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Jaco2016

Has anyone decided that it was best for them to stay on meds indefinitely?

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Jaco2016   
Jaco2016

This may not be the best place to post this question but I'm going to try it here.

 

Currently I'm in the process w/d from celexa as my MD switched me CT to Wellbutrin after doing Genesight testing. I'm definitely never going back to celexa but I'm wondering if/when i will ever be able to get off Wellbutrin in the future.

 

A psychiatrist has told me that my "genes are loaded" with propensity for mental illness.

Indeed they are - one aunt, one grandma, and one great grandma with schizophrenia.

Two parents both with undiagnosed anxiety disorders. A brother and sister who are both hypochondriacs.

Myself I've felt like I've always had social anxiety but no psychosis. I always just dealt with it because I didn't know it was "abnormal." I sought meds when I had some mild depression in college from being unable to relax and overworking myself trying to get straight A's. I also met my fiancé at that time which caused severe general worry about the future. When I got my first job out of school I had my first panic attack. All that time I was off and on meds. Citalopram seemed to be the only thing to help until the side effects became intolerable. I had a bit of counseling but not enough I think, to learn how to cope with excessive worry, overworking myself, and inability to relax. Those are traits I would say I've always had!

 

Deep down I feel like getting off meds altogether is best but I'm not sure.. it's been 8+years on meds so I've almost forgotten what I what I felt lik before, and maybe scared to find out ! I may be a point on my life that I can devote more time to therapy and I feel like if someone can learn how to cope with withdrawal successfully than ironically maybe they can cope with the relatively less difficult challenge of what got them on meds in the first place.

 

Thanks for reading and thanks for your support!

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Jaco2016   
Jaco2016

I should also say that I do appreciate all the success stories that have been shared - I'm inspired by the perseverance and courage of those who are either trying to get off meds and those who have successfully gotten off meds.

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Mort81   
Mort81

It's a tough decision to make, because going off meds can be extremely hard even done the right slow way. It's usually not your old condition you need to be worried about. It's the WD symptoms that can be 100x worse and last months to Years. .

 

Flip side is what do these drugs do you longterm? What kinds of serious problems does a person run into for being on these drugs. It can be quite a list and obviously coming off sooner rather than later makes it easier,

although possibly not easy at all.

 

Another thing is some people come off meds fast and have no WD symptoms. In fact probably more people than not have an easy time coming off. Which is probably why so many people are misdiagnosed.

 

It's very complicated and hard. Some people have no choice but to stop from dangerous side effects. Once anybody decides to try one of these drugs they are taking a major risk. I could never recommend anybody ever take one of these pills. But once they start it, it gets complicated. If I could go back in time I'd have seen a naturopath and made several life style changes for my situational anxiety than have taken this horrible drug. We live and learn and unfortunately trust a corrupt system with a brainwashed doctor.

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Hibari   
Hibari

 My own experience tells me that when we override our body's signals that we are doing too much, that our body's start to shut down,  In my case, I over-rode my body telling me I was over working and fhsn over giving when I took care of my mom.   My nervous system and adrenals were shot and that's on top of a stressful upbringing that had me in a chronic state of stress.

 

Chronic stress, violence both physical and emotional, wear the body down.  It's my belief that when the body gets worn down, it eventually can't produce what it needs in order to function.  Every system gets taxed and that's when depression and anxiety occur.

 

I agree with you Mort, if I had been able to stop the madness of my life style and make changes in body, mind and spirit, I truly believe I could have avoided collapsing and then making the horrific but critical choice to go on meds to stop my mental free fall. 

 

I  now believe that healing happens both from the inside and outside.  Stabilizing the body, and then using what ever form of self-reflection that fits, to stop behavior that works against us.  The ultimate lesson for me is that my depressive episode caused me to face the very things I needed to face in order to have a better life. 

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powerback   
powerback

HI jaca,u make a very interesting point,my own situation at the moment is very worrying .

 

I have horrendous depression and other symptoms the last month that I didn't think was possible and I'm wondering about going on a different drug to stop this,I'm not happy at all with this possibility but it's so bad I can't look at people in the eye.

