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Waiting12: Needing advice

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Waiting12

Thanks PB and flowers for the encouragement. I hope you both are seeing positive improvements.

 

I apologize in advance for being rather gloomy on this post but I am in need of a pep talk. I hit a fairly large setback about 10 days ago. I think it was caused by trying to do too much too soon. (4th of July, long boat rides, traveling etc)

 

I am 7 months out now. Could relief be just around the corner? Could this setback with old symptoms worsening be the last bad one or boost me into better healing? I am feeling so stuck! I have been seeing maybe 5-10% improvements each month with a worsening during my pms cycle, but this setback wasn't cycle related so it's out of the wd norm for me. 

 

Before this setback I would've thought I was about 50% better on a good day, now not so much. Insomnia is back along with intrusive thinking, restless feelings, & other bizzare mental & cognitive stuff. The constant chemical anxiety feeling is well.... constant. Blunted zombie emotions and man am I tired. 

 

I never had any of these symptoms before until 3 hours after trying to reinstate Zoloft last July. Altogether I have been sick from these meds for 17 months. 6 months of tolerable wd in early 2016 just dizziness and brain fog- but didn't know what the cause could be. Tried reinstating different meds for 5 months (this is when everything fell apart) and now 7 months of recovery. That seems like an eternity at my age when I'm watching my friends around me getting Into careers, getting married, starting families and I'm just a sitting duck. On a positive note I can say this isn't as bad as how I felt in January through march, but it's very discouraging to go backwards a bit. 

 

I get a lot of hope from a thread by a girl named lov4k9s since we have a common history. I think it took her about 14 months to feel good after her adverse reaction upon reinstating. I know I shouldn't compare stories but I'm trying to keep the hope alive. When is this darn nervous system going to settle down? I sincerely hope my next update is a good one. Maybe I'm closer than I think and just need a half time pep talk.... any coaches out there?

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powerback

never apologise for a start ,we are so tough to put up with this living hell ,I'm particularly bad myself today ,very paranoid and constant intrusive thoughts[mindfulness helps me get out of it but vicious cycle ] ,anxiety off the scale ,yesterday I put so much energy into a walking meditation video just to get some peace in my head .

don't get me started on the comparing myself to peer groups ,I wonder if I was on the moon would withdrawl be quicker .

 

I've started making my own kefir lately and I'm questioning that also if it affects me

ide recommend just giving into the tiredness when you can ,fighting everything is hard ,I personally have cut exercise down ,I just do nice walks for now .

we got to believe were are  healing all the time buts its so hard sometimes .

I often dream of being "normal" in the future and having the silly annoyances  like who left the toilet seat up or fridge door open .I promise they wont when I'm well again:D.

Take great care and wishing you peace

PB

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Dez

Hey, Waiting!

 

Setbacks happen when going through the healing process. I, too, am going through them, almost the exact same as your own. I woke up today feeling like I was going to have a panic attack for the first time in a long while. It was so scary! And this period cycle is the worst one yet! But we have to remember that this is the brain healing, this is what happens. You have made it through worse, you can make it through this. You're strong! Remember that! Try to get through your days and hang in there, it will get better for you. You've come a long way, just look at where you used to be in the beginning. Look how far you've come! Try to remember the good days when you have bad ones and remember that another day will come. Just get through this wave of hell right now and you'll see the sunshine again. Hang in there!

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Waiting12

 

 

On 7/17/2017 at 2:16 PM, powerback said:

never apologise for a start ,we are so tough to put up with this living hell ,I'm particularly bad myself today ,very paranoid and constant intrusive thoughts[mindfulness helps me get out of it but vicious cycle ] ,anxiety off the scale ,yesterday I put so much energy into a walking meditation video just to get some peace in my head .

don't get me started on the comparing myself to peer groups ,I wonder if I was on the moon would withdrawl be quicker .

 

I've started making my own kefir lately and I'm questioning that also if it affects me

ide recommend just giving into the tiredness when you can ,fighting everything is hard ,I personally have cut exercise down ,I just do nice walks for now .

we got to believe were are  healing all the time buts its so hard sometimes .

