powerback: tapering no 2

[powerback]

1 hour ago, pinkfairy said:

Hope your managing pb 

 

xxx

so do I pink ,I think Damien from the omen is missing he's demon and its taking up living in me rent free and feeding off me  

Thanks pink your so kind  

[pinkfairy]

Well he must have a twin because his living in me too  

 

xxx

[powerback]

today is the first day of a strict gluten free diet so we will see in a month if there's any difference .

my will power is crap so I think I'm posting this to make myself stick to it and knowing  my peers are  going  through the same problems .here's hoping hey .  

[powerback]

 

[SkyBlue]

Hi Powerback, I just read your entire thread. : ) You've been through a lot and are still in the game, that is awesome.

 

Sounds like around February things were pretty rough. How are things for you these days?

 

I can *definitely* relate to being super-sensitive to noises. The other day someone's phone just buzzed once from an incoming message and I about jumped out of my skin. Have you found anything to help w this? I take magnesium, and I do have earplugs but of course can't go around wearing them all of the time.

 

Hope you are doing well.

[powerback]

11 hours ago, SkyBlue said:

Hi Powerback, I just read your entire thread. : ) You've been through a lot and are still in the game, that is awesome.

 

Sounds like around February things were pretty rough. How are things for you these days?

 

I can *definitely* relate to being super-sensitive to noises. The other day someone's phone just buzzed once from an incoming message and I about jumped out of my skin. Have you found anything to help w this? I take magnesium, and I do have earplugs but of course can't go around wearing them all of the time.

 

Hope you are doing well.

Hi SB thanks for reading my thread ,I don't write up half of it anymore because ide be just be  repeating myself and to be honest I'm sadly only getting worse ,I'm actually very sick since Christmas with small  periods of "normal" .I have extremely nasty intrusive thoughts and my self critic is on steroids ,I'm painfully  sensitive and paranoid that I simply wonder what will become of me, someone would make a disparaging comment and it would cut me like a knife .  [I'm not long awake while writing this, so  always at my worst ].its simply impossible to partake in life like this .

 

In my own opinion I  realise  I have made every mistake in the book when it comes to tapering[started with my doctors advice ] ,I dunk my head in cold water in the mornings to try get the inflammation out of my head .the ear protection ear muffs I have on this minute probably gives me tension headaches  .

Ok enough of the Debby downer ,I'm depressing myself here.

these sensitivity's are to do with the sympathetic nervous system so research ways to reduce your stress in areas like food ,alcohol ,toxic people ,your environment ,get to sleep early and wake early ,its what's most natural for us .

 

Thanks again Sky for your visit ,it actually means a lot to me ,we simply just keep fighting .

Take care and I hope your well .

 

[dj2010]

1 hour ago, powerback said:

Hi SB thanks for reading my thread ,I don't write up half of it anymore because ide be just be  repeating myself and to be honest I'm sadly only getting worse ,I'm actually very sick since Christmas with small  periods of "normal" .I have extremely nasty intrusive thoughts and my self critic is on steroids ,I'm painfully  sensitive and paranoid that I simply wonder what will become of me, someone would make a disparaging comment and it would cut me like a knife .  [I'm not long awake while writing this, so  always at my worst ].its simply impossible to partake in life like this .

 

In my own opinion I  realise  I have made every mistake in the book when it comes to tapering[started with my doctors advice ] ,I dunk my head in cold water in the mornings to try get the inflammation out of my head .the ear protection ear muffs I have on this minute probably gives me tension headaches  .

Ok enough of the Debby downer ,I'm depressing myself here.

these sensitivity's are to do with the sympathetic nervous system so research ways to reduce your stress in areas like food ,alcohol ,toxic people ,your environment ,get to sleep early and wake early ,its what's most natural for us .

 

Thanks again Sky for your visit ,it actually means a lot to me ,we simply just keep fighting .

Take care and I hope your well .

 

sorry to hear you are suffering PB, I pray you are back in a window soon, keep you chin up don't let withdrawal get the better of you,

 

take care

[Kristine]

Hey there PB, Thank you for your kind words on my thread. You really are a sweetheart too reach out whilst suffering so terribly yourself.  

2 hours ago, powerback said:

my self critic is on steroids

As you read, I'm doing the same thing. I really do love your description! I just wish you were not experiencing any of these horrible experiences. You will however get through this PB  I don't doubt that. Much Love K xo

[powerback]

6 hours ago, dj2010 said:

sorry to hear you are suffering PB, I pray you are back in a window soon, keep you chin up don't let withdrawal get the better of you,

 

take care

Thanks DJ your very kind ,don't be dragged out of your good recovery ,sadly I cant blame everything on withdrawl ,I crave to be a good example but sadly ive been kidding myself for far to long and I'm astonished how much worse this is going to get for me .its becoming painfully apparent to me ive lost patience with this process  and I'm on the verge of a huge breaking point ,this is to do with my character and personality mixed with withdrawl [impossible toxic mix ].

