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waves12: 8 months after cold turkey and can barely cope


waves12

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Feeling bad since Friday a massive wave which will not let go.  Four days of feeling like the beginning again.

 

Been reading and watching youtube all weekend to try and restore hope.  The feelings of loneliness are eating me alive and depression thrown in on top, awful few days.

 

I have felt so beaten with all this yet again. The windows and waves so unpredictable. Feel like giving up this morning. No joy or happiness just faking it all the time.

 

My friends and family have had enough I can tell as they are staying away from me, I don't blame them..

 

The dread of December is overwhelming as the shops full of this stuff now, felt so bad last December 2016 and thought I will be so much better by December 2017, I have had better days but hoped I would be further along now or even done with all this.

 

One foot in front of the other is the best I can do for now.

 

At least the sun is shining and I go get out for a walk by the sea, my favourite place to be.

 

 

Various antipressants from 1991 to 2016, Sertraline and many switches over the years.

Last AD's taken:

Citalopram for two weeks only May 2016  to June 2016, last AD taken and CT'd.

2012 to May 2016 Duloxitine 60mg. Doctor switched to Citalopram 20mg May 2016.

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I understand what you are going through. I did a cold turkey from 14-15 yrs of Paxil. I wish I could go back and do things properly, but I just didn't know. I am holding on to hope that things will be better and better as time goes on. 

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to waves12: 8 months after cold turkey and can barely cope

I feel the same. Perfect words. "Almost want to go back on AP but don't want to ruin the good work to date". That's EXACTLY how I feel. 7 months now, I don't want to throw that out the window.

Risperidone - started at 10mg

Decreased to 1mg within the month

Abilify - started at 10mg

Decreased to 1mg

[Oct - Nov 2016]

Continued for approx. 2 - 3 weeks upon psych ward release

Invega injection one time

[Feb 2017]

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11 hours ago, coldturkmama said:

I understand what you are going through. I did a cold turkey from 14-15 yrs of Paxil. I wish I could go back and do things properly, but I just didn't know. I am holding on to hope that things will be better and better as time goes on. 

 

You've been AP free for 15 years ?!?!?! That's amazing but disheartening to know that you still don't feel right. I hate these meds & this whole entire industry of pharma

Risperidone - started at 10mg

Decreased to 1mg within the month

Abilify - started at 10mg

Decreased to 1mg

[Oct - Nov 2016]

Continued for approx. 2 - 3 weeks upon psych ward release

Invega injection one time

[Feb 2017]

Link to comment
11 hours ago, AntiAntiPsychotic said:

 

You've been AP free for 15 years ?!?!?! That's amazing but disheartening to know that you still don't feel right. I hate these meds & this whole entire industry of pharma

No, only 4 years this October but I quit cold turkey after 14-15 yrs of use

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 

Link to comment

Oh ok. Wow 14 years of use is a long time. How do you feel ? Is everyday life a problem or is it not ? 

Risperidone - started at 10mg

Decreased to 1mg within the month

Abilify - started at 10mg

Decreased to 1mg

[Oct - Nov 2016]

Continued for approx. 2 - 3 weeks upon psych ward release

Invega injection one time

[Feb 2017]

Link to comment
  • Mentor

I just passed six months of no sertraline; I did a fast taper which has done me no favors. After a lovely window for a month, I am now in the pits of hell again. My friend, fellow anxiety-sufferer and ARNP who prescribes these meds, says that I am in the "crisis zone" because I can barely function. I was okay, then got a cold/flu, period came early, and change of weather... is it possible that it triggered a wave?

 

But to the point: she can get me re-prescribed.

 

My question is this: can I reinstate after six months and then do a sensible taper this winter? Also is it okay to switch the SSRI from zoloft to prozac? I remember that the first time I did SSRIs, the prozac was shorter (a few months, I think) to come off of.

 

Please help, I feel like I am going crazy.

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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18 hours ago, AntiAntiPsychotic said:

Oh ok. Wow 14 years of use is a long time. How do you feel ? Is everyday life a problem or is it not ? 

Depends on the day really. :/

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 

Link to comment

I mean in the grand scheme of things, how is it ?

before meds it was always a depends on the day thing. that's like normal, stress in life.

but these meds as we all know changes things drastically.

it's a stress regular folk don't understand & can't compare to.