 

I wonder if I'm just to stubborn because I'm a huge critic of these drugs but the thoughts of years of this just isn't viable,I'm already 16 months putting up with it.(last few months the worst).

On a positive note I have great support .

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Tootsieroll   
Tootsieroll

powerback I would have to say 16 months was a pretty rough one for me. Maybe you can try something natural like Inositol. Pure Dark chocolate really helped me. It does get better.

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powerback   
powerback

Hi tootsieroll thanks a lot for the advice its much appreciated .I know ile b fine and well some day and being part of this community is a massive help .

I have great support so I'm calling on that a the moment and not pushing anyone away so I'm lucky .

I'm very big into juicing the last few weeks and I have a bar of dark chocolate 85% in the press ,think ile go get a square :)  

Take care

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Tootsieroll   
Tootsieroll

Keep up the self care and before you know it, a window will open wide for you. Slowly but surely. Good to hear of your support and i agree with you on having this great forum for support too. Been a lifesaver. *Cheers* with a piece of dark chocolate lol

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DrugfreeProf   
DrugfreeProf

Before you turn to meds, may I suggest you  try some or all of the natural remedies for depression:  exercise, mindfulness, meditation, magnesium, and cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, essential oils (bergamot, peppermint), EFT/tapping, and other non-drug strategies?  If you've not yet systematically given these a try, it is impossible to know how much improvement you could experience, and quite soon, if you give them a good shot.

The research suggests that most if not all of these are at least as effective, if not more effective, than an antidepressant and that much of the effects of these chemicals is due to placebo and to the numbing of emotions.  The primary effects are far from beneficial enough to override the risk of side effects, physical wear and tear, and of course, the possibility of severe protracted withdrawal.

There are a ton of resources on the net about all of the above.  Feel free to pm me for suggestions for specific programs or sites, if you'd like. Others on this board also are extremely savvy about these non-drug techniques.

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peng   
peng

My short answer to your question would be "yes".  

 

However, knowing what I know now, 40 years after first becoming ill, and having had some reasonable breaks from illness, I would suggest you firstly have thorough blood tests.

 

I believe that correcting a vitamin or mineral deficiency after 12 years of chaotic shift work in a busy environment may have saved me from being put on a benzo then antidepressants a long time ago.

 

Blood tests last year showed I had a Folic Acid deficiency and I did recover somewhat when I was prescribed this B vitamin.

 

This site is excellent for examining what is possible for some, and what the latest views on lots of relevent stuff are.  Also, nearly everyone has "been there".

 

Love and best wishes in your quest.

 

.

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Jaco2016   
Jaco2016

Before you turn to meds, may I suggest you  try some or all of the natural remedies for depression:  exercise, mindfulness, meditation, magnesium, and cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, essential oils (bergamot, peppermint), EFT/tapping, and other non-drug strategies?  If you've not yet systematically given these a try, it is impossible to know how much improvement you could experience, and quite soon, if you give them a good shot.

The research suggests that most if not all of these are at least as effective, if not more effective, than an antidepressant and that much of the effects of these chemicals is due to placebo and to the numbing of emotions.  The primary effects are far from beneficial enough to override the risk of side effects, physical wear and tear, and of course, the possibility of severe protracted withdrawal.

There are a ton of resources on the net about all of the above.  Feel free to pm me for suggestions for specific programs or sites, if you'd like. Others on this board also are extremely savvy about these non-drug techniques.

Hi Silverstar thanks for your post.  Since posting my original message about considering staying on drugs I've begun to taper off wellbutrin. I think I got over the dizziness from the Celexa withdrawal so I think I feel well enough do try to get off WB.   Definitely reading CBT every day, and trying to use the various techniques.  Also doing exercise as able, juicing, oils, meditation, prayer.   Seems to be helping so far but feel so dumpy and apathetic on some days. But when I feel dumpy usually if I just do something, anything, I can distract myself and feel better, even if only temporarily. Thanks!

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DrugfreeProf   
DrugfreeProf

Jaco2016-- That's great that you are already working with non-drug techniques. I'm sure they are sometimes difficult if not impossible to do.

Sometimes the suffering gets in the way of our doing the very things that would help ease some of our suffering!

