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Alice1: Lexapro withdrawal

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AliG

Alice.I also had the dizziness for close to 2 years. It is totally gone now. For me, it was a withdrawal symptom.

You DO have to get better for you and your daughter.

What can you do today or tomorrow to ensure that? Have you looked through the non-drug coping techniques? What therapies have you tried? 

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Alice1

I've tried it all , and still implement them today such as walking , meditation (although extremely difficult ) ,distraction etc etc .. But then I get pounded by waves as if I did something wrong .. Ive been working everyday at a low stress job ( retail in a small country town ) and walking for 30 minutes everyday .. I often wonder if im doing too much .. I mean I work and exercise but then I worry about wd so much Im probably not doing myself any favors .. IDK  I just miss my old life so much , then ill accidentally read a negative story and lose ALL hope ..

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AliG

Alice. We do all try it all and never GIVE UP. Those modalities sound good and then when you get pounded, you get up, dust yourself off and start all over again! Try not to think about it. Really. Surround yourself with positivity!

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Happy2Heal
34 minutes ago, Alice1 said:

I've tried it all , and still implement them today such as walking , meditation (although extremely difficult ) ,distraction etc etc .. But then I get pounded by waves as if I did something wrong .. Ive been working everyday at a low stress job ( retail in a small country town ) and walking for 30 minutes everyday .. I often wonder if im doing too much .. I mean I work and exercise but then I worry about wd so much Im probably not doing myself any favors .. IDK  I just miss my old life so much , then ill accidentally read a negative story and lose ALL hope ..

 

 

Alice1

You are NOT failing your daughter, nor anyone else. You are doing a FANTASTIC job dealing with something no one should ever have to go thru.

I know that the chemical changes in your brain are telling you that you've done something wrong and should feel guilty but do NOT listen to those things- they are all Lies, they are NOT real. they are not based on reality. they are just random thoughts that your brain is firing off as it attempts to put everything back to the way it was  pre drugs.

 

I know how very hard this is, but tune out those negative thoughts, don't listen to them. Talk back to them, tell them that you have a LOT to feel proud about, that you are STRONG and hopeful and you have done so much and come so far........... you ARE going to make it thru this, you are almost there.

 

I never thought that I would get to where I"m at now either. I am having several of my best days so far. I feel almost like the person I remember before I started this journey.
I don't know if it's just a really good window or if it's due to this youtube video I've listened to the past few days. It seems to have helped me immensely.

I listed to it now for two nights (fell asleep before it was finished) and then again for two mornings, when I wake up early and don't want to get up quite yet- I put this on and listen to the full 2hrs.

it's very calming and reassuring.

Tonight I will try the 3 hr one, I will send the link if you want it.

 

you can see the details of my journey in my signature. I am coming off of over 20 yrs on SSRIs (zoloft, celexa and then lexapro) and I have been on a dose as high as 40mgs.

I also have an extensive drug history of multiple meds going back to when I was 18  (I am now 61)

I am healing, and my journey, while it's had a lot of waves and bad days, has so far, been fairly linear in that my waves have always been milder than previous ones, and my windows get better each time.

I am, I know, extremely fortunate in this.

 

But I also believe wholeheartedly that I am going to heal completely. I believe it because I know I have healed from all the meds I was on from age 18 to 40, so I have no reason to think that I can't heal from the stupid anti depressants I've been on for the past 2 decades.

I'm older now, sure, and my brain is not what it used to be, heh, but it's still doing it's job to heal itself.

 

every thing in our bodies reaches for and seeks out HEALTH AND HEALING.

 

your body and brain are doing the same thing. It's painful now but soon that pain will be replaced by feeling good, much better than you've felt in the past.

I know this is coming for you.

 

you are working so hard to get thru this. You are doing this for your daughter and for yourself and it's NOT YOUR FAULT that you feel this way, it's the symptoms of healing. It's what happens in recovery. Your family may not understand it now but in time they will see that you went thru all this to restore yourself to the person you were before these drugs, or to an even better, even stronger person.

 

you are a rock star, you are a hero. I know it doesn't feel like that now, but it will.

