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Alice1: Lexapro withdrawal

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Alice1   
Alice1

Blondiee - did you really have pizza for lunch ? I'm totally afraid of pizza. I'm afraid my head will blow up if I eat one slice. In fact my family and I went to the local pizza joint and I had a dumb salad. I'll never go on meds again .. In fact I'm not sure they did anything for me. I remember the start up anxiety lasting for months. My doctor told me that was normal and prescribed Ativan as needed. I had a friend who went through benzo wd so I was reluctant to take any. Never did , but I remember thinking "holy cow I need to suffer though this so called start up anxiety to get the therapeutic effect of this crap" ..it lasted for like 5 months. I'm not even sure it wasn't a bad reaction my body just eventually dealt with. No way did i think ADs were like benzos otherwise i would have tapered longer. .Ya. Facebook sucks right now. Everybody all happy and everything. ..puke. No I'm sorry. I'm being neg. Stop it Alice. BUT when I see a tough guy actin all tough and stuff I wonder how tough he would be if he had some DR/DP going on. And if he could still go to work with it plus 20 other symptoms like my friend blondiee does ;) .. You've actually inspired me to suck it up and work doing something. Light retail at the moment. My friends jewelry store. Lol. I used to be a kick ass contractor .. Building cool stuff. Working with tools. Arr arr arrr. Now I sell jewelry :-/ Oh well. Sending healing to ya.

 

SJ. - ya , that's a sad one. If I didn't have my daughter this would be a lot easier for me. Meaning I might not feel like such a failure right now but we will heal and get through this. I just know it. Sending healing.

 

 

Cat - yes I'm definitely looking for that balance that is tolerable..I believe it will help me heal better. Not sure if any faster but better. Thanks for the prayers. Sending healing.

 

 

Well folks I went to work and went on a sloooow smooth walk today. After 2 weeks of giant waves pounding me into the dirt today seemed a little more baseline .. Usual morning - feeling like I'm going crazy, tapering into restlessness and anxiety by lunch , easing up to DR by dinner and wearing off by bedtime. So let's do it again shall we. do we have to ? Yes we do !! Lol. ACCEPTANCE !!

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LexAnger   
LexAnger

Hi Alice, I have been following you the whole time only that I have been too unwell to post. a bit better today feeling like to let you know that you have been very strong and you will be getting your health back just keep pushing each day like you did.

 

I survived all these years and still hang in all because I can't fail it completely for my son. Your love to your daughter will pull you out of the most difficult time even you feel impossible. I totally know how you feel about not being able to do much for her, but just being there for her is very important.

 

You are still a great dad with all your love even you can't do much as you wish to, and will be a greater dad when you get your health back after this experience.

 

Hugs,

Lex

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Happy2Heal   
Happy2Heal

 

Well folks I went to work and went on a sloooow smooth walk today. After 2 weeks of giant waves pounding me into the dirt today seemed a little more baseline .. Usual morning - feeling like I'm going crazy, tapering into restlessness and anxiety by lunch , easing up to DR by dinner and wearing off by bedtime. So let's do it again shall we. do we have to ? Yes we do !! Lol. ACCEPTANCE !!

love your attitude Alice

 

I hope I can offer hope, I am now about er, 7  mos out from a bad crash after a cold turkey and reinstatement and am now slowly slowly tapering and I'm having shorter and shorter periods of that morning anxiety and longer windows. wish I could say it happened quickly, BUT the good news is, at least for me, the progress towards better days has been pretty consistent. I've had some waves but nothing like the horrible stuff I went thru back last fall- not even close. I'm very grateful for that, and I pray that your journey is as consistently positive, or more so

 

 

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Alice1   
Alice1

Thank you Lex. Yes our children give us strength indeed. Although a lot of my depression is caused by not knowing when I'm going to be back to full daddy mode. Ya know ? Thank you for your kind words.

 

Thank you for the good vibes and prayers Cat. I really glad you're seeing improvements. I really appreciate it.

 

 

At work again today. Morning was a tiny bit better than usual but my night has been very fearful. Really trying to implement the mental activity and physical activity on a low level and build from there. Slowly.

