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Barbarannamated

Jemima mentioned a sense of URGENCY to act in another thread. This is strong with me but I haven't seen it mentioned in those words. An urgency to recoup lost time, to redo all of the things I did wrong or incompletely while drugged.

Thank you, Jemima!

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Coleen

Here it is August, and i'm still weaning off of Effexor. I tried going right down to 10 granules, but had to bump it back up to 30 because the neuro emotions were too intense for me to handle. Jealousy, anger, hopelessness, anxiety. God, I was finding it hard to find joy in life, and eve on 30 granules, it's not great. I wonder how long it is going to take for my brain to heal, and then I really get scared that this is just how I am. I was even tempted to just go back on, but I know in more lucid moments, that I really don't want that. Has anyone out there experienced this?

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Nikki

This was The Best explanation of what happens emotionally/mentally with us. It is very intense and we probably look like nut-jobs when we are in one of these spells.

 

I like Healing's advise of what to do when it pops up.

 

Coleen I have never taken venaflaxine, only ssri's. I've read many posts on this drug and I understand that it has to be taken very, very slowly. More so than the other AD's.

 

You said: I wonder how long it is going to take for my brain to heal, and then I really get scared that this is just how I am.

 

This is something I could never differentiate. Is this me or have I been adversely affected by the drugs. For me, I thinks it's both. I had anxiety since as far back as I can remember.

However, I believe that several WD's created a bigger problem.

 

I would love to be happy, joyous and free from Medications, ideally. However I have come to a point in my life where I just don't want to have anxiety anymore.

 

It took me years of fighting with myself to come to terms of acceptance.

 

If you are down to 10 grains of Effexor you have come a long, long way. So maybe for you, you can go further and be free of it. I just know it takes time and moving at a snails pace.

If at some point you decide to take medication, at least you will be free from Effexor. You've really accomplished alot in your taper ;)

 

Hugs

 

Best regards

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Coleen

Thanks Nikki. Effexor is a terrible drug to withdraw from, no doubt about it. I think the worst part of depression for me is the feeling of worthlessness, and invisibility. It strikes at the core of your being, and I'm not sure how to resolve it. It is from this horrible feeling that all the others seem to spring- jealousy, anger, resentment. I could withstand this negative period as long as I know I will come out of it. I'd love to get some good psychotherapy, but finding someone trustworthy and compatible is a daunting task. I have no idea how to be my own advocate.

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peggy

Coleen, what dose are you on now?

I know those feelings only too well - i am now going to go super, super slow - i plan to take 2 years to come off 37.5mg...I never want to updose again. But as soon as those neuro emotions kick in i just want to get rid of them - i find it hard to switch off and ride them through

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Coleen

Well, I went back up to 37.5. I'm not happy about it, but I can't function -I guess because I'm titrating too fast. I hate this neuro emotion effect- it's debilitating. You could lose a lot of friends from it! The thing that bothers me is that it only takes a little thing to send me into a spin.

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areyouthere

I agree, these intense feelings triggered by neuro-emotion might illuminate what always was there, the most hidden vulnerability, the deepest fear.

For me fear of failure. A person has to be very strong to cope with this and not get overwhelmed.

 

God help me and all others coping.

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Coleen

I ended up going back to 75 Mg. I plan on going down extremely slowly from here. I can't handle the neuro emotions- they are far too intense. Quite a hard lesson!

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Altostrata

Don't feel bad, Colleen, most of us have been there with intense neuro-emotions, they can be very difficult.

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Rhiannon

I ended up going back to 75 Mg. I plan on going down extremely slowly from here. I can't handle the neuro emotions- they are far too intense. Quite a hard lesson!

 

I think the key is tapering slowly and taking long enough breaks (holds) whenever you first begin to experience symptoms, instead of waiting until they become intolerable.

 

So often people think, "oh this isn't so bad, I can tough it out" and keep pushing the taper.

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antoinette

I'm so happy I got directed to this post. I have horrible neuro emotions and I keep thinking is this me now? Is that really how I think? I have to remind myself its the withdrawal. Its very hard to do when your having that thought or emotion. I read that happens in the armydala (sp) of the brain? That explains a lot because I have horrible obsessive thoughts now and they say that's where they cone from is that part of the brain. I've never had them before until I got on lexapro and came off

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Coleen

I hear you Anoinette! It's really horrible, and I found I was very panicky at the thought " will I always be like this?" All I can say is slow down your taper so you don't get overwhelmed- I say this from my own experience.

