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TryingToHoldOn: Sertraline - protracted WD 6 months after last dose?

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baroquep

Hang in there, I am gping to discuss your history will the other mods and someone will get back to you.  

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bubble

Hello Trying.

 

I went through your whole thread since the beginning and what I noticed is that you had one big wave like this in April. But it passed. You started writing about windows here and there, you wrote that 2 of your symptoms have completely gone.

 

I would treat this as another major wave couple with battle fatigue. You've been bravely fighting for so long that it is natural to feel tired and exhausted.

 

You wrote at one point that you admire people who go through WD gracefully. Nobody does that! I was just crying and feeling totally helpless and pathetic yesterday and the day before. Ando also felt hopeless and helpless and like I can't take it any more. It happens to all of us. Don't put too high expectations from yourself. 

 

I admire how you are able to take care of two kids. I'm on my own and although I would very much want to have a child on most days I'm actually grateful I don't have hem because I can hardly cope with myself and you have been doing so much!

 

You have every right to ask for help: from your parents, from your husband, paying somebody. the worst bit for me when I have to take time for myself to heal is the feeling of guilt. But we have to do it. 

 

Some time before your symptoms got worse and resulted in this post you wrote how you had to ask your parents to buy clothes for the kids and how you panicked seeing all that clothes that needed to be sorted and so on. You are not weak for doing that. What you are going through is so difficult and so far you were able to push through so much. But you have the right not to push yourself too much. I don't have kids but my personal struggle to stay afloat is going to work. When I experience moments of panic it is a clear sign I must stop pushing myself I must back off.

 

It means I have to go to my GP and explain what is wrong with me (again), I even had to see a psychiatrist just to get the time off work, I have to explain things to my boss and colleagues and they are far from happy - so it's a horrible thing for me to go through. But I must do it for myself and my healing. I know very well that if I push myself, my symptoms will only get worse and my priority is to take care of myself. Even if everyone is pissed off with me.

 

Symptoms such as those are a shout from our brains to stop pushing ourselves, be selfish and apply more self-care. 

 

What can you do to let go of the pressure? Don't think about how this will inconvenience others. Think about what you need because you are suicidal and this is very serious. you have to do something for yourself. 

 

When you looked at those clothes, that was a call. You pushed through because it was a 'normal' thing to do so you didn't reply to that call and things started spiraling out of control and now you have los that bigger picture and are just totally overwhelmed.

 

I don't know if this will help. I could see so much of what I experience. I wouldn't think about reinstating, primarily. You were experiencing clear windows. I would focus on self-care and see what happens. Give it a few days. Don't think about ever, never. Don't even think about net week or tomorrow. Think what you can do for yourself now to make it through the next hour and so. You will recover. Your brain has already shown clear signs of recovery. This is just a set back provoked by too much pressure. Our brains are very fragile and they need to be spared. If they are not they get very unhappy. But if we give them what they need, they bounce back.

 

If suicidal thoughts are strong, do something so that you are safe. My therapist gave me advice that I really liked: I was to write on a piece of paper the number of a help line and a close person I could talk to (and that person wouldn't get scared or call the police or something). That made me feel better.

 

Let us know what you think about this (if I managed to be clear).  We can always discuss reinstating but I would first try this.

 

Keep us posted and take care. You are very strong and you will get through this and things will get better soon. That's the nature of waves: they pass. 

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TryingToHoldOn
On 10/20/2017 at 2:17 PM, baroquep said:

Hang in there, I am gping to discuss your history will the other mods and someone will get back to you.  

Thank you, Baroquep.

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TryingToHoldOn
On 10/20/2017 at 2:57 PM, bubble said:

Hello Trying.

 

I went through your whole thread since the beginning and what I noticed is that you had one big wave like this in April. But it passed. You started writing about windows here and there, you wrote that 2 of your symptoms have completely gone.

 

I would treat this as another major wave couple with battle fatigue. You've been bravely fighting for so long that it is natural to feel tired and exhausted.

 

You wrote at one point that you admire people who go through WD gracefully. Nobody does that! I was just crying and feeling totally helpless and pathetic yesterday and the day before. Ando also felt hopeless and helpless and like I can't take it any more. It happens to all of us. Don't put too high expectations from yourself. 

 

I admire how you are able to take care of two kids. I'm on my own and although I would very much want to have a child on most days I'm actually grateful I don't have hem because I can hardly cope with myself and you have been doing so much!

 

You have every right to ask for help: from your parents, from your husband, paying somebody. the worst bit for me when I have to take time for myself to heal is the feeling of guilt. But we have to do it. 

 

Some time before your symptoms got worse and resulted in this post you wrote how you had to ask your parents to buy clothes for the kids and how you panicked seeing all that clothes that needed to be sorted and so on. You are not weak for doing that. What you are going through is so difficult and so far you were able to push through so much. But you have the right not to push yourself too much. I don't have kids but my personal struggle to stay afloat is going to work. When I experience moments of panic it is a clear sign I must stop pushing myself I must back off.