Risperidone - started at 10mg

Decreased to 1mg within the month

Abilify - started at 10mg

Decreased to 1mg

[Oct - Nov 2016]

Continued for approx. 2 - 3 weeks upon psych ward release

Invega injection one time

[Feb 2017]

Link to comment
On 10/2/2017 at 3:04 AM, waves12 said:

Feeling bad since Friday a massive wave which will not let go.  Four days of feeling like the beginning again.

 

Been reading and watching youtube all weekend to try and restore hope.  The feelings of loneliness are eating me alive and depression thrown in on top, awful few days.

 

I have felt so beaten with all this yet again. The windows and waves so unpredictable. Feel like giving up this morning. No joy or happiness just faking it all the time.

 

My friends and family have had enough I can tell as they are staying away from me, I don't blame them..

 

The dread of December is overwhelming as the shops full of this stuff now, felt so bad last December 2016 and thought I will be so much better by December 2017, I have had better days but hoped I would be further along now or even done with all this.

 

One foot in front of the other is the best I can do for now.

 

At least the sun is shining and I go get out for a walk by the sea, my favourite place to be.

 

 

So terribly sorry to hear this.  I hope this waves passes soon for you and catapults you straight into an open window forever. Thinking and praying for you. Xxx

Mid 2014 - June 2016 (~ 2.5 yrs): sertraline 75mg. Under advice of my Pysch NP, weaned off in 1 month

Sept 2017 - Feb 2017 (6 months): Latuda (dose 20mg up to 80mg). Under advice of Psych NP, weaned off in 6 weeks (Jan - mid Feb). Tirtated down 20mg every 2 weeks.

Nov 2017 - Feb 2017 (3 months): lamictal 100mg. Abruptly taken off. This was the "wean": 100mg, 50mg, then off

Feb 2017: sertraline 150mg for 1 week to bring me out of a severe suicidal depression. Abruptly stopped due to serotonin syndrome. Tried to reinstate 50mg a week later, but the serotonin syndrome symptoms came back. Not possible to reinstate sertraline.

March 2017: remeron 7.5mg. Took one dose that knocked me out for two days. Refused to take it again

February 2017 - March 2017: Ativan 1mg. Took 5 pills total spread out over the course of 3 weeks. No longer taking it.

6/16/18 - 6/26: celexa 1.25mg

6/27/18 - 6/29: celexa 2.5mg, 6/29 had burning and agitation within 30min of dose

6/30/18 - present: celexa 1.25mg

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  • 3 weeks later...

16 months CT off the dreaded A.D, oh plus one week.

 

Not much has changed for me since my last post, still plodding on with this cr**.

 

Still hoping for full recovery sigh, relentless b.s day in day out.

 

I do have faith this will all be ok, patience running thin at times, very testing to say the least.

 

Onwards and upwards.  Hmmmmm   Surrender and acceptance is all there is.

 

 

 

 

Various antipressants from 1991 to 2016, Sertraline and many switches over the years.

Last AD's taken:

Citalopram for two weeks only May 2016  to June 2016, last AD taken and CT'd.

2012 to May 2016 Duloxitine 60mg. Doctor switched to Citalopram 20mg May 2016.

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6 hours ago, waves12 said:

16 months CT off the dreaded A.D, oh plus one week.

 

Not much has changed for me since my last post, still plodding on with this cr**.

 

Still hoping for full recovery sigh, relentless b.s day in day out.

 

I do have faith this will all be ok, patience running thin at times, very testing to say the least.

 

Onwards and upwards.  Hmmmmm   Surrender and acceptance is all there is.

 

 

 

 

 

Thats the truth!

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Is it possible to be so badly depressed in withdrawal?

 

Has anyone else suffered relentlessly with brutal depression?

 

I feel my depression is getting worse and difficult to manage now.

 

Have not experienced depression like this but I was on AD's for 20+ years so I can't recall very easily how I was before the meds, perhaps I am deluded into believing that this will pass on its own?

 

Anyone that can offer any help would be appreciated very much, feel as if I am losing my mind.

 

Almost 17 months off CT.

 

Finding it very difficult to carry on working and running my home, no interest in anything or anybody. 

Various antipressants from 1991 to 2016, Sertraline and many switches over the years.

Last AD's taken:

Citalopram for two weeks only May 2016  to June 2016, last AD taken and CT'd.

