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ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1: Prozac journey: the good, the bad, and the ugly

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ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1   
ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1

Hello everyone,

 

I spend nearly every day on this forum so I figure why not make a post of my own. Well where to start??? 9 months ago I was a hard headed, intense, body building, drug abusing party animal. I had just graduated college, and immediately became an assistant manager. The job was perfect for me, being sales minded and very outgoing. Then one day, mid March everything in my life came spiraling out of control. I drank heavily at a party and experimented with some cocaine. I woke up the next morning feeling off, eeew withdrawals, I told myself I would make it through this week and it would get better. It didn't... I was having panic attacks at work, so I went to an urgent care clinic. He tossed me a prescription to Prozac and sent me on my way.

 

A huge sigh of relief came over me.... What I didn'the know is that cocaine withdrawl was nothing. I was about to be put through the most brutal hell I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I took the Prozac for about 3 months without a Pdoc, diagnosing myself online and hearing about "startup effects" I persevered through this lobotomy, surprisingly sober (despite my best efforts).

 

Until one day I went on vacation with my family and I Snapped, I drank a few beers and went completely manic...started throwing plates in this beach house my brother rented and hid from my brothers because I didn'the want them too see me. At this time i'd been seeing a doctor for a week and she said it was fine to cold turkey Prozac. So I did, and ever since I have been slowly crawling out of hell. Withdrawl and being on the drug feel no different to me, extreme depersonalization, which is mostly gone, sensitivity to everything, food, vitamins, etc. Short term memory loss, and the list goes on.

 

2 months in my doctor put me on Lamictal, but due to my extreme sensitivity I started to feel crazy again, so I got off. Felt good for a week then things spiraled out of control again. I finally convinced her to give me 5 MG tabs that I break in to quarters because that'she all my nervous system can handle. She thinks it's a placebo, but I was insistent that she give me the micro dose. It helps tremendously with my depersonalization. But this is a success story, so i'll get to the positive.

 

I learned that 1 year ago I was "happy" but my life was way off balanced. I was addicted to drugs and would anything to impress others, and I hated the person I saw in the mirrior. For once in my life I was thrown a curveball where I was forced to work on myself, and luckily through all of these terrible events I have achieved a level of balance in my life.

 

I still have a lot of residual side effects of treating my brain like a piñata for the last 5 years. I still occasionally drink, if I feel like I can handle it but I usually cap out at 2-3 beers. I have a psych doctor that will literally throw any potent benzo I want at me (which I refuse to even pick up my perscription). I am far from perfect, but i'm learning, and feeling myself recovering.

 

I have an amazing support system consisting of my girlfriend, my family and a friend that literally went through the exact same experience as me. For all of those who think you will be stuck like this forever, you will recover. If someone like me, with no self control can make it through this, you can too. I now get why heroin addicts never get off of it, because they just want to feel "normal" again. Your drug dealer just does it by the books.

 

We can only take life one day at a time, spread positivity and try to do a little good in every day. And don'the beat up on yourself for your mistakes. Thank you Altostrata and everyone on this forum. You have all helped me grow in to an individual I am liking more and more every day. I will be sure to give updates in future months.

Edited by scallywag
tags/ previous by CC: Removed name where employed/added spacing between paragraphs

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Fox   
Fox

So glad you are doing so well! Can you give details as far as when your symptoms improved?

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ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1   
ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1

After 2 months the food sensitivities decreased a lot. When I started the Lamictal, I started experiencing all of my symptoms again because the dosage was far too high. And it took another month to get back to where it was before. My short term memory is getting better, especially in the last 2 weeks. I find myself saying, "oh yeah, that's how I used to do that" a lot more now. I still feel like my cognitive function is somewhat impaired, but when I start to feel a panic attack coming on. I am able to snap myself out of it before I go back in to the hole. That has been a major step for me. Not worrying about slipping in to depersonalization :)

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ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1   
ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1

I am on month 9 after cold turkey quitting prozac. My panic attacks have lessened to a state of general anxiety, I no longer struggle with depersonalization but will still get waves of derealization from time to time. The improvements i've made in the last 2 months have been significant, so I should be greatful and patient about my current circumstances. But spending a year in a dream like state has made me grow very impatient. My current symptoms are very a rattling noise in my head when I attempt to talk to others, and a very impaired short term memory. Both of these make it very difficult to do my job, and relate to others. I really believe these will subside eventually, but I need some encouragement, i've always been a very outgoing person, so it kills me to know that most of my conversations have no substance, and i'll forget what I am talking about mid sentence. I am under a lot of pressure at work to succeed, and my boss is not understanding at all. Does anyone have any suggestions how to improve short term memory? Or a success story about how your memory has improved? Thank you for any input, I wish you all a speedy recovery. We can make it through this!

