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DaveyPete

Losing hope

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alchemist

 

 

 Hi TeaBea, thank you for sharing this valuable insight. Would you mind if I post it in our Facebook group?

 

 

 

Sure, alchemist.  

 

What's the link to your FB group?  If one posts there, it's obviously under their real name FB account--can it be seen by ANYONE else (my "Friends") other than within the actual group? 

 

 

The only people who will be able to see it are the ones who are in the group. Would you like to post it yourself? Here is the link: http://facebook.com/groups/mdbad

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TeaBea

You can go ahead and post it, alchemist.  Thanks for the link, but I clicked it and could then see a list of members' names.  Can that be hidden from non-members such as myself?  

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ChessieCat

I have just done a check.  It is not visible to the public if you click on the link if you are not signed into FB.  If you are signed in then it does display the members.

 

To correct this the FB owner needs to go into security setting and change them so it is not visible to everyone.

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Mermaid17

I just have to share that even though my husband is not tapering, his mood is certainly all over the place. March is a notoriously difficult time for folks with mood disorders. He was totally out of it last night, but much perkier today. Short with the baby yesterday, but super into all three kids today. Also I realized he's losing his hair. It's a rare side-effect from SSRIs but he has a TON of thick black hair, but I noticed a patch missing in the fall . . . and now realize he was shedding a lot more last summer, and is now starting to have much thinner hair in general. Maybe this PHYSICAL manifestation of a side-effect will mean more than the intangible mood and emotional ones . . . Thanks for listening. 

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Konjo

I just have to share that even though my husband is not tapering, his mood is certainly all over the place. March is a notoriously difficult time for folks with mood disorders. He was totally out of it last night, but much perkier today. Short with the baby yesterday, but super into all three kids today. Also I realized he's losing his hair. It's a rare side-effect from SSRIs but he has a TON of thick black hair, but I noticed a patch missing in the fall . . . and now realize he was shedding a lot more last summer, and is now starting to have much thinner hair in general. Maybe this PHYSICAL manifestation of a side-effect will mean more than the intangible mood and emotional ones . . . Thanks for listening. 

 

Mermaid, in our case I used list from this site:

 

http://www.theroadback.org/lexapro_side_effects.aspx

 

There are lists for SSRI\SNRI other drugs as well.

 

one of it is:

Lexapro side effects

Alopecia - The loss of hair or baldness.

 

Maybe you can find more side-effects that your husband has?

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Mermaid17

Konjo, thank you for this website! I hadn't found it yet and hope it proves helpful. I'm interested in perhaps the Emsam transdermal patch. It's an MAOI, the original class of antidepressant, and from what I've read might be a much smarter drug than SSRIs. It leaves dopamine alone. The patch means far fewer risks for side effects and apparently hardly ever results in sexual side effects. Again, thank you for the info. Perhaps your love will have an awakening at some point . . . I've also read that the relationships people wind up in in the aftermath of these drugs often don't last. 

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Konjo

Konjo, [...] Perhaps your love will have an awakening at some point . . . I've also read that the relationships people wind up in in the aftermath of these drugs often don't last. 

We are not together for more than 3 years. She got married in 2015. I guess this is quite similar situation to Dewayne's story... This is not the same person and SSRI made lasting effects of her. UI guess Celexa / Lexapro.

 

Right now I'm just glad that she not commited suicide and I guess her new husband is not a jerk as her others boyfriends after me were...

 

 

Single Dose Of Antidepressant Lexapro Can Change Brain's Wiring In Just 3 Hours:

http://www.medicaldaily.com/single-dose-antidepressant-lexapro-can-change-brains-wiring-just-3-hours-303932

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Dawood

Don't give up, Dawood! People can come back after years on that stuff. Your wife just needs some time perhaps.

Hi RachelE - so sorry that I missed this before.

 

Thank you so much for the encouragement, it means a lot!

 

This is definitely the scariest and most variable roller coaster ride I've ever been on. Still holding on for now - barely - but still here.

