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bhasski

bhasski : Damaged all over ... physically , mentally and spiritually

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bhasski

MammaP,

I am sorry to hurt you or anybody but I need someone who is aware to talk to. My family is big , daily s1 come and go , my parents ask me the questions what do i think to do now , my interests while nothing I feel but anger. Same goes with friends. Some of whom I helped with academics most of the time, come and say that I am losing the will. Those big knowledgeable words.

I am unable to listen even if I try to. It hurts more.

 

 

If I tell them only time can heal ... but how much time ? What is the credibility of people I am talking to ? I m left with no answers.

 

I just know what doctors did was bad, not to prescribe medicines was not that bad but to ignore what I was saying to them.

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mammaP

We are all aware Bhasski and we all understand how you are feeling. Unfortunately most people do not understand unless they have felt the same way. They can't tolerate people talking about withdrawal because they cannot do anything to help and it distresses them. They want us to see doctors thinking that they should be able to give us some pills to make it better, and don't realise that more drugs can make us much worse. We have to take care of ourselves and support each other here. Getting through each day by finding something that makes us feel happy is very important. The more happy thoughts we can find the faster we will get better. This is a proven scientific fact , the brain reacts to positive stimuli and produces hormones that make us feel better. 

 

You will get better, we all will, and have to help ourselves to get there. We are all with you. 

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Gridley

mammaP, you are a balm each day.  Thank you.

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doggiemama

I understand what you going through to forget all these everyday things bring on horrific anxiety but I promise these things do get better and only time can heal . When I was in bad withdrawal I had all these symptoms. Some days are very hard but try stay calm .

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bhasski

I still forget things. My head always burn with negative  thoughts of anger ... mistakes of mine and other... nothing feels good. 

Recently there are some serious property and finance issues popped up while I feel unable to handle those. I still cannot talk to people and cannot feel my words itself.

 

Also I joined a morning gym to get tired but its not helped yet. I find it very difficult to wake up and go due to sleep issues.

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bhasski

Physical symptoms. :

One major symptom which I am suffering from left side body uneasiness. Left leg is restless at nights, left hand gone ulnar neuropathy, heart area seems uneasy, left eye is too weak.. 

While right side seems to be have better ease comparitvely.

 

Resltess left leg doesn't allow to sleep.

 

Also shoulders  and neck muscles are stiff and cause pain and discomfort.

 

Emotional :

Cannot feel pleasure . Irritation .. anger.. memory.

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bhasski

Hi,

Can anybody tell me about successful recovery from drug induced restless legs?

It doesn't allow me to sleep and it happens almost daily that I could sleep after 4am coz of this.

 

I didn't had this before drugs but now off everything for more than 16 mos , i don't want to go back on them. It took me this much time to feel a little okay... 

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bhasski

Where are all the moderators ?

Can somebody tell me sth natural to relax legs esp. left leg ... so that I can rest atleast ?

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scallywag

Have you tried searching the site using the local search tool?  Have you tried using a web search engine? Use these search terms for google

"restless leg syndrome" and "site:survivingantidepressants.org"

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rupa

Hi bhasski

Have you tried heat massage and cold massage on leg.Drinking big glass of warm milk before going to bed reduces leg pain and helps to sleep too.

If you check success stories ,it took more than 4 years any one fully recovered.I guess you too will recover fully with the time.

Sleep is necessary for day time function.If sleep is there we can face any other symptoms.

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bhasski

@scallywag

Thanks.

I have searched over the forum. There is sth on quinine tonic and some links... 

But couldn't decide what to start with. For past 2 weeks the sleep is much disturbing.

I have started taking mucuna for rls that I had bought earlier but couldn't take due to severe sensitivity. I will report if sth goes better.

 

 

@rupa

I have seen the stories and thats the backbone giving me courage to stay even after CTed.  I agree sleep needs to be corrected, but i mostly lose to it and some days are worse, i feel it unbearable.