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anongrl5590   
anongrl5590

That's awesome! I totally agree with your username btw  ;) ). Do you ever get physical symptoms or are they mainly mental ones? Are you going through the windows and waves phases too? Are you still taking the Lamictal?

 

I have short term memory as well (even before Prozac) so I too would like to know how to improve on that! 

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ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1   
ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1

I decided to stop lamictal, without the supervision of a doctor that actually knew how to micro dose, I didn't feel safe doing it by myself. After I stoppedon't, after 4-5 days of withdrawl off the Lamictal I saw a lot of improvement in short term memory. I still have a lot of issues with short term memory, but not as severe as before. I have really made some major breakthroughs lately, I don't have constant panic attacks and generally I am living a normal life. (I still have issues with short term memory) I literally wrote that again so I decided to leave it lol, and I also constantly have to burp. Also minor but tolerable food sensitivities. I feel pretty confident that I will be 100% in the next year! So things are on the up and up!

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Altostrata   
Altostrata

Hello, PWCBS.

 

How long were you taking Lamictal? Did you take 1.25mg throughout that time? What was its effect?

 

You've probably seen our suggestions for fish oil and magnesium supplements

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

Try a little bit, one at a time, and see how it affects you. Many people find these helpful.

 

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ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1   
ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1

I was taking around 1 MG, my doctor was willing to give me 5 MG tabs and I would lick one every morning. She didn't let me take it to a compound pharmacy so I ended up quitting. 1 MG made my mind short term memory somewhat fogger. When I would bump up to anywhere between 2-5 mg, I would get very bad headaches. I feel I would have had better results with lamictal if I could get it compound ed, but I was basically firing from the hip. My vitamin sensitivity has significantly decreased, so I am able to take a multi vitamin/mineral supplement with glutathione support, adrenal support, and a digestion aid all prescribed by a doctor in functional medicine. I also take fish oil and a magnesium supplement as well.

 

https://www.google.com/search?q=biogest&safe=off&prmd=sinv&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjq5Lux1o3SAhUJi1QKHaJrC_sQ_AUICCgC&biw=360&bih=560#imgrc=3c1YxGPP4RMG1M:

 

http://bioclinicnaturals.com/product/biofoundationg-multiple-vitamin-mineral-formula

 

https://www.google.com/search?q=thorne+sereni+pro&safe=off&biw=360&bih=560&prmd=sniv&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjJgMq7143SAhVlzVQKHaUwAVIQ_AUICSgD#imgrc=oF01jLbS3hv8GM:

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O2bhappy   
O2bhappy

ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1 -

 

I just wanted to say that is the best screen name.  It is so true.  I am 17 months off Prozac and my w/d has been awful.  I had times that I thought I was going to die and I had times that I would wish I would die because I felt so bad.  I know that is awful to say but it was true. 

 

I am glad that you have been able to snap yourself out of a panic attack. What tricks have you used to help snap yourself out of the panic?  I was put on Prozac because of having panic attacks. 

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Altostrata   
Altostrata
I finally convinced her to give me 5 MG tabs that I break in to quarters because that'she all my nervous system can handle. She thinks it's a placebo, but I was insistent that she give me the micro dose. It helps tremendously with my depersonalization. But this is a success story, so i'll get to the positive.

 

 

^This sounded like you had some benefit from the lamotrigine?

 

What is your supplement regimen? 

 

Can you describe the rattling in your head in more detail?

 

Have patience, your memory will come back. A stress reduction course might be helpful.

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ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1   
ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1

Yeah I do think I benefited from what from the lamotrigine. It definitely inhibited the fight or flight response I would get to most stimuli, but it increased my forgetfulness at work. Especially at high doses (when I took larger bites of the 5mg tab). The inability to measure how much I was taking was a large portion of the reason I quit taking it. My vitamin sensitivity has significantly decreased, so I am able to take a multi vitamin/mineral supplement with glutathione support, adrenal support, and a digestion aid all prescribed by a doctor in functional medicine. In addition I take take fish oil, coq 10 and a magnesium supplement.

