powerback: tapering no 2

January 19, 2018

Sounds lovely where you are...oh I hear you about the fear

f-false

e-evidence

a-appering

r-real

horrible it is.But it’s just a chemical

**** storm going on!One day PB we will be free..

yea my aim is to get in those woods again!

lol am not sure am going to be able to resist the temptation PB when it comes to chocolate...

but we shall see.

take it easy

xxx

January 19, 2018

Hi Powerback,

I read through page 11 of this thread this morning. Thanks for the videos, I enjoyed both but really liked the Enya one, the amazing scenery made me feel better. I even felt inspired to go take a walk this morning since I have the day off work. I've been feeling strangely depressed since December. It's funny, two milligrams ago I felt great. The walk I just took made me feel better. I have a loop I walk that's about 1.5 miles long. Takes me around the cemetery where a herd of deer come and graze every day among the headstones. Listening to the birds, and watching the occasional squirrel and the deer is good therapy. Anyways, thanks for sharing your journey.

January 19, 2018

Thanks for reading Kitson ,nice to meet you .your welcome for the videos ,there great aren't they .that's nice you were inspired to go on your walk and you felt better ,I always feel good after mine ,sometimes I don't want them to end .

Try not judge why your depression is in on ye ,your obviously doing loads with keeping a job going .your system is still adjusting ide say so stay on your path .

I see you've asthma ,I do also ,but very well managed ,fresh air is great for our lungs .have you ever checked out the salt inhalers .

the deer eating amongst the headstones sums up the circle of life .

Thanks for stopping by .

Take care .

January 19, 2018

Thanks PB, I've never heard of salt therapy, on Amazon now looking to buy one!

January 19, 2018

38 minutes ago, Kitson said:

Thanks PB, I've never heard of salt therapy, on Amazon now looking to buy one!

ile have to back track a liitle K ,I don't actually use one myself so I'm not recommending it per say ,ive read about them and seen some research on salt caves for lung conditions .thread carefully to begin with ,its perfectly safe but you know yourself in this withdrawal process .

take care .

January 20, 2018

Just saying hi PB as I noticed you like to hike in the hills.

I think when we're going through the bad times we need something to look forward to doing when we're better, and mine is going hiking and wild camping in the hills and mountains. I used to do it a lot, in Wales and once in Norway. I can't imagine anything better for my brain, body and soul.

So just saying hi to a fellow hiker.

January 20, 2018

I also like hiking!

January 20, 2018

Antidepressants Hiking Club!

January 21, 2018

Its been months since I'm at the nasty level of wave I'm at this weekend .

these neuro emotions are beyond belief .by far my worst one is the nuero critic ,the thing is I was told I had a strong inner critic way before withdrawl ,this is simply unbearable,i simply cant expect people to live around me like this .

Its been 8 months since my blurred/peripheral vision went and bang it hit me this morning for an hour ,it must be connected to the monster headaches I have for days .

This will simply rip me apart ,how have I got the right to ask anyone else in my life to put there life on hold while this drags on .

I simply cant put everything down to withdrawl .decisions will have to be made and be lived with .

I'm wary of going any further ,I don't want to trigger any one ,I want to record this mainly so thanks for any reply's in advance.

I'm routing for all yous out there fighting this demon .

Total respect .

January 21, 2018

What decisions have to be made, P. ?

We're there for you , whatever you decide.

January 21, 2018

Do not feel pressure from anyone - be selfish and do what is best for you. I gather your personal relationships are strained because of your withdrawals? Are you thinking of leaving some family members or reinstating a med. How I'll are you right now?

Joy

January 21, 2018

PB...i here you with the inner critic,I had one before WD,but the AD just shut mine up...but now since all the carnage it’s so loud...I have neuro shame & guilt....

Dont make any rash desicions while in WD PB,I know it’s entirely up to you,but I regret to this day one of mine what I did....

The first step is your aware of this,so with time you can change it..I think us human beings are our own worst enemy even before WD!