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sadandconfused

ChessieCat,

I'm sorry I know you wrote a reply towards my message a few days ago and now I can't find :/ I must have been deleted on accident or something. But thank you for your reply! The depression and pain got so bad around the 5th or 6th month. Literally so bad, I couldn't even function right and I take it that was from the withdrawal. I was crying multiple times a day, it was so bad. So I went back to my dr and reinstated 5 mg of lexapro and took that for 3 months and now I'm tapering down 10% each month. I really hope I'm doing this right cause I don't wanna mess things up even more. Today has been a little rough. I'm feeling emotional and lost. My intrusive thoughts are getting the best of me and sometimes I just feel like the feelings aren't coming back, but I know I can't give up. The only thing I want is to love him again as much as I once did. How did you deal with it when you lost feelings? Again thank you to everyone on here. You're the only ones who make me feel hope and keep me from losing it.

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Mermaid17

Hi sadandconfused,

Been thinking about you and hoping your taper is going well and that you haven't lost hope for your feelings. I wandered over to the other forum you are on and agree that your determination and hope that the feelings come back MEANS SO MUCH. I am curious how you are able to taper 10 percent a month off of 5 mg of Lexapro . . . do you cut the pill into tiny pieces? I thought they only came in 5 mg doses at the smallest dose . . . My husband is on 20, and still unwilling to taper. Hoping your insight will be needed soon, though. 

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mylifeisback

I didn't read all of your stories because I just found this. But for all of you time and patience and lots of time and lots of patience is what you need. When you go cold turkey off of these medications it doesn't take weeks for your partners to become themselves again it takes months and years the brain has to come back it's not something that's done overnight. I find more and more stories with the same patterns these pills change who the people are I held it against my husband now for 4 years and I see now that it was not him that did all those things. My husband was taken away from me when he started the pills and he came back for years after finishing them

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sadandconfused

 

Hi sadandconfused,

Been thinking about you and hoping your taper is going well and that you haven't lost hope for your feelings. I wandered over to the other forum you are on and agree that your determination and hope that the feelings come back MEANS SO MUCH. I am curious how you are able to taper 10 percent a month off of 5 mg of Lexapro . . . do you cut the pill into tiny pieces? I thought they only came in 5 mg doses at the smallest dose . . . My husband is on 20, and still unwilling to taper. Hoping your insight will be needed soon, though.

 

Aww thank you so much! That means so much to me!! How are you doing? Honestly there are some days that I'm so so scared the feelings won't return. I seriously get sick thinking about it. But I'm still holding on as awful as this has been. I actually found a YouTube video where they made a liquid form out of the pill! It sounds crazy but it really has worked for me so far. I got a syringe medicine dropper online. I can put the link to the video of you want! And I'm gonna continue to pray for you and your husband <3 I know it's a living hell. The horror and mental pain of this has been unlike anything I've ever felt before. This is without a doubt the worst thing I've ever been through. It's been a nightmare and I know you guys are going through the same thing. Somedays I'm in such a panic and saying these feelings aren't coming back, it's just time to move on. But then I'll look back at old pictures and think of all the amazing times we had. Ugh I'm crying as I'm typing this. It's so hard

Edited by ChessieCat
Extracted response from quote

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Mermaid17

My children are starting to really become affected by his leaving. My son, who is 7, has broken down a number of times this week. My husband insists he considered their pain upon "making his decision" but I KNOW there's no way he really could understand what this would do to them. Because if he were capable of understanding that pain, he would have done ALL he could to avoid this, for them, and he did nothing. It's not his fault. He isn't equipped to have understood what this does to anyone else. 

 

I'm writing this, sadandconfused, because I have told my son a number of times this week that sometimes the things in life that seem like the biggest tragedies turn out to be the biggest blessings. I believe that. And you know what my best personal example of that is? When I lost MY feelings on that birth control pill. I could NEVER make sense of it other than a tragedy, something that only added stress and heartache. Now I believe it was an experience that is allowing me to understand what's happening to my husband in a way that would be impossible without having lived in that hell for a while. Without that understanding I would be truly hopeless. It was horrible to live through but I believe it served a greater good. Hang in there. That you weep as you write about it shows you are having FEELINGS about it! That's a good thing. Sending you big, healing hugs. Please post that YouTube video . . . God willing we'll need it one day.