I often dream of being "normal" in the future and having the silly annoyances  like who left the toilet seat up or fridge door open .I promise they wont when I'm well again:D.

Take great care and wishing you peace

PB

Thanks PB, Yes comparing to peer groups is brutal going through this. I just try to remember I'm not alone in feeling this way and that thank god it is temporary. Normal annoyances sound so great! haha I can't wait to get back into the groove of things again!

 

On 7/17/2017 at 2:25 PM, Dez said:

Hey, Waiting!

 

Setbacks happen when going through the healing process. I, too, am going through them, almost the exact same as your own. I woke up today feeling like I was going to have a panic attack for the first time in a long while. It was so scary! And this period cycle is the worst one yet! But we have to remember that this is the brain healing, this is what happens. You have made it through worse, you can make it through this. You're strong! Remember that! Try to get through your days and hang in there, it will get better for you. You've come a long way, just look at where you used to be in the beginning. Look how far you've come! Try to remember the good days when you have bad ones and remember that another day will come. Just get through this wave of hell right now and you'll see the sunshine again. Hang in there!

Thanks Dez. You have always been so uplifting to me. I hope you are doing well now. We both just have to keep going and we'll make it eventually! Keep in touch.

 

 

 

 

 

After looking back and doing some research I am thinking my first diagnosis of panic disorder may not have been entirely correct. I would like others thoughts on this as well. In my rebellious teenage years I used marijuana pretty heavily. I was a 4.0 honor student who was really bored with high school in a small town. I didn't have any mental health issues. I was a normal, social, smart, fun loving, artsy, adventurous and athletic girl. When I finally got to college I decided I was over that whole marijuana phase and was ready and excited for my future. Within 2 or 3 days of quitting cold turkey I had horrible horrible anxiety. I didn't know what it was. Panic attacks, a lot of anxiety about everything, sensitivity to sounds, and I even remember this weird time perception thing. I quit college with all A's, moved home and didn't know what was happening. This is when Zoloft was prescribed to me in early 2011 for what my GP called panic disorder. I never questioned it because he said it usually develops around the age I was at at the time (18). Even on the Zoloft I would feel anxious and have random panic attacks for no reason but they were usually only a few seconds long.

 

Anyways, now I found a couple websites of others going through post acute withdrawal from marijuana. Some people taking many months to years to heal with symptoms similar to AD withdrawal. Could it be the case that I never even had a 'real' anxiety issue, but was going through withdrawals at that time? Every time I have felt anxiety in my life I have been on a drug or directly after taking a drug. I am wondering if I should be hopeful that I may not even have anxiety issues after this withdrawal period if my brain can balance out again. Maybe it is wishful thinking and my brain is wired to be anxious now but what a weird discovery! Maybe that is why this withdrawal and the adverse reactions were so severe for me because I was already in one before? Anyone's thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. I feel disgusted now at what I've done to my brain. I haven't even given it a chance to try to work normally. I would also like to note that I've never had addiction issues (except for nicotine) but I am assuming my body became dependent.

 

Also, I realized Its been like 5 months since Ive posted my symptom list. I have a few things to cross off since then (Hooray!) I want to do an update for myself to look back on but also to possibly help someone else who might sadly find themselves in a situation like mine down the road. It has been a little over 7 and a half months for me since I've taken anything. I seem to be taking the continuous misery route along with worsenings/waves. I have better days and bad days, but I haven't been having any bright wide open windows for a really long time. I usually feel a tiny bit better late at night. I have seen improvements in nearly every symptom. Instead of severe or extreme, probably almost all are in the moderate to high range now. Hopefully the next step down is mild. :)

 

My Symptoms since my adverse reactions/wd:

 

Anxiety Related:

*Constant Chemical Anxiety-Worst symptom. Even the smallest amount of stress makes this feeling worse.
*Intrusive Thoughts- Scariest symptom. Still slowly improving.
*Panic Attacks- Not often, but the last couple I had threw me into a pretty bad setback.
*Fear/Feelings of Doom
*Ruminating/Obsessive Thoughts
*Akathisia/ Restlessness- Randomly on and off.
*DP/DR
*Poor Concentration-This has improved quite a bit
*Poor Memory- This peaked & was severe a while ago and now I feel like it may finally be slowly improving.
*Sensitivity to Stimulus/Stress- Still pretty bad.
*Feelings of Confusion
*Agoraphobia- mild to moderate
*Anticipatory anxiety
*Social Anxiety
*Fear of Going Crazy-directly related to having intrusive thoughts. When those fully go, this will go.
*Mind Chatter/Racing Thoughts-not very often
*Difficulty Making Decisions
*Inability to relax