I hope your ok & things have calmed down some!sorry I never know what to write...I feel as though I have to watch what I write not to upset any body.Sorry if this doesn’t make sense.Just wanted to stop by & give you some support

pink xxx

January 21, 2018

1 hour ago, AliG said:

What decisions have to be made, P. ?

We're there for you , whatever you decide.

Sorry A for throwing out that word "decisions" so flippant ,it has nothing to do with tapering .

I'm just worn out with putting things off because I cant trust my gut and think things out .

apologies again AliG,you mods are busy enough without playing guessing games also .

Thanks and respect .

January 21, 2018

1 hour ago, joy2730 said:

Do not feel pressure from anyone - be selfish and do what is best for you. I gather your personal relationships are strained because of your withdrawals? Are you thinking of leaving some family members or reinstating a med. How I'll are you right now?

Joy

Thanks joy ,I'm worn out emotionally and I'm creating my own pressure ,I've been honest in this process with family and friends and its gone on so long there starting to wonder ,it all plays into doctors know best the longer this goes on .

anyone reading my thread needs to be careful worrying and comparing themselves to my journey so they shouldn't .its just been a very overwhelming week/weekend .just because I'm in protracted withdrawl and sensitive to tapers doesn't mean others will be the same but be wary .

I need to find someone to help me resolve deep unresolved trauma and this is overwhelming to research when my cognitive function is scarily bad .

moving far away and being on my own has crossed my mind big time ,for one I'm a night mare to live with and another I need mountains of rest that I simply cant get ,the closing of a door is like a loud speaker to my brain when I'm this bad .

Thanks for the reply ,its much appreciated in this wave .

I hope your well .

January 21, 2018

40 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

PB...i here you with the inner critic,I had one before WD,but the AD just shut mine up...but now since all the carnage it’s so loud...I have neuro shame & guilt....

Dont make any rash desicions while in WD PB,I know it’s entirely up to you,but I regret to this day one of mine what I did....

The first step is your aware of this,so with time you can change it..I think us human beings are our own worst enemy even before WD!

I hope your ok & things have calmed down some!sorry I never know what to write...I feel as though I have to watch what I write not to upset any body.Sorry if this doesn’t make sense.Just wanted to stop by & give you some support

pink xxx

Thanks pink no need to worry your response is perfect I'm very glad to have it .

I get you on watching what to write ,but when it concerns me you've no need to worry ,what my inner critic says would get ye life in prison in the real world .

As I write this my critic says I'm an attention seeker .

you just be careful nothing triggers you ,you need to be strong for your little boy .

I hope you enjoyed your chocolate fountain .

years ago a counsellor told me I had the strongest critic he had ever come across ,he would want to see it now.

I was also medicated ,it was at the start of being put on meds .

I'm just going to put this torture down to the process and put trust in myself I will come out the other side .

Be safe .

January 21, 2018

22 hours ago, Martina23 said:

I also like hiking!

Great you into hiking M ,it was lashing rain today here in Ireland and i still wanted to go but I held off and rested .

Hope your weekend has been peaceful and well .

January 21, 2018

On ‎20‎/‎01‎/‎2018 at 6:52 PM, kesh said:

Just saying hi PB as I noticed you like to hike in the hills.

I think when we're going through the bad times we need something to look forward to doing when we're better, and mine is going hiking and wild camping in the hills and mountains. I used to do it a lot, in Wales and once in Norway. I can't imagine anything better for my brain, body and soul.

So just saying hi to a fellow hiker.

Hi Kesh exactly we need something to guide us through and look forward to.

I'm determined to do a walk in the Scottish highlands the end of spring /summer ,in a bad wave lately has me second guessing what to do ,but even the planning and looking it up should fill me with joy .

I must say your well ahead of me ,wild camping ,that's great, kudos .

You could definitely show me the ropes with them great walks you've been on .

Always keep the faith ,you will get back to it no doubt.

Respect .