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sadandconfused

My children are starting to really become affected by his leaving. My son, who is 7, has broken down a number of times this week. My husband insists he considered their pain upon "making his decision" but I KNOW there's no way he really could understand what this would do to them. Because if he were capable of understanding that pain, he would have done ALL he could to avoid this, for them, and he did nothing. It's not his fault. He isn't equipped to have understood what this does to anyone else.

 

I'm writing this, sadandconfused, because I have told my son a number of times this week that sometimes the things in life that seem like the biggest tragedies turn out to be the biggest blessings. I believe that. And you know what my best personal example of that is? When I lost MY feelings on that birth control pill. I could NEVER make sense of it other than a tragedy, something that only added stress and heartache. Now I believe it was an experience that is allowing me to understand what's happening to my husband in a way that would be impossible without having lived in that hell for a while. Without that understanding I would be truly hopeless. It was horrible to live through but I believe it served a greater good. Hang in there. That you weep as you write about it shows you are having FEELINGS about it! That's a good thing. Sending you big, healing hugs. Please post that YouTube video . . . God willing we'll need it one day.

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry for all of you. That hurts my heart to hear that :( but you're exactly right! I know this is obvious but one thing that helps me is looking back at old pictures and seeing how happy I was with him. It doesn't take the pain away but it does give me hope that the feelings are still inside somewhere and they WILL return. Sorry if I already asked you this but can you tell me about how long it took for you to start feeling again? And yes it's so hard to see it as anything other than a tragedy but I do know that when I get past this I'll never take anything for granted and be the best wife ever!! Lol I know it's not a joking matter at all but seriously. I'll spend years making it up to my boyfriend after putting him through all this. Thank you so much! Sending big hugs to you and your family as well!

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Mermaid17

It took a few months for me to not be in a constant state of anxiety/no feelings, but it took about 5 years for me to feel "normal." I know that's not what you want to hear, but it took that long for a few reasons: 1) I did nothing to boost dopamine, though I exercised a lot; 2) I waited 5 years to get quality therapy for the anxiety this all caused, because the FEELING of no feelings felt real when I THOUGHT about them and got anxious, vicious cycle; 3) I spent 1.5 years of that time on Prozac . . . UGH. 

 

If I'd gotten the therapy immediately I bet my feelings would have been resolidiified within a year. Hope this helps!!! Getting help with that nauseating, nagging fear and anxiety that the feelings were gone for REAL was the real antidote. 

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sadandconfused

It took a few months for me to not be in a constant state of anxiety/no feelings, but it took about 5 years for me to feel "normal." I know that's not what you want to hear, but it took that long for a few reasons: 1) I did nothing to boost dopamine, though I exercised a lot; 2) I waited 5 years to get quality therapy for the anxiety this all caused, because the FEELING of no feelings felt real when I THOUGHT about them and got anxious, vicious cycle; 3) I spent 1.5 years of that time on Prozac . . . UGH.

 

If I'd gotten the therapy immediately I bet my feelings would have been resolidiified within a year. Hope this helps!!! Getting help with that nauseating, nagging fear and anxiety that the feelings were gone for REAL was the real antidote.

That sounds a lot like what I have. I get really bad anxiety from the loss of feelings, so bad that I'll make myself sick thinking about it. Sometimes I think I try way to hard to force the feelings to return and that makes it much worse. I just end up feeling sick and sad all over again. I reinstated 5 mg of lexapro a couple months ago and that has seemed to help ease the misery and nausea from the anxiety. At least I can get through the work day and somewhat manage like a normal person! From a lot of stories I've read on here it seems to take at least 2 years or longer to start to become yourself again, and honestly I'm willing to wait as long as it will take even though waiting is the hard part. Thank you again for everything! I think you had told me about a couple books or something that helps. I will look for them this week!