 

Anyone out there reading this is not to compare my long journey[especially newbies ]  with there own because every little decision and choice you make long before withdrawl plays its part and it  has just came back to smash me in withdrawl .

Ile try and tap into that self compassion DJ and just keep fighting .

Be safe .

[powerback]

5 hours ago, Kristine said:

Hey there PB, Thank you for your kind words on my thread. You really are a sweetheart too reach out whilst suffering so terribly yourself.  

As you read, I'm doing the same thing. I really do love your description! I just wish you were not experiencing any of these horrible experiences. You will however get through this PB  I don't doubt that. Much Love K xo

Your welcome K ,I simply don't have a second for sympathy for anyone outside this site anymore because there simply isn't worse suffering than this ,except  for a few close friends and  family .

today has been a living hell with triggers everywhere I turn and my poor heart cant take it anymore ,I'm listen to music to try and offload some emotion but its just nearly there if you get me ,cant quite reach the emotion .

Sadly K ive lived with this critic my whole life and now I'm aware of it [last 6 years] its even more painful .I don't believe in the chemical imbalance theory but something went wrong in my brains development and then add years of self medication and now withdrawl ,I'm at pains to imagine my way out of this .

The drugs never helped me achieve anything so take the time drugged and withdrawl there'll be at least 10 years wiped off my life ,I have read many stories about drugs helping people  even before negative affects happened  ,I contradict myself here because lately I think back they mite of been helping me ,who knows hey . 

Take care K 

[powerback]

I'm here trying to force a window ,we are nearly there 

[Littlegrandma]

1 hour ago, powerback said:

I'm here trying to force a window ,we are nearly there 

How apropos! Love it

[powerback]

10 minutes ago, Littlegrandma said:

How apropos! Love it

Glad you like it LG 

[dj2010]

14 hours ago, powerback said:

Thanks DJ your very kind ,don't be dragged out of your good recovery ,sadly I cant blame everything on withdrawl ,I crave to be a good example but sadly ive been kidding myself for far to long and I'm astonished how much worse this is going to get for me .its becoming painfully apparent to me ive lost patience with this process  and I'm on the verge of a huge breaking point ,this is to do with my character and personality mixed with withdrawl [impossible toxic mix ].

 

Anyone out there reading this is not to compare my long journey[especially newbies ]  with there own because every little decision and choice you make long before withdrawl plays its part and it  has just came back to smash me in withdrawl .

Ile try and tap into that self compassion DJ and just keep fighting .

Be safe .

 

Hi PB, I am sorry to hear how bad things have got, it might seem like there is no hope at the moment and that this will last forever but it wont, with time you will become stable and start having quality of life again, I was the same thinking there was no hope and would never get stable and be stuck on drugs forever but things changed and I became stable and managed to complete my taper and this will happen for you also even if you cant see this at the moment, you just need to take one day at a time putting one foot in front of the other, you also need to try and force yourself to get out of the house with daily exercise, this is crucial for recovery, I was once agoraphobic many years ago and it takes its toll, 

 

keep up the fight, take care

[powerback]

2 hours ago, dj2010 said:

 

Hi PB, I am sorry to hear how bad things have got, it might seem like there is no hope at the moment and that this will last forever but it wont, with time you will become stable and start having quality of life again, I was the same thinking there was no hope and would never get stable and be stuck on drugs forever but things changed and I became stable and managed to complete my taper and this will happen for you also even if you cant see this at the moment, you just need to take one day at a time putting one foot in front of the other, you also need to try and force yourself to get out of the house with daily exercise, this is crucial for recovery, I was once agoraphobic many years ago and it takes its toll, 

 

keep up the fight, take care

Sound man thanks ,I'm lucky I'm pig ignorant stubborn so I wont give in ,its been a brutal winter and I'm pretty sure I understand why ,I have dentist tomorrow to get a route canal done again ,the last 6 months ive had an accumulation of infections that has worn my body down to the point it couldn't fight anything off   ,weather crap for Easter but ile get out anyway .

Thanks again DJ be well and have a lovely Easter . 

[dj2010]

4 minutes ago, powerback said:

Sound man thanks ,I'm lucky I'm pig ignorant stubborn so I wont give in ,its been a brutal winter and I'm pretty sure I understand why ,I have dentist tomorrow to get a route canal done again ,the last 6 months ive had an accumulation of infections that has worn my body down to the point it couldn't fight anything off   ,weather crap for Easter but ile get out anyway .

