TryingToHoldOn: Sertraline - protracted WD 6 months after last dose?

[TryingToHoldOn]

I just want to die.  There I said.  I can’t take one more day of this insane mental and physical pain.  I’m not in a wave, i’m In a ******* category 5 hurricane.  I have lost all hope.  There is no healing from this.  I have permanent brain damage.  Jesus, if you are a kind and loving god please don’t let me wake tomorrow.

[nz11]

Don't give up hope TTHO 

It will ease up and a window is just around the corner.

Wishing for the storm to ease up.

Can you right any complaint letters to people in the land of enchantment? Would you consider it a possibility/

nz11

 

[Littlegrandma]

Oh T, 

i am so sorry. Please don’t give up hope. This is truly hell on earth, but you will heal. Another window is about to open. I am praying you will get relief tomorrow. 

HUGS Lg

[direstraits]

please keepholding on.

I've been where you are and it DOES get better....please don't give up.

praying you get relief.

xx

 

[Rosetta]

Hang in there, Trying.  Everyone here is thinking of you and sending you good vibes.  I know this is very hard.  It's the strangest SI I've ever felt.  It's not simply stronger than regular SI; it's quality is different.  It's different in more than one way, but I can't find the words to describe it.  Maybe it's grief and fear and exhaustion plus anger.  Maybe that covers it, but there's something more I have no words to describe.  

 

Breathe . . . Remember how it feels to be elsewhere, remember how it feels to love, remember how it feels to be comforted by someone you trust.  When you can't feel any good feelings simply remember how you used to feel when you felt safe.  Go to that place; go to that person in your mind.  You may not be able to internalize this, but imagine that you will be there -- in someone's safe arms -- again.  Remember that you will be on the other side of this wave just like you passed through all the others.  Imagine that over and over again.

 

Now, do you need water?  You may be dehydrated.  Drink some water.  

Do you have a heating pad to put around your shoulders?  

Can you drink milk?  Put milk in a mug and microwave for 45 seconds.  Sit down.  Drink it.  

 

Do you need to eat? Eat some protein -- a piece of lunch meat?  Some cheese?

 

Have some more water.  Reheat the heating pad.  Have more warm milk if you still feel bad.

 

That's my routine --if I can manage it -- when I feel anxiety or anything worse.  Please try it.

 

Again, remember how it feels to be elsewhere, remember how it feels to love, remember how it feels to be comforted by someone you trust.  Simply remember how you used to feel when you felt safe.  

 

Maybe be you can cry now?  Let yourself cry if you can.

 

Everyone here is thinking of you.

 

Rosetta

[Terry4949]

5 hours ago, TryingToHoldOn said:

I just want to die.  There I said.  I can’t take one more day of this insane mental and physical pain.  I’m not in a wave, i’m In a ******* category 5 hurricane.  I have lost all hope.  There is no healing from this.  I have permanent brain damage.  Jesus, if you are a kind and loving god please don’t let me wake tomorrow.

Ttho , I know just how you feel I am in the same boat our symptoms are so a like I like you pray that I don’t wake up tomorrow , mornings for me are always a lot worse my body feels like it is full of poison , we have to just try and survive today I am so sick so I truly no what you are feeling hang in there .

[TryingToHoldOn]

Thank you everyone for your support.  I will respond to you all individually when i’m feeling better.  

 

I hope you’re all finding a little relief.

[Madeleine]

Just wanted to offer my positive thoughts. Have faith and hope. You will feel better. 

[Littlegrandma]

T, 

sending up more prayers for you. 

Keep hanging on. 

You will feel better soon!!  

Hugs   Lg

[Rosetta]

Hang on, Trying.  We are sending you good thoughts.

[Survivor1]

Hello Trying,

 

I know you are going through a difficult time.  Please hang in there, it will get better.

[TryingToHoldOn]

I keep developing new scary and painful symptoms at 10 months out.

 

Does anyone else have burning brain?  It feels like acid has been poured into my head. 

 

Also, my face feels like it’s burning, numb and so tight all at once.

 

Has anyone else had this and did it go away?

 

I am barely able to function and am in a much worse state than even 2 months ago.  

 

This is utter bullsh*t.  I wish I could pour a bottle of these poisons down the throat of the NP and watch suffer in utter torment.  Then I would tell her it’s just anxiety.  Stupid b*tch.

 

 

 

[Littlegrandma]

Hey T

sorry you’re still suffering. 

Yes. I get the burning face. Also feels numb. I have it today but to a milder degree. Usually happens when I get the pins and needles all over my body. I told my husband the other night it felt like somebody was holding a branding iron to my face. I also get the burning on my upper inner leg. 

 

I don’t think it’s uncommon. There’s at least one other person I talk to that gets it. And I’ve read on the forum of others that have such bad burning, they use ice. 