 

if you had been, say, afflicted with cancer or some other disease and had to be laid up for treatments, you would not be berating yourself for not being able to handle the things you could when you were healthy.

this is NO DIFFERENT

You are healing from a chemical assault on your brain and you are doing it courageously and without all the support that others who do have a more recognized disease or condition, get while they are going thru the rough stuff.

 

hell, when you think about it, we are ALL freakin rock stars here, for getting thru this.


WE ARE!!

you're going to be ok, luv, you'll see....

 

(((((hugs))))

 

 

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Alice1

Thank You H2H ,You've always been a major part of my support team .

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Alice1

Hi everyone

Quick question ,  Is it possible that waves and windows can happen in the course of a single day  ?  What I mean is I get moments throughout the day where I go from being terrible to tolerable in the course of an hour . Back and forth all day . Sometimes I feel really good but only for a short period ..

 

Also , my father has told me that he sees a huge difference in my appearance from time to time . My father is my main source of support and he would NEVER bs me . He said I used to look like death all the time but now he sees more and more moments of my true self ( facial expressions and such ) .. Could this mean improvement ?

 

Overall I feel as if my waves are as bad as ever but there does seem to be some breaks in symptoms from time to time .. My father refers to it as a frozen river that is thawing .. Meaning , first the ice cracks , then a little water gets in between the cracks , then the pieces of ice begin to slosh around slightly as more thawing takes place .. IDK maybe just maybe im starting to thaw out a little ..

 

Ive also noticed that i'm a little more outward focused lately , which is weird because ive never felt so bad in this whole 10 month period .. ive noticed that I will have moments where im thinking about my hobbies and activities I used to be involved in but then back to despair . Is this a positive sign ?

 

My symptoms are definitely changing and morphing just like everyone said .. There are new ones such as burning , nerve pain and body aches and pains .Also I have muscle twitching every where .There is definitely no pattern to any of this . One moment I will be tolerable and the next will be terrible.

 

Anxiety and Depression are still severe , although it lessens in the evening most nights (not all nights) ,

Akathisia seems to be a little less frequent,

Dizziness is still severe but less frequent, Odd dizziness i might add , cant describe it ,

 

 

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bubble

In the early stages of recovery windows happen just like you describe: very brief periods of relief thought the day. They gradually get longer. It is only in later stages that windows last for days...

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BAT

Hello. How are you feeling? 

 

I read your last post and can relate. The last couple weeks I get moments, maybe even a minute here and there that I think ok maybe I'm starting to feel better, but then right back to feeling horrible and wondering am I ever going to feel better. I have vision issues among tons of other symptoms but a few days ago I was replying to an email and I was like wow my vision is clear but then it went away. It probably lasted a minute if that, but long enough where I noticed it.  I don't know what to think though. It is so small and so far from normal that it still doesn't give me hope unfortunately. I know we are close to the same time off antidepressants (but I have taken xanax also) so have that difference. I hope this is a sign of healing. I know I should be more positive but it's hard everyday feeling like this..

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Alice1

Friends , Today i'm feeling bad as ever . The inner restlessness has returned full force making it difficult to get out of bed , but I cant stay in bed either . It's a feeling on inner terror and fear and makes me feel like truly ending it all .. I'm truly fearing for my life .. I'm at work at the moment and feel inner restlessness , out of body , nerves are on fire , severely depressed , dizzy , etc .. I keep having this terrible thought that I'm going to be separated from my daughter forever ..both mentally and physically .

 

It truly feels permanent and no improvement is going to take place .. I keep thinking I'm doing something wrong too . Like worrying too much ( how can I not ) , vaping on my ecig , exercising too much , working too much . I'm afraid if I stop working all become worse , if that's possible  .. Almost 11 months off and I'm at my worst .. Truly terrified ..

 

 

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scallywag

Alice, as awful as it is now, it will pass. Many, many people have experienced what you have and recovered. You WILL get through this to the other side

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Flowers
2 hours ago, Alice1 said:

Friends , Today i'm feeling bad as ever . The inner restlessness has returned full force making it difficult to get out of bed , but I cant stay in bed either . It's a feeling on inner terror and fear and makes me feel like truly ending it all .. I'm truly fearing for my life .. I'm at work at the moment and feel inner restlessness , out of body , nerves are on fire , severely depressed , dizzy , etc .. I keep having this terrible thought that I'm going to be separated from my daughter forever ..both mentally and physically .