 

 Depression Related:

*Anhedonia- Can't experience any positive emotions, but I do have the negative ones.
*Random Crying Spells
*No Interest in Anything
*No Motivation
*Fatigue/Weakness/Zero Energy
*Negative Thoughts/Feeling gloomy a lot
*Loss of Confidence/ Feeling Insecure


 

Physical/ Other:

*Insomnia- Still cant nap. Still takes me hours and hours to fall asleep, but once I do I can sleep a normal amount of time.
*No Appetite
*GI Problems/Intestinal pain/bloating-
*Muscle Tremors/Twitches
*Dizziness/Balance Issues/Seasick/Motion sick feelings/Nausea/Vertigo-like stuff
*Head pressure

*Tension headaches & neck aches
*Migraines
*Vision Issues- Sparkles, black spots, floaters, wavy patches, after images, visual snow, dimmed vision, A feeling of being unable to focus eyes on one spot due to dizziness...maybe like a very very mild nystagmus. I'm not sure how to explain it. It is only noticeable to me.
*Tachycardia
*Breathlessness
*No Libido
*Tinnitus
*Sweating-
*Problems Regulating Body Temperature-
*Flu-like Feelings
*Poor Circulation in Toes (Raynaud-like)-
*Itchy/crawly feeling Skin
*Small welts- usually only after bathing
*Burning Skin-
*Feelings of Anger for no reason-
*Acne on Face, Neck and Back
*Brain dreaming while awake when falling asleep-
*Inner vibrations-
*Muscle Tension
*Sun Sensitivity-
*Intrusive Memories
*Excess saliva
*No ear wax

*Intensified pms

 

It feels so good to cross at least some symptoms off! I hope this keeps getting better. I have such a yearning to get back to my normal life. I pretty much have my future on hold until a lot of this clears up. I can deal with a lot of the physical things, but the mental symptoms are keeping me down and out. I hope everyone is seeing improvements. Better days ahead.

 

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Waiting12

I've been having a weird symptom this week. I had a migraine on Monday and since then Ive been feeling horribly horribly nauseated, like I'm coming down with the flu or something all the time except for when I eat & maybe and hour or two afterwards. I still have no appetite but feel like my body needs something like every other hour or I feel terribly nauseous and sick. I've been trying to eat small snacks when the feeling comes on. Earlier, a snack I ate only helped the nausea for like 20 minutes. I had a larger dinner tonight & that helped the nausea become mild for a couple hours, then bam, I feel totally pukey again but still full from dinner. (I don't actually vomit)

 

Is this a blood sugar issue? A cortisol issue? Is this normal for wd? Anyone relate or anything I can do to help?

 

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powerback
On ‎10‎/‎08‎/‎2017 at 4:19 AM, Waiting12 said:

I've been having a weird symptom this week. I had a migraine on Monday and since then Ive been feeling horribly horribly nauseated, like I'm coming down with the flu or something all the time except for when I eat & maybe and hour or two afterwards. I still have no appetite but feel like my body needs something like every other hour or I feel terribly nauseous and sick. I've been trying to eat small snacks when the feeling comes on. Earlier, a snack I ate only helped the nausea for like 20 minutes. I had a larger dinner tonight & that helped the nausea become mild for a couple hours, then bam, I feel totally pukey again but still full from dinner. (I don't actually vomit)

 

Is this a blood sugar issue? A cortisol issue? Is this normal for wd? Anyone relate or anything I can do to help?

 

flu feeling is definitely a withdrawl symptom for me ,I had these feelings for months 2 years ago after doctor said no problem halving my 75mg dose :angry:,and now for the last weak I have very strong flu feelings and mucus is back also , on bead 3 out of micro taper ,so its definitely not a coincidence .I'm wrecked tired with this ,I just about managed a small walk yesterday .