I had massages but not having for now. Also i take milk daily as habit but it has lost its sedative power .. ?

 

Anyways how r u doing nowadays... hope  it gets better for u.

 

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rupa

Bhasski

You are very brave.

I am functioning normal as I am getting sleep with low dose olanzapine.

Thank you for asking.

 

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scallywag

Here's what I found when I searched for quinine:

 

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bhasski

RIP Chester Bennington (lead singer, Linkin Park)

 

I am afraid that they have one more reason to push medicines unreasonably.

 

All in the media, head shrinks and their heads talking. Media houses , TOI n HT writing as they fairly believe what is told.

 

But they never talk that meds could also cause it.

 

Edited by ChessieCat
Added additional info

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bhasski

Hi everybody,

I have very stiff neck and stretching pain at back of neck and shoulders along with fatigue.

 

 

Anybody who is facing same issues and have gone better pleas reply.. 

 

A surgeon who operated me for ulnar neuropathy gave me nortryptline 10mg/ pregabalin 75mg. I took it once believing him and the next morning i woke up pain free and relaxed.

From that day, i know its sth hormonal damage caused by ssris ans APs. I never took nortryptline again knowing its a atypical AD.

 

Please gimme sm solution to relieve pain.

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rupa

Dear bhasski

Use myolaxin ointment

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bhasski

Thanks rupa.

 

For past two days I am dread angry. Today afternoon I broke TV remote only to make my mother shut who was forcing me to go attend shop as I started and I was mad at my dad for some shop issues. I was literally shouting and shivering in anger and asking my mom to stop . It ended up throwing and breaking TV remote.

 

This is what is happening in anger... its.like I am boiling .. i cannot make arguments .. just shout.

 

 

My father chose to ignore what I say coz he did not seem concern or take action .. I told them a lot of time my disablitity to take actions in hand now and I m mad not going on my shop.

 

Other reason is that I feel stressful talking and my memory fails big time.

 

Edited by bhasski
More additional

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rupa

Dear bhasski,

I am very concerned of you.

What if you reinstate 5 m.g olanzapine to get controlled emotions and get good sleep.

Once you get stabilized as long as you needed,

You always have a choice to tapper from there slowly.

You are punishing yourself which is not good and may lead you to more severe problems.

 

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bhasski

Thanks a lot.

I agree me being harsh on myself but I had carried it too long to go without allopathic medicines. 

What I see my new diseases given me as a part of those western medicines.

 

 

I am seeing a Ayurvedic doctor.  Its been a week and have taken 15 days of prescription. Still have not seen any benefits, but he has claimed big and charged a lot. May be I got conned again or not. 

 

I am trying to keep the option of Western meds closed as much as I can.

Wish me luck in this approach.

 

Anyways how u doing ?

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rupa

I was a person who ruminates on the incidents which happened right from the childhood.

I was a person of immense anger on few near and dear [mummy etc]for the unkind things they have done for themselves ,which affected my life.

I never forgave anyone f or not providing me proper care.

My brain had to bear so much.

That may be the reason ,I fell into paranoid thoughts while using Internet.

I was feared and unable to control my brain.

That is when I had to see the doctor.

He made me use risperidone but not warned me about CT and withdrawal effects.

My brain permanently damaged and I lost my sleep and developed REM sleep condition. 

After experiencing immense fear of medicines,Now I am settled with olanzapine 5m.g

Now I have forgiven near and dear.

I am actually meeting them and being with them in special occasions.

There is no sign of anger in me.

I am dealing with situations very wisely ,in a peaceful,positive way.

I am watching movies and listening to songs.

I am making friends , conversating with them,smiling and laughing.

No sign of rumination over past.

I am  getting very thin,ineffective dreams early in the morning and getting peaceful sleep.

If my brain heals with time,if dreams disappear,that is when I will start tapering olanzapine.

Thank you for asking.