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Blondiee1915   
Blondiee1915

Hi Alice1 - how are you doing ? My mornings are usually rough and it typically gets better towards evenings .

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Alice1   
Alice1

Hi blondiee

The last couple of days have been bad. Very disoriented and light headed .. I think it's DR but there's this difficulty focusing on anything thing going on. Lately I've been buying into my fears that this won't improve and that creates panic and despair. My rational mind says "relax , you're 8 months into CT withdrawal . Just hold on " but my irrational mind keeps saying "you CT'd you're doomed ".

 

I've read several stories saying that 9 months is when the serious stuff started , but when in the moment I have a hard time relaxing and going with the flow.

 

I don't want to be somebody who needs constant reassurance but I really really could use it right now. Especially from Alto and company.

 

How's blondiee doing ? I'm really glad we're friends on here. :)

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Blondiee1915   
Blondiee1915

I think you are doing well . You had few good days which means they will come back . It is not like you CT and didn't experience any Windows but you have and you should try to remember that . It will definitely come back . Sometimes reading stories can be not so encouraging . I find myself doing that and thinking I am doomed . But in reality it is so individualistic and also dependent on how you handle WD . Are you going to sit and do nothing and wait for it to pass ? Are you going to try to stay positive do light exercise focus on positives eat healthy ? I think a lot of what we do and our attitude affects WD duration . It does not mean that you need your rest and be in bed and get emotional sometimes . But we do have to work hard to be healed . So I think you are over analyzing and getting ahead of yourself. You can't change the future and by worrying about it nothing will change, you will just create more anxiety . Are you doing any journalizing ? Sometimes it helps to see these small differences .

Here is more encouragement - you have been on medication for only few years, you are healthy otherwise, you started working , you even chain sawed 2 days ago (whatever the term is ), you had windows of clarity ! And you have your daughter to be that rock for you .

 

Blondie is doing so so . Today back at work also can't concentrate on things, restless , dizzy and tired . I was googling benefits at work today to see how many days I can get just in case . So normally I would be freaking out omg can I make it to work tomorrow bla bla . But now I am thinking I will see what happens tomorrow . I will do my best . I also have dp - it is scary . Try reading Shep's thread she had it very bad. Her writing is inspiration and encouraging . I had that pizza on Friday it was a big no no . Major headache the whole weekend, but better today . Back to the salads .

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Alice1   
Alice1

Ahhhh. Restless and dizzy. My two most pronounced symptoms. DR is always in there too. It's been awhile since I had a window. About 16 days. By tomorrow it will be the longest window drought of my experience which makes me nervous. Speaking of nervous ,I'm experiencing some internal shaking lately. It's almost like every nerve in my body is agitated. It's almost like my nerves are "charged up" with excess energy. I'm not sure if it's restlessness or hypersensitivity. Or both. It started two weeks ago around the chainsaw event. In fact this whole thing escalated big time after the chainsaw event. 4 days ago I thought this wave was dying down back to my baseline. Then I had an argument with my father. We argued for 20-30 minutes. Then this wave came back again. I'm still walking but only 15 minutes twice a day. Gentle gentle walking. Like a old man. My neighbors all know I'm sick but they don't know what from. No ask no tell. Let them guess. I just don't have it in me to stay in bed all day. I just can't do it. After reading CGs checklist I'm thinking I have to sedate my nervous system by locking myself up in my dark room for a year. Can't do it. Just can't. I'll go crazy. First year is the worst ? I guess. I've read so many stories from people who recovered or are recovering saying after 13-14 months they saw small progresses. This gives me the will to keep going and to plod along...

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LexAnger   
LexAnger

Hi Alice, You mentioned in your initial post that you had burning. How is that going ?

 

Wish you faster healing and another window soon!

 

Lex

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Alice1   
Alice1

Hey Lex ,

Hope you're hanging in there buddy. My symptoms change and morph everyday . However I haven't noticed the burning in a while , but wouldn't be surprised if I have it tomorrow . You know what I mean ? I do get aches and pains though.One day I'll be dizzy and depersonalized , then the next i'll have anxiety and restlessness .. Today I was ZONED OUT beyond belief , but only for the morning . That slowly turned into more of a despaired anxiety feeling . Now I'm in bed watching the Yankee game with a heavy head and shaky legs. Thank you for the window wish. I need one bad. Wishing you and everybody well ..

