Rico: Zyprexa tapering

[Rico]

Hi ChessieCat,

 

I can't see the post numbers from my phone, however I took the Lithium (900mg) yesterday in the morning 10:30am based on a suggestion. The day before, I took it with the Zyprexa at 8:00pm and prior to that it wa ka taken with the zyprexa at 8:00pm.

 

Here are my discoveries, and I am aware that I haven't waited 4 days for my CNS to adapt but I have been feeling desperate because i've been so sick.

 

1. Taking the Zyprexa 2.5mg at 5:00pm doesn't work at all because it puts me in a zoned out and confused state and I need to function past this time as I have things I need to do.

 

2. Moving Epilim 1000mg earlier was better than moving the zyprexa, however I noticed the following:

 

A. Taking Epilim 1000mg in one go at 5:00pm would shut me down and I would feel very depressed exactly 1hour later.

 

B. Taking the lithium 900mg with the Zyprexa 2.5mg affected my sleep because of feeling dehydrated in the middle of the night.

 

Yesterday, I took all the Lithium in the morning and all the Epilim at 5:00pm. The zyprexa is still at 8:00pm

 

Basically, what I have been trying to do is not feel so sick from either the lithium or the epilim.

 

Today, I woke up much better without just the Zyprexa at 8:00pm and no lithium (since I took the lithium in the morning).

 

The schedule which I would now like to proceed with in order to minimize the side effects of the Lithium and Epilim is:

 

9:00 am - Lithium 450 and Epilim 500 (half normal dose of each)

 

5:00 pm - Lithium 450 and Epilim 500

 

8:00 pm - zyprexa 2.5

 

I will stay on this schedule for at least 4 days before commencing the zyprexa taper.

 

Does this sound reasonable?

 

I apologize that I have not been able to stick out 4 days in between changes, but I have been feeling very sick from these drugs. In the past, I used to be able to handle much more than this, but I am not coping with these doses at all.

 

Furthermore, zyprexa is not even behaving the same way is used to in the past.

 

I will not worry about tapering Lithium or Epilim until I first see how the Zyprexa taper goes.

[Shep]

Here are my discoveries, and I am aware that I haven't waited 4 days for my CNS to adapt but I have been feeling desperate because i've been so sick.

 

Rico, just a thought - one reason you may be so sick is because you're not waiting at least 4 days for your CNS to adapt.

 

That being said, you may be so destabilized and suffering from paradoxical reactions that you may not fully stabilize. If this is the case, then it's important that you learn to self-sooth enough to get you through this.

 

I never stabilized and had a very rough ride off my drugs because I didn't know about tapering until I was almost completely off my drugs. 

 

Please read through your thread, as there are links to non-drug coping skills and ways of helping you learn to self sooth as you go through this process.

 

For now, please stop moving your drugs around, stay still. Give your mind / body time to catch up to these changes. 

 

And focus instead on ways to distract and cope with the symptoms. In time, these coping skills will feel less like work and more like your escape. They will become habit. They will become your new lifestyle, which is important as you taper and no longer have drugs to control symptoms. Like you're finding out, how they work changes as your CNS becomes more and more destabilized. These coping skills will not make it perfect, but they will help enough to get you through this survival-mode phase of your withdrawal. 

[Rico]

Thanks Shep.

 

I'll stay on the current schedule for a while before any tapering.

 

Can I add that after taking the Zyprexa last night I feel very sick. I zone out, slow down, and my brain turns into jelly. I become dysfunctional.

 

I go to sleep in this dysfunctional state and don't get a good sleep.

 

I woke up very depressed today and dysfunctional. My memory is quite bad too.

 

I feel so sic from the Zyprexa that I contemplate going to hospital. Zyprexa never used to do this to me.

[Rico]

Today

 

Woke up very depressed. Sleep quality was not good am woke up feeling like I have no memory. I didn't know what day it was and was very disorientated.

 

9:00 am - took Epilim 500 and Lithium 450

Felt slow and depressed

 

12:00 - forced myself to go swimming with a friend. Found that my mind was all over the place ruminating and trying to solve my problem with these medication etc. I also had an anxiety attack. It wasn't a physical anxiety attack but just my mind getting very anxious really quickly. I just prayed and it seemed to pass.

 

I was very depressed about my gynecomastia which got a lot worse since the introduction of these drugs three months ago. It makes me sad.

