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☼ CJAJ16: So scared and lost - Escitalopram withdrawal


CJAJ16

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The Dr has reffered me for CBT. I've had it before but always been supported by meds. I hope I can live a life free from drugs!

 

Thank you for all your help and advice Andy

You can hear my story on the Let's Talk Withdrawal podcast. Its a global weekly podcast created by James Moore that interviews experts and others suffering from the awful effects of psychiatric medication. Here's how to listen...

 

If you have an iPhone, iPad or PC/Mac with iTunes, this link will take you to the iTunes Store where you can subscribe so each new episode will download automatically...

https://goo.gl/Yz7Zmp

Or you can also listen and download each episode here on any device...

http://jfmoore.libsyn.com/

 

Started AD aged 14 (1997)

Stopped AD Escitralopram aged 33 (May 14th 2016) weaned down from 20mg to 1mg

10 months SSRI free since May 2016

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Hi CJA.

You asked if people can live without Antidepressants :

Once through WD can ppl live without Antidepressants and battle anxiety and depression without them? Or does it come to a point when you end up on them for life?

 

If you are thinking of CBT, that's a great start.  Our pattern of thinking and consequent behaviour is so important - and finding / adapting to new ways of thinking is so important to the long term outcome of ultimately being drug - free. If you can find non- drug means of coping with life , it will serve you well in the long term. There are lots of ideas here in the " Symptoms & Self - care" section, as well. The more weapons that you have in your arsenal - the better. It is a fight but one that you can win!

You can absolutely do this if that's what you want. Wanting to have a baby is a great incentive towards that goal.

 

You started on these drugs at a young age and I can understand why you would question yourself as to whether you can get by without them.The thing is that unfortunately they tend to, in the long term ultimately create the symptoms that they were supposed to be helping in the first place.Once you're through the withdrawal , if you can find natural ways of dealing with the  down periods like exercise, sun, meditation etc. you will be more equipped to deal with the challenging aspects of life , as they present themselves. 

 

Personally , I have found that the more time I have had off them the less depressed and anxious I have  become. It has been excruciatingly difficult, but once I could see the big picture in terms of my health, I just " hung on " as best I could. I also had a history so it's been tough but worth it in the long run.   

You have done well to taper down to this point. I think you just jumped off too soon. A reinstatement would probably be wise to get you through this period and then a slow taper off.

Ali

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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So I've had a good weekend, starting to feel better in many ways but last night and again this evening I have a tingly/burning/tight feeling across the top of my scalp.

Not sure whether to be alarmed or if this can be part of WD??

Has anyone experienced this?

You can hear my story on the Let's Talk Withdrawal podcast. Its a global weekly podcast created by James Moore that interviews experts and others suffering from the awful effects of psychiatric medication. Here's how to listen...

 

If you have an iPhone, iPad or PC/Mac with iTunes, this link will take you to the iTunes Store where you can subscribe so each new episode will download automatically...

https://goo.gl/Yz7Zmp

Or you can also listen and download each episode here on any device...

http://jfmoore.libsyn.com/

 

Started AD aged 14 (1997)

Stopped AD Escitralopram aged 33 (May 14th 2016) weaned down from 20mg to 1mg

10 months SSRI free since May 2016

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

 have a tingly/burning/tight feeling across the top of my scalp.

Not sure whether to be alarmed or if this can be part of WD??

Has anyone experienced this?

 

Yes.  Absolutely.  If you research the site a little bit you will see numbness, tingling, burning, paresthesia, and the like ALL OVER THE PLACE.

 

It is a very frequent withdrawal system.

 

Glad you are doing better.

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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Thank you Andy! This WD is just like the worlds worst gift that keeps on giving!! :(

In one aspect I feel so much better but then along comes something else!

Cannot thank you all enough and whoever the Angel is that created this sight! It's a lonely place to be in, but I know I'm not alone at all

You can hear my story on the Let's Talk Withdrawal podcast. Its a global weekly podcast created by James Moore that interviews experts and others suffering from the awful effects of psychiatric medication. Here's how to listen...

 

If you have an iPhone, iPad or PC/Mac with iTunes, this link will take you to the iTunes Store where you can subscribe so each new episode will download automatically...

https://goo.gl/Yz7Zmp

Or you can also listen and download each episode here on any device...

http://jfmoore.libsyn.com/

 

Started AD aged 14 (1997)

Stopped AD Escitralopram aged 33 (May 14th 2016) weaned down from 20mg to 1mg

10 months SSRI free since May 2016

Link to comment

There must be thousands of people on some sort of antidepressants. WHY isn't more done to offer support to people on these drugs to come off them??

