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gigi63   
gigi63

Pug, I have another question, I rarely hear of females bringing up the sexual struggle but I need to.  I have a husband and this whole ordeal is affecting him also.  Sexual dysfunction is obvious for a man.   For me, I absolutely have no libido and not only this, I cannot climax since I have been in acute and protracted WD.  So, obviously I am concerned for all of this too.  My question for you is , how long did it take you for your sexual ability to return?  I am sure it is very individual but I would still find it helpful to know a time  frame.  When in WD it seems like it is all we can do to get through a day let alone be too concerned or concerned at all for sex. Thanks Pug.  

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On 5/29/2017 at 2:50 PM, triplem15 said:

Pug, I am also wondering what kind of exercise you do and how did you know when and how much would be OK???

 

Hello triplem15,

 

I mainly did walking and if possible light jogging.  I didn't really have a gauge on when and how much.  I knew that any exercise would be good for me and I knew that I felt so terrible that it could not make me feel any worse!  So I started with trying to walk and increase the distance if possible or light jogging if I felt up to it.  Sometimes I would feel worse after finishing and I would not do it again for a few days, but mostly I just did my best to do it each day whether I wanted to or not.  There were times I was too sick to do more than walk from the car to the house, but as soon as I could I would start walking again.  I remember having strong heart palpitations one day and thinking, "This is about the speed my heart would beat if I was out jogging", so I decided to try jogging!  I felt like if I was going to have a heart attack I would rather have it outside trying to jog than sitting on the couch, so I gave it a try for a few minutes.   It was just trial and error and doing what I could. When I was feeling so miserable and terrible I felt like I had nothing to loose and that maybe I would feel better if I tried to exercise, if I possibly could.  Everyone is different and each person must decide for themselves what is good and possible for them, but I think any physical activity regardless of how small is of benefit to our health and recovery.  That is the attitude I used and it has helped me get in the best shape I have been in since high school as I have recovered these last few years.

 

These days I can go jogging for 3 to 4 miles several times a week; go hiking in the outdoors for a few hours, or do strenuous yard work with no ill effects.  We heal and things improve; it is worth the struggle and challenges that we are enduring.

 

Wishing you the best.

 

pug

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On 5/29/2017 at 2:59 PM, triplem15 said:

Another question Pug, so I guess this is three, how did you know you were turning a corner??? What was happening to you and in what ways??? Thank you.

 

Hello triplem15,

 

It was and still is a very gradual process for me.  There were many, many small corners that I turned; feeling a bit better for an hour or two; having a symptom go away for a day; feeling a ray of hope during a dark time; sleeping a few hours at night without waking up; suddenly wanting to do things again like read a book or listen to music; it all happened in tiny increments. I guess the "big" corner that I recently turned was that I I just don't care anymore how much longer it takes to be fully recovered or how much more I suffer or feel poorly; I know that it will happen.  I have confidence in my full recovery that will eventually occur and that I am at a point that daily living is possible even with the challenges I still have.  So when you see any improvement, no matter how small, hang on to it with all your strength and know that even if it goes away for a while, it will return and eventually stick for good.

 

Hoping that you can turn a corner very soon, no matter how small.

 

pug

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On 5/30/2017 at 0:35 AM, Distraut said:

Pug, what a wonderful post.  Thank you so much for telling us about this.

 

I so hope my 28 year old son, Akrontes, who is 13 months into cold turkey from Zoloft and suffering terribly from OCD and connected mental torment and thinks he will never recover, will gain some hope from your story which I have printed out for him. 

 

How did your mental torment resolve itself?  Was it gradual or did it lift quite suddenly and how long did it take before you got some relief?

 

Thank you in advance.

 

Hello Distraut,

 

I hope that Akrontes is doing better.  Please let him know that at month 13 I was in very bad shape and feeling that there was no hope, but I hung on and it got better!  He will get better!