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Mermaid17

Yes, the residual anxiety, the obsessing over what happened (it's just such a TRAUMATIC thing to endure, emotionally), is what lingered and perpetuated the loss of feelings further than I believe they were biologically triggered from the meds. Keep at it. You know in your heart that waiting for this real, forever love is better than escaping the temporary pain. It was really nice to read that from you today, by the way. I've had that thought, I can wait for my husband, but he's currently so convinced I'm full of crap about the whole med thing that it's easy to get discouraged. But that the end of the day I can't turn off my feelings, so wait, and hope, and pray I will. 

 

As far as the obsessing goes, I received excellent treatment where I was living in North Carolina from the practice of Reid Wilson, a world expert on anxiety disorders. I did a lot of exposure therapy where I actually FORCED myself to think that the loss of feelings were REAL and not going away. Counter intuitive I know, but it rewires your brain. That was 8 year ago and now they focus on on other therapies, but the idea is that in trying to make the bad thoughts or feelings go away, you enforce them. When you stop resisting them they are what they are, and they dissipate. Hope this helps! Stay strong. 

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sadandconfused

It's getting extremely tough. I'm coming up to the 10th month mark with no feelings whatsoever for my boyfriend. I'm doing everything I can to try and be happy again. A huge problem I've been having is the fact that he's very overbearing. Honestly I can't say I blame him, if the situation was reversed and he lost feelings I would probably be the same way. But that still doesn't help me right now. I don't wanna leave him but I wanna be left alone so bad I can't stand it. I wanna just take a trip by myself just to try and clear my head. I know it's not fair to him and it makes me feel awful that I'm putting him through this but I seriously can't help it. I guess since the loss of feelings he's afraid I'll leave him someday so he literally has to know where I'm at at all times and basically everything I do during the day. I don't think he realizes the effect this is having on me on top of the loss of feelings. If we're gonna get anywhere back to the way we were i really think I'm gonna need some space :(

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Mermaid17

Sadandconfused - I am so, so sorry to hear about your pain. I know how terrible this is for both of you. Have you tried telling him what you just told us? If he's up to speed on the meds and their side effects then I would hope he'd be able to respect your need for space without freaking out, because you have been a ROCK STAR as far as commitment is concerned. You want so badly to FEEL again, and that alone should help him trust you. Is it a trust issue? If he knew how much worse his clinginess was making things I would think he'd back off . . . Ugh. Sigh. It's so hard. 

 

For what it's worth, reading how you need space is really helpful for me as the spouse . . . My husband has agreed to taper as of this week, but of course his doc recommended going from 20 mg to 15 mg right away of Lexapro. I have begged him to drop to 17.5 if possible, but am not sure what he decided. I took our kids to see my parents this week and just got back tonight. He was not at ALL motivated by our marriage, only by the fact he's now losing his hair and having terrible jaw issues from the grinding. Both symptoms became noticeable last spring after he doubled the dose but I didn't make the connections until about a month ago. He cares about the physical side effects but refuses to see the emotional ones even exist. I'll take what I can get, however, in terms of motivation. Him on the 20 mg. meant NOTHING could change for us . . . I need to be reminded he will need more space than I ever want to give him for quite some time. Lord this is hard. 

 

Saying prayers for everyone out there dealing with this trauma. 

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sadandconfused

Sadandconfused - I am so, so sorry to hear about your pain. I know how terrible this is for both of you. Have you tried telling him what you just told us? If he's up to speed on the meds and their side effects then I would hope he'd be able to respect your need for space without freaking out, because you have been a ROCK STAR as far as commitment is concerned. You want so badly to FEEL again, and that alone should help him trust you. Is it a trust issue? If he knew how much worse his clinginess was making things I would think he'd back off . . . Ugh. Sigh. It's so hard.

 

For what it's worth, reading how you need space is really helpful for me as the spouse . . . My husband has agreed to taper as of this week, but of course his doc recommended going from 20 mg to 15 mg right away of Lexapro. I have begged him to drop to 17.5 if possible, but am not sure what he decided. I took our kids to see my parents this week and just got back tonight. He was not at ALL motivated by our marriage, only by the fact he's now losing his hair and having terrible jaw issues from the grinding. Both symptoms became noticeable last spring after he doubled the dose but I didn't make the connections until about a month ago. He cares about the physical side effects but refuses to see the emotional ones even exist. I'll take what I can get, however, in terms of motivation. Him on the 20 mg. meant NOTHING could change for us . . . I need to be reminded he will need more space than I ever want to give him for quite some time. Lord this is hard.