 

http://bioclinicnatu...mineral-formula

 

https://www.google.c...oF01jLbS3hv8GM:

 

The rattling in my head is almost a buzzing noise/ vibration that seems to come from the center of my head when rather than something you can actually hear through your ears. It has also lessened a lot in severity. According to most websites it is an anxiety symptom and has relation to your fight or flight response, so it makes sense why I'd be experiencing it.

 

I agree a stress reduction courses could definitely benefit me. Do you have any suggestions?

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Altostrata   
Altostrata

I don't think the buzzing is an anxiety symptom, I think it is either tinnitus or another withdrawal symptom, related to brain zaps. Good to hear it has reduced. Is it worse at any particular time of day?

 

What is your supplement schedule, when do you take each supplement, what is the dosage?

 

How much fish oil are you taking?

 

Re stress reduction: See if a medical center near you has courses, or Google to find videos on the Web.

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ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1   
ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1

I definitely think it'should a withdrawl related symptom. The article below says it's related to the brain being in a hyperstimulated state.

 

http://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-symptoms/humming-sound-in-your-head.shtml

 

Hyperstimulation can cause the electrical activity in the brain to increase. This increased electrical activity can cause neurons to act erratically, which can cause all sorts of abnormal and unusual nervous system behavior, such as causing this symptom – a humming, droning, rumbling, throbbing, vibrating-like, hissing, fizzing, or other types of sounds in your head. Since the brain receives and interprets auditory information, it can also interpret heightened and erratic neuronal activity as a ‘sound.’ This symptom is an example of that.

 

Fish oil 2000mg in the morning and 2000mg at night. I take 2 multivitamin tablets in the morning and at night. I take two adrenal support tablets, and 100mg coq10 every morning and 2 bio gest caps before meals.

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ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1   
ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1

Hey everybody! I just hit my 9 month Mark after a horrible experience, cold turkey quitting Prozac after a 3 month long adverse reaction. So about 1 year of madness. That being said, it is amazing the progress I have seen! I have to say most days I am mostly happy, I don't feel like I belong in a mental Institution like the early days. For all of you that feel like you are drowning, it does get better, so much better!

That being said, I still struggle with a buzzing in my head when I converse with people, which makes it very difficult to articulate myself when talking to other people. And I have some mild issues explaining myself in conversations like I used to be able to.

 

Ideas will come in to my mind crystal clear; unfortunately when I attempt to express my thought verbally the buzzing noise will overwhelm me when I talk, or I will have a cognitive delay when trying to add input to someone else's thought. This is very frustrating because I find myself sounding stupid or awkward when conversing with others.

 

Does anyone have experience with similar side effects? And if so, did you find something that helped at all? I have found eating breakfast, drinking a lot of water and exercising have been beneficial to me. Any help is appreciated.

 

I expect to write my 100% success story sometime in the next year! Stay strong, and keep fighting. And if you are too weak to fight now, just exist, because you will be able to fight this withdrawl soon. Coming from a guy that was begging his mom to take him to a psych ward 9 months ago. To someone who can actually say he is happy most days, you can do this.

Edited by ChessieCat
added spacing

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ChessieCat   
ChessieCat

From What is Happening in Your Brain

 

"Temporal Lobe  These lobes are on the side of your brain on each side near your ear. It makes up the whole left and ride side of your brain.  This is where auditory information is processed, including hearing itself, but also the "Meaning" of what we are hearing, as well as part of speech and language, emotion, and buncha other stuff.  In early recovery, someone was talking to me and I couldn't tell you what they said past the first sentence.  My auditory processing was ALL messed up.  I couldn't picture what a person was saying to me in real time - and by the time I caught up to them, I was lost and they were talking about something else!"

 

Other SA discussions:

 

brain-fog-blank-mind-comprehension-cognitive-and-memory-problems

 

tinnitus-what-does-all-that-noise-mean

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btdt   
btdt

I don't think the buzzing is an anxiety symptom, I think it is either tinnitus or another withdrawal symptom, related to brain zaps. Good to hear it has reduced. Is it worse at any particular time of day?

 

What is your supplement schedule, when do you take each supplement, what is the dosage?

 

How much fish oil are you taking?

 

Re stress reduction: See if a medical center near you has courses, or Google to find videos on the Web.