2012 to May 2016 Duloxitine 60mg. Doctor switched to Citalopram 20mg May 2016.

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Waves12 I am so depressed  as well , relentless brutal are the right words to describe this , I cannot manage it now , I to was on a/ds for nearly 25 years I had anxiety but no depression but this is something else . Like you I think I am deluding myself that this will heal and this is a wave . Not had any windows the thing is when this finally takes me down no one will give a dam about what the drugs have done regardless all they will say is that I was severely depressed .  I know I will not recover from this I have gotten 10 times worse than 12 months ago , some might say it’s a wave I think it’s rubbish , we have been harmed and no healing is going to happen . Riding this out is pointless I think now . my brain has been drugged for 25 years and a c/t off so many meds has destroyed me , I don’t no what to suggest to help you I wish I did ,  but your not suffering alone , 

2001 to jan 2015 Effexor 150 mg 

jan 2015 15 mg mirtazapine 20 mg quetiapine 

feb 2015 quetiapine stopped 

feb 2015 30 mg of citalopram added 

feb 2015 mirtazapine increased to 30 mg 

july 2015 citalopram stopped 

sept 2015 200mg of pregabalin 

jan 2017 mirtazapine stopped

jan 2017 20 mg fluoxetine

march 2017 all meds stopped 

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Hello Terry

Yes I know you are suffering badly too as I follow your thread. 

Thanks for taking the time to respond.

Various antipressants from 1991 to 2016, Sertraline and many switches over the years.

Last AD's taken:

Citalopram for two weeks only May 2016  to June 2016, last AD taken and CT'd.

2012 to May 2016 Duloxitine 60mg. Doctor switched to Citalopram 20mg May 2016.

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  • Mentor

Hello Waves12,

I have been following about 15 different people here on this site, and spend a lot of time reading others at random.  It appears to me that crippling depression seems to be part of going off the drugs, for some people.  I know from reading Terry's posts that Terry has been suffering agonizing tournament for a long time with no relief.  I have been following others that write about having depression that lifts, some seem to have it with every taper and it clears up but then comes back with the next taper. What I am trying to say is everybody is different and react differently to going off these drugs, but yes I keep reading over and over about people having brutal depression and they do seem to range from long term intense suffering to having it go away.  I wish I was an expert that could advise you, but I'm not.  I did want to answer you question though.  Are you following other people?  That seems to help me.  I try to find someone that is either withdrawing from the same medication I am trying to withdraw from, or has some of the same symptoms.  I use the follow button and then I get sent e-mails when they post. I am following you because in some of your posts you mentioned having the same physical symptoms that I have been experiencing. I guess I read what other people have to say because I am trying to find out what is normal in the abnormal world of withdrawal.  I feel for your pain.  I also feel for Terry's pain.     I want this tournament to improve for both of you so that you both may go on to experience happiness in your lives.

 

I am not a health professional in any way.  I do not give medical advice.   Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a professional medical practitioner.

 

NEW INFORMATION FOR GABAPENTIN TAPER

April 29, 2022 900 mg to 800 mg (11%), May 29, 2022 800 to 700 mg (12.5%), June 20, 2022 700 to 650mg (8%), July 20, 2022 650 to 575 (12%), August 20,  575 to 500 (13%),  Sept 20, 2020 500 to 475mg (5%) Nov 7, 2022 475 to 425 (11%), Nov 21, 2022 500mg

Medications: Gabapentin, Prednisone 1.5mg a day, Cortisol Inhaler daily. 

HISTORY FOR ZOLOFT TAPER

Feb. 2016 to June 2016  - Was on 150mg Zoloft.  Put on Gabapentin at 900mg a day in 2016 due to antidepressant withdrawal. 

Quit Zoloft (Sertraline) June  2016,  reinstated 50mg of Zoloft July 2016.  From July 2016  to October 2016 went from 50 mg down 2.3 mg. I up-dosed in November 2016 to 12.5 mg. Held there until January 2017 when I started a much slower taper.

