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Tkath

Love or Friendship?

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Tkath

Hi everyone.

So my story is a long and complicated one.

I meet my partner 3 years ago and we have been in a relationship ever since. He's 31, I'm 25. He's of different nationality and has cousins here and a few close friends.

Around 8 years ago he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. He's currently on 200mg of solian (amulspride) daily. However the last few months he has cut back and only takes it 2-3 times a week when he feels nervous.

I was totally besotted with him from the moment I saw him. He is a sweetheart, kind caring,funny and career focused.

He is usually always there when I need him and I'm always there for him. I really feel like he is my soul mate. It's only my second relationship but he's the first man I've ever lived.

 

On Friday my partner told me that he has never loved me during our 3 year relationship. He loves me like a friend but it is not real love for him. He always told me that he was confused about his feelings for me. And love is a big word to use for him he said.

 

I'm devastated and feel my world is crushed. We started off great, going on dates getting to know each other, really being there for each other. Four months in and I'm in love with this man.

 

After our first year together i was worried that he never said that he loves me. I questioned him around the time I found that he was chatting to another girl online who wanted to be with him. He played along and told me she was there for him in the past so I felt I couldn't tell him to end their friendship. He always said that it was just harmless fun and wanted to be with me. Around this time he told me he thinks he loves me. I was quite content. It was only recently that he finally admitted that he could have taken her offer up and had a relationship.

 

Soon into our relationship found out that he messaged another girl complimenting how Sexy she looked in her pictures. When he returned to his home country for a holiday i saw online that he had been drinking with her and a group of friends. But I let it slide as it was a few months into our relationship. He also sometimes mentally abuses me without even realising i think. He embarrassed me one night in front of his friend which was quite brutal and this friend only came to visit twice since because of this.

 

Our first summer together I finally heard the words I wanted to hear from him on a lovely 5am morning watching the sunrise from bed. I was absolutely overjoyed.

Fast forward 4 weeks and he tells me he needs a break from me. I was crushed and gave him that time. We got back together and on Christmas day I felt like I needed to know if he loves me or not. He told me he did not. I eventually walked to my sisters tears tripping me up that evening and could not have imagined a worser Christmas. I ploughed through and hoped that one day he would feel the same as me.

 

My partner has put me through alot during our time together but I know everyone makes mistakes and I love the bones of him.

 

My partner as I said previously has slowly stopped taking his meds but not completely. I feel like since he's been doing this that I am losing my best friend.

He's never been overly affectionate or complimentary to me. But I notice he is like this with everyone. But I just don't seem like a priority anymore in his life. I always seem to come after everything else in his life. The past few months he has been mentally abusive, neglectful of our relationship and just feeling let down.

 

A good friend of his has told me that my partners previous relationship was really messed up and the girl totally nearly destroying him. My boyfriend was very much in love with her and they both moved from their country to my country together so it was pretty serious but just over a year or so together. My boyfriend said that he got depression because he was working constantly to pay bills but was just scrapping by and whatever money he had saved she took. She also was not good for his illness and made it worse as she was very obnoxious. However he was on different meds when he was with his ex he thinks then he was on no meds at all.

 

My partner seems to have gone from caring and interested in me to being sometimes cold and cruel to me. On Valentine's night I questioned him as to why we didn't have sex as much anymore and he told me that he feels like a "thing" before sex. I was devastated and felt completely unwanted . But there was numerous other reasons also. How he lately would give me his head or cheek or kiss rather than hes lips. Amd when he would let me it would be for 2 seconds literally. We've had Sex since and it seems to have changed - gotten better. Just the other day he said it would take an eternity to love me. Anytime he would touch my skin or kiss me passionately always felt like it was like the first time all over again because it happened so rarely. I forget how he feels to be wanted.

 

I'm on here asking has anybody else have any experience or gone through something similar? Does these meds do this to people? Or is it because he's slowing coming off them? I'm always there for him and I will help him to the best of my ability but I'm also the one needing help now.

 

Thanks so much!

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