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Jemima

Here it is August, and i'm still weaning off of Effexor. I tried going right down to 10 granules, but had to bump it back up to 30 because the neuro emotions were too intense for me to handle. Jealousy, anger, hopelessness, anxiety. God, I was finding it hard to find joy in life, and even on 30 granules, it's not great. I wonder how long it is going to take for my brain to heal, and then I really get scared that this is just how I am. I was even tempted to just go back on, but I know in more lucid moments, that I really don't want that. Has anyone out there experienced this?

 

Oh, absolutely. I've been off Lexapro almost nine months now and I'm still not back to normal, emotionally speaking. But hang on, it does get better. I've gone from feeling frequent sadness and fear two months ago to infrequent and lesser sadness or fear and occasional episodes of feeling happy or content now. Unlike a lot of withdrawal symptoms that come in windows and waves, this part of healing seems to be quite slow and gradual, to the point that I don't realize how much better I am unless I stop to think about it or experience those occasions of happiness, which are somewhat startling. There is a post somewhere in this section of the forum which quotes two doctors who note that normal emotions are the last thing to come back in withdrawal. Can't think of the title and don't have time to look right now, but just reading that was very reassuring for me.

 

This is not a personality trait of yours - it will get better!

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Nikki

So grateful Healing posted this topic and gave it a name.

 

Honestly I can push myself thru physical pain and discomfort so much more than the emotional stuff. This is where it feels like hell...the neuro emotions.

 

Hugs

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Nikki

It really does Strawberry....

 

I am already a hypersensitive person, so this is the height of unmanageability for me. What goes on between my ears is what torments me.

 

I notice that lack of sleep brings on Neuro-emotions, especially the insomnia brought on by dropping a dose.

 

Hugs

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Leeg81

I have also found myself venturing here, and am nodding in agreement to the idea of Neuro emotions.

 

In many ways, perhaps a key ingredient with depression - especially the withdrawal part, is to know the thoughts and negative waves are not really us, just a portion of this truly awful illness.

 

For me this has been the hardest part. Finding a method to contain such stupid thoughts which are not actual thoughts at all...

 

Lee.

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Altostrata

A lot of people find it helpful to separate "me" from "my symptoms."

 

This is a step towards unpatienting yourself, thinking of your symptoms as something you can manage rather than be ruled by.

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Jemima

One of the problems I've been having since getting over most of the physical symptoms of withdrawal are feelings of acute fear and loneliness, and I'm wondering if this is due to what Mercola describes in one of today's articles:

 

"8. Loneliness is Physically Painful

 

Loneliness is emotionally painful for sure, but it’s physically painful as well. In fact, both loneliness and physical pain are processed in the same region of your brain, the anterior cingulate cortex. So just as you have a powerful drive to avoid causing physical pain to your body, you have a similarly powerful drive to connect with others and seek companionship – in order to avoid painful feelings of loneliness." (Emphasis mine.)

 

I seem to remember this area of the brain being mentioned in an article about emotions being the last thing to come back after withdrawal. Anyone else remember that? Alto?

 

I would find it immensely reassuring to know that this is also part of the healing process and that it will pass. It is sometimes so bad that it feels like I'm being pinched in the gut with a very nasty tool.

 

Full article:

 

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2012/09/19/10-amazing-human-body-facts.aspx?e_cid=20120919_DNL_art_2

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Shanti

One of the problems I've been having since getting over most of the physical symptoms of withdrawal are feelings of acute fear and loneliness, and I'm wondering if this is due to what Mercola describes in one of today's articles:

 

"8. Loneliness is Physically Painful

 

Loneliness is emotionally painful for sure, but it’s physically painful as well. In fact, both loneliness and physical pain are processed in the same region of your brain, the anterior cingulate cortex. So just as you have a powerful drive to avoid causing physical pain to your body, you have a similarly powerful drive to connect with others and seek companionship – in order to avoid painful feelings of loneliness." (Emphasis mine.)

 

I seem to remember this area of the brain being mentioned in an article about emotions being the last thing to come back after withdrawal. Anyone else remember that? Alto?

 

I would find it immensely reassuring to know that this is also part of the healing process and that it will pass. It is sometimes so bad that it feels like I'm being pinched in the gut with a very nasty tool.