STARTING SENSIBLE  ZOLOFT TAPERING USING GUIDELINES FROM THIS SITE

Dec. 10 2016  - switched to Liquid Zoloft (Sertraline) @ 12.5 mg.   Jan. 4, 2020 1.875 mg (6.3%). Jan. 25, 2020 1.75 mgFeb. 29, 2020 1.625mg (7.10%).  Apr. 4, 2020 1.5 mg.  May 9, 2020 1.375 mg.  June 6, 2020 1.25 mg. (9.10%).  July 4, 2020 1.125 mg. (10%).  August 15, 2020 1.0 mg.  Oct 24, 2020 .875 mg.  Nov. 28, 2020 .75mgJan 16, 2021 .685mg (8.7%).  Feb 13, 2021 .62mg. March 12, 2021 .56mg.  May 1, 2021 .375mg.  May 29, 2021 .25mg. June 26, 2021 .0125mg. July 25, 2021 .065mg. August 22, 2021 .048mg.  October 2, 2021 .043mg.  October 10, 2021 .038mg.  October 23, 2021 .035mg.  October 30, 2021 .032mg.  Nov. 13, 2021 .030 mg.  Dec 4, 2021 .0285 mg.  Dec 11, 2021 .0265 mg. Dec 18, 2021 .0246 mg. Dec 25, 2021 .023mg. Jan 1, 2022. 0 mg. OFF COMPLETELY

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Hi RachelSusan

 

Thanks for stopping by.

 

I do follow lots of people on here in similar positions, mainly the ones who went cold turkey but also others that are having similar journeys.

 

The depression is still so bad that I am all out of answers.

 

I hope you are doing ok today.

Various antipressants from 1991 to 2016, Sertraline and many switches over the years.

Last AD's taken:

Citalopram for two weeks only May 2016  to June 2016, last AD taken and CT'd.

2012 to May 2016 Duloxitine 60mg. Doctor switched to Citalopram 20mg May 2016.

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Depression is still so bad that I am so scared.  I do all the things necessary to help me, yoga, good food, meditation, long walks etc but all to no avail.

 

This is like nothing I have experienced before where it is so dark.  Any prior so called depressions were certainly not depressions but just low mood.

 

I am now for sure very depressed so frightened that this is how I am going to be now for the rest of my life.  My family are so worried and I hate doing this to them.

 

If I could snap out of it I would but I see no way out right now.

 

Does anyone know if this deep dark depression can lift with time?  It is no life to be living currently, it is all over me whatever I do and wherever I go.

 

 

Various antipressants from 1991 to 2016, Sertraline and many switches over the years.

Last AD's taken:

Citalopram for two weeks only May 2016  to June 2016, last AD taken and CT'd.

2012 to May 2016 Duloxitine 60mg. Doctor switched to Citalopram 20mg May 2016.

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On 10/2/2017 at 10:04 AM, waves12 said:

felt so bad last December 2016 and thought I will be so much better by December 2017,

 

I have thoughts exactly like this. I am nearing my "anniversary" of an adverse reaction and subsequent cold turkey. Whenever I see a photo of myself before this time, it makes me more than nostalgic...really really painful yearning. But yes I had thoughts like this in increments...it will be better in a month, by spring, by summer, by  next year, etc. 

 

I'm sorry you are struggling so much. But people do recover. Relief may be just around the corner...just try hard not give it deadlines (I struggle so much with this).

Aug-Dec 2015 Prozac 20mg / Dec 2015-Feb 2016 Prozac 15mg / Feb 2016-May2016 Prozac 20mg

May 2016-June 2016 15mg

June 2016-August 2016 10mg

October 2016-January 2017 15mg, alternating agitation/akathisia sets in --> cold turkey

January 2017 Clonazepam .5mg 

February 2017 Clonazepam 1mg (for a week) then .5mg morning and .25mg evening for about a month. Came down to .25mg morning and evening. 

May 1, 2017 Clonazepam .25mg morning and .125mg evening. // May 20, 2017 Clonazepam .25mg morning and .0625 evening (.3125 total).

early June .28125 // early mid june .25mg // mid june .21875 // late june .1875 // early july .15625 // early mid july .125 

mid july .09375mg // late july .0625 //early August 2017 down to .03125mg once a day, hopped off in mid August

reinstated at .0625mg late August // Oct 16 - updose to .07mg and switch to oral Rosemont solution

Nov 17 2017 reinstate Prozac .5mg // Nov 21 2017 prozac 1.6mg // Dec 18 2017  3mg prozac / fast taper off the reinstatement -- probably completely off early Oct 2018

June 2019 begin tapering off .07mg Clonazepam, Finish taper December 2019

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6 hours ago, waves12 said:

Depression is still so bad that I am so scared.  I do all the things necessary to help me, yoga, good food, meditation, long walks etc but all to no avail.