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ShakeyJerr   
ShakeyJerr

Hi Alice1 -

 

How are you doing these days?

 

SJ

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divalee   
divalee

Hello everybody. I was on lexapro 20mg for 20 months due to a high stress situation. after months of therapy for stress management I decided to come off lexapro as I felt I had dealt with the issues. Both my therapist and doctor came up with a 6 week taper method . I am now 6 1/2 months off and I am suffering dearly with severe anxiety , fear , depression , and a very odd depersonalized state , plus other symptoms. I know now I tapered way too fast and I am very much past the window for reinstatement. I've had to quit work and can barely function at all. I have noticed that everyday seems like it's getting worse. I used to get windows that were half of a day long , but those have stopped two weeks ago. I'm looking for hope and encouragement as I have a little girl who needs her daddy to be alive. I fear that I'm going to die or become severely disabled for EVER. I'm trying to accept that this will take a very long time to heal from , but I am very very scared that I'll never be the same. I don't take any other drugs , but I do use an ecig with only 1 mg of nicotine. which is about 5% of a regular cigarette. Is it normal to get worse after 6 months off ? Will it get even more worse later ? Does it reach a peak and then get better ? I am very grateful for this site. I only wish I found it before I chose to come off.

Alice

Yes this happens often -  It varies from person to person - When I came off Zoloft completely I wasn't too bad - could cope with symptoms - but about 5 or 6 months later all hell broke loose - and have been on a ride with Waves and Windows - more Waves than Windows -  now I am off 4 years - I always had the same WDs - coping as best I could - but since I reached 3.5 years my symptoms have gotten worse.....am in a wave now for months and months - save a flicker of a Window once in a while....

 

There are some like me Alice - but not everyone - as I said we are all different - you may be  in these WDs in the  fast lane, medium lane or slow lane - I do hope yours is resolved much sooner than later.

 

But this is what we are here for to encourage and give hope - because in the end all this WILL pass - 

 

Please keep us informed -  I am sorry for your suffering -  and pray for all who are xxx

 

Lee (f)

xxx

 

If happy little bluebirds fly

Beyond the rainbow

So can....you.....and......I

 

xxxx

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Alice1   
Alice1

My friends ,I feel like I've lost this battle. I feel like there is no hope at all for me. I am so close to giving up that I am crying writing this. I'm doing everything possible to help this along but everyday it just keeps getting harder and harder. I don't really know how I am going to keep going on this path. The thing that sickens me is that there are bad bad people out there. Murderers , child abusers , animal abusers , rapist , racists , terrorist , all of which are probably able to live their lives without terrible suffering. Then there's me. A gentleman , a father , who loves people , who loves his animals , who loves and absolutely cherishes his daughter , who would never ever hurt anything or anyone , who is suffering because of a drug that my doctor gave me and took me off of.

 

I can't tell if I'm getting worse or just in a wave. I get tolerable days once a week and most nights are still better than mornings and afternoons. Symptoms still change on a daily basis , even throughout the day. I'm attempting to work full time at a low stress location . I am exercising by walking 30 a day. I'm eating well and sleeping well.

 

I feel so so disconnected with my family and the world I cherished so much. I feel like I don't belong. I feel like the world is passing me by.

 

The anxiety and Akathisia have returned in full force. Making me truly believe I'm getting worse. At 9 months off I thought I should be seeing some shred of improvement. I can look back 3 months and see a couple small things that have diminished , but anxiety and Akathisia were part of that list and they're back.

 

I got caught in the middle of a relationship desupt , like I was a judge or referee. It really stressed me out. Maybe that is what started this terrible wave.

 

Maybe im doing too much in the way of working and exercise. But I can't stay home. I get so suicidal. Even more than I am now.

 

Friends , I'm so tired. I'm so sad. I'm so scared I really hope I can hold on.

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ShakeyJerr   
ShakeyJerr

Hold on, Alice1! We are here with you.