 

The mental torment resolved very, very slowly; so slow it seemed as if it was not happening at all.  One day I would think to myself, "I think I might feel a little better; I don't think the (insert symptom here) is quite as bad today".  Was it better?  I don't know, but I felt like it was and I hung onto that feeling that I was improving with all my strength; even when the next day I felt miserable.  I just keep telling myself that tomorrow it would be better, day after day until one day it was.  I don't know any other way for it to happen other than hanging on with the hope that it will improve.  I felt hopeless and that there was no way I would make it, but I read success stories every day that said otherwise and I hung onto them with all my might; and the people that wrote those stories were right, it does get better!  Please tell Akrontes that there is hope and to do whatever it takes to make it through one more day and that a break in symptoms will happen for him, just as it did for me.  Have him read success stories or anything that is encouraging to him, or pass the time in any way that gets him to the next day, because that may be the day that the break will happen, and it will happen!

 

My best wishes to you both!

 

pug

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Distraut   
Distraut

Bless you Pug! 

 

I have passed my message on to my son but he cannot believe that he will EVER be well again.  I do so hope that one day soon he will post himself and tell you that he has recovered.

 

In the meantime, we hang on in there.

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gigi63   
gigi63

Pug, May God bless you!!!  Thank you for coming back and giving us words of encouragement. They are so timely.  It is so wonderful for us to hear you and others say, we will heal. !!!

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anongrl5590   
anongrl5590

Hey pug, 

 

Did you ever get your cortisol levels tested? Because I got mine tested and my levels are VERY low. I probably have adrenal fatigue. Did you have this checked too? 

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Bobo32   
Bobo32

hi Pug,

Thanks for sharing your story

I like to ask you if your brain fog improved? If so how did that happen? was it gradual? Is it all gone for good now or more like the waves and windows pattern?

How about memory and cognition? Are they 100 percent healed now?

And what about tinnitus? is it improved for you?

thank you

take care

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caperjackie   
caperjackie

Pug ....... I just saw this ........ it is incredibly well written and describes the horror of it all perfectly. Thank you for posting such an inspiring story and wishing you all the best ........

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Purplestars22   
Purplestars22

Hello pug, congratulations on healing from widthrawal. I could relate to almost all the symptoms that you listed so horrific, glad it's behind you. Thanks for coming back to write your success story, good luck in the next chapter in your life.

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pug   
pug
On 6/13/2017 at 4:45 PM, triplem15 said:

Pug, I have another question, I rarely hear of females bringing up the sexual struggle but I need to.  I have a husband and this whole ordeal is affecting him also.  Sexual dysfunction is obvious for a man.   For me, I absolutely have no libido and not only this, I cannot climax since I have been in acute and porotracted WD.  So, obviously I am concerned for all of this too.  My question for you is , how long did it take you for your sexual ability to return?  I am sure it is very individual but I would still find it helpful to know a time  frame.  When in WD it seems like it is all we can do to get through a day let alone be too concerned or concerned at all for sex. Thanks Pug.  

 

Hello tiplem15,

 

I am sorry I missed you post, but I wanted to respond.  Sexually things improved gradually just like all the other symptoms I have had.  It is still a work in progress and I am continuing to feel confident that it will improve as I heal, but it is better than it was and that is what I keep in my mind on those days when things seem to not be working as well as I would like them to. It is difficult to put a time frame on when things began to improve, but the important message is that things have improved and given time I think you will start to improve also.  This process is so strange and unpredictable that one persons experience is no indicator of how another person will heal.  But sexual difficulties is a very common symptom from person to person, as is the healing and improving of sexual desire and response.  I am sorry this answer is not much help for you; I can only tell you that for me as time has gone on my sexual dysfunction has improved and I see no reason why it won't be continue to improve.  Other success stories mention the improving of our sexuality with time and healing and I have had improvements, so if it is possible for myself and others, it is possible for you.  It just takes time, so keep going!

 

Wishing you the best.

 

Pug

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On 6/18/2017 at 9:47 PM, anongrl5590 said:

Hey pug, 

 

Did you ever get your cortisol levels tested? Because I got mine tested and my levels are VERY low. I probably have adrenal fatigue. Did you have this checked too? 

 

Hello anongrl5590,

 

I did have some blood work done and my levels were in the normal range although other readings were off including testosterone and some others that I can't remember.  I then had it tested a few months later and some of the readings had changed, some good and some bad.  After that I was convinced that going through withdrawal was affecting every part of my body including blood, hormones, and all the processes that could be seen on a blood test.  My doctor sent me to a specialist but I only went once because I knew what the reason was and I was not going to start testosterone therapy and the other things they wanted me to try.  The last thing I needed was to start taking any kind of drugs!  So I have just gutted it out and given it time and the healing has happened and is still happening.  All I have been doing is eating healthy, exercising and doing my best to keep a positive attitude.  Others may actually have medical conditions that need addressed and they should get help, but for me I didn't feel it was anything other than withdrawal and recovery creating all of the fluctuations and changes in my blood work; but that is my situation and yours may be different.  If in doubt, see your doctor but I also think it is wise to ask the moderators here as SA about these things as they are quite knowledgeable and good for a second opinion. 