 

Its crazy what new symptoms pop up all the time. Some people get a couple symptoms. Some of us are lucky to get all of them. 

 

Hope you feel better soon. I’ve been thinking about you. xx Lg

[Kristine]

Hey T,  just thought I'd pipe in with LG and reassure you you are not alone with these symptoms.  I get burning skin but mainly my arms and legs.  I've also had burning soles of my feet. Felt like they had been dipped in acid.  I resorted to strapping on ice packs.  The latter only happened over a two day but continuous period...it was approximately 10 days after a 5mg drop of dexamphetamine (prior to SA education).  Hope this eases soon. K 🌻

[Littlegrandma]

T

i just reread. Burning brain. Yes. 

numb, burning, actually feels hot. Acid is good analogy. And burning pressure in ears. 

Just wanted you to know you’re not alone. It will pass. Not soon enough. But it will.   Lg

[LexAnger]

2 hours ago, TryingToHoldOn said:

I keep developing new scary and painful symptoms at 10 months out.

 

Does anyone else have burning brain?  It feels like acid has been poured into my head. 

 

Also, my face feels like it’s burning, numb and so tight all at once.

 

Has anyone else had this and did it go away?

 

I am barely able to function and am in a much worse state than even 2 months ago.  

 

This is utter bullsh*t.  I wish I could pour a bottle of these poisons down the throat of the NP and watch suffer in utter torment.  Then I would tell her it’s just anxiety.  Stupid b*tch.

 

 

 

Hi Trying,

 

i have been following you for a while and know how you feel and your struggling as I am going through very similar situation for a few years.

 

i have the severe burning ( pins and needles when it's bad) allover my head, face, upper body all these years day in and out during taper and still do now I'm 4 months off. My head feels like exploding and actually feels like a rock. My numb is so bad making my entire left brain and body paralyzed.  I know I have been kindled by updosing lexapro multiple times so I'm not even sure if these symptoms are from Wd or drug reaction.

 

is the burning brain a new symptom for you just started recently? I read your earlier updates and saw it was there too.is  it different from before? Also have you ever had it before you stopped those drugs?

 

i keep reading the success stories especially when I feel very desparate so to keep the faith that we eventually will heal even its so hard to believe after years of journey. From many others experience, your turning point can be any day and hour! I remember Baylissa said new symptoms is a sign of healing.

 

hope you get a nice long break soon!

 

lex

 

 

 

 

[Survivor1]

Oh Trying, my heart breaks for you.  I do not know what to suggest; are you at least sleeping somewhat? These drugs have caused so much suffering, but the professionals don't seem to get it.  I applaud you for not taking any meds for WD symptoms (like for sleep for instance).

 

I am not at you level of suffering, but I do understand how hopeless it can feel at times.  I seem to have developed serotonin syndrome and now have to figure out how to discontinue my drug as safely but as quickly as possible. 

 

Please hang in there, many are rooting for you.

 

[Rosetta]

Hi Trying,

 

Thinking of you.  I'm so sad that you have this scary burning brain symptom.  

 

Rosetta

[Rosetta]

Trying, Hi.  I don't want you to feel pressure to post, but I'm thinking of you and hoping you are getting by ok under the circumstances.  Sending good thoughts your way.  -- Rosetta

[anongrl5590]

Hey Trying - 

 

I just stumbled upon your thread and wanted to say hello and that I am experiencing all the same symptoms as you have (plus more unfortunately)! I CT off of Prozac and am now 16 months out. I have severe burning, squeezing brain almost everyday so I know how that must feel for you. Even right now as I type this, I have the burning brain. It's so excruciating! But it does come and go. I really hope we both see some improvements soon and make it to the next window of relief (even if it's not 100% relief). Would you say you've made improvements since the beginning months of WD?

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 1/7/2018 at 5:23 PM, nz11 said:

Don't give up hope TTHO 

It will ease up and a window is just around the corner.

Wishing for the storm to ease up.

Can you right any complaint letters to people in the land of enchantment? Would you consider it a possibility/

nz11

 

Thank you, NZ.  Can you share with me what your symptoms were the first two years of your WD, both mental & physical?

 

I can’t write a complaint letter now because I can barely function and my cognitive ability is so bad.  

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 1/7/2018 at 5:29 PM, Littlegrandma said:

Oh T, 

i am so sorry. Please don’t give up hope. This is truly hell on earth, but you will heal. Another window is about to open. I am praying you will get relief tomorrow. 

HUGS Lg

Lg,

 

I pray that you are seeing better days.  I am getting worse with no windows.  Desperate.

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 1/7/2018 at 5:45 PM, direstraits said:

please keepholding on.