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Squeak   
Squeak

I can attest to the benefits of EFT tapping. I started it a couple of years ago, and it helps with anxiety. Especially the "collarbone " tapping point. Sometimes I use that one for anxiety in the moment. Part of its usefulness is that you almost have to slow down your breathing to get into a rhythm of tapping. For pain, it seems to take longer. Definitely the mindfulness it takes is part of the equation. I am currently trying it for nerve pain and have had a bit of success.

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TeaBea   
TeaBea

Blood tests last year showed I had a Folic Acid deficiency and I did recover somewhat when I was prescribed this B vitamin.

.

 

Peng:  You might want to consider a DNA test and run the data through a "health" site (like genetic genie or strategene, etc.) to determine any gene mutations that might be affecting your methylation.  If you were low on Folic Acid, you might instead need FOLATE (there is a difference).  I've just ordered tests for my husband (he's in protracted w/d from Effexor) to see if we might need different nutritional support for his DNA makeup.  

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Lilu   
Lilu

After going through an excruciating withdrawal, I had no choice but to return to taking an antidepressant. I don't see how I can ever get off of it. And have no idea what I'll do if it stops working. 

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Tootsieroll   
Tootsieroll

After going through an excruciating withdrawal, I had no choice but to return to taking an antidepressant. I don't see how I can ever get off of it. And have no idea what I'll do if it stops working. 

 

Lilu- Like you, I believed I would never be able to get off after my many cold turkeys.  But here I am, 3 years later and at the threshold of healing.  I can almost taste what it's like to be me again.  I don't know what I would have done if I didn't decide to get back on, stabilize and then commence the slowest taper for two years.  I hit a snag with benzo withdrawal which probably played a huge part in my waiting 3 years to heal post taper but I was able to feel functional with that slow taper.  Regardless, you will heal.  Like we all will.

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compsports   
compsports

Knowing what I now know, I would have engaged in a micro taper since I had been on a cocktail of meds for years.   I greatly underestimated the impact these drugs had on my body as a year before I finished my "slow" taper, I had mysterious narcoleptic like sleep attacks that never resolved.   

 

And at any point during my taper, if I had felt like I was fully functional, I would have held for as long as I felt I had a good quality of life.    Because that is alot more important vs. whether someone is on meds or not.

 

Because of my recent lymphoma diagnosis which I wonder was due to my impaired immune system due to lack of sleep, obviously, I have done alot of second guessing.  I know, I shouldn't do it but I am only human.

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powerback   
powerback

I'm having a torturous dilemma of thinking of upping my dose because of such terrible symptoms ,I don't believe for one second I need them for a so called chemical Imbalance ,the simple fact that there poison ,I didn't get past 16 days recently of only 2 beads  out ,to me this is a joke,im nearly loosing my mind because of this ,I don't even believe its a wave ,I worry this is permanent .

 

my whole life is hanging by a thread because of this ,my partner and especially my mother are basically grieving for a breathing person ,this is disgusting .

I can barely handle going out in public because of my excruciating noise sensitivity and irritability and emotionally unstable .

 

apologies for the Sinicism but I'm just so dam angry .

peace to everyone .       

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Lilu   
Lilu

I'm having a torturous dilemma of thinking of upping my dose because of such terrible symptoms ,I don't believe for one second I need them for a so called chemical Imbalance ,the simple fact that there poison ,I didn't get past 16 days recently of only 2 beads  out ,to me this is a joke,im nearly loosing my mind because of this ,I don't even believe its a wave ,I worry this is permanent .

 

my whole life is hanging by a thread because of this ,my partner and especially my mother are basically grieving for a breathing person ,this is disgusting .

I can barely handle going out in public because of my excruciating noise sensitivity and irritability and emotionally unstable .

 

apologies for the Sinicism but I'm just so dam angry .

peace to everyone .       

 

Your question should probably be posted on your own thread. 

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Tootsieroll   
Tootsieroll

I'm having a torturous dilemma of thinking of upping my dose because of such terrible symptoms ,I don't believe for one second I need them for a so called chemical Imbalance ,the simple fact that there poison ,I didn't get past 16 days recently of only 2 beads out ,to me this is a joke,im nearly loosing my mind because of this ,I don't even believe its a wave ,I worry this is permanent .