I failed many times in the past having to go back to a full dose when the WD was too much.

I had to research the drug on my own and find out how to taper. I had to find out that there was a liquid form. I had to beg for the liquid and now I have to get myself through this!

I asked the GP if there was anyone to help and there isn't!? No Dr or service to help people through this. No support to advise what the hell is happening to your body and what to expect?

But WHY? There must be so many affected by this!?

This sight is the only thing that's getting me through this!?

It makes me angry that they hand out these pills so easily and then your just left to get on with it!?

You can hear my story on the Let's Talk Withdrawal podcast. Its a global weekly podcast created by James Moore that interviews experts and others suffering from the awful effects of psychiatric medication. Here's how to listen...

 

If you have an iPhone, iPad or PC/Mac with iTunes, this link will take you to the iTunes Store where you can subscribe so each new episode will download automatically...

https://goo.gl/Yz7Zmp

Or you can also listen and download each episode here on any device...

http://jfmoore.libsyn.com/

 

Started AD aged 14 (1997)

Stopped AD Escitralopram aged 33 (May 14th 2016) weaned down from 20mg to 1mg

10 months SSRI free since May 2016

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

There must be thousands of people on some sort of antidepressants. WHY isn't more done to offer support to people on these drugs to come off them??

 

CJA,

 

Don't want to sound like a "conspiracy theorist" but there were 8 billion dollars made by big pharma last year in the prescription of antidepressants.

 

Do you think the people who control the process are interested in helping people get off the drugs?

 

The help is coming from grassroots very small pockets of people -- like Survivingantidepressants.org, doctors like Kelly Brogan and Peter Breggin, etc.

 

This will take time to happen. 

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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Is there anything I can do to help this change? Sign a petition? Write to someone!?

It's so wrong that this is happening to so many people!

You can hear my story on the Let's Talk Withdrawal podcast. Its a global weekly podcast created by James Moore that interviews experts and others suffering from the awful effects of psychiatric medication. Here's how to listen...

 

If you have an iPhone, iPad or PC/Mac with iTunes, this link will take you to the iTunes Store where you can subscribe so each new episode will download automatically...

https://goo.gl/Yz7Zmp

Or you can also listen and download each episode here on any device...

http://jfmoore.libsyn.com/

 

Started AD aged 14 (1997)

Stopped AD Escitralopram aged 33 (May 14th 2016) weaned down from 20mg to 1mg

10 months SSRI free since May 2016

Link to comment

CJA.  It takes time to get the word out and as Andy said there is big money involved . You have to " follow the money ". Big Pharma  pays off their mistakes and is full of bribery and corruption. It's reminiscent of the Tobacco industry, and " whistleblowers" are few and far between, as they get death threats, car bombs and all sorts of other complications to their life . It is a conspiracy, but they're hugely powerful and therefore win.  We are merely pawns in their game !

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

Link to comment

????

You can hear my story on the Let's Talk Withdrawal podcast. Its a global weekly podcast created by James Moore that interviews experts and others suffering from the awful effects of psychiatric medication. Here's how to listen...

 

If you have an iPhone, iPad or PC/Mac with iTunes, this link will take you to the iTunes Store where you can subscribe so each new episode will download automatically...

https://goo.gl/Yz7Zmp

Or you can also listen and download each episode here on any device...

http://jfmoore.libsyn.com/

 

Started AD aged 14 (1997)

Stopped AD Escitralopram aged 33 (May 14th 2016) weaned down from 20mg to 1mg

10 months SSRI free since May 2016

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Are you in the UK? There was a meeting with MPs. doctors, psychiatrists, patients and journalists recently to discuss the problems with prescribing psych drugs. 

You can find the  video link here...

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12083-making-the-case-against-antidepressants-in-parliament-robert-whitaker/

 

It's a start and hopefully they will not be prescribing them as freely as they have been in the past. Some doctors are starting to offer counselling and other things first now, such as referrals to a gym or swimming pool for aqua therapy. 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

 

 

To be more optimistic, CJA, I would say that the biggest way change will occur is at the "grass roots" level.  The problems with SSRIs and withdrawal are being actively hidden by pharma.  To counter that, communication of these problems is probably the most important factor.  That means trying to educate family and friends about what is going on with you and others and not hiding it for fear of stigma.  The more this becomes part of the conversation generally the more other people will realize what may be happening to them and be able to act accordingly.