January 21, 2018

22 hours ago, kesh said:

Antidepressants Hiking Club!

would big pharma sponsor it I wonder ,but then again how could we go to bed with the devil or hiking .

January 21, 2018

PB we would be in prison together my friend

my trauma specialist said she’s never seen any body so hard on there selfs either...

i did well on the meds,it silenced that inner critic but since 2 CTs & tapering the beast is back with a rocket up its bum lol...

when i write my my inner critic says,your worthless & nobody will listen to what you have to say urgh!

Am been strong for my son,but it’s heart breaking as we’re both in this mess together.But my duty as a mum is to get us out of this mess...

lol the chocolate fountain was messy 😆!!my son enjoyed it & my mouth was watering like a good en!!

The only way out is through PB...

Go easy on your self & gag that inner critic...trying to duct tape mine at the moment...

Like you I have so much unresolved trauma hence medication & self medication..But am waiting till am through on the other side to deal with it.

my goal is to learn compassion towards myself.Very hard to do,when you’ve never been shown it..

one day PB we will soar & stand tall that we got through this!!

It’s all a learning journey & were all just walking each each other home

take care pink xxx

January 21, 2018

Careful of those midges in the Highlands!

January 21, 2018

11 minutes ago, kesh said:

Careful of those midges in the Highlands!

oh ye ,good point ,you've seen straight through how much I've planned it out ,I'm thinking they'd be a distraction from withdrawl .

do you get out for even small hikes these days to keep some strength up .

January 21, 2018

28 minutes ago, powerback said:

you just be careful nothing triggers you ,you need to be strong for your little boy .

I liked this sentence :-).

I agree you have to stand tall and face the storm. When you fall, get up and give your little boy a big hug ;-)

You're stronger now. You can face the pain.

January 21, 2018

2 minutes ago, miT said:

I liked this sentence :-).

I agree you have to stand tall and face the storm. When you fall, get up and give your little boy a big hug ;-)

You're stronger now. You can face the pain.

Hi miT ,ye your correct .

I hope your well .

January 21, 2018

4 minutes ago, powerback said:

oh ye ,good point ,you've seen straight through how much I've planned it out ,I'm thinking they'd be a distraction from withdrawl .

do you get out for even small hikes these days to keep some strength up .

I walk around the part of London I'm in. Pacing walks when akathisia is on, normal walks when it isn't. But I have lost a ton of fitness since this began in December. I started smoking for example. Stopped cycling as I moved to London to be looked after.

January 21, 2018

21 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

PB we would be in prison together my friend

my trauma specialist said she’s never seen any body so hard on there selfs either...

i did well on the meds,it silenced that inner critic but since 2 CTs & tapering the beast is back with a rocket up its bum lol...

when i write my my inner critic says,your worthless & nobody will listen to what you have to say urgh!

Am been strong for my son,but it’s heart breaking as we’re both in this mess together.But my duty as a mum is to get us out of this mess...

lol the chocolate fountain was messy 😆!!my son enjoyed it & my mouth was watering like a good en!!

The only way out is through PB...

Go easy on your self & gag that inner critic...trying to duct tape mine at the moment...

Like you I have so much unresolved trauma hence medication & self medication..But am waiting till am through on the other side to deal with it.

my goal is to learn compassion towards myself.Very hard to do,when you’ve never been shown it..

one day PB we will soar & stand tall that we got through this!!

It’s all a learning journey & were all just walking each each other home

take care pink xxx

"the body keeps the score ",I cant think who wrote this at the moment ,but its a book for further down the road pink ,we need to keep you recovering ,its just the tittle came to me while reading your reply .

Then would we even let ourselves out of prison if given the key ,a little deep for a Sunday night .

Great you boy loved the fountain .

I heard somewhere that the inner critic/voice was always internalised from others saying it to us growing up ,don't read to far into that ,I did, so know I wonder about everything .

Thanks pink .