 

This is like nothing I have experienced before where it is so dark.  Any prior so called depressions were certainly not depressions but just low mood.

 

I am now for sure very depressed so frightened that this is how I am going to be now for the rest of my life.  My family are so worried and I hate doing this to them.

 

If I could snap out of it I would but I see no way out right now.

 

Does anyone know if this deep dark depression can lift with time?  It is no life to be living currently, it is all over me whatever I do and wherever I go.

 

 

Waves 12 the only comfort I can give you is that you are not alone , eleven10 and myself are also in the same boat endless depression that goes with us everywhere. I am 9 months off all meds and I have never felt anything as bad as this in my life , to be honest I would rather be dead than suffer this for the rest of my life , I unfortunately doubt all this recovery is possible for everyone , I don’t know what to suggest to you only that don’t leave it to long to seek help , forget about recovery and waiting it out if your life depends on it , you can only follow so much help and information on here , but when your life is at stake then it’s a different matter . 

2001 to jan 2015 Effexor 150 mg 

jan 2015 15 mg mirtazapine 20 mg quetiapine 

feb 2015 quetiapine stopped 

feb 2015 30 mg of citalopram added 

feb 2015 mirtazapine increased to 30 mg 

july 2015 citalopram stopped 

sept 2015 200mg of pregabalin 

jan 2017 mirtazapine stopped

jan 2017 20 mg fluoxetine

march 2017 all meds stopped 

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6 hours ago, waves12 said:

Depression is still so bad that I am so scared.  I do all the things necessary to help me, yoga, good food, meditation, long walks etc but all to no avail.

 

This is like nothing I have experienced before where it is so dark.  Any prior so called depressions were certainly not depressions but just low mood.

 

I am now for sure very depressed so frightened that this is how I am going to be now for the rest of my life.  My family are so worried and I hate doing this to them.

 

If I could snap out of it I would but I see no way out right now.

 

Does anyone know if this deep dark depression can lift with time?  It is no life to be living currently, it is all over me whatever I do and wherever I go.

 

 

I am now for sure very depressed so frightened that this is how I am going to be now for the rest of my life.  My family are so worried and I hate doing this to them.


Hello Waves12 I quote the above paragraph because it breaks my heart that you write this ,you are not doing anything on purpose so please find compassion for yourself ,I empathise with you so much ,I'm in a very dark depression and you now what ,people around us mite learn something from our experience ,I'm going to get peter breggins book "guilt shame and anxiety" and hopefully it helps ,I cant bare going towards Christmas like this .

Take great care 

PB

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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7 hours ago, bheb said:

 

I have thoughts exactly like this. I am nearing my "anniversary" of an adverse reaction and subsequent cold turkey. Whenever I see a photo of myself before this time, it makes me more than nostalgic...really really painful yearning. But yes I had thoughts like this in increments...it will be better in a month, by spring, by summer, by  next year, etc. 

 

I'm sorry you are struggling so much. But people do recover. Relief may be just around the corner...just try hard not give it deadlines (I struggle so much with this).

Thank you bheb

 

I really understand about the photo, I have a lovely photo of myself on the fridge with my two grandsons, it was taken the day my second grandson was born in late May 2016 just weeks before I quit the meds, I look at it often and always thinking I wish I was back to being that person again.  The thing is I don't expect I will ever be that person again as it was a medicated person, still just a piece of that person would do. sigh.

 

I agree about the deadlines too, it just sets me up for disappointments when I assume a possible time frame in which I may be better.

 

I hope you will be well soon too.

Various antipressants from 1991 to 2016, Sertraline and many switches over the years.

Last AD's taken:

Citalopram for two weeks only May 2016  to June 2016, last AD taken and CT'd.

2012 to May 2016 Duloxitine 60mg. Doctor switched to Citalopram 20mg May 2016.

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2 hours ago, Terry4949 said:

Waves 12 the only comfort I can give you is that you are not alone , eleven10 and myself are also in the same boat endless depression that goes with us everywhere. I am 9 months off all meds and I have never felt anything as bad as this in my life , to be honest I would rather be dead than suffer this for the rest of my life , I unfortunately doubt all this recovery is possible for everyone , I don’t know what to suggest to you only that don’t leave it to long to seek help , forget about recovery and waiting it out if your life depends on it , you can only follow so much help and information on here , but when your life is at stake then it’s a different matter . 