 

At the next level, trying to educate doctors is the next area where I think that information-sharing is critical.  Some doctors will be open-minded and others will not be willing to talk.  The ones that will need to be given a true understanding of the risks and the level of care needed in prescribing these medicines.  When I first started talking to my GP several years ago about tapering, etc. I think he was of the view that I was out of my gourd.  Several years later and HE is the one telling me how important it is taper slowly and attributing many of my unexplained symptoms to "getting off the medicine."  It is a slow process but there will be doctors willing to learn and the information of patients is what changes prescribing practices over a period of time (Kelly Brogan speaks of this phenomenon).

 

Long story short -- you should not feel like there is nothing you can do, but you should be realistic in understanding that at the individual level the best most of us will be able to do is spread the word and hope that once the story gets out to enough places that it hits an "inflection point" change will occur because it will be necessary for those controlling the process.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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Been doing so well then this evening had a really strong palpitation and its freaked me out! Frightened I'm going to have a heart attack of have another big palpitation! :(

 

Had ECG last week which was normal but frightened something could be wrong.

You can hear my story on the Let's Talk Withdrawal podcast. Its a global weekly podcast created by James Moore that interviews experts and others suffering from the awful effects of psychiatric medication. Here's how to listen...

 

If you have an iPhone, iPad or PC/Mac with iTunes, this link will take you to the iTunes Store where you can subscribe so each new episode will download automatically...

https://goo.gl/Yz7Zmp

Or you can also listen and download each episode here on any device...

http://jfmoore.libsyn.com/

 

Started AD aged 14 (1997)

Stopped AD Escitralopram aged 33 (May 14th 2016) weaned down from 20mg to 1mg

10 months SSRI free since May 2016

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

If you had a normal ECG at 33 you are HIGHLY UNLIKELY to have any heart issues.  Coupling that with the fact that palpitations are an EXTREMELY common withdrawal symptom, I would work instead on breathing and relaxation techniques.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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Thank you Andy, you're always here when I need you. You have no idea how much you help.

 

Am I unlikely to have a heart problem even though I'm obese?

You can hear my story on the Let's Talk Withdrawal podcast. Its a global weekly podcast created by James Moore that interviews experts and others suffering from the awful effects of psychiatric medication. Here's how to listen...

 

If you have an iPhone, iPad or PC/Mac with iTunes, this link will take you to the iTunes Store where you can subscribe so each new episode will download automatically...

https://goo.gl/Yz7Zmp

Or you can also listen and download each episode here on any device...

http://jfmoore.libsyn.com/

 

Started AD aged 14 (1997)

Stopped AD Escitralopram aged 33 (May 14th 2016) weaned down from 20mg to 1mg

10 months SSRI free since May 2016

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I'd prefer you lose some weight but in the face of a clean ECG, no prior history (I assume) and only 33, yes -- very unlikely.

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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I know I need to lose weight. I live in fear of my weight ????

You can hear my story on the Let's Talk Withdrawal podcast. Its a global weekly podcast created by James Moore that interviews experts and others suffering from the awful effects of psychiatric medication. Here's how to listen...

 

If you have an iPhone, iPad or PC/Mac with iTunes, this link will take you to the iTunes Store where you can subscribe so each new episode will download automatically...

https://goo.gl/Yz7Zmp

Or you can also listen and download each episode here on any device...

http://jfmoore.libsyn.com/

 

Started AD aged 14 (1997)

Stopped AD Escitralopram aged 33 (May 14th 2016) weaned down from 20mg to 1mg

10 months SSRI free since May 2016

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Andy's right, CJ - it's time to stock up on some self-care techniques to help you deal with the fear of physical symptoms, because there may be more.  You might want to familiarize yourself with Dr Joseph Glenmullen's Symptoms Checklist.  It can only help to be aware of what the potential symptoms are so that when and if they happen, you will recognize them for what they are and not get frightened.  We get a lot of people on SA who go into panic over physical symptoms or develop severe health anxiety, so before you get that far along, please check out these links:

 

Symptoms:  Important topics about symptoms

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Let me say that this is very NORMAL in withdrawal, to be frightened by physical symptoms, so you are not alone in that and of course one would feel afraid when it has to do with your heart!  I had my first heart palps EVER when in withdrawal.  I am glad that you were checked out.