 

I hope you are feeling better.

 

Pug

 

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On 7/7/2017 at 4:07 AM, Bobo32 said:

hi Pug,

Thanks for sharing your story

I like to ask you if your brain fog improved? If so how did that happen? was it gradual? Is it all gone for good now or more like the waves and windows pattern?

How about memory and cognition? Are they 100 percent healed now?

And what about tinnitus? is it improved for you?

thank you

take care

 

Hey there Bobo32,

 

The brain fog is nearly gone except when I have a challenging day, but it is much more mild and doesn't last more than a few hours.  It is a terrible symptom and I didn't seem to feel it improving much until maybe at 18-20 months, and then it would just be for a while and the fog would roll back in again.  Finally around 2 years things started to clear up and I was like, "Wow! I can think again and my brain works!".  As with everything else I have dealt with it was a very gradual process and I though it would never go away, but it has and I am ever so thankful.  Memory and cognition are greatly improved, not 100% yet, but so, so much better it feels like 125%!  It is very dependent on how I am feeling that day/hour/minute; if I am dealing with symptoms then memory and cognition are affected, but to a much lesser degree than before. Now I can work my way though any challenges and feel competent most of the time.  The tinnitus has also improved; dropping in volume some days and has even been gone for a whole day or 2! What a surreal and awesome thing not to have tinnitus for a day; it gives me great hope that it will go away eventually.  Like all my symptoms, it has gradually and almost imperceptibly gotten better although it felt like it never would.  Right now the high tension sizzling tinnitus is happening for me, but not as loudly as in the past and it is easier to ignore; and who knows, it may be gone for a day tomorrow, or the next day! 

 

I hope you are seeing improvements.

 

Pug

 

 

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JJ33   
JJ33

Pug,

 

Thanks so much for sharing your inspiring story.  I can relate to a lot of the symptoms you listed.  I have also tried many, many different things that, had I not been on medication, may have made far more of a difference (yoga, meditation, cutting out gluten, sugar and other "nasties", so many different supplements) yet, like a rubber band, I always seem to "snap back" to baseline.  I wouldn't say it wasn't worth it, in fact the knowledge is invaluable and I would never have learned what I did without going through this.

 

I'm curious how you are doing.  Are you still seeing improvement?  My big question is what is the best course of action when you realize you are in a "wave"?  I haven't really found an answer to that, other than to get out of analytical mode--whether that's by taking a walk, focusing on breathing, listening to music, etc.  It sounds like all we can do is wait for time to do its work--frustrating!

 

Hoping you are continuing to do well and thanks again for sharing, every bit of encouragement helps.

 

 

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Jeanny44   
Jeanny44

Hello Pug,

 

I'm glad about your story of recovery, what gives me a little hope. Thank you for sharing it. I'm off Effexor since 1 year now and m very sick. I can't leave the house or do things normal people do. I wanted to ask yo, if you also had the problem with very weak muscles in legs and arms with electrical power feeling and tingleing, headpressure and vision issues, like i can't focus on things. I didn't have any wave yet. the symptoms got worse with every month. I can think, but listening to someone or speaking for longer is a problem for me. Also i have a problem with imagining things. I can't old pictures in my head. The numbness of feelings i also expierience. One of my rabbits died. And i did love her. But i couldn't cry or be really sad. 

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Alice1   
Alice1

Hi Pug ,

just a quicky ... Did you experience Depersonalization and Derealization ?  Also , were you able to continue working through the entire wd ?

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pug
On 7/17/2017 at 0:42 PM, JJ33 said:

Pug,

 

Thanks so much for sharing your inspiring story.  I can relate to a lot of the symptoms you listed.  I have also tried many, many different things that, had I not been on medication, may have made far more of a difference (yoga, meditation, cutting out gluten, sugar and other "nasties", so many different supplements) yet, like a rubber band, I always seem to "snap back" to baseline.  I wouldn't say it wasn't worth it, in fact the knowledge is invaluable and I would never have learned what I did without going through this.