 

3:00pm - on the way to have a late lunch, talking to my friend in the car, I felt very cognitively impaired. I was struggling to hold a conversation and remember details

 

3:00 - 4:00 - we had some food and I didn't feel mentally well. I started getting anxious again - what's wrong with me?? Am I brain damaged? What's happening? These sort of thoughts

 

4:00 - 5:00 - lied down on the couch wanting to rest but couldn't. I felt like my memory has gone and that mind is getting worse

 

5:00 pm - took Epilim 500 and Litium 450z

 

Felt depressed and slow again

 

8;00 - took the Zyprexa 2.5. Feel awful as usual

 

Overall, appallingly ill today and I have a lot of fear that I am getting worse.

 

I crave having a sleep where I wake up feeling like I have actually slept and somehow restored a bit.

[Rico]

Help please:

 

Last night after taking the Zyprexa at 8:00pm, I lay in bed feeling very sick physically. My whole body felt toxic but I didn't want to vomit or anything like that.

 

This morning. I woke up feeling very dysfunctional and depressed. I had breakfast and took my morning tablets (Epilim 500 and Lithium 450). I forced myself to have a shower and get dressed to go visit my girlfriend at work. About an hour later, I felt very physically sick again. I am feeling very fatigued, sick, depressed and just extremely toxic.

 

All of these drugs are making me sick - especially the Zyprexa. I don't know what to do. I have been suffering from these drugs in one way or another for the last 3 months.

[Shep]

Rico, you have got to learn to manage your symptoms and your taper. As an online forum, we can only do so much for you. 

 

Please see:

 

• potential withdrawal symptoms
• what's required from you and your ability to self-manage

I know you're feeling miserable, but you're most likely going to feel that way for awhile because your CNS is incredibly destabilized. The sooner you can find ways of distracting yourself, the easier this will be. Constantly fighting with these kinds of thought streams is incredibly exhausting. 

 

You can come off these drugs and heal, but it's going to be a long process that will be uncomfortable.

 

Please read through your thread and take a look at the links about the withdrawal process and the non-drug coping skills. Learning how to pass the time while you're having symptoms is the key to getting through this. 

 

Once you've given your CNS some time to recover from your recent changes, then you can start your Zyprexa taper. Knowing that this is temporary should bring some comfort. 

 

Also, check out some of the other threads on the forum. There are lots of videos and interesting discussions over in the "Off Topic" and "In the Media" sections. Once you read and post on other sections of the forum, you may feel less isolated. Try to connect to other members who are going through exactly what you are. 

 

Make your withdrawal space less about your symptoms and more about the journey - after 18 years, you're finally getting the information you need to get off these drugs. But it's not a painless process. 

 

Sending healing vibes your way. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Rico]

Thanks Shep. Here is my update for today:

 

9:00 am - woke up dysfunctional and depressed. Sleep quality was poor. Took Epilim 500 and Lithium 450

 

10:00am - starting feeling slow and depressed

 

11:00 - forced myself to fetch us into town to visit girlfriend

 

1:00 - had lunch with girlfriend

 

Felt very depressed, slow and very dysfunctional

 

5:30 - 7:00 pm - took train home with girlfriend. Overall quite depressed and fatigued and mentally out of it.

 

8:00pm - took Epilim 500, Lithium 450 and zyprexa 2.5

+ Magnesium 150mg

(I thought I would be home earlier today, so I didn't 5:00 pm tablets with me)

 

About to go to sleep but I feel very depressed, mentally exhausted and quite hopeless.

 

The thoughts going through my head are:

 

- how am I going to survive at 10% taper of zyprexa which I feel is literaly killing my brain?

- what about the Epilim an Lithium that cause me to feel awful exactly 1 hour after taking them?

- I am sick of feeling sick everyday

- is there a quicker way to get better??

- should I go to a private hospital and explain to them that these are symptoms and maybe they can help (and also ask to not be put on any other drugs?)

 

 

I feel like I have completely lost myself. I am finding it hard to think and remember. I struggle with mental anxiety when a stressful situation presents itself. My concentration is very poor. I feel like I haven't had a proper sleep in a while - I think last week there was in night that I had a little bit obdeep sleep and it made a big difference.

 

 

Given the above information:

 

1. Should i continue with the current schedule of the divided Epilim:Lithium dose?

 

2. When can I start tapering the zyprexa?

 

Other than all the helpful links (thanks everyone), is there anything else I should do?