 

Just try to remind yourself that the mental and physical symptoms you encounter are due to withdrawal, and they are a sign that your nervous system is doing some adjusting, which is a good thing, a sign of recovery!  Yup, trying to make it a little more palatable for ya!

 

Hugs!!!

SG

Started ADs back around 1995 after bad break-up, starting with Prozac.  Switched to Wellbutrin, and then to Effexor in 2002
Effexor XR 2002-2014 up to 225 mg at one point, down to 37.5 mg towards end but back up to 75 mg in 2014; now realize I had W/D as I dropped down, memory very poor about history.  Extreme emotions, poor concentration as I stepped back down, didn't connect the dots!
Summer 2014 reduced to 0 very quickly, was sick of anhedonia/sexual dysfunction due to meds, depression never controlled if not worse. Didn't recognize WD since symptoms built slowly (thought I had ADD! and menopausal on top of it), starting with severe sweats, very bad cog-fog and memory issues, culminating in weight loss, severe anxiety and depression, panic, severe apathy and insomnia by eight months off.  Saw p-doc who put me on Remeron, increased from 7.5 mg/day to 37.5 mg by May 22, 2015; still doing very badly though able to sleep.

June 1. 2015 Reinstated Effexor XR 37.5 mg, Remeron dropped to 30 mg PM. Immediate relief of symptoms, like nothing had ever happened!  Joined SA and began on advice of friend who recognized it was WD all along! Began tapering in July 2015.

Been tapering both meds ever since, focusing on one more than the other or doing no more than 5% of each per month.

12 mg Effexor and 5.8 mg Remeron (mirtazapine SolTabs to make a solution with OraPlus) as of 5/4/2017 

Update 3/14/18: 2.9 mg Remeron and 6 mg Effexor; 6/10/18:  2.6 mg Remeron and 4.9 mg Effexor

 

My intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9313-squirrellygirl-effexor-withdrawal-etc/page-2#entry196679

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I know I need to lose weight. I live in fear of my weight

Use it as motivation. Don't let it be a source of fear.

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

Link to comment

The feelings of Depersonalization are getting worse. I feel disconnected from everything. Like I'm going through the motions but not connecting with anything or anyone around me.

I feel like I've lost myself, my body is here but I'm not. ????

You can hear my story on the Let's Talk Withdrawal podcast. Its a global weekly podcast created by James Moore that interviews experts and others suffering from the awful effects of psychiatric medication. Here's how to listen...

 

If you have an iPhone, iPad or PC/Mac with iTunes, this link will take you to the iTunes Store where you can subscribe so each new episode will download automatically...

https://goo.gl/Yz7Zmp

Or you can also listen and download each episode here on any device...

http://jfmoore.libsyn.com/

 

Started AD aged 14 (1997)

Stopped AD Escitralopram aged 33 (May 14th 2016) weaned down from 20mg to 1mg

10 months SSRI free since May 2016

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Try not to panic, CJ - this is a common withdrawal symptom.  Are you having any other symptoms?

 

On the 13th you were feeling good, so you are in another wave and it, too, shall pass.  As Andy and I have been saying, you need to work on the self-care to nurture yourself and not get caught up in the panic.  Panic will prolong your symptoms.  Try to find ways to distract yourself from what you are experiencing.  Take an epsom salt bath,  listen to some soothing music in a darkened, quiet space, etc.

 

Distract yourself by reading this link :-)  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1766-derealizationdepersonalization/

 

SG

Started ADs back around 1995 after bad break-up, starting with Prozac.  Switched to Wellbutrin, and then to Effexor in 2002
Effexor XR 2002-2014 up to 225 mg at one point, down to 37.5 mg towards end but back up to 75 mg in 2014; now realize I had W/D as I dropped down, memory very poor about history.  Extreme emotions, poor concentration as I stepped back down, didn't connect the dots!
Summer 2014 reduced to 0 very quickly, was sick of anhedonia/sexual dysfunction due to meds, depression never controlled if not worse. Didn't recognize WD since symptoms built slowly (thought I had ADD! and menopausal on top of it), starting with severe sweats, very bad cog-fog and memory issues, culminating in weight loss, severe anxiety and depression, panic, severe apathy and insomnia by eight months off.  Saw p-doc who put me on Remeron, increased from 7.5 mg/day to 37.5 mg by May 22, 2015; still doing very badly though able to sleep.

June 1. 2015 Reinstated Effexor XR 37.5 mg, Remeron dropped to 30 mg PM. Immediate relief of symptoms, like nothing had ever happened!  Joined SA and began on advice of friend who recognized it was WD all along! Began tapering in July 2015.