 

Full article:

 

http://articles.merc...20919_DNL_art_2

 

 

It totally can be! I distincly remember how odd it was that when I'd go through bouts of loneliness, that I not only felt it in my heart but my left foot. I'd get a sharp pain in my left foot lol. I could never figure out why it did that. It made for a good distraction to wonder though.

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Jemima

Shanti, I took you up on moving the posts about abusive family situations. The posts are now under "Family and Friends: Toxic Family".

 

Thanks for the response. I get this feeling in my gut like some large, metal tool (such as a caliper or pliers) is grabbing my stomach and pinching for all it's worth in addition to feeling worried over this, that, and another thing. This neuro-emotion is really hanging on, but at least now I know it's neuro-emotion.

 

Thank God for you guys. If I thought I'd feel this way for the rest of my life I'd be suicidal.

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Barbarannamated

 

 

I also wonder to what degree to we dismiss neuro emotions. They are still emotions despite they are messed up. I remember at one point before I came to this forum and learned about this stuff a bit more, I felt it was all repressed emotions coming up. Not some kind of rewiring but all the stuff that got buried or messed up during our stints on psych drugs. So I'm not totally eager to dismiss neuro emotions. They may be more of a live wire and more of a challenge and exist because of the meds we took and are now not taking but to dismiss them completely may not be the most healthy thing to do since from what I have read in this forum, many of even the most seemingly innocent triggers can clearly have roots in larger issues that were buried. So do we then dismiss them or examine them? I remember I think someone wrote about losing it when their mom turned off the light or something. But that could easily be rooted in a core feeling of lack of consideration or doing without thinking or a variety of similar things which I'd have to put into context with that person to see if there was more to it. My guess is it was there only it was buried with drugs and is now surfacing through even the smallest transgressions.

 

I'm going to be the one who is pushing the envelope here on the neuro emotions and the one who says that despite what we see as reason, I believe there is an underlying reason which relates directly to years of medication screwing with our abilities to appropriately cope with things that were painful to us or things that hurt us in any way. And now, even the smallest things become triggers because we've got these deep wounds that were never dealt with and so they never healed and off the meds and in withdrawal, all things are coming to light. Unfortunately, they come to light in a powerful and heavily charged way. However, examining them and working toward healing them or dealing with them is probably where the answers lie rather than dismissing them entirely. I've gotta go with instinct on this one. I say there's something hidden beneath or within the neuro stuff that was buried by the drugs and is now free to come forth and perhaps acknowledging whatever these things are is a quicker path to resolution than dismissal of them since dismissal of them was what the drugs were designed to do.

 

Just my 2 cents on the matter.

 

Edited to add: it reminds me of PTSD. I had it and lived through it after being raped so I know much about it. Essentially, at the core is the trauma. It's always about the trauma. But it gets all mucked up because we cannot process it (in the way I see the drugs mucking up our processing ability). And then one day some door or window opens or become unhinged and it all comes out but in a turbulent and barely coherent way. And also, it's intense and exacerbated. But as you whittle away through coping and therapy and facing it you get to the core of what is going on in that person that caused the PTSD to form. I feel that is what neuro emotion is like. Buried emotions coming to light and now we've got to untangle them and deal with them. And why wouldn't they come to light when given the chance? They are part of our psyche. Part of who we are. Part of our soul. If we are wounded from them, part of our path is to heal those wounds or remain damaged and guided poorly because of that damage, like a broken compass of sorts.

 

BRILLIANT post!! I agree 100%. The neuroemotion are unhinging, indeed. However, for me, I feel they dredge up and magnify feelings that were buried long ago, even before being drugged, because I was so adept at repressing emotions. The emotional excavating going on throughout withdrawal has been compared to a slow motion near death experience. Very painful, but illuminating. I try to keep in mind that the emotions are intensified but do not dismiss them as false or unwarranted. I believe they needed to be addressed long ago.

 

This is in line with why CBT and "positive thinking" never helped me. I had far deeper issues at the root and trying to reframe or redirect my surface feelings without looking at when and how those feelings took root did nothing but frustrate me and put another layer of garbage on my buried emotions. I may work for the rest of my life to uncover patterns that took hold in childhood, but awareness is a good 1st line of attack.

 

Thanks, Starlitegirlx, for bringing this forward.

 

NOTE: This post refers to a discussion which was moved to "Family and Friends: Toxic Family". However, this post is back on the topic of neuro-emotions. -Jemima

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Shanti

Shanti, I took you up on moving the posts about abusive family situations. The posts are now under "Family and Friends: Toxic Family".