 

It truly feels permanent and no improvement is going to take place .. I keep thinking I'm doing something wrong too . Like worrying too much ( how can I not ) , vaping on my ecig , exercising too much , working too much . I'm afraid if I stop working all become worse , if that's possible  .. Almost 11 months off and I'm at my worst .. Truly terrified ..

 

 

Hi Alice.

 

Going through this is terrifying I agree. I have much the same symptoms as you. Are you getting any windows no matter how small? These are the moments to hang on to and focus on when you are feeling at your worst. Write them down when you experience them - like what you were doing and how you felt. Then you can remind yourself in the bad times that healing is happening.  

 

You are working which is a great achievement considering how you are feeling.

 

Try not to dwell too much on how awful this is. Hard I know but it won't change the healing process and could make things worse. Distraction is a great thing. 

 

These things have helped me when I get truly desperate. 

 

You are strong - you can do this.

 

Flowers xxx

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Happy2Heal

Alice, you are so strong to be working thru all this.

I think it's good that you are, it's a good distraction... just don't take on anything extra at work if you can help it.

 

if you're not sure if you're exercising too much, try doing a little less and see what happens, see if you feel better.

I didn't realize I was exercising too much til I had a day when I couldn't do as much, and I felt so much better. I know I need at least some gentle exercise, but overdoing it can truly make you feel awful.

 

try not to look at the past or the future. You can't change either of those things.

 

Just focus on today, or if need be, this very moment.

 

You only need to make it thru the next moment.

you can do that.

 

You're doing an awesome job and you ARE going to heal.

the awful feelings are from your brain doing the hard work to put itself back together the way it was before the drugs.

 

soon, you will feel better.
even if it seems false, say to yourself, every day (or many times a day)  "every day, in every way, I am getting better and better"

 

I did this all thru the roughest days and it really does help. It sounds silly but hey, who cares?

 

if all else fails, just FLOAT

 

and don't forget to breathe.

 

You've got this. You can do it. You've got a lot of ppl pulling for you.

 

(((((hugs)))))

 

 

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Alice1

Hi friends

A little better today . Little to no akathisia , but very dizzy . Its a weird kind of dizzy . Like being hit in the head with a baseball bat but without the contact from the bat , only the dazed part after .. Kind of like blunt trauma I guess ..Topped with a little DR .. Its so weird how I can go from below death to tolerable or at ease within hours .Not to mention the dramatic shift in symptoms . I mean I can expect anything at this point . Literally . I mean I wouldn't be surprised if I woke one morning to find I had grown a fur coat and a tail and started throwing my poop at people . 

 

In the last 36 hours I have had 3 windows . each one lasting 2 hours. There have been 5 or 6 if you count the tiny ones lasting 15 or 20 minutes . So that's good .

 

Just wanted to thank Scallywag , Flowers , and H2H for the recent replies to my ever so desperate post yesterday morning .. Funny thing , The first of those 3 windows came within an hour of writing that post .. But its so so nice to have the support of you nice folks on here when its get bad ..

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Flowers
6 hours ago, Alice1 said:

Hi friends

A little better today . Little to no akathisia , but very dizzy . Its a weird kind of dizzy . Like being hit in the head with a baseball bat but without the contact from the bat , only the dazed part after .. Kind of like blunt trauma I guess ..Topped with a little DR .. Its so weird how I can go from below death to tolerable or at ease within hours .Not to mention the dramatic shift in symptoms . I mean I can expect anything at this point . Literally . I mean I wouldn't be surprised if I woke one morning to find I had grown a fur coat and a tail and started throwing my poop at people . 

 

In the last 36 hours I have had 3 windows . each one lasting 2 hours. There have been 5 or 6 if you count the tiny ones lasting 15 or 20 minutes . So that's good .

 

Just wanted to thank Scallywag , Flowers , and H2H for the recent replies to my ever so desperate post yesterday morning .. Funny thing , The first of those 3 windows came within an hour of writing that post .. But its so so nice to have the support of you nice folks on here when its get bad ..