 

I agree with Alto on this one. 

 

Love the name and agree with you too. 

 

I am curious what sort of "glutathione support" your taking or getting?  

 

That seems like a lot of fish oil to me if you have any easy bruising talk to your doc or lower you dose as it can thin the blood. 

 

"

Does anyone have experience with similar side effects? And if so, did you find something that helped at all? I have found eating breakfast, drinking a lot of water and exercising have been beneficial to me. Any help is appreciated." 

 

Couple of ideas for you.  Heat on the spine with a cold pack on the neck... for head pain or any pain for some reason this seems to reset my system. I suspect my body senses it has some malfunction sensing two extreme temps and calls in a high part of the brain to sort it out... works is what I know.  Great for headaches. 

 

Heat on the spine 45% angle deep relaxation video... this is the one I used after I could tolerate people talking ...before then I listened to a cd of the ocean. 

 

Reaching a state of deep relaxation was the first thing that helped me and has remained one of the best things in my tool kit. 

 

 Epsom salt baths you will find a lot on here about them.  There is a skin spray too but I have not used it. 

 

Vitamin B1 I tend not to be able to think without it. 

 

I took a look at your multi vit... noticed glutathione is one ingredient is this the only source your taking?  Many things in the multi I learned I can't tolerate can't take a multi either. 

 

We are all a bit different... my best advice eat your vitamins in food if you can... second do not harm seek things that are safe... hot cold packs videos walks and baths... are all the very safe things. 

 

Does anyone have experience with similar side effects? And if so, did you find something that helped at all? I have found eating breakfast, drinking a lot of water and exercising have been beneficial to me. Any help is appreciated.

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ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1   
ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1

Thank you BTDT, Guided meditations have been a life saver for me. I also have started going back to the gym which has been a great for me too. I do take a lot of fish oil, but it seems to immediately relax me within 20 minutes of taking it. I drink a lot of water throughout the day too.

BTDT, I know you've had it harder than basically only one on this forum. How are your symptoms now? I know things were beyond terrible, so it'should good to hear you are able to still make it to the gym.

For Altostrata and BTDT, do most people you see recover from tinnitus? The buzzing in my head still makes it really difficult to communicate with others at work. Water, exercise, and fish oil seem to be the best help. But I want to know if this is generally a temporary or permanent condition, thank you.

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Petunia   
Petunia

Hi PWCBS1,

I can't speak for anyone else, but I still have my tinnitus. It started 2 weeks after my too fast taper off lexapro at the end of 2010. A medium pitch ringing right in the middle of my head and I can still hear it now as I'm typing this.

 

But, it has improved a lot, either that or I've got used to it. Most of the time I don't even notice it now, only when its quiet or I think about it.

 

I also get another tone sometimes, in my right ear, much higher pitch and way more annoying. That one comes and goes, mostly these days its gone. At one point, that one was driving me insane. I think I'm stuck with the other one though.

 

But I've heard that it does go away completely for some people, after a time.

 

It would be great if you would put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature. Doing this helps people understand your context, it appears below each of your posts. Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

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btdt   
btdt

The constant ringing stopped it comes and goes now.. for me it is a marker I have done something not good for me it could be eating a certain food...watermelon comes to mind or over doing stress. 

 

Now I have something called multiple chemical sensitivity and a movement disorder started last summer.  I am not sure what to make of it to tell you the truth.  I am told mcs is related to chronic fatigue fibromyalgia and if you read my post about chronic fatigue and prozac it says straight up I think the chronic fatigue fibro stuff started after taking prozac.  I drew the connection long ago after reading prozac cause mitochondria damage and chronic fatigue and fibro were caused by mito damage... in my case the short use of prozac was a severe adverse reaction I took it less then a month... in my mind I have not been the same since.  Now had I known what was going down... I may have said no to the next antidepressant to treat the fibro ect. I did not know anything back then and for me this story started in 89-90... so many years ago. 

 

It may well have been that given enough time in a supportive place I could have healed eventually without subjecting myself to further drugging but we will never know.  Back then I trusted doctors the internet did not exist and information on ssri drug was all favorable... Time magazine ran cover about putting proac in the drinking water as it was the best thing since sliced bread.  