 

my whole life is hanging by a thread because of this ,my partner and especially my mother are basically grieving for a breathing person ,this is disgusting .

I can barely handle going out in public because of my excruciating noise sensitivity and irritability and emotionally unstable .

 

apologies for the Sinicism but I'm just so dam angry .

peace to everyone .

Your story sounds so familiar to one I read yeArs ago on another forum. I believe they were taking zoloft. It was the same scenario where they literally could not handle even the removal of one pellet. I can't quite remember whether they decided on a liquid taper. All I know is they did eventually complete the taper. So keep the faith going.

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powerback   
powerback

 

I'm having a torturous dilemma of thinking of upping my dose because of such terrible symptoms ,I don't believe for one second I need them for a so called chemical Imbalance ,the simple fact that there poison ,I didn't get past 16 days recently of only 2 beads out ,to me this is a joke,im nearly loosing my mind because of this ,I don't even believe its a wave ,I worry this is permanent .

 

my whole life is hanging by a thread because of this ,my partner and especially my mother are basically grieving for a breathing person ,this is disgusting .

I can barely handle going out in public because of my excruciating noise sensitivity and irritability and emotionally unstable .

 

apologies for the Sinicism but I'm just so dam angry .

peace to everyone .

Your story sounds so familiar to one I read yeArs ago on another forum. I believe they were taking zoloft. It was the same scenario where they literally could not handle even the removal of one pellet. I can't quite remember whether they decided on a liquid taper. All I know is they did eventually complete the taper. So keep the faith going.

 

 

Thanks tootsieroll for your kind encouragement

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powerback   
powerback

 

I'm having a torturous dilemma of thinking of upping my dose because of such terrible symptoms ,I don't believe for one second I need them for a so called chemical Imbalance ,the simple fact that there poison ,I didn't get past 16 days recently of only 2 beads  out ,to me this is a joke,im nearly loosing my mind because of this ,I don't even believe its a wave ,I worry this is permanent .

 

my whole life is hanging by a thread because of this ,my partner and especially my mother are basically grieving for a breathing person ,this is disgusting .

I can barely handle going out in public because of my excruciating noise sensitivity and irritability and emotionally unstable .

 

apologies for the Sinicism but I'm just so dam angry .

peace to everyone .       

 

Your question should probably be posted on your own thread. 

 

 

Thanks lilu will do

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Jaco2016   
Jaco2016

I'm seriously struggling today - I have a job opportunity that a few years ago I would have considered a dream job. Today however because of continued struggle with anhedonia, anxiety and depression I can't see myself surviving in the environment of this job and I'm angry at myself for that. This job opportunity is a rare one - I was told they haven't hired for it in 10 years. I don't llove my current job

and I don't know if I'll ever be able to leave! At least my current job is low demand and low stress but it's also somewhat slow and boring.

 

I have applied for this new job and have an interview scheduled. But I've already told myself that I'm not ready for it without even having stepped into the building for an interview. I almost wish I never found out about this job at this time during my withdrawal and depression. I'm also an introvert by nature and this dream job would be tough but not impossible for my personality type but probably very draining because of lots of social interaction. It also likely wouldn't pay any more than what I make now. But if I did/could take the job then it could be a bolster to my self confidence and it would be in a field that I used to love (before the anhedonia).

 

My wife thinks that the change in environment may be good for my recovery but I'm not so sure given the high demands of the new job.

Thanks for letting me vent - who knows maybe I won't get the offer even and all this worry will have been for naught.

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Jaco2016   
Jaco2016

After going through an excruciating withdrawal, I had no choice but to return to taking an antidepressant. I don't see how I can ever get off of it. And have no idea what I'll do if it stops working.

 

How long was your withdrawal? Are you trying any therapy? Sorry you had to go back on them. I'm two months off them now and I think about going back on them often. I wasn't happy being on them but I felt comfortable enough. Now being off them I'm uncomfortable, anxious, depressed. I found a good therapist and he thinks that it's highly likely that my depression is from the withdrawal. I feel like he's right because my symptoms seem to be SLOWLY improving but it's so slow. The one nice thing about being off them, for me at least, is being forced to confront how I think (pessimistic) and trying to change that. Being on the meds I never felt the need to try and change my thinking because I just didn't feel the need to.