 

Thanks for the response. I get this feeling in my gut like some large, metal tool (such as a caliper or pliers) is grabbing my stomach and pinching for all it's worth in addition to feeling worried over this, that, and another thing. This neuro-emotion is really hanging on, but at least now I know it's neuro-emotion.

 

Thank God for you guys. If I thought I'd feel this way for the rest of my life I'd be suicidal.

 

Thanks :)

 

About your last sentence, I was going to post here about that very thing. It's like this neuro emotion puts a veil over us to make us feel like life has changed so much that it will never change back to normal. So it is so important for us remember that it's temporary.

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starlitegirlx

 

 

 

I also wonder to what degree to we dismiss neuro emotions. They are still emotions despite they are messed up. I remember at one point before I came to this forum and learned about this stuff a bit more, I felt it was all repressed emotions coming up. Not some kind of rewiring but all the stuff that got buried or messed up during our stints on psych drugs. So I'm not totally eager to dismiss neuro emotions. They may be more of a live wire and more of a challenge and exist because of the meds we took and are now not taking but to dismiss them completely may not be the most healthy thing to do since from what I have read in this forum, many of even the most seemingly innocent triggers can clearly have roots in larger issues that were buried. So do we then dismiss them or examine them? I remember I think someone wrote about losing it when their mom turned off the light or something. But that could easily be rooted in a core feeling of lack of consideration or doing without thinking or a variety of similar things which I'd have to put into context with that person to see if there was more to it. My guess is it was there only it was buried with drugs and is now surfacing through even the smallest transgressions.

 

I'm going to be the one who is pushing the envelope here on the neuro emotions and the one who says that despite what we see as reason, I believe there is an underlying reason which relates directly to years of medication screwing with our abilities to appropriately cope with things that were painful to us or things that hurt us in any way. And now, even the smallest things become triggers because we've got these deep wounds that were never dealt with and so they never healed and off the meds and in withdrawal, all things are coming to light. Unfortunately, they come to light in a powerful and heavily charged way. However, examining them and working toward healing them or dealing with them is probably where the answers lie rather than dismissing them entirely. I've gotta go with instinct on this one. I say there's something hidden beneath or within the neuro stuff that was buried by the drugs and is now free to come forth and perhaps acknowledging whatever these things are is a quicker path to resolution than dismissal of them since dismissal of them was what the drugs were designed to do.

 

Just my 2 cents on the matter.

 

Edited to add: it reminds me of PTSD. I had it and lived through it after being raped so I know much about it. Essentially, at the core is the trauma. It's always about the trauma. But it gets all mucked up because we cannot process it (in the way I see the drugs mucking up our processing ability). And then one day some door or window opens or become unhinged and it all comes out but in a turbulent and barely coherent way. And also, it's intense and exacerbated. But as you whittle away through coping and therapy and facing it you get to the core of what is going on in that person that caused the PTSD to form. I feel that is what neuro emotion is like. Buried emotions coming to light and now we've got to untangle them and deal with them. And why wouldn't they come to light when given the chance? They are part of our psyche. Part of who we are. Part of our soul. If we are wounded from them, part of our path is to heal those wounds or remain damaged and guided poorly because of that damage, like a broken compass of sorts.

 

BRILLIANT post!! I agree 100%. The neuroemotion are unhinging, indeed. However, for me, I feel they dredge up and magnify feelings that were buried long ago, even before being drugged, because I was so adept at repressing emotions. The emotional excavating going on throughout withdrawal has been compared to a slow motion near death experience. Very painful, but illuminating. I try to keep in mind that the emotions are intensified but do not dismiss them as false or unwarranted. I believe they needed to be addressed long ago.

 

This is in line with why CBT and "positive thinking" never helped me. I had far deeper issues at the root and trying to reframe or redirect my surface feelings without looking at when and how those feelings took root did nothing but frustrate me and put another layer of garbage on my buried emotions. I may work for the rest of my life to uncover patterns that took hold in childhood, but awareness is a good 1st line of attack.

 

Thanks, Starlitegirlx, for bringing this forward.

 

NOTE: This post refers to a discussion which was moved to "Family and Friends: Toxic Family". However, this post is back on the topic of neuro-emotions. -Jemima

 

Magnified! Yes, that is the perfect word. Like after all that time and all those drugs, what comes up is so much bigger than it was meant to be but it's as if laying dormant under the drugs for all those years gave it time to feed and grow unnaturally. So when it comes up, it's like wildfire. Death rays. Unhinging us from any form of sanity we may have had at that moment.