Hi Terry

 

Thanks for posting to me again. I know you understand and am grateful that you do.

 

Yes it is pure hell everyday and I know my family and friends are fed up with this and I am feeling so bad about my two grown up lads worrying all the time, they don't live too close by so it is quite scary for them having to check in with me and constantly asking how I am doing.  I have tried so hard to fake it for so long to them but it has become impossible to do so now, they were visiting me last week and it was very obvious how I was doing.

 

The thing is where do I go for help, the only possibility is the doctors and they only have the one solution, I have come so far, in time only, it would be perhaps more hell to go back on meds plus I tried to reinstate a few times and felt even worse than I already was at that time.

 

I feel as if I have completely lost my life.  I have a mortgage to pay on my own and my working at home is ending in March 2018 and then would need to be getting another job outside and this will not be possible if I remain in the current condition, I am hanging on to my current work by my fingertips.  March 2018 seemed a long long way off when I started this journey and was assuming I would be well and fit by then, I very much doubt this now.

 

What are you going to do Terry to get through yourself?

Various antipressants from 1991 to 2016, Sertraline and many switches over the years.

Last AD's taken:

Citalopram for two weeks only May 2016  to June 2016, last AD taken and CT'd.

2012 to May 2016 Duloxitine 60mg. Doctor switched to Citalopram 20mg May 2016.

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2 hours ago, powerback said:

I am now for sure very depressed so frightened that this is how I am going to be now for the rest of my life.  My family are so worried and I hate doing this to them.


Hello Waves12 I quote the above paragraph because it breaks my heart that you write this ,you are not doing anything on purpose so please find compassion for yourself ,I empathise with you so much ,I'm in a very dark depression and you now what ,people around us mite learn something from our experience ,I'm going to get peter breggins book "guilt shame and anxiety" and hopefully it helps ,I cant bare going towards Christmas like this .

Take great care 

PB

Hello PB

 

Thank you for posing on my thread.  I have visited your thread many times to see how you are doing.

 

I have read so many books over many years to try and help and understand emotions and even more books since this withdrawal. 

 

I am sorry that you are suffering too and hope that the book you mention will be of help, I feel 'read out' and 'you tubed out' searching for inspiration constantly.

 

I understand about going towards xmas like this, I have two little grandsons and feel that I will a complete burden to my family at xmas, it is a time for joy and happiness especially for little kids and that I should be enjoying these precious times with them.

 

It is all too much to even think about.  Self pity I know but this is way beyond what I could ever imagine in suffering.

 

I hope you will have a peaceful rest of evening and night.

 

Waves

Various antipressants from 1991 to 2016, Sertraline and many switches over the years.

Last AD's taken:

Citalopram for two weeks only May 2016  to June 2016, last AD taken and CT'd.

2012 to May 2016 Duloxitine 60mg. Doctor switched to Citalopram 20mg May 2016.

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i totally relate to the YouTubed out ,I often listen to the motivation depression videos while out walking and it mostly does nothing but trigger me ,its truly horrible what we have to live with ,I am riddled with guilt over being like this ,how do I continue to drag my partner along .I cant give her any life ,its so cruel but a reality I mite just have to face .

I don't really post as often as I should on my thread ,its just chronic really ,my windows just seem like lesser waves .I worry my depression will never leave me because the withdrawl has taken away my ability to function so how can it get better .

My latest thing is I'm on week 3 of a plant based whole foods diet [the jury's still out on it ].

Apologies  for the vent on your thread so thanks .

Never give up hope and always keep your eye on the light .

PB

 

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

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  • 2 months later...

Any update waves? Hoping you are feeling a little bit better. 

 

 

Paxil 20mg from 1998-2011 

Paxil 40mg from 2011-2012 while experiencing poopout

October 2013 quit cold turkey

Oct-mid Nov 2013 great window

Late November WD nightmare 

Windows and waves pattern 

Now: 28 months cold turkey...doing decent learning to deal with the windows/waves pattern fighting it every step of the way. 

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  • 7 months later...