 

I'm curious how you are doing.  Are you still seeing improvement?  My big question is what is the best course of action when you realize you are in a "wave"?  I haven't really found an answer to that, other than to get out of analytical mode--whether that's by taking a walk, focusing on breathing, listening to music, etc.  It sounds like all we can do is wait for time to do its work--frustrating!

 

Hoping you are continuing to do well and thanks again for sharing, every bit of encouragement helps.

 

 

 

Hello JJ33

 

In answer to your question, I continue to improve.  The process for me now is very much like it has been the entire time for the most part; feeling worse before I feel better.  The difference is that now things are milder and easier to deal with.  I guess they could be considered waves when I am not feeling as well, but they are on such a different level that it is more like they are ripples; not always pleasant but manageable.  The 2 steps forward 1, 2 or even 3 steps back is now more like 1 step forward and 1/ 2 or 1/ 4 step back; more progress and less fallback.

 

My approach when dealing with a wave or bad spell has been one of doing my best to remain positive, affirm to myself that things will get better, and attempt to take the long view on recovery (given time I will heal).  For months and months I felt so poorly it was just basic survival; doing what I could to get from moment to moment and reminding myself of the success stories that are posted here and elsewhere.  I was not always successful and spent many hours and days cursing my fate, feeling no hope, and wanting to give up.  But I persisted somehow and then I would feel a little better and that would renew my faith that things would improve.  If you can hang on until you get an improvement, no matter how small, then you will have confirmation that things can change and get better and that renewed faith can keep you going until the next improvement.

 

Here is hoping that you are seeing improvements; keep going!

 

pug

 

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On 7/20/2017 at 4:27 AM, Jeanny44 said:

Hello Pug,

 

I'm glad about your story of recovery, what gives me a little hope. Thank you for sharing it. I'm off Effexor since 1 year now and m very sick. I can't leave the house or do things normal people do. I wanted to ask yo, if you also had the problem with very weak muscles in legs and arms with electrical power feeling and tingleing, headpressure and vision issues, like i can't focus on things. I didn't have any wave yet. the symptoms got worse with every month. I can think, but listening to someone or speaking for longer is a problem for me. Also i have a problem with imagining things. I can't old pictures in my head. The numbness of feelings i also expierience. One of my rabbits died. And i did love her. But i couldn't cry or be really sad. 

 

 

Hello Jeanny44

 

I did have the feeling of weak muscles, all manner of weird tinglings, shocks, spasms, and other symptoms that I find hard to describe.  I had the terrible head pressure and sensitive vision and hearing also.  I felt dead inside and had no emotion of any kind, it was extremely troubling and scary.  All of those symptoms were persistent and challenging, and felt as if they would never go away; I was very sure I would never feel better again; but slowly things got better and now most don’t trouble me anymore or I just get a very slight reminder every now and then that comes and goes fairly quickly.

 

My emotions are back and I have the full range of possible emotions and the appropriate emotion for the situation.  It is wonderful and I will never take it for granted, and I can't see any reason why the healing won't be the same for you.  Keep doing what you can to get through each moment of the day, stay focused on the healing that is reported here on this forum and in success stories, and know that it is possible; and happens!

 

Wishing you the best.

 

pug

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On 7/25/2017 at 4:03 PM, Alice1 said:

Hi Pug ,

just a quicky ... Did you experience Depersonalization and Derealization ?  Also , were you able to continue working through the entire wd ?

 

Hello Alice1

 

I did have the depersonalization/derealization; extremely scary and very challenging.  I felt disconnected from the world and myself, adrift in a strange, isolated place and lost forever. I also felt dead for a while, like there was nothing to me except the automatic functions that kept me alive.  The one thing that I did experience during that time was overwhelming, organic fear, and It was such a frightening place to be that I think it spurred me on to try and make it to the next day for some relief; which eventually came in small doses. It was enough to keep me moving forward and that is what it took; more time to pass and for the healing to happen.  I just did my best to remain focused on the next minute, hour, day; and would tell myself over and over that I might feel better then, something like; “If I just hold on until tomorrow maybe I will feel better, others report that they have healed so why not me?”  It kept me going and then one day I did feel a little better which confirmed all that I had read about in success stories.  It is a terribly difficult road we follow but it ends in a place of healing and an appreciation for simply being alive.