 

Thank you all for your help. I am really struggling at the moment and often my fear kicks in that maybe I do need to be on meds to manage my "mood disorder" etc.

[scallywag]

Your questions:
 
Should I continue with the current schedule of the divided Epilim:Lithium dose?

Yes, further changes will further destabilize your CNS.  Keep things consistent, regular, stable.

 
When can I start tapering the zyprexa?

From Shep's post immediately above your most recent post:
 

...
I know you're feeling miserable, but you're most likely going to feel that way for awhile because your CNS is incredibly destabilized. The sooner you can find ways of distracting yourself, the easier this will be. Constantly fighting with these kinds of thought streams is incredibly exhausting.
...
Once you've given your CNS some time to recover from your recent changes, then you can start your Zyprexa taper. Knowing that this is temporary should bring some comfort. 
 ...

[Rico]

Thanks Scallywag.

 

I find that when I close my eyes my brain is vwry anxious and it's hard to rest. I tried to have a nap today, but just couldn't because my mind was so anxious.

 

I tried to focus on my breathing and practice mindfulness, but found it very difficult to just relax. I then start thinking that maybe this is a bipolar symptom and I barking up the wrong tree etc etc

 

I haven't slept properly for a while. Any suggestions please?

[AliG]

Hi Rico.   Please try not to " label " yourself as anything. That is just Big Pharma, Doctor talk. 

 

How long is it since you slept ? I went nearly two years without sleep, but am sleeping now non - medicated or supplemented .

 

What have you tried in the way of non - drug coping skills ?  What methods are you employing to sleep ?

[Rico]

Do you mean 2 years without any sleep???

 

My sleep is more of a sedated sleep. I pass out at some point and wake up awful from the Zyprexa.

 

I employ deep breathing before me go to sleep.

[Shep]

We're between a rock and a hard place, Rico. If you stay on the drugs, your health will erode.

 

But going off the drugs, especially while in a state of CNS destabilization, comes with, for many of us, months of difficult symptoms.

 

That's why it's important to have a toolbox full of non-drug coping skills. Or at the very least, some movies, video games, music, etc. to pass the time. 

 

The insomnia is difficult and causes problems with work, relationships, and just making it out to the grocery store. But if you read through the Success Stories , you see not only what we are capable of surviving, but the very fact that it is so worth the struggle in the end.  

 

There's also the concept of micro-sleep, which give us a way of letting the mind/body rest enough for us to get through the waves. You just have to be very careful of driving or any tasks where you need to be alert to be safe. 

 

Like Ali, I'm surviving very lengthy periods without much sleep, but I have a list of movies to watch on Netflix, video games, and music that let me pass the time without worrying about it. 

 

Try not to panic, but spend your time and energy on activities that let your CNS rest. I'm glad your doing deep breathing exercises. Keep adding on these kinds of skills and your journey will be much, much easier. 

 

 

[Rico]

To be honest, I have been feeling so sick from these drugs (especially the Zyprexa) that I just want to go to a private hospital with the hope that they can me off some of the drugs quicker.

 

I am sick and dysfunctional pretty much all day and it's impacting my relationship. I am really stuck right now.

 

I am even starting to feel physically sick after the Zyprexa and my body temperature rises. My weight is becoming an issue too.

 

Any thoughts on this?

[Shep]

Rico, when you are feeling stable enough, we've already stated that reducing the Zyprexa by 10% would be the best thing to do. 

 

If you do decide to go into a private hospital, they probably will reduce your drug with a very quick taper, as well as add in "helper drugs" for your symptoms. You may very well walk out of the hospital more polydrugged than you are now. 

 

In order for us to help you in an online environment, you have to be able to manage your own taper, as listed here: your ability to self-manage

 

What do you mean by self-manage?

 

Dealing with this challenge requires a lot from you, the "taperer". You need to be able to

• take responsibility for your decisions
   
• exercise extreme patience
   
• tolerate discomfort and uncertainty
   
• communicate truthfully and responsibly about what is going on with you
   
• identify when you require local, in-person support and then take real-life action to obtain it

 

Please carefully consider your ability to meet the challenges of tapering in the context of both your current wellness and life situation.

 

 

[Shep]

Rico, how are you doing now? Have you started the 10% Zyprexa reduction?

 

Give an update, when you're able. 

[Rico]

Hi Shep & everyone, (please help!)