So pleased you are getting windows. Some symptoms are harder to bear than others aren't they? I get the dizziness too when I am in a wave and my symptoms change very rapidly too! 

 

I quite like the idea of growing a fur coat and tail!

 

Flowers xxx

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Alice1

Hi everybody ,

Just wanted to list some symptoms I've been having to see if it sound like normal WD to you guys ,

 

This morning in the shower I had these gut and body pains . They wernt sharp but very uncomfortable .Kind of felt like I was poisoned  , Along with the usual morning anxiety/akathisia ..The after my shower I started to shake and quiver tremendously . Needless to say I am literally forcing myself out the door at this point ..

 

The drive to work was scary . I was met with intense DR like feelings and the morning sun seemed to be way to much for me . After arriving at work I started to settle down slightly , but as I set up the jewelry (I work at a jewelry shop) I started getting very very sad feelings .. These sad feelings consist of my mind subconsciously thinking about something bad happening to my beloved daughter (who is only 9) .. Not something physical but emotional .. Like getting her feelings hurt by somebody or perhaps making a terrible mistake and getting embarrassed .. I immediately try to distract away from these thoughts but quite often fail miserably and start crying (on the inside mostly) .. Is this chemical depression or melancholia ? 

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Happy2Heal

that all sounds like chemical depression and chemically caused symptoms to me Alice1

 

I've had them all, at different times.

 

it sounds very much like normal WD, which is the bad AND the  good news

this means it will get better as you continue to heal (the good news!)

 

it also means that you just need to wait it out (the bad part)

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Alice1

Thank you H2H ,

Today was a very bad day . I tried to make the best of it though . I had to come home early for a personal issue and by doing that I had more than half a day of nothing to do . I did take my dog to the park and went for a small drive with my father but today was just bad .The depression on top of akathisia and DR is just HELL . Tonight my little girl is at her mommies and I'm here all alone . Alone with my thoughts that i'm desperately trying to control . 

 

I wish the hope I get from this site and the many friends I have gained on here would sink in and stay put inside my mind for more than 5 seconds . Can anybody relate to that ? Meaning . I feel hopeless . then someone will give me hope . but it only lasts a few minutes .. I guess hope has a relatively short half life in wd..

 

I just want to get better . I want to get better for my daughter and my family and myself .. I went for my walk tonight and passed by the school football field only to see families cheering on their kids at whatever sporting activity was happening . The smell of BBQ's in the air . the sound of laughter in the backyards of the houses I pass , and the people out walking their dogs with smiles on their faces as they pass by .. Gosh . I miss it , I miss it all so much .. I cant even remember my life before all this started 11 months ago ..I mean I remember my work life and my increasing weight gain ( which I didn't mind ) due to eating food I actually enjoyed .. I still eat a lot of bread too . Maybe that's making me feel worse ..I remember wrestling on the bed with my daughter tickling her and making monster noises . I remember building forts out of bed sheets and going to the store to buy snacks so we could sit in the forts and watch tv together .. OMGosh I'm going to break down right here right now .But somehow Ive forgotten how it feels to feel normal 

 

The only time im at peace is when im sleeping now a days , and even then I get woken up by symptoms once a week on average .. The 2 hour windows every 3rd day is nice too ..And like I said before , Ive had more of those this month than any other month , excluding the first 3 months when wd wasn't that bad at all .Gosh if I had only known back then what was ahead . If I had only found SA then , or even better before I chose to come off . I ve made some mistakes before in my life but that one takes the taco . But even the windows aren't like the normal life I had because I know hell is coming back very soon . So I spend that 2 hours trying to psych myself up for the next wave . Never really completely enjoying life for those 2 hours ..

 

Idk , This is so hard ..

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Waiting12

Just checking in. I'm sorry you're still in the thick of it. We have to truly believe everyone else when they say it really does get better.

 

I just wanted to comment on the hopelessness. What helps me when I feel that way is to think "okay, I know my brain isn't processing thoughts & emotions correctly right now. Just because I can't 'feel' that relieving feeling of hope doesn't mean that there isn't any." There is still hope whether we can process it, access it, feel it or not.

 

Hang tough! We're in this together!