Hi @waves12   Thanks for your kind words on my thread. How are you doing these days? Do you have structure to your day and people to see and talk to outside of any family you might have? 

Seroxat 30mg (January 1998 > till started taper April 2013 > off completely July 2013) this was about my fourth attempt.

 

Prozac 40mg ( July 2013 - Feb 2014) 

 

Sertraline 75mg (Feb 2014- started taper Feb 2015 - off May 2015)

 

Mirtazapine - 7.5mg for 2 weeks - 3.75mg one week - 2mg one week (December'15 - Jan 16)

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1 hour ago, Sertramean said:

Hi @waves12   Thanks for your kind words on my thread. How are you doing these days? Do you have structure to your day and people to see and talk to outside of any family you might have? 

 

 

Great question and its great because I dont really have enough structure outside the house, I do go to a yoga class once a week but there had been times when I thought 'oh this isnt working or helping' but that attititude wont get me well so I do stick to going.  Also I work from home which is great and has kept the money coming in to pay the bills and keep my house but I do need to get out there now. Working from home whilst on the meds I probably just did it without any problems and it was just handy but being more alive I can see now that this is not serving me nor helping my emotional health.

 

I definetly need to make new friends, most of the old ones are gone as got sick of my cancelling things so I am left quite isolated and this has knocked my confidence and self esteem lots.

 

I have two sons, left home now and one is a long way from me, 4 hours plus but the other one an hour and a bit and see this one once a week most of the time but of course they are busy with their ladies and work etc.

 

I am hoping to join a club, swimming gym etc but slightly nervous of overdoing it as my sleep is still quite bad, but there again it may help the sleep too.

 

Thanks for putting the questions to me as they have guided me to see what I must do.

Various antipressants from 1991 to 2016, Sertraline and many switches over the years.

Last AD's taken:

Citalopram for two weeks only May 2016  to June 2016, last AD taken and CT'd.

2012 to May 2016 Duloxitine 60mg. Doctor switched to Citalopram 20mg May 2016.

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I know how you feel Waves and I recognise a lot of the things you describe. 

 

I can only speak from my own experience but being around people was the trigger for my some of my recovery. I think lack of confidence can hamper us into not re-engaging with the world after the trauma of withdrawal. Obviously that has to be balanced with being well enough. My 1st year off I wasn't up to it but there comes a point in recovery where being around people and not focussing on symptoms can be really beneficial. 

 

I think you're right to try and knacker yourself out with exercise. I sleep longer and deeper when I exercise (sleep is one of the residual issues I still have)

 

Good luck and I hope you can find something that takes you away from withdrawal. I want to join a book club. If you ever start one I'll come and join.🙂

 

Best Wishes.

 

 

 

 

Seroxat 30mg (January 1998 > till started taper April 2013 > off completely July 2013) this was about my fourth attempt.

 

Prozac 40mg ( July 2013 - Feb 2014) 

 

Sertraline 75mg (Feb 2014- started taper Feb 2015 - off May 2015)

 

Mirtazapine - 7.5mg for 2 weeks - 3.75mg one week - 2mg one week (December'15 - Jan 16)

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10 minutes ago, Sertramean said:

I know how you feel Waves and I recognise a lot of the things you describe. 

 

I can only speak from my own experience but being around people was the trigger for my some of my recovery. I think lack of confidence can hamper us into not re-engaging with the world after the trauma of withdrawal. Obviously that has to be balanced with being well enough. My 1st year off I wasn't up to it but there comes a point in recovery where being around people and not focussing on symptoms can be really beneficial. 

 

I think you're right to try and knacker yourself out with exercise. I sleep longer and deeper when I exercise (sleep is one of the residual issues I still have)

 

Good luck and I hope you can find something that takes you away from withdrawal. I want to join a book club. If you ever start one I'll come and join.🙂

 

Best Wishes.

 

 

 

 

Thank you so much again.  You are right about engaging in the outside world for sure. 

 

I do believe it will help me and my experience of being with people during the day does make a differnce.

 

My anxiety, sky high at times, is quite difficult to deal with and I am pretty sure I bring it on with my overthinking and constant worry of how I am. Claire Weekes is on my shelf, I have read it and also listen to a youtube recording of hers and identify with all she says.

 

The exercise will do me good and best get signed up asap. 

 

Book club? Ha ha will work on that one!!!  Read so many books over this last two years I think I would go straight to the discussions part!