 

It means I have to go to my GP and explain what is wrong with me (again), I even had to see a psychiatrist just to get the time off work, I have to explain things to my boss and colleagues and they are far from happy - so it's a horrible thing for me to go through. But I must do it for myself and my healing. I know very well that if I push myself, my symptoms will only get worse and my priority is to take care of myself. Even if everyone is pissed off with me.

 

Symptoms such as those are a shout from our brains to stop pushing ourselves, be selfish and apply more self-care. 

 

What can you do to let go of the pressure? Don't think about how this will inconvenience others. Think about what you need because you are suicidal and this is very serious. you have to do something for yourself. 

 

When you looked at those clothes, that was a call. You pushed through because it was a 'normal' thing to do so you didn't reply to that call and things started spiraling out of control and now you have los that bigger picture and are just totally overwhelmed.

 

I don't know if this will help. I could see so much of what I experience. I wouldn't think about reinstating, primarily. You were experiencing clear windows. I would focus on self-care and see what happens. Give it a few days. Don't think about ever, never. Don't even think about net week or tomorrow. Think what you can do for yourself now to make it through the next hour and so. You will recover. Your brain has already shown clear signs of recovery. This is just a set back provoked by too much pressure. Our brains are very fragile and they need to be spared. If they are not they get very unhappy. But if we give them what they need, they bounce back.

 

If suicidal thoughts are strong, do something so that you are safe. My therapist gave me advice that I really liked: I was to write on a piece of paper the number of a help line and a close person I could talk to (and that person wouldn't get scared or call the police or something). That made me feel better.

 

Let us know what you think about this (if I managed to be clear).  We can always discuss reinstating but I would first try this.

 

Keep us posted and take care. You are very strong and you will get through this and things will get better soon. That's the nature of waves: they pass. 

Bubble,

 

Thank you so much for your in depth reply and taking the time to read my entire thread.  I appreciate your insight and feedback especially when you are suffering from WD as well.

 

Honestly, I am so desperately ill. There are so many components that are torturing me that I don't even know how to address or convey the severity of it.  I am truly afraid that I have been permanently damaged.  I continue to get worse instead of better and I'm at a loss.  I really don't know what the right thing is.  I know for a fact the medications caused and damaged me, but I am highly doubtful that my brain will right itself, even if given enough time.  I also believe that another medication could be the 'final nail in the coffin' if I had the courage to try one.

 

There are so many people on this thread who have been suffering for years and years.  Where is the hope in that?  Another member also posted that even after years of being drug free they are still not well or where they'd hope to be by now.  It was a wake up call to be informed not to assume that many leave and not return to this site because 'they are living life.'

 

I just can't believe that I'm in this position and often feel like there is only one option left to escape this relentless pain.  Does it really end?  Does it really get better?  

 

I'm terribly sorry for this negative post, but it's just where I'm at right now.  At 7 months out, I believe you're right about my battle fatigue.  I just don't know how to push on.  

 

 

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Survivor1

Hello Trying,

 

My heart really goes out to you!  You clearly have inner reserves of strength that is pulling you through.  

 

It is really a good sign that you had a window.  Sometimes you have to latch on to something to give you confidence that you will get better and that window is one thing.  You are not damaged.  Because you are in acute WD it feels like you will never get better, but you will.  While many are still suffering after years being off drugs, there are many who have healed.  Don't give up hope. Unfortunately you have to go through it to get to the other side.

 

Some things that have taken the edge off WD in the past for me are:

EFT - google it, has to do with tapping strategic points on your body.  It was a good distraction for me.

Pacing

Repeating aloud over and over "it's only WD", or similar phrase.  This sounds simplistic, but it was also a good coping mechanism.

 

Maybe look into CBT therapy (that's how I learned about EFT), acupuncture.

 

You are superhuman to be going through this, with two little children.  Please hang in there somehow.  I wish you the best.

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TryingToHoldOn
On 10/26/2017 at 4:43 PM, Survivor1 said:

Hello Trying,

 

My heart really goes out to you!  You clearly have inner reserves of strength that is pulling you through.  

 

It is really a good sign that you had a window.  Sometimes you have to latch on to something to give you confidence that you will get better and that window is one thing.  You are not damaged.  Because you are in acute WD it feels like you will never get better, but you will.  While many are still suffering after years being off drugs, there are many who have healed.  Don't give up hope. Unfortunately you have to go through it to get to the other side.

 

Some things that have taken the edge off WD in the past for me are:

EFT - google it, has to do with tapping strategic points on your body.  It was a good distraction for me.

Pacing

Repeating aloud over and over "it's only WD", or similar phrase.  This sounds simplistic, but it was also a good coping mechanism.

 

Maybe look into CBT therapy (that's how I learned about EFT), acupuncture.