 

We all have experienced what you are feeling now. Heck, I experienced it just yesterday - which sucked because the day before yesterday (Saturday) was so good as to nearly have been normal.

 

And I am right with you on the thoughts about why bad people seem to thrive and good people suffer. In fact, I did a lot of theological reading about that last week. I can post some links if you like.

 

But the bottom line is this - in this world, we will have trouble; but take heart - Jesus has overcome the world.

 

Prayer walks have been my main tool. And yes, I vent at God sometimes during those walks. He can take our questions; we just need to treat Him with reverence and respect, and He is faithful to hear our complaints.

 

Remember this - our minds right now are not our own. Yes, that is a crappy thought - but it is also comforting in that we can be certain in the knowledge that bad chemicals did this to us, we did not do this to ourselves.

 

Take captive every thought. Subject them to God and He will help you to see that they are not your thoughts, but neuro-emotions.

 

Keep working your tools.

 

Are you using any supplements? Let's take a look at that and see what might be tweakable.

 

Allow me to pray right now for you - even through my own tears - tears for you and me and all of us...

 

Dear Lord God - our friend, Your child, Alice1 is struggling. He is in a battle that You promise to fight for him - a battle against the lies of an enemy who is using the after-effects of medications that were sold to us on lies. Strengthen Alice1 with Your truth - the truth that You love us and care for us and have overcome the world. Holy Spirit, abide in him and give him Your perfect peace, the peace that surpasses all understanding. Wrap Alice1 in Your righteousness for Jesus' sake. Make of him a testimony of Your faithfulness to us. Comfort him, counsel him, and guide him. We ask these gifts, these blessings, in Jesus' mighty name. Amen!

 

SJ

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DrugfreeProf   
DrugfreeProf

Alice1, this too will pass. Even as you go through these awful symptoms, your brain and body are healing. Please trust that process. Remember how much your daughter and other loved ones need you.  They are here for you, and you are here for them.

You will emerge from this a warrior, stronger and better than ever before, I am sure of it.  There is a purpose in all of this--we just can't see it yet.

Read success stories, read inspirational books, watch uplifting videos. We see and experience only a small range of the immense energy of the universe. It is waiting for us, to be at our service. Trust that. Tune into that. 

The collective love and support of everyone on this site is behind you.

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BAT   
BAT

Alice1 I understand how you feel. This is so hard but you can do it.

It's 9 months for me today off antidepressants and xanax but have taken 8 xanax within those 9 months. As time goes on you would think things would get better and when it doesn't it is really hard and confusing (at least for me it is). You know I keep talking about going back on medicine.

You have a beautiful daughter that needs you. I pray we all get through this really soon, please God!

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ShakeyJerr   
ShakeyJerr

Give us a check in, Alice1.

 

SJ

 

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Happy2Heal   
Happy2Heal

thinking of you Alice1

 

SJ, I'm not a very religious person, but that prayer you wrote brought me to tears, it's really powerful and beautiful

 

 

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Waiting12   
Waiting12

During the worst waves I repeat a couple things to myself that I've read. 

 

"When you are having a bad spell, healing is still going on. People typically find that after a bad spell, symptoms improve and often go away forever. Try to remember this when times are hard."

&
"When experiencing intense mental symptoms: Dp/Dr, racing thoughts, depression and fear your brain is actively upregulating at that time! So I guess, bring on the mental symptoms!"

 

We're here for you. Hang in there friend!

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Happy2Heal   
Happy2Heal
On 6/8/2017 at 7:40 AM, ShakeyJerr said:

Give us a check in, Alice1.

 

SJ

 

 

 

It looks like Alice1 was on the forum 11 hrs ago (if you hover over a member's name it shows the last time they were here) so I'm hoping that means he's ok and is just not feeling up to posting.

I know when I'm feeling bad, I don't want to post about it, it sometimes just makes you feel worse.

 

Alice1, we're here for you. hang in there, you're going to get thru this. we all know how very tough it is.

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Alice1   
Alice1

Hi everybody .

Sorry for not posting .Im now realizing that after a depressing post I left that it would raise concern about my wellbeing , but I am truly grateful for you folks being concerned about me..it means a lot .. 