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Lilu   
Lilu

 

After going through an excruciating withdrawal, I had no choice but to return to taking an antidepressant. I don't see how I can ever get off of it. And have no idea what I'll do if it stops working.

How long was your withdrawal? Are you trying any therapy? Sorry you had to go back on them. I'm two months off them now and I think about going back on them often. I wasn't happy being on them but I felt comfortable enough. Now being off them I'm uncomfortable, anxious, depressed. I found a good therapist and he thinks that it's highly likely that my depression is from the withdrawal. I feel like he's right because my symptoms seem to be SLOWLY improving but it's so slow. The one nice thing about being off them, for me at least, is being forced to confront how I think (pessimistic) and trying to change that. Being on the meds I never felt the need to try and change my thinking because I just didn't feel the need to.

 

I started going through "tolerance withdrawal" (a term psychiatrists don't recognize) while I was still on Pristiq, around November of 2012; by March I switch over to Lexapro, and a month later started my taper. So for 2 years I was in withdrawal while on and tapering medication. It was bad, real bad, but what happened to me after I had finished my taper was no comparison.  I went into severe withdrawal which became increasingly worse and didn't get better until I resumed Lexapro.  However, it was not a drug free withdrawal because I started taking Ambien and Klonopin for sleep. I also tried many other psychiatric drugs during this time, prescribed by my psychiatrist, drugs that only made me worse.  I was desperate because I couldn't sleep at all. And I had uncontrollable crying spells for hours and hours every day.  I was also under a lot of stress because I got involved with a man who also had withdrawal and mental issues.

As for therapy, during withdrawal, seeing my therapist caused me more harm than good.  I don't recommend it. In fact, after it became clear to me that I had developed PTSD, I knew that I needed to stop seeing all psychiatrists and therapist or going to group therapy, because talking about all that happened to me, only triggered me and prevented my healing.  It was the right decision.  I distracted myself by watching lots of TV in the quiet calm of my apartment. I even stopped writing in my journal, something I've done since I was 15.  It was best not to think about the horrors of the past year.

 

About being pessimistic and negative. Yes, I can relate to that.  But unlike you, I've done self-help courses, read books, gone to therapy, tried meditation, and 12 step groups, to become more positive and happier. I was convinced that it was my beliefs and that I could learn to control my thoughts.  I was never very successful with any of it.  When at the height of a depressive episode, and after crying over a relationship for 2 months, I was given Effexor xr.  Within two weeks, my negative thoughts went away, I stopped crying, and started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. That's when I realized that it's all chemical, and that I have no choice but to stay on this medication. If a drug could do in two weeks, what I tried to do for 17 years, through therapy, then my mental issues were chemical and could only be fixed by a drug.

In retrospect, I regret this decision.  I would have gotten better if my doctor realized that what I needed was some CBT therapy and not a drug, and that my crying over this man was temporary and not permanent.  I know, I would have gotten better.  

So, this is a complicated issue - drugs vs therapy. I do believe that you do have to be stable in order to do therapy. I always say, "You can't do physical therapy on a broken leg."   Therapy is hard work, and you have to be emotionally stable enough to handle what comes up.  I don't recommend engaging in it while the body is still going through withdrawal.  But it is a good idea if you've never faced your inner demons and learned how to handle your negative thoughts.

With me, I think it's more than just patterns of negative thinking, it's thoughts of death that always seem to linger just below the surface, an emptiness, loneliness, fear.  The thing is that I managed it all before medication made my depression chronic and I'm afraid irreversible.

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Jaco2016   
Jaco2016

I started having a random crying episode last night and feeling like crap today on verge of crying at any moment here

at work. I haven't had a crying spelllike this since getting off the drugs two months ago. When the hell does this end? I don't know what to do!!

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Lilu   
Lilu

I started having a random crying episode last night and feeling like crap today on verge of crying at any moment here

at work. I haven't had a crying spelllike this since getting off the drugs two months ago. When the hell does this end? I don't know what to do!!