I'm the opposite  with appetite ,I have strong cravings for takeaway food ,I was always like this when I had a cold .

take care

PB

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Waiting12

Thank you both for the responses. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this too. This stuff hits us hard not only mentally, but a lot of very physical sickly feelings too. I haven't had an appetite for a year now. I miss enjoying food :( 

 

The only way I can describe this new issue is like a hypoglycemic feeling. Even if I just ate I'll just get this feeling of I need sugar or something now. Just yesterday at someone's house I asked after dinner 'Do you have any sweets?' They said wow that's really weird coming from you! I'm not a sweets eater really. Anyways, I got an ice cream cone and that helped for a few hours. How bizzare.

 

Withdrawal can't make one diabetic can it? I've never had issues like this before & am hoping it goes away like everything else. 

 

Edit: I see that others have felt this as a wd symptom as well, which makes me assume it's another gift of SSRIs. The gift that keeps on giving...

 

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PoetJester

Hi Waiting

 

I have become totally hypoglycemic in wd.  I was a normal guy with a big appetite before the pills.  on the pills, I would often do late night sleep gorging, probably related to the zyprexa.   once I got off though, I developed hypoglycemia.  it's worse on my really poor or no sleep days.   it's like I have a hole or gnawing in my stomach and constantly need to eat to alleviate the gnawing.  on the no sleep days, I would be eating huge 3 course meals every two hours.  all my days would consist of would be eating and pooping, eating and pooping without the ability to sleep.  it's ridiculous.   I read online somewhere that insomnia can trigger hypoglycemia.  also, when I try to sleep now, I have to totally gorge on food, just to give myself a chance at sleep.  I used to be able to sleep without much food in the stomach, but now I basically am eating everything in the cupboard or fridge to try and induce drowsiness.  usually high protein stuff.  cottage cheese, meat, pudding.

 

poetjester

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Waiting12

Wow PJ! I hope the hypoglycemia is getting better for you. It seems that other people have this issue too during wd & it clears up at some point. At least you are getting the calories you need to fuel yourself and your healing. I have issues eating enough with the no appetite ever thing. 

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Waiting12

Well folks, I've made it through 9 whole months of this nasty recovery from adverse reactions, withdrawal, PAWS or whatever you want to call it. 

 

I hope month 10 is nicer to me. 

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Waiting12

Every month I seem to take a nose dive due to my hormones. I was never one to have noticeable pms issues before (even though these aren’t really normal pms symptoms, just worsening of my wd symptoms). Is anyone out there that has gotten past these monthly worsenings? How long did it take for you? How do you move on and try to get back into working If you’ll be hardly functional for a week or two out of the month?

 

I know everyone’s recovery is different & those that are healed aren’t usually hanging around. I have read that the drop in hormones before and during a cycle can actually lower serotonin temporarily. Is this why us ladies who have our serotonin systems damaged seem to have more trouble during this time? Or are we so hypersensitive that we have sensitivities to our own hormone fluctuations?

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Blondiee1915

Hi Waiting12 - 

 

I also struggle with my monthly lady issues .  I get noticeably irritable and moody.  Instead of my usual 5 days I get 3 of very heavy bleeding sorry tmi, that I am scarred I am going to die she to so much blood loss, but other months I have 5 days or regular .  So it is still pretty unstable for me .  

 

I did go to naturopath during winter and she asked me way too many questions regarding my period and adviced to eat very healthy - mostly meat fruits and veggies and no carbs a week before the period and insisted that it should help .  I do try to implement it but sometimes it is hard .  I also make sure to take iron around those days too .  And try to rest as much as I can .  I am sorry I don't have a solution for you.  I just wanted to share a similar struggle .  I do hope in time everything regulates itself 

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Dez

Hello, Waiting.

 

I'm the same way with the PMS making things so much worse. About four or five months ago I got off of BC pills while going through WD. I didn't have a cycle in October and everything is so bad right now. My body and mind are all kinds of screwed up.