 

Saying prayers for everyone out there dealing with this trauma.

Thank you so much for that! Sorry if I sounded negative, it's just been a tough past few days. I can't imagine what he must be feeling. I very well think it could be a trust issue at this point. We started out amazing as a couple, literally after about a month of being together we were inseparable, people would literally tell us we were relationship goals lol. We were that super cheesy annoying couple! We were basically always together, so I can most definitely understand why he is feeling the need to always know where I'm at if its without him to have reassurance that he won't lose me ya know? That's kinda how I feel he's thinking.

Oh my goodness Drs and tapering make me so mad. After I reinstated I asked him how he would recommend tapering and he said automatically cut down from 10 to 5! I don't see how so many Drs know nothing about these drugs, it's crazy to me! I'm very glad he's tapering though! That makes me so happy. It sounds bad but thank God for the physical side effects for him to consider tapering! I gained 30 pounds on this drug and was very tired a lot, and I was just tired of being on an ssri to be honest and I quit cold turkey :/ I regret that so much now but I know my brain is healing everyday.

Thank you for all your encouraging words <3 praying for you and your family!

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Dawood

Thank you so much for that! Sorry if I sounded negative, it's just been a tough past few days. I can't imagine what he must be feeling. I very well think it could be a trust issue at this point. We started out amazing as a couple, literally after about a month of being together we were inseparable, people would literally tell us we were relationship goals lol. We were that super cheesy annoying couple! We were basically always together, so I can most definitely understand why he is feeling the need to always know where I'm at if its without him to have reassurance that he won't lose me ya know? That's kinda how I feel he's thinking.

Hi Sadandconfused - every time I see you post on here you amaze me! Your clarity in posting your experiences, and sheer determination in recovering from this lack of feelings caused by the SSRI withdrawal is something which gives me hope.

 

Speaking as the spouse - I too can understand the need to know where you are or what you are doing etc. is important. In my case, my wife *did* cheat on me (though she still does not admit to what degree), and is *still* completely hung up on the guy to the detriment of our marriage and family, even though my contacting him directly in early March effectively made him block her from his life.

 

In my case, given that she said nothing was happening the whole time - that she was only going to meet her girlfriends, or out with her sister etc. - whilst in reality either this guy was tagging along, or she was with him specifically, this causes me to not entirely trust her still. She was in constant message and phone contact with him as well - none of which I was aware of at all.

 

Before this antidepressant chaos, we always said where we were going, with who, and a rough time estimate. You just don't know what might happen. But it is now me "spying" and "invading privacy" etc, even though I am simply asking for the same information that I still freely give in return.

 

In your boyfriend's case, I can also understand what he may be thinking: if she has admitted to not having any feelings for me for this length of time, is it because of someone else? Even if you have told him it is the withdrawal, it can be very hard to believe still, and sometimes when you feel stressed/down, you consider alternatives such as someone else being in the picture etc.

 

Perhaps there is a compromise that can be reached between you both? You can get your 'alone time' (this is a really common theme, by the way!), and your boyfriend can feel placated by you letting him know what you're going to be up to etc?

 

It likely not just because of mistrust - but because he truly cares about you and wants to know you're alright and most importantly safe.

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sadandconfused

 

Thank you so much for that! Sorry if I sounded negative, it's just been a tough past few days. I can't imagine what he must be feeling. I very well think it could be a trust issue at this point. We started out amazing as a couple, literally after about a month of being together we were inseparable, people would literally tell us we were relationship goals lol. We were that super cheesy annoying couple! We were basically always together, so I can most definitely understand why he is feeling the need to always know where I'm at if its without him to have reassurance that he won't lose me ya know? That's kinda how I feel he's thinking.

Hi Sadandconfused - every time I see you post on here you amaze me! Your clarity in posting your experiences, and sheer determination in recovering from this lack of feelings caused by the SSRI withdrawal is something which gives me hope.

