow slow is the name of the game... destabilizing your brain body now is such a waste to all the hard work you did to taper safely... you were doing great and the idea that you have to grin and bear some things does not in my opinion include brain zaps anytime I see a person with brain zaps to me that is a loud flashing sign... too fast too fast like you see on the motor way...slow down.. the only way for you to do this is to go back on...

 

I did not taper I am the poster kids for why a person should taper... so there are many others on here who know the actual tapering protocol much better/personally then me .... they will help you make the right dose to go back on.. the sooner you do this the sooner you will get relief ... this crap you feel will stop and go back to where you were... 

 

This is not a race there is no prize for crossing the finish line first and being sick for months on end... this is your life and keeping it going in the healthiest way you can is the purpose of tapering... please don't throw the baby out with the bath water... it was working well and it will work again but it was too fast.. get back on go slow... ease your brain.body into this... your body is screaming no if you listen it will reward you. 

 

I have had much heal anxiety given he time I have had in ct... I will bet this eases when your back to baseline... so many things will just level out your having a taste of what ct is... a small taste... don't do it is bad for your health and your mental health... I would not get too carried away with how you feel about your body just now this is wd not in your head... when the wd is all done there will be plenty of time for that till then... don't confuse or weigh yourself down with too much thinking ...RELAXATION is the best thing you can think of if you want to think or do something relax... take some epsom salt baths for the magnesium... bit of taurine has helped some with migraines or the pressure in the head before the head ache. 

 

I use citrate till last wk.. I grind it up and take small bits when I feel edgy I do basically the same thing with taurine... take bits here and there generally with food... for both.  

Citrate can also be ground up I use a coffee grinder and put into a bit of water sip the water till you feel more relaxed.. this is Altos old idea it really helped me years ago when my body was super sensitive to mag...

 

I have always been able to benefit from espom salt baths or foot baths... they have never failed me and never once caused a bad reaction this is a way to get your mag thru your skin .. maybe the skin won't take more than it needs... it works and that is the important thing to me.... 

 

recap get back on ask for help... in how to make a low dose... go slow slow slow.... as your body is very slow to change things ... trying to bully your body into getting off fast will only cost you more... go slow enjoy your life... try not to think too much about this ... wd is not your life your life is your life.... live your life .... 

 

messing up too much with wd.. this gets reversed and wd does become you life... please don' t let that happen... it is just a huge waste... 

 

That is it for me I hope it all makes some sense to you.. and I wish you peace B

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you can escape this quagmire rather easily now... if you let it go on too long it will be harder.. and yes it is all wd... 

 

"Quagmire of epic proportions. Something you would say to describe how much trouble or problems you have gotten yourself into"

I wish you peace

 

ps from the horses mouth she has lived this from Mamma

" 1mg could be enough to help the withdrawal, if it helps you can then slowly taper from that 1ml by using the liquid and diluting it to get the low doses. The last few mg are the hardest and many of us went too fast at the end instead of slowing down ( myself included! )."

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Thank you for your reply. I found it a bit hard to follow though.

I have tapered very slowly using the liquid. My last dose was 1mg. You're saying go back on the drug? But then you say don't mess with WD?

 

Is this anxiety and depression WD or just who I am without drugs?

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CJ, WD symptoms and "side" effects can be very difficult to live with.

 

It may be that the jump from 1 mg to 0 was too much too fast for *you*. There are people around here who are tapering by 100ths of a milligram of a pdrug. I think brassmonkey, one of the moderators, is tapering Paxil from 20 mg and is currently taking 0.64 mg/day.

 

Reinstating a tiny amount of the escitalopram is virtually the only way to tell if it's wd you're experiencing now, as 3 moderators (SquirrellyGirl, mammaP and apace) have suggested for your consideration.  Have you read the thread discussing reinstatement:
About reinstating & stabilizing to reduce withdrawal

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CJA,

 

I think the point btdt was making, and the one we are all trying to make to you, is that given the timeline in question it is HIGHLY LIKELY that what you are feeling is, in fact, withdrawal from the meds.  The best way to "test that" is to try a small reinstatement of the meds.  As was suggested, 1mg (your last level) should be enough to stop the withdrawal symptoms.  To be honest, Lexapro (escitalopram) is a wicked strong drug and I'm not surprised that a jump from 1mg to 0 is triggering withdrawal.

 

Assuming you can get stable at 1mg (we should know in 4-5 days at most), then you can do a nice slow taper off the last milligram and hopefully leave it all behind you.  What btdt is saying is simply that if you try to "tough it out" from here you could be putting yourself into a situation with a lot longer time horizon than the slow controlled taper of the last 1mg. 

 

I understand that you are looking to have baby and recognize that is motivating you to try to "go faster."  Let's try to get you safely and comfortably off and then worry about pregnancy (I'll leave that to you and yours and stay out of it! :P ).  I'm not sure that going through pregnancy in withdrawal is going to be a lot of fun to be honest.

 

Best,

 

Andy

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Thank you Andy and Scallywag.

I appreciate what you're saying about reinstating the drug, I've just read the link you added. It's been nearly 4 weeks now since I took the last dose. Reading that link it says I could feel worse if I re-introduce the drug. Have I left it to long?

The Dr could put me on a different antidepressant that's "safer" during pregnancy. Would this be a good idea?

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Thank you Andy and Scallywag.

I appreciate what you're saying about reinstating the drug, I've just read the link you added. It's been nearly 4 weeks now since I took the last dose. Reading that link it says I could feel worse if I re-introduce the drug. Have I left it to long?

 

 

Within 4 weeks is usually soon enough that it is not likely to trigger you.  By taking only 1mg you should be able to ascertain quickly if there is any adverse reaction.  If there is, you should simply stop and proceed as you were.

 

The Dr could put me on a different antidepressant that's "safer" during pregnancy. Would this be a good idea?           

 

Not sure that I'm confident that such a creature actually exists.  While some A/Ds have been more directly tied to problems in utero, I don't know of any that are categorically "safe."  Plus, the risk of switching A/Ds could create a whole new set of problems.

 

I would just try the reinstatement at 1mg and see how you do.

 

Best,

 

Andy

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Thank you Andy. I guess it is something I need to seriously consider.

Guest I just hoped if I pushed on through these weeks it would ease up. From what you're all saying I don't think it will :(

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Guest I just hoped if I pushed on through these weeks it would ease up. From what you're all saying I don't think it will :(

 

It very well might.  Not way to know for sure.  Our experience collectively on the board is that the downside risk of not getting stabilized likely outweighs the chance that you push through and have little if any residual problems.  It is an unfortunate truth that nobody knows how these things react in any given person so you are rolling the dice a little if you gut it out.  It's not a crazy approach but only you know how uncomfortable you are and how much room you have in your comfort range if it gets worse.  From a pure "harm reduction" standpoint, trying the small reinstatement would be the recommended approach.

 

Best,

 

Andy

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Big decision to make then. This really sucks!

Thank you all SO much for your help.

 

Once through WD can ppl live without Antidepressants and battle anxiety and depression without them? Or does it come to a point when you end up on them for life?

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Once through WD can ppl live without Antidepressants and battle anxiety and depression without them? Or does it come to a point when you end up on them for life?

 

Absolutely people can live without antidepressants.  Logically think about it -- how many people have been on them and then came off?  Plenty.  The drugs don't "cure" anything and you can learn to live with and address anxiety and depression if and when they arise.

 

Just trust yourself as you move forward.  This process will teach you tools to deal with things after you are off the meds.

 

Best,

 

Andy

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