 

This withdrawal is a beast that nothing compares to even remotely. It was not a coping tool and so unlike PTSD, getting through it especially after brain changes is quite the feat. We're on a survival expedition here. We got shoved into a deep dark hole that went miles down, kind of like Alice in wonderland. For some reason I feel that fits best. And now we have to navigate the crazy world of mad hatters and nutty queens. Good times! (sarcasm there!)

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Altostrata

I believe it was Charly G. who said in the last stage of healing, he recovered his emotions.

Edited by Altostrata
name changed by request

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strawberry17

Starlitegirlx what excellent posts and so eloquently put.

 

I like the word "amplify" as well as "magnify".

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starlitegirlx

Starlitegirlx what excellent posts and so eloquently put.

 

I like the word "amplify" as well as "magnify".

 

Amplify is a great word! All these emotions are amplified!

 

There is a system of belief that our body holds our pain and we have to work through it and clear it. I feel like this is true as I've had body pains return for no logical reason when certain triggers occur. Regarding the neuro emotions, I have no doubt that it's actually recovery and as our brain recovers it discovers these old hurts, probably things connected to why we got on these meds or even older things or things that happened while we were on these meds. Not sure. Probably all of the above. But in our drugged state we were not capable of coping with them so they just lay there dormant. Off the meds with nothing to keep them dormant they awaken and do so in a way that is filled with power from years of rest and even time to incubate. I say incubate because I think of people who were abused as children or molested, and they repressed it. When that stuff begins to surface, it is like it's charged with a power beyond the fathomable. Then some of those people turn into walking disasters while others fall apart and work hard to recover. Depends on the person.

 

I do feel that viewing it as a form of recovery and part of the recovery process rather than a form of damage and something we are stuck with until we begin recovery is the best way to go and I guess that's because to me it makes sense. I still go back to PTSD. Neuro emotions mimic PTSD to much for me to dismiss them as damage rather than signs of recovery in progress. PTSD is the beginning of recovery from a traumatic event. Sure, lots of people seemed better off before the PTSD. They were functioning. I know I was. But how well was I functioning? I was getting by, but that trauma was in there and even buried it had to be doing some damage to me even if on a subconscious level. What I do know is that even though PTSD was pure freaking hell, I made it through and now it's so far in the past 20+ years that I only remember it as a thing I went through and survived. There is no emotion attached to it. So when I compare Neuro emotions to PTSD, I think of my recovery and that this too shall pass.

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strawberry17

Your last post reminds me of that saying "The best way out is always through".

 

I think your way of looking at it as part of the recovery process rather than permenent damage is very positive.

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starlitegirlx

Your last post reminds me of that saying "The best way out is always through".

 

I think your way of looking at it as part of the recovery process rather than permenent damage is very positive.

 

I don't think I believe in permanent damage. Maybe things might come up again here and there in smaller and smaller ways until they are gone, but permament, no? Why? I've been diagnosed with things that were permanent and had no cure that no longer appear to exist. So I question what impact our thinking has on things. Or rather, our outlook and how fixed we are on something. It's why I'm a fan of distraction. I don't care what it is... TV, movies, video games, art, whatever interests you enough to keep your mind off of whatever may be your worry or concern. Sleep actually is one of the distractions I'm a big fan of when you can get it because I believe it's healing. I believe it connects us to universal energy where everything gets sorted out, healed, repaired, cured and adjusted to perfection.

 

So as far as permanent damage goes? I don't believe in it in a case like this. In cases, there are permanent changes, but are they damaging? I don't think that is even fixed. it could be more or less how the person views it. And given that views change over time something could be seen as terrible today and a blessing tomorrow depending on what happens along the way and how the person views what happens/ what context they put it into.

 

For me, I've been stuck on a depressed mode that my life will still 'suck' even when I return to a healthy state of no withdrawal and fully functioning at my best/ peak efficiency. But if just occurred to me that I can also choose to believe that instead of life still sucking, something really great can happen that would add more fun and more options to my life.

 

Even going through this withdrawal and going off these meds, right now it is hellish at times, annoying at others, but compare that to some what if scenario that I have now wandered from, a path not taken like an alternate reality where I stayed on the meds. How do I not know that at year 20 something horrible happens to my body as a result of taking the AD for that long? Some suffering now through withdrawal is something I would choose over some major damage. Who is to say what outcomes we have been lucky or wise enough to miss by deciding to taper and ultimately stop taking the drugs.