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Happy2Heal

it is very hard Alice1, I know

 

I don't think we can control our thoughts, I've tried that and it doesn't work. I think what we need to do instead is not believe our thoughts, just let them come up, acknowledge them, accept them as chemically caused and therefore NOT valid, and then let them pass like clouds in the sky.

 

It's very hard to do this, I know. I find myself trying to desperately hold on to good thoughts but when I surrender and just accept that the unpleasant thoughts are there, they lose their power and kind of leave of their own accord.....

it's still very hard to do, we want to fight them, but sometimes just letting them be and not giving them any power, works better

 

just try to connect with that true place within you that knows that all is well and that these are just thoughts.

I use a couple of reminders tacked up in my apt, all over the place, that say things like "my thoughts can't hurt me"

or "the past can't hurt me"  or "nothing bad is happening right now, these are just thoughts, they are not real"

 

soon, they will pass and you will be feeling a lot better

 

your brain is doing some sort of massive healing project, I suspect. it's doing what it needs to do to get back to its pre drugged state

it feels awful but it's good work.

 

you are being so strong. you're going to get thru this!

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ShakeyJerr
2 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

it is very hard Alice1, I know

 

I don't think we can control our thoughts, I've tried that and it doesn't work. I think what we need to do instead is not believe our thoughts, just let them come up, acknowledge them, accept them as chemically caused and therefore NOT valid, and then let them pass like clouds in the sky.

 

It's very hard to do this, I know. I find myself trying to desperately hold on to good thoughts but when I surrender and just accept that the unpleasant thoughts are there, they lose their power and kind of leave of their own accord.....

it's still very hard to do, we want to fight them, but sometimes just letting them be and not giving them any power, works better

 

just try to connect with that true place within you that knows that all is well and that these are just thoughts.

I use a couple of reminders tacked up in my apt, all over the place, that say things like "my thoughts can't hurt me"

or "the past can't hurt me"  or "nothing bad is happening right now, these are just thoughts, they are not real"

 

soon, they will pass and you will be feeling a lot better

 

your brain is doing some sort of massive healing project, I suspect. it's doing what it needs to do to get back to its pre drugged state

it feels awful but it's good work.

 

you are being so strong. you're going to get thru this!

 

Super-fantastic advice, H2H! I had a bout of bad thinking yesterday around dinner time and had to put this very thing into practice. It worked and the bad thinking floated away.

 

SJ

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Flowers

Alice - H2H  and Waiting have  made some good points.

 

Just remember this is not always going to be like this. It is not really you - just thoughts and your brain playing tricks on you.

 

The mornings for me are always worse.  I get shaking and stomach problems along with a lot of other stuff! It is hard to enjoy things and make plans when we feel bad but you are getting windows albeit small ones. Hold on to these moments!

 

I even write down how I feel if I get a window and read it over and over just to reinforce that I have felt good/normal for even a few minutes.

 

You will get through this - you are doing well and are strong.

 

Flowers xxx

 

 

 

 

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Alice1

Thanks guys ,

Today my anxiety and akathisia and panic went through the roof ...beyond control , I have to admit I just got back from the ER . I didn't take anything but I was ready to..Is it normal to have such random shifts in symptoms and severity ?   The doctor there actually acknowledged the withdrawal but also stated that im obsessing way way too much and causing it to be worse ..Is this true ? Can my worry about wd make it 10 times worse ?

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Alice1

If this is true does that mean I have to employ the Claire weeks strategy asap and stick with it ?  Will that make me feel a little better ? 

 

I cant believe my life has turned out this way .. I was never like this before . ever .  

 

I accidentally read 2 horror stories last night .. I cant live like this for years and years ..

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Alice1

I have an apt with my doctor in a week . Im actually considering reinstating a low dose of citalopram  as instructed by mods months ago , but im absolutey terrified of a reaction and giving up my 11 months .. Im also getting a therapist ..

 

Is it normal to get pounded by anxiety and panic out of the blue like this ? I mean everyday is terrible but today is way way worse .. is this normal?

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Flowers

Hello Alice

 

Sounds like you have had such a bad day. I am so sorry you ended up in ER.

 

For me I can go to bed feeling fine and wake up the next day feeling just like you did today. So I would say that things can change during the day, day to day or whatever. 