It's common for withdrawal to have a delayed onset, often triggered by stress.  Dr. Shipko calls this Tardive Dysthimia or Tardive Akathisia, I think.  For me, the uncontrollable crying spells were awful, and wouldn't go away. But I complicated my case by throwing meds at the problem.  I'd say, just give it time, and start employing deep breathing and other calming techniques. Notice what kind of thoughts were passing thought your mind, right before you burst into tears.  Apply the CBT method of the 3 C's: Catch-Check-Change.  The negative thoughts will be magnified, and your reaction to them extreme.  If you do catch a negative thought, check to see how true it really is, then think of a positive, more hopeful but realistic thought to replace the negative thought with.

Hang in there, it'll be a bumpy ride.

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Looking4peace   
Looking4peace

Such a great forum with amazing ideas and tips!

I too suffer from withdrawal from Effexor, i'am over 1 year off and the symptoms have gotten worse. MAJOR anxiety, crying spells, OCD, fear of future, anger of past decisions. When in a wave doing things that have helped me in the past are nearly impossible to do. My body shuts things out, where I could rationalize and "make deals" with my mind, I just shut everything and everyone out. It's like my body is craving the depression and misery. I continually question whether I should go back on the medication poison, EVEN AFTER MY PROZAC experience at 10 months out. I am constantly searching for a quick fix. This Wave has been the longest and most severe I have had since the beginning. I was hoping it would get easier, but it has been just awful for me.

If anyone else has some similar experience that could help me through this, I'm willing to try anything.

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JanCarol   
JanCarol

I used to think that I'd be on drugs for life.  "Bipolar," you know.  The scenario when a "bipolar" goes off  her meds is not pretty.

 

People looked at me like I was mad, when I talked about tapering.  Even though I said I was doing it slowly, sensibly, with the support of my psychiatrist, psychologist and acupuncturist - people got nervous about this.

 

There can be changes made in the brain that make it easier to stay on the drugs.  I had about 3 years of trying to get off Wellbutrin and was beginning to think it impossible (I was able to get off it with Effexor and Mirtazapine - I don't recommend that!)

 

But - even with the changes the drugs have made to my brain - even if it's "damage" (I hate that word) - I prefer to have access to my mind, my feelings.  

 

Wellbutrin is kin to speed - the long term consequences of taking speed is going to be very draining on the endocrine system.  The long term consequences of all of these drugs have the potential to affect all the system.

 

For my friends who want to stay on indefinitely (I have a few) I recommend:

  • Lowest doses possible
  • Preferably less than 6 months treatment (I just saw a quote on Paxil that each week of exposure led to more severe effects when trying to taper, from this excellent article in the Guardian:  https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/may/06/dont-know-who-am-antidepressant-long-term-use
  • Learn non-drug techniques, so that you have a toolkit for when the drug goes south (it will - you might get 5, 10, 20, 30 years - but it will eventually go south)
  • Prepare - when the drug goes south - it's time to taper.  Don't switch, don't increase - taper.  And learn to deal with your moods and behaviours yourself.  
  • Sometimes as we get older, we're less volatile.  Maybe you can just age past all the dramas that put you on the drugs in the first place.

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joy2730   
joy2730

What sensible advice.  I was deemed bipolar at one stage, but got myself off sodium valproate and lithium and now am trying to reduce citalopram.

 

At 58 I now feel too old to believe all that I read and see about antidepressants being good, and am willing to try life without pills.

 

I suppose I am no longer fearful of the future, as there is definitely less of it now, and life has taught me what is important and what isn't, and without access to my own brain life isn't that brilliant anyway.

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peng   
peng

joy730 said,

 

"...I suppose I am no longer fearful of the future, as there is definitely less of it now, and life has taught me what is important and what isn't, and without access to my own brain life isn't that brilliant anyway."

 

Nicely put, joy2730.

Best wishes.