 

No matter how depressed I am, at my core I feel everything happens for a reason. I may not know or understand it due to the whole forest for the trees dilemma, but this suffering now could actually be the better of several options. I prefer to think that way. Less fatalistic. More optimistic and gives me a sense that there is order within the chaos as well as a sense that there is something greater than my small view of the universe which is great because my small view on a bad day is really bleak.

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Shanti

I see that people recover, and I choose to believe that this is all reversable. If there is one thing we all need to hold onto, it's hope. Loss of hope is what is killing people in this situation more than anything. I just haven't seen evidence that people don't recover, though for some it can take a long time. I think like Starlite, that nothing is permanent. It does have a lot to do with our beliefs. I recovered from first signs of emphysema several years ago. How is that possible when it's supposedly cell destruction that is irreversible?

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starlitegirlx

This is where I get stuck as I now know that I have progressive, degenerative damage to the white matter of my brain that causes depression, memory loss/dementia, probably hallucinations, apathy. I don't know what is reversible drug damage that may heal or at least improve. But it's certain that that autoimmune damage (likely triggered by Zoloft years ago, hard to prove) will progress.

 

My mind is still trying to sort thru it all.

 

How about not getting stuck. Focus on the fact that science is limited in its understanding of the body. Today's facts become tomorrow's fallacies. Look at all of us as living proof. These drugs are safe and help us. Oh riiiiiight. Yesssssss. How about bullsh*t! And it was once believed that I would not get rid of my autoimmune disease that basically crippled me to a degree for nearly a year and a half but seems to have mysteriously vanished. Hmmm? Funny thing there. Or cancer patients told they would die are walking around in complete remission.

 

Science is half-assed at best. It knows so little in the grand scheme of what there is to know. What there is to know is the entire universe compared to what they THINK they know which fits on the head of a pin by comparison. Screw what 'facts' you are clinging to when they serve you nothing but no hope, no comfort and probably only fear and pain. Send them out of your mind as random bits of observations made in certain cases on certain people and those people were not you. In fact, there may be plenty of people out there who recover and do quite well but never make it into the details or facts of things because there's no money in that or because people pay no mind to the anomalies as most would call them.

 

Seriously, remember how wrong all the 'facts' and details have been so far and how science has been off so many times in the past. That's where your salvation resides rather than the worst case scenarios you have been handed. Science knows squat. Truly. They only just realized that vitamin D3 is essential to us and yet for years we've been told to stay out of the sun and put on chemicals to keep the sun from touching us. Yet none of those scientists considered that without the sun, nothing grows. Without the sun, there would be no trees, no food, just a dark dead world. And yet people still load up on the sunscreen as if it will kill you before anything else does. Riiiight.

 

Really, don't believe what does you no good. That's my take on the world. How often are facts, specifically medical facts, fixed? They change more often that the weather in new england.

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Barbarannamated

Crossed messages with you, Starlitegirl.

 

Clarification: much of what im diagnosed with and going through is illness/dementia ive seen repeatedly in my family and not solely due to, but accelerated by, drugs in me. I would be irresponsible to not address it. Im not willing to put my care in strangers hands, or the state.

 

I do believe some improvement is possible with neuroplasticity, but I have to remain realustic and plan for my future before I dont have the cognitive ability to do so. Ive seen far too much severe dementia in my family to not acknowledge the writing on the wall. My genetic predisposition has been accelerated by drugs and I have no one to take care of me after husband and there's no way I can see him changing diapers and cleaning up incontinence as my father did for my mother. I wont live that way and I dont expect anyone else to take that on. We're looking at living possibilities now that include continuum of care/skilled nursing. For me, this circles back to the question "what am I staying alive for?" I haven't been healthy enough to work in over a decade, no family, few friends that i interact with personally and fewer now that I have something documented and degenerative. I'm trying to have some hope, but remain realistic, too. My aunt has been totally incoherent for several years now, living in diapers, knowing no one, in a nursing home. She seems ok, not in pain or miserable, but I do not want my life prolonged like that. She has 4 kids and bunches of grandkids who cared for her until recently. I would be in a nursing home far sooner than she was.