 

I think if you focus too much on how you are feeling it can lead to a state of panic. Only natural when you are faced with some of these alarming symptoms.  

 

That is why it can help a lot if you can find something that works for you to cope with these symptoms. Whether it is mindfulness, Claire Weeks, going for a walk, doing a chore or whatever it has to work for you. Any distractions help me. Talking to a friend, reading a book maybe. There are loads of suggestions on this site maybe there is something here you can find that will help. 

 

If you are sitting worrying about yourself all the time  it won't help. You need to keep your nervous system as calm as possible or you will feel worse.

 

If you want to reinstate a little Cit take the advice of the mods. No one knows how you will react but they will suggest a very small dose that will limit any damage and make it easier for you to slow taper off after you have stabilised.

 

Try not to worry - there are people here to support and help you. This is tough but you are not doing it alone.

 

Flowers xxx

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Alice1

Thank you flowers . I am so afraid i'll never get better from this .. All I do is think about my daughter and start crying ..I wish I could just have the ability to accept and BELIEVE I will recover ..

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Flowers

You are recovering although it may not feel like it right now!

 

You are still alive and are there for your daughter. She still has you and you have her. She won't know the thoughts you are having and you are still her Dad.

 

These bad days really shake us up but a good day may be tomorrow. Try to accept that you are not well right now but will get better. Just focus on each day as it comes and try to find something to cope/distract you from the symptoms when they are hard to bear.  

 

I was seeing a therapist earlier on this year. She gave me some good tips on how to turn negative thoughts and behaviour into positive ones. I am naturally a very negative person so  this helped me immensely. 

 

All this takes a while to get used to as all we want is to be our old selves again like 'normal' people.  Once you have accepted that you are not well right now the next step is to have patience as it will take a while to heal and there will be ups and downs.  

 

This is horrible at the moment but things will improve - never lose sight of that.  

 

Flowers xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Happy2Heal
3 hours ago, Alice1 said:

If this is true does that mean I have to employ the Claire weeks strategy asap and stick with it ?  Will that make me feel a little better ? 

 

I cant believe my life has turned out this way .. I was never like this before . ever .  

 

I accidentally read 2 horror stories last night .. I cant live like this for years and years ..

 

yes, you could try the claire weeks strategy, it can help. and try very hard to stay away from the negative stories, ok? you are NOT going to live like this for years and years, ok? you are NOT.  You have already had some great times, and those will most definitely come back.

 

remember that even the terrible sounding stories are likely NOT as bad as you read, ppl tend to write when they are feeling poorly and don't write when they are feeling good. So those bad stories are NOT the FULL story, ok? this is what i remind myself when I stumble across something upsetting

 

another thing I have found is thinking that you need to do a certain thing to force things to get better. Unfortunately, it seems the quickest way to get a wave to end is to accept it as fully as you can.
Any time I find myself feeling like there is something I Must do to make things better, I know that I have gone from acceptance into wanting to CONTROL things, and we just can't control the symptoms of recovery.

We can only work WITH them.

 

I think there's a good chance that you are caught in an emotional spiral, there's a thread about it. Yours is an emotional spiral of fears and anxiety, this is the one I get most often.

 

You can untangle yourself from it if you practice deep breathing, relaxation and probably, the best thing is distraction and keeping busy, as was mentioned by someone else. (sorry already forgot who it was)

 

try to find some thing you can do for someone else, or try to focus on some project, or try to read something that really interests you. Give your brain something else to think about.

 

remember that feelings are not facts

and that thoughts can NOT hurt you.

they are just thoughts, flimsy nothings that come and go. just let them go...

and welcome any thoughts that make you feel good.

 

 

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Alice1

Hi everybody ,

I just read somewhere that 20mg of Lexapro is equal to 60mg of paxil ..Am I going to survive this ?  Please be truthful  . im so desperate .  am I in a category of not recovering due to such a high dose and 6 week taper ?  Please please give it to me straight .. My life depends on it  .

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LexAnger

Hi Alice, 

 

lexapro to is about twice potent as to Paxil. Attached is the equivallent dose between saris.