I wish I could say my situation is a little better .. my anxiety has gone through the roof , I mean through the roof .. the fear and intense physical anxiety has me so worried .. at 9 months off I thought I would be a little better or at least the same as 8 or 7 months off .. it has gotten worse and im literally petrified that im going to lose this battle .. 

 

im so so afraid that im ruined forever ..I wish someone would say " don't worry , I was at my worst 9 months off but now at 15 months I see improvement"  or something to that degree..

 

im working a full time job and exercising everyday , but things seem to be getting tougher and tougher no matter what I do ..

 

also I am extremely afraid my vaping (ecig) is doing this .. Im afraid to stop ecig because that will make wd worse but im also afraid to continue ..then im afraid that being afraid will make me worse and keep me stuck .. I truly feel like I cant will at all ...

 

everybody has said not to quit ecig .the benzo sites say don't quit , even the aston manual says the same , but I cant seem to let it be..

 

I miss my life so much .. I miss playing with my daughter and doing fun things.. I just feel like its gone forever ...

I try to keep positive because I don't want to self perpetuate things but everyday I break down with doubt ..

 

if this fear and anxiety would just ease up maybe I could keep the hope .. 

 

anyway , thanks for the concern friends ..

 

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ShakeyJerr   
ShakeyJerr

We're with you, man. You are going to get through this. You are a building, a tower, undergoing reconstruction all while regular business is going on inside. So right now, some of your office spaces, stairwells, and elevators are being shut down for repairs, while other such things are being overloaded to compensate. But this will pass. As each new office -- your synapses -- finish construction (up-regulate), you will see improvement.

 

Just keep working your tools - prayer, breathing, any supplement routine you have - and try to put yourself on a regular schedule of when you go to bed, when you get up, and what things you do at what times and intervals. Give yourself a routine.

 

I don't recall - are you doing any supplements?

 

In any case, you are in my prayers every day. Hang in there, buddy.

 

SJ

 

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Happy2Heal   
Happy2Heal
10 hours ago, Alice1 said:

.then im afraid that being afraid will make me worse and keep me stuck .. I truly feel like I cant will at all ...

 

 

I can relate to this so much. I still have a fair amount of anxiety and fear that seems to permeate my thoughts no matter how hard I try to keep them out.

I *think* this is when the Claire weeks method of acknowledge, accept and float is supposed to be used (something I still find very hard to do)

you just say, ok I'm feeling anxious/fearful, that's ok, it's just a feeling, it doesn't mean anything (don't- or try hard not to- give the feeling any power, it's just a feeling, it's not a fact, it just means for this moment, you are feeling fearful; feelings change, at any time, you may start to feel differently)

the feelings of anxiety are caused by the chemicals in our brains, and not by any real threat, so try to remind yourself of that.

I know so well how hard this is!
when I am in this state, I too, doubt that I can hold on, but reminding yourself that there's nothing truly wrong going on right now, it's just a chemical reaction in our brains as they heal, can help you to distance yourself from that feeling. At least, that's the hope, anyway.

Or as some people here do, tell yourself something like, OH there's that anxious feeling again. That means my brain is healing from the withdrawal. it's nothing to worry about, nothing to fear, it's  my body doing what it needs to do to get better.

 

It may be that you have to repeat this to yourself many many times over and over again.

 

it's hard to know when to stay positive, and when to accept and float, and when to try to distract yourself.

I think we just need to try out different coping methods til we find the one that works.

 

believe that you will feel better soon, and watch for even tiny signs that things are improving.

 

we're going to get thru this! we will write our success stories and celebrate, just as so many others before us have!!

hold on, you're almost there.

 

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LexAnger   
LexAnger

Hi Alice,

 

im so sorry it's still so tough for you being off 9 months! I know how hard it is to think positively when things got worse after feeling a bit better! This wave and window pattern is truly tricking our brains. 

 

Being able to work full time CT this poison, I would like you to know you are actually doing not that bad. I'm on my 5th year  tapering Lexapro and haven't been working for a quite long time.

 

thinking how much you have gone through and came so far, you will see lights again. it's so hard to think long, just focusing  on pushing through each day like you did will make it less desparate.