Been tapering both meds ever since, focusing on one more than the other or doing no more than 5% of each per month.

12 mg Effexor and 5.8 mg Remeron (mirtazapine SolTabs to make a solution with OraPlus) as of 5/4/2017 

Update 3/14/18: 2.9 mg Remeron and 6 mg Effexor; 6/10/18:  2.6 mg Remeron and 4.9 mg Effexor

 

My intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9313-squirrellygirl-effexor-withdrawal-etc/page-2#entry196679

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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I'm feeling a lot better in many ways but this feeling of being disconnected from everything is horrible. Again I'm left wondering if this is who I am without AD. But I will hope and pray that it'll ease off too. Thank you SG X

You can hear my story on the Let's Talk Withdrawal podcast. Its a global weekly podcast created by James Moore that interviews experts and others suffering from the awful effects of psychiatric medication. Here's how to listen...

 

If you have an iPhone, iPad or PC/Mac with iTunes, this link will take you to the iTunes Store where you can subscribe so each new episode will download automatically...

https://goo.gl/Yz7Zmp

Or you can also listen and download each episode here on any device...

http://jfmoore.libsyn.com/

 

Started AD aged 14 (1997)

Stopped AD Escitralopram aged 33 (May 14th 2016) weaned down from 20mg to 1mg

10 months SSRI free since May 2016

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  • Moderator Emeritus

CJA,

 

It is very, very likely that the substantial majority, and perhaps all, of your symptoms are withdrawal matters and not "you without the drug." I say this because they are all things that are frequent symptoms of w/d. The anxiety that you create in yourself by worrying about them being the "real you" serves to perpetuate some/many/most of them or at least make them worse.

 

As hard as it is, if you can tell yourself "this is withdrawal" it will help.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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Thank you Andy, I'm trying to reassure myself that they are WD symptoms but having battled health anxiety for many years it's very difficult.

I'm now at a stage after that awful palpitation on Thursday evening that I don't want to be alone.

It's so hard to rise above it all when I feel like I'm drowning, but I'm trying.

You can hear my story on the Let's Talk Withdrawal podcast. Its a global weekly podcast created by James Moore that interviews experts and others suffering from the awful effects of psychiatric medication. Here's how to listen...

 

If you have an iPhone, iPad or PC/Mac with iTunes, this link will take you to the iTunes Store where you can subscribe so each new episode will download automatically...

https://goo.gl/Yz7Zmp

Or you can also listen and download each episode here on any device...

http://jfmoore.libsyn.com/

 

Started AD aged 14 (1997)

Stopped AD Escitralopram aged 33 (May 14th 2016) weaned down from 20mg to 1mg

10 months SSRI free since May 2016

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

I will tell you a short story.  I have a friend I made who is on this forum and introduced me to SA.  We used to call each other and support each other through waves.  She had such severe health anxiety that I wondered if she was just a hypochondriac even before coming off the meds.  One day we spoke and she was in a window, and it was like speaking with another person!  She was so calm and unflappable about any of the concerns she had been fretting endlessly over before!  She had been worrying over a scheduled mammogram coming up, but now she was totally unconcerned!  She went, had it done, didn't panic, and was calm throughout!  That was when I realized that the presentation you are experiencing now is in itself a withdrawal symptom!

 

You will come into a window and experience a calm that leaves you wondering how you could have been so troubled before :-)  In the meantime, as Andy wrote, keep reminding yourself "this is withdrawal, and it will pass."  I think it helps to see symptoms as signs of the nervous system adjusting and adapting, healing.  I love these threads on the matter of healing:

 

Brain Remodelling (Rhi's Description of Brain Healing)

What is Happening in Your Brain

 

The second one is about benzos but is applicable to ADs.

 

SG

Started ADs back around 1995 after bad break-up, starting with Prozac.  Switched to Wellbutrin, and then to Effexor in 2002
Effexor XR 2002-2014 up to 225 mg at one point, down to 37.5 mg towards end but back up to 75 mg in 2014; now realize I had W/D as I dropped down, memory very poor about history.  Extreme emotions, poor concentration as I stepped back down, didn't connect the dots!
Summer 2014 reduced to 0 very quickly, was sick of anhedonia/sexual dysfunction due to meds, depression never controlled if not worse. Didn't recognize WD since symptoms built slowly (thought I had ADD! and menopausal on top of it), starting with severe sweats, very bad cog-fog and memory issues, culminating in weight loss, severe anxiety and depression, panic, severe apathy and insomnia by eight months off.  Saw p-doc who put me on Remeron, increased from 7.5 mg/day to 37.5 mg by May 22, 2015; still doing very badly though able to sleep.