 

lex

image.jpg

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Happy2Heal
3 hours ago, Alice1 said:

Hi everybody ,

I just read somewhere that 20mg of Lexapro is equal to 60mg of paxil ..Am I going to survive this ?  Please be truthful  . im so desperate .  am I in a category of not recovering due to such a high dose and 6 week taper ?  Please please give it to me straight .. My life depends on it  .

 

hon you need to try to calm yourself down, ok??

I was on a MUCH higher dose of lexapro for a couple of years (or more, my memory is shot) I was started on 20 mgs, rapidly went up to 30 mgs and then was put on 40mgs.

 

I rapid tapered or CT off this same drug several times. (check out my signature)

 

I survived and YOU ARE GOING TO, AS WELL.

 

your brain is causing symptoms that feel awful and you are getting scared, but you are OK NOW. You are really OK right now, and you are going to BE OK in the future. I think you may be in an emotional spiral of fear/anxiety and it's feeding on itself

 

If you can, stop reading about withdrawal UNLESS it's to read the success stories, and even then, maybe not those, since they often chronicle how hard recovery was.

 


Just sit with yourself and breathe. Look around. Is anything horrible happening right now? are you in pain? is your body intact? do you have a roof over your head and food to eat and clothes on your back?

 

you are FINE. There is nothing to fear. You are OK now and you continue to be OK

 

your thoughts can not hurt you.

I guess I should add, UNLESS YOU LET THEM

 

right now, I think you may be letting your thoughts control and scare you.
DON"T BELIEVE THEM

they are just thoughts, just thin air, just NOTHING really, nothing to be so worried about.

 

I KNOW what you are going thru , I have BEEN EXACTLY where you are now.

once you realize that its just your thoughts in your head and that these thoughts are not harmful you can start to detach from them and I PROMISE YOU that when you do that, you WILL feel better.

 

Seriously!! OK?

 

 

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Alice1

Thank you H2H 

Im going to try to do exactly that, My father read your post and said youre right on the money .. I am absolutely obsessed with this in the wrong way ..I realize that .. If I didn't have my daughter I would let it eat me alive with no problems but somehow being a daddy makes this so terrible ..

 

I really do appreciate all that you've told me H2H ..I really do .

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Alice1

and thank you Lex for the chart ..

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Happy2Heal
7 minutes ago, Alice1 said:

Thank you H2H 

Im going to try to do exactly that, My father read your post and said youre right on the money .. I am absolutely obsessed with this in the wrong way ..I realize that .. If I didn't have my daughter I would let it eat me alive with no problems but somehow being a daddy makes this so terrible ..

 

I really do appreciate all that you've told me H2H ..I really do .

 

 

it can be difficult when you're in the middle of it, to find the way out, but once you start recognizing and challenging your thoughts, you will start to feel an immense sense of relief

 

realizing that you have the CHOICE to be obsessed or not, that is what makes the difference

 

But I remember being where you are now, and it's not easy to turn it around, but I am sure you can do it

 

try to let go off any "shoulds" that come up in your thoughts, because this is an extraordinary circumstance, what we are going thru and there are NO shoulds....

there is just getting thru the best way we can

 

I know you can do this, you just to try to re connect with that place inside you that knows it too.

 

you're going great, you really are. I'm glad you've got your dad there to help you out, that's wonderful

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Alice1

Thank you H2H ,

I realize Ive freaked out a lot this last wave . Ive actually had more windows this month than any other month . They are only 2 hours long on average but theyre windows ..  Its just when akathisia ,DR DP , dizziness and terror all hit at once , geezz .. Its so tough to be tough . Going to take a long weekend and try to relax . Also im going to cut back my work hours some ..I think the walking 30 minutes a day is fine but I might cut that back a little too..

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TryingToHoldOn
1 hour ago, Alice1 said:

Thank you H2H ,

I realize Ive freaked out a lot this last wave ....Its just when akathisia ,DR DP , dizziness and terror all hit at once , geezz .. Its so tough to be tough . 

Me, too Alice.  I've been in major panic mode this last wave.  You'd think we'd be pros at dealing with it now. Lol

 

Listen to H2H - she gives great advice.  

 

Tomorrow is another day...

 

Be we'll, my friend.

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