 

I have had my genetic testing done at 23 and me and ran it thru the prothease program lately and learned I have a few drug metabolizing defects. I posted one of them in my thread but I have others.  I don't think so great these days and have memory problems but that has been rather consistent for me over the last 10 years since quitting effexor cold turkey.  I have had stints of clarity and I am hoping for more so I can sort out how to try to deal with the information I have gathered.  I can read science it just does not go into my brain. 

 

Give it time keep doing the things that help stay away from toxins and drugs as much as possible I think time may be the next biggy... I hope it is for your sake. 

It is a good sign that you can go to the gym and it sound like you are young both things should go in your favour. The gym is not in the cards for me I have trouble walking some days and feel lucky on days I can get around the block... which I have not done in months... I know I am ashamed to say but I can only do what my body allows now. 

 

I suggest you and everybody here get their genetics done and see what drugs will not be good for them since it can be done now for not a whole lot of money and could be a real God send the next time you need to take a pill. 

This is where the drugs can be checked once you know your genetics

http://www.mayomedicallaboratories.com/it-mmfiles/Pharmacogenomic_Associations_Tables.pdf

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ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1   
ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1

I have recognized that it is coming and going too. I agree treating my body well makes a major difference in the buzzing noise. I too had a very adverse reaction to Prozac and for some reason stayed on for 3 months. I think that is a large part of the reason I am healing so quick.

I believe if I didn't find this site and listened to my doctor, my situation would be very similar to yours by btdt. I am very sorry these drugs have had such a negative impact on your life. Survivingantidepressants has literally been a lifeline to me, and I can't thank each and all of you enough. I have finally gone sober at this point. I think toxins for example alcohol and benzos did help at times when my hypersensitivity decreased and was able to use them as a temporary crutch to feel 10-15 minutes of relief a day.

Now my nervous system can technically handle them, but hangovers come in the forms of waves and last about a week. I can say I am legitimately happy when I'm sober, which 6 months ago seemed unfathomable. I really sympathize with your situation BTDT, I've read some of your other posts and as far as all the stories I've heard, your story is probably the worst. Thank you for your help, I wish you a happy and fulfilling life.

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btdt   
btdt

Thanks for the well wishes.. it is a process still... still hoping I don't give up easily if I did I would be long gone.  All that said I was rereading one of my other threads and came to this... about vitamins... 

 

"At least 50% of pharmaceuticals interfere with the absorption and excretion of essential nutrients. Among the various classes of psychiatric medications, the most renowned “depleters” of vitamins are the anticonvulsants (such as Dilantin, Depakote, Tegretol). Particularly for patients maintained on combinations of prescription drugs, clinical providers should consider the possibility of cognitive, emotional, and/or behavioral changes which may reflect inadequate tissue levels of B vitamins, vitamin D3 (e.g., 1,25-dihydroxycholecalciferol), and Co-enzyme Q10 (ubiquinone). B1 = thiamine B6 = pyridoxine B9 = folate B12 = cyanocobalamin"

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6109-grace-e-jackson/page-2

 

Now I don't always put much faith in what I read but this person has impressed me and I have found some of these things helped me.. I did not read this before taking B1 for instance... and I do NOT recommend taking a B complex as some could really mess your system up.  Best to find your vitamins in food but if you reach a place where you can't think... B1 could help that is one thing I notice when I don't take it my brain fails me.  It is good to find things that back up what you already know... but be warned tho she reports D3 may be depleted and needed... I can't tolerate it at all ... so act accordingly... start low one thing at a time and watch carefully.  

 

I am thinking finding out early on having a support place where you get the right information could be the best possible case scenario... short of never taking these drugs.  

 

SA has been a lifeline to many... for a lot of years there have been other sites to over the years seems they come and go I hope SA stays but who knows... 

 

We have all been where you are and understand how it is no problem there.  A time will come when your not relying on this site as much as you once did and hopefully you will stick around some and help others who are just starting out. 

peace to you

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ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1   
ProzacWasCreatedBySatan1

Thank you once again BTDT, I will make sure to write a success story as soon as I'm feeling 100%. As for an update, I have cut out all alcohol, something I picked up again when my job stress was getting out of control working for my sales hungry boss. I don't know why I picked it up honestly, with my nervous system the way it was it wasn't even enjoyable. The buzzing in my head has decreased significantly, and most of my conversations have become much more fluid. I am going to stick to healthy eating now I can tell it has a positive noticeable effect. Life has been good, something I haven't been able to say in over a year :)

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