 

Hugs,

lex

 

 

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TryingToHoldOn   
TryingToHoldOn

Alice,

 

I know exactly how you feel.  Your post could have been written by me.  I just want you to know that you're not alone and you will survive this.  Take a deep breath and take it second by second.  You are strong and courageous.  Just that fact that you're able to work shows the strength of your character.  I can barely take care of my children (3 & 5).  I call it a success if I manage to drive them to school, then curl up into a ball (hiding under the covers) until I have to pick them up.  Someone wise told me to give my permission to breakdown, but also acknowledge every minute thing I accomplish.

 

Praying for strength, endurance and profound recovery.

 

~ Trying

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JanCarol   
JanCarol

Hey Alice - I'm making up a big triple batch of my family recipe Cincinnati Chili.  So naturally, I'm thinking of you.

 

I'm sorry to hear that things have been so hard for you lately.  I haven't had time to read up what is happening for you, I've just seen a few things around that sound rough for you.

 

I had my first "consequence free" pizza this week!  It's been years since it hasn't hurt me.  It was GF, but - it's usually the cheese I fear.  Well, after a rough day I said, "I WANT PIZZA!" so we did, and - I didn't get sick!

 

So it does get better.  I'd invite you over for Cincy Chili, but I'm guessing you're not ready for it.  I might actually get to have real cheese on it this time!

 

Take care, breathe, and I hope you see the sun today.

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JanCarol   
JanCarol

Hey Alice - just trying to catch up:

 

Quote

Meditation seems to be best at night before bed as when I meditate in the afternoon I can literally feel the heat from hell rushing through my senses. 

 

I was just reading about melatonin and meditation, and apparently meditation increases melatonin.  This particular talk said that it was best to meditate at dawn or dusk, as that was when your melatonin was naturally highest, and would make a natural positive feedback loop.  Melatonin making meditation easier, while meditating produces more melatonin.  

 

Of course - in withdrawal, all "normal cycle" bets are all off.  Blame it on cortisol.

 

Quote

Two weeks ago I started getting a little more active . I'm working every day (gently) and walking for 45 minutes . Last Monday I worked for 4 hours (light constuction / wood framing) then came home and noticed a medium sized tree fell over . So I grabbed my chainsaw and cut it up . Really not a big deal right. Then went for my 45 minute walk. Next day I get slammed by a titalwave. 

 

This is such a classic withdrawal story!  You get a little stamina, a little momentum, and it's been so long since you were productive that you thought:  Let's do it!

 

And then you pay the price.  Unfortunately, it doesn't take much to bring on a wave.

 

I'll give you a little hope.  You wrote:

Quote

I keep thinking about my little girl and how her daddy is being ripped apart by all this

 

While it's horrible to hear about daddy being ripped apart - the first part of that, "I keep thinking about my little girl," tells me that you are fully rehumanized.  You are no longer an empty, emotionless drug zombie.  You have feelings, and while they may be sad, depressing, or hard (for some reason, the difficult emotions return first) - you are having feelings and compassion and caring for your child.

 

This is a gift, and a sure sign of healing.

 

Quote

I know my taper was stupid and I should've reinstated 7 months ago but it is what it is and I'm desperate for a dose of hop

 

It is still a possibility you might consider trying.  Even if you had reinstated when you first got here - you might have prevented some of this angst.

 

I know it is late, but we have had successful reinstatements 10 months, 1 year out.  Especially with the stronger drugs like Lexapro.

 

Quote

But what about people who have only taken drugs for 2 years ? Is it still 3-5 years ? A lot of people have told me that since I was only on it for 20 months that somehow I'll recover faster.

 

There's mixed evidence on this.

 

In general, the longer you were on it, the harder it is to come off.  

 

But - there's a thing that happens in homeostasis - between 3 weeks and 6 months - where the drug gets its hooks in, and makes its neurotransmitter adjustments.  The drugs are not natural - to recover from these changes naturally take longer.  The body can only heal at the pace it can heal.

 

So - give thanks that you weren't drugged for 5, 10 years.  Honestly, if you had been - well.  Give thanks that you have less to recover from.