 

I've been forcing myself to do some gentle yoga and it does help with mood. Not any classes or anything, just following instructions on YouTube. Other than that, doing things like cleaning the house or listening and singing to music helps get me through as well. I've found I really like chillstep for relaxing music and the deeper beats make me feel good. And if you feel like crying, cry it all out. 

 

Hang in there. We'll get through this somehow.

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Waiting12

Hey Blondie, Thanks for the reply. At least us ladies are in this together. I have been tracking my cycle with an app and mine is now irregular too since this all started. Did the naturopath say why cutting out carbs might help? I also think in time it will all re-regulate and even out. I would love to hear from someone who it has as a guiding light!

 

Hi Dez, Good to hear from you! I'm sorry you go through the monthly worsening too! Did going off bc do anything? I was actually having the crazy thought of going on one awhile ago, if it would help this hormone stuff. Then, I thought that would probably only confuse my body even more and I better leave it up to nature to get everything back to normal. You hang in there too, friend. We've gotten this far.

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TryingToHoldOn

My periods stopped all together for 3 months when I first went into WD.  Then I had a really light cycle followed by a heavy one.  Now it varies.  The length of my cycle has changed, too.  It used to be ~34 days now it’s ~28 days.  I also start ovulating about 7 days after my cycle ends.  Trying to figure out if all of this is WD induced or if it’s premenopausal.

 

 

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Dez

Waiting,

 

Going off my BC certainly did things! My hormones went nuts. I also had, and still have, an acne breakout all over my back, up my neck, over my shoulders, very little on my chest, and on my face. I didn't have it this bad when in high school! I never cared about look much but I do take care of my skin to the best of my abilities, so when nothing works it's just so much...gr!! I ended up getting off specifically because I was so paranoid about blood clots. My grandmother and grandfather died from blood clots in the brain, and my mother has had them too. My family is full of them. Mom got me tested for Factor 5 a long time ago and said I was negative, but the paranoia during WD is very strong. It's so tempting to go back on, but I have the same fears you do. It's sad but relieving to see other women having this issue, as it's best to not be alone in this. But I've worried about having PCOS. Is it even possible to get tested for it during WD and it be accurate? I mean, would it be from WD or actual PCOS? We all have to keep pushing forward. Keep it strong, girls!

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Blondiee1915

Ladies do you struggle with fatigue at all ? I get it constantly but around my period it is even worse .  

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Dez
10 minutes ago, Blondiee1915 said:

Ladies do you struggle with fatigue at all ? I get it constantly but around my period it is even worse .  

Yes! Constantly! Sometimes I feel so fatigued that my body doesn't even want to do anything. I just want to curl up on the floor and sleep but I keep pushing my body anyway. Do you have any body pains worsen around your cycle, other than the ones you normally have?

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Blondiee1915

I guess I am not the only one .  I completely understand about curling into the ball.  I feel exactly the same like my body is drained of all the energy and I just feel heavy and just want to lay on the coach and rest even though I get 7-8 hours of sleep each night .  This is so bizzare.  I also push myself to get out and get myself together and go to work but it is definetly a struggle .  I do feel achy at times almost like a flu.  As far as more achy around my period I don't think so but def more tired and emotional 

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Dez

Since WD my body has been extremely susceptible to pain. Everything hurts. So when I exercise my body afterwards just hurts so bad. I've never had this before so it's got me really worried.

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Hellbutrin
43 minutes ago, Blondiee1915 said:

Ladies do you struggle with fatigue at all ? I get it constantly but around my period it is even worse .  

I've been getting pretty serious fatigue and depressive symptoms following my period, but not so much leading up to my period for some reason

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Blondiee1915

How do you deal with the fatigue ?  I work full time it is such a struggle .  I try to have a consistent schedule and get 8 hours of sleep and eat semi healthy.  Waiting12 - sorry I am taking over your thread .  

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Dez
3 hours ago, Blondiee1915 said:

How do you deal with the fatigue ?  I work full time it is such a struggle .  I try to have a consistent schedule and get 8 hours of sleep and eat semi healthy.  Waiting12 - sorry I am taking over your thread .  

I literally just push through my days. Recently I've taken doing a 30 day yoga challenge from YouTube. I had a job but had to quit due to manager issues (nothing to do with WD). I also play video games with my sister, which helps my mind focus and think on things. From Mario to survival games. We also talk a LOT about creative things to do with all the art supplies we have. Just burn time, eat healthy, keep your mind busy, do what you can. Just don't give up.