 

Speaking as the spouse - I too can understand the need to know where you are or what you are doing etc. is important. In my case, my wife *did* cheat on me (though she still does not admit to what degree), and is *still* completely hung up on the guy to the detriment of our marriage and family, even though my contacting him directly in early March effectively made him block her from his life.

 

In my case, given that she said nothing was happening the whole time - that she was only going to meet her girlfriends, or out with her sister etc. - whilst in reality either this guy was tagging along, or she was with him specifically, this causes me to not entirely trust her still. She was in constant message and phone contact with him as well - none of which I was aware of at all.

 

Before this antidepressant chaos, we always said where we were going, with who, and a rough time estimate. You just don't know what might happen. But it is now me "spying" and "invading privacy" etc, even though I am simply asking for the same information that I still freely give in return.

 

In your boyfriend's case, I can also understand what he may be thinking: if she has admitted to not having any feelings for me for this length of time, is it because of someone else? Even if you have told him it is the withdrawal, it can be very hard to believe still, and sometimes when you feel stressed/down, you consider alternatives such as someone else being in the picture etc.

 

Perhaps there is a compromise that can be reached between you both? You can get your 'alone time' (this is a really common theme, by the way!), and your boyfriend can feel placated by you letting him know what you're going to be up to etc?

 

It likely not just because of mistrust - but because he truly cares about you and wants to know you're alright and most importantly safe.

Aww thank you!! I really appreciate you saying that. Omg im really sorry to hear that. I think you may have mentioned something about that in your earlier post maybe but I can't remember :( in all honesty, I have felt strong feelings towards other men. I hate even admitting it. I will usually try and take myself out of the situation so I'm not tempted but I know sometimes that's easier said than done. It's so weird how these pills do this to your brain. I'm almost positive that's my boyfriends fear. Thank you for putting it in that perspective for me. I kinda had an idea of his fear but it really helps to hear it from someone else's point of view.

Hell, a few months ago I barely even wanted to go out with my girlfriends without him there cause I never wanted to be without him. And now it's me thinking of excuses to not be around him :( which tells me that there's no way this can be the real me.

Also how is your wife doing?

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PapayaShake

Hi guys, 

 

Glad to hear things are finally starting to look up for you Dawood! I'll just give a more detailed update to my situation:

 

I stupidly tried to push for a relationship talk last saturday, which made her visibly uncomfortable, which was when she suggested a 'pause'. A big part of the current problem is this - her friend said to her a few weeks ago that she wasn't herself. A few days before we had this chat, her friend told her she seemed 'completely back to normal'.I think this has filled her with a sense that she is fully recovered, and therefore her feelings just won't come back. She also said she doesn't think she wants the feelings to come back (but this could be just tied in with a lot of guilt).

 

I told her on the saturday that she wasn't fully back to herself, and this just resulted in her demanding evidence of her not being 'back'. I told her that we aren't in a position financially for either of us to move out. I said we should give it until the summer, and she said she 'couldn't keep this up until the summer'. I replied saying that our great 2 year relationship deserved more than a bloody month (which is half as long as her affair!) to see if the feelings would return.

 

We haven't spoken about this since, so I'm not really sure what her opinion is (if she considers us on a pause yet). I'm trying to give her space from me because I'm worried I might keep pushing her. After we had that 'chat', I decided I should go back home for the weekend and leave her to herself in the flat. A positive from this was she reached out to me first, texting me on the Sunday with one of our 'in jokes' and then checking up on me. I'm going away this weekend too, I'm hoping distance might kickstart any feeling for me.

 

She's also starting a job next week, so I'm hopeful stability from that will help (she was in and out of about 5 jobs last year which was actually a reason she started zoloft) I feel at the moment there's a level of resentment to me for making her leave yet another one because of the affair. This saturday will be 5 weeks off the meds (4 'out of her system'). She's definitely getting better (being more creative like she used to, being proactive with work and keeping busy, not being numb to everyone BUT me) but in regards to the relationship there is no improvement. I'm beginning to feel like captor.

 

hey DaveyPetey,

 

I don't really know I this may help but right now Im on the other side, Im the one who lost the romantic feelings. Im triying really hard to keep my relationship because of the things I know I felt before going into wihtdrawal and loosing my feelings, that was just to awesome to let it go just like that.