 

You are superhuman to be going through this, with two little children.  Please hang in there somehow.  I wish you the best.

Thank you, Survivor1.  I hope you are doing well.

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bubble

How are you doing now?

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TryingToHoldOn

Bubble,

 

Thank you for checking in on me.  The deep, dark suicidal depression is now intermittent so I am so grateful for even the smallest break from that.  Now at the forefront is this underlying panic that never leaves me and crippling social anxiety.  I’ve had situational anxiety before, but it was never to the point that I couldn’t hang out or talk to my friends.  I can barely converse with my children and my husband.  Will this all go?  I am so afraid that i’m going to left as an highly anxious and barely functioning individual when this is all over.

 

Another distressing symptom is my insomnia that i’ve Had since December 2016.  I can go for days without sleep and instead of being exhausted I am left with an electrical wired feeling.  Isn’t this a sign of bipolar disorder?

 

i am trying to keep calm and meditate every day, but I feel like i’m on the verge of losing it on a daily basis.

 

Another friend of mine went thru ambien WD and suffered for a year.  She said the only thing that helped her was another med, remeron specifically, which she then tapered off.  She insists that I will never get well without the aid of a medication.

 

I am terrified of meds at this point and I am also terried of my current state.

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bubble
44 minutes ago, TryingToHoldOn said:

I’ve had situational anxiety before, but it was never to the point that I couldn’t hang out or talk to my friends.  I can barely converse with my children and my husband.  Will this all go?

 

This very half sentence the essence of withdawal: it's much more intense than any of the symptoms we experienced before.

 

Of course it will go away! I'm tapering at when I cut too much or get stressed I experience deep, deep disfunctionality, among other things can't talk to people because it is so overwhelming. But as my brain stabilises, it goes away!

 

I've had it happen for so many times but every time I again feel I'll be

47 minutes ago, TryingToHoldOn said:

left as an highly anxious and barely functioning individual

 

And then I start functioning again!

 

Belief that this is permanent is a waithdrawal symptom in itself.

49 minutes ago, TryingToHoldOn said:

am trying to keep calm and meditate every day

This is an excellent strategy. It's like putting money in a bank and before long you will get your payback.

 

50 minutes ago, TryingToHoldOn said:

She insists that I will never get well without the aid of a medication.

That's her experience. I'm big on pro reinstatement. It reduces suffering. But even if people decided to avoid the risk of possible adverse reaction, they also recover.

 

Your friend probably didn't see many experiences except her own.

 

Testing reinstatement of a tiny amount is an option (I must have suggested in early days, I always do). But since you decided to tough it out you are actually doing well.

53 minutes ago, TryingToHoldOn said:

am so grateful for even the smallest break from that.

This is the way to do it! I have a great confidence that somebody will stay off the drugs and recover once they are able not only to experience but to acknowledge however brief periods of relief (as opposed to focusing on the general feeling of unwellness).

 

I survived my CTs by just focusing on those initially tiny windows and did my best to ignore the rest.

 

Did you read success stories? That's a great resource for when we need to be reminded that we will recover.

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TryingToHoldOn

Thank you again, Bubble.

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TryingToHoldOn

 

Just some hope.  God knows I need any type of encouragement I can get.  I hope it helps others as well.

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Survivor1

Trying, have you been able to catch a break?

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Littlegrandma

T

thanks for posting the video. 

Was a good day for me to see it. I'm in need of a little hope. 

Lg

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TryingToHoldOn
On 11/14/2017 at 5:27 PM, Survivor1 said:

Trying, have you been able to catch a break?

Here and there, but the waves always come crashing down.  It’s mental torture, but I just have to keep pushing forward.  Hope things are nice and stable for you.  Thanks for checking in!

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TryingToHoldOn
On 11/14/2017 at 7:29 PM, Littlegrandma said:

T

thanks for posting the video. 

Was a good day for me to see it. I'm in need of a little hope. 

Lg

LG,

 

I pray you are experiencing better days.  I’m glad this video gave you a little hope.  WD is extremely difficult to deal with.  

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Littlegrandma

Thanks T

having a rough time right now. It is mental torture! I'm trying to be patient but I seem to be going backwards. Glad you're at least catching a break sometimes. 

Sometimes isn't enough.   Lg

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Relentless27

Hey T,

 

How are you doing these days? I'm almost 5 months off 2 month taper of Prozac. Did you ever experience just plain terror around this time? It feels like the crap hit the fan around 4.5 months. can you relate to this? I'm just trying to find someone who knows what i'm talking about. I hope you are doing well and I will try to be of support in any way I can. thanks.

 

R

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BAT

Hello relentless27..

 

I just wanted to say I was on Prozac (but also on and off many others) so not sure if it's strictly was the Prozac but when I went off last year begin of Sept  the next 5 months were up and down but around the 5 month things started to get worse and each month since has just gotten worse.  I dont understand it.  

Do you have any other symptoms?

How were you doing the first 4 months off?

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