 

 

Various antipressants from 1991 to 2016, Sertraline and many switches over the years.

Last AD's taken:

Citalopram for two weeks only May 2016  to June 2016, last AD taken and CT'd.

2012 to May 2016 Duloxitine 60mg. Doctor switched to Citalopram 20mg May 2016.

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On 9/19/2018 at 9:50 PM, waves12 said:

Thank you so much again.  You are right about engaging in the outside world for sure. 

 

I do believe it will help me and my experience of being with people during the day does make a differnce.

 

My anxiety, sky high at times, is quite difficult to deal with and I am pretty sure I bring it on with my overthinking and constant worry of how I am. Claire Weekes is on my shelf, I have read it and also listen to a youtube recording of hers and identify with all she says.

 

The exercise will do me good and best get signed up asap. 

 

Book club? Ha ha will work on that one!!!  Read so many books over this last two years I think I would go straight to the discussions part!

 

 

Hey waves are you getting more sleep now are you feeling any better in slightlest

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  • 1 month later...
On 9/23/2018 at 7:39 AM, Liamb123456 said:

Hey waves are you getting more sleep now are you feeling any better in slightlest

Hi Liamb

Still feeling much the same, sleep is poor and chronic anxiety.

 

How are you?

 

Various antipressants from 1991 to 2016, Sertraline and many switches over the years.

Last AD's taken:

Citalopram for two weeks only May 2016  to June 2016, last AD taken and CT'd.

2012 to May 2016 Duloxitine 60mg. Doctor switched to Citalopram 20mg May 2016.

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At 28 months now since CT.

 

Some things have improved.

 

The worst thing is now chronic anxiety and it is hard going. I really relate to Claire Weekes discriptions of this suffering.

 

Wonder if this type of anxiety (nervous illness) will subside on its own?

 

Anyone else suffered it intensly as discribed by Claire Weekes where the fear of fear is running all the time with flashes of panic for nothing becasue the system is over sensitized?

 

Any words of wisdom and hope would be appreciated as this is crippling now.

Various antipressants from 1991 to 2016, Sertraline and many switches over the years.

Last AD's taken:

Citalopram for two weeks only May 2016  to June 2016, last AD taken and CT'd.

2012 to May 2016 Duloxitine 60mg. Doctor switched to Citalopram 20mg May 2016.

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what things have improved for you? i'm about 20 months out and am having huge problems with anxiety and intrusive thoughts. my sleep is terrible too. the only improvement i've had lately is i'm able to read again, something i haven't been able to do s ince i first stopped the pills.

Took prozac 40 mg for 20 years.

January 2017 started cutting down prozac by 12.5% a week. End of February 2017 completely off prozac and withdrawals began.

Currently taking Levothyroxine 75 mcg, Magnesium citrate 200mg,Sage leaf 50mg daily

Amlodipine: October 2017 , discontinued 26 Feb 2019; Candesartan:  26 Feb 2019, 4mg.

Discontinued magnesium citrate 200mg Apr 3rd 2019

Reinstated prozac:  14 Jan 2019, 1mg; 26 Jan, 1.5mg; 4 Feb, 2mg; 16 Feb, 2.5mg; 2 Mar, 3mg; 5 Mar, 2.5mg, 23 Mar, 3 mg; 6 Apr, 3.5mg, 14 Apr 4mg, 23 Apr 5mg, 10 Jul 8mg, 1 Dec 20mg, 1 Apr 2020 40mg 

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7 hours ago, waves12 said:

At 28 months now since CT.

 

Some things have improved.

 

The worst thing is now chronic anxiety and it is hard going. I really relate to Claire Weekes discriptions of this suffering.

 

Wonder if this type of anxiety (nervous illness) will subside on its own?

 

Anyone else suffered it intensly as discribed by Claire Weekes where the fear of fear is running all the time with flashes of panic for nothing becasue the system is over sensitized?

 

Any words of wisdom and hope would be appreciated as this is crippling now.

What has improved for you at 28 months out how long were you on meds for 

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6 hours ago, thecowisback said:

what things have improved for you? i'm about 20 months out and am having huge problems with anxiety and intrusive thoughts. my sleep is terrible too. the only improvement i've had lately is i'm able to read again, something i haven't been able to do s ince i first stopped the pills.

How long were you on meds for 

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