I do not like you depending on luck,and not caring yourself in proper way.

ayurveda is for normal people.It is not for the people like us who suffered with allopathy.

anyways please take good care of yourself.

Life is to live peacefully.

 

 

 

 

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bhasski

@rupa

You sounded your earlier version like my present. I ruminate over issues and its difficult for me to forgive but its all exagerated after stopping meds. There was a time when I was going smooth.

I ruminate for short but learnt to let go.

 

I have taken olanzapine and beared various side effects earlier like weight gain .. in much abnormal sense .. definitely people started commenting.

 

It raises female hormones like Progesterone , so created weird issues for me as a male. Thats one more reason I stay away from it though I never how it will effect me now.

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bhasski

Also I dont know how long I can give myself for these alternate treatments.. 

 

I wish that this time Ayurveda work ...

Patanjali, haridwar  also did help me that it let me out of my bed and lessened physical issues .. but financially it was out for me as I had spent my all job savings on different futile so called therapies.

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rupa

bhasski

how much m.g of olanzapine you have used?

This site is recommending very low dose for reinstatement.

I guess,I am at low dose of olanzapine now,that is why it is working me without any side effects.

Also my psychiatrist gave me ,very low dose of pacitane which stops the side effects of olanzapine.

Which city in north India are you  living in?

I dont why your doctors prescribed you so many medicines.

 

 

 

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bhasski

Hi rupa,

I had taken pacitane too (2mg) 10 years back for writers cramp. It was a high euphoric time for me. 

I certainly remembered that pacitane made me happy.. excited .. but i stopped as I had nothing for my writing issue. It was Pune then.  I crashed after stopping it. I was naive and didn't know then what caused it. 

I live in Bharatpur right now .. Its a small town now . But I had taken most meds in Mumbai while working.  I had taken trust on doctor there coz seemingly  he was aged .. doing private practice and senior consultant to hospitals, speaker and head of NGO. But he did cause me  a havoc .  You never know of doctors and they have escape of everything.

 

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rupa

Yes bhasski

You are living in Rajasthan,what a beautiful state that you are living in.You are surrounded by beautiful forts and temples.I visited patanjali ,haridwar two years back as a pleasure trip.Do you know about Gayatri teerth shanti kunj of haridwar.They say at shanti kunj stay is free.Why dont you go shanti kunj type of places in India and live some time there to heal yourself.

 

I feel so much grief about the doctor who prescribed risperidone and didn't warn me not to stop CT.

How can a doctor so irresponsible about these kind of drugs.

But again my present doctor,who has understood the situation and saved me from coping with permanent brain damage.If he wont reinstate with low dose of olanzapine,god only knows how I would have survive with sleeplessness and dangerous dreams,left brain pain,breath stopping etc.

 

 

 

 

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bhasski

Have been to Gayatri ShaniKunj on the trip. Then I stayed at Patanjali Yoggram. I was suffering  and still now also don't find peace añd feelings.

Yoggram was a natural scenic but I consciously felt missing the pleasure.

 

I missed those feelings which come with cool breezes of monsoon .. rain .. spring .. morning sunshine .. If I say it comprises of unnoticeable pleasures that keep anyone going.

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powerback

Hi bhasski thought ide come to your thread and say hello .

ye these thoughts are horrible and the meds do twist our thinking ,the last year of them has turned me into a horrible demon ,like being posesed by the devil .some friends that know me 20 years are turning there back on me [but sod them i suppose ].

we need to actively find laughter and maybe watch the news less because i worry in withdrawl our brains are left open to being reprogrammed in a way to seek out horrible negativity .neuroplasticity in reverse so please be careful .I'm going to find some comedy soon myself .