 

You might be helped by some of @alexjuice's tips here:

Six Mistakes I've Made In Withdrawal

 

Well, hubby is calling from the next room - I'll catch up some more later!

 

I hope you see the sun today!

 

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JanCarol   
JanCarol

Hey Alice - hang in there.

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ShakeyJerr   
ShakeyJerr

Hi Alice1 -

 

I just wanted to give you a shout out here on Father's Day! You are an awesome dad, and you are doing the right thing for your daughter. You are recovering - no matter what it may feel like at any given moment. Your healing is moving along and you are going to be an even better daddy for going through it! Be well, my friend!

 

SJ

 

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Alice1   
Alice1

JS

Thank you brother , hope you had a decent dads day too..

 

JC

I almost did me a 3 way last week ..  I figured it couldn't kill me , but then realized it might've ..lol

 

Lex

Thank you brother , when we reach the other side i'm buying you a beer ..

 

Waiting

Thank you for the encouragement , the PM you sent me helps a lot .

 

H2H

We will celebrate all night long when we finally write our stories ..

 

TTHO

Hang on sister , Having kids makes this so much more difficult ..Thank you for your kind words ..

 

 

 

Thank you everybody for your kind words of encouragement .. It means so so much ..

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Alice1   
Alice1

HI everybody

I have received PMs from some of you that are concerned about me .. I really appreciate it .. Im not well at all . At 10 months off I feel as im doomed forever .. The TERROR , severe anxiety , depersonalization , derealization , severe dizziness , and severe depression are absolutely eating me alive .. My thoughts are torturing me as well ..I am so afraid that im never going to be well again which is leading me to SI .. I cant abandon my daughter I just cantbut how the heck am I supposed to live like this ..

 

However , on 7-1 I had a good night with good sleep .. on 7-3 I had a very very tolerable day with good sleep .  on 7-5 I had a night with symptoms but with absolutely no despair ..

 

so there are small signs of improvement but I just don't see anybody suffering the way I am .. 

 

I stayed home today because im so bad with dizziness and nerve pain . now I feel totally guilty and feel like ive failed ..

Im so so afraid im going to lose this battle .. 

 

although my days are completely filled with despair I am still hopeful that this is just wd and with time I will recover .. 

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ShakeyJerr   
ShakeyJerr

Hang in there, bro. I'm praying for you!

 

You are in a wave. Ride it out. Float through it. I have been reading Claire Weekes' book "Hope and Help For Your Nerves" and it is helping immensely. I recommend it (with the caveat that she is so good at describing anxiety symptoms that you must never stop reading in the middle of a chapter when she is describing things - you must read through the chapter to her solutions and encouragement).

 

What else are you doing to help manage your symptoms? Practicing your mindful breathing? Walking? Praying? Any supplements?

 

Each on of us here have felt like you are feeling. We're here to help.

 

SJ

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AliG   
AliG

A. I'm glad you posted. You will receive lots of support and encouragement here. You have to keep reminding yourself that this is temporary and many before you have been through this exact same experience. 

 

so there are small signs of improvement but I just don't see anybody suffering the way I am ...

 

I don't see that as being true and it would pay you to keep in touch if you are struggling. It often feels like when we are in the midst of a struggle that no one understands but the truth is that we do: we have either been through it or are still going through it and therefore totally understand. I know you will get through this, A and come out the other side into the light. Just hang on.

 

Your negative thoughts are getting to you. You will win this battle.

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Alice1   
Alice1

So my negative thought could make me feel worse ? This is a really tough challenge as I try to float through my symptoms per Claire weekes but often fail everyday .

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ShakeyJerr   
ShakeyJerr
5 minutes ago, Alice1 said:

So my negative thought could make me feel worse ? This is a really tough challenge as I try to float through my symptoms per Claire weekes but often fail everyday .

 

I actually started a new thread on this subject. I have some links in there too that you might find helpful:

 

SJ

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Alice1   
Alice1

Im so dizzy today . Dizziness with panic ..Im also incredibly guilty feeling from staying home from work .. Fell like im failing my daughter ..

 

I love my little girl so much , so so much . I ABSOLUTLY HAVE TO GET BETTER !!!!!!!!!

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