June 1. 2015 Reinstated Effexor XR 37.5 mg, Remeron dropped to 30 mg PM. Immediate relief of symptoms, like nothing had ever happened!  Joined SA and began on advice of friend who recognized it was WD all along! Began tapering in July 2015.

Been tapering both meds ever since, focusing on one more than the other or doing no more than 5% of each per month.

12 mg Effexor and 5.8 mg Remeron (mirtazapine SolTabs to make a solution with OraPlus) as of 5/4/2017 

Update 3/14/18: 2.9 mg Remeron and 6 mg Effexor; 6/10/18:  2.6 mg Remeron and 4.9 mg Effexor

 

My intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9313-squirrellygirl-effexor-withdrawal-etc/page-2#entry196679

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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Hey SG,

 

Thank you for sharing that story about your friend with me. I never thought of the health anxiety as a WD symptom, I guess I thought of it as an issue I've had in the past that's come back. I'm looking forward to the day that window comes.

I'm going to see a lady tmrw with regards to possible counselling and hypnotherapy to help me get control of my emotions.

Thank you for giving me hope. You are all truly amazing on here!! X

You can hear my story on the Let's Talk Withdrawal podcast. Its a global weekly podcast created by James Moore that interviews experts and others suffering from the awful effects of psychiatric medication. Here's how to listen...

 

If you have an iPhone, iPad or PC/Mac with iTunes, this link will take you to the iTunes Store where you can subscribe so each new episode will download automatically...

https://goo.gl/Yz7Zmp

Or you can also listen and download each episode here on any device...

http://jfmoore.libsyn.com/

 

Started AD aged 14 (1997)

Stopped AD Escitralopram aged 33 (May 14th 2016) weaned down from 20mg to 1mg

10 months SSRI free since May 2016

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Is feeling like there's no point in anything anymore part of this.

My health anxiety is bad and it's got to the point where I scared to be alone to the point of breaking down because my husband had to walk the dog today.

I've got to wait another 4 weeks for any counselling.

I'm living in constant fear, high anxiety. Really had enough of being in my own head. Can't live like this.

Do I just give up and go back in the AD to bring the old me back? Cause I don't like my life right now.

You can hear my story on the Let's Talk Withdrawal podcast. Its a global weekly podcast created by James Moore that interviews experts and others suffering from the awful effects of psychiatric medication. Here's how to listen...

 

If you have an iPhone, iPad or PC/Mac with iTunes, this link will take you to the iTunes Store where you can subscribe so each new episode will download automatically...

https://goo.gl/Yz7Zmp

Or you can also listen and download each episode here on any device...

http://jfmoore.libsyn.com/

 

Started AD aged 14 (1997)

Stopped AD Escitralopram aged 33 (May 14th 2016) weaned down from 20mg to 1mg

10 months SSRI free since May 2016

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi CJ, 
 
I'm sorry things have been difficult lately. You have had some good days (hours?) so it might be that this is a wave. Have you read the topic about The Windows and Waves pattern of stabilization

What non-drug techniques are you trying to cope with anxiety? Just above in post #54 SquirrellyGirl posted a link to a discussion topic about non-drug techinques.  Have you read that? I'm sure you'll find at least a few ideas that will be helpful.

 

Would you take a moment to edit your signature with the actual or approximate date of your last 1mg dose of escitalopram?  As time goes on "2 weeks ago" means a different date. :)

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

CJ, you are caught up in the extreme thinking that is caused by withdrawal, all black and white.  I just want you to take three deep breaths and step away from yourself for a moment.  Focus on the sensation of each breath entering and leaving your body.  Allow yourself to calm.

 

You are still within the three month window where it is believed reinstatement can help.  See Andy's post;  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12272-cjaj16-so-scared-and-lost-escitralopram-withdrawel/?p=230892

 

You might need to titrate up if you don't get the relief you need from 1 mg, but hopefully you will find a happy medium that is such a low dose that you will be able to taper slowly off and still be able to get pregnant while near the end of it.

 

I'm sorry it is still so awful for you.  Hugs to you!