I've been where you are and it DOES get better....please don't give up.

praying you get relief.

xx

 

DS,

 

Thank you so much for your kind words.  I am holding on, but there is absolutely no relief.  I hope you are well.

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 1/7/2018 at 8:52 PM, Rosetta said:

Hang in there, Trying.  Everyone here is thinking of you and sending you good vibes.  I know this is very hard.  It's the strangest SI I've ever felt.  It's not simply stronger than regular SI; it's quality is different.  It's different in more than one way, but I can't find the words to describe it.  Maybe it's grief and fear and exhaustion plus anger.  Maybe that covers it, but there's something more I have no words to describe.  

 

Breathe . . . Remember how it feels to be elsewhere, remember how it feels to love, remember how it feels to be comforted by someone you trust.  When you can't feel any good feelings simply remember how you used to feel when you felt safe.  Go to that place; go to that person in your mind.  You may not be able to internalize this, but imagine that you will be there -- in someone's safe arms -- again.  Remember that you will be on the other side of this wave just like you passed through all the others.  Imagine that over and over again.

 

Now, do you need water?  You may be dehydrated.  Drink some water.  

Do you have a heating pad to put around your shoulders?  

Can you drink milk?  Put milk in a mug and microwave for 45 seconds.  Sit down.  Drink it.  

 

Do you need to eat? Eat some protein -- a piece of lunch meat?  Some cheese?

 

Have some more water.  Reheat the heating pad.  Have more warm milk if you still feel bad.

 

That's my routine --if I can manage it -- when I feel anxiety or anything worse.  Please try it.

 

Again, remember how it feels to be elsewhere, remember how it feels to love, remember how it feels to be comforted by someone you trust.  Simply remember how you used to feel when you felt safe.  

 

Maybe be you can cry now?  Let yourself cry if you can.

 

Everyone here is thinking of you.

 

Rosetta

Thank you, Rosetta.  It is easy to have hope when you get windows or can see little improvements.  I continue to get worse and worse.  I’m so scared.

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 1/7/2018 at 10:50 PM, Terry4949 said:

Ttho , I know just how you feel I am in the same boat our symptoms are so a like I like you pray that I don’t wake up tomorrow , mornings for me are always a lot worse my body feels like it is full of poison , we have to just try and survive today I am so sick so I truly no what you are feeling hang in there .

Terry, I hope you’re finding some relief.

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 1/17/2018 at 6:55 PM, Madeleine said:

Just wanted to offer my positive thoughts. Have faith and hope. You will feel better. 

Thank you, Madeleine.

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 1/28/2018 at 6:43 PM, Kristine said:

Hey T,  just thought I'd pipe in with LG and reassure you you are not alone with these symptoms.  I get burning skin but mainly my arms and legs.  I've also had burning soles of my feet. Felt like they had been dipped in acid.  I resorted to strapping on ice packs.  The latter only happened over a two day but continuous period...it was approximately 10 days after a 5mg drop of dexamphetamine (prior to SA education).  Hope this eases soon. K 🌻

K, 

I read your story awhile back, but was too unwell to post.  You are a courageous woman.  I truly hope you win this fight.  I wish I could be as gracious and level-headed in the midst of this.  Wishing you lots of strength and endurance.

[Rosetta]

1 minute ago, TryingToHoldOn said:

Thank you, Rosetta.  It is easy to have hope when you get windows or can see little improvements.  I continue to get worse and worse.  I’m so scared.

 

Yes, I know that without the windows it is much harder.  I am so sorry for what you are experiencing.  I wish I could help you somehow.  You will have a window.  Until then I'll be sending the best thoughts your way. --Rosetta

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 1/28/2018 at 8:34 PM, LexAnger said:

Hi Trying,

 

i have been following you for a while and know how you feel and your struggling as I am going through very similar situation for a few years.

 

i have the severe burning ( pins and needles when it's bad) allover my head, face, upper body all these years day in and out during taper and still do now I'm 4 months off. My head feels like exploding and actually feels like a rock. My numb is so bad making my entire left brain and body paralyzed.  I know I have been kindled by updosing lexapro multiple times so I'm not even sure if these symptoms are from Wd or drug reaction.

 

is the burning brain a new symptom for you just started recently? I read your earlier updates and saw it was there too.is  it different from before? Also have you ever had it before you stopped those drugs?

 

i keep reading the success stories especially when I feel very desparate so to keep the faith that we eventually will heal even its so hard to believe after years of journey. From many others experience, your turning point can be any day and hour! I remember Baylissa said new symptoms is a sign of healing.

 

hope you get a nice long break soon!

 

lex

 

 

 

 

Lex,

 

i am so so sorry that you’re suffering from these horrendous symptoms.  I’ve read your thread and am astonished that even a slow taper didn’t protect you.  You have a positive attitude that will serve you well.