Thanks again DJ be well and have a lovely Easter . 

be careful at the dentist tomorrow, I am sure i have read about other members going to the dentist and receiving injections etc that has made them worse you might want to have a search around the site and look for what you need to avoid tomorrow,

 

hope it goes well for you, have a nice Easter yourself

[powerback]

3 hours ago, dj2010 said:

be careful at the dentist tomorrow, I am sure i have read about other members going to the dentist and receiving injections etc that has made them worse you might want to have a search around the site and look for what you need to avoid tomorrow,

 

hope it goes well for you, have a nice Easter yourself

Ye your spot on thanks for reminding me DJ ,the thing is ive a small infection in the gum for a very long time and I must do something about it ,ive put it off for far to long ,I got hold of the names of antibiotics I'm sensitive to and even one I'm allergic to.maybe ile just ask for an antibiotic but they never clear it ,

 

 the infection seems to be in the root canal itself .its not painful ,its just as I said an accumulation and there taking there toll on my health .

tomorrow is a consultation so I wont let injections happen ,I suppose I cant really do anything about  it if I need the treatment .

I'm pretty sure my adrenals are in trouble also but not sure how far gone .I'm sorry I waited the tapering out and should of just put up with pain a long time ago of proper withdrawl with drugs in my system .

Ile see what he says ,I mite just go for a couple of weeks of antibiotics and put the root canal off .

Take care DJ and enjoy your weekend . 

[dj2010]

16 hours ago, powerback said:

Ye your spot on thanks for reminding me DJ ,the thing is ive a small infection in the gum for a very long time and I must do something about it ,ive put it off for far to long ,I got hold of the names of antibiotics I'm sensitive to and even one I'm allergic to.maybe ile just ask for an antibiotic but they never clear it ,

 

 the infection seems to be in the root canal itself .its not painful ,its just as I said an accumulation and there taking there toll on my health .

tomorrow is a consultation so I wont let injections happen ,I suppose I cant really do anything about  it if I need the treatment .

I'm pretty sure my adrenals are in trouble also but not sure how far gone .I'm sorry I waited the tapering out and should of just put up with pain a long time ago of proper withdrawl with drugs in my system .

Ile see what he says ,I mite just go for a couple of weeks of antibiotics and put the root canal off .

Take care DJ and enjoy your weekend . 

Hi PB, yeh cant ignore this then if its effecting your health, it sounds like you are on the ball with what need to avoid etc, I hope all goes well for you, take care

[powerback]

Back from dentist ,major work needed done  ,I was hoping he would say this antibiotic will clear it but not a hope lol.

its an infection  in a root canal and the root mite have to go thus means an implant or a bridge .if decisions weren't hard enough in withdrawl .oh the joys .ive got to this age without  a filling but will need one after he checked today ,any wise folk out there know much about the best types of fillings to get .

 

Glad I went because he did a check up on all the rest of  my teeth and gums perfect ,that's a positive at least 

Thanks in advance and happy Easter to  all.

[wantrelief]

Hey PB - I completely empathize with you.  I just had to have a tooth extracted yesterday and a bone graft completed.  I will have to wait several months to see if the bone graft works and then hopefully will be able to have an implant placed (it sounds like that is the preferable option vs. a bridge but sometimes there isn't enough bone for an implant).  I, unfortunately, don't know the best types of fillings to get but probably one that isn't the old school metal kind.  It is really hard to work all of this out on top of withdrawal, that is for sure! 

 

[Kitson]

Hey PB, I'm glad you're getting your dental work sorted out, getting that infection gone will hopefully help you to turn the corner health-wise. You've been through so much lately. Still sending good vibes your way. Keep fighting the good fight, we're cheering for you!

[powerback]

14 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

Hey PB - I completely empathize with you.  I just had to have a tooth extracted yesterday and a bone graft completed.  I will have to wait several months to see if the bone graft works and then hopefully will be able to have an implant placed (it sounds like that is the preferable option vs. a bridge but sometimes there isn't enough bone for an implant).  I, unfortunately, don't know the best types of fillings to get but probably one that isn't the old school metal kind.  It is really hard to work all of this out on top of withdrawal, that is for sure! 

 

Hi W thanks for your input ,it was so funny, I said to the man I was with yous last year and it was actually may 2015 he said,he must of wondered what he had siting in he's chair lol,its astonishing the time that has gone by medicated ,I'm sad about time lost  but hopeful for the future . 

Hope the graft works out for you ,take care and brush twice a day .

[powerback]

13 minutes ago, Kitson said:

Hey PB, I'm glad you're getting your dental work sorted out, getting that infection gone will hopefully help you to turn the corner health-wise. You've been through so much lately. Still sending good vibes your way. Keep fighting the good fight, we're cheering for you!

Hi K Thanks for your reply ,I want to run a mile and find a big sand dune to bury my head in after today .he even noticed my tonsils inflamed ,Thanks for the vibes my friend there welcomed with open arms . 