 

Unbelievably I have managed to keep working through withdrawal/recovery.  I am more amazed than I can express that I was able to do it, I really have no idea how I have gotten through.  It has taken great perseverance, terrible suffering, and extreme luck to keep a job.  The fact that I still have one is a great mystery to me and one that I may not ever fully understand.

 

I hope that things are getting better for you.

 

pug

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anongrl5590   
anongrl5590

Hi Pug - 

Thanks for responding to my earlier posts and taking time out of your day to answer everyone else. Sorry if I'm asking too many questions but did you also have any of these symptoms and did they fade away?: 

 

- eye floaters 

- visual snow / seeing "TV static" in vision 

- severe shortness of breath 

- cold burning inside throat like there's ice just sitting in your throat but it burns too

- brain physically burns and squeezes

- songs looping in your head 24/7

- nerves in skin feel electrical and everything you brush up against makes your skin feel uncomfortable

- eyelids uncontrollably blink

- teeth clenching and nerves in teeth feel uncomfortable

- severe diarrhea 

- legs feel 'hypersensitive' like they're electrified and jelly and you can feel the nerves in your leg muscles firing or cramping up 

- heavy morning fatigue 

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DaveWales   
DaveWales

Hi pug, or maybe you should be called st Pug now.... as your stories and info are invaluable to us still going through this hell. So, as everyone else, I have a question for you. Im nearly a year into this withdrawal merrygo round and recently

started developing sensitivities to chemical scents, etc. This could manifest as a horrible taste in my mouth, stinging eyes, or even a rash. Did you experience anything like this? If so, what happened? Kind regards Dave. 

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JJ33   
JJ33
On 8/7/2017 at 10:21 PM, pug said:

 

Hello JJ33

 

In answer to your question, I continue to improve.  The process for me now is very much like it has been the entire time for the most part; feeling worse before I feel better.  The difference is that now things are milder and easier to deal with.  I guess they could be considered waves when I am not feeling as well, but they are on such a different level that it is more like they are ripples; not always pleasant but manageable.  The 2 steps forward 1, 2 or even 3 steps back is now more like 1 step forward and 1/ 2 or 1/ 4 step back; more progress and less fallback.

 

My approach when dealing with a wave or bad spell has been one of doing my best to remain positive, affirm to myself that things will get better, and attempt to take the long view on recovery (given time I will heal).  For months and months I felt so poorly it was just basic survival; doing what I could to get from moment to moment and reminding myself of the success stories that are posted here and elsewhere.  I was not always successful and spent many hours and days cursing my fate, feeling no hope, and wanting to give up.  But I persisted somehow and then I would feel a little better and that would renew my faith that things would improve.  If you can hang on until you get an improvement, no matter how small, then you will have confirmation that things can change and get better and that renewed faith can keep you going until the next improvement.

 

Here is hoping that you are seeing improvements; keep going!

 

pug

 

 

Very encouraging reply, glad you are continuing to improve.  I like the idea of taking the long view.  It's easy to get panicked about immediate circumstances and miss the small wins.

 

Appreciate the response.

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gigi63   
gigi63

Hey Pug, may I ask, did you ever suffer diarrhea???  Irritable bowels???  If so how did you manage it?  Any helpful tips. I am really careful on my diet. FODMAP now, but healthy Whole Foods for many months now!!!  Healing absolutely must take place at every level.  Also, such a close connection between gut and brain health. Interdependence on one another.  

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On 8/8/2017 at 8:46 AM, anongrl5590 said:

Hi Pug - 

Thanks for responding to my earlier posts and taking time out of your day to answer everyone else. Sorry if I'm asking too many questions but did you also have any of these symptoms and did they fade away?: 

 

- eye floaters 

- visual snow / seeing "TV static" in vision 

- severe shortness of breath 

- cold burning inside throat like there's ice just sitting in your throat but it burns too

- brain physically burns and squeezes

- songs looping in your head 24/7

- nerves in skin feel electrical and everything you brush up against makes your skin feel uncomfortable

- eyelids uncontrollably blink

- teeth clenching and nerves in teeth feel uncomfortable

- severe diarrhea 

- legs feel 'hypersensitive' like they're electrified and jelly and you can feel the nerves in your leg muscles firing or cramping up 

- heavy morning fatigue 

 

Hello,

 

Yes I experienced most of those symptoms or some variation of them. Most are now gone or greatly improved and easier to manage.  It has been a slow process of healing for me, but progress has happened and is still happening! The secret is to keep going no matter what you are facing today, and I know how hard that can be.