SG

Started ADs back around 1995 after bad break-up, starting with Prozac.  Switched to Wellbutrin, and then to Effexor in 2002
Effexor XR 2002-2014 up to 225 mg at one point, down to 37.5 mg towards end but back up to 75 mg in 2014; now realize I had W/D as I dropped down, memory very poor about history.  Extreme emotions, poor concentration as I stepped back down, didn't connect the dots!
Summer 2014 reduced to 0 very quickly, was sick of anhedonia/sexual dysfunction due to meds, depression never controlled if not worse. Didn't recognize WD since symptoms built slowly (thought I had ADD! and menopausal on top of it), starting with severe sweats, very bad cog-fog and memory issues, culminating in weight loss, severe anxiety and depression, panic, severe apathy and insomnia by eight months off.  Saw p-doc who put me on Remeron, increased from 7.5 mg/day to 37.5 mg by May 22, 2015; still doing very badly though able to sleep.

June 1. 2015 Reinstated Effexor XR 37.5 mg, Remeron dropped to 30 mg PM. Immediate relief of symptoms, like nothing had ever happened!  Joined SA and began on advice of friend who recognized it was WD all along! Began tapering in July 2015.

Been tapering both meds ever since, focusing on one more than the other or doing no more than 5% of each per month.

12 mg Effexor and 5.8 mg Remeron (mirtazapine SolTabs to make a solution with OraPlus) as of 5/4/2017 

Update 3/14/18: 2.9 mg Remeron and 6 mg Effexor; 6/10/18:  2.6 mg Remeron and 4.9 mg Effexor

 

My intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9313-squirrellygirl-effexor-withdrawal-etc/page-2#entry196679

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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I can't bear the thought of taking it again after going through so much hell, but I'm beginning to think a life without the drug isn't going to happen for me.

What kind of life is this!? Living in constant fear cause of my health anxiety, effecting the people I love because I can't bear to be alone. I'm never going to be able to be a mum because I can't even cope on my own.

I've never felt this way before and it's scaring me.

You can hear my story on the Let's Talk Withdrawal podcast. Its a global weekly podcast created by James Moore that interviews experts and others suffering from the awful effects of psychiatric medication. Here's how to listen...

 

If you have an iPhone, iPad or PC/Mac with iTunes, this link will take you to the iTunes Store where you can subscribe so each new episode will download automatically...

https://goo.gl/Yz7Zmp

Or you can also listen and download each episode here on any device...

http://jfmoore.libsyn.com/

 

Started AD aged 14 (1997)

Stopped AD Escitralopram aged 33 (May 14th 2016) weaned down from 20mg to 1mg

10 months SSRI free since May 2016

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

CJ, It's completely natural and understandable to have fears or anxieties about restarting an antidepressant that you've had difficulty leaving behind. It's awful that the drug that we have discontinued causes extremely unpleasant, barely tolerable withdrawal symptoms. It's even worse that the best way to get ease the w/d symptoms is to try a tiny dose of that same drug. :angry:  :( 
 
You did a great job with your taper down to 1 mg. Sad to say that you are not the only person who has carefully tapered and "jumped" at what seemed like a sensible dose at which to stop, then had w/d symptoms. 

 

Escitalopram is a very powerful drug and is a particularly harsh task mistress about discontinuing.

 

You're not pregnant yet -- trying to stabilize your CNS with a reinstatement so that you feel better and can function more fully is a good option.  CJ, SquirrellyGirl's proposal to reinstate 1 mg is so much less than a maintenance dose -- probably 90-95% less than 20 mg, my guess at the dose you took for most of 6 years. That small a dose would significantly reduce the metabolic load on your liver compared to maintenance doses (10-20 mg).

 

Reinstating 1 mg of escitalopram may lighten your symptoms; you *might* even find that they fade to nothing. After fine tuning the reinstatement dose and stabilizing on that you could start a slow steady taper based on your symptoms not a calendar from that point. 

 

Your signature today:
 
[Meds history: first on 20 mg Seroxat (paroxetine) and an attempt to taper it, many years of 20 mg Prozac, and 20 mg Citalopram for a short time]

 

[my doctors] moved me onto Escitalopram. I honestly can't remember how long I've been on that now but it's over 6 years.
 
I've been withdrawing for the last couple of years finding it easy enough to get down to 10mg. I stabilised on 10mg for about 9 months then began tapering again using the liquid dropping a line on the syringe at a time for 3-4 weeks. It was a 1ml syringe. I took the last dose of 1mg just over 2 weeks ago [mid-may 2016].
 