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Nelly   
Nelly

But what do you do when you have tried many alternative remedies and life style changes, but you still can't cope with the depression and the anxiety? The brain fog? The dread? Feeling that you can't go on any longer, and don't want to go on any longer? I am back on citralopam after nearly 6 months without antidepressants. I tapered off Prozac 20mg over a 5 month period. I had low periods and anxiety and times when I couldn't cope when on Prozac, but I did have some good days. So could it be that this is the "real" me while I was off AD? Did the Prozac provide me with the strength that I would never normally have? The only alternative for me other than taking AD is to live a very lonely life of hell. I could choose to be free of all responsibility, live an isolated life, free from pressure and demands. Or I could take AD and "appear" to cope better, go to work, pay my bills, attempt to build new relationships and have a fairly decent life. I have never had a supportive and understanding family and friends. I suppose to others I just appeared to be an over sensitive person, who had the occasional "bad time".

I'm confused.

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Jaco2016   
Jaco2016

But what do you do when you have tried many alternative remedies and life style changes, but you still can't cope with the depression and the anxiety? The brain fog? The dread? Feeling that you can't go on any longer, and don't want to go on any longer? I am back on citralopam after nearly 6 months without antidepressants. I tapered off Prozac 20mg over a 5 month period. I had low periods and anxiety and times when I couldn't cope when on Prozac, but I did have some good days. So could it be that this is the "real" me while I was off AD? Did the Prozac provide me with the strength that I would never normally have? The only alternative for me other than taking AD is to live a very lonely life of hell. I could choose to be free of all responsibility, live an isolated life, free from pressure and demands. Or I could take AD and "appear" to cope better, go to work, pay my bills, attempt to build new relationships and have a fairly decent life. I have never had a supportive and understanding family and friends. I suppose to others I just appeared to be an over sensitive person, who had the occasional "bad time".

I'm confused.

Hi Nelly I feel your pain!! I think very much like you do and have often thought about going back on Citalopram . It's funny because Citalopram is the only drug out of several that seemed to help with my anxiety and depression despite it being a "red light" drug for me (according to Genesight testing red light drugs cause more side effects based on your genetic makeup ). Luckily I have a fairly easy job that I don't love but pays the bills. But I don't know if, drug free, I'll be able to go onto another more fulfilling job. Who knows maybe I will , I don't know. I wouldn't beat yourself up too bad for going back on Citalopram. If you can live with the side effects and feel like you're getting more fulfillment from life I say go for it. Maybe try another time to taper if side effects get too bad. Can you list some of the things you've tried ? How much St. John's wort did you take? Try CBT? Meditation, other?

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Nelly   
Nelly

Hello thank you so much for your message. Regarding the St. John's wart; to be honest, I don't know how much as in strength, that the therapist makes up for me! She just mixes it up for me which includes lemon balm and rosemary; a medicine. She is a plant spirit therapist; I get to talk to her for about three quarter of an hour and she is very understanding, reassuring and nurturing. Something that I have never had. She then does her spiritual bit. I don't think it has helped me much or the medicine, but she is lovely and understanding but costs me £25 a time, which is costly for some reassurance and nurturing. Having said that she has taught me to be more kind to myself and helped me realise that the way I am feeling is not my fault. She has also made me realise how "lovely" I am!

I take multivitamin and minerals, omega 3 and magnesium; these are what is called " food state" so apparently are more effective and expensive! I have followed a fairly strict anti candida diet, go swimming 3 times a week and walk my dog twice a day. I avoid alcohol. I listen to relaxing music. I have tried mindfulness but can't seem to "get into it". That's it really, just me trying hard to do the right things but mentally I am struggling. Physically, during the time I was off AD i have never felt better!!! Hopefully this will continue, I haven't tried CBT, only read a book about it. Perhaps I'm not seeking enough through talking therapies?

Maybe I expect too much of myself. I have never felt good enough even when people have told me different. Always feeling I need to give 150%. I suppose it has exhausted me.

I appreciate your words and yes your right, once I am "stable" and only if the time is right, I can try again. Thank you, this site has become my friend ❤️

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Jaco2016   
Jaco2016

Hello thank you so much for your message. Regarding the St. John's wart; to be honest, I don't know how much as in strength, that the therapist makes up for me! She just mixes it up for me which includes lemon balm and rosemary; a medicine. She is a plant spirit therapist; I get to talk to her for about three quarter of an hour and she is very understanding, reassuring and nurturing. Something that I have never had. She then does her spiritual bit. I don't think it has helped me much or the medicine, but she is lovely and understanding but costs me £25 a time, which is costly for some reassurance and nurturing. Having said that she has taught me to be more kind to myself and helped me realise that the way I am feeling is not my fault. She has also made me realise how "lovely" I am!