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Waiting12

Wow, Thanks everyone for your responses! We are all definitely not alone with this issue.

 

Trying- My cycles have been all over the place length wise too. I'll get a 35 day followed by 28.

Dez- I have a lot of those fears too. I've never had cramping like this before. It doesn't last long but it is very painful like an intense charlie-horse/stabbing pains. It makes me really paranoid about things like that too. I mean I'm young and haven't even had kids yet. Will my body be healthy and able one day? Do I have a higher chance for postpartum mental issues now that I've suffered severe adverse reactions and withdrawal?

Blondie- My energy levels have also been very affected. I am either uncomfortably restless or have massive fatigue where everything is a struggle. I go back and forth between the two. I am proud of you for working full-time through this! You must be a super hero!

 

During my 10 months of recovery I've noticed I get about 5% better each month. However, when my time of the month comes it seems to erase the last 25% or so of progress, so it feels like I'm going backwards like 5 months. Then, after the cycle ends I'll usually go back to my baseline plus the next months 5%. So for me it seems to be very small inching forward, with huge setbacks of 7-14 days every month.

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bheb

Hi Waiting, sorry to hear about all your reactions, but I'm here too with an adverse reaction. Not so many symptoms as you, mostly restlessness/akathisia and that chemical anxiety you describe. 

 

I've also noticed some changes in my cycle length. I wonder if it is due to the medications themselves or from the stress of going through this? Who knows.

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Waiting12

Thanks for stopping by bheb. I’m so sorry you’ve had an adverse reaction as well. Nobody should have to feel like this, especially day in and day out for only God knows how long. 

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bheb

Absolutely not. It's cruel.

 

How're you feeling today?

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Waiting12

Hey bheb, Not feeling well. I really thought 11 months off would look a lot better than this. I feel at the rate I’m healing this will take a lifetime. How are you?

 

 

 

Is it true that some people have a final bad worsening of symptoms right before they recover or is that just a benzo recovery thing? I’ve had a worsening of cognitive functioning and cog fog this last week. Also older symptoms like skin burning, itchy welts, sweating etc are back. Not to mention all the numerous other core symptoms that haven’t left are still around.

 

Is this still normal for at 11 months post adverse reaction/wd to feel this sick? I’m really just dragging through the days hoping for better health.

 

I can’t deny that I am healing in some ways, but I still feel light years away from normal. Can things clear up at a fast pace at some point? I’d like to think that I may not be extremely far off having some sort of a life back.

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bheb
On 11/16/2017 at 8:02 PM, Waiting12 said:

Hey bheb, Not feeling well. I really thought 11 months off would look a lot better than this. I feel at the rate I’m healing this will take a lifetime. How are you?

 

Ah, just remembered this. Me too, I'm hitting a year since my reaction and around 11 months off myself. It really gets to you. I'm still very agitated at all times with periods of intense akathisia in which I have to thrash around, etc. 

 

On 11/16/2017 at 8:02 PM, Waiting12 said:

Is it true that some people have a final bad worsening of symptoms right before they recover or is that just a benzo recovery thing?

 

I'm not sure this is the "standard" case (because there is no) but I know it's possible. I've seen some stories where a person's symptoms take a huge hit before they turn a corner.

 

On 11/16/2017 at 8:02 PM, Waiting12 said:

Is this still normal for at 11 months post adverse reaction/wd to feel this sick?

 

There aren't many people on here with adverse reactions, so it's hard to say. My story confuses me a lot, and I can't figure out what exactly happened so that I can help my recovery along. It's good you're noticing some improvements though even if they happen at a glacial pace. Hope these past weeks have been better for you.

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Waiting12

Hello again. I'm back to do my 1 year update, which is in about a week. But with the holidays approaching I am updating a bit early. Ground hogs day continues and I am still sick. I haven't taken any drugs or drank alcohol since I found this site 12 months ago. Here is a brief timeline:

2008: normal, smart, athletic girl. No mental or physical health issues whatsoever.