 

I started tapering the Zyprexa on Saturday 5th November (10% using compounded liquid formula). I will update my signature when I can get to my computer.

 

I was asleep at my girlfriend's house and woke up Sunday morning feeling awful and that my head weighed a tonne. I was dysfunctional most of the day and felt head pains.

 

On Sunday night, I slept only a few hours, went back to sleep and felt the left side of my face in pain and head pains also. I took a couple of panadols and went back to bed.

 

Last night after taking the Zyprexa at 8pm, I felt very sedated within 30mins. I felt awful.

 

I tried to go to sleep and although sedated, my mind couldn't switch off. I lay there in agony tossing and turning. I kept waking up with my mind racing and my mind all jumbled up.

 

By the time I got to 6am the anxiety and mind racing was quite severe. I cannot describe in words how this feels like. I took a 5mg Valium and got a little bit of rest because I wanted to go to hospital.

 

My concerned mother took me to hospital and I explained the situation. The doctor was more interested in getting my history first. I wanted help with this medication that is causing me so much grief. He didn't seem to have much time for me and I decided I didn't want to be there.

 

I have been on al the antipsychotics and I don't think this doctor was going to help me. I asked him about getting off Zyprexa and he said "you can stop it if you want but you may have more problems". I really felt helpless and if he speaks to my psychiatrist, he will just tell him that I need to be on an antipsychoti - even though I have functioned fine before without them.

 

Please understand that I went to hue hospital out of desperation and feeling like my head was going to explode.

 

I decided not to stay in the hospital.

 

I am quite anxious at the moment and confused. I am scared of being permanently disabled. I had a little lie down after coming back from hospital and I was extremely anxious. I am anxious about a lot of things. I did deep breathing and calmed myself down - but still couldn't sleep.

 

I am craving quality sleep!!!

 

I took the Epilim and Lithium at 5:00pm and went upstairs to try and sleep. I couldn't. My mind was just going and going with anxious thoughts.

 

I am scared about what will happen tonight when I take the Zyprexa (I'll stick to the 10%) for now unles you think I should reinstate.

 

When I take the Zyprexa I feel so awfully sedated.

 

I hope and pray tonight is different. I am going to go for a long walk tonight to tire myself out and hopefully things will be different.

 

I am though extremely anxious.

 

If you have any advice regarding managing anxiety please let me know. My doctor has dumped me and I am not used to not having professional support.

 

Should I reinstate to 2.5mg instead of the current dose of 10% off?

 

Can anyone relate to the intense anxiety I have described - the mind racing / head exploding type?

 

I am so scared of being disabled

[AliG]

Rico. I'm sorry that you're having such a struggle at the moment. If I can ask a few questions it might help us to answer some of your questions more accurately.

 

What exact dose of Zyprexa did you take on Saturday and since then ?  

 

Last night after taking the Zyprexa at 8pm, I felt very sedated within 30mins. I felt awful.

Did you feel different to how you normally feel after taking the zyprexa ? Do you normally feel that sedated ?

 

Did you take your other medications at the same time you usually do ? 

 

Unfortunately, as you found there is really not a lot to be gained from going to hospital. The doctor's usually increase or change your medications and they can not usually bring you off your current drugs in a gentle and safe way. I'm glad you decided not to stay.

 

What non - drug coping methods have you tried so far for managing your anxiety ?

 

If you can find some ways of naturally relieving this anxiety, that might give you confidence in handling this symptom so that you don't become so overwhelmed by it in the future.

 

Managing your symptoms throughout this process is so important and will possibly be a predictor of success or failure. This is partly  what Shep was referring to in her post above in reference to your ability to self manage which includes practicing extreme patience and tolerating discomfort and uncertainty. 

 

We can certainly help you through this but we can't do the work for you. It takes some time and commitment on your part to help us, help you. If you can do that I'm sure it will go well. 

Ali   

[Rico]

Hi AliG,

 

The exact dose of Zyprexa that I took was 2.25. I reduced the 2.5mg dose by 10%.

 

In the past when I have taken Zyprexa, I get sedated and sleep ok. The other night (my last post) I just got sedated but my mind couldn't switch off.

 

Last night though, I did manage to get some sleep but I have woken up extremely anxious again and my hands are shaking uand feel like very shaky all over.

 

I also find that I lie in bed and my thoughts are all over the place and I am confused.