 

Hoping that you are feeling better.

 

pug

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On 8/12/2017 at 10:02 AM, DaveWales said:

Hi pug, or maybe you should be called st Pug now.... as your stories and info are invaluable to us still going through this hell. So, as everyone else, I have a question for you. Im nearly a year into this withdrawal merrygo round and recently

started developing sensitivities to chemical scents, etc. This could manifest as a horrible taste in my mouth, stinging eyes, or even a rash. Did you experience anything like this? If so, what happened? Kind regards Dave. 

 

Hello Dave,

 

I am very sorry to hear you are suffering with these terrible symptoms. I did not have exactly what you describe, but I did have very sensitive vision and hearing. I also experienced phantom odors and all manner of strange smells that did not actually exist. My sense of taste seemed mostly ok, but I would have swallowing difficulties and strange sensations in that area. The good news is all of that is nearly all gone! I can get sensitive vision or hearing every now and then, but it tends to go away fairly quickly.

 

So my message is to hang in there and wait and improvements will start to happen; they may go away for a bit but the improvements will happen more and more the longer you go. Don't give up!

 

I hope you are feeling some relief.

 

pug

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On 8/27/2017 at 8:56 AM, gigi63 said:

Hey Pug, may I ask, did you ever suffer diarrhea???  Irritable bowels???  If so how did you manage it?  Any helpful tips. I am really careful on my diet. FODMAP now, but healthy Whole Foods for many months now!!!  Healing absolutely must take place at every level.  Also, such a close connection between gut and brain health. Interdependence on one another.  

 

Hello gigi63,

 

Yes I have suffered terrible stomach issues almost the entire length of my recovery, and they have just recently gotten better. Diarrhea, constipation, nausea, continuous bloating and cramping, it just would not get better; until recently! Thing have started to improve in that area and it is a wonderful relief.

 

I managed it the way you are; a whole food diet, eating as cleanly as possible, and managing it as best as I could. I would drink club soda to try and relieve the bloating, and chamomile tea to calm my stomach.  Many days it did little, but at other times i think it did help.

 

I agree with you that our brain and gut are dependent on each other, and i have tried to take a wholistic approach to my health and healing.

 

I hope things will soon be better for  you.

 

pug

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JJ33   
JJ33

I agree with both gigi63 and pug.  I've had stomach issues most of my life and have tried to eat a clean diet with minimal results.  Then I found a certain B12 formulation and most of the issues went away.  Go figure.  

 

1 hour ago, pug said:

I agree with you that our brain and gut are dependent on each other, and i have tried to take a wholistic approach to my health and healing.

 

Pug I hope things keep improving, I think that's the right way to go.

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gigi63   
gigi63

Thank you Pug. Thank you for always getting back to us.  I sure appreciate you, and all your helpful sharing means so very much to those of us a little further back in this recovery tunnel. 

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anongrl5590   
anongrl5590
6 hours ago, pug said:

 

Hello,

 

Yes I experienced most of those symptoms or some variation of them. Most are now gone or greatly improved and easier to manage.  It has been a slow process of healing for me, but progress has happened and is still happening! The secret is to keep going no matter what you are facing today, and I know how hard that can be.

 

Hoping that you are feeling better.

 

pug

 

Omg thank you Pug. I love reading your response and success story over and over again because it has given me hope to push through every day. I am still dealing with about 30 mental and physical symptoms at 11 months out CT which really sucks but what can I do? All I know I can do is survive, eat, drink water, and exercise. Sleep is still non-existent but I am praying it will improve soon. Thank you for responding and showing us that healing does happen. 

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Nena59   
Nena59

Thank you Pug for your encouraging posts.

I sometimes wish I could go into a coma...wake up in 2 years healed.