2009-2010: smoked pot regularly, but still normal without health issues. So stupid. I wish I could go back and never touch the stuff.
2011: quit pot, overnight had overwhelming anxiety, panic and other odd symptoms like time misperception. GP dx depression with panic attacks and started zoloft 50 mg. I now think this was post acute withdrawal from the marijuana and wish I would've just been told to ride it out.

2011-2014: Zoloft 50 mg. Slowly became emotionally cut off, no creativity with no libido. Everything was just 'ok'. Minimal anxiety issues. Fully functioning.

2014: Halved my dose to 25mg for many months. Brain zaps. GP instructed to take the 25mg every other day for two weeks. I did just that and quit in February (essentially CT). More brain zaps. Minimal anxiety issues and fully functioning.

2015: Still emotionally cut off, forced laughter, no libido, losing interest in things i liked, creativity still gone. Minimal anxiety issues but flying became an issue, (I used to love flying & traveling). Yet, fully functioning.

2016: New physical symptoms came on suddenly such as dizziness, vision issues, head aches, head pressure, some nausea and fatigue. Tests came back normal. Months later I tried 1 dose of zoloft 25mg in July (17 months after my CT).  I was still fully functioning up to this point. 3 hours after the first dose I had new symptoms that I had never had before and never even knew existed such as akathisia, intrusive thoughts (some SI), inner vibrations, insomnia and an overwhelming feeling of terror. Long story short I was then prescribed paxil, celexa, buspar, lamictal and ativan over the next 6 months to try to treat the initial adverse reaction symptoms which made everything 1000x times worse with each medicine trial. I also had a serotonin syndrome like reaction to the celexa when buspar was added in last November. All the medication trials/adverse reactions were cts. I still didn't know at the time what was causing my original symptoms not to mention all the new horrible ones. THEN I finally found this website and it all made sense. Since then I haven't taken any medicine or drank alcohol.

 

2017: Most difficult year of my life. Countless symptoms. Healing from prescription drug damage. Unable to work/study.

 

This is where I am now. 1 year drug free. I don't know how to describe this experience in words so I'll just list my symptoms. What I can describe is that I still don't feel like myself at all. It is hard to see progress with the back and forth nature of healing. Things come and go and vary in intensities a lot. I still don't get windows where I feel 100%. Just bad days and worse days. I usually feel a some relief in the evenings and worse during the day. This has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I am certain that after this nothing in my life will ever be this difficult to endure. I am still slowly getting better. It is just so slow that it really gets me down and I feel like I'll be sick forever. It also gets me down that there isn't any support out there for this other than online forums. It is the most frustrating and unjust thing I've ever seen. Doctors, friends and family don't buy it. There's no financial support when you're too sick to work from a drug that is legally prescribed. But, I could sprain my wrist at work and get workers' comp pay for years and a cash settlement. What a joke. It's so sad that this will keep happening to people because of the lack of awareness.

 

My main core symptoms:

*Constant Chemical Anxiety- Varying intensities, not constant anymore, but still get hit with intense moments/hours
*Intrusive Thoughts- Mostly gone, but still get hit with intense moments/hours

*Akathisia/ Restlessness- Randomly comes and goes.

*Fatigue/Weakness/Zero Energy
*Energy levels very affected- Either severe fatigue or restless.

*Anhedonia- Still unable to experience any positive emotions, but I have all the negative ones. I now get small flashes of positive emotions and a familiar "oh that's how I used to feel" follows. No personality, no sense of humor, can't feel happiness, joy, excitement, content, comfort or love. This gives me a lot of worry, doubts and obsessive thoughts about whether or not I want to marry my fiance.

*Dizziness/Balance Issues/Seasick/Motion sick feelings/Vertigo-like stuff

*Nausea
*Head pressure

*Vision Issues- Sparkles, black spots, floaters, wavy patches, after images, visual snow, dimmed vision, nystagmus, flashing lights when falling asleep

*Cognitive issues- Feeling brain damaged, memory problems, poor concentration, brain fog, feeling dazed and confused, no mental clarity or feeling centered, can't think straight, scatterbrained, not feeling like myself at all.

*Mind Chatter & Racing Thoughts- Comes and goes. I very much enjoy the quiet brain time I get now.