Take care and oh i see you were on the devil venlafaxine also :angry:.

peace

PB

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bhasski
8 hours ago, powerback said:

Hi bhasski thought ide come to your thread and say hello .

ye these thoughts are horrible and the meds do twist our thinking ,the last year of them has turned me into a horrible demon ,like being posesed by the devil .some friends that know me 20 years are turning there back on me [but sod them i suppose ].

we need to actively find laughter and maybe watch the news less because i worry in withdrawl our brains are left open to being reprogrammed in a way to seek out horrible negativity .neuroplasticity in reverse so please be careful .I'm going to find some comedy soon myself .

Take care and oh i see you were on the devil venlafaxine also :angry:.

peace

PB

Thanks for posting.

Yes, I feel like possessed by bad thinking. Its like demons inside me. While I never believed such things earlier... but now there is a thought i try not to entertain.

 

 Laugher is miles away for me, when people laugh around, i don't get a gist... Instead the irritation of not laughing build up...

 

Waking up with such ruminants is more frustrating.. Each night I think .. it will be a next refreshing day... I will be better... But time moves and i remain still.

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powerback
1 hour ago, bhasski said:

Thanks for posting.

Yes, I feel like possessed by bad thinking. Its like demons inside me. While I never believed such things earlier... but now there is a thought i try not to entertain.

 

 Laugher is miles away for me, when people laugh around, i don't get a gist... Instead the irritation of not laughing build up...

 

Waking up with such ruminants is more frustrating.. Each night I think .. it will be a next refreshing day... I will be better... But time moves and i remain still.

Its horrible im exactly the same ,what in the world is it About these drugs that make the negativity into an actual character trait .

SJ said something interesting the other week about the neuro feelings and emtions ,its never nuero positive or happy emotions .

Im only geting a few hours without rumminations a week ,this is ridiculous .

But my quest to get better and show them dam ignorant doctors wrong  only grows so thats something .

 

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virgo43

Beloved friends our condition is rarely seen therefore nobody understands us. Some of my friends are supportive but most forgot about me.

How can a healthy person get neuropathy. How can a healthy person feel needles in spine and arms.  We must have taken illicit medications and hiding it.

Please read below.

http://www.thepillthatsteals.com/useful-information/

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powerback
39 minutes ago, virgo43 said:

Beloved friends our condition is rarely seen therefore nobody understands us. Some of my friends are supportive but most forgot about me.

How can a healthy person get neuropathy. How can a healthy person feel needles in spine and arms.  We must have taken illicit medications and hiding it.

Please read below.

http://www.thepillthatsteals.com/useful-information/

exactly virgo but its more ignored and dumbed down and buried from what I see but nothing will change until we stop going near medical doctors ,the only future is holistic and nutritional .if people are coming to this site for help in withdrawing from drugs and then in the future going back on them something is wrong .there needs to be  a massive approach taken to recovery and god only knows the damage these chemicals do to the brain .

PB

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bubble

There is a very important survey on drug WD at the moment. We might finally get some acknowledgement for all the suffering these drugs caused us.

 

Adding your experience would be very valuable. It only takes a few minutes. They extended it because they got so many replies after Alto mobilised our members here but the more people join, the more powerful we are.

 

I even invited my friends who are not on the forum and some of them were not even aware that what was happening to them was a WD... Every vote counts.

 

https://roehamptonpsych.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6gSHZN88sOmHDlr

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bhasski

@bubble

Is it the same survey? If it is,

I had completed it  more than a week ago.

I also want people and agencies to be aware about the damaged they had done and doing to innocents.

Moreover, I like doctors to feel the guilt for they are acting like puppets of ego and big pharma

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bubble

It is the same. The deadline got extended because so many of us took it. It is very hard to influence doctors.

 

They are also human and they believed they were doing their patients good as Pharma persuaded them. It will be very painful blow for their personal and professional arrogance to see the things for what they are...

 

Wishing you continued healing and recovery.

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bhasski

Thanks @bubble. I wish you same and hope we all heal and recover very soon. Its been a 2 year torture which is  still going on and the set back it has given is immense. I still dont know how to see it positively as people here say.

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