I have been in withdrawal for one year and it seems the highs and really lows are gone...all I have is this continual anhedonia, depression and brain zaps. :(

I keep thinking that my negative thoughts and feelings are a double whammy. My brain is programming and conditioning bad thoughts into more bad thoughts. What do you think about this? It really worries me.Thanks,

Nena

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pug   
pug
On 9/1/2017 at 4:54 PM, Nena59 said:

Thank you Pug for your encouraging posts.

I sometimes wish I could go into a coma...wake up in 2 years healed.

I have been in withdrawal for one year and it seems the highs and really lows are gone...all I have is this continual anhedonia, depression and brain zaps. :(

I keep thinking that my negative thoughts and feelings are a double whammy. My brain is programming and conditioning bad thoughts into more bad thoughts. What do you think about this? It really worries me.Thanks,

Nena

 

Hello Nena,

 

If I was walking ahead of you on a hike and I got to a beautiful waterfall and I texted you real quick, “Nena isn’t this waterfall amazing!?”  You would text back, “pug, maybe it is but I can’t see it yet!”  And that is how recovery is; I am telling you the waterfall is amazing because I am here looking at it, and I need you to trust me and keep hiking until you get here to see it!  It doesn’t matter if you think negative thoughts or bad thoughts along the trail, as long as you keep hiking you are going to get here eventually to see what I am seeing!

 

Throughout recovery I have worked hard to keep a positive outlook and think “good” thoughts, but it has often times been impossible and I have devolved into anger, frustration, despair, hopelessness and all manner of negative thoughts and processes.  But, I have kept hiking and I have made it to the first amazing waterfall, and I know there are more to come!

 

Forgive yourself for all the negativity and bad thoughts, the worrying and constant doubts, they are all part of the recovery process just like a runny nose is part of having the flu.  Accept it as a symptom and as a sign of healing while you work to see things in a more positive light.  Even though I had so many bad, bad thoughts and hours, days, weeks and months spent in a negative space, I have healed and continue to heal and a positive, hopeful mind frame and outlook has returned and is becoming more a part of me each day.

 

Just keep going!  Don’t quit!  You can do this!

 

 

pug

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TryingToHoldOn   
TryingToHoldOn

Thank you so much for this, Pug!  It's so easy to remain positive during a window, but all bets are off during some waves.

 

I'm so glad that you've made it through.  Thank you for coming back and encouraging those of us who have just started our "hike".

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apace41   
apace41
1 hour ago, pug said:

Hello Nena,

 

If I was walking ahead of you on a hike and I got to a beautiful waterfall and I texted you real quick, “Nena isn’t this waterfall amazing!?”  You would text back, “pug, maybe it is but I can’t see it yet!”  And that is how recovery is; I am telling you the waterfall is amazing because I am here looking at it, and I need you to trust me and keep hiking until you get here to see it!  It doesn’t matter if you think negative thoughts or bad thoughts along the trail, as long as you keep hiking you are going to get here eventually to see what I am seeing!

 

Throughout recovery I have worked hard to keep a positive outlook and think “good” thoughts, but it has often times been impossible and I have devolved into anger, frustration, despair, hopelessness and all manner of negative thoughts and processes.  But, I have kept hiking and I have made it to the first amazing waterfall, and I know there are more to come!

 

Forgive yourself for all the negativity and bad thoughts, the worrying and constant doubts, they are all part of the recovery process just like a runny nose is part of having the flu.  Accept it as a symptom and as a sign of healing while you work to see things in a more positive light.  Even though I had so many bad, bad thoughts and hours, days, weeks and months spent in a negative space, I have healed and continue to heal and a positive, hopeful mind frame and outlook has returned and is becoming more a part of me each day.

 

Just keep going!  Don’t quit!  You can do this!

 

 

pug

 

Pug, my friend, THIS is a post that is worthy of GOAT (greatest of all time)!

 

Incredibly thoughtful and well-written.

 

Thank you for continuing to come back and post positive messages.

 

We all appreciate it more than you know.

 

Best,

 

Andy

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AmyK   
AmyK

Oh, Thankyou, Pug! A beautiful and encouraging image! 

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Distraut   
Distraut

Absolutely!  Music to our ears!

 

What a wonderful way to describe it.

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Nena59   
Nena59

Thanks Pug,

 So well written and encouraging.. I love to hike and I live near waterfall alley in the Columbia River Gorge!

Nena

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