 

I am not coping too well at the moment at all with the anxiety.

 

Thanks

Rico

[Rico]

Hi, here's my update for today:

 

8:00 am: woke up very anxious and jittery

9:00 am: took Epilim and lithium

 

1:00pm: went swimming with a friend

 

I have been anxious about seeing my pdoc at the end of the month and this has caused me a lot of stress and anxiety.

 

I am finding it hard to relax and felt very mentally agitated today.

 

5:00 pm took lithium / Epilim

 

I was ok but still quite anxious and head all over the place.

 

I started to feel better around 7:00pm. I actually started getting sleepy. I dreaded taking the Zyprexa, because of what I does to me afterwards.

 

I considered going CT and just going along with the sleepy feeling I had. My partner sternly advised otherwise.

 

So....

 

9:00pm - took Zyprexa. Started feeling depresssd, angry and not even sedated.

 

In bed now typing this wide awake.

 

I hate this drug. I wish I could just stop it CT and be ok.

[Rico]

Hi,

 

I woke up today in bed paralysed by anxiety. I didn't have anxiety last night. After taking the Zyprexa dose (2.25), I eventually went to sleep but woke up paralysed by anxiety and having suicidal thoughts.

 

Could the Zyprexa be causing this? This is tough.

[LucyG]

Hi Rico,

 

I'm trying to taper from zyprexa too. I quit CT from a 1.25 dose and after 2 days of feeling great had a relapse with flu like symptoms, anxiety, depression, panic and feelings of impending doom.

 

I've reinstated to 2.5 and after a week I've stabilised. I'll hold for a while longer and then taper. There are some stories on the site about people who have successfully tapered and got off zyprexa. These stories are ones that have inspired me and given me hope.

 

I have also been going to a psychologist, which has helped immensely. She has 20 years experience treating patients with severe depression. I know you are in Sydney and if you are interested you can go to your doctor and get a mental health care plan that entitles you to 10 visits through medicare. My psychologist bulk bills so I don't have to pay anything.

 

I also go to a doctor who does acupuncture for my anxiety. I've been going to him for years and he helped me with the milder depression I used to get. But I've started again after a major depression and I'm finding it helpful too. He also bulk bills.

 

I've found that scheduling in an activity or 2 each day gets me going and feeling like I have a purpose. Even just going for a coffee with friends.

 

There is also an organisation in Sydney called Ability Options who support people into employment who have mental health issues. I registered with them and they have been great. They help with all aspects of employment from interview and resume to finding you work. They are very understanding and get it when it comes to mental health. It might be something to investigate?

 

Good luck with stabilising and coming off zyprexa. I don't like taking the drug, but I'm resigned to it for now. There was a thread by someone called Andy, who successfully got off zyprexa, had anxiety most days, but managed to go to work. His story got me onto the site and has given me hope that I can come off all meds, especially zyprexa, eventually.

 

Hope your days start getting better for you.

 

Lucy

[LucyG]

Hi again, Rico

 

Just saw your last post. If you are having suicidal thoughts you should call someone close and talk or call Life Line.

 

I've been there and at that time I had a friend who would pick me up and I would go to her place.

Other times I'd call the Acute Care Team at the local hospital. They even came and did home visits.

 

Lucy

[Rico]

Thanks Lucy.

 

The auicidal thoughts that I have only seem to happen whil Zyprexa is affecting me during sleep and waking up. Once I am out of bed, I don't have any suicidal thoughts. I had the same experience last year when I was on 2.5. I wish there was a quick way out of this.

 

Thanks

Rico

[Rico]

Thought I would give an ad-hoc update. Today is definitely better than yesterday and previous days. I feel that the 10% reduction of the Zyprexa has made some difference. My brain is starting to tick over a little more than before. I have a long way to go, but I am grateful that I am feeling a little better today.

 

I still get overwhelmed sometimes when I think about all that's happened this year to get me where I am today. These mind disabling drugs should be removed from the market.

 

Psychiatrists are so ill-informed and ignorant. It makes me very angry!!! It absolutely boggles me!!

 

I find that a lot of my thoughts are trauma related from my psychiatrists, who I will not be seeing anymore.

 

When I was a brainwashed and "sick" 21 year old he told me "Zyprexa will protect you from stress and you will need it for the rest i your life until something better comes along".

 

As a result of being overmedicated for so long, I never developed any coping mechanisms for dealings with stress and anxiety or any emotion in general.