January 21, 2018

6 minutes ago, kesh said:

I walk around the part of London I'm in. Pacing walks when akathisia is on, normal walks when it isn't. But I have lost a ton of fitness since this began in December. I started smoking for example. Stopped cycling as I moved to London to be looked after.

Sorry to hear that kesh ,December only weeks ago and all that fitness gone .from what I know of fitness ,the muscles will remember and click back when your body is ready ,keep the faith .is it any wonder we go for things to ease the stress i.e. smoking .my friend loves smoking grass and says I should do it for my situation ,but the small bits I did as a kid always back fired and I never took to it well.only if ide of coped it ,I was always sensitive to things/substances .

Try your best to get the best nutrition you can ,no doubt you know that yourself ,its so hard all the same .

January 21, 2018

Hi PB

If the people around you are saying this is taking too long you must listen to the doctors and perhaps go back to the mess it is because they so want to see you well - that is all and they will be feeling anxious for you.

Family hold all the same doubts as people on this forum.

Joy

January 21, 2018

Have got his book PB

can’t remember is name though lol...

Were working on finding the key PB,to let us out of jail for our freedom back.

Oh tell me about it,have looked into all sorts while going through this,should not of as it made me worse.But totally agree none of this stuff was ever ours,.it gets passed down through generations..My family pattern was all based upon trauma.So it’s whats learnt & what we have been told,your therapist was right...

But the good news is we can re-wire our faulty beliefs.Healing the inner child is where am starting from.None of this was ever our fault,my family was working from below the veil they knew know better & was never aware...Am aware & I believe am at the end of our chain to break it...

sorry a little deep for a sunday as you say.

But I just want you to know your not alone with all these thoughts.Am right there with you...

Going through WD just brings everything up & dumps it all at our feet...but what we have to do is just get through each day & build us all a solid foundation...so when this ends,we can build a home on a solid ground..& then we can walk out of that jail....

lol sorry if I talk nonsense just ignore me lol

xxx

January 21, 2018

38 minutes ago, joy2730 said:

Hi PB

If the people around you are saying this is taking too long you must listen to the doctors and perhaps go back to the mess it is because they so want to see you well - that is all and they will be feeling anxious for you.

Family hold all the same doubts as people on this forum.

Joy

Hi joy ,its the neuro feelings ripping me apart .I cant ever follow a doctors advice again ,its all built on lies to even begin with .my meds sheet would be looking like 300mg venlafaxine ,Zyprexa and a benzo if I had of kept listening to my doctor ,the same man said ide have no problems halving a 75 mg dose witch led me to a huge mess .

I totally respect other members views on meds ,but looking at my own case ,I wont use a med option ever again ,my genetic make up or what ever you call it is just too sensitive for these strong drugs ,so the next generation need to do serious checks before going on this stuff .

I'm actually resentful some people around me wont listen to me about the great work of this site and MIA and the people that want to make a change for the better .these people want the quick fixes that they are obsessed over and indoctrinated with .I understand loved ones care but if they constantly disregard someone else's beliefs, this is abuse and highly disrespectful .

If there was even a shred of evidence fighting fire with fire worked ide take a med and stop this torture ,but as I said I've gone way to far to ever go back ,you cant read all the research I've read and then expect to take these drugs everyday for the rest of my life and keep wondering what damage I'm doing ,its the only toxin I put in my body ,and I thought giving up alcohol was an issue ,nothing compared to this .

If DR Healy ever comes up with a way to help us in withdrawl it is gladly welcomed but it just shows ye how clueless we are at understanding the brain .

DRs are not infallible gods ,they over worked over paid over trusted and need to be respectfully taken off there pedestals,im not just saying this because I'm disgruntled or slightly embittered ,its the truth .how in the world can we keep sending the next generations to these people that turn a blind eye to the biggest mess of the last 30/40 years .would you trust anyone that was part of an industry that hides and buries lawsuits to suit themselves .I even heard a doctor slagging off another field of health care on the radio[chiropractors ] and no one batted an eyelid ,this is mad to be so irreproachable.