I take multivitamin and minerals, omega 3 and magnesium; these are what is called " food state" so apparently are more effective and expensive! I have followed a fairly strict anti candida diet, go swimming 3 times a week and walk my dog twice a day. I avoid alcohol. I listen to relaxing music. I have tried mindfulness but can't seem to "get into it". That's it really, just me trying hard to do the right things but mentally I am struggling. Physically, during the time I was off AD i have never felt better!!! Hopefully this will continue, I haven't tried CBT, only read a book about it. Perhaps I'm not seeking enough through talking therapies?

Maybe I expect too much of myself. I have never felt good enough even when people have told me different. Always feeling I need to give 150%. I suppose it has exhausted me.

I appreciate your words and yes your right, once I am "stable" and only if the time is right, I can try again. Thank you, this site has become my friend ❤️

Sounds like you're doing some great things. I like David Burns's book Feeling Good. You can get it at any library. I actually bought it and downloaded onto my phone so I can refer to it whenever I need it. For example today I went to have dinner at my parents house. Before I even walked in I started to feel depressed without actually knowing why. When I got a second to break away I looked at my phone under the different "cognitive distortions" that the author lists (I have them bookmarked). I realized that part of the reason I was feeling down was that right before I got to their house I was thinking how to explain how lousy my job interview this past week went and I was subconsciously telling myself that the experience of telling them would be depressing and they wouldn't understand. Funny because I really wasn't even aware that I was telling myself that. Turns out I was making the "fortune teller error." Telling them wasn't as bad as I thought and they were very understanding. I definitely have a lot more to work on before this becomes a habit and I don't have to refer to the book but it is progress ! And I don't claim this book will solve all of my problems but it has helped for sure. I cut and paste from the book below. Definitely agree with you about this site! Definitely a godsend !

“b. The Fortune Teller Error. You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an already-established fact.”

 

Excerpt From: David D. Burns, M.D. “Feeling Good.” HarperCollins. iBooks.

This material may be protected by copyright.

 

 

 

Check out this book on the iBooks Store: https://itun.es/us/Ku5iI.l

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Jaco2016   
Jaco2016

Hello thank you so much for your message. Regarding the St. John's wart; to be honest, I don't know how much as in strength, that the therapist makes up for me! She just mixes it up for me which includes lemon balm and rosemary; a medicine. She is a plant spirit therapist; I get to talk to her for about three quarter of an hour and she is very understanding, reassuring and nurturing. Something that I have never had. She then does her spiritual bit. I don't think it has helped me much or the medicine, but she is lovely and understanding but costs me £25 a time, which is costly for some reassurance and nurturing. Having said that she has taught me to be more kind to myself and helped me realise that the way I am feeling is not my fault. She has also made me realise how "lovely" I am!

I take multivitamin and minerals, omega 3 and magnesium; these are what is called " food state" so apparently are more effective and expensive! I have followed a fairly strict anti candida diet, go swimming 3 times a week and walk my dog twice a day. I avoid alcohol. I listen to relaxing music. I have tried mindfulness but can't seem to "get into it". That's it really, just me trying hard to do the right things but mentally I am struggling. Physically, during the time I was off AD i have never felt better!!! Hopefully this will continue, I haven't tried CBT, only read a book about it. Perhaps I'm not seeking enough through talking therapies?

Maybe I expect too much of myself. I have never felt good enough even when people have told me different. Always feeling I need to give 150%. I suppose it has exhausted me.

I appreciate your words and yes your right, once I am "stable" and only if the time is right, I can try again. Thank you, this site has become my friend ❤️

 

Also maybe if you tried St. John's wort capsules so you could experiment with different doses?? Web MD cites research with people taking anywhere between 300-1800mg per day in various studies. so I figure if I start with 300mg,3x /day (typical adult dose) and after a month that's not quite doing it then maybe bumping up until it feels like it's working better, up to 1800mg. I believe the risks of photosensitivity increases between 2-4000 mg so I wouldn't use any more than 1800mg. I'm gonna try it and see how it goes

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