*Insomnia- It still takes me 2-6 hours to fall asleep, but once I do I can sleep a normal amount of time. I've been able to take 2 naps since my last update.
*No Appetite- Usually only feel like eating in the evening

*Pms worsening withdrawal symptoms

 

 

 

Other symptoms:

*Tachycardia-mostly gone

*Panic Attacks- replaced by high chemical anxiety.

*Inner vibrations-Usually upon waking up, becoming rare
*Exaggerated Startle reflex/Adrenaline rushes to noises
*Muscle Tension & clenching
*Fear- Much less intense and not constant.
*Feelings of Doom- during high chemical anxiety.
*Morning Dread- about 50% of the time
*Ruminating/Obsessive Thoughts- still slowly lessening
*DP/DR- Much milder
*Sensitive to chemicals
*Phobias- I still have phobias that I hadn't had before.
*Anticipatory anxiety
*Difficulty Making Decisions
*Inability to relax- slowly becoming more comfortable

*Random Crying Spells- Mostly gone. I will cry out of frustration from this situation though.
*No Interest in Anything
*No Motivation
*Loss of Confidence/ Feeling Insecure

*Brain zaps- mostly gone

*Sensitivity to stimulation, light, noise and stress- slowly improving. I am finally able to watch TV in the evening again.

*GI Problems/Stabbing Intestinal pain/bloating/gnawing stomach pains
*Muscle Tremors/Twitches

*Tension headaches/neck aches/ Migraines-Much less often

*Feet, hands, knees, hips feeling numb

*Restless legs at night in bed
*No Libido
*Tinnitus
*Sweating-mostly from feet. Was gone for a long time and has returned
*Flu-like Feelings
*Itchy/crawly feeling Skin-almost gone
*Small itchy welts after bathing-almost gone
*Burning Skin- usually only on forearms now

*No ear wax

*Intrusive Memories

*Acne on Face, Neck and Back- Much better

 

Gone:

*Breathlessness/Air hunger

*Problems Regulating Body Temperature
*Anger
*Brain dreaming while awake when falling asleep-
*Sun Sensitivity-
*Excess saliva

*Phantom Smells
*Morning Panic Wakeups

*Tongue would mouth along with thoughts involuntarily

*Poor Circulation in Toes- Turn white like Raynauds

*Overly aware of conscious thoughts- I dont know how to explain this at all. It was totally freaky but my thoughts seemed really 'noticeable', up front and 'loud'?

*Fear of everything/inanimate objects I saw

*Eyes rolling around involuntary when falling asleep

*Teeth felt loose

*Teeth nerve pain

*Inner pendulum swaying feeling

*Sciatica pain

*Frequent urination

* Pins and Needles especially on scalp

*Electric shocks throughout body mostly in neck

*Face muscles tight, corner of nose, eye, felt like I was making a weird face but wasn't

 

I hope and pray that 2018 is my year. I am still in shock that this happened to me and that this is my life. I want nothing more than to regain my health. I hope my next update is a good one and that I am almost done with this mess.

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bheb

My timeline is somewhat similar to yours. I figured out what was wrong with me at the very end of 2016, and 2017 has been the biggest challenge to date. I hope next year is a turning point for us both. I'm glad you're able to cross off all those symptoms, and hopefully your most distressing ones will be crossed out next time. 

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RachelSusan

Hi Waiting12,

I have had many of the same symptoms you have listed.  I too hope that 2018 is a better year for you. 

Rachel

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Waiting12

Anyone know if there are any types of antibiotics for pink eye that should be avoided? 

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bheb

Hi waiting. It's the fluoroquinolone group with examples listed here:

 

 

https://www.webmd.com/brain/news/20130826/fda-strengthens-fluoroquinolone-warning

 

People have had reactions to all kinds of antibiotics, so unfortunately we just have to see which one suits us. I was personally okay on amoxicillin, though others weren't. But the fluoroquinolone group should definitely be avoided for everyone if possible.

 

 

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Waiting12

Thanks bheb. I’m trying to decide whether or not I should go to the clinic. It seems milder today than last night. I wonder if it’ll go away on its own.

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