Any way rant over ,I call it passion .I just realise I read your reply a bit defensively .I by no means am directing anything at you .

I'm passionate about taking the power back from these people for ourselves .

Thanks joy and I sincerely respect your view and opinion .

peace.

January 21, 2018

32 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

Have got his book PB

can’t remember is name though lol...

Were working on finding the key PB,to let us out of jail for our freedom back.

Oh tell me about it,have looked into all sorts while going through this,should not of as it made me worse.But totally agree none of this stuff was ever ours,.it gets passed down through generations..My family pattern was all based upon trauma.So it’s whats learnt & what we have been told,your therapist was right...

But the good news is we can re-wire our faulty beliefs.Healing the inner child is where am starting from.None of this was ever our fault,my family was working from below the veil they knew know better & was never aware...Am aware & I believe am at the end of our chain to break it...

sorry a little deep for a sunday as you say.

But I just want you to know your not alone with all these thoughts.Am right there with you...

Going through WD just brings everything up & dumps it all at our feet...but what we have to do is just get through each day & build us all a solid foundation...so when this ends,we can build a home on a solid ground..& then we can walk out of that jail....

lol sorry if I talk nonsense just ignore me lol

xxx

No your not talking nonsense ,its all sense .

Thanks pink with you all the way also.

My brain is running on empty this minute ,I'm guilty and shameful I haven't a better reply for you pink .what are we like .

You win the battle tonight ,you've put together some nice eloquent worded reply's.

January 21, 2018

Hey don’t worry about it,I will let you off lol

Its our lovely WD brains (nice & fried lol)

You will be back on par soon PB,no doubt about that

haha yipeeee I do make sense.In WD I think I have my own language & there’s only me what understands it.Am weary of posting stuff as I aren’t that intelligent or use big words...

Lack of confidence,but if I can help some one a tiny bit,then that’s all that matters

xxx

January 21, 2018

1 hour ago, joy2730 said:

Hi PB

If the people around you are saying this is taking too long you must listen to the doctors and perhaps go back to the mess it is because they so want to see you well - that is all and they will be feeling anxious for you.

Family hold all the same doubts as people on this forum.

Joy

I'm sorry , ~ but that's what got us all in this mess, originally ~ especially listening to doctors. We all need to " un- doctor" ourselves and start to take back control of our own health. I've never been healthier than since I stopped listening to doctors. I don't believe they want to see us well ~

January 21, 2018

18 minutes ago, pinkfairy said:

Hey don’t worry about it,I will let you off lol

Its our lovely WD brains (nice & fried lol)

You will be back on par soon PB,no doubt about that

haha yipeeee I do make sense.In WD I think I have my own language & there’s only me what understands it.Am weary of posting stuff as I aren’t that intelligent or use big words...

Lack of confidence,but if I can help some one a tiny bit,then that’s all that matters

xxx

As I say to my friend "these big words don't make me money ",he is always wondering about the words I use .

And of course sigmun freud would say I'm over compensating for a weakness using big words .trust me using big words isn't a marker of intelligence .

Living with withdrawl and getting by would be a good marker if you ask me .

My word around him lately is "fastidious ".I might get a t-shirt with it written on it ,he would crack up laughing .

January 21, 2018

2 hours ago, AliG said:

I'm sorry , ~ but that's what got us all in this mess, originally ~ especially listening to doctors. We all need to " un- doctor" ourselves and start to take back control of our own health.

Ali, I agree passionately and whole-heartedly. Just about every single one of us is here on this forum because we trusted doctors. These are legal (!!!???) "medications" that we took as prescribed.

And PB, I agree that living through WD is a sign of intelligence and strength!!!!!

January 22, 2018

sorry to hear you had a rough day PB, how are you feeling today? try get out on a hike if possible and clear your head

take care

January 22, 2018

i know where you are PB your making that tee-shirt aren’t you 😂

Hope your feeling a tiny bit better...

powerback: tapering no 2

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