 

Now, I am going to have to learn them during the withdrawal process!

 

The injustice is overwhelming me right now :/

[whitelily]

Hi Rico, just a quick msg - wondered if you had tried a drop of lavender oil on your pillow or in a bath before you need to sleep to help relax you?  I don't want to recommend anything that would hinder - its just something that I've found helpful when I was struggling to sleep - even if I couldn't sleep.  

[Rico]

Thanks whitelily, I'll give that a go!

[Rico]

Can someone please help with this one?

 

After I take the Zyprexa 2.25mg at 8:00pm, within an hour I am heavily sedated and depressed. However, the sedation doesn't cause me to feel sleep like it used to in the past when I have taken this drug. What's happening now is that I feel sedated but at the same time my mind is not switching off. The best way I can describe it is sedation and insomnia at the same time. And on top of this pretty bad depression.

 

I am not coping at all with this symptom. I start thinking that maybe I need to taper more off this drug or even a CT. I have fantasies of going to a private hospital where someone will actually understand what's going on and help.

 

Unfortunately though, I have tried nearly all te antipsychotics in the past, been to many hospitals, and a pdoc that says he can't help me and to get a second opinion.

 

This is a really frustrating position for me to be in and it is affecting my relationship and my mother whom I live with.

 

Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated, because going through this torment every night and morning is unbearable.

 

Thanks

Rico

[Shep]

Hi, Rico.

 

The "sedation and insomnia at the same time" is extremely common during withdrawal. It's almost a state of akathisia because it's an inner restlessness mixed with exhaustion mixed with cortisol rushes. It's normal. And it's survivable. 

 

I fear you're picking up what may be a form of "learned helplessness". By not using the non-drug coping techniques that we've listed on your thread and getting into a pattern of turning to them in times of distress, you're having "rescue fantasies" as you just described. Under the theory of "learned helplessness", you're reinforcing the idea that you can't do this.

 

And if you do decide to take this mentality with you into a hospital, you are at risk for a dangerously fast taper off your drugs, along with the likelihood of being re-medicated. Being "rescued" by a doctor involves drugs. Unfortunately, that's our current paradigm of care by the medical establishment. 

 

There is no quick fix, no easy way out. I'm sorry that you and everyone on this forum is in this situation, but we all have to learn how to self soothe. 

 

Please read through your thread, as there are many ways of learning this. Once you get into the habit of having distress and turning to meditation, yoga, video games, talking a walk, journaling, ect. you start to build up confidence. And this will break the learned helplessness. Your non-drug coping skills will become habits and your habits will become a lifestyle. By the time you're off the drugs, you will have taught yourself how to live without needing drugs to self soothe. 

 

We learn by "doing". Please don't just read through the non-drug coping skills list, but "do" a couple today:

 

Non-drug Techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

In know this is hard when you're sleep deprived and in pain, but it will get easier once it becomes habit. 

[scallywag]

Rico, most times it's unproductive to dwell on symptoms rather than investing that time, thought, and energy in finding ways to cope with them. At this point, I hope you've got the understanding that your symptoms are the result of a destabilized CNS (central nervous system) and that your CNS is destabilized from multiple changes to medications over time, possible a too-short period of time.
 
 
Here's something brassmonkey posted about this in the last week:

 

...

I've found that it's not necessary and often counter productive to try and attribute every time I'm feeling bad to a specific cause. It takes a lot of time and energy I would rather put toward quality of life issues. I'm feeling bad in the first place and I have to do XXX to counter it. It doesn't matter if it's because of work, life stress,or such, it's all based on or amplified by WD and it all has to be handled. Knowing what triggers a reaction is very helpful.

 

However,constantly analyzing every feeling to get to the root cause is a WD symptom in itself, that is blocking us from getting to over all acceptance. Which is so important for moving forward. Also the variety of things we will experience is constantly changing minute by minute (as it also does in normal people, we just micro-focus on it) making daily attributions futile. Making the overall trends of WDnormal the best sign posts we have for recovery.
...

[Rico]

Thanks Shep and scallywag. I will try to do better today.

 

I have been using a 1ml syringe to administer the Zyprexa. I draw out the liquid after shaking it to the 0.9ml marker to obtain the 10% reduction.