 

Sobering, but necessary to think about and plan for. My husband is 10 years older than me (50 and 60), so it is time to be thinking about these things even in absence of illness. Having no kids is a big consideration although I don't know what expectations I'd place on family even if I had any. My cousin has altered her life dramatically to care for her mom for 10 years. She's a few years older than me, never married, no kids. She does have a job, but her life (social, petsonal) came to a halt when her mom moved in with her about 10 years ago.

 

Sorry to ramble on about this. Alot to think through and decide how to handle. Missed a dose of trazodone the nite before last and, even though I seemed to sleep ok, I went into a very dark place yesterday and today. Trying to regain perspective.

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Rhiannon

 

I ended up going back to 75 Mg. I plan on going down extremely slowly from here. I can't handle the neuro emotions- they are far too intense. Quite a hard lesson!

 

I think the key is tapering slowly and taking long enough breaks (holds) whenever you first begin to experience symptoms, instead of waiting until they become intolerable.

 

So often people think, "oh this isn't so bad, I can tough it out" and keep pushing the taper.

 

Who is this Rhi person? I should listen to her. Been pushing my taper a bit and having some bad days...feeling really down and discouraged and pessimistic about life. hm. Okay okay okay going to hold for a while.

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Rhiannon

Thanks for the support, you guys! you're the best! I know I just have to take it one day at a time and this will pass. At least, I'm pretty sure it will, because so far every time I hold long enough, I get to feeling pretty good eventually.

 

But it's so hard to be patient. I want my life back NOW. Still, when you got no choice you got no choice,.

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tezza

Who is this Rhi person? I should listen to her. Been pushing my taper a bit and having some bad days...feeling really down and discouraged and pessimistic about life. hm. Okay okay okay going to hold for a while.

 

 

This Rhi person is a very beautiful, intelligent, caring HUMAN being! Don't be too hard on yourself. We all learn as we go through the processes of tapering.

 

I found this post a little late so I hope you feel much better at this time. Just know, Rhi, you are a great asset to this forum.

 

{{{HUGS}}}

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LostaDecade

Hi all,

 

I'm still without a computer but wanted to check in (since going off all meds in July after 10 years on). I, too, am going through bouts of loneliness and, for me, I believe it is directly connected to my personal feelings about my previous behavior while on meds. Sort of an "I made my own bed and now I have to lie in it" kind of thing. On meds, I was a flake, made plans, broke them, was fairly unreliable, along with all the general kooky behavioral traits I possessed, so part of me feels it's no wonder my phone doesn't ring. As many of you know, being more aware of what is going on around us has it's pros and cons. Looking back on my past behavior makes me feel shame, regret and embarrassment, however, the obvious upside is being able to now recognize this and take steps to at least start fresh. One of my tips for anyone going through loneliness would be to put at least as much effort into cultivating any NEW (perhaps healthier?) relationships as you do trying to repair your old ones. I've met a new neighbor and making the effort to be, you know, "normal"?, has truly paid off and has built up my confidence. Another thing I suggest is, when you are mentally strong enough, give yourself a break and think about WHICH old relationships you REALLY want to repair? I know I initially felt like I had to prove to EVERYONE that I was "better now", but in these past couple of weeks, I've come to the conclusion that there are actually a few peeps I CAN live without. I used to think everyone else was "better" than me, normal, smarter, more together, etc., but now that I can think a bit more clearly, I'm finding that I really like myself and with that, and my growing confidence, I've been able to lovingly put at least some of the old relationships behind me. And SHARP PAINS IN YOUR TOES AND FEET? I hear ya! I'm about 16 weeks off meds and the sharp pains, tickling on my body and the symptom I can barely stand but am praying will go away: remnants of "brain shivers" - no more light saber sounds and can no longer FEELING my eyeballs moving (ahhh!!) but the strange, tense sensation I feel right between my eyes (and still a small swelling in my eyelids) is a daily struggle. Sorry so long and I could have written this a little better, but for a dang cell phone, not TOO bad? Final thought: Hang in there! It DOES get better! I've only been off for a few months and I see positive things happening EVERY DAY! :-) Astro, your site changed my life!!

 

LostADecade

Was on (2002 - July 2012):

Effexor 150 Mg

Clonazepam 2 Mg

Seroquel 50 Mg

Adderall 20 Mg

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Skyler

Sobbing again..I'm so sad this morning. Is this really withdrawal from Celexa?

Yes, flower it is. Again, I'm very sorry this journey is so rocky for you. Posted Image

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