 

I never had physical symptoms until I was reinstated on sertraline in the hospital and ended up with serotonin syndrome.  Prior to that, I just had horrendous and anxiety and severe suicidal depression with crying spells.  The adverse reaction has destroyed me.  Beginning of month 10 ALL my symptoms ramped up 10 fold and i’m nit sure how much longer I can hang on.  I am terrified.

 

i hope that you see recovery soon and i’m So sorry you’ve had to go through this painful journey.

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 1/29/2018 at 11:04 AM, Survivor1 said:

Oh Trying, my heart breaks for you.  I do not know what to suggest; are you at least sleeping somewhat? These drugs have caused so much suffering, but the professionals don't seem to get it.  I applaud you for not taking any meds for WD symptoms (like for sleep for instance).

 

I am not at you level of suffering, but I do understand how hopeless it can feel at times.  I seem to have developed serotonin syndrome and now have to figure out how to discontinue my drug as safely but as quickly as possible. 

 

Please hang in there, many are rooting for you.

 

Thank you for your support, Survivor.  Very bad sleep stool.  Insomnia since Dec2016 and I don’t take anything for sleep.

 

Serotonin syndrome should be taken very seriously.  Please proceed cautiously and wisely.  I pray that you’re able to untangle yourself from these drugs smoothly.  Wishing you all the best.

[TryingToHoldOn]

On 2/6/2018 at 2:50 AM, anongrl5590 said:

Hey Trying - 

 

I just stumbled upon your thread and wanted to say hello and that I am experiencing all the same symptoms as you have (plus more unfortunately)! I CT off of Prozac and am now 16 months out. I have severe burning, squeezing brain almost everyday so I know how that must feel for you. Even right now as I type this, I have the burning brain. It's so excruciating! But it does come and go. I really hope we both see some improvements soon and make it to the next window of relief (even if it's not 100% relief). Would you say you've made improvements since the beginning months of WD?

A,

I’m sorry that you have burning brain.  It’s horrible, but i’m Glad that yours comes and goes.  Have you seen much improvement at 16 months off?

 

i found significant relief at 8 months, but got thrown back into excruciating hell at 10 months.  I’m back to surviving each second with absolutely no relief since.

 

 

[TryingToHoldOn]

13 minutes ago, Rosetta said:

 

Yes, I know that without the windows it is much harder.  I am so sorry for what you are experiencing.  I wish I could help you somehow.  You will have a window.  Until then I'll be sending the best thoughts your way. --Rosetta

R,

 

Thank you.  I hope you continue to see improvement.  It’s important that you do for your husband and little girl.  

[TryingToHoldOn]

Update: 11 months off

 

This will be my last update unless I see some significant improvement.  I’ve wanted to reach out to so many people, but have been unable to engage due to WD.  I see a lot of brave people out there who endure day in and day out.  You don’t realize how strong you are!  

 

I found significant improvement at 8 months off.  For the first time I had hope and could actually see improvement.  Then at 10 months it’s been a steady and rapid decline with no relief since.  I have so many symptoms, but here are the ones that plague me the most:

 

*insomnia - severe (since Dec 2016)

*suicidal depression - constant

*intense/uncontrollable crying spells

*panic/terror/anxiety

*despair - never ending

*cognitive impairment - severe

*akathisia - severe

*head/brain symptoms: burning, pulsating, throbbing, pressure, numbness, stabbing

 

On my best day, I tell myself I can make it until bed time even though every second is a struggle.  On my worst day, I wish I would just die to end this physical and mental suffering.  These type of days reign.  

 

I hope that I can return to my thread one day and report profound healing.  That is the miracle I constantly pray for.

[Littlegrandma]

Oh T

im praying for a miracle for you!!

im so sorry you’re in such agony. 

It makes my heart hurt. 

I hope to see you on this thread soon. That will be a good sign. 

 

You will heal. I’m just sorry it is taking so long. Big hugs to you and hope we hear from you soon. 

 

Love, Lg. xx

[LexAnger]

Hi trying,

 

totally understand. I'm too waiting for a good turning point before my next update.

remember you are not alone and healing is happening even we feel it's not. 

Be kind to yourself and just wait for your time to come.

 

lex

[Rosetta]

2 hours ago, TryingToHoldOn said:

I hope that I can return to my thread one day and report profound healing.  That is the miracle I constantly pray for.

 

You will, Trying.  You know that I went through a period almost as intense as yours?  It's not on my thread in real time.  It was impossible for me to join here during that time.  I joined after it began to improve -- after I had a couple of Windows.  I had all of your symptoms except the head/brain symptoms.  I am so very glad I was able to make it through.  It was one day at a time.  One hour at a time.  It lifted.  I know it seems that it never will.  I know it seems that it will last forever.  It won't.  You will get through this.  I know you will.

 

Rosetta