 

I just read the following in the tapering section:

 

"These are plastic tubes with little nozzles on the end. The little nozzles contain at least .5mL. Measure your dosage by the tickings on the tube, do not add the amount in the nozzle. When you take the medication, push the plunger in to the end of the tube. Don't try to get the last little bit out of the nozzle. Don't rinse your syringe to get this last little bit, it will throw the amount of your dosage off -- you'll be taking more than you intended."

 

I have been pushing the plunger all the way to the end - am I doing it wrong? Am I only supposed to push it to the 0ml marker and then discard the rest? I have I been effectively taking more than I should??

 

The liquid solution I have is 2.5mg/ml.

[Rico]

I have just checked the syringe I am using and discovered that the plunger stops at 0ml. The syringe I am using is PreciseDose Dispenser (thin orange one). I also spoke to the compounding pharmacy and they advised that there is a tiny bit in the end (0.1 - 0.2ml) that could only come out if you re-draw after dispensing and squeeze again - which I don't do.

 

I have been doing it correctly. I just panicked this morning thinking maybe I have been tapering up!

[ChessieCat]

Hi Rico,

 

It was really great to read this post from you in LucyG's topic so I wanted to quote it here for you as a reminder:

 

 

Hi Lucy,

I have read your story and can really relate.

I am currently tapering off Zyprexa 2.5. I have been on/off Zyprexa since I was 21 (37 now). It is a very difficult drug to withdraw from. I have unfortunately learnt the hard way many times through either CT by myself or the doctor. I still have a "tapering" schedule by my doctor from 2014 that instructed me to taper from 10mg to zero within a week!! I was in hospital very sick afterwards.

I have been told by more than one psychiatrist that they have patients that can just come off Zyprexa with no issues and that any issues was the "condition" re-emerging. This is baloney.

It is possible to come off Zyprexa and feel better. i came off of slowly last year (faster than 10% method though) and did gradually feel better. I got into problems though when I tapered my other two medications too fast!

I am currently using a liquid form of Zyprexa to taper slowly. My first taper of 10% per week didn't work out and I had to reinstate. I am now learning more from this wonderful site and doing things slowly.

I can really relate to the morning anxiety / agitation. I lay in bed this morning paralysed by anxiety and suicidal thoughts.

I have lost a lot from my life due to the carelessness of misinformed doctors. Now, it's time to reclaim our lives back.

The way I look at it now, is that I haven't really learnt "life". I relied on drugs to cope with everything. I didn't know better, because my emotions were medicated since the age of 18 and I was always told by the doctor that these were symptoms of an illness.

I am now developing coping mechanisms that I never had before. Ironically, withdrawal is forcing me to learn coping mechanisms that I never learnt. So if they can be learnt and applied during difficult withdrawal symptoms (which are much stronger than ordinary "life" symptoms), imagine how strong we can be once we are medication free? Ordinary anxiety will be a walk in the park.

This is my hope anyway. I am trying to look more positively at the road ahead, rather than just see it as a journey to get off drugs. I am starting to see now, that it is a journey to outgrow our old ways of thinking and living.

I am still new to this too and learning more each day. There is a lot of great support here!

I wish you well

[Shep]

I agree with Chessie - that is a great post, Rico! I hope to see more like that. 

[Rico]

Thanks for the encouragement.

 

Today, I practiced some meditation using a YouTube clip for stress management. I found it helped a lot to calm me down. I didn't fall asleep like I would have liked to, but instead found my self and my brain vibrating with anxiety. It's like my brain is too scared to switch off.

 

I also would like to share that I am having trouble accepting the past, especially this year. The thing that causes me most distress are my physical side effects and how they will impact my life in the future.

 

I have at least identified today that things I need to work on the most are anxiety and acceptance. I have always been a constant worrier and fall apart when things don't go to plan. This in fact is how I had my first breakdown that led to drugs - I had no coping mechanisms to deal with the events at the time an just continued stressing until I got really sick.

 

Can anyone relate to this? And if so, what strategies have you used to cope, especially with anxiety?

 

Thanks

Rico

[ChessieCat]

Dr Claire Weekes is an "oldie" but a goodie.  She was an Australian doctor who suffered from anxiety and learned/taught ways to cope.

 

Claire Weekes' Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System

 

This is also useful:  Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)

[Shep]

Yep, I can relate to what you're saying, too, Rico. 

 

You may like this guided meditation for ruminating thoughts.

 

 

Guided Meditation for Detachment From Over-Thinking (Anxiety / OCD / Depression)