Take care K .

[Kitson]

So go run that mile. Or at least walk. Exercise is good. But no burying your head in the sand - too hard to breathe! Sit on the sand dune and meditate or watch one of those relaxing videos you post for us. You'll get through this. Dental procedures are the worst. I had a root canal last May -  I think I still have some PTSD from it, I wouldn't let them take xrays at my last visit  lol

[powerback]

3 minutes ago, Kitson said:

So go run that mile. Or at least walk. Exercise is good. But no burying your head in the sand - too hard to breathe! Sit on the sand dune and meditate or watch one of those relaxing videos you post for us. You'll get through this. Dental procedures are the worst. I had a root canal last May -  I think I still have some PTSD from it, I wouldn't let them take xrays at my last visit  lol

,I'm fine tonight cheers ,dare I say a little window .did they tell you youl feel no pain then bang the needle goes up there and OUCH make it stop lol.

PTSD wouldn't surprise me .

[FarmGirlWorks]

Hey PB, thanks for the AnxietyExit video. Youch. As a being always in the flight-or-flight or unresponsive responses, that hurt. Hopeful though that he was able to change it. I, like you, have become more aware of the constant critic inside and struggle to at least quiet it -- but not usually. Anyways, words are failing me today (it is a rough one) so just know that good vibes are coming your way.

[powerback]

11 minutes ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Hey PB, thanks for the AnxietyExit video. Youch. As a being always in the flight-or-flight or unresponsive responses, that hurt. Hopeful though that he was able to change it. I, like you, have become more aware of the constant critic inside and struggle to at least quiet it -- but not usually. Anyways, words are failing me today (it is a rough one) so just know that good vibes are coming your way.

I'm glad its of use to you FGW ,I'm with you the whole way through the rough ride ,sometimes it feels like these rides are powered by nuclear power .I have been doing a lot of witnessing my critic and its actions ,its constantly arguing with the smallest social interactions I partake in .  

Thanks for the vibes ,write back at you .

Be safe .

[Kitson]

17 minutes ago, powerback said:

,I'm fine tonight cheers ,dare I say a little window .did they tell you youl feel no pain then bang the needle goes up there and OUCH make it stop lol.

PTSD wouldn't surprise me .

 

Ah, so glad you're getting a window! Wonderful!

 

Actually I was concerned I wouldn't get enough Novocaine. My root pulp was quite inflamed. I usually do fine at the dentist as long as I am completely numb. I don't want to feel any pain. I talked with him enough about it that he agreed to give me extra novocaine. So it was pain-free, but I was in the chair for three hours and my jaw was so sore afterwards and I got trigger points in my jaw muscles I had to work them out myself. Trigger points are when small portions of muscles go into spasms like a charley horse and won't release on their own.

[powerback]

6 minutes ago, Kitson said:

 

Ah, so glad you're getting a window! Wonderful!

 

Actually I was concerned I wouldn't get enough Novocaine. My root pulp was quite inflamed. I usually do fine at the dentist as long as I am completely numb. I don't want to feel any pain. I talked with him enough about it that he agreed to give me extra novocaine. So it was pain-free, but I was in the chair for three hours and my jaw was so sore afterwards and I got trigger points in my jaw muscles I had to work them out myself. Trigger points are when small portions of muscles go into spasms like a charley horse and won't release on their own.

DID all that novocaine play havock with your withdrawl symptoms .  

[Kitson]

4 minutes ago, powerback said:

DID all that novocaine play havock with your withdrawl symptoms .  

 

I was afraid that it would, but it didn't thank goodness.

[powerback]

Just now, Kitson said:

 

I was afraid that it would, but it didn't thank goodness.

That was great it didn't .

[powerback]

My latest way to drown out  the intrusive/thoughts is listening to upbeat music loudly ,bye bye to my hearing 

[powerback]

this one helps tonight 

[Junglechicken]

Sending you supportive vibes PB, and sorry to hear about the infections, that's really rough.

 

You are not alone in this struggle I can assure you.....every new day brings possibilities, we're just not necessarily in the right place to be able to see them or be open to them.

 

i really hope you get some relief from being in pain very soon.

 

JC xx

 

 

[powerback]

27 minutes ago, Junglechicken said:

Sending you supportive vibes PB, and sorry to hear about the infections, that's really rough.

 

You are not alone in this struggle I can assure you.....every new day brings possibilities, we're just not necessarily in the right place to be able to see them or be open to them.

 

i really hope you get some relief from being in pain very soon.

 

JC xx

 

 

Thanks JC your very kind with dealing with your own nightmare also .

I was in the kitchen there finding something to eat and when I opened the fridge a thought comes into my head  "surely theres a good book in all this suffering ".

Be safe and take care .

[powerback]

simply beutiful