I have more than six months wishing I would recover from all this.

 

I think 3 weeks, even 1 month is too little to say one is back to be oneself.Sometimes I go through windows that make me feel like Im alright, usually lasting only a few hours, but the recovery is very slow. In six months I might say that I might not even be 5% back to being myself, though I see a little, very little imporvement wich I take as I sign I might come back. pretendng for her to be back in weeks after quitting is a bit unrealistic, in my experience is not like you wake up one day and suddenly feel like yourself again, is rather slow and like walking 2 steps front and one back (and sometimes more than 3 back) I have read cases of people that go on affairs and random relationships because the "newness" of the realitonship gives them a bit more sense of feeling and they think they are in love with this new person, but they leave them once that newness is over becuase the are not really able to sustain feelings of real love. In my experience it would be better for her to be aware what the meds did to her personality and hold on to the reationship in the name of what she knows to be real when she was withouth the meds, wich is what Im doing while I recover, because I know im not myslef right now. The days when she feels beeter might rather be little windows and dont mean shes back.

 

Love, even when we tend to see it as as mistical, is also a physical process and this meds mess up our sistem and we are not able to perform this processes properly, not only when we take the meds but also on withdrawal. So it is not so much if we love or not but if our brains are able to perform the activities that let our bodies feel the love.

 

I do not intend for you to take this as an advice to follow because I dont know you or the insights of your realtionship, but as someone who is on the other end I wanted to share my experience if it helps in some way.

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DaveyPete
I don't really know I this may help but right now Im on the other side, Im the one who lost the romantic feelings. Im triying really hard to keep my relationship because of the things I know I felt before going into wihtdrawal and loosing my feelings, that was just to awesome to let it go just like that.

I have more than six months wishing I would recover from all this.

 

I think 3 weeks, even 1 month is too little to say one is back to be oneself.Sometimes I go through windows that make me feel like Im alright, usually lasting only a few hours, but the recovery is very slow. In six months I might say that I might not even be 5% back to being myself, though I see a little, very little imporvement wich I take as I sign I might come back. pretendng for her to be back in weeks after quitting is a bit unrealistic, in my experience is not like you wake up one day and suddenly feel like yourself again, is rather slow and like walking 2 steps front and one back (and sometimes more than 3 back) I have read cases of people that go on affairs and random relationships because the "newness" of the realitonship gives them a bit more sense of feeling and they think they are in love with this new person, but they leave them once that newness is over becuase the are not really able to sustain feelings of real love. In my experience it would be better for her to be aware what the meds did to her personality and hold on to the reationship in the name of what she knows to be real when she was withouth the meds, wich is what Im doing while I recover, because I know im not myslef right now. The days when she feels beeter might rather be little windows and dont mean shes back.

 

Love, even when we tend to see it as as mistical, is also a physical process and this meds mess up our sistem and we are not able to perform this processes properly, not only when we take the meds but also on withdrawal. So it is not so much if we love or not but if our brains are able to perform the activities that let our bodies feel the love.

 

I do not intend for you to take this as an advice to follow because I dont know you or the insights of your realtionship, but as someone who is on the other end I wanted to share my experience if it helps in some way.

 

 

 

Hi there, thanks for the information - it's really helpful hearing from people on the other side.

 

So an update from me, I moved out 2 days ago - we're trying a month apart to see where we are at. Neither of us like the word 'break' because it has so many negative connotations (although it effectively is a break, we're calling it a pause/breather/space). I've gone no contact, as there isn't much point in doing this if we're communicating virtually. When we talked about this, she opened up more than she has in months to me - she said something along the lines of "my heads all over the place, I don't know what I feel". She also initiated a hug for the first time in 3 months when I left, and she was crying. So who knows.

 

I'm not holding out much hope for anything to have changed, and therefore, expecting the relationship to probably be over at the end of the month. But there is still a niggling bit of hope that she will at least feel like there's something worth trying to salvage at the end of this.

 

We're coming up to 3 months off the pills in a few days, and by the time I see her next it'll be just under 4 months. 

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