Felt fine for a few days then the head and body shocks began. I've had many other symptoms also irritation, anxiety, panic attacks, vivid dreams, feeling disconnected, headache/migraine, feeling sick, loss of appetite, dizziness, palpitations, emotional, crying spells.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment
  • 5 weeks later...

So I stuck it out and didn't reinstate, the physical symptoms have gone but the emotional symptoms haven't.

Anxiety is hideous, can't even be alone for 5 minutes and as a result of the anxiety taking over my life I feel very very low. Feeling like there's no point in anything anymore if this is the way my life's going to be what's the point. It's effecting my husband and parents, they always have to be around. Nothing excites me, nothing makes me feel happy, I have nothing to look forward too I'm just excisting one day to the next.

I'm having EMDR once a week, have only had 2 sessions, it's a type of counselling.

Just starting to think my brain is screwed, how will I ever be ok?

The thought of living a life like this is to overwhelming. Should I just give up hope of having a baby and go back on the drugs??

I don't know what else to do, I can't live like this ????

You can hear my story on the Let's Talk Withdrawal podcast. Its a global weekly podcast created by James Moore that interviews experts and others suffering from the awful effects of psychiatric medication. Here's how to listen...

 

If you have an iPhone, iPad or PC/Mac with iTunes, this link will take you to the iTunes Store where you can subscribe so each new episode will download automatically...

https://goo.gl/Yz7Zmp

Or you can also listen and download each episode here on any device...

http://jfmoore.libsyn.com/

 

Started AD aged 14 (1997)

Stopped AD Escitralopram aged 33 (May 14th 2016) weaned down from 20mg to 1mg

10 months SSRI free since May 2016

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

CJ: Your brain is not screwed. Your CNS (central nervous system) is doing a great deal of work as it adjusts to the absence of escitalopram -- upregulating cells and processes that were downregulated when you started escitalopram, and downregulating those that were upregulated, increasing or decreasing the production of enzymes and neurotransmitters, etc.

 

Would you edit your signature to show the actual date of your last escitalopram dose?  2 weeks ago means something different today than when you wrote that. You could also edit your signature to show just the 4Ds -- drugs, doses, dates and discontinuations.

 

Are you willing to consider reinstating?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

I've updated my signature. It was the 14th May I took my last dose of 1mg.

Saw the Dr today and shared my frightening thoughts, he's prescribed Diazepam. Only to be taken when I really need it.

 

Will things get better then? Is the anxiety because my brain is still healing?

It would break my heart to go back on the drugs but if this doesn't lift and these thoughts dont go away then I will have to go back on the drugs and give up on my dream of having a baby.

You can hear my story on the Let's Talk Withdrawal podcast. Its a global weekly podcast created by James Moore that interviews experts and others suffering from the awful effects of psychiatric medication. Here's how to listen...

 

If you have an iPhone, iPad or PC/Mac with iTunes, this link will take you to the iTunes Store where you can subscribe so each new episode will download automatically...

https://goo.gl/Yz7Zmp

Or you can also listen and download each episode here on any device...

http://jfmoore.libsyn.com/

 

Started AD aged 14 (1997)

Stopped AD Escitralopram aged 33 (May 14th 2016) weaned down from 20mg to 1mg

10 months SSRI free since May 2016

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

CJ -

 

Reinstating a tiny dose of escitalopram is much more likely to ease your symptoms and provide stability than starting to take Valium.  Starting a benzodiazepine such as Valium may cover up and/or "smother" your anxiety but at some point you'll need to taper off it.

 

What did your doctor say about escitalopram?

 

You do not need to give up on your intention to start a family. 

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

Dr didn't say anything about Escitralopram today. Just previously that I can't be pregnant on it.

If I reinstate a small amount won't I get symptoms of going back on the drug and then have to go through it all again?

You can hear my story on the Let's Talk Withdrawal podcast. Its a global weekly podcast created by James Moore that interviews experts and others suffering from the awful effects of psychiatric medication. Here's how to listen...

 

If you have an iPhone, iPad or PC/Mac with iTunes, this link will take you to the iTunes Store where you can subscribe so each new episode will download automatically...

https://goo.gl/Yz7Zmp

Or you can also listen and download each episode here on any device...

http://jfmoore.libsyn.com/

 

Started AD aged 14 (1997)

Stopped AD Escitralopram aged 33 (May 14th 2016) weaned down from 20mg to 1mg

10 months SSRI free since May 2016

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